Subject: RE: Obit: Barry Finn (16 Oct 2009)
From:
Janie
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 10:10 PM
I'm struggling to put something into words, if you will bear with me. Feel free to skip to the next post if your eyes glaze.
Like 'Spaw said, we are real people in real community here. I knew Barry from Mudcat and the Getaways. I have been somewhat stunned at the level of loss and grief I feel, as I would not count myself as a close or intimate friend. In spite of that, like so many others here, I held him very dear, thought of him often with great affection, and when I would see him, it was like getting together with some one I had known all my life, even though we actually knew virtually nothing of one another's life histories or experiences. It is clear many, many among us experienced Barry in the same way.
I think that is because what Barry offered to one and all was his authentic self, without front, facade or mask. So to know him at all was know who it was there in front of you. No games. No airs. No pretense. No desire to impress or to be impressed.
Barry was one of the most real people ever I have met. And he was real in every situation and circumstance. Whether he had known you for years, or whether he just met you. Whether he was in cyberspace on a thread, pm or e-mail, or whether it was 3-D. Few, if any, of us posting here would know Barry if we did not have that common interest in music. But I surmise that if Barry had never sung a note, or was a lousy singer who loved the music anyway, most of us would be saying what we are saying, and grieving as we are grieving because of who he was. Not because of what he did.
Several people have talked about a sense of his voice joining in. LEJ put it in chanty form. Last night, out singing to the stars like I do, one song after another that Barry sang came up - usually just the choruses - and there was this sense of Barry's voice there - as others have noted. What a great heart and soul that scrappy fellow had - and still has. It shined through his music. He was a great performer, but he wasn't performing. The music didn't make the man. The man made the music. (It may be, though I don't know, that music provided a pathway in the direction of his authentic self.) That is one powerful soulheart that lives in the heart of so many other diverse people.
.
Barry clearly touched, influenced, and affected many, many people through his authenticity and personhood, often through the vehicle of his music. I don't think he was on a mission to do so. That is simply the reality.
When I said in a much earlier post that he lives on in the hearts and minds of many, I meant that quite literally. He has influenced so very many people. So we are changed from having known him. And those we influence will also be changed by our own changes. I call that immortality.
Justine, you were at the center of his life, as were Natalie and Gabe. I suspect you are made of the same stuff else the two of you would not have been together 23 years. Thank you for sharing him with us. The fact that there was enough of him to go so generously around suggests you have the same great heart and authenticity, and that his family was an everflowing fountain of sustenance to him. I do not want to even imagine the hole in your own heart torn by the loss of the physical reality of Barry. May these many memories and thoughts of shared loss, and especially the celebration of Barry here bring you some comfort and peace, even in the midst of your sorrow.
And maybe even a few good belly laughs.
Reading back, this is an awkward post, and I'm not sure I have succeeded in putting words to what is running through my mind and heart.
Justine, Natalie and Gabriel,
I'm not articulate enough to add my own words of comfort and condolences that others here have written, but I gladly echo them.
Blessed be.
Janie
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sj
