BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh

Subject: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 12:20 PM

There is no law against him visiting the US

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 12:24 PM

I can fix that. Probably should, huh?

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 12:36 PM

What makes you think he hasn't?

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 12:37 PM

The gnu, or wildebeast, native to Africa, would require an import license and quarantine before import.

Habitation in Canada may shorten the process, but a visa is not normally required for four-footed ungulates.

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 12:40 PM

Shouldn't that be "gnuulates"?

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Les from Hull
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 12:57 PM

Well this is all gnus to me.

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 01:00 PM

PROTECT OUR BORDERS!

NO GNUS IS GOOD GNUS!

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: bobad
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 01:01 PM

Who gnu?

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 01:32 PM

gnu gnu news

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 02:15 PM

I thought there was some kinda Gnuplot take over the US border patrol computer system.

But it turned out to be a wild gnu chase.

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: gnu
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 02:24 PM

I thought the USA wanted me to visit?

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 02:38 PM

Just certain individuals, not the whole danged country.

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 02:41 PM

The real gnu,picture.


The Gnu Song
A year ago last thursday, I was strolling in the zoo
When I met a man who thought he knew the lot
He was laying down the law about the habbits of baboons
And the number of quills a porcupine has got
So I asked him "What's that creature's name?" and he answered "That's a helk!"
And I'd have gone on thinking that was true
If the animal in question hadn't put that chap to shame,
And remarked—"I ain't a helk—I'm a gnu!
I'm a gnu—I'm a gnu
The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo
I'm a gnu—how do you do?
You really oughtta g-know w-who's w-who
I'm a gnu—spelt G - N - U
I'm not a camel or a kangaroo
So let me introduce, I'm neither man nor moose
Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no, I'm a gnu!"

I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-on-sea
Whence I travelled on to Aston-under-lyne
On the second night I stayed there I was wakened from a dream
Which I'll tell you all about some other time
Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed
Stuffed and mounted was a face I thought I knew
A bison? An okapi? Could it be a hearty beast?
Then I seem to hear a voice—"I'm a gnu!

I'm a gnu—a-g-nother gnu
I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you
I'm a gnu—how do you do?
You really oughtta g-know w-who's w-who
I'm a gnu—spelt G - N - U
Call me bison or okapi and I'll sue
Nor am I in the least like that dreadful hearty beast
Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no, I'm a gnu!
G-no, g-no, g-no, I'm a gnu!
G-no, g-no, g-no, I'm a gnu!"

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: longboat (inactive)
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 02:42 PM

Well he wants to tour with his band, Gnus and Roses
this after a successful interview on CBC Gnusworld

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: maeve
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 02:55 PM

He's certainly welcome to and valued highly by lovely New Hampshire!


gnu sightings here


maeve

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 03:07 PM

But which one is Our gnu?

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 03:12 PM

But his mother's voice echoed in his head: "Don't take your Gnus to town, son. Leave your gnus at home, boy. Don't take your Gnus to town."

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: SharonA
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 03:29 PM

There is no law against him visiting the US.

It's true. I read it in US Gnus & World Report.

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 03:30 PM

Wasn't he in "The Gnus Of Navarone"?

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: maeve
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 03:32 PM

Living the Gnu life
Not this one, eh.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 03:51 PM

Maeve

I am sure you meant Gnu Hampshire.

You guys are not gonna believe this

Gnu pickles are set to infiltrate the condiments stocks of grocery stores, fast food restaurants (and the back corner of the larder that we never clean) all over the United States.

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 04:02 PM

Do they glow in the dark?

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: longboat (inactive)
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 04:03 PM

Mama, put my gnus in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore.
That long black cloud is comin' down
I feel like I'm knockin' on heaven's door

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 04:38 PM

Is that the end of the Gnus? If so it's time for the weather forecast!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 10:28 PM

They can have my gnus when they pry 'em from my cold, dead hands.

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 10:39 PM

Actually, gnus have every right to be in The United States. They belong here! The place was made for them! Did not Abraham Lincoln say in The Gettysburg Address, "Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a gnu nation..."?

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Bert
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 11:21 PM

I recall a cartoon by Chuck Jones of a Mother Wildebeest paddling her own gnu.

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 01:38 AM

What a gnusance!

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Gurney
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 05:43 AM

Just for Georgiansilver, here is the weather forecast:

We bin up on de Air Ministry roof, an' it pissin' down with rain.

Dat am de end ob de weather forecast.

{Collected Broadcasts of Idi Amin.)

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Mooh
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 07:16 AM

I read the gnus today oh boy
About a lucky man who made the grade
And though the gnus was rather sad
Well I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Dead Horse
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 09:42 AM

I wanted to buy some sort of t-shirt
or sweatshirt to show my support for this noble creature, but I couldnt decide which to buy.
Should it be a "t" or a sweatshirt?
Finally I settled on a "t".
Why?






Because of the right to bare arms. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 09:46 AM

I have a tee shirt from Dead Horse Point....

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: gnu
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 10:28 AM

Old Point?

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 11:15 AM

He's only 3 hours drive from the border, beware folks.

Now is that bad gnus, or is that good gnus?

Your choice folkies.

JM

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 11:27 AM

Zeb, a farmer who was the son of a farmer who was the son of a farmer, had known little other than the plow and the harrow since birth. His entire life had consisted of plant, grow, harvest, store. Each year brought the same as the previous, with precious little variance save for the vagueries of the weather. And so it was that when Zeb entered his forty-fifth year, he yearned for something different. Something exotic. He strolled into the living room, where his wife was watching a television show about wildlife in Africa, and there he saw the animal that was soon to change his life: the wildebeest.

Zeb didn't know why, but he knew he had to have one. So he headed out to the old pickup truck, fired it up, and headed into town. He got to his destination in a heartbeat, skidded neatly into a parking spot right in front, jumped out of the cab, and paused for just a moment to look at the sign: Wile Thangs. He practically lurched into the store, and accosted the cashier immediately. "I gotta have one! I just gotta have one," he yelled, in between gulps of air. "I know you got one of them wildee... wildee.. wildee beasts, and I just gotta have one!"

"Oh," said the cashier, "Gnus"

"Well, hell!" answered Zeb, "It might be news to you, but I know what I got to have!"

"No, no," replied the cashier, "I mean gnu. Gee en you. Gnu. It's another name for wildebeest."

"Ah, Gnu!" yelled Zeb, "Great! Do you have one?"

"As a matter of fact," answered the cashier, "we just happen to have one. It came in by mistake; we had ordered an Emu, but somehow things got scrambled. We weren't quite sure what to do with it. I can let you have it for $100, if you'll take it away now."

Zeb quickly separated five twenty-dollar bills out of his wallet, handed them to the cashier, and was ushered to the back of the store where the strange bearded beast was munching on some grass.

"Hey there, gnu. Nice gnu! Walter Gnu. Edgar Allen Gnu. Oh, I dunno. I'll figure out what to call you sooner or later."

The gnu went on munching his grass, oblivious to Zeb's rambling. Together, the cashier and Zeb led the gnu into Zeb's pickup truck, and within the hour the gnu became part of Zeb's livestock. Zeb, of course, had more in mind for the gnu than just a life of munching grass. Zeb knew that the gnu could achieve greatness, despite what the cashier had told him.

"Now Zeb," the cashier had said, "don't go thinking that this thing can pull carts or plow your fields. This gnu has been around for a lot of years. We're not talking spring chicken here!"

But Zeb wasn't paying attention then, and probably wouldn't have believed anyway. Zeb was in the throes of a Great Idea -- "Zeb and his Trained Gnu!" He began trying to teach the gnu some simple tricks.

"Now c'mon, gnu. Roll over!"

The gnu tilted his head just a bit, and looked at Zeb out of the corner of his eye for just a moment before resuming his meal of lawn greenery.

"Hey, gnu, you can do it! Sit!"

The gnu paid no attention to him.

"Say now, gnu, I know you can do this: fetch!"

Zeb threw a stick across the field. The gnu failed to notice.

"Dagnab it, gnu, you mind me when I'm talking to you!"

With that, Zeb walked over and whacked the gnu on its hindquarters. The gnu lifted his head and made a menacing sound, something Zeb hadn't heard before. But Zeb didn't care. He grabbed another stick and held it over the gnu's head.

"Up, gnu! Sit up!"

Zeb practically screamed this last command, waving the stick as he did so. The gnu, probably sensing imminent danger, snorted once and charged straight toward Zeb. The impact alone might have been enough, but the gnu managed to trample Zeb as it made its way toward the open road. Zeb died right there in the field.

A short time later, the cashier from the pet store came out to Zeb's farm to check up on the gnu. He found Zeb's tattered body, and saw the stick still in Zeb's hands. It was obvious what had happened here. The cashier shook his head.

"What a fool. Everybody knows you can't teach an old gnu dog tricks!"

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 11:59 AM

Ouch !!


Stick to woodworking mate.

JM

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 12:17 PM

I think it was well-crafted, myself. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: longboat (inactive)
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 12:19 PM

JM,
if that be the case wouldn't be best if you had your grouse hunting gnu handy.......?

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 12:44 PM

Certainly someone can write up a shanty about gnuboats with gnuwales in Gnu Wharf, Plymouth.

Or a kids rhyme about air gnus and squirt gnus and bb gnus.

But let's NOT talk films.

Because where Top Gnu and Johnny Get your Gnu may be ok, The Naked Gnu is just one step too far.

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: longboat (inactive)
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 12:54 PM

The Old American west, of course, had its share of gnu-slingers and gnu-fighters; and wasn't Billy the Kid known as The Left-Handed Gnu?

Dalton Trumbo, of course, gnu that Johnny Got His Gnu

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 01:11 PM

Not me longboat, I don't grouse, I'm a pheasant plucker:)

JM

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 01:46 PM

Yeah, there were gnu slingers in the Old West. Had to use slings to get 'em outa the rail cars they were shipped in. It was kinda like unloading horses er cows with a crane.

But the most feared with the gnu flingers, who could fling a gnu as far as fifty feet.

Yes, to face down a gnu flinger at high noon on Main Street took courage. But there was one other desperado no one in the Old West ever wanter to go up against. Bill Hickok ran from them, Clay Allison (the Wild Wolf of the Washita) licked their boots, Jack Slade bought them drinks, and no one ever, ever messed with

The Gnupoo Flinger, especially when the gnupoo was new. New gnupoo flung on someone's shoes was nothing to boast of, and the flingers of new gnupoo showed shoes to be their main target. Finally, a doctor rode into town and cleaned them out: Doctos Scholl's and his posse, called the Odoreaters.

And the rest is history.

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: longboat (inactive)
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 01:53 PM

Bloody hell! talk about revisionist history!!! Thanks Rapaire *LOL*

Anyway, JM, that reminds me of the family that had four brothers. One was a sock tucker, the second was a cork soaker, the third brother, a coke sacker, and number four we just don't talk about.

Now (or Gnu) that was wayyyy off the thread!

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: John P
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 02:13 PM

I tried meditating to some Gnu Age music . . .

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Dead Horse
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 05:30 PM

Blow The Gnu Down
As I was a-walkin' down Paradise Street
Timme way-hey, blow the gnu down
This ugly great wildebeest I chanced for to meet
Gimme some time to blow the gnu down

He was seven foot tall, an' he looked like a horse
Way hey (wotnot etc)
With a hairy damn beard he looked old of course
Gimme (& the rest of it)

I bought him a dinner that cost me four bob
Timme way-hey (keep up at the back)
A bale of hay and a corn on the cob
Gimme (another pint please landlord)

He said "Now you sailor, to my home we must walk
Way hey (you get the idea)
"Be buggered" says I "This animal can talk"
Gimme (some pork scratchins while your at it)

Or I coulda done "Oh, you Gnu York Gals, Cant ye Dance the Watusi"
Or "Have you heard the gnus, me Johnnies, One More Day"
Or "Runnin' Down to Gnuba"
Or "A Gnu Sweet Lovely Nancy, Ten Thousand Times A Gnu"
Or not bothered................

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: SharonA
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 05:39 PM

Bee-dubya-ell (15 Sep 09 - 01:00 PM): Your post is reminiscent of the platform of former Senator John Sugnugnu of Gnu Hampshire.

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 07:29 PM

heading downhill fast, folks...

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 07:35 PM

You know...I tried to make the acquaintance of some gnubile lasses the other day, but they just laughed and threatened to have me gnutered.

(see? downhill)

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: JennieG
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 07:47 PM

Did Annie get her gnu?

Oh you cay-in't git a may-in with a gnu.....

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: US Gnu laws... yes... again... sigh
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 16 Sep 09 - 11:20 PM

You gnuw, y'all oughta come up with some gnu puns and stuff. Maybe you need a vacation in some place like Gnubraska or Gnubrunswick or even Gnufoundland.