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Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(

Noreen 08 Dec 09 - 08:56 PM
Maryrrf 08 Dec 09 - 09:13 PM
Noreen 08 Dec 09 - 09:14 PM
Noreen 08 Dec 09 - 09:15 PM
Bonnie Shaljean 08 Dec 09 - 09:34 PM
Janie 08 Dec 09 - 09:46 PM
katlaughing 08 Dec 09 - 10:19 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:13 PM
maeve 08 Dec 09 - 11:55 PM
Stilly River Sage 09 Dec 09 - 12:08 AM
Catherine Jayne 09 Dec 09 - 03:06 AM
Stower 09 Dec 09 - 03:14 AM
Bryn Pugh 09 Dec 09 - 09:03 AM
Morticia 09 Dec 09 - 09:09 AM
Bonnie Shaljean 09 Dec 09 - 09:34 AM
AllisonA(Animaterra) 09 Dec 09 - 10:44 AM
Mrrzy 09 Dec 09 - 11:09 AM
Mrrzy 09 Dec 09 - 11:10 AM
Paul Burke 09 Dec 09 - 01:44 PM
Barb'ry 09 Dec 09 - 03:09 PM
Crow Sister (off with the fairies) 09 Dec 09 - 03:39 PM
GUEST 09 Dec 09 - 04:04 PM
Leadfingers 09 Dec 09 - 04:14 PM
Crow Sister (off with the fairies) 09 Dec 09 - 04:16 PM
gnu 09 Dec 09 - 04:23 PM
Noreen 09 Dec 09 - 05:58 PM
Janie 09 Dec 09 - 06:12 PM
Bobert 09 Dec 09 - 06:18 PM
My guru always said 10 Dec 09 - 04:16 AM
Dave Roberts 10 Dec 09 - 05:50 AM
Acorn4 10 Dec 09 - 08:29 AM
GUEST,Mr rEd 10 Dec 09 - 11:02 AM
Bill D 10 Dec 09 - 12:44 PM
Noreen 10 Dec 09 - 04:02 PM
Diva 11 Dec 09 - 01:15 PM
Diva 11 Dec 09 - 01:29 PM
Abdul The Bul Bul 11 Dec 09 - 01:41 PM
ClaireBear 11 Dec 09 - 01:48 PM
VirginiaTam 11 Dec 09 - 02:34 PM
katlaughing 11 Dec 09 - 10:31 PM
Amos 12 Dec 09 - 12:31 AM
Alice 12 Dec 09 - 12:41 AM
VirginiaTam 12 Dec 09 - 04:21 AM
John J 12 Dec 09 - 12:06 PM
VirginiaTam 16 Dec 09 - 04:33 PM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 11:56 AM
gnu 03 Apr 10 - 11:58 AM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 11:59 AM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 12:02 PM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 12:05 PM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 12:09 PM
katlaughing 03 Apr 10 - 12:09 PM
gnu 03 Apr 10 - 12:42 PM
AllisonA(Animaterra) 03 Apr 10 - 02:16 PM
Ebbie 03 Apr 10 - 06:02 PM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 08:55 PM
GUEST,noreen 03 Apr 10 - 08:57 PM
quokka 03 Apr 10 - 09:12 PM
GUEST,noreen 05 Apr 10 - 04:14 AM
Bonnie Shaljean 05 Apr 10 - 04:39 AM
Micca 05 Apr 10 - 05:30 AM
VirginiaTam 05 Apr 10 - 12:12 PM
GUEST,noreen 05 Apr 10 - 12:43 PM
GUEST,noreen 05 Apr 10 - 12:47 PM
GUEST,CS 05 Apr 10 - 01:06 PM
Richard Bridge 05 Apr 10 - 02:15 PM
EBarnacle 05 Apr 10 - 02:35 PM
Jeri 05 Apr 10 - 03:47 PM
Stilly River Sage 05 Apr 10 - 06:34 PM
GUEST,noreen 05 Apr 10 - 07:28 PM
Noreen 06 Apr 10 - 03:46 PM
Ebbie 07 Apr 10 - 11:03 AM
Uncle_DaveO 07 Apr 10 - 05:52 PM
VirginiaTam 07 Apr 10 - 06:10 PM
naughtyforty 08 Apr 10 - 02:10 PM
Herga Kitty 08 Apr 10 - 02:17 PM
John MacKenzie 08 Apr 10 - 02:43 PM
Noreen 09 Apr 10 - 08:45 PM
ranger1 09 Apr 10 - 08:55 PM
Bonnie Shaljean 09 Apr 10 - 10:11 PM
Micca 10 Apr 10 - 04:36 AM
Noreen 26 Apr 10 - 07:14 PM
Noreen 24 May 10 - 09:42 AM
Noreen 24 May 10 - 09:44 AM
SINSULL 24 May 10 - 09:57 AM
Bonnie Shaljean 24 May 10 - 10:08 AM
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Subject: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 08:56 PM

In shock, not what I hoped and planned for, but seemingly no alternative.

I'll be glad soon, I hope.

Hugs gratefully received.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Maryrrf
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 09:13 PM

Oh I'm sorry to hear this. Whatever the circumstances, and even if it is necessary and for the best, ending a relationship is never easy. You'll get through it, and probably yes, you will be glad. But for now, hugs and white light are in order.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 09:14 PM

And if it's the right thing to do, which I know it is, why does it feel so horrible?


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 09:15 PM

Thank you, Mary. Much needed.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 09:34 PM

One from me too. I don't know you, but I sure know what that feels like. Remember, it WILL heal. You will not always feel like this.

Love from Bonnie


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Janie
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 09:46 PM

I'm so sorry Noreen. Fairly recently divorced myself after 25 years together. Don't know what your circumstances are, but do know that it was very hard, and is still very sad, even though it was me who made the decision to end it. While I have never regretted the decision, I will always regret that it was necessary.

Hugs, light and loving kindness to you.

Janie


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 10:19 PM

{{{{{{Noreen}}}}}

It will pass.

luvyakat


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:13 PM

Ach, NOreen. My sorrow for any pain.

We males are unruly, volatile, and full of conceits.
Not always as smart as we pretend to be, either.

So, even though the short term is full of momentary pain and loss, the chances are the long term is full of growth, new discovery, and fulfillment.

The sooner you are free to find those things, the better. Free yourself at your earliest convenience.

Warm regards,


Amos


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: maeve
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:55 PM

Noreen-

       When Singledom Beckons

First there is winter; the pain and the grieving,
Bitterest anger washed clean with your tears.
Snow-swirling blizzards will bandage the wound.
When singledom beckons the earth keeps its spin.

Next will come planting; the seeds hold their harvest.
Throw off your burdens and compost the fear.
Seeds of tomorrow will grow in the warm earth.
When singledom beckens, new spring can begin.

Sunlight caresses the garden inside you.
Fragrant wild rosebuds are blossoming here.
Trickles of joy melt the ice-hobbled stream.
When singledom beckons the song can begin.

Maeve in Maine
copyright 2009


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 12:08 AM

Noreen, it does hurt like hell. If you were thinking about dieting, don't bother. If you're like many of us you'll one day look down at yourself and wonder that you don't blow away in a strong breeze. Broken up relationships will do that to you. But you do get over it, and you usually gain the weight back. It all takes a while. Keep your friends close by--they can be a huge help.

SRS


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 03:06 AM

Sorry to hear this Noreen. You are a strong woman and time heals. Hugs.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Stower
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 03:14 AM

Noreen, as someone who has been in this situation more than once, you have my every good wish. It does get easier. In the longer run, life also has a habit of springing some nice surprises, though that ray of sunshine will be hidden behind a very dark cloud at the moment. Be kind to yourself. Seek the company of good friends when you need them.   

Sending kind thoughts and good wishes.

Stower


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 09:03 AM

Dear Noreen,

It won't always hurt like this.

You are going through grieving ; bound to, when what might previously have been a loving relationship goes tits up.

Give time time.

It won't always hurt like this.

Joy, Health, Love and Peace.

Should you have access to a reasonable book of poety, try John Donne's "Nocturnal on Saint Lucie's Night".

Erica and Bryn


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Morticia
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 09:09 AM

i'm so sorry, hugs and much love to you xxxx


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 09:34 AM

Thanks for reminding me of the Donne poem, Bryn - one of the most beautiful expressions of loss and sorrow in the language. It's the right time of the year for it, too.

* * *

A Nocturnall Upon St. Lucie's Day, Being the Shortest Day

John Donne

Tis the year's midnight, and it is the day's,
Lucie's, who scarce seven hours herself unmasks
The sun is spent, and now his flasks
Send forth light squibs, no constant rays
The world's whole sap is sunk
The general balm th' hydroptic earth hath drunk,
Whither, as to the bed's-feet, life is shrunk,
Dead and interr'd yet all these seem to laugh,
Compared with me, who am their epitaph.

Study me then, you who shall lovers be
At the next world, that is, at the next spring
For I am every dead thing,
In whom Love wrought new alchemy.
For his art did express
A quintessence even from nothingness,
From dull privations, and lean emptiness
He ruin'd me, and I am re-begot
Of absence, darkness, death - things which are not.

All others, from all things, draw all that's good,
Life, soul, form, spirit, whence they being have
I, by Love's limbec, am the grave
Of all, that's nothing. Oft a flood
Have we two wept, and so
Drown'd the whole world, us two oft did we grow,
To be two chaoses, when we did show
Care to aught else and often absences
Withdrew our souls, and made us carcasses.

But I am by her death - which word wrongs her -
Of the first nothing the elixir grown
Were I a man, that I were one
I needs must know I should prefer,
If I were any beast,
Some ends, some means yea plants,
Yea stones detest,
And love all, all some properties invest.
If I an ordinary nothing were,
As shadow, a light, and body must be here.

But I am none nor will my sun renew.
You lovers, for whose sake the lesser sun
At this time to the Goat is run
To fetch new lust, and give it you,
Enjoy your summer all,
Since she enjoys her long night's festival.
Let me prepare towards her, and let me call
This hour her vigil, and her eve, since this
Both the year's and the day's deep midnight is.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 10:44 AM

Oh, my dear one- so sorry. I've traveled this road. I did learn that the pain heals, the heartache eases, and you will grow stronger.
Sing out the pain, my dear.

love,
Allison


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Mrrzy
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 11:09 AM

The right thing to do is often the horrible way, so you are strong and admirable for taking it! I have an old thread, called something like Miserable and singing about it, for when this happened to me, I'll try to find it for you, there were a lot of very helpful posts from this community there...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{best of luck and fortitude!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Mrrzy
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 11:10 AM

Here you are, dear.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Paul Burke
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 01:44 PM

Fairly recently divorced myself after 25 years together. said Janie.

I wish I had the courage to divorce myself.

Soon may both of you recover.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Barb'ry
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 03:09 PM

Take great care of yourself and I'm so sorry this has happened. Lots of love.
Keep in touch xxx


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 03:39 PM

Good luck with whatever changes you need to make Noreen.

I vividly recall you singing Suil a Ruin (amongst others) at one of the Kent meets early this year btw! And noticing in particular your beautifully elegant ornamentation - very lovely. Hope you're still getting out singing?


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:04 PM

Hi Noreen,

It's a grieving process, but it does get better. I met a lovely, kind, supportive man a little while after my marriage ended and we're still together. You never know what's round the next corner. It was a very tough time, but it was definitely the right decision.

Hugs.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Leadfingers
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:14 PM

Sympathy Noreen !


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:16 PM

"Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:04 PM

Hi Noreen,

It's a grieving process, but it does get better. I met a lovely, kind, supportive man a little while after my marriage ended and we're still together. You never know what's round the next corner. It was a very tough time, but it was definitely the right decision.

Hugs."

[I copy & pasted this Guest message when I spotted it, as the moderators simply delete any and all anonymous posts]


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: gnu
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:23 PM

"And if it's the right thing to do, which I know it is, why does it feel so horrible?"

Simple... it is a loss on many levels. No need to go into all of them. Each is a loss and they all add up.

Just remember one thing... if it is the right thing to do, better now than later. If, by some strange twist of fate, it's not, it will eventually right itself.

No words can stem the feelings. Only time heals. In the meantime. take solace in another simple fact. Life happens and sometimes all we can do is wait for time to heal.

Just don't be hard on yourself in any way... life happens... whether we like it or not.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 05:58 PM

These responses are just wonderful, thank you all so much.

Much thinking to do, had lots of positive thoughts today and hope to be able to sleep tonight.

xxxx


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Janie
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 06:12 PM

What gnu said....


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bobert
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 06:18 PM

Yeah, it sucks but one door closes and another opens... Here's hopin' that the one that opens will make you look back at this as God's way of making your life better...

But for now???

{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}

B~


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: My guru always said
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 04:16 AM

Oh Sweetie!! Huge hugs for you, hope you can tread the right path!!!

Lots of love,
Hil xx

Ps, Maeve that was lovely, what a star you are!!


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Dave Roberts
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 05:50 AM

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. It happened to me and it is awful, but it eventually brings greater compassion, wisdom and understanding.
The phrase 'sadder but wiser' is very true.
Very best wishes.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Acorn4
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 08:29 AM

The folk "community" is really supportive when things like this happen. We've always maintained that there's far more to it than just the music -it becomes a bit of a family in a funny sort of way!


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,Mr rEd
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 11:02 AM

Time to write songs........................


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 12:44 PM

Oh my! Sometimes life is just too complicated....

Best wishes for easing into the next stages...

(gee--don't I sound like a dull philosopher?)


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 04:02 PM

not dull, Bill.

You are all lovely people and these responses warm my heart xxxx


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Diva
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 01:15 PM

Wishing you all the best on this next stage

Kathy


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Diva
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 01:29 PM

It will get easier and though the end my relationship wasn't my choice I eventually realised that he'd done me a huge favour and I have had so much fun with my pals since then..........be kind to yourself and keep busy

Kathyxx


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Abdul The Bul Bul
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 01:41 PM

Noreen, you know why you did it and you know why it was right. Don't get diverted. Theres only one way through it and thats to get through it. Time passes, your life is wide open and yours again.
Al


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: ClaireBear
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 01:48 PM

[[[Noreen]]]

Sympathetic hugs from another who know the feeling. Remember, wisdom is what you get when you don't get what you want. Doesn't much help sometimes, but it's still true.

Claire


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 02:34 PM

Oh my. So sorry Noreen. I have been off the threads for the most part for several days so I come to this late.

TSO and I send best wishes to you for strength and positive outcomes to very tough decisions.

And a big hug.

Tam and Chris


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Dec 09 - 10:31 PM

I think it was Bat Goddess who enlightened me about these kinds of situations being AFGOs..."another fucking growth opportunity!"

Hope that brought a smile to your face. Of course what the others have said is true. Sending you good thoughts and hugs.

luvyakat


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:31 AM

My life, too, is just effin' FULL of AFGOS. I sympathize.


A


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Alice
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:41 AM

I've been happily single most of my life, including raising a son.
Don't worry, there is a happy life possible in singledom!

((((((hugs to keep you going)))))))


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 04:21 AM

Noreen

I (like Janie) left a 25 year relationship. Well the last 10 were more separation in the same house. And even with that length of time of no emotional connection it still hurt terribly when I said "enough." I hurt for him and for the us we used to be.

I managed to get happy again, but then it is not my nature to be unhappy, which is probably why I stuck to it so long. It would have been better for everyone, kids included if I had left 10 or more years earlier.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, ain't it? Totally fekking useless.

anyway... still thinking of you.

tam


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: John J
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:06 PM

Keep yer chin up chuck!

JJ


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 04:33 PM

How're you doing Noreen, dear?


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 11:56 AM

refresh


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 11:58 AM

I doubt you. If you ARE Noreen, why no update?


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 11:59 AM

just posted a long message from my phone but it got lost.
Briefly- i stayed in december, but now i am definitely going.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 12:02 PM

sorry, fair enough to doubt me but i am away from home posting on my phone-hence short messages. Those who know me have some idea what has happened and that i am actually going this time.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 12:05 PM

no updates because i felt a bit of a fraud when i decided to stick it out one more time, when so many were offering support for my leaving him.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 12:09 PM

sun is shining in whitby so going to enjoy it for a bit. Thanks for any kind thoughts- i could do with them.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 12:09 PM

That's okay, Noreen. If it is really you, or even if not, there is no need for explanations...just ask and we will offer the support we are able to give. Best to you, as always,

kat


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 12:42 PM

I am sorry we "cross posted" on the "non-post".

I hope things get better.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 02:16 PM

Sending love, as always.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 06:02 PM

Years ago a co-worker and I encouraged another co-worker to call it quits with her mostly vocally-abusive husband and she did. Her husband didn't take it at all well and neither of them ever remarried. Years later, she told me that if she had it to do over again she would not have left him.

It has made me a bit more humble about giving advice. I know that whatever you need to do, you will.

{{{{hug}}}}


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 08:55 PM

i keep losing deep, carefully- considered posts, sending as i am from my phone, so i will leave those til i am home on tuesday.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 08:57 PM

mostly i am feeling numb but determined! Thanks for the hugs and support. X


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: quokka
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 09:12 PM

What Virginia Tam said reflects my situation virtually exactly. Finally made the move a month ago - like a great weight lifted off my shoulders. The best of luck to you, Noreen.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 04:14 AM

Tea and easter egg in bed after 4hrs sleep and coping with much nastiness :(


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 04:39 AM

Oh dear. Don't like the sound of that. Hope you can have a comfortable relaxed day today, and that it was a great big lovely choccy Easter egg.

Hang in there - it will get better as time passes.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Micca
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 05:30 AM

Noreen, an email seems to have been sent to your entire address book!! "originating" from you but signed differently.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 12:12 PM

still here for you Noreen. Glean as much rest and goodness from your easter break as possible.

tam


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 12:43 PM

yes micca, he got into my hotmail account and sent unfounded accusations about me to everyone in my address book- this is the nastiness mentioned above. I do apologise to those being drawn in- please ignore it :(


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 12:47 PM

Rather too many things being 'sent to try us' these last few days. Thanks for all the supportive messages, they do help so much. Xx


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,CS
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 01:06 PM

"he got into my hotmail account and sent unfounded accusations about me to everyone in my address book"

Oh my, what appalling behaviour! No wonder you're leaving him. Good luck with moving on this time around. x


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 02:15 PM

There appear to be accusation and counter-accusation flying.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: EBarnacle
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 02:35 PM

When I received divorce papers, I got an attorney. One of the first questions he asked me was "If your wife changes her mind, will you drop your countersuit?" It took me about one tenth of a second to answer "No!!!"

I immediately felt better. The relationship was a bad 'un and I had accepted it for the sake of our son. Once I accepted this, I was able to stop grieving and move forward.

I hope you reach the same point quickly.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Jeri
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 03:47 PM

The mail can be traced back to the computer from which it was sent. Frankly, anybody can 'spoof' your 'from' address, but there are headers on every message that show IP addresses, which can be traced to ISPs and from there, to the individual using the ISP at that particular moment.

Just in case you want to pursue anything.

Noreen: hugs. I can't do much more than that, but I'm sure you can do better than this ...

                     person.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 06:34 PM

If you're using an email program that has an online component, go in and change your password now. Then he won't be able to send any more from it. It's the same thing you would have to do if your computer was stolen and you want to protect your accounts, if you had passwords saved in the machine.

SRS


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: GUEST,noreen
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 07:28 PM

thanks srs, i borrowed a laptop this morning and changed passwords so that stable door is now shut. Hope to sleep a bit better tonight. X


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 06 Apr 10 - 03:46 PM

Back home from a lovely long weekend with friends and family.
Still fine as no-one else is here in the house.
Will be getting my stuff together and staying positive- with help please.x


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 11:03 AM

Just to let you know that we're still here...


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 05:52 PM

Noreen, you asked:

And if it's the right thing to do, which I know it is, why does it feel so horrible?

For one thing, you've spent what has to have been a significant portion of your life as part of a unit with the other person; that IS PART OF WHO YOU ARE, or at least have been.

Then in our society most people, probably including you, think of the married state and family as the normal state, to be aspired to by young people and then a life spent in it. Now you may think of yourself as "a failure" at that grand goal.

So the tendency is to think of YOURSELF as a failed human being. And losing that combined life as part of the unit is a sort of death of the self, so you need to grieve for the loss of the hopes of years, and for the loss of who you are, or have seen yourself as, or have hoped yourself to be.

Never mind whose fault the failure of the relationship may have been; those losses are still psychologically real, and strike at the ego, however innocent or unblameworthy you may be.   It's like survivor guilt which many, many people have after the death of a loved one or other important person in their life: They tend to assume a guilt that is not theirs, like "If only I had spent more time with her," or "I should have INSISTED that he see a doctor about that swelling," or "I just did not love him enough."

The bad feelings are natural, Noreen. Just try to accept them as relatively causeless, and live through to the time when the feelings will fade.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 06:10 PM

Still here Noreen... Please keep us informed as often as possible that you are safe and how you are getting on.

hugs


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: naughtyforty
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 02:10 PM

Big hugs Noreen - I know how hard it is to leave even when you know it is the right thing to do x x x x


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 02:17 PM

I somehow missed the December posts - hadn't realised you'd been hurting for so long. Big hugs from me!

Kitty
xx


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 02:43 PM

Wise words from DO there. I suggest you take his advice to heart Noreem, and get on with the next part of your life. This too shall pass.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 08:45 PM

Apparently it has been put about that I started this thread to advertise my 'availability'.......!!!

The negativity in some people's hearts truly astounds me.

On the other hand, the warmth and love that has been shown me in this horrible time, also amazes me- and it is that that I will hold on to in my heart.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: ranger1
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 08:55 PM

Keep your chin up, Noreen. My mum had to deal with an X who did a similar thing with her e-mail account. It's as much a violation of your space as someone breaking into your home.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 10:11 PM

It reveals a lot more about the person putting the story around than it does about you - don't worry, people will see through it and recognise it for what it is. Petty mean spite that reflects on the tale teller's character, not yours. Honestly, how low can someone slink? I can't imagine anyone being fooled by such obviously sour grapes.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Micca
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 04:36 AM

Regardless of the private issues and differences between the two parties in this matter two things stand out about this "other persons" actions in this matter, one is the (self confessed in the email)reading of private messages and the second is "hacking" someones e-mail to try and blacken their name, both of which actions, IMNSHO, are despicable!!!
You have the best wishes and support of friends, both here and in RL
Micca


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 07:14 PM

The bad feelings are natural, Noreen. Just try to accept them as relatively causeless, and live through to the time when the feelings will fade.

Thanks for the wise words, Dave.

It is so hard to step back from a situation which is taking up every last bit of mental energy (that and working full time at a new job), so considered thought from friends here is like a breath of fresh air.

I do feel strong in doing the right thing, but terribly sad, grieving for the loss of something that has been lovely.

Using the next few days off work to find somewhere reasonable to live.

Hugs received and returned :)


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 24 May 10 - 09:42 AM

It is finally done, I moved into my new little place at the weekend (and what a weekend, it feels like a couple of weeks since last Friday!)

Feeling strong but tired, with enormous amounts of sorting and de-cluttering to do.

But mostly feeling grateful for all the support and help, practical and virtual, from lovely people here and in the real world.

:)


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Noreen
Date: 24 May 10 - 09:44 AM

I have just re-read Janie's comment above, which sums it up for me:

While I have never regretted the decision, I will always regret that it was necessary.

Yup.


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 May 10 - 09:57 AM

So you have taken the hardest step - getting out. Enjoy your new space and your new feedom.
Mary


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Subject: RE: Non-music: Singledom Beckons :0(
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 24 May 10 - 10:08 AM

Congrats - having a lot of constructive work to do, such as decorating and settling into a new home, is such a positive and rewarding use of energy. It's a new day, new start. New freedom, as Sins says.

Don't forget to rest & relax sometime - have a mug of tea (or something stronger) to celebrate -

c[]


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