LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 23 May 10 - 10:25 AM

aahhh but Sandra... codydramol is trading one kind of pain for another. Constipation and bad headache when it wears off. If I can cope with joint pain which is not threatening my life, then I do.

I have been much better these last couple of weeks. Lots of walks. I am chuffed.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 May 10 - 05:28 AM

beautifully put, Tam

sandra (who often forgets to take effective pain relief!)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 23 May 10 - 04:57 AM

Don't forget darling that pain is stress and stress is bad. If you get fuzzy for a time so be it. Just float. If you get addicted (which I doubt) then deal with that problem after you've kicked the cancer.

Get it? Get your priorities straight. Fight for life first. Then for the quality of life.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 May 10 - 01:55 AM

SRS,

   I'm so sorry. :(

    You are very right, I am so lucky to have the relief available and I do need to use it. In fact, I have an overabundance of pain meds as both my doctors tell me that there is no reason I need to be in pain. Before my surgery ever happened, I asked about pain control/pain management and was told that if I was in pain, I needed to let them know and it would be taken care of, period.
    I get cloudy when I hurt so much and don't think straight. As of now, I've had 8 hours of pain management and everything about ME is in a better space...perhaps sleepy and kinda foggy but I can think.
    I have asked Pete to PLEASE remind me to take the meds...there is no reason to waste another day like I did today.
   
   On a completely different note, I wrote to the American Cancer Society to see about being a volunteer driver (of course this is for when I am feeling well and through the predictable week of ick)...taking people to their appointments. They need drivers and it makes me feel good to help someone else.....lets me be useful. Also, I've inquired about a camping drum circle/yoga weekend for after my last treatment....I wrote to them explaining health circumstances and will see what they have to say.....I think the act of beating on something sounds therapeutic and a drum circle just sounds like FUN!!! I am a novice djembe player so it's a chance to learn something or to just get lost dancing to the beat!

   And SRS....thanks for sharing that with me.....you made me think.

Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 May 10 - 01:17 AM

Michelle, the difficulty here is that there is way more information out there about drug abuse than the use about appropriate use for pain control. When you're fighting pain, you're not going to get strung out on those pills. They're doing what they're supposed to do.

My mother had a very painful death, from metastasized breast cancer (into the bones of her spine). The hospital wanted patients to request pain medications when they needed them, my mom and my sister (her advocate) wanted them on a regular schedule, but the hospital wouldn't comply. And when my mom did ask for pain medications, it typically took the nurse over an hour to bring it. By then the pain was so bad, and the medicine, when it acted, knocked her out for a couple of hours. She hated that excruciating pain/sleep/little zone of comfort pattern. Much better to take it as needed, or on a regular schedule. You're lucky you can choose, so choose what makes you feel better.

Mom finally had enough of the health care system and went on strike. She refused all food and medications, and they put in (I think) an IV for fluids and a pump for pain meds only. She died two weeks after her first hospitalization, but she could have lived much longer without pain with prescribed long term pain treatments (targeted radiation to kill nerves in the spine that were responsible for the pain). I place the responsibility for her early death on the miserable health care system--they're so busy trying to operate within the finances as they exist today that they can't treat patients when they need attention. You shouldn't have to negotiate on things like this.


Sorry to introduce this sad story, but the point is that whether you're going through chemo or at the end stage of life, pain control is important and the medications will control the pain. They won't make you high and you won't get hooked, as long as you use them to treat pain.

Take what you need, when you need it. Get the sleep you need, and get past this hump. We're looking forward to the dynamo you become when you're back feeling better again. That Michelle is absolutely stunning!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 May 10 - 11:33 PM

Hmmmm...I seem to remember having to tell you to take the Xanax waaaayyyy back. It's okay to use the meds when you are going through such a MAJOR event as you have been. I know you don't want to get strung out on meds, but you won't because you aren't wired that way. As you say, Take the Meds and let it go, already!**bg**

Sleep tight and sweet dreams. See ya on the flip side!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 22 May 10 - 08:13 PM

Michelle,

I fully understand you not wanting to get strung out on pain pills but...

...this is a difficult time that you are going thru so, please, take 2 pills and be glad you got 'um... The bad guys that yer killin' off would love to have some of them pills... Tough... They'll just have to deal with it... You??? Not!!! Take the pills, go off to Fogsburg and be happy knowing that yer right on the verge of being crowned...

...Queen of the 10,000 Club!!!

Nighty, nite... don't let the bed bugs bite...

b~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 May 10 - 08:01 PM

I do NOT know what my deal is. You'd think by this point, I'd have it figured out to just TAKE THE PAIN MEDS AND GO TO BED and then to wake up and TAKE MORE PAIN MEDS. It's amazing how much better I feel after taking the medication and putting myself into time out for a nap.

I just don't want to be hooked on pills I guess or to have the effectiveness of them wear out....but for crying out loud (Note to self)...TAKE THE DAMN PILLS ALREADY.

Tonight I am leaving the Land of the Living and taking the express route to Land of Fog. I will miss you all and if I remember, I'll send you a postcard.

XOXOXO

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 May 10 - 04:23 PM

Doing my best to think good things....if I feel this bad, there must be a LOT of cancer cells being stopped in their tracks today.

Pain meds to the rescue. Took 1. Am allowed to take 2 at a time and am seriously considering it.

I just want to howl.

Would be fun and probably more effective if we all could do it together in a big circle......

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 May 10 - 03:59 PM

Tammywheeler....EXCELLENT NEWS!

Today is my worst day so far this cycle. Very weak. Tired. Out of breath extremely easy. Pain level high at times. Feeling useless. Cancelled bus trip I was supposed to go on tomorrow to Antietam. There's just no way I can do it. My friend was very understanding.

I have developed a sore throat and cough too. Ugh. My body is just wore out. Will call the Dr. on Monday if it persists.

Probably won't get to church tonight. I am just too tired.
,
Michelle who is in bed with a book, hot lemon tea, Vick's vapor rub and sale papers for the week....probably won't look at any of it.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 May 10 - 11:54 AM

wishing you marked relief from pain, Lilbit. This is the home stretch innit?

And what Bobert said about how bad the chemo makes you feel, visualise those cancer cells doing a last gasp before they shrivel up and then evaporate.

Yeah...Take that you evil little bastards!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 22 May 10 - 11:37 AM

Well, friend, I've been avoiding looking into this since I've been back. During my gone time hubby found he'd contracted lung C-word. We were finally able to get to surgery(when they discovered they'd put it off so long it had tripled in size), which went pretty well, but lasted 3 times as long as they'd expected. Then recovery(9 days in hosp), more recovery--& on to chemo. Monthly for a while. This all involved trips to VA facility at a distance of over 80 miles each way: exams, tests, more exams, more tests, prep work, the surgery, the checkups, then each of the chemos, then more checkups. The good news is: SO FAR IT'S WORKED!!!! C-word still gone! God grant you the same. It's no fun for the ones who love you & accompany you, but it's even less fun for you going through the mess. I tried to avoid thinking about it, but couldn't always. May your outcome be as successful as ours. Tw

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 22 May 10 - 11:08 AM

(((((((((Michelle)))))))))

I hope you're feeling a bit better today.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 May 10 - 03:16 AM

sending another hug

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 21 May 10 - 10:53 PM

This too shall pass...

Just keep thinking that as bad as you may feel them bad boy cancer cells is fellin' one heck of a lot worse... Gotta just keep thinkin' that way and all this will be over real soon and them bad boys will all be outta you forever...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 May 10 - 10:48 PM

Pain is different this time. It seems to jump about....mostly in my hands, the backs of my hands, knees, shins and tops of my feet. I'd give it a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10....the only way I can describe it is that it feels like someone has an aluminum bat and is trying to beat their way OUT of my bones from the inside out.

Today is Day 4. This will pass. It will pass. I know it will pass. Oh please pass SOON!!

*whimper*

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 May 10 - 08:45 PM

me too - it's a rainy day here in Sydney & your mention of the Farmers Market reminded me that our wekly (inner city) farmers market is in the local park. I could use some tomatoes & maybe other produce, but don't feel like venturing out. Tho the baker has some yummy lunch-type stuff ...

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 21 May 10 - 07:20 PM

What a lovely day you've had, in spite of the chemo reaction. I am so glad.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 May 10 - 05:52 PM

Hello My Friends,

    Today started out rough.....lots of nausea and I had to be on the road. Ugh. I travelled to Geisinger (about 2 hours away) with my mom today for her post-surgery check up. Everything with her is WONDERFUL!!!   Part of her surgery involved a scope to make sure her ovaries are ok and they are!!!!! I know I don't have to tell you that I cried tears of relief for her!!!!
    I pushed myself around the hospital in a wheelchair....too much walking for my legs today. And let me just say..I should do that more often...what an awesome workout for my upper arms!!! I'm NOT a great driver of wheelchairs...damn doors and corners!!! ;)
    We stopped at a nursery on the way home and because I so loved last night's potting adventures, I picked up some more herbs...basil and parsley and also 3 larger pots of dark purple salvia...LOVE IT! We stopped for Thai food for lunch and I think I ate about 1/4 of a cup of food and brought the rest home....food just isn't too appetizing today and that's ok. We also stopped at a farmer's market where I got a round loaf of the best oatmeal bread ever, a few bunches of rhubarb (gonna make rhubarb crisp and freeze a bunch) and a 6 inch rhubarb pie. Mmmmmmmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. For today, I am finding that food looks and smells good but a few bites and I'm done....weird, but true. Maybe it will help get off the multiple pounds I gained during the last treatment when I couldn't get enough to eat!!!!
    Bone pain kicked in around 2:00 so I had some more percoset. I'm leery of the new meds...not sure why.....I think I want to know that I have something REALLY powerful if I need it if that makes sense.
    We had bear tracks in the driveway...mama bear and baby bear....very sweet...disappeared into a tangled mess of honeysuckle.
    Also, I just got off the phone with my nana who told me how proud she is of me and how I've been handling things. Compliments like that don't come often in my family and I think I'm still beaming!!! :) She was also telling me how *CUTE* her cardiologist is...LOL....cracks me up!
    I'll stop for now, although if you were here with me, I'd put some coffee or tea on and we could sit on the porch and chat awhile. My mouth is working better than my hands (which are swollen and painful today) so I'm going to stop typing for now.
    Love to you all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 May 10 - 11:38 AM

An interesting article on Yoga and chemo:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/AlternativeMedicine/yoga-cancer-patients-fatigue-insomnia-treatment/story?id=10704310

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 May 10 - 10:43 AM

LF, as you probably know, we're headed out of town shortly for a quick hop. But only a cell phone away.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 21 May 10 - 08:22 AM

Good morning, sweetie- how are you feeling today?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 May 10 - 08:50 PM

Taxol? I take Taxol....freakin' beast.

Today went well. I didn't do much but given that it's Day 3 for me, I'm happy with what I did.

I got my shower, drove 30 miles to a church luncheon where they donated $100.00 to my Relay for Life team!!!   I am VERY excited about that!

I got to visit with a tech who also happens to be my friend...she did my ultra sound early on and I KNEW from the look on her face and tone of her voice that something was up way early on but of course, she can't divulge that kind of stuff. She was very happy to see me and I was happy to see her.....gonna do something together this summer....something we've been putting off for way too long.

I drove home, met my husband on the porch and he said, "How ya doin'?"

"Sleep." I said. "I need sleep." I walked right by him, upstairs, got in my night clothes and crashed for a few hours.

When I got up, I sat out on the front porch with Pete and he brought me pots filled with dirt and I planted some herbs. It felt good to poke around in the dirt....I only got 8 planted but that was plenty of activity for me and required breaks for my hands. I planted 2 of each of these: oregano, thyme, rosemary and lavendar. It was incredibly relaxing and we enjoyed ourselves. I now have a cirle of herbs in my front yard.   :)

I did not try the new pain meds.....I think they are for heavy duty, extreme pain....and while I had pain today, I don't think that heavy of a drug was necessary.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 20 May 10 - 08:01 PM

Yeah, Magz....

I tried to get Michelle tio send Pete down to the local high school to cop some weed but then she said she couldn't handle the smoke so then I brought up the brownies but...

Yeah, I wish that every sate has medical marijuana laws in place so that everyone could benefit from the goodness of pot... I mean, one of the chemo drugs, Taxol, comes from a plant (tree, to be exact) so I think it would be only fittin' to use Taxol and Cannibus in conjuntion with one another...

We have some very messed up laws that caasue people to suffer needlessly... Makes me sick to think of people having to indure bad side effects when it is proven that pot helps and helps alot...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 May 10 - 07:24 PM

Michelle, you are SO on the right track with the yoga. Check out this article: Yoga & Sleep for Cancer Survivors.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 May 10 - 11:31 AM

What Bobert said, in his last couple of posts. Too bad he isn't nearby, might be able to consult about the California and New Mexico approach to chemo after effects. I hear the medicinal varieties are being used to help with PTSD also. There was a story this week on Morning Edition.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 May 10 - 10:22 AM

LF, yes, bitching here is venting, and bitching elsewhere is not helpful to relationships as I am sure you know. It can be a hard balance to keep! :~)

I think I can tell the venting here from the behavior out there-- which tells me that you are not only doing the best you can, but that you are, from this view, doing really WELL under a really HARD situation. And THAT is the flashing red L I mentioned earlier.

(caps to save time, gotta run all day)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 May 10 - 07:57 AM

Michelle.
I continue to be amazed at how much you endure without bitching. I would be holding a continuous whine fest from Day 1. I don't suffer quietly.
Bitch away.
And listen to Bobert. He knows.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 May 10 - 07:42 AM

I will think about what the chemo is doing to those cells, especially today. I've already had a quiet morning conversation with my body about how we are going to handle this pain today. It has started now but there's this calm wrapped around me this morning that I don't know quite how to explain....almost like a heavy quilt on a cold winter morning.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 May 10 - 07:39 AM

Good Morning!!!

    Look at that sunshine!!!!   It's been missing for awhile in these parts and I'm glad it's found it's way home.

    Bobert.....thanks for the reminder.....I WILL think about what

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 20 May 10 - 07:26 AM

Womenz don't bitch... They offer constructive criticism...

B;~)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 20 May 10 - 06:35 AM

Bitching is good. It gets out what is bothering you and doesn't let it sit and fester in your mind. So, go ahead and bitch, whinge, whatever you need to do dear. We're here and listening and understanding.

That said, I hope that today is a better day for you.

xxxxxxxx

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 20 May 10 - 03:58 AM

me too

sandra (sitting here with very sore legs, almost a permanent fixture)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: My guru always said
Date: 20 May 10 - 03:23 AM

Sending you positive thoughts from across the pond,
Hil

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 19 May 10 - 10:47 PM

Hey, girl... As bad as you feel just think how them cancer cells feel... Purdy crappy and ready to bail on you... Ya' gotta remember that chemo ain't about you... It's about them... And tonight??? They are purdy pissed off, too...

Yer gonna come out the other side of this... They ain't... You can take that to the bank!!! And then, once yer taste buds get back up, to yer favorite resturant... On Pete, of course...

Hang in there, baby... One more lap and this shit is history...

b~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 10:39 PM

It's not tomorrow yet so let me add that my hands hurt like hell tonight....knees aren't far behind.

Michelle who won't complain tomorrow

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 09:32 PM

Bitch break:

My mouth tastes horrible. I haven't been able to eat much at all today. I had cereal for breakfast. Pete took me out to lunch and I had about 3 bites of chili, packed up the rest for home, ordered some rhubarb pie thinking the tart would be good. No flavor whatsoever. Met Mom for dinner. Fruit parfait. Two bites. Ew. Coffee. Ew. Water with lemon...made me sick to my stomach. Cereal at home, better.

Just sat through a LONG (ok...it probably seemed like because I was barfy) support meeting...guest speaker about acupuncture who happened to mention AT THE END that no needles for acupuncture for those going through chemo. Dr. says no massage during chemo. I could have been at home barfing in peace. ARG.

Ok. I'm done bitching and I'm done being an asshole for today.

Tomorrow will be better.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 May 10 - 05:02 PM

AAAWWWWWW.
That's nice.
M

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 04:32 PM

I do my best to be kind to Pete all the time as I know just how hard he works and all that he does for me!!!! I am SO lucky to have him in my life and I want him to know I feel that way every single day of his life!!!!!!!!!!!!!


<3 <3 <3

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 May 10 - 04:16 PM

And be kind to Pete when he finally asks "When is it my turn?" because he has earned it and that question means he knows you are finally OK.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 19 May 10 - 04:04 PM

Being pissed is a very good sign - it shows that you have, in no way, given in to all of this. I agree with Sins - if you can arrange for the people who did sign up to get together and do some deep breathing, simple yoga, whatever comes to mind. That would be you taking control of both your condition and the outside forces that, as we all know, can tend to make you feel helpless.

I have told Kendall, each time that he has had to go through yet another procedure, that, for a while, it is all about HIM. That does not mean that we aren't aware of other people's problems - sometimes it makes us more acutely aware of what others are going through - but, at a time when doctors and drugs seem to be dictating what one can and cannot do, it is good to know that there may be people out there concentrating solely on your personal needs.

Again, it can give back a certain amount of control, when that seems to have been taken out of your hands. Why, when you are having to deal with myriad symptoms as a result of operations or medication, should you not be spoiled, as it is clear that your lovely husband is doing. That someone else closer to you should choose this time to get snippy and to blame you for it is unbelievable. NOT your problem. Just enjoy the care and attention being given by those who really care about you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 May 10 - 01:13 PM

I don't blame you for being pissed off. Cancelling a class for women with cancer is simply wrong on so many levels. If the class depended on numbers she should have thrown it out as a possibility based on a minimum of X attendees. At least then no one would be disappointed at a time when they can not afford any additional disappointments.

But I am glad that you are PISSED. Once again, I will say that for now it has to be all about you. She is sorry you will miss this? Is she also sorry that you just aren't worth her time or effort?
Rant over.

Fortunately, you have a yoga class.
Any chance of holding a breathing stretching class in your own home? Followed by some healthy chat and a cup of tea? Maybe...

As to the water jets, they used to sell a simple pump that attached to your bathtub and did just that. Some had a mat with jets to sit on as well. I guess it is back to Ebay for a search.

Have to agree with SRS - nothing is true for all cancer patients. Some have chemo and need more. Some have one round of chemo and it is over. Some have surgery and no chemo and never have another problem. My brother is one; Jacqui is another. Michelle is fortunate to have excellent medical care and they will decide what comes next. As her doctor said - I will tell you when it is time to worry.

For now, keep yourself healthy for the next and last treatment and look forward to your babies.

You are always in my thoughts, Michelle.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 May 10 - 12:52 PM

Well.... there's that bright-red flashing L on your forhead again (Leader), visible from here. :~) Like we see Armenia Mtn windmill lights at night, coming into our road.

Why don't you go ahead with the three people and do a yoga get-together on your own, that will include the pieces you want it to include? (That great teaching cert you worked so hard for?)

There are some nice, quiet spaces up in the Church School; the nursery has a nice carpet if I recall right, and lots of floor space..... if you get a key from Lisa you can look up there whenever the pain subsides, and see if it would suit.... since the Jumpstart class regularly held in the parish house is probably on the wrong floor for your thing?

"Life coach" is just a cert; you still have to discern the person holding it.

:~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 12:15 PM

Warning: PISSED OFF.

About a month ago, a woman came to me...a life coach....and said she and my yoga teacher wanted to offer a class for women with cancer....all focused on easy movement, breathing and all other kinds of positive things. She told me that I was part of the inspiration for this workshop. Ok. Cool. I wanted to go. I signed up. I signed my friend Tracy up (who by the way is having a hell of a time right now). We were both really excited to have the day together focusing on something we have in common that would be helpful. So just now I got this note on Facebook...an oh by the way, kind of note that they are cancelling the class as only 3 people signed up. Now here's my thinking. Three people signed up for a yoga, breathing, positive affirmations workshop in the middle of freakin' nowhere and you are surprised? In an area where you aren't permitted to use the word YOGA in school (breathing exercises is much better *eyeroll*), you expected a giant outpouring of people to show up? So now there are at least 2 of us who are really disappointed to not to be able to have that experience together. Futher this woman running it said, "I'm so sorry you'll miss this." Um. Hello. I did NOT cancel ANYTHING. YOU DID. I emailed her and told her she had better get in contact with Tracy as I am NOT breaking this to her. It's like saying the 3 of us that signed up aren't worth the effort, despite the road to hell we've all been on these last few months.

Some life coach, huh? Screw that.

I think this is the first taste of angry I've had in awhile.

My apologies.....I AM PISSED.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 11:40 AM

Next yoga? There's a drop in class tonight but I am going to an I Can Cope meeting for folks living with cancer...whether it be now or in the past. I think I am one of the few in the room still receiving treatment. They are a good bunch of people and often have guests to speak about various things...nutrition, exercise and tonight it's about acupuncture for pain management and hot flashes....right up my alley! Never say never....although I'd have to talk to my doc about it first.

Beginner yoga class tomorrow and if my body will allow, I'd like to go. Although, I can feel the tell tale signs on pain starting in. Hips are tender, backs of my hands are achy.....so in the meantime, I'm puttering around the house. Ran the vaccuum cleaner, going to sweep and dust the living room next. Pete did the dishes and I cleaned up the counter. My kitchen table is ALMOST visible.....you know....puttering. I slept in late this morning and am tired which I know is going to be part of the deal....so I do a little and take a break...hence my visit here.

On days like this, I wish I had a hot tub with those swirling water jets to chase away the aches before they get ugly.

Anyone ever hear of or take (I did google it so I'm looking for more personal experience than info) hydromorphone?

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 May 10 - 10:40 AM

Let's finish with the hints and the prognostications, the territorial posts. We can all see through them, and none of us need to be told that our cancer didn't quite count as much as someone elses, or that we don't quite really know what we're talking about. We do know, better than you think. WYSIWYG, please sit down, take a few deep breaths, and relax. We know you mean well, but you've been a bit over the top lately.

===

I did not hint, and I did not prognosticate. (Did someone really suggest that LF's cancer didn't count?!?!?!? Did someone say peeps here didn't know....????)

I wrote what is True for all cancer patients-- in a thread many of us recognize is (and may be, in the future) a resource for others.

Who is to say that I have not been there myself?

Who is to say for whom I write-- or where it comes from?

Thoughtful people will have read that post someone-- not me-- got territorial about, and seen that it was about: maintaining relaxed, prayerful attention.

BTW, my supervisors agree.

================

Now-- LF-- when is the next yoga class?

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 03:18 AM

:) Tam!!! I love your dream!!! Thanks for sharing that!! Personally, I am awake from having some strange dreams tonight....the one that stands out the most was finding a child lost in the woods...it was very cold out and she was making handprints in the mud. Strange.

And Stilly....I wonder if there aren't millions of people living with cancer or survivors who think they got off easy. I know I whine a lot and yes, I do have intense pain sometimes....but in my heart, sometimes I think I should shut the hell up. I am not nauseous every day, I have people to talk to, I have doctors that I like and trust, I can move for 2 out of 3 weeks, my port (while I hated having it done) went in smoothly...no infecttions.....I could go on and on. I feel very damn lucky and blessed and cringe when I see others going through even more. As I sat in the waiting room to be called in to have my port needle set up, the paramedics came into the clinic with a stretcher. A few minutes later they wheeled out an elderly woman who was so thin, frail and pale. It felt like my heart stopped....I know that every single patient waiting in that waiting room must have felt the same...that could be me. How lucky am I to be sitting here breathing on my own?
    I think cancer is cancer is cancer...if you've heard the words, "You have cancer" you know the fear, the frustration and anxiety...no matter the course of treatment. It does something to you deep inside and really does change a person's perspective in it's own unique way.
    I had a discussion with my Dr. during this visit about my memory and ensuing fog and he said, "Yep, chemo brain." I might be in a fog sometimes and not remember things but I DO know what's going on. I think that people undergoing chemo have SO much on their minds that sometimes things just get crowded out.
    Anyway.....I'm with you in your thinking that I got off the hook fairly easily.....but then again, I think cancer, is cancer is cancer and I wish NONE of us ever had to go through it at all. EVER.

Michelle who is patiently waiting for her Ambien to kick in. Why can I never get a good night's sleep? ARG.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 19 May 10 - 02:47 AM

Michelle! I had a good dream last night.. Let me first say this is a rarity. Usually my dreams are bad. Very bad.

Second - it was about you. I was watching a newsy / talk show on which you were being interviewed. You looked wonderful. Like a light was shining out of you. I jumped and shouted... "I know her! That's LilyFestre. She is a cancer survivor and she adopted a baby from Ethiopia years ago." I think you were being interviewed about a book you had written.


That dream made my night!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 May 10 - 11:56 PM

This cancer survivor knows she got off very easily--no chemo, but having the shit scared out of you by the Big C - we all have to deal with that, and it makes each of us appreciate a lot and treat our loved ones with more care, so they really know they are loved, they don't have to assume it. I stopped with the second master's degree (I had finished the coursework, and had a thesis left) when I got the diagnosis. Why shut myself away from my children to study, when I really needed to be a better parent, to be part of their lives? I am sorry I didn't finish the second masters, but it wasn't quite what I wanted, anyway, so if I get a chance, I'll work on it another time.

You have an opportunity to raise a child. Michelle, this is such a gift. I cringe when I read about children in abusive homes - where the parents themselves are babies, are immature, are ignorant, are so many things that don't lead to good parenting. You not only are going to be raising one of your own, you're going to be a role model (again) for your foster daughter and her child. Talk about a dynamic duo!

Let's finish with the hints and the prognostications, the territorial posts. We can all see through them, and none of us need to be told that our cancer didn't quite count as much as someone elses, or that we don't quite really know what we're talking about. We do know, better than you think. WYSIWYG, please sit down, take a few deep breaths, and relax. We know you mean well, but you've been a bit over the top lately.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:29 PM

Wow, Sins!!! Think I might sign up fir some of that chemo myself... Like a new lease on yer sex life??? No more blue pills???

Cowabunga!!!

B;~)