A request from kat- new blog posting-April 2010

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 07 Nov 09 - 05:28 PM

Wow, what a fantastic day! I'm jealous of your culture fest. I want one of those here! (Oops, be careful what you wish for, I know, I know!)

The housework can wait! Keep up the good work!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: mouldy
Date: 08 Nov 09 - 03:28 AM

I'm filling with admiration for you, my girl! You are achieving great things, even though they may only seem small.

Keeping the good thoughts coming!

Andrea x

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 08 Nov 09 - 03:43 AM

what's housework?

tho I might just have to move some books so the electrician can have a clear path to the light when he gets here tomorrow.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: chazkratz
Date: 08 Nov 09 - 04:21 AM

I just found this thread, Kat, not having been around for a while. I'm glad you are feeling better. It's great to see how many people recognize how much of yourself you have given over the years and have given back thoughts and prayers and electronic hugs and so on.   I too have a doctor whose diagnostic abilities I occasionally question, but he's an awfully nice guy with a delightful Danville accent, so I keep going back.

Music is much of what keeps me going, particularly my Monday night jams and my mini performances in the waiting rooms of the cancer center--I finished my treatment a couple months ago, but I still go with my banjo and just sit in one of the chairs and play and sing. So I strongly recommend it as a personal therapy as well as as helpful for the patients and their families.

Charles

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Nov 09 - 07:00 PM

That's the one thing I haven't done, yet, Chasdarlin'...good to see you and thanks, gals! I am going to talk with the therapist, tomorrow, about that and about keeping an even keel. I remember I tend to go great guns then crash, so I am trying to temper myself and stay in balance.

I may have done this subconsciously today. I was to help clean house then go to a nanowrimo write-in event, to write for four hours on my novel, in a nice quiet library space.

We did clean the house. We took Morgan a rocking chair as part of his b-day present for next week. I was going to put something on ebay today which left my clothes full of sticky fibers, so at about 11a, I stripped, put them in the wash and decided what else I could wear to meet my fellow nano-ers.

Along about 1145a, Rog was gone for beer and to bring me back lunch when I put on the other trousers which I fixed, I go to fill my pockets and realise my cellphone is being washed, squeaky-dead clean in the washer, in my pants' pocket, along with my poor crystal, lapis and a couple of other stonepeople! They are okay, the phone is toast.

I find out Rog was planning on driving me in anyway, so that's okay, but then I realise I will have to find a phone to call him when i am ready and I will have too much to carry around to do so, SO, I call my almost six year old grandson and ask if I might borrow his cellphone!**bg** Of course, he said "Sure!"

About that time, I realise it is after twelve o'clock, the event starts at 1p and I haven't washed my hair, eaten, or finished getting dressed. So, I wash, I dress, I sit down to eat. It's okay, it's only 1230, I thought. I tell Rog I'll be ready in a minute, which I am, but the clock says 1240p! We take off. He's found me a nifty little bag for the mini-lap and he carries it, my water, and extra O2 tanks out to the car and we are off with a quick stop at Morgan's for the cellphone. We get a ways down the road when I remember I forgot my weakest glasses for using with the mini-lap, so we go back with Rog getting instructions of where to find them and to grab the external rollerball mouse. All the while, I am trimming and sawing away on my fingernails with a file as they bug me on the keyboard if they are too long (besides when playing instruments like the fiddle and dulcimer, I know!) THEN, we start off once more.

Twenty minutes later and we are there. Only the library lady is in the special room set aside for nanowrimo. Silly me, on a beautiful Sunday, I expected scads of insane people, pulling their hair out with bleary eyes, mumbling two thousand, four hundred and ninety three, only forty-seven thousand and some to go. Oh gawd! I'll never do it! And/or, some zippy thing flouncing in and singing out, I am over the hump and on the down slope at thirty-five thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine! Instead there is a nice library lady who says a couple more folks said they'd be in sometime and, there's me. Rog helped me get set up. I visited with her for a few minutes then put the stick in the USB to upload the latest version of Ranch on Poison Spider hot off my PC at home, when I see I saved it in the wrong format...ALL of the html is showing. I'll never be able to write with all of that muck. (I have Open Office on my mini-lap.) So, I start looking for how to convert. (I am new to OO.) By the time I figure out, I think, how to use the OO converter, I have saved all versions with the html showing, so now the converter thinks it is supposed to be part of the rtf or some such, so I get the same thing. The librarian offered to look for a converter online, but didn't find anything quickly and by that time I figured something was telling me I wasn't supposed to be there, so I called The Knight in Shining Armour Services. They sent over their oldest, most experienced champion who loaded my gear and me into the chariot and brought me home, although it was in a roundabout fashion, past a couple of other places where he was employed. So, here's my writing fo the day...for you, my friends. I hope it made ya laugh, at least. And, not to worry, I have the formatting all figured out and am going to check with the branch library about having a write in nearer to home.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 08 Nov 09 - 08:40 PM

Oh yeh, Kat.   I can relate!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 06:16 AM

Kat, I was going to send you this link via email but I think some of the folks posting here will appreciate it. It's a song Animaterra chorus has sung many times, and our hospice singers sing it often.

How Could Anyone (Libby Roderick)

(caution- kleenex alert!)

love you-

Allison

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Nov 09 - 01:20 PM

In fact, you tear-jerker-you! I have a CD with Animaterra singing that very song! Thank you so much for the reminder. I was singing along until the pictures and the words got to me, too much, then I just blubbered along.:-)

Janie, I went to post s reply last night just as Max took it offline. Thanks so much.

I think I am going to move over to my blog, AlterKATE and let this thread go along, accessible for emergencies, if any, and/or reinforcement. A lot of what I have written here could be part of my blog (and may be, as I may copy and paste some of it)...so the bulk of my writing of recovery will be there from now on.

Thank you all so very, very much. I met with the therapist yesterday. He has a giant, two year old golden retriever named Gus, who stands about 31-32 inches at the top of his head. BIG, quiet, loving Gus. His "dad" plays guitar, just bought a mando, AND once made a dulcimore from a kit! I will get a group going, yet! More on my blog, later, I think, about how things went. It was very interesting...it's all about balance with me..now where have I heard that before!? Ha ha ha!

Love you,

kat

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 14 Nov 09 - 08:21 PM

This is probably a sleep issue, as in I never do well the day after no sleep, but if any of you could send a few thoughts my way tonight, I would really appreciate it. I am feeling anxiety and depression trying to move in.

Rog was called out at 130a last night. I went with him as he thought it would be a problem he could resolve at the station, but had to go up the mountain. Lots of very dark, winding, paved and dirt roads. Takes about an hour to get to the site. It was cold and windy. We finally got to be about 530a. Neither of us is used to that any more!

Go away vague feelings of disquiet.
Go away aura of malaise.
I shall call on my friends,
Take a deep breath
And, blow you out!

Thanks for your support and inspiration, my friends.

luvyashakykat

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 14 Nov 09 - 08:30 PM

On the way, Katluv.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: maeve
Date: 14 Nov 09 - 09:38 PM

Here, kat. I'll play my newest song once more before I wander off to bed. Gather these thoughts for to build a well...piece by peace.

All is well.
Water running over stones
Water slipping between shadows
Water carries silver light
Water deep within the well
Fill the well of dreams
Goodnight.


maeve

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 14 Nov 09 - 11:52 PM

I love it still and forever, maeve. Thank you so much.

Janie, PM on the way. Thank YOU, too. I love my two goodnight *angels*.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Nov 09 - 01:42 AM

I'm often up late on Friday and Saturday nights. It is a bit of a rebellion from the early hours I must keep during the week. Tonight I've been moving the living room furniture into what *feels* like the most logical places. You know it when you see it--a chair in front of the fireplace, with a good reading lamp beside it. The dining room table moved to a spot where it will look good and can expand for company, and for day-to-day meals, we'll use the lovely antique oak round table in the kitchen. The dining table will be set with beautiful china and crystal that has been coming out of trunks this year.

So I think you should visualize your house exactly the way you think it will look best, and think about a setting in it that already fits that vision. A good chair in a corner, or your computer desk in exactly the right spot. Sit there for a little while this evening and read, then head to bed; tomorrow when you awaken and head into the rest of the house for breakfast, you'll look at that spot and know it is perfect, and you'll build out from there.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 15 Nov 09 - 06:19 AM

sending hugs

love from sandra

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Nov 09 - 03:18 PM

Thanks, SRS, I may try that, though I have already done the desk move and it is still something I really like, so that worked.:-)

Thanks, Sandra! Sorry I have neglected my blog! (I know I need to add to it.)

Did get a huge heart smile this morning. Morgan came over with his mp3 player one; the one we gave him yesterday for his birthday. I loaded some folk and trad on it, all Mudcatters, of course. Imagine how good it felt then when I heard him wailing away at the top of his lungs, "Hey-ho, nobody home, no ..eat..no..." and then, "a sold, a sold, a sold cake, please...tress, a sold cake, apple a pear, plum or ...ree...anything ...TO MAKE US ALL MERRY!" I sang along, so he now knows more of the words. But he announced it was his FAV. except that I haven't loaded Bill O'Shea, yet, which also a fav.:-)

So far, doing better today. Thanks!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 15 Nov 09 - 09:55 PM

Remember, 99.9% of the things most of us worry about never happen.

Remember, the only function of worry is to make you feel bad.

Remember, every moment spent fully in the moment is a moment fully lived.

Remember, the present moment is where we are most powerful and have the maximum potential.

Night Kat. Sweet Dreams.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Nov 09 - 01:20 PM

I remember three days and nights without sleeping or eating. When I closed my eyes I saw the source of my fear and couldn't face it so I didn't.

If only anxiety was worry. Worry is about a specific thing. Anxiety is the world flipping on its axis.
When it flips, Miss Kitty, we will be here to catch you.

Deep breaths...

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Nov 09 - 05:03 PM

I have such eloquent and beautiful friends. Thank you so much.

I have let go of a large hunk of anxiety today. I called Doc Jeri, the one who does my OMT. She has agreed to be my interim doc until I get set up with a new one who is coming in Dec. THIS is a HUGE relief to me as I needed advice/direction on several things which she addressed, today. I will still take xanax at bedtime for a little while longer as it is really working for me as far as sleep is concerned. I had cut back to 1/2 pill over the weekend as I didn't know when I would be able to get a refill, but 1/2 really didn't do much. I think that lack of sleep really didn't help this weekend, at all, so I expect the next few days to improve. I will also be seeing the therapist on Wed. and we will talk about depression etc. then. Just knowing I have a doc to rely on makes me feel so much better.

I have also decided to cut myself some slack and not worry about getting the 50,000 word novel done in Nov. I am up to about 23,000 words; should be at least to 30,000 by now. Not sure i have it in me this time to finish that quickly, so...if I do, I do, if not, it's okay. I did it in 2006 & 2008. Maybe I was supposed to wait and only do it on even years...2010, here I come.:-)

Thanks, everyone.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Nov 09 - 07:26 PM

not every famous author writes a novel-a-year!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 12:15 AM

fwiw (and maybe not much, Sins) I would say that anxiety (fear) is the emotion. Worry is the cognitive process. Thing is, we talk to ourselves in short-hand, and so automatically that we often do not recognize the cogitating is happening.

A panic attack is a very intense and discrete episode of anxiety where the "old brain" kicks in and floods the system with adrenalin and cortisol. (More here and here Although many people experience panic attacks as coming "out-of-the-blue," they do not occur, at least initially, except in response to stimuli and a person's interpretation of that stimuli.   It can all happen literally in the blink of an eye. My experience is that regardless of the original causes of panic, the experience is so emotionally and physiologically intense, and so frightening, that a person quickly begins to fear having a panic attack, the baseline level of anticipatory anxiety goes up (the system stays more aroused and vigilant), so panic gets triggered even more readily, and the person often begins to avoid situations in which panic occurred, even when the setting in which the panic occurred was coinsidental to the original fear or conditions, or becomes hypersensitized to sometimes very subtle triggers in the environment, the body or the cognitions. When that has occurred, there may well be very little cognition happening in the higher brain as it relates to intense and/or chronic anxiety and/or panic attacks. One could characterize this as the "mind" controlling you instead of you controlling the mind.

Extensive research has shown that some form of Cognitive Behavioral therapy with a skillful CBT therapist is the most effective treatment for anxiety. I think a mindfulness practice such as is taught in DBT, or a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) practice is also very useful, and most skillful therapists will incorporate mindfulness training in the therapy.

Sorry for the thread drift.

Back to topic.

G'night Kat. May you sleep well tonight and laugh with joy on arising.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 12:26 AM

Janie, thank you. I will talk with Lloyd-the therapist about this, as I find it very interesting and helpful.

Sandra, tks for the reminder.:-)

I love you, my friends.

G'night,

kat

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 02:39 AM

Dearest Kat

Still here with you. Been reading of your progress and hoping for resolutions.

Write as many words as you feel like writing at any given moment. Quantity goal setting is not as important as quality goal setting. Blah blah blah... you know this.

Maybe your brain/spirit is stretching for that little bit better rather than that little bit more.

HUGS!

awww hell

HUGS again

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 08:23 AM

A lot to think about, Janie. I have a mild panic attack everyday at the same time in the same situation. I don't have it on weekends when my schedule changes because I don't work. Wonder how I figure out exactly what is causing it. As I said they are mild. I once suffered the real thing and this is nowhere close. But it is frightening - the idea that the edge is close and I might cross the line.
Brains are hard things to have.

Meantime, kat - I wonder if the book is the cause of the sleeplessness. Until it is finished you can't rest???? You're not famous enough yet to get away with that kind of craziness.

Well, reading through this thread, at least you have friends to fall back on.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 10:45 AM

Thanks, again, m'dears. VTam, the whole thing about NaNoWriMo, is you commit, to yourself, and show it to all the world, to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of Nov. It's completely mad, you turn off the Inner Editor completely and just go for it. It is also a lot of fun as the group puts out fun pep talks, plot started kits and all kinds of funs tuff, PLUS the money they recieve in donations go to fund literacy for children. They even have a junio division for kids who are writers. Check it out at nanowrimo.org.

Naw, Sins, I don't think it is the book, though I don't think fame has the corner on crazy.:-) The trouble with sleep has been there forever it seems, though worse lately. The writing will come, it's me, physically and mentally, which has put a stop to it...I just don't have the wherewithal to sit down and do it, at the moment. I had been so successful the first two times, it has been hard for me to accept and admit that this time maybe I won't make it to the *finish* line.:-)

I had a much better night of sleep last night. Only up twice and able to get right back to sleep both times. Now, I am off for an OMT! That is going to feel so good!

Thanks...I really AM going to get to my blog and move some of this!

kat

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 11:00 AM

Kat, this thread is a form of therapy, where you're able to hash some of this out with friends, and I can see you relaxing as time passes. I don't always write, but I do drop in to read. Keep thinking and writing.

I've encountered a couple of panic attacks, I suppose everyone does at some point during a lifetime. It was usually associated with some stage of depression (for me) at times when I was feeling particularly vulnerable. Interestingly, I've been able to talk myself out of them, if I stop right when it hits and cast my mind to what might have been the trigger.

And here's a tidbit to help with your progress: A good belly laugh. You need to read the reviews on this product and you'll see what I mean.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 01:59 PM

Sorry Kat - missed the novel writing marathon post. Good luck with that. Sounds like a hoot.

SRS - love that laptop steering wheel desk. Want to propose them for the NHS and County Council travelling clinicians. Both entities are so keen to squeeze as much work out of the workforce, if they have to pay travel expenses, they may as well invest in this device and get their money's worth out of all those lazy nurses and social workers.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 02:17 PM

That may actually be a product, but if you read the 85+ remarks and look at the photos that reviewers posted, it's a long-running gag over at Amazon, and is really very funny.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 02:32 PM

Fortunately that poor woman had insurance on her husband. Hadn't rwealized that the air bag really could slice you in half.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 06:33 PM

Oh my gosh! Here's me a week or two ago, out in the mini-van, in the driveway, not knowing where to go, but knowing I had to get out of the house. So I am sitting there thinking....hmmmm...wonder if I could prop the mini laptop on the steering wheel and sit here and write? Not, it wouldn't fit right. I tried the day I went to Starbucks with it, before I drove anywhere! Too funny!

ONe of the constant sources of anxiety is family, esp. my brother who lives in town and two of my sisters who live in WY. I have to constantly set boundaries, esp. with him. He has a way of making everything sound like everyone else's fault...really into a victimhead...has been most of his life. He hates his part-time senior jobs and wants someone to listen to him piss and moan. When I shut him off, he always says, "I knew you wouldn't want to hear about it!" Usually I just hang up; today I said, "then why do you start?" It gets worse then, so I ALWAYS hang up. The only reason I called was to tell him he got some important mail in our mailbox which neither of us can figure out why...where they got our addy. He'll sort that out, at least.

He is very toxic for me to be around. He is all alone. We are tied up in his music with him, to some extent. So...I don't feel as though I can disown him, but I will continue with very ltd. phone calls and very infrequent in-person visits. He is a genuis composer...too bad that seems to go hand-in-hand with social disfunctions. It is very upsetting to even speak with him when he is like this.

I can tell Lloyd and I will have much to work on tomorrow.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: maeve
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 10:07 PM

Goodnight, kat. I'll be working on some more music in the morning. I'll let you know what I wind up keeping.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 17 Nov 09 - 10:36 PM

Envisioning you having a deep and peaceful sleep tonight.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Nov 09 - 01:18 PM

I DID get some sleep! Went to sleep about 1130p, may have slept the night through for the first time in recent and long memory, but Rog woke me wiht some coughing. The good news is we both got back to sleep and even overslept a tiny bit!

Saw Lloyd this morning. He's such a good guy. He's given me some things to do. More later. Thanks, my friends!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Nov 09 - 05:43 PM

Just a note: I've copied and pasted most of what I posted here into my blog. As I am finally caught up, I will post there now and let this go where it will or no. Thanks, again, you beautiful, beautiful people.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: maeve
Date: 18 Nov 09 - 05:46 PM

Well done, kat. See you over there.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 18 Nov 09 - 07:58 PM

I've been away for the past week but have been paying attention and holding you in my thoughts. It looks as though I've left you in very good hands! Thanks for the blog link- I'll keep track in both places. I know about toxic siblings, although mine have mellowed with the years.
This group of care-givers in this thread feels like a wonderful circle of strong women, gathering strength and pouring it out so that each of us feels stronger! Thanks to all of you!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: frogprince
Date: 18 Nov 09 - 08:47 PM

'Scuse me, but approx 29 "tomcats" have tried, in our bumbling male ways, to express our appreciation and concern for Kat. : )
Happy to hear things are going better; no one wants to see a good heart so troubled.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Nov 09 - 11:03 PM

tomcats are welcome, too, of course, even if they claim to be frogs princes! Will a kiss of gratitude change that frog?*bg*

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 18 Nov 09 - 11:15 PM

May you sleep so soundly and restfully that Sealy Posturpedic calls and offers you $5000 to sleep for an ad!

'night Kat.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: maeve
Date: 19 Nov 09 - 05:41 AM

frogprince- I had noticed the strong men as well as strong women who have been supportive and kind in this thread- no bumbling at all that I can see.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 19 Nov 09 - 07:20 AM

Sorry, tomcats- I'd been away and just read the last 3 or so threads when I was inspired to write this. Mudcat is a wonderful family of ALL sorts who offer strength, love, support and healing.


I should know!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Nov 09 - 10:26 AM

Looks like forward momentum continues!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 19 Nov 09 - 02:14 PM

Poor Kat

I went through period of thinking I was supposed to "fix" dysfunctional parents and siblings. I had to back off for self-preservation, but it came with gnawing guilt. "Was I being selfish?" I finally came to terms with it. Yes I was and it was about damned time. Nobody else was going to do it for me.

Pity your bro is wasting his life with such negativity. This is sometimes seen in people with great talent. Is there a chance he is bipolar? Sounds like a fair few of my family members.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Nov 09 - 03:28 PM

Oh, there's a chance he's all kinds of things..too smart, mostly. He's been in and out of therapy most of his adult life (he's 72) and hoodwinked all but one who just kept turning it back on HIS shoulders...he finally did learn that he is responsible, but he begrudges a LOT, no, MOST of what he has to do in life to get by. I gave up trying to change him years ago, but I still have to reset boundaries almost every time we talk. My sis just called to say she spoke with him last night and he's back to what is normal for him which means not too aggravating, trying to be positive. If he'd gotten B Positive type blood like me, I'll bet his life woulda been different!**bg**

After seeing Amadeus, I could really relate to Mozart's dad and sister..at the time I was managing/promoting/producing his classical music with no money and performing with him at nothing like his level of expertise and only a few times, but that also entailed turning pages, etc. There's more but it would fill a book...maybe that should have been my novel this year!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Nov 09 - 03:38 PM

The Mother's Sister - a working title. LOL

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Nov 09 - 03:40 PM

LOL...yeah, but then there were all those years when he seemed like the best big brother in the world...too sad, sometimes!

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: maeve
Date: 19 Nov 09 - 04:11 PM

That remembered brother is still in there, kat. Perhaps that's why the other sides of him are painful for you to see and deal with.

Boundaries are healthy.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: Janie
Date: 19 Nov 09 - 10:21 PM

My son just invited me to watch a brief video from the Washington Post - a short peice on a fellow who teaches Parkour in the DC area. The man was talking about what he and others get out of Parkour, and one major thing is the opportunity to deal with fears. He made a great statement which I can only paraphrase, about fear. He was saying in the context that one positive thing about Parkour is it gives you the opportunity to deal with your fear.

Again, this is a paraphase, not a direct quote Fear is natural, and is actually a good thing because it keeps you from taking stupid risks. But panic is a bad reaction to fear. It shuts the brain down and renders you ineffective.

That is a spot-on way to characterize panic that I had never thought of before - an ineffective reaction to fear.

I'm gonna pass that on to my DBT group on Monday.

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Nov 09 - 11:11 PM

It certainly is a barrier to action in my experience, at least. The little bit I read on Parkour reminds me of what my sister told me about an Outward Bound for adults that she did. A lot of self-reliance, ingenuity, and confidence were needed/enabled. She's always had those, but it gave her an opportunity to prove to herself she still had the abilities, plus it involved several days of her being on her own, foraging etc. and getting across a river via hanging from a rope. She's always been my shero.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Nov 09 - 09:34 AM

Janie, Katlaughing, my first post in this thread was about combining CBT and the (all-secular) RC with great spiritual disciplines already in place. RC is a way of laughing and shaking off old, recorded fears so that a more accurate approach can come more easily to mind; CBT is (as we know) a route to finding where the laughs are, as well as an effective set of tools for trying and overcoming "scary" situations. I have found both CBT and RC essential in redrawing and re-stating boundaries that are not about what the other person is "allowed" to do but about how I respond to whatever they may do.

A nice thing about CBT is that its practitioners encourage self-directed use on one's own. Certainly a therapist skilled in it is a help to getting it going-- but it is not therapy-dependent.

Upward and forward!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: A request from kat - in the home stretch
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 21 Nov 09 - 09:06 AM

Lots of hugs from this old dude Kat
you know I love you