Subject: Lyr Add: VASECTOMY (Bernard Wrigley)
From:
clansfolk
Date: 25 Jul 01 - 01:33 PM
Here's another song ideal for falsetto! the LSD quoted in the song refers to the UK money system prior to 1971 Pounds - Shillings and pence. - if you want to hear the tune its on John Bonds CD which will be available (soon) as a download from MP3.com. Also accessible via John's url......enjoy.......
VASECTOMY.
(Bernard Wrigley)
Albert was a quiet lad, he loved a quiet life,
He hadn't any kids, but he'd a domineering wife.
One day she said, "I've had enough, but if you love me still,
The contraception's up to you, I'm coming off the Pill."
"Whatever can I do?" he thought, "Don't I get all the luck?
I can't start using rubbers, they choke the neighbour's duck,
I've got to think of something else, another remedy,
There's only one course open now, and that's Vasectomy."
Chorus:-
"Oh dear Albert, whatever have you done?
You'll never have a daughter, you'll never have a son.
I hope the Doctor told you, 'You're on a one way trip.'
There is no way to change your mind, when the scissors have gone snip.
He went to his Physician, to ask for his advice
He said, "Have the operation lad, I'll do it in a trice."
"The waiting list is fifteen years, on the National Health,
But give me Fifty Guineas, and I'll do the job myself."
He paid the man the money, had the job done right away,
Then he walked home like a cowboy, who's horse had gone astray.
He couldn't sit, he couldn't stand, it was agony to cough,
And when he held his breath it felt like things were falling off.
--Chorus--
His conjugal equipment turned a funny shade of green,
What used to be his pride and joy, was nowhere to be seen.
He said, "There's been a cock up, this Doctor's gone too far,
I bet it's on his desk right now, inside a pickling jar."
A week went by and things got worse, he was bruised and feeling sore,
He counted up his assets, and he found that he'd got four.
He'd one just like a marble, next to a pointed one,
And one just like a tennis ball... with a tennis racquet on.
--Chorus--
He has a fond affection now, for tom-cats and the like,
It's put him right off eating nuts, and he cannot ride his bike.
He daren't go by the cobblers, he comes out in a rash,
And when he sees a Doctor, he could win a ten-mile-dash.
So if you've got some money, old fashioned L.S.D.
And you want a way to spend it, then try Vasectomy.
You may find that you like it, you can have yourself a ball,
Or two or three or even four, or maybe none at all.
--Chorus--
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sj
