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Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs

The Fooles Troupe 08 Oct 09 - 01:11 AM
open mike 08 Oct 09 - 01:14 AM
quokka 08 Oct 09 - 01:45 AM
Georgiansilver 08 Oct 09 - 02:35 AM
Mr Red 08 Oct 09 - 11:49 AM
Charley Noble 08 Oct 09 - 12:05 PM
Uncle_DaveO 08 Oct 09 - 02:57 PM
Charley Noble 08 Oct 09 - 03:13 PM
The Fooles Troupe 08 Oct 09 - 05:53 PM
Peace 08 Oct 09 - 06:30 PM
Bill D 08 Oct 09 - 06:37 PM
The Fooles Troupe 09 Oct 09 - 01:00 AM
Georgiansilver 09 Oct 09 - 02:29 AM
Kampervan 09 Oct 09 - 03:04 AM
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Subject: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 08 Oct 09 - 01:11 AM

I haven't been able to stop think about thi. I am shocked and horrified.

It started with this... thanks to Uncle_DaveO..

*Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?*

A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the
following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer," and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb," do
hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current
position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed-upon duties, i.e., the illumination of the area ranging
from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated
by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and
not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation, at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool,
ladder, or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part
(Light Bulb) in a counterclockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of
the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every reasonable caution by the
party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb),
notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary
and agreed-upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of
the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform, and in such case the party of
the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned.
provided that the non-negotiable directional codicil (counterclockwise) is observed by the party of the first part
(Lawyer) throughout.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part
("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light
Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning
installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the
reverse of the procedures described in Step 1 of this document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a
clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above-described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the
first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to
produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization
of commerce and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm."

To which I just had to respond - off the cuff..

"shall, with or without elevation, at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder, or any other means of elevation"

Oh dear! there's several pages of clauses omitted there - safety regulations as to approved types of ladders, approved construction material - if metal ladders are used, then there must be special insulation procedures, a second person to brace the ladder, especially if over a certain height, etc...

Sadly I realise that this is sorta never ending, really, like The Tale of Alice's Restaurant...

So, lets see who's interested..


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: open mike
Date: 08 Oct 09 - 01:14 AM

hey Alice's Restaurant is about 18 minutes long...
just about the same length as a certain portion of
tape missing from the Nixon whitehouse...in about
the same years....or so i have heard...


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: quokka
Date: 08 Oct 09 - 01:45 AM

Song challenge...ironic version of My Favourite Things?

Oh, and open mike, the version of Alice I have is 25 minutes...I guess it's a movable feast at that rest'rant...;-)

Cheers,

Quokka


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Oct 09 - 02:35 AM

"Your Honour, I speak as representative of the party of the second part, the light bulb. In defence of said party, it must be pointed out that at the time of the said alleged infringement, there was a power cut. This effectively cut off the source of power from the National Electrical grid to the party of the second part, thus rendering said party useless. I can only ask that this case be totally and utterly dismissed as the failure to cast light was caused by another party and none of the aformentioned can be blamed.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: Mr Red
Date: 08 Oct 09 - 11:49 AM

the simple answer to the lawyers and lighbulbs question is:

How many can you afford?


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: Charley Noble
Date: 08 Oct 09 - 12:05 PM

Robin-

Don't we need a release from Uncle_DaveO before proceeding?

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 08 Oct 09 - 02:57 PM

More's the pity, it wasn't original with me, so I have no copyright claim.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: Charley Noble
Date: 08 Oct 09 - 03:13 PM

Dave-

Whew! I guess that means it's fair game.

I don't have any particularly bright ideas myself, however.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 08 Oct 09 - 05:53 PM

I'd like to be able to cast more light on this, but I'm often in the dark about things.

Should we set up a committee to decide on a tune?


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: Peace
Date: 08 Oct 09 - 06:30 PM

A camel is a horse designed by a committee.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Oct 09 - 06:37 PM

...and a platypus was designed by a US Congressional committee.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 09 Oct 09 - 01:00 AM

No seriously, after we finish the next round of drinks, back to the topic, please!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 09 Oct 09 - 02:29 AM

Such is the world of 'light entertainment'


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge: Lawyers & Lightbulbs
From: Kampervan
Date: 09 Oct 09 - 03:04 AM

If you're not happy with the agreement then do something about it, get yourself a good lawyer......................??????????????


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