one for archaeologists....

Subject: Lyr Add: THE ARCHAEOLOGIST SONG
From: ivy b.
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 04:51 PM

Hello everyone! I’m back again after a month away, in case anyone noticed. I’ve been digging big holes in Suffolk again and getting muddy, sun burnt and possible alcohol poisoning... in other words I’ve been spending 4 very happy weeks doing archaeology! To while away the tedium of digging a certain trench which we were promised would have a whole treasure trove of goodies in but turned out to have only lots and lots of natural flint and chalk in (grrr....), this little song was created which those of you who have ever dug or who know diggers may be able to relate to. It’s a version of another song called the re-enactors song which I can not take the credit for but which is also very amusing and I may post that up sometime soon too.

THE ARCHAEOLOGIST SONG

CHO. Oh, I am an archaeologist and I have a certain class.
I dig and drink and swear a lot and talk out of my arse.
In 1999, you will not be finding me,
'Coz I’m far too busy digging up another century.

1. Oh, I am an archaeologist. You can tell it by my drink.
About anything but real ale I would not even think,
With the obvious exception of whisky rum and gin,
And cider, wine or brandy if the landlord has them in.

2. Oh, I am an archaeologist. You can tell it by my tent.
The outers ripped the inners lost and all the pegs are bent.
It leaks a bit but there’s room inside for two or even three,
But I smell so much the only one who'll stay in there is me.

3. Oh, I am an archaeologist. You can tell it by my home.
Every surface there is covered by the artifacts I own.
A bottle bank fills the front room but you’ll find we're vermin free.
The rats all left 'coz my five flat mates all smell as bad as me.

4. Oh, I am an archaeologist. You can tell it by my friends.
They all have proper jobs and cars and think I’m round the bend.
They phone me up to moan about the jobs they have to do.
But I’ll still be broke and digging when they retire at thirty-two.

5. Oh, I am an archaeologist. You can tell it by my skin.
It’s leathery and callused where the blisters all have been.
It’s bronzed and burnt and haggard by the wind and sun and rain,
But I’ve stubbed off all my nerve endings so no longer feel pain.

6. Oh, I am an archaeologist. You can tell it by my man.
I change him round from dig to dig or as often as I can.
But I’m looking for a millionaire or billionaire, it’s true,
Who will keep me in a state I’d like to become accustomed to.

7. Oh, I am an archaeologist. You can tell it by my car.
It goes all right from camp to site but mostly to the bar.
It’s a clapped-out hired minibus with plenty of room inside
For all my tools, the volunteers, and the kitchen sink besides.

8. Oh, I am an archaeologist. You can tell it by my physique.
If you listen very carefully, you may just hear me creak.
My knees have gone. My back is bent. I’m every doctor’s hell,
And the day I can’t lift up my pint, my heart will stop as well.

9. Oh, I am an archaeologist. You can tell it by my eyes.
They’re always frowning at the ground or squinting at the skies.
I can spot a rain cloud two days off or features from afar,
But I’m best of all at spotting out a public house or bar.

10. Oh, I am an archaeologist. You can tell it by my trowel.
It’s as blunt as me, an inch in width, and the handle’s really foul.
I put it in my back pocket, so break it regularly,
But I’ll never get a new one 'coz it’s as old and knackered as me.

11. Oh, I am an archaeologist. You can tell it by my hair.
It hasn’t been brushed for many a month or washed for many a year.
It’s a fox’s den, a cuckoo’s nest, a badger’s set, you see.
Is it really any wonder no one else will employ me?

Love ivy b.^^

Capitalization and punctuation added, spelling corrected. --JoeClone, 27-Feb-02.

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Peter T.
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 05:03 PM

"They call him the archeologist because his career is lying in ruins."
oldest joke in history.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Allan C.
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 05:06 PM

Wow, Peter, that's about as bad as the one about the geologist who took everything for granite...

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Dave Swan
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 05:34 PM

Or the constipated accountant who worked it out with a pencil.

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Fadac
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 05:47 PM

Dave, I think that was a Germen fellow, Karl Farfrompoopin.

-Fadac

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Susan of DT
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 06:01 PM

Ivy - if you wrote it and wish to be listed as the author, give me your full name.

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Bill D
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 07:22 PM

or the fisherman who only went out for the Halibut...

(...so the geologist said..."thats not a gneiss joke"

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Alice
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 07:49 PM

That's great, Ivy!

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: John in Brisbane
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 08:07 PM

Ivy, what a great song! Do you have a tune? Is it like 'A Celebrated Working Man' - I think the fiddle tune is 'Red Haired Boy' or similar. Let me know and I will post a tune or two.

Regards, John

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 08:25 PM

I thought it went to "I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK"

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Pete Curry
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 08:28 PM

Then there's the tree surgeon who fell out of one of his patients.

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Jeri
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 08:42 PM

Ivy, it's a wonderful song! Have you thought about sending it to the appropriate professional journal?

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Pete Peterson
Date: 26 Jul 99 - 10:34 PM

the tune I heard was "rambling wreck from GA Tech", or as the Brits call it "son of a gambolier". Fits pretty well. Ivy, it's a GREAT song-- what is the real tune you intended? PETE

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Alice
Date: 27 Jul 99 - 12:45 AM

... hello... earth to Ivy. Get out of that pub and give us the tune, dear!

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Penny S.
Date: 27 Jul 99 - 04:07 AM

Ivy, I second that, third it, fourth it, whatever. It's great,m and what is the tune? Or maybe we should ask Dai?

Penny

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: MudGuard
Date: 27 Jul 99 - 05:17 AM

When I read the lyrics (very nice!), I thought of the tune of the "Button Pusher" (a song I have a recording of by the Dubliners). I think the lyrics would fit that tune.

MudGuard

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: ivy b
Date: 27 Jul 99 - 06:44 PM

i was not in the pub! well, actually.... no really, im staying with my brother so only aloud to use the internet at unsociable hours of the night when it doesnt cost so much! there is a tune for it, its an adaptation of 'one misty moisty morning'. hope that helps. the song itself as i wrote before is also an adaptaion from another song by my big brother called the re-enactors song. basically read 'fighting' and 'drinking' for 'digging' in the chorus, keep the verses about hair, drinking and (roughly) car and add many many more. i will put up the other verses at some point but writing out these ones took so long i almost resprained my wrist which was nicely recovering from too much speed archaeology.

love ivy b

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: GUEST,Theresa
Date: 18 Aug 01 - 02:17 PM

Thanks very much , Ivy. Great song!!!! This was not the one I was remember, but will serve my purpose exactly. I think the words fit the tune of 'The Old Mans Song', fellow Midlanders might remember this sung by Johnnie Squire in the folk-clubs around Derbyshire in the late sixties and seventies. (At the turning of the century, I was a lad of five, My Pa went off the fight the Boers and never came back alive, My Ma was left to bring us up, no charity she'd seek, So she wasked and scrubbed and scraped along on seven and six a week. Etc, etc.)

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 18 Aug 01 - 11:55 PM

Nice song, Ivy. I enjoyed it. Have you ever been on a dig where you made any good finds? What were they?

What sort of site were you excavating in Suffolk? ----------- I made my only archeological find by accident. I was hiking in the forested White Mountains of New Hampshire and saw a piece of rock on the trail. Being a rockhound, I said to myself, "Pieces of rock are really rare here, what with all the stupid trees. I'll take this home." When I got it home, I observed it more closely and realized it was a scraper as seen in all the textbooks.

Fortunately the White Mountains are a national forest, not a national park, so I hadn't accidentally committed a federal crime.

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Aug 01 - 01:40 AM

Ooohh, maybe my secret passion for Mick the Dig from Timeteam is surmountable then.... great song. I had the Lincolnshire Poacher going round in my head when I read it. That fitted nicely too.... Maybe it's one of these generic 'every tune except Jerusalem' songs. Mind you, nothing else fits Jerusalem except 'Linden Lea'.

LTS

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: paddymac
Date: 19 Aug 01 - 08:10 AM

It's a "keeper fer sure." Thanks for posting it.

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: CraigS
Date: 19 Aug 01 - 09:48 PM

I've been reading another link, which made me set it to *Mr MacGuire" without the chorus. Funny how you can't beat your brain for entertainment

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Cobble
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 09:09 PM

Refresh.

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: danleighton
Date: 26 Jun 18 - 05:33 PM

Huh. Good to see this still here :-)

I can't find the lyrics to my original re-enactors song, luckily, my sister wrote an archaeologists version and I can re-create from that!

Hooray for mudcat!

:-)

Love the reference in here to the internets being expensive - because it was on dial-up!

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: danleighton
Date: 26 Jun 18 - 05:51 PM

And here's the original... :-)

The Re-Enactor – Dan Leighton
Written at Kentwell Hall 1588 (1997) - Dedicated to re-enactors everywhere, everywhen!

To the tune of One Misty Moisty Morning - but with more welly.

D                      F#/D             G                A
O I am a re-enactor you can tell it by my hair
D                                     F#/D                      G                            Am
It’s not been brushed for many a month, nor combed for many a year
D                                 F#/D            G                A
It’s a cuckoo’s nest, a foxes den, a badgers set you see
D                      F#/D             G          A         D
Is it any bloody wonder nobody’s employing me

Chorus
O I am a re-enactor and I have a certain class
I fight and drink and swear a lot and talk out of my arse
In the year [insert year hear in a way that scans…], you will not be finding me
Cos I’m far too busy drinking in another century

O I am a re-enactor you can tell it by my car
It goes alright from A to B but mainly to the bar
It’s a clapped out Ford Cortina with loads of room inside
To fill with all the junk I have and the kitchen sink besides

O I am a re-enactor you can tell it by my baccy
It’s not the normal stuff you see, in fact it’s rather wacky
Cos I smoke it, and I toke it, and I hold it in for hours
I find it gives me extra oomph and supernatural powers

O I am a re-enactor you can tell it by my clothes
I like to swank and swagger, I like to strike a pose
When the Velcro isn’t showing, it looks good from afar
And it helps me pull the totty when I’m hanging out in bars

O I am a re-enactor you can tell it by my sword
I made it from a beer can one day when I was bored
It’ll slice your bloody fingers off, but that’s alright you see
Cos I never fight with anyone cos they’re not as good as me

O I am a re-enactor, you can tell it by my wife
We haven't shared a weekend for two thirds of our life
Cos she sits around at home you see and fixes up my kit
While I'm shagging other peoples wives and acting like a shit

O I am a re-enactor, you can tell it by my bowels
The only way to plug my arse is with extra king size towels
I've spent half my life in portaloos with my head down in the sludge
Trying to shift ten pounds of compacted burger fudge

O I am a re-enactor, you can tell it by my drink
About anything but Real Ale I would not even think
With the obvious exception of whisky, rum and gin
And vodka, wine or brandy if the landlord has them in

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: GUEST,Jim I
Date: 26 Jun 18 - 06:16 PM

I have sung this once and used the tune from "Here come the navvies" or The Celebrated Working Man.

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Mr Red
Date: 27 Jun 18 - 03:11 AM

How many archeologists does it take to change a lightbulb?




Depends on the context.




I'll get my trowel.............

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: GUEST,LynnH
Date: 27 Jun 18 - 04:10 AM

My immediate, spontaneous reaction was to use the tune of Lilli Marlene! You just have to, at the end of the chorus, repeat the first line, ditto for each verse.

Lynn

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Aug 19 - 06:52 PM

Glad to hear my song is still getting the occasional outing :-)

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: danleighton
Date: 26 Nov 24 - 11:36 AM

I discovered recently that, almost 30 years on from writing the original, this song is still being song by re-enactors :-)

Subject: RE: one for archaeologists....
From: Pappy Fiddle
Date: 27 Nov 24 - 05:20 PM

This thread has some commonalities with archaeology... started in a previous millenium and here it's being dug up again