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Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(

Bonnie Shaljean 24 May 10 - 10:08 AM
SINSULL 24 May 10 - 09:57 AM
Noreen 24 May 10 - 09:44 AM
Noreen 24 May 10 - 09:42 AM
Noreen 26 Apr 10 - 07:14 PM
Micca 10 Apr 10 - 04:36 AM
Bonnie Shaljean 09 Apr 10 - 10:11 PM
ranger1 09 Apr 10 - 08:55 PM
Noreen 09 Apr 10 - 08:45 PM
John MacKenzie 08 Apr 10 - 02:43 PM
Herga Kitty 08 Apr 10 - 02:17 PM
naughtyforty 08 Apr 10 - 02:10 PM
VirginiaTam 07 Apr 10 - 06:10 PM
Uncle_DaveO 07 Apr 10 - 05:52 PM
Ebbie 07 Apr 10 - 11:03 AM
Noreen 06 Apr 10 - 03:46 PM
GUEST,noreen 05 Apr 10 - 07:28 PM
Stilly River Sage 05 Apr 10 - 06:34 PM
Jeri 05 Apr 10 - 03:47 PM
EBarnacle 05 Apr 10 - 02:35 PM
Richard Bridge 05 Apr 10 - 02:15 PM
GUEST,CS 05 Apr 10 - 01:06 PM
GUEST,noreen 05 Apr 10 - 12:47 PM
GUEST,noreen 05 Apr 10 - 12:43 PM
VirginiaTam 05 Apr 10 - 12:12 PM
Micca 05 Apr 10 - 05:30 AM
Bonnie Shaljean 05 Apr 10 - 04:39 AM
GUEST,noreen 05 Apr 10 - 04:14 AM
quokka 03 Apr 10 - 09:12 PM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 08:57 PM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 08:55 PM
Ebbie 03 Apr 10 - 06:02 PM
AllisonA(Animaterra) 03 Apr 10 - 02:16 PM
gnu 03 Apr 10 - 12:42 PM
katlaughing 03 Apr 10 - 12:09 PM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 12:09 PM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 12:05 PM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 12:02 PM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 11:59 AM
gnu 03 Apr 10 - 11:58 AM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 11:56 AM
VirginiaTam 16 Dec 09 - 04:33 PM
John J 12 Dec 09 - 12:06 PM
VirginiaTam 12 Dec 09 - 04:21 AM
Alice 12 Dec 09 - 12:41 AM
Amos 12 Dec 09 - 12:31 AM
katlaughing 11 Dec 09 - 10:31 PM
VirginiaTam 11 Dec 09 - 02:34 PM
ClaireBear 11 Dec 09 - 01:48 PM
Abdul The Bul Bul 11 Dec 09 - 01:41 PM
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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 24 May 10 - 10:08 AM

Congrats - having a lot of constructive work to do, such as decorating and settling into a new home, is such a positive and rewarding use of energy. It's a new day, new start. New freedom, as Sins says.

Don't forget to rest & relax sometime - have a mug of tea (or something stronger) to celebrate -

c[]


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 May 10 - 09:57 AM

So you have taken the hardest step - getting out. Enjoy your new space and your new feedom.
Mary


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 24 May 10 - 09:44 AM

I have just re-read Janie's comment above, which sums it up for me:

While I have never regretted the decision, I will always regret that it was necessary.

Yup.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 24 May 10 - 09:42 AM

It is finally done, I moved into my new little place at the weekend (and what a weekend, it feels like a couple of weeks since last Friday!)

Feeling strong but tired, with enormous amounts of sorting and de-cluttering to do.

But mostly feeling grateful for all the support and help, practical and virtual, from lovely people here and in the real world.

:)


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 07:14 PM

The bad feelings are natural, Noreen. Just try to accept them as relatively causeless, and live through to the time when the feelings will fade.

Thanks for the wise words, Dave.

It is so hard to step back from a situation which is taking up every last bit of mental energy (that and working full time at a new job), so considered thought from friends here is like a breath of fresh air.

I do feel strong in doing the right thing, but terribly sad, grieving for the loss of something that has been lovely.

Using the next few days off work to find somewhere reasonable to live.

Hugs received and returned :)


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Micca
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 04:36 AM

Regardless of the private issues and differences between the two parties in this matter two things stand out about this "other persons" actions in this matter, one is the (self confessed in the email)reading of private messages and the second is "hacking" someones e-mail to try and blacken their name, both of which actions, IMNSHO, are despicable!!!
You have the best wishes and support of friends, both here and in RL
Micca


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 10:11 PM

It reveals a lot more about the person putting the story around than it does about you - don't worry, people will see through it and recognise it for what it is. Petty mean spite that reflects on the tale teller's character, not yours. Honestly, how low can someone slink? I can't imagine anyone being fooled by such obviously sour grapes.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: ranger1
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 08:55 PM

Keep your chin up, Noreen. My mum had to deal with an X who did a similar thing with her e-mail account. It's as much a violation of your space as someone breaking into your home.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 08:45 PM

Apparently it has been put about that I started this thread to advertise my 'availability'.......!!!

The negativity in some people's hearts truly astounds me.

On the other hand, the warmth and love that has been shown me in this horrible time, also amazes me- and it is that that I will hold on to in my heart.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 02:43 PM

Wise words from DO there. I suggest you take his advice to heart Noreem, and get on with the next part of your life. This too shall pass.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 02:17 PM

I somehow missed the December posts - hadn't realised you'd been hurting for so long. Big hugs from me!

Kitty
xx


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: naughtyforty
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 02:10 PM

Big hugs Noreen - I know how hard it is to leave even when you know it is the right thing to do x x x x


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 06:10 PM

Still here Noreen... Please keep us informed as often as possible that you are safe and how you are getting on.

hugs


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 05:52 PM

Noreen, you asked:

And if it's the right thing to do, which I know it is, why does it feel so horrible?

For one thing, you've spent what has to have been a significant portion of your life as part of a unit with the other person; that IS PART OF WHO YOU ARE, or at least have been.

Then in our society most people, probably including you, think of the married state and family as the normal state, to be aspired to by young people and then a life spent in it. Now you may think of yourself as "a failure" at that grand goal.

So the tendency is to think of YOURSELF as a failed human being. And losing that combined life as part of the unit is a sort of death of the self, so you need to grieve for the loss of the hopes of years, and for the loss of who you are, or have seen yourself as, or have hoped yourself to be.

Never mind whose fault the failure of the relationship may have been; those losses are still psychologically real, and strike at the ego, however innocent or unblameworthy you may be.   It's like survivor guilt which many, many people have after the death of a loved one or other important person in their life: They tend to assume a guilt that is not theirs, like "If only I had spent more time with her," or "I should have INSISTED that he see a doctor about that swelling," or "I just did not love him enough."

The bad feelings are natural, Noreen. Just try to accept them as relatively causeless, and live through to the time when the feelings will fade.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 11:03 AM

Just to let you know that we're still here...


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 06 Apr 10 - 03:46 PM

Back home from a lovely long weekend with friends and family.
Still fine as no-one else is here in the house.
Will be getting my stuff together and staying positive- with help please.x


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 07:28 PM

thanks srs, i borrowed a laptop this morning and changed passwords so that stable door is now shut. Hope to sleep a bit better tonight. X


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 06:34 PM

If you're using an email program that has an online component, go in and change your password now. Then he won't be able to send any more from it. It's the same thing you would have to do if your computer was stolen and you want to protect your accounts, if you had passwords saved in the machine.

SRS


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Jeri
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 03:47 PM

The mail can be traced back to the computer from which it was sent. Frankly, anybody can 'spoof' your 'from' address, but there are headers on every message that show IP addresses, which can be traced to ISPs and from there, to the individual using the ISP at that particular moment.

Just in case you want to pursue anything.

Noreen: hugs. I can't do much more than that, but I'm sure you can do better than this ...

                     person.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: EBarnacle
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 02:35 PM

When I received divorce papers, I got an attorney. One of the first questions he asked me was "If your wife changes her mind, will you drop your countersuit?" It took me about one tenth of a second to answer "No!!!"

I immediately felt better. The relationship was a bad 'un and I had accepted it for the sake of our son. Once I accepted this, I was able to stop grieving and move forward.

I hope you reach the same point quickly.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 02:15 PM

There appear to be accusation and counter-accusation flying.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,CS
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 01:06 PM

"he got into my hotmail account and sent unfounded accusations about me to everyone in my address book"

Oh my, what appalling behaviour! No wonder you're leaving him. Good luck with moving on this time around. x


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 12:47 PM

Rather too many things being 'sent to try us' these last few days. Thanks for all the supportive messages, they do help so much. Xx


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 12:43 PM

yes micca, he got into my hotmail account and sent unfounded accusations about me to everyone in my address book- this is the nastiness mentioned above. I do apologise to those being drawn in- please ignore it :(


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 12:12 PM

still here for you Noreen. Glean as much rest and goodness from your easter break as possible.

tam


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Micca
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 05:30 AM

Noreen, an email seems to have been sent to your entire address book!! "originating" from you but signed differently.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 04:39 AM

Oh dear. Don't like the sound of that. Hope you can have a comfortable relaxed day today, and that it was a great big lovely choccy Easter egg.

Hang in there - it will get better as time passes.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 04:14 AM

Tea and easter egg in bed after 4hrs sleep and coping with much nastiness :(


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: quokka
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 09:12 PM

What Virginia Tam said reflects my situation virtually exactly. Finally made the move a month ago - like a great weight lifted off my shoulders. The best of luck to you, Noreen.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 08:57 PM

mostly i am feeling numb but determined! Thanks for the hugs and support. X


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 08:55 PM

i keep losing deep, carefully- considered posts, sending as i am from my phone, so i will leave those til i am home on tuesday.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 06:02 PM

Years ago a co-worker and I encouraged another co-worker to call it quits with her mostly vocally-abusive husband and she did. Her husband didn't take it at all well and neither of them ever remarried. Years later, she told me that if she had it to do over again she would not have left him.

It has made me a bit more humble about giving advice. I know that whatever you need to do, you will.

{{{{hug}}}}


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 02:16 PM

Sending love, as always.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 12:42 PM

I am sorry we "cross posted" on the "non-post".

I hope things get better.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 12:09 PM

That's okay, Noreen. If it is really you, or even if not, there is no need for explanations...just ask and we will offer the support we are able to give. Best to you, as always,

kat


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 12:09 PM

sun is shining in whitby so going to enjoy it for a bit. Thanks for any kind thoughts- i could do with them.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 12:05 PM

no updates because i felt a bit of a fraud when i decided to stick it out one more time, when so many were offering support for my leaving him.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 12:02 PM

sorry, fair enough to doubt me but i am away from home posting on my phone-hence short messages. Those who know me have some idea what has happened and that i am actually going this time.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 11:59 AM

just posted a long message from my phone but it got lost.
Briefly- i stayed in december, but now i am definitely going.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 11:58 AM

I doubt you. If you ARE Noreen, why no update?


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 11:56 AM

refresh


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 04:33 PM

How're you doing Noreen, dear?


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: John J
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:06 PM

Keep yer chin up chuck!

JJ


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 04:21 AM

Noreen

I (like Janie) left a 25 year relationship. Well the last 10 were more separation in the same house. And even with that length of time of no emotional connection it still hurt terribly when I said "enough." I hurt for him and for the us we used to be.

I managed to get happy again, but then it is not my nature to be unhappy, which is probably why I stuck to it so long. It would have been better for everyone, kids included if I had left 10 or more years earlier.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, ain't it? Totally fekking useless.

anyway... still thinking of you.

tam


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Alice
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:41 AM

I've been happily single most of my life, including raising a son.
Don't worry, there is a happy life possible in singledom!

((((((hugs to keep you going)))))))


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:31 AM

My life, too, is just effin' FULL of AFGOS. I sympathize.


A


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 10:31 PM

I think it was Bat Goddess who enlightened me about these kinds of situations being AFGOs..."another fucking growth opportunity!"

Hope that brought a smile to your face. Of course what the others have said is true. Sending you good thoughts and hugs.

luvyakat


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 02:34 PM

Oh my. So sorry Noreen. I have been off the threads for the most part for several days so I come to this late.

TSO and I send best wishes to you for strength and positive outcomes to very tough decisions.

And a big hug.

Tam and Chris


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: ClaireBear
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 01:48 PM

[[[Noreen]]]

Sympathetic hugs from another who know the feeling. Remember, wisdom is what you get when you don't get what you want. Doesn't much help sometimes, but it's still true.

Claire


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Abdul The Bul Bul
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 01:41 PM

Noreen, you know why you did it and you know why it was right. Don't get diverted. Theres only one way through it and thats to get through it. Time passes, your life is wide open and yours again.
Al


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