BS: How do I stop a log thief?

Subject: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Suegorgeous
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 09:41 PM

Twice this evening some guy stole logs from the large pile I keep in my tiny front garden. The first time my lodger caught him in the act, and when challenged, he brazenly claimed he had my permission, then shot off before I could get outside. The second time both of us were out.

Once I can tolerate; twice on the same night, despite a challenge is cheeky (and a bit scarey). And I don't want my entire (not cheap) log supply disappearing!

I've had several ideas: putting/wedging obstacles in his path (dustbins and the like) that will make it difficult/noisy to get to the logs; hoping I spot him from inside the house, then following him and reporting him. Apart from these (plus my fantasies of barb-wiring the pile, or creating some elaborate trip/alarm mechanism) - anyone any ideas that are easy and not dangerous to implement?

Ta!

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Alice
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 09:54 PM

Do you or your lodger have a dog?

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 09:56 PM

A camera...catch him in the act and take a snap or make a video; these days you can do either with a mobile. Or, pour red pepper all over the top ones so that when he grabs them he'll either sneeze or get it in his eyes? (Just brainstorming, here.:-)

Borrow a dog that will bark and sound very scary.

Tie the pile together by running a loop around the end of each log, then tie it to the house via a railing or something.

Do you have any kind of fencing that could be put up with a lock and key?

Seems pretty cheeky to be so bold!

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 10:09 PM

Is there a police force that covers your area?

Subject: Lyr Add: SPANISH PIPEDREAM (John Prine)
From: pdq
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 10:13 PM

Cities make people crazy.

The safe thing to do is nothing. Let him have a few pieces of wood.

Move what you can inside.

Then, next spring...


SPANISH PIPEDREAM
John Prine

1. She was a level-headed dancer on the road to alcohol,
And I was just a soldier on my way to Montreal.
Well, she pressed her chest against me about the time the jukebox broke.
Yeah, she give me a peck on the back of the neck and these are the words she spoke:

CHORUS: Blow up your TV. Throw away your paper.
Go to the country. Build you a home.
Plant a little garden. Eat a lot o' peaches.
Try and find Jesus on your own.

2. Well, I sat there at the table, and I acted real naive,
For I knew that topless lady, had somethin' up her sleeve.
Well, she danced around the barroom, and she did the hoochie-koo.
Yeah, she sang her song all night long, tellin' me what to do. (CHORUS)

3. Well, I was young and hungry, and about to leave that place,
When just as I was leavin', well, she looked me in the face.
I said, "You must know the answer." She said, "No, but I'll give it a try,"
And to this very day we been a-livin' our way, and here is the reason why:

LAST CHORUS: We blew up our TV, threw away our paper,
Went to the country, built us a home,
Had a lot o' children, fed 'em on peaches.
They all found Jesus on their own.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 10:14 PM

pour something VERY smelly on the top two or three logs....

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Rowan
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 10:15 PM

If the pile is close to the house, a movement sensor that turns a floodlight on might be a deterrent, especially if you have supportive neighbours. The versions I've seen in the shops here have an overriding switch to allow you to use the light as you would any other, which might be handy if you wish to retrieve a log after dark, yourself; just remember to shield the sensor from direct sunlight. you could also go to the trouble of linking such a setup to a webcam or other recorder, as a means of collecting identifying evidence.

If the thief is so brazen as to do it in daylight, a rope/tie/strap around the entire pile (plus a camcorder) might be your only option.

All the best.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Alice
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 10:18 PM

I was thinking of a movement sensor, too. You can get them not just for lights, but to set off an alarm sound.

Good luck!

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 10:32 PM

Go to the chemist's. Get some sulphur (or sulfur, if you prefer). Work a bunch of it into a few of the top logs, but be sure to know which ones they are.

Or

You can get motion sensitive cameras that can take pictures by infrared or by regular flash at night. They cost about $200 US and are available from sporting goods dealers like Cabelas (a US huntin'-fishin' outfitter). Take the pictures to the police, and be sure to press charges -- theft, trespass, whatever you can get.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: GUEST,999
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 10:53 PM

If you have logs you have either an axe or a chainsaw. Need I say more? Kidding.

Take a pic and call the police. THEN, publish his name in the paper.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: bobad
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 11:28 PM

Check out the movie "Straw Dogs".

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 11:40 PM

Tie a large dog up on a medium-short lead to the log pile. Borrow a Doberman for this...



A

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Bert
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 01:14 AM

Get a motion sensor light. Connect it to a recorder playing the sound of a rattlesnake. Hide the speaker in the woodpile. (or just get a rattlesnake)

Oh and as well as Rapaire's sulfur, you could sprinkle some red devil on the top logs.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: CarolC
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 02:30 AM

Get a large heavy tarp with grommet holes around the edges. Cover the stacked logs with the tarp. Run a plastic coated metal cable through the grommets so the bottom of the tarp is snug around the bottom of the stack of logs. Make a secure loop at each end of the cable (several layers of duct tape might be sufficient to hold the loop together) and put a padlock through the loops. It's not tamper proof, but it would certainly slow the guy down enough to make him think twice about stealing your logs. Or better yet, put your logs on a pallet and loop the cable around the pallet boards as you run it through the grommet holes at the bottom of the stack. If you're worried about him cutting through the tarp, you could also secure the whole stack down with some more cable and lock it as well. That would slow him down even more. And if he still tried to steal your logs with all of that, you would at least have plenty of time to make a video of him in the act.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: GUEST,hg
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 05:49 AM

Go to his abode, knock on his door, introduce yourself when he opens it, ask him politely not to take anymore of your logs and remind him that you expect him to pay you back for the ones he has already borrowed.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 06:55 AM

A set gun.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Lox
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 07:11 AM

cover them with a wire mesh and electrify it.

ZAPP!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Lox
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 07:14 AM

(don't forget to turn it off when you get logs for yourself)

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: kendall
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 07:30 AM

If your lodger can identify him why have you not taken him to court?

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 09:32 AM

It's quite possible the thief doesn't even think of his helping himself to your firewood as theft per se. He may be operating under the misconception that your firewood is something you gathered at no charge and, thus, has no real monetary value. Perhaps he needs to be told that you have to pay real money for your firewood just like you have to pay real money for the gasoline in your car's tank. Some people are stupid and need stuff 'splained to 'em.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: akenaton
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 10:04 AM

PDQ...Never heard that Prine song before.....Its lovely!...thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: akenaton
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 10:07 AM

and fuckin' good advice.....Ake (a country boy)

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 12:01 PM

Most of these preventive measures are time consuming and expensive. Why don't you simply move your stack of wood?

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Alice
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 12:11 PM

Piece of cardboard and a felt tip marker - make a sign and put it on the stack.
Wood thieves will be prosecuted.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 12:35 PM

I'd call the local police and ask their advice.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 12:49 PM

The answer was in Richard Gough's excellent History of Myddle, written in the early years of the 18th century, and detailing the lives of many of the inhabitants of that Shropshire village. One of the villagers was given to stealing firewood from his neighbours, and one victim contived to hollow out a log, fill it with gunpowder, re-seal it invisibly, and lay it nonchalantly on his woodpile. It was predictably stolen; the resulting detonation removed the end of the thief's house. He didn't do it again.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: kendall
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 01:14 PM

That would get you arrested. Take a life for a piece of firewood?

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 01:28 PM

Bore a 1 inch diameter hole 3 inches deep in the log. Insert a 16 gauge shotgun shell, quail and pheasant load if you want to make him soil his pants, Magnum load if you want to crack his firebrick. Re-seal hole with a mix of sawdust, bark, and Elmer's glue. Place on top of log stack.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 01:31 PM

I just saw Paul's post. So I guess a gunpowder-filled log is just a little too edgy. So maybe a sign saying "WARNING: Several Logs have been Spiked with Shotgun Shells!" might work.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: DougR
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 03:41 PM

I'm with Bee-dub: negotiate. That's what all good liberals do, isn't it? You could threaten him with sanctions! That ought to do it!

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 03:58 PM

Try a Tazer. This model comes in colors to suit your taste.

Taser

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 04:02 PM

Ah, shucks! Tasers prohibited to civilians in Canada.

Only in the U. S. A., you say? Pity.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 06:01 PM

Doug, please understand that my advice to Suegorgeous is strictly what I think she, a presumably unarmed urban-dwelling female should do. It's not necessarily what I, a gun-owning country boy whose nearest neighbors live at least a quarter mile away through the woods would do. Anyone caught stealing from me gets introduced to Mr. Winchester. I'm assuming Suegorgeous doesn't have Mr. Winchester hanging on her wall, or she wouldn't have started this thread.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Gurney
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 06:17 PM

Rapaire and Bert have suggested 'spiked' logs. If I was doing one, I'd use Chilli powder.
But I'd drill it and fill it, a nice-looking log that I could identify....

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: robomatic
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 07:13 PM

I come in somewhere in the middle. I like the idea of a spiked log, if you can keep from using it yourself. But you should use a reduced load, a blank or something like fireworks. The thief might have visitors, guests, or kids.

Alarm but do not damage.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Ed T
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 07:48 PM

If he likes her, steal his wife. If not, think of another idea.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Ed T
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 07:55 PM

"(you)... are never going to win the argument unless (you) put (your) head over the parapet." Quote Sir Digby Jones

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Suegorgeous
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 08:20 PM

Marvellous! thank you, I knew you¡¦d all turn up trumps. :) Funny, cos ALL these ideas have crossed my mind during the last day! So it¡¦s been really helpful to entertain them coming from others. And have to admit, at times I¡¦ve felt enraged enough to be sorely tempted to carry out some of the more extreme/lethal/bonkers ideas. But ¡V I value my freedom too highly (plus I¡¦m a big softie when it comes to it).

To respond to some of the questions:

We don¡¦t have a dog, nor access to one. Neither would I want to chain up any poor beast in my tiny front¡Kerrr¡K.bit (to call it a garden is actually quite laughable - it measures roughly 3ft by 15 ft).

I could call the police, but without a photo or his address, there¡¦s nothing they can or will do. They¡¦ll just spend an hour writing it all down and then telling me to try to catch him at it without endangering myself, before ringing them. And I know all that already.

Even though my lodger could potentially identify him, we can¡¦t report him/take him to court cos we have no idea where he lives.

I¡¦d prefer to avoid wasting money (that¡¦s probably more than the cost of the whole pile) on a sensor for just one petty thief. And then it also may give the impression to others that I might have something REALLY valuable to steal (inside the house)¡K

Cheaper and easier is the tarp-n-chain idea. But mean old me still resents having to spend out even on that!

I have neither axe nor chainsaw (so awww, shame, no massacre). I buy in the logs as logs.

No, I¡¦m not the kind of gal that hangs guns and crossbows on my walls - I¡¦m a paid-up ageing hippie, goddammit! ƒº And I think it¡¦s probably in fact illegal to own one in the UK?

The ideas that I¡¦ve seriously considered are:

1. those involving negotiation (thanks Guest, hg¡¦s and Bee-dub) ¡V name and shame (and I agree, he probably does have the attitude that my logs are fair game). BUT these assume that I know where he lives. And to find that out (I¡¦ve thought this through), I¡¦d have to either lurk behind my front curtain in a darkened room (boring and cold) or in my car (even boringer and colder) for hours waiting for him to come back (and he might not), then somehow creep out of the house really fast and quietly, and follow him home without being seen. Might be exciting though.

2. the noticeboard ones (my lodger and I fantasised about a sign saying ¡§Do it again and we break yer legs¡¨). But I suspect he¡¦d just move it aside and carry on pilfering.

3. Even quite like the ones involving irritating (not lethal) substances. But I fear the current rain and damp would render them useless in hours.

Stilly River ¡V you are SO spot on! that is the sensible sane no-cost solution, and exactly what I should do. And if he persists, I¡¦ll probably end up moving the whole lot through the house to the back garden. But I hesitate because it took me 3 hours to move the whole pile in the first place, just the few feet from the pavement to where it is now, and I was exhausted and in a bit of pain after (I have bad knees). I¡¦d probably have to ask someone to do it for me.

So ¡V plan A, which I carried out this afternoon, was to wrap the front of the tarp round a heavy object, chain my bike across the front, and wedge a dustbin in front of that. And so far today he hasn¡¦t come back (touch wood). Plan B will be moving the logpile, but I hope it won¡¦t come to that.

I¡¦ll keep you informed¡K.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Sawzaw
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 08:22 PM

It may be urban legend but there are several stories of people drilling out logs, pouring in gunpowder then plugging the hole.

I would prefer pouring in something stinky like skunk juice if I knew where to get some.

Maybe Liquid Ass would work.

Just drill a hole big enough for a bottle of it and shove it in.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Ed T
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 08:38 PM

On a seriopus note....no sense getting yourself in a stressful feud or hurt over a few logs...best to put them sopmewhere less likely to be stolen.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: kendall
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 08:48 PM

The Police in your area sound like they are next to useless!

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 09:40 PM

Essence of skunk (and other critters) can be had at huntin'-fishin' stores here in the States. Drill a little hole, put in a condom with fox urine in it, stick in a plug....

But since the pile in in clear sight, moving it is probably the ultimate answer.

'Round here, someone might meet a Marlin or some similar sort of critter. But then, this IS the Wild West.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Alice
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 09:46 PM

Just think, if all of us on this thread could just make a human chain, we could hand them down the line, through your house, and stack them in the back garden. Oh, well. That would be the best solution.

Alice (who has had to stack lots of firewood)

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Gurney
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 10:07 PM

Sue, I suggested Chilli Powder because I was trying to dry some (that had become damp) out in the microwave and it caught fire. You simply cannot breathe the smoke! Worse than tear gas.
But, most of it would go up the chimney.

I don't think negotiation works with thieves. They see it as weakness.

You could try an old camera at the window as a bluff, or a real arrangement if you have the tech.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Alice
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 10:15 PM

A sign on your gate that says Beware Of Dog (even though you don't have one)? Trying to think of things that are no cost for you.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Beer
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 11:11 PM

Bobad.
When Straw Dogs came out it was the most powerful movie I had ever seen. Dustin Hoffman once said that he wanted to make a movie that would be so powerful that folks would not want to get up and leave the theater when it was finished. Maybe not the exact words but something close to this. Straw Dogs made me feel this way.
Beer (adrien)

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Gurney
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 11:19 PM

Guest Jean.

She bought.

He steals.

Let him get a job.

After he gets out.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Dec 09 - 11:46 PM

Get a local friendly gentleman to eat asparagus and then pee on the logs (make sure you note which ones and don't use them yourself) - when he takes them to burn they will stink his house out.

The gentleman friend doesn't need to eat asparagus, but it does add an extra piquantcy to the aroma.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Bert
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 02:54 AM

Spiking the logs with Red Devil would not be dangerous because it is designed to be thrown on the fire. The thing is, that he wouldn't know what it was, and it would scare the pants off him when it flared up.

Also it wouldn't matter if you burned that log accidentally 'cos you you know what it was.

Subject: RE: BS: How do I stop a log thief?
From: Suegorgeous
Date: 21 Dec 09 - 04:46 AM

And today last night's snowfall has momentarily come to my rescue. Everything's covered in it! fab thief deterrent! hooray! (we don't get much snow in Bristol)