Subject: BS: My current favorite joke From: kendall Date: 31 Aug 09 - 07:15 AM Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'A 5th grade teacher wanted to get some background on her students, so she had a question for each of them: What does your Father do for work"? "Sally, what does your Father do"? Sally, "He's a mailman" "Eddie, what does your Father do"? Eddie, "He's a cop." It goes around the room until it comes down to "Dirty" Johnnie. Teacher, "John, what does your Father do"? Johnnie, "My Father is dead." Teacher, "I'm so sorry; what did he do before he died"? Johnnie, "He turned blue and shit himself." |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: gnu Date: 31 Aug 09 - 08:37 AM Not been told yet today, have you? |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: kendall Date: 31 Aug 09 - 10:38 AM ? |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: gnu Date: 31 Aug 09 - 11:12 AM Nobody has hollered "cellar"... yet. |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: ranger1 Date: 31 Aug 09 - 11:56 AM I thought it was funny, Kendall. |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: SINSULL Date: 31 Aug 09 - 11:56 AM Guy walks into a bar and sees a huge jar of ten dollar bills. He asks the bartender what's with the tip jar and is told that it is an ongoing bet. Put ten dollars in the jar, complete three tasks and walk away with all the money - which appeared to a few hundred thousand. Of course he wants to know what the three tasks are and is told: First you have to drink down an entire bottle of tequila worm and all without taking a breath or making a face. Second, you have to go outside where you will find a very nasty bulldog with a bad tooth. Remove the bad tooth. Last, there is a 100 year old woman upstairs who hasn't had sex in 40 years. Satisfy her and the money is yours. The guy thinks it over and after a few shots of whiskey it seems doable. So he puts his $10 in the jar, grabs the tequila and downs it worm and all. Although he is ready to choke, he doesn't make a face and so completes the first task. Then he staggers drunkenly out into the yard where he finds the bulldog. Inside the bar they can hear the growls, yelps, screams of pain until at last the guy walks in, looks around triumphantly and asks "Now where is the old lady with the bad tooth?" |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: wysiwyg Date: 31 Aug 09 - 12:24 PM "I'm Peanuts" is the punchline. I gotta get the joke to go with it for ya's, or maybe someone else knows it and can post it? ~S~ |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: wysiwyg Date: 31 Aug 09 - 12:29 PM Oh, here's a version: A priest hears confessions of five boys in a row who confess to throwing peanuts in the lake - the sixth admits, "I'm Peanuts." The version I heard was at a zoo, with an upset elephant and a number of young men present, laughing. Zookeeper: "What is YOUR name young man, and what did YOU throw at that elephant?!?!?" Young men answer, in succession, "I'm Bill. It was just peanuts." "I'm Frank. It was just peanuts." etc etc. "I'm Peanuts, and I didn't throw nothing!" ~S~ |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Jamming With Ollie Beak (inactive) Date: 31 Aug 09 - 12:30 PM A man has invited one of his co-workers to dinner, they arrive at the man's house and he opens the front door, whereupon the man's wife grabs him and kisses him VERY passionately. The guest is taken completely by surprise and reacts with a "whoaaaaa! that's incredible, you must be REALLY in love". The man turns to the guest and says, "no, not really, she just does that to make the dog jealous. Charlotte Olivia Robertson (Ms) |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: heric Date: 31 Aug 09 - 01:06 PM Kids stand up in class and talk about what their fathers do. Jimmy: Mu Dad's a fireman blah blah blah Sally: Mine's a doctor blah blah blah etc. Sam: "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse." Teacher calls the father that night to report the incident. Dad says "Yes, well what was I going to do? Tell him to say I'm a lawyer?" |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Micca Date: 31 Aug 09 - 04:03 PM Kendall, yours reminds me of Johnny comes back to school after a days unauthorised absence Teacher "you were absent yesterday Johnny, why?" Johnny "my Granddad got burnt" Teacher "I'm Sorry to hear that, was it badly?" Johnny "They don't mess about at those Crematoria" |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: catspaw49 Date: 31 Aug 09 - 11:31 PM I really prefer conversational humor rather than jokes and if I want a story I prefer a feghoot type of thing.....BUT.......For I suppose about 45 or more years though, this one remains my favorite joke. So........This guy I knew was planning a trip across the desert and he goes to the Hertz Rent-A-Camel joint and tells them he wants to rent one. The Hertz guy asks if he wants a 7 day or a 14 day camel. Well, the trip is for 16 days and the fellow can't figure out a way to shorten it. After much cajoling, the Hertz guy says, "I'll see what I can do." He walks over and selects a large 14 day camel and sticks its head in the water trough. As the camel is drinking, he goes into the Hertz Kiosk and returns with two bricks. The camel is almost full and ready to take its last slurp when the Hertz guy walks behind it. Then, with a powerful swing, he claps the 2 bricks together, smashing the camel's nuts in between. The camel goes 'SSLLLLLUUUOOOORRRRPPPSSSSHHH', and sucks up a ton more water. The Hertz guy walks around to the front and says, "There ya' go pal. That oughta' do it." My traveller friend is appalled. "JESUS CHRIST MAN!!!!!! Doesn't that HURT???"...to which the Hertz guy replies, "Nah........Not if you keep your thumbs out of the way." Spaw |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Dave Hanson Date: 01 Sep 09 - 02:50 AM Hedgehogs ? why can't they just share the hedge ? Dave H |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Seamus Kennedy Date: 01 Sep 09 - 03:10 AM A little kid walking past his parents' bedroom sees his parents having sex. The father yells, "Shut the door!" The kid slams the door and runs downstairs. Ten minutes later, when the father's finished he goes downstairs and he hears a noise in the kitchen. He opens the door and there's the kid banging the grandmother on the kitchen table. The father yells, "What the hell's going on here?" The looks up and says, "It's not so funny when it's your mother, is it?" |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: GREEN WELLIES Date: 01 Sep 09 - 04:11 AM A doctor at a mental hospital was explaining to a visitor how they decide who to keep in. 'we fill a bath with custard, and offer the patient a choice of a thimble, cup or bucket to empty it' 'easy' says the visitor 'a normal person would use the bucket' 'er, no' says the doctor 'a normal person would pull the plug out. Would you like the bed by the window?' |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Michael Date: 01 Sep 09 - 04:40 AM That reminds me of one of my dad's from when we were kids: The Queen is visiting a 'mental hospital' sees this perfectly normal man working in the garden with a group of obvious patients, 'You must be the gardener' she says, 'No ma'am, there's nothing wrong with me but they won't let me out'. 'I'll have a word' she says. Later as she is leaving, a plant pot comes flying by, just missing her and a voice shouts 'You won't forget will you?' |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Dave Hanson Date: 01 Sep 09 - 08:35 AM A man looking round a monastery sees a bloke in the kitchen making chips, he says to him " I'll bet you're the friar eh " bloke says " no I'm the chipmunk " Dave H |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Rapparee Date: 01 Sep 09 - 08:55 AM Two, one of which is actually clean. There was a toad who was bright yellow. Of course, he wanted to be green and brown like the other toads. Yellow was just too conspicuous: he was the target of everything from owls to mountain lions. But one day, hopping through the forest, he met a Fairy Godmother. "Is there anything you'd like, little yellow toad?" she asked. "Oh yes. I'd like to be brown and green like the other toads so I wouldn't be the target of every predator in the forest!" he exclaimed. "So it shall be: abracapukus!" she replied and touched him with her wand. WHAM! He was brown and green except for his...male organ...which was still bright yellow. "Ah, I don't mean to complain...." he said, pointing. "Sorry," she said, "but I don't 'do' those. If you want it changed too you'll have to see the Wizard of Oz." And the toad hopped off to see the Wizard. Less than fifteen minutes later a bright purple bear stumbled over the fairy godmother. "My," she said, "you're a bright purple bear." "Yes," he replied, "and I hate it. I stand out in the woods and hunters shoot at me. No lady bear will come near me because of that. Could you make me brown like the other bears?" "Oh, my, yes!" stated the FGM. "Pukusabraphrt!" and the bear turned brown. Except, of course, for his reproductive organ. THAT was still bright purple. "Er..." he said, hesitantly, pointing. "Oh, that! I don't do wangs. You'll have to see the Wizard of Oz to have that changed," she said. "But how do I find him?" asked the bear. "Easy," said the Fairy Godmother. "Just follow the yellow dick toad." |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Rapparee Date: 01 Sep 09 - 09:02 AM Picabo Street, the Olympic skier from Idaho, is now a nurse in charge of the Intensive Care Unit at a large metropolitan hospital. She is not, however, allowed to answer the telephone. There was too much trouble when she'd pick up the phone and say, "Picabo, ICU." |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: MGM·Lion Date: 01 Sep 09 - 11:16 AM My favourite for many years has been: Have you heard what happened to the young couple who didn't know the difference between Vaseline and putty? All their windows fell out. |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: GUEST,Kendall Date: 01 Sep 09 - 02:21 PM Thats a keeper! |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Nick Date: 01 Sep 09 - 04:04 PM EITHER... A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you", and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word the blonde shrugs, reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Nick Date: 01 Sep 09 - 04:08 PM OR.... Two builders, Fred and Bill, are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the 'suit'. Fred: "I reckon he's an accountant." Bill: "No way! He's a stockbroker." Fred: "He's no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!" The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Fred and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the 'suit' is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and several jugs get the better of the builder... Fred: "Scuse me...no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?" Suit: "No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession" Fred: "Oh! What's that then?" Suit: "I'll try to explain by example....do you have a goldfish at home?" Fred: "Er...mmm...well yeah, I do as it happens!" Suit: "Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?" Fred: "It's in a pond." Suit: "Well, then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden." Fred: "As it happens, yes I have got a big garden." Suit: "Well then It's logical to assume that in this town that if you have a large garden that you have a large house." Fred: "As it happens I've got a five bedroom house...built it myself." Suit: "Well, given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married." Fred: "Yes, I am married, I live with my wife and three children!" Suit: "Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife." Fred: "Yep! Four nights a week!" Suit: "Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often." Fred: "Me? Never!" Suit: "Well there you are, that's logical science at work!" Fred: "How's that then?" Suit: "Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about the size of garden you have, the size of house, your family and about your sex life!" Fred: "I see. That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!" They both leave the toilet and Fred returns to his mate. Bill: "I see the suit was in there, did you ask him what he did? Fred: "Yep! He's a logical scientist!" Bill: "What's that then?" Fred: "I'll try to explain. Do you have a goldfish?" Bill: "Nope" Fred: "Well then, you're a Wanker........" ***** Sometimes life is better than jokes. I told that joke some years ago in a local pub. About two minutes afterwards a guy who was pretty much universally unpopular but thought himself wonderful came in. A friend asked him casually "Have you got a goldfish, Stuart?" and when he said "No" the place fell apart and I don't think he knows why to this day. |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: DonMeixner Date: 01 Sep 09 - 04:16 PM A grasshopper gets tired of the St Pat's Parade so he hops into a bar, up on a stool and orders a pint of guiness with a bump of Paddy's back. The bar tender delivers the drinks and says. "You know we have a drink here named after you?" The grasshopper says" You have drink named Kevin?" |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Folkiedave Date: 01 Sep 09 - 04:36 PM During Whitby Folk Week I was approached by a Goth with a clipboard. "Can I ask you a couple of questions?" Despite the fact I was in a hurry I agreed. The first one was "Do you believe in re-incarnation?" I replied "I didn't believe in re-incarnation when I was a hedgehog and I didn't believe in it now". |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Bill D Date: 01 Sep 09 - 05:59 PM " "Now where is the old lady with the bad tooth?"" It was funnier 25 years ago when it was in Alaska about a Texan and a polar bear and some non-specific YOUNG woman he was supposed to ravish.... now you see, in THIS version, the bulldog can't have unlimited number of bad teeth for guys to try to pull, nor is it likely that a 100 year old woman would be 1)available or 2)interested in having sex... anyway, I think.....Hey! Not fair...no tomatoes...I was just trying to improve the humor and........geez...... |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: frogprince Date: 01 Sep 09 - 06:11 PM I thought the same thing, Bill, but I didn't have the heart to go into it all. This one will test everyone's tolerance for a pitiful joke: Man walks into his doctor's office. He has a banana stuck in his ear and a carrot up his nose. "Doc," he says, "I haven't been feeling well". "Well, for one thing", the doctor replies... "You're not eating right". |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Leadfingers Date: 01 Sep 09 - 08:51 PM Choice of Two !! My mate came into the pub looking REALLY miserable ! "Whats up Mate ?" says I ! "My girl has walked out , and taken ALL my Bob Marley collection AND the Satellite Dish!" BAD News ! No Woman , No Sky ! Or one for the intellectuals ! Rene Descarte goes out for a meal . After the Three Course Dinner the Waiter says " M'sieu Descarte , will you take Cognac?" Descarte ponders . and says " Cognac ? I Think not!" and vanishes . |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Joe_F Date: 01 Sep 09 - 09:04 PM A man has made an appointment with a psychiatrist. He says, "There's really nothing wrong with me, but my friends insisted that I get myself examined. They think I'm crazy because I like pancakes." "Well," says the psychiatrist, "there's certainly nothing wrong with liking pancakes. I like pancakes myself." "Do you, really? You must come up to my apartment sometime. I have a whole trunk full." |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Peace Date: 01 Sep 09 - 09:19 PM Two cannibals were talking over dinner and one admitted to the other, " You know, I just don't like my mother-in-law." His friend sympathized, and told him, "So just eat your vegetables." |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: MGM·Lion Date: 02 Sep 09 - 12:09 AM In a recent conversation with friends, the question arose, what was the first off-colour joke we ever remember having been told? When I remembered the one a dear little innocent girl at my school had told me, it provoked hearty laughter; so here it is — in, as nearly as I can recall over 69 years, her very words: "This lady goes into a pet shop and sez 'I want a parrot that talks'. The pet shop man sez 'This parrot talks, madam. Ten shillings.' So the lady gives him ten shillings and goes off. Next day she comes back and sez 'That parrot you sold me yesterday doesn't talk.' The pet shop man sez 'Go back home and stick a fork up the parrot's bum.' So the lady goes home and sticks a fork up the parrot's bum, and the parrot sez 'Who's that sticking a fork up my bum?'" |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: kendall Date: 02 Sep 09 - 06:35 AM Bill; analizing a joke to see why it's funny is like disecting a frog to see why it jumps. You may learn something in the process but it is very hard on the subject. |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Ythanside Date: 02 Sep 09 - 12:11 PM It's pretty difficult to beat the late great Les Dawson's classic one-liner, 'Behind every successful man there's an astonished mother-in-law.' |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Bill D Date: 02 Sep 09 - 12:50 PM Well......yes, Kendall...*wry grin*... but I am a bigger 'purist snob' about good humor than I am about 'folk. YOU do enough humor that you know the value of tweaking the exact wording & delivery so that the joke really works. (Now the one about the old lady who has a complaint about the seat in her outhouse and wants the builder to take a look.....that one is a classic!) I get so frustrated at jokes/stories that are half-remembered, reassembled quickly with poorly chosen language and delivered with no 'pacing'....And then they get copied & pasted endlessly on the internet/WWW until it is almost impossible to FIND the good original. (the one Dave Hanson related above about the monastery and the 'fish friar' is in that category....it was originally about 3 times that long and set up the punch line very carefully. I call these "Readers Digest Condensed Jokes") The story about the "staid lion" and "immortal porpoises" has been butchered so many ways since I heard it 35 years ago that I cringe. (Also...'some' people never grow out of the 12 year old attitude of constructing a "joke" that is nothing but an excuse to toss in a couple of naughty words.) Spaw's joke about the camel and the bricks is an unusual mixture of two other jokes I heard years ago, but...it works!....it is well-constructed and 'timed'....and Spaw 'illustrated' it, so that even just reading, it sounds like hearing it 'live'. (The Rene Descarte story has several other lead in lines, but in this case it makes little difference what René is refusing.....but...Leadfingers..it's René Descartes...☺.) Several of the jokes on this page are so old, they are classics, and I am amazed that they fall into "my current favorite", but I guess everyone has to hear them for the 1st time sometime) Now, I will retire and decide what to offer as one of MY current favorites.... |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Bill D Date: 02 Sep 09 - 01:01 PM hmmm... here's one I rather like....(I found it, but I 'tweaked' a couple of lines and added one) An old couple was watching TV one evening, and the husband got up to go to the kitchen. He asked his wife if he could bring her anything. She told him to bring her some iced tea, but knowing that the years had taken their toll on his memory, she told him to write it down. "I can remember iced tea," he protested. "But I want sugar in my tea too," she told him, "so write it down." He told her he could remember iced tea with sugar. "I want a slice of lemon too." she said, "Just write it down." "I don't NEED to write it down," he replied. "I can remember iced tea with sugar & lemon!" He left the room grumbling to himself. A few minutes later he came back with a plate full of mashed potatoes for her. "I told you to write it down", she yelled at him, "See? You forgot the gravy!" |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: kendall Date: 02 Sep 09 - 01:11 PM Bill, you are dead right. Most of the jokes I hear, like the one you mentioned concerning the dog and the old woman are variations and not as funny as the original, but I've learned that most people just can't tell a joke, so ya hafta cut 'em some slack. You should hear Sinsull tell the one about the guy with the chrome dentures. Anyway, try this one: Texas Honeymoon: A cowboy and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The happy groom approached the front desk to ask for a room. He said, "We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room with a good strong bed." The clerk winked, "You want the 'Bridal'?" "No" said the Texan, "I'll just hang onto her ears until she gets used to it." |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: kendall Date: 02 Sep 09 - 01:12 PM Makes me wonder what he married... |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Bill D Date: 02 Sep 09 - 01:21 PM tweaked another one so that it kinda 'feels' right. A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $20. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The husband says to the farmer, "It's a good thing for us you were nearby, or we might have been there all day" "Oh, I'm always near," replied the farmer, "I just kinda wait up there on that hill. Someone is always getting stuck. You are the 4th one today" "You mean you just wait all day? I can see that you make some extra money doing it, but in order to do your regular chores, you must have to work at night!" "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I add more water in the hole." |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Louie Roy Date: 02 Sep 09 - 02:24 PM Rastus posted a sign on the door to his house that he had fourteen inches. Misses Jone was enraged and she went over to confront him.Rastus asked her what she wanted and she replied I heard you had four four for godnes sakes |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Bill D Date: 02 Sep 09 - 02:39 PM *sigh* |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: frogprince Date: 02 Sep 09 - 03:46 PM That one sort of makes me feel like when I was a kid again; and I really wish it didn't. |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: GUEST,Arthur Stiffy Date: 02 Sep 09 - 04:13 PM Top 10 jokes at Edinburgh Fringe Festival: " Comedian Dan Antopolski has won the award for having the funniest joke of this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The one-liner "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?" scooped the London joker the title, and prize money, after being picked by a panel of judges. Comedy critics from TV channel Dave had sat through thousands of jokes at 60 comedy performances to select the best 27, which were then voted for by the public. The winning joke, which took 18 percent of the vote, comes from Dan's current show 'Silent But Deadly'. Check out the top 10 funniest jokes after the link. The Top 10 funniest jokes from the Fringe Festival 1) Dan Antopolski – "Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?" 2) Paddy Lennox – "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting.'" 3) Sarah Millican – "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong." 4) Zoe Lyons – "I went on a girl's night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill.' I went as Rose West." 5) Jack Whitehall - "I'm sure wherever my dad is, he's looking down on us. He's not dead. Just very condescending." 6) Adam Hills – "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough." 7) Marcus Brigstocke – "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!" 8) Rhod Gilbert – "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble". 9) Dan Antopolski – "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't." 10) Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) – "I started so many fights at my school - I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."" |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Bill D Date: 02 Sep 09 - 05:37 PM * BEWARE..the humor pedant sneaks in again* Ummm... most of those are pretty good, but not really 'jokes'. Small children call riddles jokes. Those 10 prize winners are mostly what is called 'one liners', which are vaguely related to 'zingers'(short, funny remarks..often caustic). "A joke is a short story or ironic depiction of a situation communicated with the intent of being humorous. These jokes will normally have a punchline that will end the sentence to make it humorous. " The reason we HAVE words like joke, riddle, zinger, Spoonerism, one-liner, jibe, shaggy-dog story, limerick...etc., etc... is to differentiate various forms....just as we name different types of music. Today, most stand-up comedians do mostly a semi-linked set of one liners. Jeff Foxworthy, the 'red-neck' comedian mixes one-liners with some real jokes and some just plain 'outrageous stories'. Red Skelton told a lot of real 'jokes', as did Buddy Hackett. *humor pedant quickly leaves, dodging zingers as he goes* |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Joe_F Date: 02 Sep 09 - 08:54 PM This is an old German one. A man had scarcely been married when he started being jealous of his wife. Even lying next to her in bed, he couldn't sleep for worrying that she might be unfaithful. At length, he fell into a fitful sleep, and dreamed that a fairy came to him and gave him a ring. Wear this ring, said the fairy, never take it off, and you can be sure that your wife will be faithful to you. So he put the ring on; but immediately, it started jerking on his finger as if it were trying to get off. He struggled to keep it on, and finally he awoke, and -- you had better not imagine where his finger was! |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Louie Roy Date: 03 Sep 09 - 10:48 AM A 75 year old couple were having sex and she said I have winter in my heart and summer in my veins and he said if you don't get some spring in your ass we will be here till fall |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: kendall Date: 03 Sep 09 - 07:22 PM My Brother raised so much hell in school that our Mother went to PTA meetings under an assumed name. |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Nick Date: 03 Sep 09 - 07:34 PM Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results. Receptionist: "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible." Mr. Smith: "What do you mean?" Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife." Mr. Smith: "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" Receptionist: "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once." Mr. Smith: "Well, what am I supposed to do now?" Receptionist: "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her." |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 04 Sep 09 - 03:24 AM Joe F - the ring - that was used as a short story in a collection by someone like Bradbury.... :-) |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Micca Date: 04 Sep 09 - 04:32 AM Ft and Joe F, I am sure the Ring story is in The Decameron (circa 1520) by Boccacio that probably qualifys it as an Old Joke!! |
Subject: RE: BS: My current favorite joke From: Dave Hanson Date: 04 Sep 09 - 06:23 AM Bill D, why don't you give us the full version of the ' friar and chipmunk ' joke. Dave H |