LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!

Subject: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: katlaughing
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 05:15 PM

Over in the decluttering thread, a few of us have been following along as LilyFestre/Michelle went through some very scary medical procedures which ultimately wound up diagnosing her with uterine cancer. She got the final biopsy results a couple of days ago and they are performing a hysterectomy, tomorrow. She's to go in at 6a and have the surgery at 730a. They told her it was a slow cancer so they hope to be able to get it all. They will not know until they are in there just what all they will have to take.

She has been terrified, but is prepared. She and her husband are leaving now to spend the night in a motel near the hospital as it is a couple of hours from their home.

Anyone who would like to post good thoughts, prayers, etc. please know they will be greatly appreciated. Lots of calm energy would be good. it's just been so scary for her. (Please no horror stories.)

Thanks a bunch. Her husband will have limited internet access, so I hope we will hear fairly soon how she did.

kat (with Michelle's permission)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 05:19 PM

Warm thoughts and prayers from the Blue Ridge...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Peace
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 05:25 PM

Please tell Michelle she has my very best wishes for a complete recovery.

Bruce M

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: maeve
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 05:38 PM

You already know you are held in prayer here, Michelle. Remember that you and your husband have many unseen friends thinking about you and sending what strength and support we have.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 05:42 PM

Michelle, wear a hat lined with foil, and all will be well. {It was you told me that remember?}
I believe this is a fairly common and successful procedure, so don't worry, just get well soon.

John

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 06:02 PM

You know you are loved, dear one.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 06:15 PM

All the very best wishes for a speedy recovery from Geoff and me and the ducklings.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,WYS-out
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 06:19 PM

Kick some BUTT! :~)

You already know all the rest.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 06:32 PM

Hi Michelle!

I am a bit of a lurker at times on some threads and I have followed your story. Ya' know, you have some really good friends on that thread and even more out here in the rest of the Mudcat village. You have support coming from all sides, myself included, but let me go a different way. The surgery is scary but like Maggie told you, it'll be a different story in a few weeks.

I always liken getting one of these diagnoses (and then doing the surgical/medical follow-up) to riding an elephant downhill......sit back, hang on, and try to stay aboard!

Now really what I mean by that is that if you have done everything you can, have Docs you believe in, and have things laid out as best you can for the time frame, just get on with the procedures and don't worry yourself nutso about everything. What's the point? You're doing it.....RIDE ON!!!!

I've had a lot of folks I know who have faced life threatening illnesses. The ones I always admired the most were real winners with one trait in common. The winners refused to be defined by the illness. They did all the things they needed to do and then got on back to living their life. Work hard at getting well and when you have done all you can, work hard at living.......but enjoy the entire ride!

I've never met Maggie but I'd like to. She's one who obviously lives life every day and I don't think there's anything that could ever takeover her life. Handle the situation and do the best you can then get on with living........I think that's our Stilly River Sage.

Take a few deep breaths......it can be you too. A lot of 'Catters believe in you. Attack the disease, do all that is needed, then get on with living your life.

Much Love....

Pat

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 07:01 PM

Michelle,
Remember to pay attention those last moments before you go under. Then dream away until you wake in recovery with the worst behind you.
We will all be with you.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welc
From: Rowan
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 07:25 PM

All the best, Cobber.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 07:33 PM

Thanks, Pat. I wish I had the confidence you do (what's that you're smoking?) But there is a lot of moral support over there on the de-clutter threads--we all share the advice wealth and all move forward. We talk amongst ourselves, understanding that there are probably folks who come to just read along, and a few who probably come to chuckle at the baby steps we sometimes manage, but at least we're all moving forward.

Here's the bear, Michelle. It's a significant one in the family, my sister carried it all of the way from London for my first child's first xmas (Moonglow was born in 1988).

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Tig
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 08:28 PM

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((XXXXXXX))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Lots of love and healing hugs
Tig
xxx

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: jacqui.c
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 09:17 PM

I've been down that road, six years ago now. It is frightening.

I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and looking forward to hearing that it has all gone well.

Lean on your husband and friends for as long as you need them but know that this too shall pass. Six years on and I rarely remember it.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Ebbie
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 09:26 PM

I like that bear, Stilly- I can see him dancing.

Michelle, as others have said in different words, now is a good time to lie back and "leave the driving to us. Remember that slogan? It is one I often use. Here's to a quick recovery and a fresh appreciation for friends. You have made a lot of good ones.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: maire-aine
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 09:39 PM

From the de-clutter thread: "...image … of a very strong group of Mudcat women forcefully chasing the cancer away."

This reminds me of something that happened when I was working with a community organization in SW Detroit many years ago. We were finishing a planning meeting (for a big actions against a large local bank) and one of the people, a pastor of a n'hood church, summed up the meeting by saying "the Sisters are tough". Damn straight, the sisters are tough. Go get 'em, Sister Michelle.

Maryanne

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Leadfingers
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 09:44 PM

Michelle - Hang in there kid ! Fond memories of 2005 at Susan's !

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,WYS-out
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 10:01 PM

More than a few thoughts, here, for Michelle's mom, Bonnie. That is one tough and yet ultimately tender lady. She and Michelle have ridden the Cancer Train with too, too, TOO many dearly loved friends in the last several years. I cannot think of two better-equipped ladies to drive that train now.... while I wish they didn't have to, I can only take my hat off to them both. You'll see-- in no time Michelle will be telling us how she licked that fear.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Tinker
Date: 14 Jan 10 - 10:44 PM

Ahh, Bonnie..... and Michelle's husband.... loved ones all... remember there is a calm haven here. Goodness knows there is a crowd of folks here who have been through some tough times. Know that we stand with you too.....


Blessings and Light

tinker


who is pulling out a few well loved bears for a morning photo op to greet your return.....

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 12:06 AM

She'll have to grin and Bear it once she's back on line, apparently! The use of a bear came up on the other thread because having a pillow or a stuffed toy to squeeze and stabilize the muscles around the surgery site really helps if you have to cough or sneeze.

This is the story I told about my mother's bear in the other thread:

When my mother went to the hospital for a large surgery (can't remember which one, she had several) there was a woman in the bed next to her who loaned her a teddy bear. "It helps to hug it tight if you have to cough," she said, and it really did. When Mom got out of the hospital she bought herself a good teddy bear about that same size and named it Betty, after the wonderful woman who loaned her the first bear. And in her will, she left that bear to my sister's best friend's cat, because the cat used to always curl up with that bear when my mom was cat-sitting.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welc
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 02:35 AM

michele

I have 3 friends who have gone through same variously between 5 and 14 years ago. All are well. All still are clear of cancer. All crazy wonderful ladies.

You are gonna be ok, Angel. Lots of love and light headed your way. Even a reminder in my work Outlook to take a moment at 7:30 eastern standard time to give thought and energy to the medical staff and you.

tamara

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 04:28 AM

Thinking of you.

Sending you lots of healing energy for a speedy and full recovery.

Much Love

Khatt xxx

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 06:57 AM

Michelle, best wishes and thoughts from me too.

Cheers and hugs
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 07:50 AM

I'm picturing light and wisdom and strength guiding the doctor's hands right now and throughout the surgery.

And for you, Michelle, a release of the stress and fear that has been gripping you, and the patience and courage to heal. We love you, woman!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: maeve
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 07:56 AM

You are surrounded by loving folks here- male and female.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 08:30 AM

I have decorated a very special room for you over in the Mudcat Recovery Ward.
We are waiting for you.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Tinker
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 08:49 AM

NOw the decorated room is a high honor...... or sureal

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,WYS-out
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 10:36 AM

Michelle, here's one you will love. Think "recovery ward." Think "bedpans." Think "Mudcat attic." Think about it.... OK: I just got done emptying TWO of those (VERY full) and setting up a third. THAT was fun! :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 11:11 AM

Did Liz have a hand in decorating the Mudcat Recovery Ward? Plenty of booze and chocolate, right?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 11:29 AM

I AM IN CHARGE OF DECORATING!
Liz is in charge of debauchery - so yes, lots of chocolate and booze.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 11:51 AM

Will there be pink flamingos?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 11:53 AM

Will there be pink flamingos?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Ebbie
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 12:36 PM

"Mudcat attic.", Susan? Seems like I hear more about cellars. :)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Tinker
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 12:42 PM

The attic is for wandering mudcatters, the cellar..... well it's been pretty well explained.


Tinker

who has spent time in both Mudcat attics and cellars....

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 12:58 PM

By now, our girl is no doubt sleeping off one helluva hangover and is free of cancer.

Doesn't that make you want to smile?

I think I'll go buy a round in the Mudcat Tavern!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 01:24 PM

I'll go check on her room preparations in the recovery ward. Ratched keeps starching the sheets.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,WYS-out
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 01:44 PM

Still no calls here AFAIK.

IMO that would be GOOD news.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,WYS-out
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 01:46 PM

Oh, sorry, forgot to answer Eb. Michelle will understand the reference-- she helped decorate the Mudcat Attic Dorm, and had a particular reaction to one item with which we furnished it. (She will explain if she wishes.)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 01:57 PM

Room is ready. A lovely sunny yellow, pale yellow flannel sheets, sunflower pillows, and daffodils in a banana jar. Bright and cheerful. But if she hates it I have a pink number ready as well.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,hg
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 02:06 PM

Michelle, I wish you an uncomplicated procedure and a speedy recovery! I'm sure you will be fine. Your mudcat friends will help you through...

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 02:08 PM

All of that yellow will be a great background for all of the brown bears.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: ClaireBear
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 02:21 PM

Michelle, all my support from afar. I went through a similar procedure for cervical cancer 5 years ago, and I stand with you now. You'll be fine. All that golden light will surely make it so. Not to mention all those bears...

Claire

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Severn
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 02:36 PM

All the best thoughts from one who survived small-cell cancer in the lymphatic system a couple of years ago and, it being in full remission am able to stand, grinning it down. You'll come out of it like a champ and will have a lot of friends here cheering you on as they did for me. We've got your back.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,WYS-out
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 03:01 PM

Still no incoming calls here, but Hardi did just issue an outgoing cell call letting Bonnie know that Michelle and she are still in "our" prayers (which Michelle and perhaps Bonnie will understand includes all of her MudBuds), and inviting a callback when she is ready to let "us" know anything. (They know Friday is technically a day off and they may be holding calls for that reason.)

Animaterra, pls see contemporaneous post in decluts thread.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 04:08 PM

Stilly - you DO mean stuffed brown bears? Right? Toys? After that whack on the head I thought I better ask. I am not about to shovel out that room every few hours, you know.

It's always something. SIGH

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 04:28 PM

If we bring in real bears, I suspect they had better be Pampered, bears, don't you think?

Susan--you're making me dizzy! I'm going to ask a clone to move any of today's update posts that actually have news about Michelle over here from the de-clutter thread so people can find it and not have to wade through our dust kittens and stacked up cardboard boxes. If posts are similar, we'll let the pixies have them (so maybe they'll leave some of the rest of our threads alone!). Makes this much easier on the general population to know what in heck we're talking about sometimes. But thanks for your efforts!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,WYS-out
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 04:34 PM

SRS, there is no need to move ANYthing. I've taken care to put, in each thread, what belongs in each thread, and it was not I who created the multiplicity of threads. So please-- just leave it! (Or YOU will be making ME dizzy.)

Still no word on Michelle here-- SRS has the hospital's name and number so she may get news before I do.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: ClaireBear
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 04:34 PM

SINS< bears do that in the woods. You got any woods in there? If not, no worries.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 04:47 PM

Bears do it whereever they are locked in. Miss Stilly is not quite herself after the accident in the Tavern. And Nurse Ratched is not happy about the extra work load - heh heh a pun.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welc
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 04:59 PM

I hear Curmudgeon may be taking his intravenous antibiotics in Sinsull's recovery ward too. So Michelle, you won't be lonely. You can listen to all the bleeps, whirrs and glurps in between his grousing about the noise from his machines.

You too can fight over the laptop and who gets to read which thread first. Although I think Tom will probably ask you to read his to him as his eyesight is not great, by his own admission. Don't let him make you do all the work though. You are not his bleeding secretary.

Mary? May I donate a little get well fairy and a pack of playing cards to the room?

When my little Hilary had to have liver biopsy, she didn't want to take deep cleansing breaths as the doctors and nurses told her she must. Very important to keep lungs strong and clear. So I bought her this set of paint pens that you had to blow the paint out of the end.   Don't think she got on too well with them as I ended up giving them away.

If I still had them though, would definitely donate to the recovery ward. Imagine Michelle and Tom blowing paint at each other and all over Mary's freshly decorated room.


tam      

slinking off before Mary catches me

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welc
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 05:35 PM

Forgot to mention that at 12:30 UK time (7:30 EST) My outlook popped up a reminder to think on Michelle and the surgical team. Conveniently my lunch time so I could dedicate about 45 solid mintues to this project.

I searched for google images of healing thoughts and healing hands.

Every good one I found, I contemplated and wished it into Michelle's mind and the surgeons hands.

http://img03.picoodle.com/img/img03/8/5/9/f_healinghandm_ab57f27.jpg

http://www.fredpayne.com/healing/images/pages/thoughts_are_things.jpg

http://www.massagemag.com/cms/images/stories/healingpowerofbreath.jpg

http://theserviceconnection.org/tsc/media/UserFiles/image/handsincircle(1).jpg

http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/252/25659751.jpg

http://static.squidoo.com/resize/squidoo_images/-1/draft_lens3594402module233215

http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/79/l_b6a347d07ab84a23a598430b6072ae4

I hoped it worked.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 06:12 PM

Never came across those sets of images. I have kids in the house, so I'm more likely to see stuff like this.

I wouldn't call before late tomorrow at the soonest, and only then if we haven't heard anything. It was important enough to get her in for this vital surgery that no one said much to her about the first couple of days after such surgery. But it isn't any fun, and calls from relative strangers, even well-meaning ones, probably should wait a while.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 07:34 PM

I can tell you from personal experience that Michelle will probably be virtually knocked out for the next twenty four hours and will be unlikely to be taking any phone calls, unless things have changed dramatically in the last six years.

Good thoughts coming from Boston.

Jacqui.c on Kendall's session on the laptop.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: ClaireBear
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 07:48 PM

From my experience I can add that it seemed too much trouble to look at flowers, read cards, turn over...in fact, about all I could manage was to listen to music on my Walkman (it'd be an iPOD these days I guess), which helped drown out the hospital sounds. (They stuck me in a maternity ward for my cancer-related hysterectomy, so as I lay there in physical and mental distress I was surrounded by new mothers and streams of their jubile visitors.)

I was in for about a week.

Does she have an iPOD, or, if it would help, is there someone who could lend her one? I don't have one (still using the Walkman) plus I'm too far away, but maybe someone back there could help?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,WYS-out
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 07:51 PM

Still no calls or voicemails here. I can tell you tho that her last voicemail, from ydy afternoon EST when she left word on the surgery time, was very upbeat, well-breathed, and looking fwd to being "cancer free by this time tomorrow" (which is now today and hours ago).

Of course, flowers are always appropriate and can be delievered promptly-- if anyone cares to send them who already has the hospital info-- and I'm sure that she would appreciate knowing in a tangible way about the recovery ward party going on already. I suspect she'd rather not have missed that-- and she does love to decorate.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 09:05 PM

Husband here.

I just got home. Everything went OK. They do not have a room for her yet so she was still in the recovery room when I left sleeping. She had stag 2 ovarian cancer and uterine cancer. They are confident that they got it all but want to follow up with some chemo to make sure.

Pete

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 09:09 PM

Thank you, Pete. Really appreciate your letting us know.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: maeve
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 09:24 PM

Thank you, Pete. I'm checking this thread before bed. Best wishes for a smooth recovery...for both of you.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 09:43 PM

Thank you, Pete. I know how big a shock this is for you, also, and we appreciate your taking the time to fill us in. Take care of yourself. I'm glad they caught it.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 09:49 PM

Sending lots of white light and positive thoughts.

Arghh! Let's get everybody cancer-free -- this is getting a bit overwhelming.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 09:54 PM

How is Cancer Staged.

FYI.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 11:30 PM

Good to hear the recov. rm news.

Hardi also got a call from Bonnie (still near hosp), pretty upbeat. Plans underway to try to go see Michelle, maybe Monday-- Bonnie and she are aware weekend is overfull with a big funeral we must attend tmrw before the Sat. svc.

Husband-- SRS wanted to know if Michelle desires a phone call. If she wants that and has her cell with her, pls follow up with Stilly River Sage. (I think she does not have M's cell number nor does M have SRS's.)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 11:47 PM

Michelle has my phone numbers, and has a bonus number that was a typo (someone named Stephanie, she tells me). Oops!

They're all going to be so wrung out for a while.

I think I need to get out another bear to keep the first one company. Actually, I have a lovely large rabbit here that would work like one of those big long pillows used for sleeping alongside someone, for resting a leg on, etc. He'd like to come down off the top of the cabinet that appeared in a recent declutter thread.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: open mike
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 02:09 AM

best wishes...and hope you come thru with flying colors...

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc wel
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 04:34 AM

Good to hear from Michelle's Pete. SRS that info link... thought provoking, scary and damned good to know.

Still here wishing healing thoughts at Michelle.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,WYS-out
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 08:03 AM

SRS-- good. I'd brain-farted.

Let's slow down on what we think the docs said/meant and what is ahead for LF. It's early days, yet. Next challenge she is most likely to face is path report-- the waiting for the more in-depth post-surg path-- and the immediate post-surg practical stuff (as I know many of you know lots about).

Michelle's own posts (when she gets back to them) will be our best guide as to how she needs us to respond, and I think it will be most realistic to expect her to be all over the map as she settles into whatever treatment plan the docs send her home with. Small steps.


Pete-- please, be extra careful with the long drives back and forth. And if you are not already boarding the critters, we can highly recommend the lady near you at Woodbine. If you can use any other kind of help, please know that you are welcome to contact Hardi thru the parish office or home phone, both of which I believe give his cell#.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 08:44 AM

Stage 2, as far as camcer goes, is a good thing so I guess a...

...hooray is in order here!!! Hooray!!!

Now, Pete, here's the hard part... Ya' gotta do all the housework and cookin' and other yucky womenz things fir a couple weeks and, oh yeah... Ya' gotta be nice, too... Sorry, pal... Thouhgt you'd rather hear that from another guy... Kinda hard takin' them kinds of things from a womenz 'cause they sound too much like orders... Know what I mean???

Anyway, just do 'um an' yer lovely wife will love ya' for it an' all the goopy stuff and...

...tell her that all the Mudders is wishin' her a speedy recovery and a happy gardening season... Oh yeah... She can get all her seeds ordered while she's recoverin'... It's time anyway for them...

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 09:34 AM

Its all good news and thanks Pete for bringing it. I know both of you needed some real info and now you know........Knowing is always better!!!

I know......then again, I ain't always better......'course that's a personal problem and one the Docs can't fix............well, maybe a shrink.........................

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 10:20 AM

Pete,
Thank you for the update. It was kind of you to take the time given all you have on your plate. Michelle is physically and emotionally spent right about now. But the cancer is gone and the chemo will slam the door hard.
SRS - thanks for the link. Michelle is going to be OK.
That is good news.
January 16 and I am wishing 2010 away already. All you sick people get well NOW!
Love and good thoughts, Michelle,
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 10:48 AM

Thanks, so much, Pete, for taking the time to update us. Take care of yourself, ok?

Still holding Michelle and all of us in a circle of light .

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 12:29 PM

It's a bright sunny day here today--that's a great mood lifter. I hope it's bright for your part of PA. Michelle, get up and walk around a little. They put wheels on those poles if you're still attached to anything. My daughter complained that I kept making her hike through the floor after her spleen surgery, but with each walk she felt better.

My only other advice, if you're wearing a hospital gown - Mind the Gap!

;-D

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 12:46 PM

I missed this thread completely! Darn.

Thoughts and prayers.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Peace
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 12:52 PM

Sometimes a guy's prayers ARE answered.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: jacqui.c
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 01:03 PM

Thanks for the update Pete.

Michelle - I am so glad that the surgery went well. Remember that we are all here and watching your progress.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 01:29 PM

The most painful part of that first walk is the five o'clock shadow. OUCH!
Sorry if that made you laugh. Laughing hurts too.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: alanabit
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 03:13 PM

Thanks for the update. Here is another hoping you see off that cancer and get on with living normally. Best wishes to both of you.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 03:13 PM

Ah laughing ain't so bad..........but don't sneeze.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 05:05 PM

That's what the bear is there for, to hold on tight.

Story on myself, and don't hurt yourself laughing:

I had surgery in early fall, right after the height of swimming season, and of course one wants to keep the pubic from being public, so I'd trimmed and edged the delta down to a short half-moon. My surgery was vaginal, so they did a trim upward from down below. When I got a look at myself in my first shower I know the glow of embarrassment must have shown through the curtain, and I could imagine the operating room chuckle at the short goatee the prep nurses left in place, just like in Playboy. Oy.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Jan 10 - 05:45 PM

You do have a way with words when speaking of delicate matters, esp., SRS!*bg**

Mine was done the same way, but I don't remember any goatee, nor does Rog!LOL!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 03:34 AM

Apropos of nothing, here's a Paula Poundstone routine. Good for a few chuckles. :)

(I'm up late, drank too much caffeine this evening).

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc wel
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 05:21 AM

I was at a festival this weekend & came back to the good news.

hugs to Michelle (gentle ones & only when appropriate) & Pete.

I never thought to take one of my multitude of teddies to hospital last year. Last week I had my 12 month CT scan for my cancer op last year & only scar tissue can be seen - apart from the very interesting stuff like bones & other bits that belong there!

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 07:25 AM

Husband here again,

Was pretty tired so I did not post last night. She was in good spirits yesterday. She is eating and drinking good. I walked with her up and down the halls. She is on some good pain meds so she is sleeping a lot. We talked and think it's best if people wait to Monday afternoon to call so she can get her rest. The weather is suppose to be bad today so I am not sure if I will make it down. Her mom is there so I will post what I am told tonight if I do not make it down.

Take care,

Pete

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 07:43 AM

Thanks, again, Pete! Just keep giving Michelle our abundant love- hope she can feel it! Keep taking care of yourself, too.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 11:17 AM

Pete, thanks again for the update.

If you want to print this thread out and take it to Michelle, the way to do it to save paper is to look at that line between each post. It has links for "Post - Top - Forum Home - Printer Friendly - Translate" in each instance. Click on Printer Friendly and it scrapes out a lot of the intervening stuff, and gives you a document that can be carried to the hospital for sharing, if she doesn't have a laptop there.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 12:02 PM

Walking is the best thing. Hard at first but it gets easier each time. All good news. Thanks, Pete.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,WYS-out
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 02:26 PM

Oh, no worries, Maggie. Pete's an old hand at Mudcat. He knows his way around here, well.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 04:28 PM

I could hardly wait to get out of the hospital to get some decent food. And sleep through the night without someone coming in every couple of hours to take blood. When Moonglow was in the hospital we took turns sleeping down there to keep an eye on the comings and goings. Even though they have the best of intentions, it still helps to have an advocate present. I'm glad Michelle has Pete and her mother trading off on this.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 06:23 PM

If "local" snow conditions hereabouts permit, Hardi and I are def going to go see her tomorrow (unless word of early discharge surprises us), so if there are any offthread messages to convey, feel free to PM them to me by, oh, I think I can log in around noon and print if the church puder is free.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: gnu
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 06:38 PM

Just say HI & best wishes.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,WYS-out
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 07:25 PM

Oh yes, of course-- that we will do.

~S of earlier guest post~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 09:10 PM

Oh yeah....By all means Susan. And ask her if she has a goatee......and tell her we're all getting a bikini wax in her honor........Tell her we'll pay for one for Pete and Mom too..................


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc wel
From: GUEST,Tinker
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 10:37 PM

'Spaw there are some limits to my commitment to declutter.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 10:55 PM

I can understand that Tink, but try to look at it more as an Artisitic Exercise................

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Tinker
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 11:13 PM

Spaw, I've deleted two posts prior to posting.....

It's still the Sabboth.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 01:34 AM

Spaw, she's going to hurt herself laughing if you don't watch it.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc wel
From: Janie
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 06:43 AM

Coming to this thread very late, Michelle. Sending all good thoughts your way.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Leadfingers
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 07:36 AM

Glad to hear that things are progressing satisfactoraly

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 08:22 AM

New day. One day closer to going home and getting on with life.
Michelle, If you want me to smack Spaw for you, just say the word.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 08:28 AM

I think a group smacking is very much in order. Think how cathartic it will be.


Meanwhile....

<<>>

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 08:31 AM

Spaw will love that!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,wys-out
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 12:15 PM

Printed just a few pages of this for Hardi to take to Michelle, up to:

14 Jan 10 - 06:15 PM (#2812126)
Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Fri. Surgery- comfort etc welcome
From: Mrs.Duck

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 08:37 PM

Wow.

Hello Everybody!!!! Thanks for all the good wishes, prayers, love and laughter.

I am home. Dr. came into my room about 3:00 and told me that people who can walk, pee, pass gass and eat even a tiny bit need to get out! He, of course, was kidding.

More details later. I am exhausted and going to sleep.

Susan and Hardi....I don't know how close you were to Danville but I'm really sorry that I wasn't able to notifiy you earlier in the day. I just didn't know.

I had a particularly painful night last night and thought for sure I'd be there at least one more day.

Details tomorrow or the day after.

I'm a sleepy puppy who is very glad to be home in her own space.

Love....lots and lots of love to you all.

(((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 09:18 PM

HEY!!!!! LOOK WHO SHOWED UP AND SOUNDING PRETTY DAMN GOOD!!!!!!

Even the way you come through the ether sounds so much better. Glad to have you back. Now get on with the healing and the followups and just (need I say this again?), get on with your life!

My best to both of you!


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: maeve
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 09:37 PM

Welcome home, Michelle.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 10:06 PM

Yes, welcome home!!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 12:17 AM

I was planning to call during the late afternoon, but I see I would have missed you, with the time difference. (My kiddo called to say she was coming down, so I ended up racing around to get dinner stuff in place.)

You have my number--I'd like to hear how things went. It sounds like you're well on the mend. There will be times when things hurt for a while, that's part of the process, but I think after a couple of days at home I was getting by with ibuprofen (my sister and I have compared notes about this kind of surgery--there seems to be a high pain threshold in the family--so your mileage may vary).

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 03:20 AM

Welcome home Michelle. Sending you lots of healing energy for a full and speedy recovery. (((Hugs)))

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Leadfingers
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 06:27 AM

Nice to see that you are home and posting here again !

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 07:45 AM

Doing the happy dance! Yay, Michelle!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 08:58 AM

Welcome home Michelle.
But after all the work I did on your room at the Mudcat Recovery Ward, I expected you would at least try the bed out once.

Isn't it wonderful to be in your own space with no lights blinking, lines buzzing and alarms screaming not to mention the moaning from the next bed?
Rest! Be well.
That's your job for now.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,wys-out
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 10:04 AM

LF, please do not worry about (or use your strength apologizing here or in email about) our ride to Danville. :~) We take a lot of rides like that, always enjoy the time together they afford, and it is NEVER a burden to take them. In this case, for instance, a second parishioner also had been in the same hospital and originally it was to have been a double-call for Hardi but she ALSO got sprung early-- and as far as we are concerned that is always good news, not an inconvenience for us. We just wished that the weekend schedule had not been so heavy (a faraway Saturday funeral, a Sunday emergency) that there was no way to attempt it sooner. I believe Hardi plans a call or visit later this week but we just got emailed news of another faraway funeral this week, and we have not hooked up yet for joint schedule planning. I'm not sure he can find your house by himself.... he'll be in touch I am sure.

Sorry to put all this here, but I'm not sure what-all you are keeping an eye on, and I'm off and running now....

Don't forget to pat yourself on the back for your pre-surg house-prep to nest back into, as you regain your strength and your daily routine-- I say a loud AMEN to Spaw's post. He's never wrong, as I continue to re-discover on a regular basis. LOL-- you can always trust his "gut." :~) That focus on the nice life you've built? Go for it!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Tinker
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 10:32 AM

Yeah you are home!!! I still owe you a few bear photos, I confess I've been a little crazy getting some work stuff done... but I haven't forgotten..... Rest and Relax... whoops that's actually the name of our local sexton service.... but not bad advice regardless...


Tinker


No Spaw they do not provide "that" kind of house call......

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: jacqui.c
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 12:14 PM

I bet you're glad to be home.

Rest up, let everyone else do anything that can be done. Right now it's all about YOU!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,wys
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 01:20 PM

Folks pls keep in mind that her primary home-thread is the Declut one, more than this one. That's more likely to be the main place she's following till she's better.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 02:07 PM

She can follow it, but she'd better not de-clutter anything heavier than a facial tissue. . .

;-D

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,wys-out
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 02:08 PM

Too late. She already got ahead of hersel'.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 02:14 PM

Since The Gilded Lily chose to post her news here, I suspect she will be checking in once in a while. The Recovery Ward is still awaiting a visit. Sorry Michelle, Jacqui is in your room in a drunken stupor. You may not want to disturb her. We will get your bears for you later.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 02:20 PM

Do as I say not as I do.
I came home to an empty house from the hospital after my surgery and moved a large television twice until I found where I was most comfortable. I guess tidying a table isn't too bad.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: GUEST,wys-out
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 02:33 PM

Yes, she did post here. She has since posted elsewhere and I suspect may continue to do so. If you remind her, there, to post here, you will just be adding to her not-resting, though.

Do whatever you decide to do-- I'm just telling you that your posts are more likely to be seen in the other thread, for today.

~Susan (with Hardi's guidance)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 03:23 PM

No worries about where to post, I'm poking around as it gives me something to do when I'm awake...which isn't much.

Feeling kinda drifty and wonderful in the same breath to know that you all are sending out good thoughts and sometimes some silliness too. You're all making my heart really happy.

I'm off for a nap. Sweet dreams my friends.

Love to you all

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 03:33 PM

I could use a nap. . .

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 03:34 PM

I nap at my desk at work occasionally. Long story for another time.

Meantime,sweet dreams, lady.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 03:39 PM

Have a nice nap, Michelle...it gives your body lots of time to heal up. I am about off for one myself. Take care.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc wel
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 04:00 PM

     ___    ___    ___    ___  | |_   | |_   | |_   | |_   | |_    
    (_-<   (_-<   (_-<   (_-<  | ' \  | ' \  | ' \  | ' \  | ' \   
    /__/_  /__/_  /__/_  /__/_ |_||_| |_||_| |_||_| |_||_| |_||_|  
  _|"""""||"""""||"""""||"""""||"""""||"""""||"""""||"""""||"""""| 
  "`-0-0-'"`-0-0-'"`-0-0-'"`-0-0-'"`-0-0-'"`-0-0-'"`-0-0-'"`-0-0-'"`-0-0-' 

         


Michelle is resting. Welcome home, Petal.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 09:07 PM

Two years ago I had a miserable cold. I took two days off but had to get back to work, so I did. A co-worker gave me Day-Quil assuring me that it was non-drowsy. I should have known better. I simply can't tolerate any of that stuff.
Now, our offices are freezing cold. The thermostat reads 75 and we are all shivering. People actually wear their coats with hoods up when it gets really bad.
I was cold; I was sleepy; I fell sound asleep at my desk with my MMario shawl over my head. Now most of you know I DO NOT SNORE. So when I did not snore, I attracted the attention of the entire office.
I awoke to find people watching from over the cubicle walls, taking pictures with their cell phones and, in short, enjoying the moment thoroughly. I still haven't lived it down. And the pictures still circulate.
Rest, Michelle.
I am on guard. No pictures will be taken. No recordings made...but that is another story.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 03:49 AM

It's 3:37am and I'm wide awake. Hm. I suppose my sleeping schedule will be wonky for awhile and that's ok! For the first time since my surgery, I am up at this time without being in a ton of pain. Excellent! My day was a lazy day....did my breathing treatments, had the visiting home health people here, walked and puttered (a very small amount of puttering)and slept on and off all day. I talked to a few people on the phone but not for long...starts to make my abs hurt after about 10 minutes. I also received a basket of beautiful springy flowers...pinks, purples, soft yellows, white and greens. And NO MUMS! YAY! Mums always make me thing of funeral sprays....NOT what I want in my house!

One of my staples fell out. Not sure how that happened...but I had lifted my nightgown to check things out and it was just laying there. I'm also getting itchy where the staples are and sometimes they are a little bit pokey. I don't know if that's normal or not and will call the Dr. in the AM to find out. I do NOT want an infection.

And Mary...if someone WERE to take pictures while I was sleeping, they could probably use them in a cold medicine commercial....hair all pulled back, no make up, giant jammies that are bright blue with daisies and bumblebees, a dark green prayer shawl and for a special accessory...as we all know accessories MAKE the outfit, how about some drool? P~R~E~T~T~Y!!!!!!!

Ok....body is calling for more sleep.

Night all.

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: JennieG
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 06:11 AM

Good to hear you are awake and coherent! Look after yourself and don't do any heavy furniture moving for a day or two yet.

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 10:06 AM

I don't think I drooled at the office.

My staples fell out on day 4. That's when they said I could go home. They told me it meant things were healing properly. Redness is a concern. Check regularly for that.

Have they let you take a shower yet? I had to wait for the staples to come out.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: jacqui.c
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 11:44 AM

Good to hear from you Michelle.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 12:04 PM

So far I've been spared staples.

It sounds like you're coming right along!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 12:17 PM

Ooh sexy jammies Michelle ☺☻
You sound good from here, keep up the good work.

John

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 12:46 PM

Indeed. Good to hear.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc wel
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 01:32 PM

bit of itchiness is indication of healing so long as there are no angry red streaks. that'd be infection.

good to read you are up and about. has my little package arrived yet?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 02:00 PM

When the staples fell out of my magazine, it fell apart. So I'd be careful if I were you Michelle :)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 02:34 PM

I went to the healing mass at church today and fell asleep about 5 minutes after the service on the ride home. My staple area is kind of itchy and a little bit pokey and the nurse said both of those are fine. The itchiness is actually a sign of healing, so GOOD! I have been able to take a shower...actually, I could have had one the day after my surgery if I wanted but waiting until the following day....just can't have the water aimed at my incision area...it's ok to be wet and even if soap gets on it....but no direct water pressure allowed.

It's hard for me to believe but this is only my 2nd day at home. Feels like much longer and I feel like I should be doing more but am going to just hang out and nap like I'm supposed to. :)

And John? The jammies have now changed to a green and navy blue plaid, complete with white compression stockings.....I'm telling you, I am BOOTIFUL! And my prayer shawl is right here too..........

;) Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 02:35 PM

MacKenzie, come over here so I can whack you this side of your head.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 03:08 PM

OOOOHHH Compression stockings. Do they have iodine stains on them? Mine did. I got in trouble with the head nurse because I cannot stand to have my feet covered. Despite being totally immobile I was able to slip them down from my thighs to my feet and off. This meant I was stuck in a plastic sleeve from a compression machine. They couldn't get me out. LOL I am sockless at work; sockless at home. I hate socks. If I had my way I would be barefoot all the time.

You will be very tired for a long time. You have had an enormous shock to your body as well as a huge dose of drugs. As they work out of your body, you will feel stronger but honest - six weeks before it's all gone.

Enjoy your rest. Wish I could nap whenever I feel like it.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: jacqui.c
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 03:20 PM

I feel like I should be doing more

That's a good sign of recovery but please try and ignore it! You really do need not to do anything other than getting well. This is a major operation and lots of rest is the best way to heal, take it from one who's been there! Enjoy having the time to read, listen to music, whatever you enjoy doing and that daily life doesn't usually allow you much time for.

(Sorry if I sound a bit bossy - just very concerned.)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 04:00 PM

The more you do, the longer the recovery AND you could damage the stitches. Sit down; lie down.
Bossy SINS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc wel
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 05:11 PM

Yes Michelle - rest is your primary business. No feeling bad or wrong about that.

Barefoot Mary is my Barefoot sister. Me too. I hate having my feet covered. My toes poke out from under the covers even if it is freezing.

Are you sure that smacking the Mack isn't exactly what he's hoping for?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -Surgery UPDATE comfort etc welcome
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 05:32 PM

No worries gang, I AM taking it easy....lots of naps. I am getting up to get myself water or to the bathroom and that's about it. I sleep a lot and have to remind myself that this is only my 2nd day at home. Feels longer to me. My mom got me a Grabber thing so I can at least pick up stuff that I drop or knock over instead of having to ask my husband who is doing EVERYTHING....I hate to ask him to do even more, especially the small stuff, you know?

Michelle who's off to read for a bit

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 07:42 PM

Michelle,

Do you have a hobby like embroidery or knitting or crochet, something you can do seated or lounging? It might help the time feel more like you're doing something without any physical strain.

As you feel better you'll be able to move around and do a little more every day, but there is a wall--you'll know it when you hit it--that can sneak up on you. I remember going to the store or a couple of short errands, and just suddenly feeling like I had to stop, sit, and sleep. It is a colossally tired feeling, and I suspect everyone discovers it at some point after surgery. It's not a bad thing--it lets you know you have to pace yourself, and after a while you will be well enough to not have to worry about it.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Maryrrf
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 10:38 PM

I just want to add my good wishes to this thread - glad you are on the mend and home!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 09:19 AM

Day 4. Are you shedding staples everywhere? Careful they are mean to step on.

Good morning Michelle.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 10:24 AM

Good Morning,

   I lost one staple the day before yesterday and today I have one that looks like it might come out. I'm not messing with them. I have an appointment on Tuesday for the Dr. to take them out.
   I am having some pain this morning but not in my incision area....rather off to the side of it. I don't know if it's where something was removed, scraped or just phantom stuff...but it's bothersome. I've been kind of panicky this morning too. It's my first day of having ANY time alone and it's only for a little over an hour but it's the first time in about a month and a half. I took a shower and am dressed and my mom will be here shortly. She is taking me to have lunch with some church friends I haven't been able to see in some time and then I'll either sleep at her house or she will bring me home and I will sleep here. She's made dinner for us and will be hanging out with me until Pete gets home.
   I don't know why but I just don't want to be alone.

I'm watching Clean Sweep and taking notes for days ahead. :)

Much love from a much too jittery Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 10:50 AM

Deep breaths, Lily.
You have been through a LOT emotionally and physically. If you need your mother to come earlier, call her.

That pain may be stitches or "moved" tissue. But let the doctor know about it. If it becomes worse today, call the doctor. Don't wait.
When I turned a certain way, I had a sharp pain from scar tissue that continued for two years. But don't take any chances on ripped stitches or infections.

I am amazed that you are up to getting dressed and going to lunch. Go easy girl! Your body has been hit by a Mack truck. Jittery is normal -
you are recovering from a life threatening surgery.

Let us know when Mom arrives. OK?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 11:00 AM

Michelle, you may find that you're sitting differently, moving differently, as you compensate for the surgery spot, so you may be using muscles that aren't accustomed to such use.

When you're out, if it is nice weather, let the sun shine on your face for a little while. I find that is such a great boost if my mood is low. I think it's a combination of nerves sensing the sun, the light coming in through the eyes (or lids) and the vitamin D that you're making. This is something good with or without surgery. :)

Give yourself a few more days before you start weaning yourself from round-the-clock company. At least until the staples have come out and the high power pain medications are finished. Did they tell you when you can drive?

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 11:55 AM

The told me six weeks before I could drive. But I wanted to go back to work after three weeks and I think that was used to stop me. LOL

Have you weighed yourself, Michelle? I remember being thrilled at losing ten pounds in two days.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 12:07 PM

Mary, having major organs removed is not a recommended weight loss method. I hope you're not considering it. :)

Michelle, you'll have to visit the Recovery Ward. They've had the place set up for your arrival for several days now. Just watch where you're walking, and don't let them smother you in bears.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 01:40 PM

LOL We are having a Biggest Loser contest at work. I borrowed a hacksaw and announced that I would win even if it meant taking off a leg. Some believed me.

My loss was dehydration and a five pound fibroid. If I never have surgery again it will be too soon.
M

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 06:58 PM

Oh, Michelle, what you are feeling is normal. I hope you had a fine day with mom and friends. Keep being gentle with yourself and know that we are still holding you in love.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 09:52 PM

Today was too much. I was falling asleep at the table. Spent the next 6 hours sleeping at Mom's. Another staple fell out. Some questionable stuff is going on around my navel so I called for Home Health to come tomorrow and check it out. The last thing I want or need is an infection.

I'm staying home tomorrow and probably until next week when I have my Dr.'s appointment. I overdid today. Found my wall. BANG.

And weight? I'm down about 20 pounds since December. Can't eat much...nurse said my appetite would be the last thing to come back. Mom brought me home with a pot roast, complete with veggies. Normally I LOVE that but today it just doesn't smell good to me. Pete enjoyed it for his dinner and is unhappy with me that I didn't have any. I had yogurt. I'm not hungry and most stuff is just unappealing. And garlic? Something I previously used LOTS of...now the smell of it makes my stomach churn.

Anyway.....I'm tired, have been kinda teary today too.

Goodnight Friends.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 10:44 PM

Anesthesia probably is a contributor to how you're feeling now--it takes a while to get it out of your system. It was always a kind of low grade hangover for me.

Also, depending on what your ovaries were doing in their end stage, you may have hormones that were doing some unusual things. At some point, if you haven't already, your doctor may give you (or you may want to ask for) information on hormone replacement therapy. There are so many factors that go into it--family history is a big one. What did other women in your family experience? Osteoporosis, breast cancer, types of arthritis, other diseases, anything like that?

Christiane Northrup has some good books on Women's Health, with appendices full of extra information and resources. You may have seen some of her lectures on PBS during their pledge drives over the years.

For now, sleep, don't overdo, and I'm glad you have the home health folks coming over to check you out again. When surgical wounds heal they are different than when a simple cut scabs over. Ask lots of questions!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 10:48 PM

And tell Pete how lucky he is to get the whole pot roast all to himself.**bg**

Rest, rest, and rest some more.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 07:17 AM

What Maggie and Kat said. Anaesthesia and hormones- you can't fight that! Yoghurt is very good. Listen to your body and eat what feels good to you!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 08:05 AM

Myteary day was Day 3 after the surgery. It was part relief, part hormones, part pain, part loss - you have had a huge chnage in your body and your life.

To this day, I can't tolerate garlic. If I eat anything with garlic in it, I taste a bitter metallic taste for hours afterwards. Go figure.

Now lady. Stay at home and rest. You have had major surgery. It takes six weeks to fully recover. The anaesthesia alone takes weeks to work its way out of your sytem. No going out unless it is to a doctor. I am surprised you weren't given these orders by your doctor. Mine gave it to me in writing.

Find a good book. Read until you fall asleep. Nibble on whatever appeals. Spoil yourself. You have earned it.

Mother SINS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 08:13 AM

When I had the last hernia op I was given strong painkillers that took my appetite away completely. The smell of food made me feel ill.

Yoghurt is good if you like it, just follow the dictates of your body on what food can be tolerated right now. When Kendall couldn't eat recently I made up drinks of whole milk, ice cream and strawberries - the doctor confirmed that, for a short while, that would help put some nourishment in him that he couldn't cope with otherwise. The energy drinks you can buy can also help.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Tinker
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 11:41 AM

Trust yourself.

Listen to your body.

Take time to heal.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 11:46 AM

Eat the livin' hell outta' whatever sounds good to you.   I think what you're feeling on that is more related to surg/anasth than anything else. My weirdest one was sweet potato. I hated the damn things all my life and suddenly I LOVED them. We eat them maybe once or twice a week........go figure.

Hopefully you won't have a taste for broiled sea bass..........


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 03:48 PM

OK I'll bite...why not, Spaw?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 04:27 PM

Just checking in Michelle. Imagining lovely healing for you.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 04:30 PM

He wants them all to himself. It's my favourite fish to eat, too.
Tam, I'm not a masochist.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 06:56 PM

Checking in, from the office. I hope you had a restful afternoon. That pot roast is always good reheated--most of them are better after a day or two.

I hope the tender spots are easing up.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 07:06 PM

Good to hear from you, take it easy - the worst thing you can do now is too much.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 07:17 PM

Lily visited some other threads very briefly today. Hopefully she is resting.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 10:52 PM

I did spend today resting. The home health nurse came and all is just fine and my incision is healing as it should. She said the same thing as some of you did....lots of what I am going through is just the anesthesia working it's way out of my body. I am very teary and anxious. I wonder when it will ever go away. It is a miserable way to be.

She told me I way over did it by going to church on Wednesday and then to lunch on Thursday and I am to STAY HOME, try to eat and walk around a bit. NOTHING ELSE.

I cut back on my pain meds for the past 2 days but think tonight I'll take both pills as I am sore (really kinda feeling like someone has kicked me in the stomach) and they help me sleep...of which I did very little of last night and today.

Many thanks for the continued prayers and healing thoughts.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 12:56 AM

Michelle,

I think you're doing it right with the pain medications. There seem to be wildly divergent approaches to narcotic drugs--ranging from under-use through abuse. But when you are experiencing pain, the narcotic effect doesn't cause a high because it is soothing the pain. So if you don't need it, use the milder meds, but if you have pain when you try to sleep, then it's doing what it's supposed to be doing. Soothing pain and letting you sleep.

I saw an acquaintance this evening who is an ontological ob/gyn. I mentioned our virtual support system here at Mudcat--he was pleased to hear that you have this online community. Positive thinking and support do have a good effect. And he said you're doing it exactly right--the surgery and the chemo follow-up to be sure to keep it away. That's good to hear, as one in this support group. :)

Make it a really lazy weekend. Find an old movie to watch, or have someone come over and show you a new knitting or crochet stitch, something quite but satisfying. No cruising the local mall for clearance sales, okay? ;-D

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 08:14 AM

Excatly SRS - Michelle, please listen to your nurse and rest up COMPLETELY!

I know how difficult it is just to sit and do nothing - my daughter wouldn't even let me outside her front door for two weeks following my operation and that drove me mad, but it did mean that all my system had to do was to heal. Back then I wasn't doing any craft work so spent my time watching TV and reading - I couldn't even play with my three year old grandson. However, boredom is better than landing up back in hospital.

Take care melove.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 08:23 AM

Good for you, Michelle. I know it's hard to be patient with your body sometimes. I'm glad you have good care.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 08:27 AM

With all this resting, how do I keep my mind positive? I have so much time and despite what the Dr. said, I am so full of fear about maybe they made a mistake. What if it spread? I know there's nothing I can do until I get the pathology and they will treat whatever if need be but it's absolutely maddening and sometimes I feel like I just can't take it.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 08:36 AM

Write it all down, Michelle. Get your thoughts, fears, questions on paper. What you do with it then is up to you. You can't control much of what is happening with your body. You can control your responses to it.

Make plans, both short and long term. Learn something new. Call/PM/email/write to friends and family who are proven to be healthy support for you. Plan something special for someone else. Live the moment you are in. Remember that the world is bigger than we individuals are. Good things are happening everywhere. You are one of those good things to many people. Smile. Breathe. Dream. Imagine the best. Plan a garden.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 08:39 AM

All natural worries Michelle, I'd feel the same in your place. You can only place your trust in those guys who did the op. The track record for procedures like yours are very good, so I should relax a bit if I were you.
Same with the tearful aspect, it's probably mostly hormonal, and it's one of those things that go with being female. Or so I'm led to believe ;)
The 3rd Mrs MacKenzie had a hysterectomy, and was very hormonal for a while afterwards.
Crochet, knit, tie flies, read a book.
Don't, jog, sky dive, or trampoline !!
Lots of Catters pulling for you lassie.

John

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 08:49 AM

I learned a lesson fairly early on in life, during the Cold War when, after reading Neville Shute's book 'On The Beach' at too early an age, followed by the Cuba Crisis, my thoughts kept turning to the possibility of nuclear war.

I had many sleepless night s with those fears. when I thought about it I knew there was little I could do at the time and that I was just making myself ill with the thoughts. From then on, every time the thought came into my head I would consciously make myself think of something else - something funny one of my kids had said or done, a song I had heard, a beautiful place that I had visited or wanted to go to, anything to drive the thought away.

It takes some effort to get there, but it does work. When you start thinking that way find some good threads on the 'Cat, that maybe make you laugh, phone someone to have a chat, not about what is happening, but maybe to talk about something that they are doing or to catch up on good news. Whenever the thoughts intrude just tell them that, since you can't do anything about this right now, you do not want to hear what they say.

If you find that the above is not working than talk to your doctor and tell them that these thoughts are making you ill. Sometimes temporary medication may help to ease things.

You have my phone number - if you think it might help call me.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 12:52 PM

The only place I was comfortable was on my big oversized green corduroy couch - lost it to Alice's kittens when they thought it was a kitty litter.
Anyway...the only TV station I could get was Home Shopping. I had the best time watching these silly people trying to describe pure crap in the most glowing terms. Of course, I couldn't pass up a bargain and ended up with a box of about fifty non-working plastic children's watches. I had ordered three for $10. I must have been the only one to order them. They dumped them all in a box and shipped them.

The "What If's" are your worst enemy right now, Lily. They affect your mental attitude and your healing. Books, CDs, a "project" crocheting or knitting or anything that appeals. Perfect time to set up a recipe file or update an address book. The fear is normal and real.

I kept sanitary napkins in the house for months because I didn't trust that the surgery had been done right. Keep sharing here. Putting your fears in writing takes away some of their power. Call Jacqui or anyone you trust to listen.

One day at a time...

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 02:17 PM

With all this resting, how do I keep my mind positive?

Well... :~).... there's always music. Music to play at home on one's instruments, music to click to play here, music to find online, CDs within easy reach.......

So, what music is at your disposal and what feel right?

(Addendum to an earlier good suggestion from a wise woman-- the more one writes HERE (at Mudcat), the more "help" will be forthcoming. One can drown in that..... Writing it all out is great, but IMO it's also a good idea to be thoughtful about where you display it. Maybe nowhere but for one's own use on one's own computer?)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 02:47 PM

Take care of yourself, Michelle. Give yourself time to heal and try to use the time to catch up on books you wish you'd read, movies you might like to see (on dvd of course) and all the music you never had time to listen to.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 07:22 PM

I am looking forward to tonight. Since I've been home, we've been sleeping in our recliners because I couldn't manange the stairs to our bedroom. Tonight we are sleeping in our bed. I can't tell you how much I've missed curling up next to my husband and feeling his protective arms wrapped around me as I drift off to sleep. YAY.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 07:25 PM

Yes. Sweet sleep to you both, Michelle. Having my Truelove beside me makes all the difference.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 07:27 PM

Sleep well dear. Sweet dreams.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Jan 10 - 08:06 PM

Sniff...

Makes ol' hillbilly wanta get him one of them hystericalectomies so I can come home and snuggle with the P-Vine...


























...not!!!

Glad yer feeling better 'cause it's about time to get seedling going fir the veggie garden...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 07:09 AM

snugglin up to sweetie is wunnerful stuff. hope you take good sense of well being from that snuggle.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 08:04 AM

when I came out of hospital 12 months ago, one kind friend collected me & fed me a yummy lunch (hospital food is not good) then took me to another friend's place where I stayed two nights & got lots more yummy food & a friendly cat for company, but it was great when I finally got home to my own bed.

keep resting

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 08:07 AM

Ahhhhhh, the familiar cozy bed. I hope you slept long and deeply, and woke (will wake? will have woken?) to sweet cuddles and lazy rising.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 09:40 AM

Yesterday my husband brought the mail in the house and announced that I had a package. I wasn't expecting anything and when I opened it, I was completely overwhelmed with love.

Jacqui sent me the most beautiful turquoise shawl and a lovely note that left me feeling very, very loved. I cried happy tears and put it on immediately. Within 30 minutes, I was asleep, blissfully asleep without horrific dreams, wrapped in a giant Mudcat hug. It's a kindness I will never forget.

Thank you so very much Jacqui. ((((((((((((((((((Much Love))))))))))))

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 11:14 AM

Damn! Now I'm all weepy. One day at a time but sometimes one day is really ten miles back to normal. Rest easy, Lily.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 11:55 AM

Wow! Michelle, having this surgery this time of year was opportune for the Mudcat folks whose common currency for exchange is wool. :)   

It's a beautiful day. I have my nose to the grindstone, taking advantage of being in the middle of the billing cycle to shop for lower rates at several companies. I pulled up a Consumer Reports discussion of insurance prices and satisfaction, and they provided links to sites for comparison purposes. Meanwhile, my organic gardening guru is on the radio. Moving forward. Michelle, I know life goes on for all of us, and you'll be chafing at not being able to act on whatever the current chores or issues are in your life, but they'll wait a little while. Get a seed catalog and plan for what you'll be planting in the garden this year. Maybe someone can set up a little growing kit in a window for you and you can at least watch the seeds sprout and grow indoors. A sign of great things to come!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 01:14 PM

I'm glad you liked the shawl Michelle. We each do what we can and I'm just glad that I can do something that makes people happy.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 02:09 PM

((((((((((((((Giant Hug)))))))))))))))))

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 02:37 PM

Dear Michelle - you have now joined the sisterhood of JacquiC shawl wearers. Mine sits on back of sofa so I can wrap up in an instant.

Yep -- big Mudcat hug and collective healing thoughts and light coming to you (and others) from me at 9:15pm (4:15pm your time).

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 10:27 PM

Between Jacqui and MMario, there are quite a few of us who have received shawls...CLICK.

They are pretty special, aren't they? I love both of mine, very much!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 08:21 AM

Me, too! I'm so glad you have one, Michelle!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 06:58 PM

Climbing the walls yet, Michelle? Have you been out for a ride, something very sedentary but that gets you out of the house?

We discovered a couple of deadlines this week (one on Wednesday, one on Sunday) so are dashing around filling out papers. I'm headed out the door next with tax stuff and forms to fill out at his Dad's house. Made an interview appointment and nudged his teachers and counselor--no one had turned in their forms yet. Arrgggghhh! Oops, this should be declutter stuff. Michelle, get well soon so we're over in one spot again talking about all of this stuff!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 09:50 AM

Getting in and out of the car can pull open stitches. Be very careful.
And don't fall on the ice - MOAN!
SINS looking for sympathy.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 10:07 AM

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, poor Sins!!!!!!!


<<< HUG >>>

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 10:19 AM

(((((((((((((Sins)))))))))))))))

Today I go to get my staples out. I think I will also find out about the pathology.

All I can do is cry.

I am praying that nothing spread and that all the cancer has been removed.

:(

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 12:14 PM

Go ahead and cry Lily. This is very frightening. Who's going with you to the appointment?
The staples will come out easily. The pathology is what it is. You will get through this one day at a time.
Stay strong.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 12:39 PM

Ignore my above post. Cry, scream yell and throw things. You have a right to be frightened and angry - it's a lousy hand you have been dealt.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 01:17 PM

However, you'll find that if you don't rage and shout and stuff, you're system will be better off.

I've never had staples, but stitches in my foot after bunionectomy hurt like a sun of a gun. They'd been in so long. Your staples are coming out sooner than my stitches did, which helps.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 03:48 PM

Keeping an eye out for the pathology report. Another big hurdle to cross. Let us know when you can, kiddo!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 03:53 PM

Yup, sending positive thoughts your way Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 04:18 PM

Waiting...
the hardest part of the battle.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 05:28 PM

Not everyone finds waiting the hardest. Some prefer it.

Michelle, here we're still focusing on the most positive thoughts and prayers, "even if" and "whatever may be." Because when one gets right down to it-- it's still TODAY that one has and it's still TODAY that we must choose how to live. And today, no matter what the docs may say-- they still, really, only know about "today."

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 07:25 PM

Waiting with you Michelle, every step of the way. I remember how hard was the time between my operation and getting the results of the biopsy.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 07:49 PM

The staples came out easily except for a few around my navel which didn't surprise me...they've been red, irritated and oozing. No infection though, so that's good news. Now I'm being held together with Steri-Strips.

The pathology is not back yet. I have an appointment for next week.

They gave me a packet of information about ovarian cancer, good websites, diet, and more but I'm too afraid to look at it.

Also, they said to get an appointment IMMEDIATELY with my home Dr. to deal with this anxiety which hinders healing due to crying, sobbing, heaving, coughing, blowing my nose, etc. I called my local Dr. from the hospital (which is 2 hours away) and have an appointment there first thing tomorrow morning.

Also, I have more pain meds which I've been scrimping on and am needing.

It's been a long scary day for me. Both my surgeons were there, both upbeat but of course they don't have the information to give me. I've been told to concentrate on eating and working on this anxiety stuff (which I hope means a medication adjustment).   I'm now down 28 pounds since December and while I'd like to lose weight, this is NOT the way to do it and I KNOW I need to build up my strength for whatever is to come. I started drinking Boost.....a nutritional supplement drink and the Dr.'s said to go ahead and drink it at each meal.

I feel like I am living on nursing home food and take the same amount of meds to qualify living in one.

Anyway, I'm thankful I can eat SOMETHING, even if it's soft and bland and I'm thankful for the meds to help me get through this.

I'm also thankful for all of you.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 11:28 PM

Michelle,

Don't just talk to a medical doctor, find yourself a counselor or psychiatrist. They can do a great job in helping you set aside the anxiety. If you don't, it means you're not focusing on positive things, you're not looking beyond the now, you're not working on a plan. If you're focused on the fear, you're letting the cancer win, it is just that simple. So you need to cast out the fear along with the cancer.

Sounds like it is time to go sit in on the yoga class, even if you're not doing anything, just to get back to the breathing and to practicing some discipline in focusing outward.

Good luck--make that appointment, but ask about a counselor also.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Tinker
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 11:59 PM

Hey there.... just to let you know there are folks here through the night as well.

Looking for a place to move forward.... something to busy your mind would be a good thing....

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Janie
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 02:22 AM

Such a tough place to inhabit right now, dear Michelle. It is hard to inhabit the present moment out of worry or concern about what may be in the future. Especially when the present moment is painful or uncomfortable as surgery scars heal.

Remind yourself, gently, and without judgement, to be fully present in the moment at hand.


Janie

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 07:20 AM

more hugs as I can't add anything to what has been said.

Maybe just one bit of wisdom from my physio recently - she reminded me one reason my scar is still sore 12 months later (apart from the fact it is in my groin, just above the fold of my leg) - it's not just 12" long, it's several inches deep - duh! I never thought of that.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 07:43 AM

Checking. I am still on watch and hoping for best possible outcome.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 08:06 AM

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 08:54 AM

Holding you in love...

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 09:00 AM

Thanks for the update, Michelle. No news is good news.
Here in Maine the local hospitals offer all sorts of support groups for cancer patient, friends, and families. Everything from yoga and exercise classes to crafts and counseling. Maybe something like that is available by you. It may help to share your fears with people who are in the same place or who have been there and survived.
If you like, I will be happy to search out what is available near you. Just PM me some info on where you live, your hospital, and realistic travel distances.
If something appeals, go for it. If not, no harm done.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: kendall
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 09:04 AM

Well, I sure as hell hate waiting for the results; I always imagine the worst and that is a human trait. I would say that any normal person would be concerned.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 09:10 AM

Still here dear.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 12:47 PM

No infection is very good news, now that I think about. It means your immune system is functioning well - a very good sign.

Still waiting impatiently for results and your doctors' plans for the next steps to Welldom.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 08:11 PM

I'm not enjoying the wait at all. It's scary and frustrating and at times, terrifying for me.

My visit to the surgeon yesterday went well and he answered some of my questions which helped to ease my fear.

The staples are out but I'm still having issues around my navel. This morning I went to see my regular Dr. for more help with the anxiety stuff (she gave me sleeping meds???????) and had her look at my incision. She took a sample of the yuck, re-steri stripped my belly and also gave me some antibiotics. I'm hoping that does the trick.

I am sleeping a lot lately.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 08:36 PM

Sleep can be a good way to turn off the anxieties. Your body needs to rest. And don't forget - the anaesthesia really does take weeks to get out of your system.

I wish I could take away the fear, Michelle. Unfortunately, until you know what the test results are, you can't cope and plan. The What Ifs set in.

The only suggestion I can offer is try to live in the What Is. You are safe at home. The surgery is behind you. You have a loving husband to hold you and help you. You can see, hear, walk, talk, read, sing, laugh, cry - you are in charge of most of your life. Focus on who are. That is real. Try to put away What Might Be. It isn't real, may never happen, and has no real place in today.

We are all praying and lighting candles and keeping your health and healing in our thoughts. Work with us.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 10:21 PM

Amen.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Janie
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 11:37 PM

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its problems; it empties today of its strengths." - Corrie Ten Boom

Of course you are worried and fearful, Michelle, but find ways to "turn the mind" away from the thoughts that induce the frustration, fear and even terror as much of the time as possible. Some activity that engages as many of the senses as possible in the present can be helpful. The idea is to find ways to tolerate the distress without making it worse. It is not about trying to banish fear, it is about finding ways to not dwell on the fear.

Sending {{{hugs}}} and caring for your well-being.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 07:15 AM

((((((Michelle)))))))

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 07:39 AM

Feeling very weak this morning...something new. I'm going back to sleep. So tired.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 07:53 AM

The wonders of sleep inducers. They make me feel stupid for 24 hours. But rest and sleep are just what you need. Pleasant dreams.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Tinker
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 10:31 AM

What Mary said.... sleep lets the mind work through it's fears and find places to put all of our concerns and worries without paralyzing the day with inaction.

Sending you love and concern to live the day.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 11:27 AM

Sleep is also a feature of depression, so don't let it take over your days. When you speak to your doctor, be sure to mention this. You might benefit from keeping a diary--eating, sleeping, medication, it will help you see patterns.

It's a gloomy day here, overcast with drizzle. I can understand wanting to go back to sleep on a day like today!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 11:45 AM

Lily just got the sleeping aids from her doctor yesterday so I suspect more sleep is in order for a while. I envy you Lily. I love to sleep and can do it anywhere anytime. I should have a job as a mattress tester.
Are there any comedies you enjoy? Might be a good time to fill your waking moments with fun stuff. Laughter is wonderful medicine.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 02:24 PM

I missed that bit--yeah, I hear that some sleeping pills can cause a real groggy feeling. That happens to me if I take Benedryl full strength, even at night. By the next morning I'm still feeling it.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 03:32 PM

Those sleepies wear off better if you do the whole length of sleep you really need. Even a half hour of waking too early can leave the sleepies running all day. Beware of over-riding that with caff-- wrecks the whole effect. (This has been true of every sleep aid I have used, and I think I have used them all at one time or another.)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 07:03 PM

Home health here today...still having icky oozie issues with my navel. I've had 3 doses of antibiotics and am hoping that will help. In the meantime, my insurance company will be receiving a request to extend the home health visits as my incision is open and draining....and such an odd spot to tend to myself.

I did go back to sleep until about 11:30am when the phone rang, otherwise I could have probably slept a bit longer. No caffeine in my diet lately (no coffee...I know...hard to believe, but true) so I think my body just needs the rest.

Got to get out to WW today...felt good to see my friends. Received an award for having lost 101.9 pounds. Still can't believe it.

Only one crying spell today....a well meaning friend is being really pushy about the pathology of things and right now, I just don't even want to think about it. She was talking about chemo too....nothing horrible but enough to rock my boat a little bit. So....still not a tear free day but it was MUCH better today.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 08:16 PM

You're doing well Michelle. Let your body decide what it wants to do and if that means sleep, so be it right now. That's when your system can use energy to heal faster.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 08:59 PM

Turn that phone OFF when you are sleeping, Michelle. Whoever it is can call back or wait for you to call.

WW must have been an "up" moment. Over 100 pounds. That is amazing. Congratulations.

Sounds like your friend is genuinely worried about you if a bit tactless. But if that was your only crying jag, the sleep is helping. One day at a time.

Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 10:25 AM

I made a call to find out more information and register for the Look Good Feel Better Program that the American Cancer Society has. I had no idea how sad this call would make me feel. :(

My insides are gone and it's very probable that now some of my outsides are going to go too.

OMG.


:(

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 10:37 AM

Lilbit, don't think about anything but healing right now. You are worrying and that is not good for you.

Deal with other stuff as and when it happens.

Nuff said!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 05:06 PM

Some of your insides are gone. So is the cancer. If the outsides go (although I don't quite know what that means) small price to pay for living a long happy life.Those of us with 100 lbs to lose think you are amazingly strong and beautiful.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 05:08 PM

Outsides = hair

*Sigh*

You are right, I am worrying about something that is ahead that I am unsure of. And Mary you are also right, it IS a small price to pay to live a long, happy, HEALTHY, life.

I had no idea it would freak me out so much.

(((((((((Thank you for the reminders of the good things in my life))))))

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 06:34 PM

And speaking of GOOD THINGS, guess what I found in my mailbox today? The sweetest little fairy and a head dress that looks like lots of FUN!!!!!

VT, you are too sweet and I loved the card!!!!!!

The fairy is sitting on my desk and I plan to play with the head dress tomorrow....I've never had one!!!!!

Thank you for thinking of me....you brought a smile to my face and I'm sure I'll be having some fun tomorrow too! Now....my sweet little fairy needs a name....Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.........

(((((((Hugs)))))))))

Thank you!!!!!!!!
Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 09:24 PM

I have to get shopping this weekend. I have a couple of things to send to people.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 09:29 PM

sending more hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 04:17 AM

Michelle having learned from the JacquiC shawl installment that your fav colour is green, wish I had sent the jade/sage green headdress.

Anyway, I guess you can put that head dress to some fun use.

Whew! what a relief. thought it had gone missing.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 07:55 AM

VT,

   I love just about all colors....I am a photographer at heart and know that it is ALL the colors of the world that come together to make this such a beautiful place!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you sent me a head dress....I've looked at them on eBay for Ren Fairs (and the dresses too) but never got one. Now I think I might spend some time looking at the dresses and patterns....I mean, I have HALF of the outfit now, right? *G*

Much love from Michelle who is going to church tonight wearing brown boots, black pants, a neon green turtleneck (maybe dark green), white compression stockings, a dark purple hat, a scarf of many colors and a purple coat!!!   See? Lots of colors!

PS. I can't believe you can do beading like that....they are so tiny....that is a gift in itself!

PPS. I've moved the fairy to sit with me...she's right beside my chair with her sweet, delicate wings! <3

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 07:58 AM

I think medications make you dream strange things. I woke up this morning dreaming about chemotherapy. In my dream they had to remove a 4x4 inch area of skin for each treatment.

*sigh*

Gross & scary.

I'm aiming for dreamless naps and sleep later today!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 08:02 AM

Dreams are often just manifestations of our fears. You are "shedding" the fears along with the cancer, and donning yourself with color and brightness and hope. Good for you!
love,
Allison

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 08:27 AM

Lily,
Only once did I take (read: was I allowed to take) Ambien. I had nightmares but they were in such wonderful psychedelic colors that I loved them. Until you mentioned your dreams, I had forgotten how horrific the dreams themselves were.

Hair - my neighbor in NYC had Hodgkins Lymphoma and underwent chemo twice for it. She never lost her hair. Go figure. Hats will help. But feel free to grieve if it falls out. And remember it will grow back. My niece had long straight hair. Hers came back in all curly and very beautiful.

Do not drive! It was the one thing my doctor harped in. Just getting into and out of the car can pull stitches. A fast slam on the brakes could put you back in the hospital. It is not worth the chance of prolonging your recovery.

I re-read this and I do sound very bossy. Sorry. And feel free to ignore anything that doesn't suit you at the moment.

SINS, in mothering mode.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 08:57 AM

Sins,

    The pills I'm taking at night are not sleeping pills per say, they are more to help me relax so I can get a good night's sleep which SHOULD help ease the intense morning anxiety. I was skeptical but you know what? It's working and I am happy to not be balled up in a knot of fear sobbing until 10:00am or later.

   And the hair. I know it's vain but I don't want to lose it...I don't think anyone does....and at this point, for all I know, I might NOT lose it. Not only will I be more hideous than I already am but I have a life long habit of playing with my hair as a comfort....so there's a fear there of taking away something that is self soothing. So...I talked to my hair dresser and if my hair starts to come out, before it gets all scraggly, she is going to put it into lots of little pony tails and cut them off one by one. This will allow me to still be able to feel the softness of my own hair. I've looked at wigs, turbans, hair halos and the like....I don't know what I want in that line so I suppose it will be a wait and see kind of deal. The American Cancer Society has a program called Look Good Feel Better. These classes are run by beauticians and they have all kinds of wigs/turbans/etc for us to try on. They also will do make up tips and send me home with lots of makeup and I believe a wig or two. I had to register with the ACS and requested that my mom be able to come along. The woman on the phone didn't know if that was allowed but later she called me back to say that would be fine and that makes me feel better...to have someone along for support.

As far as driving goes, I ALMOST did some yesterday but decided I was tired and wanted to stay home. I'd like to go to church tonight but because church is about 40 minutes from our home, I'm not sure I'll be going. I hate to ask my husband to drive me there as he is on the road all week and is not interested in going to the service. I MIGHT drive myself. We shall see. The Dr. said that once the staples were out and I was off the pain pills, I could drive. We shall see.

I'm cold this morning (picture this: giant gray sweat pants, a long sleeved, long green and blue flannel nighty, a shawl around my shoulders and a blue blanket in my lap....lookout Miss America, you've got competition!!!!

I have been invited to a baby reception this afternoon and am looking forward to holding the beautiful baby Audrey!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 09:24 AM

Michelle - lucky you can't see me heading off to the loo at a wintery folk festival - faded yellowy or blue ankle-length short sleeved summer nightie, black thermal pants & matching top, hand-knitted Nepalese rainbow wool socks, topped by my big black woollen coat!

I'll look even better next year as these 2 nighties are in the rag bag. I've made 2 new ones: apple green with white spots, & bright yellow with white stars.

One of my friends lost her hair a few times in her chemo, & had a great collection of wigs. She was known to haul off her wig & show off her new curls at appropriate moments!

have fun with the baby.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 10:43 AM

Michelle, if you drive that far from home and get too tired before you get home, you're going to have to pull over and have Pete come get you, and someone else is going to have to drive him to where you are. It's going to chafe for a while longer, but when you're tired from something like this, you have to remember to pace yourself.

My browser wants to shut down. Better send this while I can.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 11:02 AM

More mothering from here...please be sure not to lift the baby yourself. Let someone hand him to you and be very careful while you hold him. Just as with driving, any sudden movement, a natural lifting up to soothe, etc. would not be good for your incision.

Let's see, you've been home since Jan. 18th. Today is the 30th, so it's been a whole 12 days, not even two full weeks...you might want to slow down a bit, darlin'..for what you've been through 12 days is not a lot of recovery time for MAJOR surgery and to get the anaesthesia out. (That stuff can settle in your muscles for months.) IMO, no church tonight. Even seeing the babe is questionable.

Feel free to tell us if you get tired of the mothering.:-)

kat

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 11:06 AM

Hideous????
That comment made me think of the Getaway. The first night we are all at our best, a little tired from the commute but up and happy. Day 2, after stating up way past midnight we look a little less attractive. By Day 3, we are all tired and look it, slightly grubby from dressing on the run, and maybe a bit hung over. Outsiders would probably see a bunch of middle-aged messy people who ought to know better. We see only the beauty of friends sharing their music.

No amount of surgery, lack of sleep, crying or just feeling miserable could make you hideous to your real friends. Your husband feels the same way - grateful to have you home and alive. To yourself? That is something you will have to come to terms with. Your cancer group will help you.

With the loss and pain comes a knowledge of how beautiful and precious life is and how fleeting is superficial beauty. It will come to you eventually.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 11:19 AM

what the other mothers said... I am echoing. remember that incision is not only on the surface... it is internal. things have been and will be shifting. don't do anything to encourage unnatural shift.

glad you like the gifts though.

Now I am off to do a happy dance in the declutter thread.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Maryrrf
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 11:32 AM

Hey Michelle, I have not been on Mudcat much lately but am following this thread and want to add my support. A friend of mine had a similar surgery two years ago and is now fine - you will be fine too. Good vibes headed your way!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 04:32 PM

More mothering - give yourself time to heal properly and try not to take risks that might land you back in hospital. As has been said - don't lift th baby, have her sat on your lap and then taken off by others.

Treat yourself kindly, you're worth it.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 31 Jan 10 - 12:47 PM

I'm impressed. Jacqui posted from her Grammy Awards weekend.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Jan 10 - 03:54 PM

The baby reception was nice...loads of people, many of whom I did not know. An old friend from high school was there so we sat together and chatted. I sat and held the baby for probably half an hour or so and also got to feed her....heaven....I'm telling you, I was in heaven. I didn't stay long as I tire so fast but I'm glad I went!

When I got home, I took a nap...a few hours or so and decided that I wanted to go to church. My husband wasn't interested in driving me over and my Mom is plain old worn out from driving me everywhere so I drove myself. No pain meds for the previous 24 hours and I'd also had a nap. It was fine although I won't be gallavanting around the countryside on a daily basis just yet. It was good for me to go....to hear the sermon, the enjoy the music and just to see other people....also, just the atmosphere makes me feel better.

I will say that the day was tiring and I slept all night and didn't wake up until 10:30ish this morning...something I hardly EVER do. My husband likes to tease if I sleep past 7:30am, he'll tell me I slept the entire day away.

We went to town this afternoon to the feed store (I sat in the car), to lunch (where I had 1/6th of a steak , a side salad and we both got cake to bring home) and then to Walmart. My list was short but of course I needed things from BOTH sides of the store. One complete trip around and I had to sit on the bench for a little bit....totally wore me out. Pete assures me it will get better.

I'll be going to the Dr. tomorrow as the infection is looking worse and is going further up on my incision.

I'm also not feeling as panicked as I had been....now it's more of a quiet, inside panic...instead of the screaming, crying, freaked out panic. Apparently there are stages to how people go through such a diagnosis. My mom keeps telling me, "You're supposed to get mad now, remember?" I've read about the stages and honestly would be happy to feel some anger as anger brings energy with it and has a tendency to do away with fear....I'm just not there yet.

What I do need is a nap.

I love you people. Every last one of you.

Night.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 31 Jan 10 - 04:56 PM

'nigh-night, sweet Michelle! You sound as though you're doing very well. Sleep well!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 08:56 AM

Yeah, Michelle. The anger will come. There are certain steps towards final acceptance. Disbelief, denial, anger, fear, guilt - all sorts of what seem negative emotions but each is a step towards healing. They don't come in any set order. And some come back.

Remember I told you how good it made me feel to throw things? A satisfying smash and the calm after the storm when I got to clean up the mess.

You will experience it differently.

I am amazed you can do as much as you are doing. Wonderful - as long as you recognize when you are tired.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 10:19 AM

Yeah well, church wasn't the best idea I had.....I wasn't comfortable at all.....hard seats are painful after just a few minutes...it was good for my spirits but kinda hard on the body.

I am weepy today. The bottom of my wound is healing very nicely but the top....well, it's not. I called my local Dr. today and she's not in. Got to speak to a nurse who said that my surgeon needed to see me. I pointed out that my local Dr. is the one who took a sample of the yuk and gave me antibiotics to begin with and why won't they see me. She passed me on to another nurse who was better. She said they have the preliminary results back to match the infection to the antibiotic. She was going to call the hospital to see about the final results which they may have but not have sent over just yet and at 10:30, the head Dr. comes in and she's going to talk to him about what's going on with me and give me a call back. In the meantime, I'm showered, put some antibiotic cream along my incision, steri-stripped it with my homemade band-aid kind of way because I don't have steri-strips and a 4x4 gauze patch over my belly button area.

I haven't thrown anything yet but I have done some from the gut screaming...no words...just screaming in my empty house. Once it's out, I feel better. And tired. I'm tired all the time and it seems I sleep a lot. That's good for me, I know.

Today I am going to spend the day at Mom's house....most likely on the couch where I will sleep or read. I am hoping to go to yoga tonight...to just sit on my mat or lay down or legs up the wall....whatever is comfy....to just be in a space I love with people I love and am missing (it's been over a month since I've been there I think). No yoga....just yoga people and yoga space....maybe a little yoga nidra...we'll see.

Anyway, I'm amazed that you think I do a lot because I feel like the world's biggest slug. I shower and sleep. Eat, sleep. Pet the dog, sleep. Eat, sleep. Answer the phone and sleep. You get the idea....

And how is it that I can't feel that there are parts of my body missing? That freaks me out. No uterus. No fallopian tubes. No ovaries yet I don't feel an emptiness in those areas.....how come?

What I do feel is that my belly button is trying to escape...feels like it's pulling itself out to make a mad dash to somewhere warm. I don't know. Weird but true.

Michelle who just had Boost and 11 pills for breakfast. YUM.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 10:41 AM

Michelle, fwiw, I had trouble with part of my incision from heart surgery. It wasn't healing properly. The surgeon looked at it a couple of times and said to just keep putting Neosporin (antibiotic ointment) on it. All that did was make it itch like crazy, which I thought meant it was healing. It was not. It was just getting more irritated. I remembered what the vet had said about not "smothering" my cat's wound as it needed oxygen to heal. He instead told me to use iodine in a diluted solution with water. Finally, I stopped using the ointment and painted my incision with iodine. I had felt, instinctively, that would do the trick and it did. Within a day or two it felt better and healed up quickly after that.

I am not saying that is what you should do, but it worked for me. Good luck.

Oh, and another thing...when I was so ill and feeling useless, i.e. as though I'd done nothing all day, my friend asked me to make a list of everything I did, including usual things such as getting up and going to the bathroom, letting the dog outside, etc. no matter how small and seemingly insignificant, I was to write it down. Then she and I would talk in the evening and after reading her my list it occurred to me I really had done more than I realised. Try it, you'll see.:-)

kat

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 10:48 AM

Great idea Kat...I think I WILL do that because I do feel rather useless.

Dr. just called and they are giving me a new script for a different antibiotic, one that matches my infection so HOPEFULLY on Wednesday when I go to see my surgeon, he won't have to re-open the incision to pack it due to infection.

Yep. I know ick when I see it.

My special talents are endless I tell ya.

;) Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Tinker
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 11:07 AM

Naming our personal "icks"
Is key if the "icks" you will lick
So diss not the talent
for it keeps you in balance

And add it to the list
(In case it's an action you might have missed)



Not really prime poetry.... but perhaps a giggle...

I'm sending a PM too....

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 11:07 AM

Still thinking about you and holding you close in our thoughts.

Love and Healing

Khatt x

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 11:10 AM

Michelle - it really does take time and energy to heal. At two weeks I was arguing with my daughter to be allowed to make a cup of tea and the only way I was allowed out was with her and being pushed round in a wheelchair if we went into a shop.

I did feel rather useless during that time but it did me good as I was able to get back to normal life, living alone and working in London, with an hour and a half commute each way, in five weeks from my operation.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 11:31 AM

Michelle, about the hard church seats. That wing chair up the aisle-- well, you would not be the first Saturday Nighter to curl up there, and it's easily moved, too, if you want James to put it anywhere you point. Or tell me here, and it will be waiting for you-- one nice spot is in front of the chapel, where the kids' toys and activity bags hang out.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Feb 10 - 11:40 AM

Jeez, Tink. Don't quit your day job. You are almost as talented as WAV. Not quite, just almost.

I was housebound for three weeks. Chaos all around me. And I slept - a lot. In a few weeks you will be back to normal. Meantime, be kind to yourself. And watch that infection.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 11:25 AM

Well, my incision looks better after only one dose of the new antibiotics....hard to believe, but true. My navel is still a mess and I'm dreaded the poking that is sure to go on tomorrow when I meet with the surgeon. Side effect of the antibiotic? A little bit dizzy and nauseous.

Spent the entire day on Mom's couch yesterday doing NOTHING. Sleeping and watching television....following orders from Dr. Jacqui and Sins. I did good! ;)   I did NOT go to the yoga class as I thought it might just depress me to watch everyone jumping back into chatarangas...something which I love to do and can't right now...so I stayed on the couch.

Today I'm spending the day in my own recliner, feet up, a snuggly blanket with a book and water by my side. Gotta get more fluids in....they can't find my veins when I'm all dehyrated which means MORE needle sticks for me. NO THANK YOU.

And Susan, I'll take you up on the offer for the wing chair at church. I had no idea that the pews would cause that kind of pain....it's why I was so wiggly and holding my prayer shawl over my belly...putting pressure on to ease some of the uncomfortableness.

Off to the recliner! Have a great day everybody! Pathology report comes in tomorrow, please keep your fingers crossed, think positive things or pray for me....please, please, please!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 11:28 AM

Michelle,

Waiting with you for the news.

Please keep in mind that whatever they tell you, all you really have is today-- and you get to choose how to live it.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 02:33 PM

Good to hear that you are resting melove. All good thoughts here for the right result from the pathology report, but whatever happens just know that we are here.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 03:26 PM

Holding you close, waiting with you.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Janie
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 03:52 PM

In a circle, all around. Waiting? Yes. But also very present right here, right now.

Birdwatching anyone?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 05:32 PM

sending more good wishes

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 07:31 PM

The pathology report is what it is. We are all here.

Don't come anywhere near me. I have a cold. You do not need to be coughing and sneezing while trying to hold you stitches in place.

Maybe you can distract yourself with plans for a Valentine's surprise for Pete. He has earned it.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 09:23 PM

I'm going to wrap myself up in the shawl that Jacqui sent and melt into the hugs it holds.

There's part of me that says ok....the report will say what it says and we'll find out what's the next step to getting me healthy. Then there's the other part that is scared shitless. I don't want a port. I don't want to be sick all the time. I don't want to lose my hair.

But I DO want to be healthy and so I will do whatever it is I need to do and lean when I need to lean.

What I need now is a hug.

:( Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Feb 10 - 09:50 PM

(((Michelle)))

OK, now look. What I know FOR SURE is that you are up to whatever challenges lie ahead of you, whether they involve recovering from the surgery and a little post-surg chemo to vibrant health, or whether you have to duke it out a little longer against this damn cancer. I think I know HOW you will do it, too, and it will involve quite a bit of creativity.

The past year or so has been an intense and rewarding time for you, of deciding over and over and over to simply follow the joy. And that's all you have to keep on doing! Joy will lead you exactly where you need to go.

And about those stages of reactions-- screw 'em. OK, if you find yourself in the midst of a hissy fit, you'll know that it's one of the "expected" stages. But you do not need to conform to them or pay attention to them at all-- just recognize, each day, that you are already doing absolutely the best that you can. Not almost-enough, and not according to anyone else's idea of what ought to be possible.

Just assume that you are already doing the best that can be done, and EN-JOY IT.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 10:17 AM

*Deep Breath*

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 10:21 AM

Breathing here with you, Michelle.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 10:37 AM

Amen!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 10:39 AM

Michelle, do I assume correctly that you are off now on your way to the hospital where you did the surgery?

LIVESTRONG!

Keeping a strong thought (prayers) for you.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 10:58 AM

Susan,

    Yes, we are headed to see my surgeon...leaving shortly.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and good thoughts....they are appreciated more than you know.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 10:59 AM

OK, we'll assume posts made between now and get-back will not be seen til later.

Drive safe, and have FUN with your car-buddy/ies.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 11:29 AM

And so once again we wait.
Breathing with you, Lily, with a bit of a wheeze. A simple cold and I turn into Sarah Bernhardt.
If and when you are ready to share your news, we'll be here.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 02:19 PM

quick peek in to add extra good wishes. glad you are resting... waiting with others for news.

                @@@@     _{ ' }_
       .oOOo.   @@()@@   { `.!.` }
       OO()OO    @@@@  _ ',_/Y\_,'
       'OOOO',,,(\|/ _(_)_ {_,_}
        _ \/{{}}}\| (_)@(_)  |  ,,,
      _(_)_| ~Y~ wWWWw(_)\ (\| {{{}}
     (_)#(_) \|  (___)   |  \| /~Y~
     \/(_) |/ |/ \\Y // \|/  |//\|/
     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Subject: VTs Color Garden
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 02:24 PM

VT, that is GORGEOUS! As of today I am tagging your artposts by changing my subject line (same trick used when a lyric is added in a thread but the poster has not followed form).

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 03:59 PM

Sometimes I find that counting backwards from 100,000 makes the time go faster or me fall asleep...100,000; 99,999; 99,998;99,997...

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: gnu
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 04:12 PM

As in maeve's thread, a lot of peeps are walking anongside. Keep the faith, everyone.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 04:17 PM

Still here.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Bobert
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 04:19 PM

Well, I been on a roll with the Big Guy of late so I asked Him to bring you a basket full of peace...

But until He delivers, warm thoughts and prayers from yer hillbilly gardening buddy...

(((hugs)))

Bobert

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 04:46 PM

Not telling tales (since she posted from the surg trip about where she had gone), but here's some "local" travel-time guidance for you waiting Catters.

Assuming her appt ran on time, and that they zoomed there, and zoomed right back, it's still a tad early to BOLO Michelle. Just please, hold those strong thoughts, and post them here for her return.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Janie
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 06:14 PM

also still here....

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 06:16 PM

We are home (got here about 30 minutes ago).

Well, here's the news:

I have to have 3 to 6 rounds of chemotherapy.

I have to have a port (outpatient surgery required).

I will definitely lose my hair.

Ok. But the BIG news is that the ovarian cancer was in Stage 1 which means my prognosis is EXCELLENT. That's what the Dr. said.

So. I'll be having a consultation with the chemo Dr. soon. The actual chemo will start in 3 to 4 weeks depending on how my incision is healing. I do have an infection in my incision but he said it was superficial and wasn't worried about it...said things looked good.

It's the absolute best that I could have hoped for (ok...could do without having to have a port and losing my hair) and I am feeling peaceful about it.

Thank you for the many, many prayers and good thoughts...I don't know how to tell you how it helps, but it does...so thank you.

Also, my handsome husband with the long, dark ponytail said he will shave his head when I shave mine. A friend from high school has a local salon and she and I have had this conversation already....I'm getting mine taken off before it gets scraggly. It's not going to be pretty but it means I get to live my life free of cancer and that's worth the world to me.

My job is to continue to take it easy and heal. I'm off to my recliner.

Love to all of you,

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 06:30 PM

Wonderful, Michelle! Now you can focus on health and joy...plenty of both waiting for you.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: gnu
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 06:32 PM

GOOD OH! Keep the faith!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:10 PM

Michelle, that is good news! And though the port sounds like a clunky process, it actually makes the chemo a lot easier. My boss's wife had a port. Did they tell you where they would place it?

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:12 PM

GOOD JOB MICHELLE!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:15 PM

Hey, what did they say about the uterine cancer?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:15 PM

Great news Michelle. I am so glad for you.

Dr Jacqui says take it VERY easy for now - you will need to build up your energy for the chemo treatment.

What a wonderful husband you have - you can have a race growing your hair back!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:19 PM

WHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Finally,some good news.
Well done!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:25 PM

HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF.

Love, love, love.



(watch your mailbox...)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Bobert
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:25 PM

Well, Stage 1 is ceratinly the best news that we could have gotten...

As to the hair??? Two things... First, it will grow back and second, bald women are sexy...

The port thing??? Just details... Beats having to get stuck, stuck and restuck... Especially when the viens aren't cooperatin'... A little out patient procedure and then yer good to go...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Leadfingers
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:29 PM

GOOD OH !!!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 07:34 PM

Oh and ask Ed about port care-- he went thru that at least once with Edith, maybe twice. But don't listen to him if he tells you it was the cancer that took her-- it was NOT; he's still learning how to deal with her loss/dementia and she'd been to the cancer doc just weeks before she passed-- was certified to be still in good remission.

Isn't THAT a trip-- lymphoma is incurable, but she OUTLIVED IT in EVERY WAYS.

(And no, worrywarts, I am not breaking confidentiality-- everyone knows ALL of Ed's business and besides, I'm careful with that stuff.)

Ed would also want (and so would Edith) for me to tell you that she made her best, lifelong friends and fellow-survivors in chemo. That is likely to be your VERY BEST support group, so please be sure to lead the give and take when you go, do not forget to take as much as you give, and carry a pile of cards with contact info so it's easy to stay in touch. And your shawl(s). Chemo can be COLD.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 08:08 PM

About the uterine cancer....that was very well contained and the surgeon called it a "ho-hum" cancer. The ovarian cancer was not only a surprise but had a nodule on it which caused concern. The surgeon said one cancer did not metastisize, I had two separate cancers.

The port is going on my chest just below the collar bone. They said that I will not feel the port going in but I have to be somewhat awake as I have to move my head and neck (so they can put a catheter in a vein in my neck....creeps me out).

Also, I might have to do the first chemo treatment without the port depending on the timeline.

I know the port is a good thing but I still don't like the idea of it. Whatever. I AM GOING TO BE HEALTHY!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Janie
Date: 03 Feb 10 - 08:45 PM

That is all very good news indeed, Michelle.

I think you will likely find the reality of the port to be "small potatoes."

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 04:51 AM

lots of good news & advice here.

sending more hugs & good wishes

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: kendall
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 07:24 AM

You are going to be ok. Remember, "Steel is tempered by fire, and mankind by adversity." (Seneca)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 08:01 AM

Kendall threw Seneca at me too, Michelle. He is correct. We are all going to be the most tempered folks imaginable after our current challenges fade away into memory!

m

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 09:10 AM

Hey, where do you want your wing chair? Kids' seating or elsewhere?

Believed it or not the sound is pretty OK even back where it now sits-- that's one reason it sits there-- but wherever you want it we can set a chair by it for Bonnie (or whoever you choose). We also have a parish wheelchair. Yes I know you do not need a wheelchair!!! But it has a really comfy seat and is smaller-- a better fit for an aisle placement.

Do you know the Obourn twins (Jean Z and Joan L), who come almost every Saturday night? Their granddaughter/grandniece Heidi often comes with them-- athletic-looking blond preteen with a thick ole shock of hair and a WAY outgoing personality. One of her ministries is to sit with folks. She sat with Joanne N. while Lew was away recovering from HIS chemo... she's quite the snuggler and whisperer... BOLO for her.

I am told that some chemo's knock down the immune system more than others-- Lew had to stay away for a LONG time to be sure he didn't get any nasties (he was pretty fragile in general). Do you have an MP3 player? It's very easy now to record that service-- let me know, OK?

Are you and Pete looking into henna tattooing (temporaries) if you both go Kojak? (I bet you can henna each other.)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 09:11 AM

How wonderful to hear a doctor refer to a cancer as "ho-hum". Some of it really is routine stuff.
You are going to be fine, Lily.
You must be so relieved.
I know I am.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Cuilionn
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 10:42 AM

Courage and Bold Healing Blessings to you!

If you're going the smooth, shiny head route, you have lots of decorative options. Susan's already suggested henna... A woman in our church acquired a fantastic assortment of headscarves while she was (successfully) fighting breast cancer, and she wore them with such aplomb that us hair-encumbered women felt secretly jealous!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 01:49 PM

Love, love, love- I'm loving what all these good folks are saying, and of course, I'm still pouring love your way, as well!


I'm glad Cuilionn popped the question- I love to knit hats, so if you want one I'll send you an assortment of pattern ideas to choose from!

Allison

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 01:58 PM

I AM GOING TO BE HEALTHY!!!!!

Yes indeed!!!

something to consider - turning one of the side effects of your treatment into a gift....


Locks of Love

You and your Peter might do this and every time you look at each other or in the mirror remember the gift you have given to children.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 03:25 PM

That's an excellent suggestion, VTam. My daughter has done that several times. It's a good feeling.

Glad to hear your news, Michelle. Congratulations for making it through all of this and for your positive attitude now.

kat

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 09:01 PM

Today I woke up and for the first time since early December, I felt secure, safe and happy. The bubble of fear that has been sitting inside me is gone....and I hope it's gone FOREVER. Today is also the first time since early December that I haven't cried. I am so very thankful for that!

Susan, about the chair, in front of the chapel would be great!! And depending how my chemo goes, I may have to stay away to protect myself from any infection (as you know my immune system will be low). I do have an iPod and it would be great to be able to still listen to the service.

And chemo caps? Yep...I'm going to need some!!!!

I remain overwhelmed with the kindness of all of you. <3

Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 09:04 PM

And so the strong woman rejoices!

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 10:27 PM

Good for you, Michelle!

Moonglow donated a big chunk of hair to Locks of Love several years ago.

Busy day, got some stuff done, but I've been very tired. I'm convinced it is allergies, a reaction to the mountain cedar (a native juniper).

One of the things I did today was get to the Half Price Books near work and I found the (now belated gifts) books I was looking for.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Feb 10 - 10:28 PM

Oops-- that was more productivity stuff than get well stuff. Michelle, we're looking forward to you being back on the de-clutter list so we don't do these list faux pax!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 08:13 AM

For years I've been a "hair factory"- chopped off 10 inches every other year or so (yeah, if I've got the ability, might as well!). Now, my DH LOVES it the longer it gets, so I'm on hold for now. But in another year or so, 10 inches will still leave me with long tressees, and the factory will start up again!

Michelle, PM coming. I'm finishing up a sweater for Afghans for Afghans but it'll be done in another week or so and I'll fire up the needles!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 08:32 AM

Great news Michelle. Glad the bubble of fear is starting to lift.

Here's to full healing.

(hugs)

Khatt xxx

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 08:51 AM

Amazing how you can actually be looking forward to or at least planning for chemo. It is good to see you happy, Lily. You have earned it.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 12:47 PM

got nothin to offer here but a huge grin

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Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 01:13 PM

:) Thanks Tam!!!

I just got off the phone with the local American Cancer Society and they are going to send me some wigs to try and to take to a Look Good Feel Better program later this month. The woman who runs it is a beautician and she will be able to trim the wig to fit my face or whatever. They are also sending me some turbans for sleeping in (as many people get cold not being used to having no hair).

I know it's stupid but this really bothers me. I KNOW it's a very VERY small price to pay in turn for wiping out any residual cancer cells. But I watched a video about the woman from Good Morning America who lost her hair during chemo for breast cancer and it just breaks my heart. I know it's superficial and my hair will grow back but it makes me so sad. :(

On that same video, they talked about women who refused chemo in order to keep their hair. I think that's ridiculous....and I will do the chemo with my chin up as best I can...but right now, I feel almost like I'm in mourning.

I wrapped up my hair last night to try and get an idea of what I will look like.

It's NOT pretty.

AT ALL.

*sigh*

I AM GOING TO BE HEALTHY....SCREW THE HAIR.

*sniff*

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 01:24 PM

I wish there were something to say to make you feel better about the hair loss. I have no experience with it.
Many years ago I had the bright idea to permanent my waist length hair. I ended up with an enormous afro. A carful of young Hispanic men pulled up next to me on the street attempting to pick me up until they saw that I was too damn old.
Next day I cut it all off - less than an inch long - and wore hats until it grew in. Most people assumed I had lost my hair to chemo but I had lost it to chemicals. LOL
The hats looked great. I can't usually wear them but hairless they looked great.
Play with turbans and scarves and baseball caps and whatever appeals. Have fun with it. It won't bring your hair back but will make the loss a little more bearable.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 01:43 PM

Once you have the wig and some fetching little hats I think being hairless for a while won't be a problem.

Rather than looking at the same old hair, day after day, you will have a selection of headgear to choose from for today's 'look'.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 01:47 PM

heya babe...

I had self-induced alopecia (bald spots) in my mid 20's. So stressed I had picked up a habit of pulling out one hair at a time, twisting it around 2 fingers and cracking the twining with my thumb. It was an OCD thing. Did this for about a year.

It was pretty long at the time and so at first I could hide spots by combing over to one side and putting in side braid. This worked until I started attacking the hairline at my temples.

I got really creative about hiding the damage, using different hair styles and eye catching scrunchies, barrettes and combs. Distraction from the damage was key. I also wore hats. I had a couple of ball caps and a straw fedora. So I guess the same can be done with hair pieces.

I ended up, cutting my hair boy short when the bald places had grown back to about 2 inches. After that I kept it short for the next 10 or 12 years. Which stopped me pulling it out. Nothing to get hold of.

Would you consider cutting it very short now to help you get accustomed to having less hair? Another plus to doing this is that the less volume you have going into chemo, the less alarming seeing that fallen hair may be.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 02:00 PM

This is JUST FOR LILYFESTRE, and only because I know her fairly well IRL.

Michelle, here's a thought about a process I have used, have helped others use, and can heartily endorse.

In brief, I call it "prevenient grieving." Prevenient GRACE is a concept Hardi can fill you in on, in classical theology.

P-grieving as I have experienced it is related, and it's basically doing exactly what you are already doing, BUT with one key difference. I stumbled upon this by accident when I pre-mourned a breakup I knew was coming? (I KNEW it NEEDED to happen but I was afraid of the loneliness?) As I anticipated dumping this one guy, I just cried and cried. But when I actually got the courage to break up with him, I was able to do it "softly," really wished him the best, took responsibility for my own end of the problems, and felt FINE!

So I started using it in peer counseling, and other folks had the same experience, when I combined it with another powerful peer-counseling technique of only looking at the upside of an issue. Looking SO FAR UP that tears and laughter MUST bust out. Loud, active weeping with a big ole grin on the face. With laughter punctuating the heaviness.

And you can do this "hair-mourning" (adding prayer as Hardi suggests?) without a peer/partner!!! With your mirror! You can slick back the hair so it "disappears" and use your mirror to look at it while shouting the triumphant "triple exclamation points" that go with overcoming the cancer. "Hey, cancer, I'm throwing my HAIR at you, and it's powerful hair, so LOOK OUT, cuz yer GONE, baby, GONE GONE GONE!"

Get the idea?

By the time you lose some hair-- do this before the haircut if you can-- the sadness will be gone and the peace will remain.

THE PEACE CAN REMAIN.


Maxine (of cartoon fame) has one item I really like, too, and you can stealk it from her.

Live every day as if Satan shakes when he hears your feet hit the floor. "Oh no! She's awake!"

Well heck, "cancer" can go into any prayer that emotions "the enemy." I bet the BCP is full of them, and it's online, searchable.

===

You see, I don't think strngth equates to efforts to avoid, ignore, or deny ANY feelings that go with all this. I think you just need to put your best self in the driver's seat to meet them head-on. Instead of working hard against inner drives to make yourself feel better in short spells, you can claim peace as a permanent companion, both secularly and spiritually.

(What if cancer is just a mere tool you can use to build that very nice life you and Pete are working on?)

~Susan
cc: Hardi

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: gnu
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 02:14 PM

Glad to hear you are in better spirits. Keep the faith.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 03:03 PM

Damn! Jacqui and I saw an amazing hat at a yard sale. It had dredlocks attached. I wanted to buy it. She made me put it down. "Put it DOOOOWWWNNNN, Mary" she said. And I said "But maybe someone will have chemo and need it" "Put it DOOOWWWNNNNN, Mary" she said. And I did.
Now look - it could have been your reggae night hat. Maybe next yard sale season - but hopefully you won't need it by then...

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 03:09 PM

LF, what hat sizes do you and Pete wear?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 04:30 PM

Okay, this chapter is on it's way out...

Time to start planning the spring veggie garden!!!

B~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 04:36 PM

I bet Jacqui could figure this one out:
http://cgi.ebay.com/Black-Knit-Chemo-Cancer-Hat-Headdress_W0QQitemZ180458691195QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item2a

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 05:03 PM

If you cut it off in stages, have some fun and dye it some colour you've always wanted to try..bright red, purple, green, you name it..even do stripes!

Some women find they actually feel free-er and more alive and that, as one website said, "I can LIVE with bald." (They were talking about how sad it is that some women don't get treatment because they don't want to lose their hair.)

Melissa Etheridge is one of them. There are some good quotes in her narrative below her picture. On the left, there are other names to click on to see them in all their "glory."

kat

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 06:15 PM

Michelle, I can almost sit on my hair, & had decided that if I needed chemo after my op. last year, I'd get it cut off above the usual 4 elastics so I could keep my very loooong pony tail!

Then I'd spend another 10 years growing it back.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 09:04 PM

Folks, remember upthread (or in another of these proliferating threads), Michelle already SAID what she planned to do about haircuts. Guess what-- she'll figure it out! :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Feb 10 - 09:18 PM

Well, I'll just throw this into the mix...

Fortunately, our Michelle is gonna survive this but...

...when my Judy, who died in 1996 of inflamatory breast cancer had to go thru chemo she lost her hair but...

...hey, that didn't stop her.... She did one of them glamour pic sessions (sans the hair) and I swear that she never looked better... And she was one of them Chez women with long very black hair before but she looked gorgeous!!!

That's all I'm gonna say about hair, or lack there of...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 11:15 AM

I spent an hour this morning lying awake in my bed, playing with my hair because I can. :)

My hair isn't long enough for Locks of Love so what I'm going to do is have my hair stylist put about 10-15 little pony tails in my hair and clip them at the point closest to my head. I'm going to keep the pony tails so I can feel my own hair whenever I want...it's a comfort thing for me. My stylist will shave the rest off. I'm planning on doing this after the first chemo treatment. They say it starts to come out about 2 weeks after treatment (with the 2 drug combo that I will be getting)....so....it won't be long.

******************************************************************

Pete just walked in the door with the mail. Two packages from the American Cancer Society. They sent me 3 wigs and 3 hats that are really soft and vary in thickness.

*big breath*

This is harder than I thought.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 11:23 AM

We're with you Michelle.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 11:57 AM

Michelle, it IS harder than we think, isn't it..... when our own troubles hit? But this is also the kind of time when you find out how strong you really are. I promise you-- the strength is in there. How do I know this? :~) From your stories of the women who raised you. DANG, there is some strong women there, in that lineage-- it's just your time to come into your own, in the strength department. Trust me, they put it in there! :~)

~Susan
cc: Hardi

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 12:19 PM

It's not that it's harder because it's *MY* problem....I think it must be hard for everyone.
I met the author of Eco-Village (written by a woman who lives at the Eco-Village in Ithaca and helped to get it started) and she talked about community and the strength of the women in particular. There was one woman who was diagnosed with cancer and she was not going to get better. She still did all the treatments necessary to prolong her life, including chemo. I don't recall if she did this before or after her treatments started, but the entire village came together while this woman sat on the ground, on a tapestry cloth, and had her head shaved with all the people surrounding her....she didn't cry but kinda of embraced it.

I don't know why I remember that (as I don't remember much else of what she said) but it has stuck with me.

And yes, I do come from a family of VERY STRONG women on both sides. They all earned their strength in their own ways, as we all do. What can I say? Because they are strong I am too? I don't know that it works that way. I'm doing my best. I don't feel strong at all. I feel clingy, scared, sometimes confident and not myself at all.

I did not try on the wigs. Opening the boxes to look at each wig felt like I was opening a coffin of a dead animal. I did try on the hats. All I can tell you is that it's NOT pretty.

SCREW THE HAIR!! I AM GOING TO BE HEALTHY! I AM GOING TO BE CANCER FREE and if I have to sob every fucking time I look at the wigs, then so be it. I AM GOING TO BE HEALTHY AND CANCER FREE!

And *THAT* is what I have to keep telling myself and keep my focus on.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 12:36 PM

Maybe the wigs aren't for you especially if you feel you have a dead animal on your head - sorry but that made me laugh.

I don't come from strong stock. Most of the women in my family drink themselves into an early grave when things get tough. So - as I mentioned before - I throw things to get past anger, frustration, sorrow, loss. Do whatever works for you and results in a healthy future.

Moderated sobbing is good. Don't know exactly how you can screw your hair - but whatever works, girl, go for it.

As Jacqui said, we are all here with you.
And, Bobert, everyone once in a while you bring a tear to my eye. That was beautiful.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 01:41 PM

Good for you, Michelle. I would only make one suggestion: try saying it in the present tense, i.e. "I AM healthy and cancer-free!" That way it is in the here and now which helps it to become so in your mind and body.:-)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 03:36 PM

LF,

Because they are strong I am too? I don't know that it works that way. I'm doing my best. I don't feel strong at all. I feel clingy, scared, sometimes confident and not myself at all.

Yes, THAT is what I meant to convey, not that it's harder because it's you. Just that this is the stuff that lets us know how strong we need to be, and that-- itself-- is a huge motivator for reaching deeper to where the strength is already right there. I would bet that your antecednets found their strengths exactly the same way, and that by the time you came along they were living it and modeling it. Not all of our best mentors do it in words... (which becomes apparent when their young fly out of the nest, discarding whatever words did not work for them, and keeping instead the stuff that DID work).

BTW the all-caps part of your post looked exactly like that, to me. I think they did teach you well, whether it was in words-- or in just loving you exactly as you were.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 04:03 PM

Son went to ER this morning, might be appendicitis. Surgeon wanted to operate today, but we've seen these symptoms over the years, might be migraine, might be constipation. We'll wait 24 hours, he said a wait of a couple of days would be okay, but if he doesn't feel completely better by tomorrow, we'll take him back.

I started a different thread so those of us with passing ailments of a shorter duration can hash it out. And if Michelle wants to use that as limbo, between the big surgery and before the chemo, that would be good also. Report on the recovery as it is now.

I have a co-worker who bought a fuscia pink wig and a dayglo blue wig. Kind of the straight hair style that Ann Jillian wore. She looks cute.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Feb 10 - 05:23 PM

LF, your chair and the recorded service will be all set.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 10:44 AM

Thanks Susan....the chair was perfect and MUCH more comfortable...thank you!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 10 - 01:31 PM

:~) It's too bad more people don't know how comfy church can be. Heck, I've been known to doze off during a service, in that chair. I recommend it! It came BTW from Louise Brown's house. There's a little game on at church about her china cat. Sssssh! So far, none of the other folks who move her to new sleeping spots know who any of the others are!

When I asked James to move it last night, it turned out that the new sexton had already moved it at Fr. Cootiesniffer's request, for you. You'll see a side table and chairside hymnals/BCPs over there soon. Karen C made the kid-print lap-robe years ago, for nursing moms who come to church, but it's also a cozy (if dirty) leg cover.

Feel free to add an afghan or anything you want in there. Don't forget to play with the toys, either! :~) The large basket in there also has great all-new activity bags-- remember that young boy you saw a few times in the summer services? That's Frank. He and his mom redid that whole basket all by themselves, when we noticed kids and kids and kids had dumped all the other contents loose in the basket and lots of pieces were missing. I told your mom the rest of that area's story.

Last night's volunteer solicitation went well-- a snowbird-newsletter-lady stepped up after the service. The other-Bonnie/wedding ring lady.) Please, don't forget you can shed any volunteer job, any time. (That's always true around the whole parish.)

Thanks also for that song request. It meant a lot to us, plus it WORKED!

~S~
(Hardi going away, he will see this later)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 09:47 AM

My incision is almost looking human! I think that in another week or 2 it will be completely healed over on the outside. So far, I'd say 80% of it is closed....have a couple little pesky spots that are taking their own sweet time....but it's coming!!!!

I wish the surgeons would have drawn a map on the outside of my body from where things were removed because I have these little pains on my left side almost every morning. I think it might be from where the giant cyst was...and maybe the inside is still healing too. I don't know.

Other than that, I'm feeling good. Tomorrow morning I have a consultation with my new chemotherapy Dr. I'm making a list of questions to take. One that I really want to know..and maybe someone here can tell me (if you've been through chemo).....does it hurt while the infusion is going in? After you are all hooked up and just letting the meds drip in, are you in any pain?

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 10:07 AM

Lily - is it time to start a new thread dealing specifically with chemo? You will have a better chance of getting an answer to your questions.
You have come such a long way since this thread began.
Your call.
M

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 10:25 AM

If you think it's appropriate, it's fine with me! This thread has helped me a LOT....sometimes I just sit and reread it over and over. It's been a good thing and I appreciate you doing this so much.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 10:37 AM

That sounds like a great idea.

LF, Hardi does get some updates from these threads (especially when I request that he review my messaging, but also anytime at his discretion). So I will make sure he gets the link to the new thread in his email, but pls continue to assume that his more-timely awareness continues to come from your phone calls and Weds. visits. OK?

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 03:20 PM

Susan,

That's fine. I email him when I need to or go see him. I know he's a busy guy and in no way do I expect him to follow everything I write here.

I'm feeling pretty good today. I went to my appointment, took my car to get fixed, stopped to take care of a bill and dropped off some prescriptions.

Now it's time to relax. :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 03:30 PM

Yeh I though you knew that, but I wanted to be sure we didn't get lines tangled up. (This form of multi-level communication is a bit new for us.)

Sounds like a great day-- because each day sounds like a tad more is do-able, and that you are also being really good to yourself with resting when needed.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 03:50 PM

Michelle - my daughter's mother in law went through chemo - I've emailed her to see if she had a port and if she can give any info or advice.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 03:59 PM

Thanks Jacqui!!!!!

    That's what I am most worried about now...especially because they put a catheter in a neck vein....totally creeps me out...and the fact that I have to be somewhat awake while they do the procedure (a word I am beginning to HATE)....make a pocket of skin in my chest and stick some plastic in a neck vein.....does NOT sound like fun to me.

On a completely different note, I just found out that in Williamsport, there is a wig bank with over 200 free (new) wigs for cancer patients. Mom and I will be stopping there tomorrow on our way home from the consultation with the chemo Dr.

Hm. I'm gonna have to get over the dead animal thing or tomorrow is going to be a nightmare!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 04:07 PM

There may a few laffs in the following. Or who knows, YMMV....

Sleeping animals? Just need warm skin to wake them up? (Like a kitteh purrs on the radiator?) Becuz as soon as you move they will move too, lively-looking like hair moves as we move? Portable immortal pets, snuggling? Choose one by feel instead of by look? Put it on with eyes closed till it's on?

There are a zillion potential different ways to look at them..... (Pick one for Pete and try it on to be sure it will fit him?)

I know you will find a way to make this fun..... I promise not to bug you about the annual March ladies' guild event..... (I KNOW you will look MUCH BETTER than Fr. C-S looked that day?)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 04:18 PM

Be realistic, Lily. Donald Trump looks like something fell out of the sky and landed on his head. Not a good look.

Was that helpful?

Should I head to the CELLAR!?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:17 PM

LOL. You guys crack me up, THANK YOU!

Donald Trump....yeah...it DOES look like something fell out of the sky and landed on his head!!!

And for Father CootieSniffer, he looked like he was having FUN in his wig.

I've been thinking about the wigs....maybe I will go without one....maybe I'll find a new color I've never tried....maybe I'll go for something like what I have now....I'm liking the caps...they look warm and soft.

Speaking of chemo caps, when the box of stuff came the other day and I opened it and burst into tears, Pete was home. He almost immediately put on one of the caps...a white one with black polka dots and a giant sunflower....I couldn't help but laugh. Maybe I'll try some of the wigs on (that we already have here) tonight.....if he will too.

Still..I kinda have this aversion to touching them.

Freaks me out. Kinda like having to touch a worm or something.

Anyway, I'm sure Mom and I will make the best of it and try to find some laughter in the wigs.

Also? I talked with someone who has been through chemo and she said the actual drip time is pain free. That is good news!   YAY!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:32 PM

Oh I get it-- you wanna wear HIS wig-- Fr C-S's. We can do that! (I have no idea where it is, don't worry.)

Practice skull-art with hubby, with clown paint? But then ya gotta have those big floppy clown ruffs to go with..... :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 06:08 PM

Maybe it would help to know many wigs for cancer patients are made of real hair donated by folks who really care? Then it can be stroking someone else's hair, braiding it for them, pinning it up, etc.?

Bald can be beautiful: Click.

Also, I have been reading blogs and such about baldness in women. Several of them recommend using some makeup to accentuate your facial features. It draws the eye to your face. And, also wear earrings, dangly ones. One person found chemo caps to which they glued bangs (fringe in the UK) so it looks as though you have your hair tucked up.

The main thing the baldness says is you have chosen to FIGHT and DESTROY the cancer cells...your bald head is a symbol of you choosing LIFE. And, that's a GOOd thing!:-)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 07:13 PM

When SINSULL and I get together and go shopping it can be a riot. We've nearly been thrown out of a number of shops because we have far too much fun trying on hats.

I hope that when you and your Mom get to see the wigs you can maybe have a bit of fun with them. Pictures would be good!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Bobert
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 07:19 PM

No wigs!!!

Bald women are hot!!!

B~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 07:45 PM

If I am going to be bald, I want to look like Melissa Etheridge when she played at the Grammy's with Joss Stone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_j3TDhc8vY


She comes in half way through...well worth watching...and Bobert...she is bald and HOT! Agreed!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 11:28 PM

Ah, I love Melissa!! That was an awesome performance and she looks beautiful. Good role model for what you are going through! Thanks for the link.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 08:01 AM

Michelle-me-love, laugh if you can but DON'T feel you have to wear the wigs if it keeps (forgive me) wiggin' you out. You don't have to wear anything you don't want to (except the port- which you are bravely choosing to wear, and lady, you are gonna be stylin' in that!).

Scarfs, caps, or nothing at all - you are a beautiful woman and nothing can change that!

But yes, laugh as much as you can!



(as I've been typing, Joss and Melissa have been serenading me from your link- keep that kind of energy flowing, dear!)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 08:10 AM

I moved on to Joplin herself. Wasn't she a wonder?
Sorry for the thread drift but it's been years since I listened to Take Another Little Piece Of My Heart.

Just a thought: my neighbor in NYC had Hodgkins Disease and was treated with chemo. She had wigs and hats at the ready but never lost her hair. Maybe...

Then again, every hair represents a cancer cell on its way to perdition. So fall away.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Rowan
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 04:49 PM

I've sent you a PM on PortaCath-delivered chemo, Michelle.

All the best!

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 07:14 PM

My consultation went fine. My chemo Dr. informs me that I have Stage 2A ovarian cancer. My surgeon says Stage 1. Either way, my prognosis is GOOD. I asked a million questions, got to feel how a port will feel (and look) by a model and then what the port actually looks like before they put it in. I had a tour of the treatment rooms and some blood work.

I was in tears in the waiting room, just not wanting to be there, having a hard time believing that I NEED to be there....and this woman who was sitting not too far away asked me if it was my first time there. I said it was. She said she was there for her second treatment. She asked me what stage I was and I told her....she told me she is stage 4.....spread all over her body....she has 6 children. Her husband was with her and she was so calm...almost like she was talking about the weather. I asked her if she had a port and she came over and showed it to me. We started to talk and she was called in for her treatment. Her husband lingered and told me she'd have to do these treatments for the rest of her life. I can't begin to tell you the heartbreak I felt for this family. I don't know her, never saw her before today....but well...I don't know the words to convey the sadness. When I went on my tour of the treatment rooms, she was sitting in a recliner, typing away on her laptop (they have wireless), she smiled and waved to me. I wanted to hug her. Her name is Kristi and I will be looking for her when I go for my first treatment next Tuesday.

My first treatment will be sans the port. That gets put in about 9 days after the treatment...it goes according to when the white blood cell count falls and then starts to increase...they'll put the port in when my numbers are higher.

I am happy to report that I can take one person (at a time) into the treatment room with me. We can play cards, talk, watch tv, eat, whatever...but I do NOT have to be alone. I am blessed to have family to go but also friends who have volunteered to drive me (it's a 3 hour round trip), and to sit with me during my 5 hour infusion.

My mom went with me today and we stopped at the American Cancer Society on the way home to see about a wig. Not only did they give me a wig free of charge but also 2 overstuffed bags of hats/caps/scarves and sleeping caps. I did try on wigs today....cried and laughed too. It got easier after the first few. I think I'm going to be a cap person. I don't like the wig. And like Jacqui pointed out, I don't have to wear a wig!!

Now that I know the chemo start date, I am waiting on my hair dresser....hoping she can get me in the day after my first treatment. This disease has given me so few choices...but *I* will say when my hair comes out....NOT cancer or the chemo.

It's cold and snowing here so I'm making comfort food for dinner.....waffles and sausage.

I'm sleepy and love you all.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 07:19 PM

You are so incredibly strong, Michelle. Thank you for posting about your first visit.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 07:55 AM

I'm with Mary. Love flowing you-wards!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 08:18 AM

One step closer to a full recovery. GOOD!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 08:20 AM

Michelle, you do not surprise me, but you impress me, so much.

I'm glad you met Kristi.

I have a video item saved on my DVR-- I had planned to copy it to VHS but ydy the ()*(&* VCR ate a tape of Ed's so now....

If I cannot copy the item (I think you will want to see it), or find an online view-whole-episode link, I'll shoot clips on my camera, and put them on a flash key for you. So watch your snail-mail next week-- not good items to leave sitting cold, by the road.

Hardi will want to hear all about this, and not filtered by me or by cc. As you know he's had some conference time, away, this week. Saturday after-service would be fine, if you don't make any other plan with him. I believe he may be in the office tomorrow, if I do not manage to kidnap him while he sleeps. Those Cootiesniffers can get so worn out! Especially "sweet" ones.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 08:41 AM

an amazing post about an amazing day

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 04:49 PM

GOOD NEWS!!!

My chemo Dr. called this afternoon to let me know the results of yesterday's bloodwork!

Prior to my surgery, my cancer antigen test (aka CA-125) result was over 500. Normal CA-125 is 35. As you can see, mine was ridiculously high. This is NOT used as a diagnostic tool, although sometimes it is an indicator of a malignancy...but more often it is used as a prognostic tool.

Anyway, today the Chemo Dr. called to tell me that my CA-125 is 34!!!!!! That is an amazing and dramatic change that indicates no cancer issues!!!!!!

Also, I've been quite anemic...number required for this test for surgery is 10. My last blood test before I left the hospital showed a result of 7.5. Since that time I've been taking some hefty amounts of prescribed iron pills. As of yesterday's test, my result is 12.5!!!!

All other bloodwork tests came back normal. This means I'm going into the chemo on Tuesday AS STRONG AS POSSIBLE!!!!!!

I told the Dr. that when I got off the phone I was going to do a happy dance and that I loved him!!! He giggled!!!! :)

THIS IS FANTASTIC NEWS!!!! YAHOO!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 04:52 PM

Dance away!

And keep your fiber intake up - iron supplements can be brutal.

All good news. Congratulations!
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 05:31 PM

WAHOO! Dancing with you!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 05:42 PM

That's wonderful, Michelle!! WOW!

Sins is right about the iron tabs and fiber. I was taking them but it was taking forever for them to take effect. My girlfriend told me to get some folic acid tabs and they would help immediately. I did and they did. I quit the iron tabs with the doc's permission. You might not want to do it right now, but keep it in mind. We all have/need folic acid as it is required for production of red blood cells.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Feb 10 - 07:19 PM

But of course you are as strong as you could be!

Rejoice, dance, and LEAN ON THAT.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 12:56 AM

joining the dancers!

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 02:01 AM

Congratulations, Michelle! Glad to hear the levels are where they need to be! And I concur about the iron--it can bind you up tight. Keep the roughage going through. I staggered the days I took it, figuring taking it every day meant I wasn't using that much anyway (extra goes through). And folic acid also is a big yes. It's a B vitamin, if you can't use all of it, it passes through (though without the constipation iron causes). Folic acid is inexpensive also.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 02:49 AM

What a wonderful way for me to face work today. With tears of joy and relief.

Holding you tight in my thoughts, Petal.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: jacqui.c
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 07:51 AM

What good news! That was a great way to start my day - I'm sitting here with the biggest grin on my face!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 08:24 AM

I just have to say that that phone call makes me see the world in a whole other way this morning!!!!!   WOO HOOOOO!!!!   I'm thinking of an adventure....ok..an easy on the body adventure....we'll see!!!!   YAY!!!!


GOOD MORNING WORLD!!!!!!!

XOXOXOXOOXOX

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 08:39 AM

Here's to LIFE!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 08:43 AM

Take it easy Lily. You'll pop a stitch. LOL So happy for you.
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 08:46 AM

Wonderful news, Michelle. I believe you have many more triumphs ahead.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Feb 10 - 10:09 PM

I decided to spend the day in Ithaca. I spent 2 hours poking around Kohl's. I was in search of an open neck shirt for easy access to the port for my treatments. I ended up with a scoop neck green shirt with 3/4 sleeves and several new plain, short sleeved shirts for later this spring...the price was right and so were the colors!!! I poked around the home goods section too and picked out some new place mats for springtime.

After the 2 hours, I had had plenty. I met Pete for lunch and spent the rest of the day at Barnes and Noble. I found 3 books with a positive spin on how to take care of yourself with the C diagnosis. Not overly medical in nature but rather how to tend to yourself from diagnosis to end of treatment.....all pointed in the direction of getting through. One of the books is called, There's No Place Like Hope. It's full of quotes and short paragraphs about dealing with this stuff from beginning to end of treatment...very upbeat and positive.

I also spent a decent amount of time in the music section listening to a wide range of CDs. :)

One of the books I read through but did not purchase, had a section on nutrition....which is of huge interest to me. I learned that sugar or any refined flour product not only increases my blood glucose levels (which I know) but that that kind of food increases cell production, including cancer cells. YIKES. I try to limit that kind of stuff anyway but that gives me the incentive to cut it out even more. I am NOT going to feed those cells if I can help it.

The phrase, DIE MOTHER F#@K^R DIE comes to mind. Not nice, but TRUE.

I had coffee today for the first time in over 2 months and I'm a little wound. I found out that coffee without sugar isn't half bad!!! (No time like the present to cut out all the sugar I can!)

Anyway, it was GORGEOUS outside today...bright blue skies, sunny and oh yeah, I had breakfast by Buttermilk Falls...completely frozen over except for one small opening where water was rushing underneath the ice.

It was good to be out!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Feb 10 - 01:24 AM

Sounds like a busy and full day, Michelle. And getting off of the sugar would be good for all of us!

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 12 Feb 10 - 09:17 AM

Yeah, I've been hearing about the sugar/cancer connection. Sucks, doesn't it?

Michelle, you are sounding happy and well and ALIVE- keep it up, honey!

(oops- no honey, either? I suppose in moderation...)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 Feb 10 - 11:24 AM

LF, re: Ithaca, sugar, and The phrase, DIE MOTHER F#@K^R DIE comes to mind. Not nice, but TRUE.

===

Ithaca:

1. Guitar Works still there? Isn't there a Moosewood Cafe in that building? If so I recall that it had good, healthy eats, not to mention Guitar Works as CD-heaven and they did a GREAT repair or two for us there (non-guitar) as well. Also good amps, priced fairly. (Maybe you already know all this.)

2. Anytime you want something from this place (tho I know Pete works nearby), just let us know to put it on our list: Oriental market with GREAT stuff, on the road into town, near the Tractor Supply, same side of road, across from Sallie's-- maybe you already know this-- much of their staff is bilingual.... store name coming to me.... Winli. Hard to spot it on the way in, easier to see it on the way out. The Red Cargo rice is superb and lo-glyc, as is the brown jasmine rice. Cheeeeep. A great jarred curry powder is there. All the ingred for making Miso Soup, incl a tofu that does not require refridg. till opened. (!!!)

===

Re: Saying "mean" things to cancer. Short version: There are so many ways in which that battle is just like spiritual warfare; any GOOD reference on spir. warfare (SF) will also work on cancer. One of the most powerful tools in SF is to proclaim the positive rather than engaging the negative AT ALL. This can be done in a number of ways (and is one way I pray for you). Hardi or I have good SF texts. His are Angl. classics, mine are ecumenical. I even know where MINE are. :~)

===

Hardi is minimally briefed to make time to hear your great news and will be back at office-sched-mode tomorrow.

===

As you know, Hardi has this thread's URL to check in at his discretion, but does not read my PMs, so thanks for keeping most of our "chats" in here these days. If a new "Chemo" thread starts, you might want to give him that URL.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Feb 10 - 08:42 PM

Well, like I said, it's not nice but it IS true. I am NOT going to feed the cancer cells if I can help it and I DO hope they all starve to death.

Today had been a roller coaster for me and I guess that is to be expected.

I had to stop a med that I was taking at night to help me relax so I could sleep (side effect of this med is that it possibly lower white blood cell count...can't have that going into chemo). I haven't slept more than 6 hours in the last 72 hours.
I am TIRED.

Maybe tonight I will be able to sleep.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Feb 10 - 08:55 PM

wishing you a peaceful rest

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 Feb 10 - 09:14 PM

LF,

I can promise you that anxiety and sleeplessness will run their course, and your body's rhythms will re-assert themselves. (Details tomorrow if wanted). Ride out the short sleep as best you can-- I promise, it gets better.

At Wegman's in COrning I saw a book on anti-cancer nutruition, "One Boite at a Time," intended for cancer pts and their friends. Did not have time to look inside it-- we were ona major low-su=gar recon mission.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 Feb 10 - 09:28 PM

One BITE at a time, described at Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/One-Bite-Time-Nourishing-Survivors/dp/1587612194

Descr. from earlier edition (it's also been revised):

Reviews
" Rebecca creates with the intention of nourishing people with cancer, survivors and their caregivers." -- Healing Lifestyles & Spa Magazine

"...Tantalizing recipes that should appeal to just about anybody with taste buds...plenty of useful information and interesting anecdotes." -- House Beautiful: Kitchen And Bath Magazine March,2005.

"A cookbook... with a difference. It educates the reader on how to cook in a healthful manner without sacrificing flavor." -- Knight Ridder/Tribune Book Review, March 07, 2005.

"A gem, especially if you in the diffcult position of caring for a relative or friend who is ill." -- The Baltimore Sun January 14, 2005.


Product Description
Through The Inner Cook, her San Francisco Bay Area practice, chef Rebecca Katz teaches creative culinary solutions to peple navigating the aftereffects of cancer treatments. For those whose appetites have been turned off by illness, Rebecca's ONE BITE AT A TIME is an instant turn-on to good, nourishing food. In this comprehensive cookbook, Rebecca shares delicious, immune-boosting recipes for people living with cancer, their caregivers, and the ever-growing number of cancer survivors.

ONE BITE AT A TIME features more than 85 simple-to-prepare, sumptuous recipes. From little nibbles to satisfying entrees Rebecca's flexible approach is designed for both the individual and the entire family to enjoy. Dishes such as Poached Coconut-Ginger Salmon, Spinach Orzo with Pine Nuts and Feta, Taxicab Yellow Tomato soup and Magic Mineral Broth reinvigorate the appetite with ingredients that help bolster the body's immune system.

To accompany the recipes, Rebecca offers down-to-earth information and helpful advice for those dealing with the culinary ups and downs often experienced during treatment. Learn what friends and family can do to best pitch in; discover easy substitutes for "forbidden" foods; look up "nutrition-at-a-glance" information for each recipe; and see how to wake up taste buds in any dish by using just a few basic staples from the pantry.

Rebecca's caring, humor-filled recipe notes will warm your heart and remind you that, along with a good meal, laughter can truly be the best medicine. Throughout the book's pages, Rebecca's clients attest to this fact, as they share anecdotes of the joyous impact these recipes have had on their lives.

At a time when you may feel that nothing is under your control, something as simple as creating a nutritious, healing dish for yourself or a loved one can be a reaffimation of your humanity and a tangible way to nurture someone you care about.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-
From: Rowan
Date: 12 Feb 10 - 10:03 PM

Good news, Michelle!

All the best, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 07:18 AM

...singing a Lily lullabye...

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 07:26 AM

Allison,

   That did the trick!!! I slept last night for almost 9 hours!!!! YAY!!!!!!!

I feel SO much better this morning!

*******************GROSS ALERT***************

My incision is healed in most places. I still have two small spots just inside the rim of my navel that are healing very slowly....I had antibiotics for them but they are still green....much smaller, but green. The surgeon says they are topical infections and not to worry. And then almost at the top of my incision, there is a spot that did not close and had developed a large, thick black scab. It's been itchy and last night it came off. It's healed underneath, almost 100%! YAY!

*****************************************************

Later Gators!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 07:46 AM

Oh...and more news. My insurance company will only pay 80% of the chemo treatments. ARG. Oh well. I'll be paying for this until I die. No way around it though so I can't worry about it. Better news....they will pay 100% of a "Hair prosthesis" up to $1500.00! That means I'll be able to get myself a nice wig, one fitted for ME, if I want. There's a wig shop near the hospital that I'm going to have to check out. Currently I have 4 wigs, only 1 of which I have tried on (the others were sent to me) and I don't think I'm going to be a wig girl....I'm pretty sure I'm going to be a cap girl!!! They are so much softer and cooler (or warmer depending on the cap) and they don't look like dead animals! YAY!

I also talked to my surgeon's head nurse who really doesn't do any nursing but rather fields questions and soothes nerves. We talked for 20 minutes yesterday. She thinks I 'm a hoot! I told her I found some henna tattoos for bald heads and I might just go ahead and do one...found one of leaves and flowers that I really like!!! Pete said he'd give me $20.00 if I'd do a henna tattoo on my head that says, "This end up!" LOL. It might just be worth it!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Bobert
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 08:27 AM

Michelle,

If you talk with the "finance department" at the hospital they can sometimes ***make deals***... Most hospitals have a certain percentage of cost that they finance person is allowed to write off... Of course, the formula is based on income and expenses so if ya'll are million-gazillionaires they probably won't do anythin for you but if yer laike alot of folks with mortgages, bills, etc, they just might help ya'll...

Doesn't hurt to ask...

Heck, I had a colonoscopy and just went in and asked if I could make payment on it and next think ya' know they knocked 25% of the charges off...

Glad yer feelin' better... But 2 hours in a department store worries me... It's a guy thing...*grin*...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 09:03 AM

One more thing....I've taken to asking bald men how to care for my scalp. Last night the local judge was at yoga and well, he hasn't got any hair...so I asked him what he did to take care of his scalp....shampoo? conditioner? He said he just uses soap, water and some moisturizer. And then he went on to tell me that his wife has had breast cancer twice and also lost her hair and I should call her. He gave me their home number and also told me she would be helping to run the next Look Good Feel Better Program and I should sign up. I'm already signed up...it's next week. Cool beans. It amazes me how many people have had cancer....why is it something that is hush hush? I don't know about you but talking with other people helps calm me down and feel better about the process. You can bet that I will talk with anyone, anywhere about my path when I am through this.

Michelle

PS. Anyone here take care of a bald head differently?

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 09:21 AM

Susan,

   Thanks for the information about the book. It so happens I have an article sitting on my table about cancer-fighting superfoods written by Rebecca Katz. Lots of good information there and I'll look for her cookbook the next time we are at Wegmans which may be later today or tomorrow.
   One of the things she said is that people who are going through chemo recover faster and have more energy when they increase their protein to 80 grams daily. She recommends using whey power (which is easily absorbed and won't add upset to the treatment) in smoothies made with frozen fruit and plain yogurt. I'm going to be adding that to my diet as soon as we get to the store.

   I've been to Guitar Works several times with Pete and the Moosewood is a great place to go...I LOVE the juice bar....best grapefruit juice EVER!!! And I do know about the Oriental market you are talking about....never stopped in but next time I'm in Ithaca I will. I appreciate the information.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 09:26 AM

Michelle- My husband's scalp was scorched in the fire. It's been wicked itchy; so he just shaved his head. He is using Bert's Bees Thoroughly Therapeutic Honey & Shea Butter Body Butter. Ingredients include honey, shea butter, mango butter, aloe, and Vitamin E.

I use it for dry skin, too. It's pricey for us, but was the first thing we bought for our comfort the week after the fire. We both like its effect on dry, irritated skin, and it smells pleasantly of honey.

Remember to use a good sunscreen and hat.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 09:59 AM

Maeve,

    OUCH. Can you ask him if he uses shampoo or conditioner in the shower? I like Burt's Bees stuff too...so I'll have to find some of that...I like that it's all natural and those products DO smell good!! Great idea! Thank you!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: maeve
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 10:39 AM

No, Michelle; he only uses very mild soap and avoids overly hot water.

http://www.burtsbees.com/
There is also a store locator link on the site.

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 10:42 AM

LF,

BaldING folks have tips too-- they usually go first for warmth because you will not believe how much heat loss your scalp can generate.

The good news-- you will be burning a boatload of calories due to that. Yep, a weight-loss furnace.

The bad news-- in warmer weather the sensation is kinda neat but in cold weather it's painful-- so you may go hats now, scarves for spring, henna or other art for summer (if chemo goes that long or for the use of others who may read this).

The other bad news-- sugar/insulin adj.

SLEEPING in hats-- oh yes, bedtime can be cooooollllld. Ya wanna loose hat that pulls way down, seams in the right places for your sleeping position; ya want a variety of weights and textures. "Sallies" is our "pilot" source to see what we are going to like enough to pay for retail versions.

===

The book-- I only saw one copy there.

===

In your travels if you see a yellow store bag like the boxy, reusable bags all the stores have-- later tonight you'll see why we've been looking for one or two. Color-coded songbook totes.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 10:52 AM

I agree with Bobert--talk to the hospital and see what kind of deal you can cut. The trouble with all of this insurance/no insurance health care is that no one really knows how much anything costs. The hospital gouges the insurance companies hoping to cover the uninsured they have on their books, and your 20% is of a gouged price, or that's my guess. The amount the insurance company actually pays the hospital is much lower than the hospital asked for, so you need to figure out what numbers are really in play and go from there.

Good luck. Getting well in this day and age means not only surviving the medical treatment but also walking the minefield of hospital billing departments. And bills seem to trickle in from all sorts of directions.

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's home, resting:-)
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 12:58 PM

We applied to both hospitals here with what is considered a fairly decent income and we get a 35% discount. Well worth talking to the financial dept.

Good to hear you are doing so well!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 04:19 PM

I like the new thread title. Already Traced so easy to Find.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: TheSilentOne
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 05:12 PM

just loving the constantly morphing title of this thread...

very good, very positive.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 08:12 PM

Lily, you sound positively euphoric! What a welcome sound! Keep it up, sweetie!

(my beloved baldy swears by conditioner...)

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 06:55 AM

oops! TheSilentOne post was from me... I was on desktop pc and Mudcat was his log in..

Doh!

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 08:38 AM

VT, I WAS wondering how he could be TSO if he warn't being S.

:~)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 08:56 AM

Having myself a mango smoothie for breakfast with the whey powder. It's not bad, not bad at all. :) Next time though, I need more mango!

As it turns out, we are supposed to get quite a bit of snow on Monday night. My first chemo appointment is early on Tuesday morning and the place is about 2 hours away. So...they have this place near the treatment center called The Care House. It's like the Ronald McDonald House but for adults who are undergoing cancer treatment. I called this morning to make reservations for Monday and Tuesday (as I'd like to be nearby for the first treatment in case I have any adverse reactions). First the hospital has to call The Care House to confirm that I am a patient. So now, I'm just waiting to hear if they have room. Bonus? It's only $15.00 a night. We have to make our own beds and change the linens when we leave. Big deal. There are no TVs in the rooms but there is a community room with a television if we want to watch tv. If not, we can read, or cook in the community kitchen. Anyway, I'm hoping it goes through so we don't have to drive these mountains in a snow storm.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 09:14 AM

LF,

When the CS and I plan these longer trips, we find Weather Underground (wunderground) invaluable. It has settings on the page where you can save your fav. cities to quickly see what weather they are having.

Thanks for showing me Jacqui's knitted caps last night. For a long time our dear Maeve was my best "window in" on the Mainers; the color variety/color/care taken/textures of the caps-- and especially the hatbox Jacqui had sent them all in-- was just as powerful. I knew that lady was special, of course-- but the abstract idea is seldom as powerful as the show and tell. So I thank you for sharing not only the gift from YOUR view, but for enlarging mine in a way that may benefit others as well (tho I am sure you didn't know that).

About the distances hereabouts, and the conversation last night about hats and books that "call" to me sometimes-- We sometimes pick up faraway items for others, and how we reduce the "clutter" about that is to call folks up while looking at items, to see if they are wanted. Is that something that would work for you? I think Hardi has your cell (maybe under Bonnie's name, LOL) on HIS cell and he usually carries it even on his day off (and I sometimes use it to field church stuff ON his day off sometimes so he GETS a real day off.)

About the word picture-- the photog. I'm looking fwd to you modeling your new look. ROLE modeling is what I was trying to suggest, because I think you will be equally gorgeous and graceful. People will see you and think, "Oh, that looks like a yoga person." (I know I will.)

Re: svc recordings. I found a spare cord finally, and that means I can slice up one we have that doesn't poke deep enough into the slot. If we can modify it-- and BTW I have a drawerful that need the mod-- I'll have a cord for you. In the meantime pls do not waste your $$ on one, because chances are it will not fit.

Go get 'em girl. And..... ya might wanna BOLO for the people that will be looking to you as their leader/mentor/comforter/ROLE MODEL..... :~) That teaching cert may kick in at any moment. :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 09:47 AM

Ok. I HAVE to ask. What is BOLO? Buy one lend one? LOL My grocery list often reads, BIG1F (buy 1 Get 1 Free).

Anyway, I can't make sense of it, help please!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 11:51 AM

Cop talk-- they issue BOLO's.

Be
On the
Look
Out

BOLO

OTOH a "bolo" is a South American throwing thing to catch cattle.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: Rowan
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 03:31 PM

OTOH a "bolo" is a South American throwing thing to catch cattle.
with strings attached.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 07:31 PM

Rowan, isn't the bolo the whole shebang, strings and balls and all?

(yikes, imagery)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 08:19 PM

It's also a kind of neckwear...

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 06:45 AM

I'm up early this morning, packing for a 2 night stay at the House of Care. Tomorrow morning I will have my first chemo treatment via IV.

I'm nervous about it. Scared really.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 07:39 AM

I will be here and thinking of you tomorrow Michelle.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 07:44 AM

Holding your hand and breathing with you, my dear....

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 08:29 AM

sending more love & good wishes

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 10:08 AM

If you can narrow the fear into a more specific thing, it's easier to know how to meet it.

One way is to name it and then laugh scornfully at the fear.

"I'm scared that xxxxxx. Ha Hah! HAH!, fear, I'm bigger'n you!"

Maxine: Wake every morning as if Satan says, when he hears your feet hit the floor, "Oh NO! She's AWAKE!"

I'll try to remember to print the cartoon where she sez that, for ya.

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 10:16 AM

Tuesday will be a busy day in Mudcatville with Kendall in Boston and Lily at chemo.   I believe I will take a nun or two to work to keep me focussed on what's important.
Good luck to both of you.
Much love,
Mary

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 10:44 AM

More directly, I am afraid that they will have trouble getting the IV in. I am afraid it will burn. I am afraid that I will be sick to my stomach for the next 6 months. I am afraid that it won't work. I'm afraid I'll cry and never stop just looking around the treatment room.

And that's just for this trip. Forget about the port procedure coming up soon.

Leaving soon.

Thank you and much love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 12:08 PM

Michelle,

Thank you for:

More directly, I am afraid that they will have trouble getting the IV in. I am afraid it will burn. I am afraid that I will be sick to my stomach for the next 6 months. I am afraid that it won't work. I'm afraid I'll cry and never stop just looking around the treatment room.

This is a good spot to share, now, with Hardi as well.

In the vein of my earlier post, I would say this: by the time you read this you will probably have experienced many of the following:

"I was afraid that they would have trouble getting the IV in, and the did, but I handled that well. I was afraid it would burn. It did but discovered that I could handle that quite well. I was afraid that I would be sick to my stomach for the next 6 months, but I realized that all I have to deal with is Today, and today I felt great and [insert the day's blessings]. I was afraid that it wouldn't work but then I realized how blessed I am and how much worse other folks have it. I'm was afraid I'd cry and never stop just looking around the treatment room, and then I remembered all the times Susan and other people have affirmed and welcomed my healing tears, which God sends me when I really need them, though the Holy Spirit which is also called the Comforter."

This is how I pray for you. I'm quite confident that any piece of it that is what you need to hear next, you will hear, and that you will shrug off the rest for a time it may or may not come back to you.

====

What does "lilyfestre" mean, BTW, and what does "Petal" mean?

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 12:23 PM

Oh no.. I am late in posting.

Well here waiting for your return and hoping all goes easy peasy for you.

Susan - Petal = part of a flower = different kind of term of endearment, like honey, baby, sweetie, sugah, angel.

Yes I wondered about Lilyfestre too

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 09:34 PM

Tonight I am at the House of Care which is mostly for cancer patients. There are no tv's in the rooms to encourage people to get OUT of their rooms and hang out in community areas like the kitchen, living room/library or one of the tv rooms.

There are some people here who have lost their hair and it bothers me to see them because I know that very soon, I am going to be one of them.

Lots of different people with various diagnosis and stories. Mom and I hung out in the kitchen area where there are several cafe style tables. We played some games, I learned a new one with Dominoes called Turkey Toes....fun! I also read in the living room for a bit and have now retired to our room.

By this time tomorrow, I will either be home or if it is still snowing, I'll be here....first treatment over with.

I am not looking forward to it.

In order to help assist with the IV issues, I've been drinking water like crazy....being dehydrated makes it all the harder to get an IV in.

And btw, I like Petal!!!!   :) Made me smile!

I'll explain LilyFestre another time. For now, I'm tucking into bed and going to try and focus enough to read.

I'm keeping a few things my priest told me in mind.....in particular, "Damn it, I WILL get through this!"

Love and hugs.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 12:27 AM

Susan & Tam - my sister (2 years younger) sometimes calls me Petal & I'd always assumed it was related to Pet - term used by older person to youngster! Our Nan used to call us Pet at times.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 08:24 AM

I'm off to my first chemo appointment...slept maybe 2 hours last night. ARG.

It's going to be ok.
It's going to be ok.
It's going to be ok.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: Revelations
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 08:30 AM

Between you and Kendall I slept about wo hours last night too. Mardi Gras, Lily. Fat Tuesday. Celebrate the first step towards total good health and a life.


Yeah - it sucks but that is the best I could come up with.
Love,
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 09:22 AM

No I didn't change my name. Someone has been playing on my computer at work. I am back to SINS.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 10:38 AM

It's Mardi Gras and I'm celebrating with a giant ass cocktail of taxol and carboplatin.....too bad it won't have the same effect as a Tom Collins!!!

   I'm in the chemo chair at the moment, lots of anti-nausea pills and steroids have been given. IV in at the first try and right now it's just running saline, taxol to begin in about 15 minutes or so. My nurse is really nice and has answered my bazillion questions.


More later.

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: maeve
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 10:50 AM

Thanks for checking in, Michelle. You are doing well!

maeve

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 11:58 AM

Alert: Heart-thawing song link inserted into the following informational post.

~S~

===


New Randy Owen single to benefit St. Jude

"Braid My Hair," the new country single from Randy Owen, will not only serve to launch the country music legend's solo career, but will help children in the fight against childhood cancer.

That's because 100 percent of the song's publishing royalties are being donated to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital by Owen and songwriters Chris Gray and Brent Wilson. The single will hit radio stations in late January.

VIDEO SONG - BRAID MY HAIR

In addition, you can support St. Jude by purchasing a digital download of Owen's new single. Using the media player below, you can hear the single (http://www.weblastonline.com/store/product_info.php?cPath=2&products_id=42&ref=15) and then purchase a copy for $1.99. Fifty-cents of the purchase price will go to St. Jude. In addition, you will receive a free "Braid My Hair" ringtone and $1.00 off of the purchase of Randy's upcoming album release "One On One."

The song is the first single for Gray and Wilson and reflects Gray's experience as a teacher in a children's hospital, helping kids keep up with schoolwork while they underwent treatment for cancer and other conditions. Gray often witnessed the side effects of chemotherapy and knew kids – especially girls – wanted to be able to braid their hair again.

"The song is so real," Owen said, "and I've seen this lived out time and time again with the kids at St. Jude. It's an incredible story done in song."

The song will be featured on Owen's debut solo album, titled One on One, and will hit stores this spring on the newly-formed DMP Records. Owen and his 10-piece band will hit the road later this month for a tour that will extend into the fall.

Owen has long been a supporter of St. Jude, helping to found the Country Cares for St. Jude Kids radiothon program which to date has raised more than $315 million for St. Jude. In 2007, the Thomas family honored Owen with its prestigious Founder's Award.

January 2008
http://www.countrycares.org/content/latest_stories.cfm?content_id=195

===

Saw and recorded the song on CMT Studio 330 Sessions
(Looking for lyrics but so far no luck)

SH

Subject: Lyr Add: BRAID MY HAIR (Gray/Wilson)
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 12:12 PM

Song linked in post just prev (includes background info) references Locks of Love.

Found the lyric.

~S~

===

BRAID MY HAIR
Written by by Gray/Wilson
As sung by Randy Owen on "One on One" (2008)


1. She could be the first female president
Or be the doctor whose experiment
Finds the cure to what she's in here for;
But right now treatments keep her sick in bed.
That baseball cap never leaves her head
And while she sleeps I sit and dream...
One day I asked her, "What do you wanna do when you grow up?"
I soon found out I wasn't dreaming big enough.

CHORUS: She said, "I'm gonna ride my bike, I'm gonna climb a tree
Gonna fly a kite, score a run in Little League
I'm gonna go to school, make a friend, be able to run again
Take off my mask and just breathe in the air--
But most of all I'm gonna braid my hair."

2. She could question God; Lord, knows I would!
She could just give up; I don't think I could
Be that strong or fight so long.
How can such a little girl have such big faith?
And even through the pain she still prays, saying,
"God will make a way...

CHORUS REPRISE: "For me to ride my bike, for me to climb a tree
I'm gonna fly a kite, and score a run in Little League
I'm gonna go to school, make a friend, be able to run again
And take off my mask and just breathe in the air.
But most of all I'm gonna braid my hair that's down to my waist
Then I'll get it cut so they can make
Locks of love for some little girl who's just like me."

Wonders if she'll ever be
Able to ride her bike, able to climb a tree
Able to fly her kite, and score running little league
Able to go to school, make new friends, be able to run again
Take off her mask and just breathe in the air
And most of all she can braid her hair
She can braid her hair


Source (correx made fr transcription): Braid My Hair lyrics at http://lyrics.cmlyrics.com/

SH

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 12:19 PM

Songs for Battling Cancer

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 12:22 PM

I'm now into my 3rd hour of chemo. I did not have any reaction to the Taxol so that's good. There is a woman sitting across from me who had her surgery with the same surgeon I did and she is on the same chemo schedule as me. We've been chatting up a storm and have already exchanged addresses and emails.
    They also gave me Benedryl at the beginning of the treatment and I'm not getting sleepy. Of course, the meds they gave me ups my blood sugar and right now it's at 415 so that will make me tired too. They gave me 8 units of insulin but I know my body and know that only 8 units isn't going to do squat. They'll have to give me more before I go.

    So far, the weather is looking ok so maybe I can get home tonight. That would be good.

NIght all, I'm off to dreamland.

Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 01:48 PM

I bet your haircut looks like Petals.

:~)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 02:11 PM

I bet my haircut will look like balding dandelions. :P

Michelle

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 02:12 PM

Wow... What a charge I get when I read the most recent posts.

Michelle... I am still in awe of and inspired by your high flying spirit.

That Braid My Hair song is a tear jerker. In a bittersweet way.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 02:32 PM

Ahhh dandelion seed heads reminded me of a poem I wrote years ago.

SOWING WISHES

Some fairy
has lost her hair

Catch it quick
and you get your wish

But do not look
when you let it go
or the wish won't come true

The closing of eyes
The opening of hands
The curious commingling
Reluctance
Desire

And the last peek

Didn't we know that
holding a gossamer seed

Hope

in our hands
is better than any wish
come true

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: gnu
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 02:44 PM

T&Ps.

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 03:53 PM

Ah, so Petals DO come in all shapes, sizes, and powers. :~)

I suspected as much earlier and Tam confirms it! :~P

Seriously, all those tears-- they are paying off now.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: LilyFestre -UPDATE - she's back in motion!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 05:33 PM

tears in my eyes, too

thanks Michelle for sharing what's happening.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 06:49 PM

Our snowstorm appears to be a wash out. Maybe yours will be too. Thanks for including us un your story, Michelle. Sweet dreams.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 07:16 PM

And I'm home! YAY!!! So far, no side effects at all, they said that Day 3 is usually rough and then days 7 - 10. I feel pretty good....tired but good.

They got the IV in on the first try.
There was no burning sensation throughout the 6 hour infusion.
I do not feel sick.
I did not cry at all (except this morning when I met a woman in the hall who had a horrific story to tell of her cancer....I went back to my room and just cried out of heartbreak).

Mom told me she was proud of me! :)

I'm looking forward to sleeping in my own bed.

Tomorrow my hair comes off. All of it.

I am ready.

Sweet Dreams My Friends!

Love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 07:31 PM

Just reading along. Fingers crossed, and amazed at the changes in chemo from when my mother went through it. The idea that you can chat from the computer while you're in there makes it all a lot easier emotionally, I feel certain, along with being able to find information when you need it.

Keep up the good reactions to all of this!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 07:37 PM

Taxol, if my recollector is recollectin', is from some tree in Mexico... That's kinda what I remember... Seems natural to me...

Ahhhhh, the hair doesn't come out like that... It's alot slower... Heck, like I've said, "Bald womenz is sexy" so I'd just shave the stuff off and beat the side effects at their own little games...

What other drugs are they gonna use, Michelle...

They used to use C.A.T. The "T" was Taxol... I can't remember the other two's names...

What, no port??? Hey, don't make me come up there and install one myself... Jus' funnin'... I'm outta the port business...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 08:00 PM

Opps!!!

Ignore this slow readin' hillbilly, Michelle...

That's a 10-4 on the hair and the port... Ol' hillbilly now up to speed... You just take it easy...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 08:25 PM

Taxol is from Taxus brevifolia, the large Yew tree that grows in Washington & Oregon.

It really helps! Hope the Yew helps YOU!

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: catspaw49
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 08:29 PM

Wow Michelle..........Ol' Spaw be really impressed. You're becoming an ass kicker ain't ya'?   Far out!

Spaw

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: gnu
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 08:29 PM

Bobert... bald women are not necessarily sexy.

Sexy women are sexy.

Women with spirit, as we have just witnessed, are sexy, cool, and a joy to know.

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 08:34 PM

and I KNEW I had read that they were now getting the drug from other sources! Paclitaxel

(harvesting Yew bark was endangering the population of the trees....now they are culturing the drug(s) from various sources and getting close to synthetic versions)

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: Severn
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 08:48 PM

I haven't posted in a while, but it's time for me to start up again. I had to go through six chemo treatments two years ago for small cell cancer confined to the lymphatic system (now in total remission!). The sessions were MTW every three weeks, with two IVs hooked up to me on Monday (a longer day) and one the next two days.
I'll start posting some of the good and bad experiences as I have time to do so. You have yet another Chemo Sabe to share both the Chemo sob stories and the uplifting things that helped get me and hopefully you through. My stories and tips will be told from a man's point of view.

You are lucky to have a loving mate by your side. I had lots of help from my friends, but I lived and mostly travelled alone. I found that the other in the IV room were of great help and good supportive companionship, and I'm sure you'll find the same. Wonderful nurses, too, though some could hit the vein better than others.


Here, first off, are some travel tips to and from. I brought some of my own food when I could. The oncologists had candy and munchies, but no substantial food. I also brought both books and a CD player with varied music to match whatever kind of mood the long wait put me in. I felt good enough to make the drive, but I set up an emergency network of friends between Rockville and my home in Laurel, about a 25 mile drive, of places I could stop and be welcome if I ever felt faint. I luckily never had to use them, but they were there.

They fill you full of fluids to make you urinate while you are there and a plastic container to measure your constant flow during the day, the volume of which slowly decreases, but I found it easier to go home the back roads with stores and restaurants rather than risk an interstate rush hour jam with no place to go. I often had to make 2-3 "rest stops" on the way home.

Tell me if I'm doing any good. I'll stop if I'm not. tell me if you'd rather like them as PM's

If I am doing some good here, the next installment will be:

THE CHEMO CHROME-DOME THING

Lots of luck and a whole lot of best wishes,
Severn

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 09:03 PM

Repeat after me, gn-zer...

"Bald womenz is sexy"...

Hey, that don't mean that other womenz ain't, mind you...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 11:03 PM

Michelle, I'll be out of the BS section for Lent (see prayer chain thread). But I'll see ya's at church.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Feb 10 - 06:25 AM

Severn,

   Keep it coming! I had an IV yesterday but my next chemo session will be with a port that I am having put in on March 1st. I did tons of drinking before yesterday's treatment to help my veins be more accessible and it worked! Just one stick. All my treatments will be 6 hours. The lady that sat across from me was there for her first treatment too, although she already had her port. It turns out that she had the same surgery as I did and the same surgeon...different cancers but we are getting the same treatment: Taxol and Carboplatin. They say the taxol won't make me sick but rather the preservatives that are in it. So far, I'm good.
    This morning I am off to the salon to have all my hair cut off. My surgeon was very clear that my hair would fall out. I'm not going to wait for it to fall out...it's one of the few things I actually have a say in! Also, the owner of the salon had put me in touch with 2 women who have had the same cancer as I do. I have talked to one of the phone and the other woman I met the day before my surgery and she had made me a prayer shawl (which I absolutely LOVE and haul to every appointment and sometimes church too!). Anyway, they are coming to the salon this morning.....I'm looking forward to meeting Candice and it will be good to see Carol again....who has said she has something for me...it makes me curious! So yeah...once people start talking about their experiences, it is helpful and helps to calm my nerves.
   If I learned anything yesterday, it's to go to the Dr. when you feel like something isn't right in your body RIGHT AWAY. If they send you home and you still think something is wrong, go to the hospital or another Dr. until you get an answer. I met a woman with Stage IV lymphatic cancer yesterday....she spent over 4 months trying to get her normal doc to figure out what was wrong and SHE had to ask for a CAT scan. He saw enlarged lymph nodes and did NOTHING. She finally went to the hospital and they were going to send her home but her husband INSISTED that she was staying and they were going to figure out what was wrong with her. They admitted her and the next day sent her to the hospital where I am going for all my treatments. They had a diagnosis for her THE NEXT DAY. How much time was wasted? How much dangerous growth occured? She lost the use of a leg, arm and her vocal cords....she can now talk but uses a can and the other arm isn't working yet. She's been through a lot and it looks like she might be ok but in the meantime, she's been through HELL. Anyway, I did learn that I need to speak up LOUDLY if something is wrong and it isn't being addressed.

Susan,
   I'll be at the noon service today but will not be there on Saturday (as discussed last week). So...you'll have to wait to see the new do!!!! I am having photos taken all along the way of this adventure and will put together a little media slide show when I can....might wait until I'm totally finished or maybe I'll put it up so folks can see what's happening along the way....whatcha think?

Time to make breakfast.

Much love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Feb 10 - 10:26 AM

Michelle, you are attracting a group of marvellous people into your life.

love & hugs to you & all these people.

sandra

many media shows vs waiting for one show?

my vote is lotsa' updates! please.

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Feb 10 - 10:27 AM

My mother had some photos taken before, so she'd have the image with all of her hair. I don't remember seeing any during chemo, but there were more afterwards, when her hair was back.

She didn't like the way her hair was falling out in clumps so one day she walked into a barbershop in her neighborhood and told the barber she'd like her head shaved. He took her to a chair in the back so it wasn't in view of passersby and did the haircut, and she wore a soft scarf-like hat until her hair grew back. The bare head felt much better than losing hair in gobs.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 17 Feb 10 - 11:17 AM

Michelle, you are an amazing phenomenal woman!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 17 Feb 10 - 12:57 PM

whoop... the thread title changed again!!!

Still here with you, Darlin.

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: open mike
Date: 17 Feb 10 - 02:01 PM

Here's hoping yew will come thru this with flying colors.
http://www.dailypainters.com/images/origs/776/flying_colors_ii_.jpg


http://www.whitedragon.org.uk/articles/yew.htm

not sure what this is all aobut (role playing?) but it involved YEW
trees http://runescape.wikia.com/wiki/Yew_tree

here is a close up of the berries
http://www.wildaboutbritain.co.uk/gallery/showimage.php?i=44489&c=17

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taxus_baccata

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 Feb 10 - 03:01 PM

...Susan,
   I'll be at the noon service today but will not be there on Saturday (as discussed last week). So...you'll have to wait to see the new do!!!! I am having photos taken all along the way of this adventure and will put together a little media slide show when I can....might wait until I'm totally finished or maybe I'll put it up so folks can see what's happening along the way.... whatcha think?

I've been remembering that you said you'd be away. You will find a few more changes in the wingchair-area.

===

Hardi and I remain grateful that your mom got right on it (and/or you did) when he loudly urged hurrying up what you were first told on scheduling-- that's a benefit to having an "experienced" priest, eh? And I agree LOUDLY that people need to jump right on stuff as you pretty much did with this whole thing. I'd love to see the pics as they come, at church, but I don't have an opinion on putting them up where others can see-- your call (with Pete), really?

GOGOGOGO!!!!

Glad this isn't a BS thread as I ain't in them (Lenty).

(Ya know I started that music thread in your honor, BTW?)

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Feb 10 - 03:59 PM

To the top. Join the other wounded warriors with good news.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 08:06 AM

I now am as bald as a body can get without using a razor. My stylist gave me the shortest buzz cut ever!!! It's taking some getting used to but it's going to be ok. The rest of this very short hair will fall out on it's own in a week or two. Can I just say that MAN....I had NO idea how much insulation my own hair provided? My head is chilly and so is the back of my neck!

    I also went to a Cancer Support group last night and made some connections...that was good. This morning I am taking my 2 wigs to a program put on by the American Cancer Society called, Look Good Feel Better. It's run by a beautician and she will show us how to care for our chemo skin, how to use make up to brighten pale complexions brought about by the chemo/diet and she will also trim our wigs. Did you know that wigs come with intentionally long bangs so they can be trimmed to fit YOUR face? I had no idea.

    Later in the day I am going to a Ladie's Guild luncheon and then my WW meeting. Both will be my first adventures out in public with no hair but both are very supportive groups of kind people so I'm not too worried about it.

    I'm interested to see how much less time it will take me to get ready this morning since there's barely any hair to wash and nothing to blow dry or style. I bet it cuts my morning routine time in half...YAY!!!!

    Anyway, I'll get working on the slide show so you can see....probably won't be ready until Sunday or so. Day 3 of my treatment (tomorrow) is supposed to be a rough day with bone aches and nausea.....here's to hoping that it isn't!!!

Love to all,

Michelle

PS. Susan.....thank you for the new thread in the music section...that's pretty darn special and I imagine it will touch many, many people!

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 11:20 AM

Sounds like you have everything in hand, Michelle!

I remember that my boss' wife had to stop doing the yard work because of the exposure to sun, for one thing. I can see why advice in cosmetics and skin care will make a difference in continuing to look like your normal self. Sans the hair, of course. :)

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 04:34 PM

Michelle, you're an inspiration!

You're the perfect example of what sharing a problem can do!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 Feb 10 - 07:09 PM

Ok.

First tummy upset. I've taken my nausea meds and am slowly drinking some Boost as my tummy is pretty empty and they say that's when you start having problems. Kinda hard to keep something in there when you just aren't hungry.

Anyway, it's been a busy day, more friendships made with women in my same boat....it amazes me how many people have cancer. I had NO idea.

When I am through this, I am going to volunteer to help others through too.....it's amazing what it does for the spirit. AMAZING. And you are all part of that too....you've helped me through every step of the way and there will never been enough words to cover the thank you and love that I have for all of you.

Now it's time to snuggle up with my kitty Dan and just rest. Another Dr. appointment in the early morning (plus the 2 hour drive) unless I'm feeling gross and then we'll rearrange. It's a visit with my surgeon so he can check my incision and see how it's healing (almost completely healed now...YAY!!!)....anyway, it's not a major appointment and can be put off a day or two if needed.

Gotta snooze.

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 09:54 AM

A can of ginger ale or Pepsi, warm. Pour a little in a glass until it is flat. Sip. It may help. And if it doesn't it isn't nearly as gross as Boost on the way back up.

Soda crackers to nibble just to keep something in your tummy.

Cold head? Now you know why so many hats.
LOL
Look for some, a bit more exotic, next week.

SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slayi
From: Ebbie
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 10:47 AM

Lilyfestre, this thread has become a spirit lifter of its own. I would add that you needn't feel that you have to remain so positive- it is normal to have severe downs also- but your approach and response to your new 'adventure' is inspiring. Thank you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 12:31 PM

Day #3 after taxol and carboplatin chemo cocktail = being hit by a bus.

My bones ache EVERYWHERE. My shoulders and legs especially but I mean everything just aches...ankles, wrists, neck, hips and even my eye sockets.

I went to my appointment this morning...the surgeon checked my incision as well as the internal stuff...everything looks GREAT and I don't have to see him until late April.

The port goes in on March 1st. Next Chemo is March 9th. Right now I'm going to suck down some tylenol and heat up the heating pads.

Unbelieveable how yesterday I felt fine and today it hurts just to sit. ARG. Good news...it's only temporary...should last about a week.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 12:43 PM

One thing about pain that my doc told me, not as comforting as heat, in some ways, but she said pain and cold travel the same pathways in our bodies and cold trumps pain every time, it will just kick pain out of the way, so using ice packs can really help with bad pain. I went to a massage therapist who basically said the same thing. When she feels a lot of pain she gets out her ice packs, including one large enough to cover her back. I'll bet your eye sockets would feel better even if you didn't want to ice your whole bod.:-)

Thanks for posting esp. when in such pain.

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: gnu
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 02:15 PM

kat... "Thanks for posting esp. when in such pain."

Ebbie... "... your approach and response to your new 'adventure' is inspiring. Thank you."

Ditto and ditto!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 02:16 PM

Still here - I check this thread daily.

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 02:28 PM

Lost my post- what I said was, you are a truly beautiful woman, dear Michelle!

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: GUEST,Jack Sprocket
Date: 19 Feb 10 - 03:33 PM

I've only just come across this- best wishes, may you have all the luck we didn't have! May the healing spirits of Moses Maimonides, Lister, Fleming and Pasteur be with you, may Madagascar periwinkles hover about you, may all the pain you defy in the treatment be rewarded with love and pleasure three googolfold, and may you tell the tale an age from now.

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 08:25 AM

Lots of pain last night and this morning in every joint I own. I slept maybe 2 hours....got up and called the on call people. New drugs coming in 4 hours......a bit of narcotics....bring it on. I freaking HURT.

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 11:59 AM

The ice pack treatment works a treat on Rheumatoid arthritis pain. But if I am cold (as one may be after chemo and in mid winter) ice may not be useful.

I think mild to moderate pain killers, absolutely zero caffeine (this includes chocolate) and as much sleep as your body and pain will permit may be best.

Luckily for me, when I am in pain, I want to sleep, naturally. Sleepiness seems to come along with the pain. Guess it is my body's own pain defense. Unluckily for me, I fight it and keep soldiering on.

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 03:53 PM

Sorry to hear about the sleepless night melove. Hope the drugs work well.

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: Severn
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 05:21 PM

I wrote this over on the recovery ward thread and had meant to write it here, where a whole series of "Chemo Chromicles will hopefully be posted. So I cut-and-pasted the proper portion over here as well, with a few additions and revisions to make it easier for Michelle to refer to. Here is a description of feeling completely drained as you hopefully never have in your life.
----------------------------------------------------------------


Welcome to what I call "Dishrag Days", where you feel like you have no energy whatsoever and you feel like a wet noodle. Sad to say, it only got worse for me. My Chemo treatments were three weeks apart, and whereas that time was not enough to flush out all the meds and toxins out of one's system, the number of bad days I spent increased after each treatment. I had to shop on the good days and stock up, because I didn't feel like even moving or getting out of bed much on the real bad ones, A good time to catch up on your reading. Sometimes sound or TV bothered me, sometimes it didn't. Sometimes I didn't want to do any of the options, but couldn't sleep either making me feel like there was no place for me to goand nothing for me to do to obtain relief. one can not know how it feels or how to properly describe the feeling unless, alas, you've experienced it yourself.

It might have just been me, but all the medicines they sent home with me with the caution messages about don't drive or even look askance at a piece of heavy machinery didn't make me tired at all, even the pain meds. I had to go back after almost a week of non-sleep and get issued some Ambien, which worked. When the dishrag days were over, I went against orders and quit the pain and sleeping pills until the next time that I became a wet noodle again, as I was a little bit scared of them. By the time of my sixth treatment, the Dishrag Days had gradually increased to about half of the three weeks or more. There were occaisional times of nausea and I remember watching the Porcelain Bowl as much as the Super Bowl.

After my sixth and last Chemo treatments, which were Mon.-Wed., around Friday night I was suddenly unable to keep food down from the cumlative effects of the meds still in me. I had a follow up Oncology appointment scheduled on Monday, and I tried to hold out. I tried the method I used when I had a bad flu and would start out with Ginger Ale and saltines or tea and toast and gradually work other food back in me, but it wasn't working. I probably should've gone to the horse-spittal late Sat. or Sun., but I waited until Monday.

They took one look at my blood sugar level after they finally hit a vein and rushed me back into the "hallowed halls of IV" from which I'd thought I'd graduated. It turns out my blood sugar had spiked to 1100 and I probably should have had a coma or stroke. The Doc will yell at you if your level goes over 200. When I finally got home, I found I had put a few things into wierd places, but it would be a while before I went home.

I was sent in an ambulance two buildings down the road to Shady Grove Adventist Hospital. While I was awaiting admittancde, it took them four people to be able to find a vein and successfully draw blood--I was THAT dehydrated! I spent that night, March 17th, in the ICU (peek-a-boo!) and I spent three days in various hospital rooms. It turns out that the shugar spike had given me permanent diabetes, so ironically enough, the date from which I could no longer hoist a pint was St. Patrick's night. I had gotten a Sheffield tankard as a get well present from a UK Catter friend, and, of course, since you can't drink alchohol during Chemo, I couldn't use it for its intended purpose until I actually got well. Now I couldn't ever hoist a pint of brew in it. The abstention during Chemo made it easier to accept and adapt to total alchohol abstainence.

Let that be a warning! You have a mate to take you to the emergency room if the nausea persists like that. I have the diabetes under control, but it'll alawys be there and I have had to adjust my living and eating habits accordingly.

Another food topic. Part of what they were giving me in my IVs was Cisplatin (sp?) which contains Platinum. I couldn't eat red meat, because the drug made it taste like iron. I couldn't eat canned food because you could taste the can in the food. It'll take a while after your treatments end until you'll be finally able to eat red meat. and canned food again.

When I'd been through those last days of constant nausea, my throat was so raw and sore that I had to eat nothing but soft foods for some time. Allpesause, pudding and Jello (all sugar-free because of my diabetes) creamy soups,boiler bags of Indian curry from Trader Joe's and scrambled eggs became favorites.

They'll very likely give you stule softeners to counteract the effects of the other meds. The pain pills, especially, tend to constipate.

This will be all for tonight. More stories soon (more pleasant ones) and any questions that you might have, feel free to ask here or by PM.

But there WILL be those bad days when you haven't hardly the strength or will to move, like a nasty flu, so notify your partner what to expect. Effects vary with the individual person. I'm just telling you my tales. It may affect you differently. they might be putting different meds in you.

Good luck and best wishes!

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slayi
From: Janie
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 06:55 PM

fwiw, Michelle, while my sister was going through chemo, and later radiation treatments, (she had breast cancer) thinking about the good the treatments were offering, as well as reminding herself that the treatments would come to an end and she wouldn't always feel so rotten helped her get through them.   She would say that it didn't help the sickness or pain, but it did help, a little, to decrease the accompanying misery, and that every little bit helped her to get through it.      She also eschewed keeping a" stiff upper lip" and allowed and accepted all the sympathy, empathy, and physical caring and support any of us could offer, did not hesitate to tell us what she needed, when she needed it, and to tell us to bug off and leave her alone when she needed that. That was more than 20 years ago, so I don't know if the chemo treatments and what can be done to mitigate have changed much since then.

As I've said before, I don't post often, but am still here, as are many others.

Janie

Subject: RE: LilyFestreUPDATE*CA*Seeking Chemo Starts Slaying!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Feb 10 - 09:18 PM

Severn,

   I hear you about not wanting to read or watch tv or listen to any sounds but just lying in misery wondering when it's going to end. That was my day today. My bones hurt everywhere. I can't even begin to stress that enough.

    My mom stopped by, called from the top of the hill and said she had some goodies for me. Pete went out to meet her at her car (there was no way I could do that walk today) and she had flowers,a balloon, 2 cups of ice cream from McD's (which I really like and shared with my honey), vanilla pudding and 6, yes, SIX bags of frozen mango...it seems to be what I am living on these days. It's a a fairly long drive for her to get over here and clearly out of the way. She is so incredibly thoughtful!!!!

    I finally got to take the percocet and I don't think it kicked in until the second dose but then I did get some sleep and when I woke up, I just layed in my bed thanking God for some relief. :)

    Now that's worn down and I just took some more (after buffering my belly with more mango) in hopes that I will be able to sleep or at least be pain free in bed tonight.

    Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Feb 10 - 08:33 AM

wishing you a restful evening.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 21 Feb 10 - 09:20 AM

Holding you in my heart...

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Feb 10 - 12:30 PM

I'm doing better today and am keeping a steady stream of pain medication going. I'm doing a whole lot of nothing other than watching tv, playing on the laptop and mostly just resting. I also called the woman who started her chemo the same day as me, taking the same meds and we have almost an identical diagnosis...ALMOST. I was curious to see how she was doing and she too is having excruciating leg pain that seems to be somewhat better today.

    I am so blessed to have a husband who is taking excellent care of me. He just made me lunch, knowing full well I'd eat only a few bites. He made it anyway. I love you Pete!!!!!

    So...no news today, just taking it ultra easy.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: gnu
Date: 21 Feb 10 - 12:50 PM

SOOO glad to hear you are doing better.

Sev... great stuff! Thank you for the info.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Feb 10 - 12:55 PM

You are very lucky to have a husband who loves you, Michelle. Make sure Pete takes care of himself too.
And for you - one day at a time. That's the best you can do.
Rest well.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Feb 10 - 01:27 PM

Well, darn. I posted last night but it didn't stick.

You've probably been told to choose your foods very carefully. My mother, for example, couldn't touch any of the cruciferous veggies (broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower) because they really tear up the inside of the intestines on the way through. You're losing a lot of cells other than just cancer cells, and the digestive system just doesn't like that.

I agree with all of those who advise you to look to the future. Get through one day at a time, past this chronic flu, and you will get well and feel wonderful.

Here's wishing you an ache-free day!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 08:41 AM

Day 6 Post Chemo. I didn't sleep for beans last night even with the Tylenol with Codeine that they gave me. Tylenol never seems to do anything for me. I'll be calling the Dr. to get something different and also to see if heartburn is a side effect of chemo. I'm thinking it is because they gave me Previcet (?) by IV last time. I've had heartburn maybe 2 other times in my life....all I can say is YOUCH.

Overall, I'm feeling pretty good today. It's supposed to be icy out later so I'm going to the grocery store for a few things and then home. Tomorrow is Day 7 which is when my white blood cell count is predicted to drop drastically so I'll spend today cleaning around the house, cloroxing door knobs and such, washing our bedding and just getting things ready for me to flop on our bed for a few days....all as clean as I can get it. I won't be going out on Days 7 -10 for anything.

Gotta get going. Where is that Tums!?!?!? ARG.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 08:49 AM

Heartburn is a thoroughly unpleasant experience. Lying on your left side with pillows raising your head above your heart may give you some relief.

You are doing amazingly well, Michelle. By now I would be flopping around and moaning.

How has the new hairdo been received?
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 09:23 AM

Heartburn definitely is a side effect of chemo but should pass within a week. And it's a particularly pervasive form of heartburn overpowering Tum's, Maalox, even Prilosec. Even the ultimate heartburn relief, baking soda in water drunk straight down, offered only the most temporary relief. What does seem to help some is anti-nausea medication because the two are related, even though for me the heartburn lasted longer than the nausea. If they didn't give you any to take home call your Doctor's office.
Chemotherapy is an ordeal, to say the least, but it can save your life. It takes a warrior's spirit to bear so keep fighting and know were all pulling for you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 10:21 AM

LF,

This week the office staff at church are "piloting" the process of sending you the recorded service. It's one long warts-and-all MP3 from rehearsal to afterbuzz. We'll also record this week's, and that one may actually arrive before the "pilot" one-- bear with us, LOL.

The web guru also needs to retrain me on church website access.... so I can start putting each week's services ONLINE. Probably not the Wednesday service, weekly-- it's largely the same each week. Might get one recorded and send you that one. (Def one "keeper" online when I get that up and running.)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 11:19 AM

Still here - not a lot I can say, just hoping that you are OK. Thank goodness for your wonderful man. Give him a big hug from me.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 11:41 AM

Heartburn gone, nausea has set in.

UGH. I wish I could just get sick and get it over with already.

It helps knowing you guys are here and I'll try the head over my heart thing and also will be calling the Dr.

*whimper and heading off to curl up*

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 12:09 PM

Finally, a whimper! I was beginning to think you were SuperWoman. So sorry, Michelle. Even knowing it was coming doesn't help with the disconfort.
Still here for you.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 01:17 PM

Be very careful in your food choices, and when you share anything, NO DOUBLE DIPPING. I can't tell you what exactly the physicians or nurses tell you about contact and intimacy, but I remember hearing my bosses' wife remind him about not dipping a carrot stick in the ranch dressing again after biting off one end. I think it's a good rule anyway, but one you need to pay special attention to if you want to avoid catching any opportunistic bugs going around out there.

One more day, one more footstep. Reminds me of mountain climbing, how when you get to the steep higher elevations you do what they call the "rest step," a method of stepping, breathing, stepping, breathing, and slowly getting there. One step/day at a time.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 03:43 PM

I'm still here, too, dear one. You shine!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 03:44 PM

Michelle honey

Didn't they give you some anti nausea meds? I echo Sins. You have been phenomenally strong throughout this ordeal.

hugging you gently

tam

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 03:52 PM

Ummmmmmm, seems every time I bring this up I get "the blast" from the usual blasters but...

...the evil weed ain't all that evil... You don't have to smoke it to get the goodun's outta it either... Plenty of recipes... Combats alot of the side effects from chemo... Not all that hard to find, either...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 05:04 PM

I've heard that you can bake it in cookies and cakes............

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 05:27 PM

We have medical outlets for it all over Colorado...in fact there's one at the end of our block and around the corner.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Leadfingers
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 05:52 PM

Hang in there Michelle - There's a lot of support out here !

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Leadfingers
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 05:54 PM

500

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target
From: Rowan
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 10:06 PM

I'll try find out what our local oncologists use to prevent nausea during chemo; it works well.

All the best, cobber.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 08:14 AM

bobert is right. If marijuana will help with the nausea and just plain misery, it is worth a try. It was just leagalized in Maine but now they are arguing about how to distribute it. Meantime, the illegal distribution continues as usual. LOL the wonders of government.

Meantime, still here for you, Michelle.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 09:58 AM

Here is a link to my montage. I hope to add more as my treatment moves forward.

My Journey

Much Love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 10:25 AM

Speechless...you are so beautiful and brave and full of grace. Thank you for sharing...the video is awesome just like you!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 10:35 AM

Lily, you have a nicely shaped head. Not true of everyone. I must say, though, that the cute cap looks warmer!

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 10:47 AM

I love the video - what a great idea!

Your husband looks like a real sweetie and I love your Mom!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 11:04 AM

Zofran was the nausea medicine they gave me and it worked pretty well. I also endorse what Bobert said although my worst nausea was while I was in hospital and didn't have access. Besides the nausea it helps control pain and in keeping a serene, positive outlook.
I would also suggest avoiding food that you really like for the time being. There are some foods that I used to enjoy that I no longer have the stomach for because I ate them during chemo and got sick. I doubt I'll ever eat popcorn again.
Keep fighting the good fight.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 12:00 PM

LF,

I saw this right after my morning devotions (my usual time to look in on Traced threads and BTW this is NOT a BS thread, LOL).

I didn't have sound for your video (tech issue here), so instead I just quietly lingered on the woman it reveals. I see a transformation not from "beauty" to "suffering," but an ongoing increase of Grace and character. I see Bonnie's quirky/wise/wry eyes in your face. I see Pete at his best. I see the photog's eye I've always admired.

I see much more, but I'm distracted from typing by the victory-tears, plus time today is in short supply. Instead I'll just point you to a mini-Scripture "assignment," if you'll help me out: my MIL often quotes "may she go from strength to strength" when she sends me a card. Can ya find that and gimme the citation for it? And can ya hang it over yer mirror, too?

:~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 01:33 PM

Sweetiebird... Thank you for posting the link. You look like sunshine personified. It's that wonderful smile. You shouldn't need a hat for warmth, because you radiate it.

A great big grateful hug to your Mom and Pete and others who are taking such good care of you. But the greatest hug of all to you because you are taking such good care of yourself in all ways.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 01:41 PM

Frustrating - Barracuda blocked it here at work and my computer is acting up at home.
But I am not surprised at all the positive comments. You are an inspiration, Michelle.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 04:08 PM

When My late wife Judy was in chemo and suffering from terrible nausia I would give her a brownie... Half an hour later she was feeling much better than anything that the folks at Georgetown University (Limbardi Clinic) ever perscribed for her...

Nuff said...

Hope yer havin' a better day today, Michelle...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 05:35 PM

Bobert you got a recipe? Seems like it may help with rheumatoid arthritis.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: gnu
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 05:59 PM

VT.. I have a recipe... cook brownies, season to taste.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 06:06 PM

Michelle, thanks for sharing the video. Very nicely done!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 06:20 PM

What VT said: You look like sunshine personified.

Your beauty shines!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 06:31 PM

I really shouldn't be sayin' this but I didn't bake 'um... Her 80 year old mom, who moved in with us 6 months before Judy died, baked 'um.... Judy found the recipe on the internet... All I had to do was supply the weed... No problem there...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 07:03 PM

Just heard that my 75+ year old uncle was diagnosed with bone cancer.

:(

He's the first person I called when I got my diagnosis....he had prostate cancer and had been clear for years.

He's had a lump on his breastbone for some time that Dr.'s said was nothing.

NOTHING.

I hate this disease. I hate how fast it takes people and just how much it ruins lives.

Bobert....wanna make some brownies for my uncle? He's in A LOT of pain.

:(

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Feb 10 - 07:18 PM

Where's Unc live, Michelle??? Maybe I send him some UPS (United Pot Service)...

Yeah, it *is* a hateful disease...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 08:50 AM

an amazing video by an amazing woman!

best wishes to your uncle

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 10:55 AM

I am overtired, worried, crying in ridiculous amounts and feeling bitchy at myself.

A neighbor has extended a hand and while I want to take hold, I have no idea how to say yes.....I just don't know how and I'm frustrated with myself.

Any ideas?

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 12:01 PM

You are in such a sensitive time, dear Michelle. You don't have to do or be anything but what feels right to you. If your neighbor has offered to help out, if you feel comfortable with that neighbor, all you need to do is say yes. If you call and start to cry, or don't know what to say, I have a feeling your neighbor will understand and will use his/her judgement on how to be there for you. Whatever happens, it's ok.

Remember how you are loved!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 12:15 PM

Michelle, how about asking that neighbor over for coffee or tea, and see how much of it you can do yourself, or if they need to give you a hand? And go from there.

I'm so sorry about your uncle. Bone cancer is a nasty one, no way around it. And what is it with doctors saying "it's nothing" when a patient complains of a lump or a pain? Time is of the essence in diagnosis and survivability. My doctor had me in the next day (Wednesday) when I called about bleeding and did an ultrasound that day. I had the D&C on Friday, and when the cancer diagnosis came back I was in ten days later for the second surgery. This is the way it is supposed to be.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 12:24 PM

LF:

See Dr. Oz's show today on anti-cancer foods. (His website has some info-- I could not get the link to paste).

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: maeve
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 12:43 PM

From the Dr. Oz website, for Michelle

The Anti-Cancer Shopping List
• Blueberries
• Yogurt
• Green Tea
• Rainbow chard
• Tomatoes
• Tempeh
• Flaxseed
• Quinoa
• Garlic
• Onions
• Carrots
• Sweet Potatoes
• Squash
• Broccoli
• Beans
• Curry

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target
From: Ebbie
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 12:56 PM

I haven't seen the Dr. Oz how but it is interesting that corn isn't on the list. I have a Polish friend who says that in Poland they warn against eating corn and corn products when there is a cancer present. Has anyone else heard that?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 04:11 PM

That is a list of foods for people who have healthy immune systems and can eat a normal diet. Michelle has a compromised digestive system and has to be very careful what she eats right now. Her intestinal system is sloughing cells so fast that things like broccoli and I'd dare say onions and such will cause real lower GI discomfort and/or diarrhea.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 04:16 PM

Given the nausea, Michelle probably should let her body guide her. If it appeals, go for it.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: GUEST,Eye Lander (not logged in)
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 05:33 PM

Michelle, where have I been all this time. I used to see you on the weight/health andbeing good thread, and admired your dedication. I am so sorry to read this thread. I was lucky enough to be checked 5 years ago when my CA125 was 75 and was taken straight in for surgery and didn't need the chemo etc after. You are being very brave and we are all there for you. I loved your journey as I loved your other photo journey that you sent me a link to. I shall watch this thread regularly now and look forward to your postings.

Take care of yourself, your body will tell you when you have done enough - listen to it.

Jillie

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 07:27 PM

Wow! First of all, thank you for all the comments about my montage...you guys warm me heart and soul!!!!   :) For me, it helps me keep perspective in where I've been and that I AM moving forward!!!!

Regarding foods. That's a HUGE topic and I appreciate the nod to watch Dr. Oz (when is that on?!?!?) and the list of foods too! My oncologist (in the chemo department) says to eat whatever I want but he suggested whole foods, fresh foods...but that was just his suggestion.

Hm. Well, here's the thing. Most of you know that post here know I've been working on losing weight for a while now and I'm succeeding. Total amount lost so far is 105 pounds....lost it with Weight Watchers, mostly eating whole foods, fresh fruits and veggies, lean meats, etc....very balanced. So. I get it. I get what a healthy diet is. Add chemo to the mix and my concerns turn to how can I keep nausea at bay? How can I keep up my red and white blood cell counts? How about energy? Is there a way I can boost it as much as possible? What about mouth sores...how do I eat then? What about food not being interesting much at all lately? How can I spark at least a normal appetite (OMG, did I REALLY just say that?) What foods support a healthy immune system? Because I fully believe that nutrition plays a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE part in my recovery I made an appointment with the nutritional clinic at the hospital where they have nutritionists who deal with people having chemo all the time. I'm not switching up how I eat healthy. I can work whatever into my WW program...I just need a little help in WHAT foods those will be. I'm pretty sure I'll have to foot the bill for it but I can't imagine going through this and NOT fortifying myself as strongly as possible.

In the meantime, I'm keeping it simple. Dinner tonight? 96% FF lean ground beef/burgers, whole wheat couscous with raisins and walnuts and steamed carrots. Always a bottle of water at my side. Always.

It's not always so balanced.....lunch was Rice Krispies. Tried a banana and it just didn't taste good to me today. And amounts? I'm not hungry anymore....seems that just went away, so I eat what I can. My body tells me when it's enough and people around me are learning that it doesn't mean I'm sick, it's just enough. This is good. Also...still nursing Boost when I think of it...lots of great protein and other good stuff in there.

And PS. I got a BEAUTIFUL package of 3 hats from Allison today....I love them ALL!!! Thank you!!!!!!

And PSS to Tam.....I had your fairy out today and for the first time since my head has been shaved, I put on the beaded headress you sent me. I have no hair to clip it to but the doily part sticks to my fuzz like velcro...the beads swing freely and they TICKLE!!! It's my hat with AC.....sometimes I just need some air on my head!!!! I needed to smile today and between the hats from Allison and the sweet fairy and the tickles...I had some FUN! I took photos and will be adding them next time I update the montage!!!! You guys are the best!!!!

Susan....I'll bring the new hats and beaded head dress next time I see you (which may be Saturday after all)....you are going to love everything! The kindness and talent here never ceases to amaze me.

Much love to all!!!   <3 <3 <3

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 07:35 PM

PS. Sleeping has been an issue and I'm pretty sure it's part of why I had such a hard day...I'm exhausted. They sent up some Ambien. I've had this before a few years back.....I slept but felt kind of drunk with it. I sent out emails before bed that apparently were very strange...I had no recollection of writing them. SO. If any of you get weird email in the next few days, I apologize in advance!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 08:00 PM

Singing another lullabye, dear one. Sleep well tonight!

(I'm glad you got the hats- you're welcome!)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 12:58 AM

one of my mates is a singer/songwriter/comedian who told a very funny story of the time his ultra-short haircut stuck like velcro to upholstery fabrics.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 03:57 PM

oohh lovely... I gives you tickles..

So glad to hear everything you have to tell. Even the whimpers. But the grumbles even of frustration are better and the shouts of determination the best. Holler loud honey... it is the hail and healthy that make the most noise.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 04:20 PM

I remember reading on someone else's thread here a while back about something that helps with mouth sores. I'll keep my eye out for it. And a co-worker may have discussed it recently. I'll check out her facebook posts and her blog.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target
From: Rowan
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 04:54 PM

What foods support a healthy immune system?

"Fresh" and "unprocessed" is a good start, but I suspect you already knew that.

What about mouth sores...

The oncology nurses I know recommend mouth washes of sodium bicarbonate, also known as bicarb of soda and baking powder.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 10:09 PM

A post from earlier lost....

LF, the Oz showtime for your hill-- I dunno, but the rerun is coming up on our hill, and I have it set to record. I can get you the audio of that but not, alas, the video. (But his website does have some vid clips, and maybe it's on there.)

Anyhoo, lemme know if you need the audio and I can dump it onto a player like we're doing the services.

Did the first one arrive BTW?

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: maeve
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 05:38 AM

Michelle- This link has what looks like useful info regarding the mouth sores http://www.chemocare.com/managing/mouth_sores_due_to_chemotherapy.asp

I hope this is helpful for you.
maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 10:23 AM

Thanks for the links to the mouth sore care. As of yet, I do not have mouth sores but I know they are a possibility and can be very painful..anything to help with that is great. I'd rather have an idea ahead of time how to deal with it rather than wait until I'm a mess.

And Susan, if you would like to tape the audio, that would be great!!! I haven't received anything in the mail but will keep an eye out!

I am beginning to meet people within the cancer care circle. At my first chemo appointment, there was this woman and her boyfriend in the waiting room....they really stood out to me as they were both dressed very well, make up done, looking alert and healthy which in an oncology department, isn't always the case. She almost radiated and I admired her from afar.

The next week I went to a Look Good Feel Better program put on by the American Cancer Society and low and behold, she walked in...still radiating and stylish. I immediately asked her if she had been at the chemo center last week on whatever day it was. She cocked her head, looked hard and me and said, "Yes I was. Why?" I told her that I had really loved her hat and how she seemed to beam. She smiled and we talked during the entire thing, she took a picture of mom and I, we exchanged addresses and phone numbers and she said she'd send the picture. Well. She called me the next day. I wasn't feeling well and wasn't taking any calls. I didn't call back for a few days but when I did, I got her machine. The same with the next day. Yesterday she called me and we talked 3 different times for a total of about 2 and half hours. She gave me a little bit of an ass kicking that was totally needed and actually appreciated...helped me pull myself together....we talked about the port I have to have put in on Monday (and am nervous about), we talked nutrition, we talked grants that assist with things associated with cancer care (and OMG, there are a TON of them), foods that sit well, the ups and downs and the how the hell am I going to get through this kinds of things. My mom and I will be going to the Care House (Ronald McDonald House for adults with cancer) to stay over Sunday night as my port goes in early on Monday and it's a 2 hour drive for us....anyway, my new friend is ALSO going to be there on Sunday....we are planning to get together, chat up a storm, play games, cook in the kitchen and hang out. I am really, REALLY looking forward to this!!!!!
    During our conversation she didn't really ask but said she had no idea what kind of cancer I had or what kind of meds I was getting so I told her. I tell everyone, it's not a secret at all...some people like more privacy about that and I totally understand but for me, I'd rather that people know. Anyway, I asked her directly what kind of cancer she had and immediately felt as though I had created a faux pa. She hesitated and then told me she has Progressive Stage IV Colon cancer. If I wasn't already in total awe of her positivity to make the best of this situation and her efforts to be who she is, this just sent me over the edge in admiration....she talks about something that is so frightening to me as though it were the weather.....so calm.
    She put things out for me in black and white and very succinctly. She said (in her very thick NYC accent), "Look honey, you have 3 choices:

    A. You can enjoy each step of the journey you are on, making the most of it.

    B. You can be miserable and resistant each step of the journey you are on.

    C. You can do nothing and die.

    What's it gonna be?

I know it's very simple but I hadn't thought of it that way before. Everyone says to concentrate on the here and now as that's all any of us have and yes, that is true but when your very core has been shaken sometimes it's really hard to focus on that....at least it is for me. I know it's all been said with the best of intentions and that they are right but for whatever reason, how T put it clicked with me.

    Anyway, she is just one of several people I have met and made contact with and I am super excited to get together and spend more time with her on Sunday afternoon. YAY!

Love to you all,

Michelle

PS. Rowan...I'll be thinking about you on Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 10:31 AM

So glad you are connecting with strong, positive women who can help you over the rough spots. Encouragement and an ass whooping from a fellow sufferer has to have more impact than loving and well meaning advice from the peanut gallery. Not underestimating the value of our support; just recognizing the value of their input.

One moe day further along your path and closer to your goal of health. Good job, lady.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: katlaughing
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 10:41 AM

Michelle, I know what you mean. When your very life is on the line, it can be difficult to "be in the NOW." My mind went off on tangents before heart surgery (it still does, some times:-)...mostly thinking about how sad I would be if I didn't make it and missed out on my grandson growing up, missing my family, not finishing my novels, etc.

Your new friend is right, though. It is that simple. Everyone is facing death, some just know more about when that might happen. Just don't think you have to spend every minute trying to enjoy each moment...some days, as you've already found, can be real bummers. That's okay as long as we don't wallow and stay in that negative space. In fact, it can even help balance things so that when we have a great day we can remember it on those days that aren't so super. Hope this makes sense.:-)

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 10:47 AM

Please, PLEASE don't think for a second that the support I have received here is any less valuable....you guys have helped me more than you know in all kinds of ways....I honestly don't know what I would have done without you!!!!!!!!!!!!   

I have received love, some ass kicking PMS, some informational PMs, very helpful advice and different perspectives and the peace of mind knowing that I'm not sitting here alone, drowning...which is often what it feels like.

I'm thankful for all my Mudcat friends, VERY THANKFUL!!!!

Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 12:49 PM

oh you sillybilly... oh yes we all feel so unappreciated...

NOT!

girl - you gotta know that we all jump for joy at every bit of positive posting you give us

You do know it don'tcha?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target
From: Rowan
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 05:47 PM

Just to let the rest of you know about Michelle's PS to me, on Monday her time she'll be dealing with the insertion of a PortaCath. I've already got one and have been encouraging her, via PMs, with my experiences and, on Monday my time (about 14 hours ahead of hers), mine will be used for the next (5th) bit of "big chair dreaming"; five hours of sitting in the big chair followed by 46 hours of infusion from a pump I wear while I get on with life. For me it has been no big deal but, although she's doing just fine, I reckon Michelle could do with a few more hugs to help her along.

All the best, cobber!

Cheers, Rowan (who is off to register for the upcoming netball season as an umpire)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 09:48 AM

!!!(Rowan)))!!!

Michelle, in a weak-minded moment I managed to erase the Oz recording, and I do not see the re-run coming any time soon.

BTW James debuted on playing IN the service last week, and Wade in the Water is tonight.

Your neighbor who offered help-- does s/he come to Wellsboro? Maybe expedite the delivery of recorders?

So if anyone can come up with the rest of the list Oz gave, that would be a help. I'm trying to recall what else was on the list but it's slow going.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 10:03 AM

Susan,

   The recorder arrived yesterday. I have no idea how to download it but am able to listen to it through my media player which is just as well. No worries about Dr. Oz! My neighbor doesn't go to Wboro much as far as I know. I'll be at church tonight (unless it snows a ton more or I get sick) and will bring the recorder and cord.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 11:22 AM

You hook it up with the USB and then manage it like any folder in your file manager. The service recording will be the large file in the "Recorded" folder in the "Voice" subfolder. It should appear on your "My Computer" as an extra disk drive.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 01:00 PM

Hey LF--

When Lew N. was stuck at home during his chemo, we sent home a special cuddlebuddy from the kids' pew area where the wing chair now sits, so he'd know we were thinking of him every Saturday night.

Last Sat. Ed was trying to pick out one for you, and it got down to two we couldn't choose between. So-- they're small, and if you look close.... they seem to "bear" a suspicious resemblance to a couple of Cootiesniffers. :~) And I'm not sure what your immune status is, but they just came out of the dryer under nearly-sterile conditions. :~)

We'll set them on the wing chair, and if you don't make it out tonight, Lisa'll ship 'em out with the next player.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 04:26 PM

Fun!!!!!!

I'm planning on coming tonight...I think it will be ok. I'm not going to do communion but Father Cootiesniffer is aware, so it's all good!

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 06:58 AM

I once had a very close friend...for years. Something happened between us that led to ugly words from both of us in May. She recently married a man she has known for 4 months. This morning he posted that I deserve to have cancer.
    While I understand that his wife doesn't care for me anymore, that comment......well....NO ONE deserves to have cancer. I am SO upset.

*SOB*

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 08:17 AM

Big huge enormous hugs- you are right- NO ONE deserves to have cancer, and you don't need that kind of toxicity right now.

People who spread that kind of negative energy are bound to have it bounce back on to them. If you can, acknowledge and then release the feelings you got from seeing that post, and do what you can to return to the joyful place of positive healing that you know so well.

YOU ARE ABUNDANTLY LOVED!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 09:30 AM

*big breath*

Moving on because that's all I can do.

Today I am leaving to spend another night at the House of Care. Tomorrow morning at 9:00, I'll be having my port put in.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 09:45 AM

I agree with Allison - that sort of remark can only come from a very poor soul, too bound up with the lower things of life to see past the muck and the mire. Pity them, but do not let them bring you down. A Mudcatter once wished colon cancer on Kendall, when he was part way through his fight with his cancer. That type of behaviour comes only from the very immature.

From all you have posted over the past few weeks you have shown an amazing spirit and, like your New York City friend, are well on the way to being an inspiration to others in similar circumstances, and who are just starting to walk the road you have gone down.

Good luck with the port - I may not post very often but I check this thread on a daily basis.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 10:00 AM

I just can't fathom one human being saying that to another, EVER.

My friend and I had words with each other but NOT LIKE THAT.

I know I need to look beyond it and concentrate on healing....that comment just cut me to the core.

So.........looking for the positives in this day:

I am going out to lunch with my mom and husband.
I am spending the next 5 days with my mom (will be missing Pete though)
I am going to hang out with my friend today and we are going to talk cancer stuff....positives...getting through, etc.
I am going to see my nana who I haven't seen in months (she lives far away)
I am going to visit my uncle with bone cancer.
I am going to take lots and lots of pictures of my family
I am feeling (physically) good today.
I've gained a couple pounds (good since I was radically dropping weight)
Tomorrow I am getting my port...while I am NOT looking forward to the procedure, it will make chemo easier on my body and it will mean no more needles.

Ok. It's time for me to pack up the computer and go.

As always, I appreciate your love and support more than you know....

Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 11:02 AM

Take the 'sniffers.....!!!!!!!!!!!!??

About that old business with your friend... people grow at different rates. You can only deal with your own rate, ya know?

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 04:54 PM

what Susan said... someday that friend and her husband may rethink things they have said to others.

I hope they have learn and they find courage enough from the lesson to make a point to apologise and want to make things right again.

You are going to be all right Sunshine. You've got lots of love to bouy you up in the storms. And that unkind, unthinking comment was a tiny tempest. Let our love carry you over the waves big and small.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 05:24 PM

Say "no thanks!" to that kind of remark and be sure to delete it if you have it on your computer. Some friends we have to let go even after a very long friendship. YOU are growing by leaps and bounds through the grace and honesty with which you have dealt with your health challenge. You will continue, I am sure, to make great strides and there is no room for such negativity in your life. (Think about all of the karmic brownie points they DIDN'T just rack up!*bg*)

In your positives, please be sure to protect your heart a bit, esp. when seeing your nana and uncle. It can get a little poignant, emotional and, while it is good to let out your emotions, it is best to do so in moderation so that you don't tire out.

All will go well, tomorrow, I am sure and know that YOU ARE LOVED.

mamakat:-)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 05:37 PM

what everyone said

Ever since I read a comment from Eleanor Roosevelt - No body can make you feel inferior without your consent - I've tried to live by it, tho sometimes my "natural" (ie. imposed by family members when I was growing up) stupidity/uselessness pops up, & I take a second or so (it used to be minutes or hours!) to remember that the comment made only says something about the person making it.

as you said, you day will be a good day, surrounded by loving friends & caring staff (with an occasional ouch)

sending more love & good wishes

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 05:49 PM

Eleanor Roosevelt also said, "A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water!" I have that on a small poster on my fridge.:-)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: maeve
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 05:51 PM

My mom says, "Consider the source!"

m

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Severn
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 09:56 PM

Michelle,

I will write about baldness issues soon, but if you dredge up the Mudcat Recovery Ward 2008 thread, you can read some of my Chemo Chronicles written at the time I was going through it all.

Some great laughs from an All-Star Mud-cast as well.....

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 11:27 PM

My Mom would have remarked on the low self-esteem of that powerlessness man, if the only way he can feel stronger is to kick someone when she's down. To be sure his words have power he attacks. And that's what he was doing--he was trying to feel like he had power, even if it was a totally negative hit.

That guy is a boil on the butt of the universe. In the Karma end of things, the man is TOAST. So don't worry about him.

Have a good week getting all of that stuff taken care of.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 09:35 AM

Michelle,

I've been cogitating that man's "contribution" to your mental map, in my daily prayers. What keeps coming back to me is to ask you, what kind of energy is the most healing for you as you continue this "little battle"? Feeling hurt and angry..... or compassion and forgiveness? (I mean the energy you generate, not the energy that comes at you.)

Compassion and forgiveness don't just come automatically, of course... but they can be prayed for and, when they come to you, accepted.

Your priest no doubt will have more to share on this point, but when I think of one colleague's toughest cancer year, what I think she might have most regretted was a narrow area of hardheartedness where she did not completely achieve forgiveness. One person had asked a thoughtless question out of concern, but it struck L like a doubt about her ultimate recovery. She had the idea that ONLY positive thinking aimed her way was helpful, and no one in her immediate circle at the time quite realized that what she probably needed was a reminder that God's positivity is so much more powerful, and always there to be appropriated. I know that later she DID find her way to let it go, but in the meantime the brokenness in L's one relationship with that person multiplied out all around L, as people scrambled to compete over who was helping and who should be shut out.

So... the steps other people take in the grand dance are the steps they take, but you can choose your own, around them. Praying for (and even giving thanks for) the people who hurt us is a powerful route to healing broken relationships.

~Susan
cc: Hardi

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 11:00 AM

Michelle,
This has been the weekend from hell for me. No power on Friday. Computer crash on Saturday - actually it works but only brings up really nasty porn sites. No computer = no phone . Then my cell phone ran out of minutes. No computer = no refill on the cell.
Very frustrating but I told myself "At least I have my hair". A recognition of how ridiculous all this crap is in comparison to your battle.
Re: your pathetic friend's husband. Imagine being married to that? Poor lady.
When a Mudcatter trying to hard to be controversial wished colon cancer on Kendall, I confronted him in the Chat. My language was less than ladylike but spot on. He squirmed that it was a joke. He whined that I should stay out of it. He complained that he was being picked on. In short, he showed what a worthless coward he actually was. From that day forward, if I went into the chat, he left. Eventually he was banned from the Cat for a multitude of offences. Like your friend's husband, a pathetic bully trying get attention. Dismiss him and his negative energy. There is no room for him in your life.
Hopefully, your package will arrive soon. With all the nonsense this weekend I managed to jam the after hours machine with your package stuck inside. If I hear from Homeland Security I will let you know. LOL
Hug your Nana and know that you are loved.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 04:52 PM

So.... I'm confused. According to the last post's example, does one battle offenders, or does one rise above them? Does one let it go and let the community evaluate/respond, or does one first mount a little warfare?

(Where's the highest positivity, such as I understand it takes to overcome cancer?)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 07:51 PM

No one is suggesting that Michelle responds to this oaf.

SINSULL responded to an unwarranted attack on someone she loves dearly. From experience I know that bullies, if not taken to task, will just keep on going, hurting others, as was done to both Kendall and Michelle. I also know from experience that they see compassion and forgiveness as weaknesses and no reason for them to change their ways.

Whilst the person being ATTACKED may not be in a position to fight back that doesn't mean that those who care for them cannot make that effort on their behalf, in much the same way as one might attack a physical bully who was injuring another person.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target
From: Rowan
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 09:01 PM

Anyone heard how LF's port insertion went?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: maeve
Date: 02 Mar 10 - 06:19 AM

Thanks, Rowan. I have not heard anything regarding how the port insertion has gone. I trust Michelle will let us know how she is when she's ready...and when her thread returns to the light of positive support.

Still here, Michelle!

maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Mar 10 - 08:42 AM

I think Michelle was getting chemo along with the port. She may be a bit under the weather today.
Patiently waiting for news.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Mar 10 - 09:10 AM

I had the impression she was going to be offline for a few days with the various aspects of the port and the chemo.

SINS, I had a few dustups with Mr. M-G myself. And one remarkable apology--perhaps it should be framed? You've caught the character right. The anonymity of the Internet has allowed such insecure characters feel like they are big and powerful. Susan, a suggestion is fine, but it doesn't constrain the rest of us from examining the peculiarities of such folks or the response they received in their particular communities. And examples of individual confrontations doesn't indicate a continual attack on that particular person, or we'd be no better than they are. The sound "stop this behavior now, you little cretin!" and a flounce stage left and no further communication with them can feel rather satisfying.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Mar 10 - 01:16 PM

Not M-G, SRS. Another charmer.
I hope Michelle has met up with her chemo buddies. She seems to draw such strength and motivation from them.
Still waiting.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 02 Mar 10 - 02:19 PM

meeeee toooooo...

waiting and hoping it is all going as smoothly as possible.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Micca
Date: 02 Mar 10 - 02:39 PM

Michelle, Burning a candle and sending good thoughts your way since the beginning. As a further gesture of solidarity I will "install a Port" this evening probably a glass of Taylors Late Bottled 2003, and will sip it in quiet contemplation while beaming healing energy to you, The Mudcat healing energy from these sort of threads was very useful and beneficial to me (as well as to MANY others) last year.
Micca

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Mar 10 - 02:46 PM

Thanks SRS, but Jacqui has already understood and responded to my request for clarification-- for Michelle.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Mar 10 - 08:04 AM

Just checking in, Michelle. Healing energy and Chardonney from Maine. Micca's Port is nasty stuff. LOL
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Mar 10 - 09:02 AM

Michelle, my morning's lectionary Scripture reading included the item I had been looking for (Strength to Strength), and it's in Psalm 84.

This Psalm presents a fine example of how seeking the higher good can bring us to our goals.

I like the Amplified Bible for personal reading because ...It attempts to take both word meaning and context into account in order to accurately translate the original text from one language into another. The Amplified Bible does this through the use of explanatory alternate readings and amplifications to assist the reader in understanding what Scripture really says. Multiple English word equivalents to each key Hebrew and Greek word clarify and amplify meanings that may otherwise have been concealed by the traditional translation method.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 03 Mar 10 - 01:55 PM

sure wish she would post.... even if to just say... ugh

sigh.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Mar 10 - 02:18 PM

The annual Lenten series is in full swing here, and tonight is the second week's event, so I may get some word I could share from that.

I *think* we just are not quite up to speed on her schedule-- I recall Monday to have been said to be planned as Port Day but I wasn't thinking it also was chemo week. I'll ask around-- she's been pretty open on all this around the parish, so someone else may have heard something we haven't, or may be in touch so as to be in a position to pass along all the latest good wishes and caring thoughts here.

===

Hey, LF-- I have a new video suggestion for your spirits on the tough low-contact weeks-- what's your hill's channel lineup (link?)?

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 03 Mar 10 - 07:26 PM

please add my good wishes to the list, susan

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 Mar 10 - 09:06 PM

No word from tonight's crowd, OR the padre.... "we" know nothing.

I do have her cell number.... he may call her (or her mom) to see whassup.... when it feels right to HIM. He has a finely tuned sense for each person in the parish (or even peripherally connected to it) for that matter, on how long is *too long* for each individual to be off the radar, and he's really good at knowing where and how to run into them-- my dear mentor.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 05:24 AM

'I once had a very close friend...for years. Something happened between us that led to ugly words from both of us in May. She recently married a man she has known for 4 months. This morning he posted that I deserve to have cancer.
    While I understand that his wife doesn't care for me anymore, that comment......well....NO ONE deserves to have cancer. I am SO upset'.



Humph and Grr. That comment shouldn't be said to your worst enemy!!

Now you take care Michelle, Do as the docs tell you, rest when your body tells you and most of all - Posi thoughts which of course is what we all have for you.

Jillie

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: GUEST,Eyelander
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 05:26 AM

'I once had a very close friend...for years. Something happened between us that led to ugly words from both of us in May. She recently married a man she has known for 4 months. This morning he posted that I deserve to have cancer.
    While I understand that his wife doesn't care for me anymore, that comment......well....NO ONE deserves to have cancer. I am SO upset'.

Humph and Grr. That comment shouldn't be said to your worst enemy!!

Now you take care Michelle, Do as the docs tell you, rest when your body tells you and most of all - Posi thoughts which of course is what we all have for you.

Jillie

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target
From: Janie
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 07:15 AM

Thinking of you, Michelle.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 07:52 AM

Sending waves of love....

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 08:08 AM

Still no computer at home but you are the first one I greet from my desk at work. Good morning, Michelle. Hope you are enjoying visiting your family.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 10:16 AM

Watching the thread and hoping that this week has been good to you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 01:58 PM

Hya Honey

Just me, sending you hugs morning and evening, from over the pond.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: maeve
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 06:44 PM

Michelle is ok. She has returned home and will post when the dust settles, so to speak.

maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 07:05 PM

Thanks for letting us know, maeve. It's good to know.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 07:19 PM

Oh man. I just spent 20 minutes posting and the computer ate it. I will post later tonight!

I am ok and home and happy. :)

I can't believe I didn't copy the post before I hit submit.

ARG!!!!


Love to all!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 01:56 AM

bloody computers

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 02:44 AM

whew!   I can face the day now with Michelle thoughts back in the "she's gonna be all right field." The Michelle thoughts were hanging out in the "what's happening to her field" which tend to make me feel worried and unsettled.

Gonna be a good weekend. I am determined on it.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 07:16 AM

Well, sometimes ya' kinda have to look at chemo with a different eye... When my late wife Judy took the Taxol within a day her efeet were burning so badly that se couldn't walk on them.... We were told that in a small percentage of patients that can occur and we had to treat it with "bag balm"... I'm glad that you are tolerating the Taxol, Michelle, and that you aren't in that small percentage...

BTW, that was the worst of all of the side effects of any of the different chemo drugs that were used...

More warm healing thoughts and prayers from the ol' hillbilly...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 07:44 AM

Ok, so I didn't post last night...I just was too tired. Here's how the last few days went:

On Sunday afternoon, Mom and I drove to the House of Care where we would be spending the night as I had an early morning appointment for blood work and the port on Monday. We had a bigger room than last time so that was nice! We were there for maybe an hour before we caught up with my new friend, T....the one I wrote about earlier last week. We sat and gabbed for a few hours and then Mom and I went to dinner. Chinese Buffet....all the crab legs and shrimp I could eat....YUM!!!! That was a BIG treat for me!!! When we got back to the house, T's boyfriend had built a lovely fire in the living room fireplace. He and a staff member moved one of the tables from the dining room area out in front of the fire and we played Mexican Train (dominoes) for a few hours...lots of laughter and great conversation....we had FUN!!!! The next day T would tell us that it was the best time she's had in a LONG time! It definitely was an evening to remember!!!!
    So...Monday morning rolled around and I cried, a lot. I was freaked out and scared, not wanting this tube thing in my neck. I was ok with the idea of the port but I still don't like the idea of an 8 inch plastic tube in my veins. At the breakfast table, T said she was happy for me. I was crying. I told her I wasn't happy about it. She said, well, is it okay if I'm happy for you? I know how much easier this is going to make it for you. I'm going to be happy for you. That made me stop and think.....and it made me feel something good although I can't put words to it.
   We drove over to the hospital and parked in the valet parking. My blood work was scheduled for 8:30 and I was half an hour early. They took me anyway. I cried through that, explaining about the port procedure that was to follow. The nurses there did their best to help me settle and reassure me that they do them all the time and how great it will be to not have to be poked all the time anymore.
    Next we walked to the outpatient radiology department where my procedure would be. It was a large room with lots of chairs and people waiting. I took a number and sat down....trying NOT to cry in front of all those people and failing miserably. There was a man sitting next to me in a wheelchair and he asked me why I was there and told me he had a port put in years ago and it was going to be ok. He cracked some jokes and helped get my mind off of what was coming up.
    They called my name early and Mom was allowed to go to the changing room and then to the pre-op room with me. I spent probably an hour or more in the pre-op room. They took my vitals, went over my current medications and started an IV of antibiotics as a precautionary measure. I cried the entire time. They sent in 2 different people to explain the procedure to me and everyone was very kind. I just was afraid. Scared. Wanting to run away and never look back. They got the IV in on the first try (I asked them to numb it first and they used a spray...didn't work for beans). Eventually I was walked down to the OR (I took a photo of it and returned the camera to my mom) and asked to lay down on a long, narrow bed...really more like a tray with a black vinyl cushion on it. There was a stepping stool to get up there as it was rather high. There also were arm rests along side of the bed, running parallel to the bed. I used those to grip tight. I was surprised that I could stay dressed except for my shirt. I had on the typical hospital gown, black pants and socks....how pretty. Anyway, they asked me to take only my right arm and shoulder out of the gown. Then, with my arms at my side, they used tape around my arm and over my breast, pushing it down hard (to create tight skin above my breast), ran the tape over my breast and around the other side, taping my hand to the armrest on the left. They did a criss cross with the tape. I wasn't going anywhere. The Dr. was late coming in but I did get to meet him and he was very nice as were all the nurses. I was to turn my head to the left and they draped me with a blue cloth. There was a metal bar near my head and they draped the fabric over that bar, leaving me a window of sorts so I could look out from under the cover. A nurse stood on that side the entire time. During the procedure, we talked about what kinds of animals we have and I'm sure we talked about something else but I have no idea what it was.   They gave me a shot of lidacaine in my neck...small needle but it took a long time for them to push the medicine in and that smarted. Meanwhile, they gave me something in my IV to help me relax but not sleep. I was totally awake for the entire procedure. Once the lidacaine was in, they made a nick in my neck. Then they gave me another shot of lidacaine in my chest. As far as I can tell, here's what I *THINK* happened. Once they had the nick cut in my neck, they threaded the 8 inch plastic tubing down through a vein, then they cut a 3 inch (across) pocket in my chest for the actual port and attached the tubing from there. It is my understanding that the port is sewn in place so it can't move around. There was a LOT of pushing, pulling, tapping and thumping. It did not hurt while they were doing it...it was uncomfortable and a few times I jumped because they thumped so hard....just a reflex I suppose.
    When they were finished, I had help to sit up and then I got off the table on my own, slipped on my shoes and walked down the hall to the changing room where Mom was waiting for me. I changed my clothes and wobbled down the hall....walking close to the walls as I really was kinda wobbly but I just wanted to GET OUT OF THE HOSPITAL.
    We went back to the House of Care where T was waiting anxiously for me. Apparently the surgery took a lot longer than normal as she had left a note in my room and was also waiting for me. We talked for about an hour and then Mom and I left (having packed the car before all my medical things) to go downstate to my Nana's. I hadn't seen her in months and she has been worried about me and asking to see me....I was wanting to see her too. Anyway, on Monday night, I was HURTING....not so much where the port went in but my neck....where all the tubing is....it HURT a LOT! I had a soft ice pack to put on it and had been instructed to take Tylenol, so I did. Early in the evening I said goodnight and went to bed. I was just wiped out. I crawled into bed and started to read and noticed all these little hairs falling into my book. Yep. My hair had started to fall out.
   Mom was sitting at the kitchen table and I went out to show her and fell apart. The port. The tubes. The IV. And now my hair falling out...it was too much for one day.
    The rest of the days have been better. I am badly bruised on my chest...about the size of my husband's fist. The bruising doesn't hurt, it's just ugly. The port area is tender and my neck/collarbone area is slowly feeling better. My hair continues to fall out in little clumps. It looks like I have white polka dots on my head. I have threatened to color them all different colors so they look like jelly beans! :)
    After 4 days away, I am finally home and so very happy to be here. I had a nice visit with my nana, aunt and uncle but there's no place like home, especially when you don't feel so great. I will say that Nana, Mom and I had some fun on Wednesday afternoon...I took all my wigs and we had ourselves a little wig party!!! FUN!!!! :)
    I'll be adding photos to the montage in a week or two and will post the link.

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 07:47 AM

Bobert,

   Yep, sometimes you DO have to look at chemo with a different eye. Having my hair come out was something I knew was going to happen but when it did, it was shocking to me....shouldn't have been, but it was. There's something very strange about touching your hair and having wads of it come out in your hands. I've decided that it's just a sign that the chemo is doing it's job which is to kill all fast growing cells. That means hair cells are being destroyed BUT it also means cancer cells are being destroyed too!!! Fine. By. Me.

Michelle the Bald

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 08:06 AM

Michell, the Brave and Beautiful.

That description of your surgery was riveting. Now I'm tired. Welcome back, Michelle. The thing you feared the most is done and over. One step closer to a healthy body.

Celebrate the little victories.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 09:21 AM

all I can say is I second that.

you have so much courage.

sandra (crying happy tears)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 10:35 AM

I think our Lily is losing it. She and Kendall are planning a screaming run into the night, clothing optional. Scarborough, ME is just not ready for this. I think I may have to wake up the Lay Abouts At Large for legal help.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 01:43 PM

I love the idea of dyeing the patches of hair different colours. Very festive.

Love that you enjoyed that Chinese Buffet with such gusto. Your appetite has been worrying.

Wonderful that you had that friend to hang out with at the House of Care. What is Mexican Train dominoes?

Very good that you could spend time with your Nana and Aunt.

Looking forward to more photos...


Love from Tam who is hoping that the multi colour patches will be among them.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 02:01 PM

In my mind's eye I peeked over the green cloth, Michelle, and nearly lost it just sitting here in my computer chair. :-/

I'm glad they had the spot on your shoulder so isolated and kept you distracted. I know it may seem a lot of work that way, but it's good that you didn't have to deal with more general anesthesia. (I was a kid in middle school and had a mole removed from one breast, using a local, and I looked - once - and realized what a mistake THAT was!)

You've come a long way in short time. I'm proud of you!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 05:24 PM

Michelle, the Brave, the Bald and the Beautiful...

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 05:32 PM

A Bobert stand in: 600!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 07:42 PM

Wow!!!

600???

Think that's a first... I've hit lots of 'um but I think this is my 1st 600... And I wasn't even tryin'??? Just dumb luck, I reckon...

B;~)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 06 Mar 10 - 08:30 AM

Dear one, thank you for all the details, so we could be with you vicariously in spirit (you do know that time and space have no meaning, don't you?).

Loads of love to you, and keep an eye on your mailbox- I think you'll be pleased!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Mar 10 - 11:07 AM

LF, I have kept an eye on this thread as I indicated I would, but I still don't quite get the absence (pls clarify for my own continuing learning?)... was it about the business, the heaviness, and/or trouble getting the laptop online? I did recollect that we'd talked about you having Fr. CS's cell number if you needed it under any circumstances, so we concluded you must not be needing him, but.... ya did get a whole lotta people wondering this time if you were OK. (It got confusing knowing what/how to pray for you.)

As indicated upthread, tho, Fr CS is the real mentor-- you got back and posted the day before he was planning to track you down. :~)

I'm working on leaving an item for you to consider a longterm loan, on your "inbox" chair. For the next time you can't go join your yoga buddies "in person." BOLO! :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 06 Mar 10 - 01:04 PM

Dear Mary and Allison,

    WOO HOOOOO!!!!!   Between the two of you, it's like Christmas here on the homestead today!!!! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! To Mary, the scarves are lovely and the headband will work on the brim of one of my hats (since I have no hair to hold back...YET!) And I LOVE the worry dolls...I haven't seen those since I was a little girl and I loved them then too!!!! And Allison.....what can I say? The scarves you sent are also lovely...lots of colors and different thicknesses....between the two of you, I might just get my neck warm after all!!!! YAY!!!!! I haven't had time to listen to the CD just yet but will on my drive to church tonight...can't wait to hear it! I imagine it will be as great as the last one you sent! THANK YOU!!!!!!!

Dear Susan,

    I think I posted I was going to be away....if I did not, I apologize and certainly didn't want anyone to worry!!!!   Any time you have concerns, call the house as I do check messages when I'm away and this time, as with many times I'm away, Pete is still at home/work and can answer your questions.

I'm sorry if I caused any of you to worry!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: katlaughing
Date: 06 Mar 10 - 02:25 PM

Michelle, you have nothing to be sorry for...we knew the port might keep you a bit and seeing your relatives. We are at your service and need no explanations except a "Hi, ya" now and then, though it is really neat that you share so much of what is going on and of your progress. You ARE a wonder!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 06 Mar 10 - 02:36 PM

and she is a darling.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 Mar 10 - 05:43 PM

No, of course no sorries needed, and yes I did know you would be away.... What was confusing was that even when *away,* you *have* been on your laptop. It was the laptop silence that fed the concerns.

And of course it's always your call on how much to stay in touch, as we have discussed offthread... it's kind of difficult to simply refer anyone HERE to your priest, though. :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 07 Mar 10 - 07:29 AM

*beaming*

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 07 Mar 10 - 07:29 AM

Still here Michelle.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: maeve
Date: 07 Mar 10 - 07:33 AM

Michelle- I'm glad you're seeing and doing so much that is positive. You owe no apologies; we're here whenever you choose to post.

I don't worry about you because I know you are in good hands.

m

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: GUEST,SINS
Date: 07 Mar 10 - 04:52 PM

Finally back on line at home. Glad you liked it all, Michelle. That head band is actually a chemo cap. They are made in Tibet specifically for chemo patients. If I can find a picture I will forward it. The band goes to the back. The fabric forms to your head. Quite elegant if you get it right. LOL
Glad to have you home and safe.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Mar 10 - 05:03 PM

Sins....

    OMGosh!!!! HOW COOL IS THAT? I'm sitting with it on RIGHT NOW and would have NEVER thought of that.....LOVE IT!!!!!! And really, how versatile...I can use it when my hair gets long again too!!!!!

Thank you for telling me how to use this!!!!!

Michelle who is all tickled!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Mar 10 - 11:27 PM

We went for a ride today and ended up at Barnes and Noble for a few hours. I picked up 2 books...Coping with Chemotherapy and Beauty Pearls for Chemo Girls. Both books deal with exactly what chemo is. One book deals with the side effects...what causes them and ways to find relief. The other book deals more with how to take care of your skin, make-up, wigs, hats, how to twist scarves into lots of different pieces of head gear.....fluffy girl stuff!!!!
    Late in the afternoon we went to a new restaurant which was pretty full. I had taken 2 hats...one knit and one kerchief kind (that I usually wear to yoga). Well. It was 55 degrees outside and I was hot in the knit cap. Although the knit cap looked better on me, I opted for comfort and went with the cooler kerchief. Hm. People stared or looked at me and quickly looked away when they caught my eye. Oh well. I have decided that when it's hot outside this summer, I might not wear ANY hat when I'm inside....either at home or in public....if they are going to stare, I may as well give them something to stare at! :p Despite the strange looks, I had a GREAT time out today with the love of my life...I've been looking forward to it since last week!!!
    My port incision itches like crazy today and I'm not to itch it. ARG. Also, I've decided to cut back on the sleeping meds so they don't become a habit. Also, my hair is now coming out all over the place. So I'm awake. Restless. Balding. And ITCHY.

Balding = chemo meds hard at work.
Itchy = healing
Restless = time to read

Did I mention that my port is dark purple?

Goodnight Sweet Friends.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 Mar 10 - 11:58 PM

For the itching, LF, I read - and it works - that when your body itches somewhere, scratch it in another spot. The brain thinks you took care of it and gives up.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 01:20 AM

Ice can work for itching, also. When my kids had chicken pox I used a blow dryer on the cool setting to just blow on their itching sores. Also, if your doc will allow it, a little bit of witch hazel on a cotton ball will alleviate itching.

In looking for the kind of band Mary sent you, I found THIS BLOG which I thought you might find interesting.

G'night, darlin'. Sleep well.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 08:05 AM

Mary,

    Where did you find the Tibetan chemo cap? Those are PERFECT for summer....way more comfortable than the kerchief that ties behind my head!!! I looked on eBay and googled...can't find them!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 08:20 AM

https://shop.theanimalrescuesite.com/store/categoryjson.do;jsessionid=26013ABB0F5248CCE35BAFDBCD5F26A4.store-a?siteId=310&catego

It's an animal rescue site that sells items from all over the world. They specialize in native businesses in poor countries. Great quality and selection, reasonable prices and you get to support worthwhile causes.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 08:26 AM

The link to the scarf isn't working. Here is the link to the website:
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3

By the way, each visit and click on the website provides food for shelter animals.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 11:03 AM

What a neat site, Mary and I love the scarves!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 11:21 AM

LOL Lily hasn't looked closely. Those worry people are actually worry cats.

I check into the site every day to make a painless donation and check out their sales. Usually there is something free if you order $25 + and shipping is free. Some great T-shirts there.

The Tibetan cap is pictured under scarves. Pink or blue striped. I am thinking of getting one for myself for bad hair days.
Very hippy looking to me.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 11:23 AM

Balding = chemo meds hard at work.
Itchy = healing
Restless = time to read

THAT's the way to do it!!! (Directing your powerful attention to the positive in this.) And then harnessing the positive... into an activity that furthers your continued growth. Some of us say this: AFGO! (PM if you don't know what that one stands for, LOL...)

GOOD JOB!!!

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 03:17 PM

It's been a BUSY day. I called the chemo center to find out exactly what to expect tomorrow with the first use of my port...I think it will be ok. Then I went to town, did 6 or 7 errands, had lunch with a friend, did a small amount of grocery shopping and am now home, doing laundry and contemplating a nap.
    It's good to join the outside world and do normal everyday things but it's also exhausting.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 03:33 PM

is this the scarf headband thing? Uberkewl!

Hey Michelle!   

             *      ,MMM8&&&.            *
                    MMMM88&&&&&    .
                   MMMM88&&&&&&&
       *           MMM88&&&&&&&&
                   MMM88&&&&&&&&
                   'MMM88&&&&&&'
                     'MMM8&&&'      *
            |\___/|
            )     (             .              '
           =\     /=
             )===(       *
            /     \
            |     |
           /       \
           \       /
    _/\_/\_/\__  _/_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\_
    |  |  |  |( (  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
    |  |  |  | ) ) |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
    |  |  |  |(_(  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
    |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
    jgs|  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |

I didn't know what to say so I went and lifted a cute ascii art.

The jgs is signature of Joan Stark who makes these ascii pics, which anyone can use so long as you give her credit by leaving in the jgs. I like looking at how they are put together. Weird, eh?

How's that for a post that's got nothing to do with your health or your amazing positive attitude? Just normal everyday chitchat.

XXXXX00000

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 03:41 PM

Good girl. Rest up, keep smiling!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: gnu
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 03:46 PM

Rest is gooood for the blooood. (Bugs Bunny cartoon)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target
From: Rowan
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 05:14 PM

All the best for the first port in the storm, LF.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Bobert
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 05:27 PM

Scarf v. hat???

Neither... Like you said, Michelle, folks stare... No big deal... They're just jealous... So I say, all natural, if it's warm...

Keep up the good work... This will one day be just a memory...

Pattin' the itch also works... No scratchin... just gentle pats...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: katlaughing
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 06:22 PM

Love those Nepalese hats, Sins. Think I might get one, too.:-) I thought you meant the chemo scarves they also have. I think Michelle, you said there were a bunch of different ways to wear it...is that the chemo scarf or the hat?

It can be exhausting...be sure you are not taking too much energy to do such when your bod is still kicking out the riff-raff. Ya need to *recharge* your batteries often.:-)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 06:46 PM

I'd worked out the link and then found Virginia had the whole page (I'd just picked up the photo). I love that site (and I'm a sucker for some of those earrings!).

Those scarf hats look good--for more than just folks with no hair on their heads. I'll be sure to bookmark this organization.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: maeve
Date: 08 Mar 10 - 09:54 PM

Michelle- Like you, my friend Mary Anne looked beautiful with her well-shaped head held high, just as it was. I loved to see the way both lamplight and sunlight showed her inner and outer loveliness.

m

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 04:16 AM

I bet there is a pattern for those hats.... I bet Michelle could quilt fabric for them....

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 06:11 AM

Good Morning!

I'm not sure I could make one that fits as well as the one Mary sent me....it's absolutely PERFECT in that it doesn't slide off my head AND it's nice and cool for warmer weather or hot flashes...whatever the case may be!!! I've packed a few of the very lovely hats that I've received in the mail for today and tomorrow but I've also packed the Nepali cap for use in the House of Care as sometimes it's rather warm in there.
   My bald spots are now covered with a very fine, soft and very light blonde hair...not sure what that's about!!! It's kinda funny though as the bald spots are low and soft and the hair that remains is (obviously) taller and darker...it reminds me of old fashioned velveteen wallpaper....kinda textured...anyone remember that?
    Today I am off for my second chemo treatment. They will access the port for the first time to gather blood for a CBC, liver panels and kidney check for the creatin (sp?) which will determine the strength of the carboplatin (one of the chemo drugs). Apparently they mix it up right there in the building.
    I have a numbing cream to rub on the port about an hour before my appointment so I shouldn't feel any pain, just pressure.
    I'm all packed (we're staying over tonight and home tomorrow) and have made myself a healthy lunch that is very low in sugar. My particular combination of drugs shoots my blood glucose levels up into the 500s. They will check my blood sugars and give me insulin as needed...anyway, I packed a good lunch that won't shoot my sugar levels any higher (whole wheat wrap with red pepper hummus, tomatoes, cucumbers, feta and an itty bitty amount of fat free Italian. Then for snacks I have low fat string cheese, cucumber slices and carrot sticks and Greek yogurt. Not bad, huh? I overpacked the food, I always do but I can always share or bring it home. I'd rather have too much than to be attached to the IV pole and starving!!! I have appointments from 10:45 and won't be out of the chemo chair until 7:00ish or so...it's going to be a long day, especially when you add on the 2 hour drive. I have a list of questions for my Dr., mainly concerns about the bone pain. I talked to his nurse yesterday about it and she said he will do something to prevent it or make sure I have something to take for when it begins. YAY.
    Overall, I think I've done ok. I have some nausea but the meds I have (Zofran and another to add to it if that doesn't work in the first hour...never have had to take the second med) very well. I noticed that I don't want much food for the first 2 weeks but during the 3rd week..LOOKOUT! If it isn't tied down or on your plate, chances are, I'm going to find it and eat it. Constant hunger. Why? I have no idea. Good thing this house is full of healthy stuff or I'd be in serious trouble!
    I'll be taking photos today and maybe while I'm in the chair I can figure out how to use SnapFish or Flickr so you can have access to the pics before I add to the montage. I'll just have to see how the day goes!!!
    My turtle and shawl are packed (They go along each time) and now there are worry cats (love the black ears!!!) packed too! I know they are for under your pillow but I'm taking them in my pocket today!! I also have a pair of cutie reminders from church that will be in my room as a reminder...thanks Hardi and Susan!!!...that my church community is with me too.
   Ok. I need to get myself in the shower and pack up my backpack for the day (my bag of self entertainment).

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 07:31 AM

We'll be with you in our thoughts and prayers, dear one!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 09:00 AM

Your attitude is just amazing, Michelle. Keep it up. And whine if and when necessary. I will be thinking of you.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 11:19 AM

Michelle,

My particular combination of drugs shoots my blood glucose levels up into the 500s.

Hey! Be kind to yourself about all that boo-hooing. (Pause for EMPHASIS!] Remember how the elevated sugars ramped THAT up for you in the past... not to mention hormones are probably NUTS right now? Do the boohoos if they offer to arrive, but don't beat yourself up for them.

Of COURSE yer hungry after 2 weeks not. Food is your friend!

~The CS's
cc: Hardi

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 02:16 PM

Greetings from the chemo chair!

   It's a little after 2:00pm and I am happy to say that today's treatment is going to be over at 4:00 instead of the 7:00ish we had planned on. All my blood work numbers are looking good and I am very pleased!! :) Also, about the port....OMGosh that makes it SO much easier...SO MUCH!! The needle that went in was kind of scary looking...an inch (maybe longer) long, thick and bent. I couldn't believe that it didn't hurt.
   My blood sugar was already 350 about an hour ago and they gave me 8 units of insulin. I have a feeling they are going to need to give me more.
    I'm tired (beneydryl in the IV) and am going to try and snooze. There are 4 people in my cubby and we've been chatting up a storm....we are all kind of settling in and the meds are kicking in...less and less talking as we all begin to feel the sleepy effects.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 02:20 PM

I have visions of an opium den full of bald people.
Rest, girl. Let someone else do all the work and worrying.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 02:51 PM

she's not bald... now she's flocked... like wallpaper.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 02:51 PM

A gang nap, eh? Sweet dreams, all!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target
From: Rowan
Date: 09 Mar 10 - 05:36 PM

Another beneficiary of "big chair dreaming".

All the best, Cobber.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 07:06 AM

Good Morning!

    I made some new friends yesterday from the chemo chair, even with one of the nurses! The port needle didn't hurt a bit when it was taken out and they covered it with gauze and tape. However, they covered my incision from the port insertion and when I took the tape off this morning and the incision opened. So. I have to go over to radiology to have my port checked and I imagine they will put another layer of glue on as the glue is supposed to last 3 to 5 weeks...and I'm sure bleeding isn't a good sign. Not a big deal...just more glue!
    Last night after the chemo was over, we went to a Chinese Buffet and I had lots of crab and shrimp....which I LOVE plus it doesn't increase my blood sugar which got kinda high yesterday from the steroids. Then we did a little shopping, came back to the House of Care, chatted in the dining room with others for a bit and hit the hay. I took an Ambien to help me sleep but I was up a few times during the night and up for good at 5:00am.....courtesy of the steroids...I had 15 of them within 18 hours!!!
    Anyway, this morning brings a trip to Interventional Radiology, a trip to the drug store, an appointment with the oncology nutritionist (which I'm really looking forward to), then a stop at Rita's (for a mango gelati.....WOO HOOOO!) and then home. So far, I'm feeling just fine. YAY.
    OH! I had my hair cut last night....had the taller stuff buzzed right down so it looks a little more neat. AND during dinner, I did NOT wear my hat...it just was TOO HOT.

    Gotta get going. Have a great day everybody!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 08:08 AM

Eating, sleeping and smiling. Sounds as if all is going better than expected. Kendall won't share his Ambien with me, Michelle. How about you?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 08:50 AM

compare Michelle in the first posts with this Michelle!

it's a privilege to watch & share your growth.

love from sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 09:53 AM

...compare Michelle in the first posts with this Michelle!

As someone who has seen her roughly weekly, I can tell you that this is one lady who has done the work.

She has let tears do what tears can do, humor do what humor can do, and prayer what prayer can do. This takes the courage of free will and she has used that WELL.

Because... she knows love when she sees it. Free will, with the discerning eye of love, is POWERFUL.

Plus she's smart as all get-out.


Hi, Michelle. :~) Yeah. Yer a role model now, AND a leader. We talk about our leaders.

BTW, that sugar thing? Guess what the CS's now take to parish suppers (I suppose you'll have to miss tonight's due to immune issues). A pile of apples. A few on the food table and a few on the dsessert table.

I'll try to remember to take a charged player for tonight. If I do, I'll buzz around in my scooter to catch some of the happy sound of supper-buzz in addition to the EP service that follows. After the EP, BTW, Ed and fam are doing a private columbarium thing... I'll have the recorder then, too. I think he would like knowing you might be "there."

I gotta go find and charge a recorder!

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 02:56 PM

CLONE REQUEST

Can we please have a toplink to this thread: http://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=127396 since it was started for LF and provides a place to stash music for her (and others) up top.

Thank you,

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: gnu
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 02:59 PM

Good on ya darlin! Yer an inspiration!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 05:05 PM

Home! I am finally home!!! The nutritionist was kind of a disappointment but I did learn a few new things so not all was lost.

About the parish dinner, I could go as my blood work came back in FANTASTIC shape but I am just beat. Have something yummy for me and let Ed know I'll be thinking of him.

More soon. I need a nap.

YAY. Nothing like your own chair, bed and snoring critters to lull a body to sleep!!!

XOXOXOXOXO to all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 05:10 PM

Okiebokie!

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 10 Mar 10 - 07:15 PM

Michelle - Kendall got home from the hospital today and he agrees with you on the wonder of his own chair and bed.

You are doing so well - it's a pleasure to read your posts.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Mar 10 - 11:01 AM

Hey Michelle,

During last night's Lenten service, I was thinking last night that in a weird way, you have graduated from this thread. I would love to see how YOU would start a new one for the next phase of this journey. What is that phase?

Does the laptop have a CD playing drive?

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Mar 10 - 05:00 PM

Hmmm. Well, that's something to think about. I imagine it will take me a day or two to do that.

Bone pain started today and am using a cane to get around.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Cancer-Seeking Chemo Is on Target!
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Mar 10 - 08:07 PM

Michelle,
At least this time you know what to expect. Go with it, lady. The rest of us are by your side.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Mar 10 - 12:57 AM

sending virtual hugs cos physical hugs might hurt

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 12 Mar 10 - 06:40 AM

Love, love, love, love, love...

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: maeve
Date: 12 Mar 10 - 06:44 AM

Good morning, Michelle.

m

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Mar 10 - 02:27 PM

The bone pain has intensified today and I overdid a bit this morning. As a result, I am in my jammies, taking my pain meds and have been napping on and off. I think I might just work my way upstairs and call it a day.

I have an injured kitty and he is sitting with me...two peas in a pod we are.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: jacqui.c
Date: 12 Mar 10 - 02:53 PM

Lots of good wishes and love coming from Maine melove.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Mar 10 - 02:56 PM

I wouldn't share your pain meds with the kitty. But it must be nice to have fuzzy soft company and the occasional purr.
M

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Mar 10 - 05:07 PM

Remember that article earlier this year or late last year? It was in Morticia's thread and was about scientists proving that a cat's purr is at a certain vibratory rate which heals up bones. It was really interesting.

Resting up is a good thing. Sleep well and may the pain be fleeting..kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 Mar 10 - 07:50 PM

But don't shave the poor kitteh!!!!! :~)

LF, when you want it, I ran across a source today for "local" henna, and a nice Indian man who can probably connect you with real, authentic henna artists, if Pete still plans to shave in tandem with you (or has).

Also numerous vegetarian frozen entrees-- all delish and Indian. You probably already know Indian cuisine has special digestive-aid properties.... the prop. speaks sugar-free lingo too.

And if you already knew this man-- shame on you for holding out, you hussy! :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 01:14 AM

Up listening to the wind howling outside, watching the sky flicker in orange technicolor as a distant well is being flamed off and wishing we had a bathroom on each floor of this house!!!

I very well may get a henna tattoo on my head and would be interested in who you are talking about Susan! It won't be anytime soon though as I have developed an infection on my noggin called feliculitis (sp) which means the hair follicles are infected. The Dr. ordered up some meds today but I was in no shape to stand and wait for it in the pharmacy so I came home without it and am using Benedryl cream on it for the night.....it itches wicked and burns. Good times.

I'm napping on and off, pain meds not really working as well as I'd like....hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Goodnight all.

Sweet Dreams.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 02:52 AM

wishing you the same, accompanied by contented kitty purrrrrrs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 03:10 AM

Some aloe vera gel, chilled in the fridge, might help with the burning sensation or witch hazel. Hope you sleep well despite being uncomfortable.

Lots of {{{{{Michelle}}}}} from Colorado.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 05:32 AM

Maybe oatmeal made up very thick, put on head wrap in soft towel, leave for 1/2 hour rinse with cool water. Also a cold pack on the head, Darlin' Will ease the burning and itching.

hugs

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 06:35 AM

LF, this may be the time for a pee bucket, or if you prefer to test ours you can borrow our portapotti. You'd be surprised how really nice it is, and it's already got the waste-digesting chems on board. Get it by calling Fr CS's cell to coord. cuz he'll have to load it up, but we could drive up your hill or put it in Bonnie's van for ya. We have source to get you one if you like it. Consider it a tiny composting toidy. It is not gross.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 08:57 AM

LOL! Now that's a vision for first thing in the morning!

I have a handicapped bedside potty and will ask Pete to set it up if ABSOLUTELY necessary. The hospital sent it home with me initially as I needed handles to stand up and since they didn't have just the handles, they gave me a free-standing potty. It's funny you should mention it because I was thinking about it yesterday....just how much pain do I need to be in before I'm willing to ask Pete to dump such a thing as I am in NO shape to carry much of anything down the stairs. I still think EW.

I finally did fall asleep for 3 straight hours, waking up once to take pain meds that I now cart along with me so I don't need to make added trips. I wish I had thought of the aloe or oatmeal yesterday as we have both of those on hand. This morning we are going to the pharmacy and Walmart for the essentials. I'm either staying in the car or going to use a scooter. There just is NO way I can walk around Walmart today. At the moment, I'm trying to work up the OOMPH to stand long enough to take a shower and may well just do it seated from the side of the tub (we have a shower hose thingyamabob). My head is caked with Benedryl which served it's purpose for the night. EW.

Anyway, I am looking ahead and trying to keep in mind that this pain, although really hard to get through, is only temporary and it should begin to let up by tomorrow night or so. My Dr. told me the only side effect that should increase in duration is the tiredness as my blood counts get knocked down more and more with each chemo treatment.

Ok. Pete has finished his morning outside chores which means I really do need to find that OOMPH to get in the shower.

Love and Hugs to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: Dharmabum
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 09:32 AM

Sending positive,healing,thoughts your way.

DB.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: jacqui.c
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 10:10 AM

Michelle - those scooters are great. I occasionally get some bursitis in my hip area and that makes it uncomfortable to walk around a big store. I have no compunction about using a scooter when that happens.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 12:05 PM

Well don't that figure? You get past the pain of losing your hair, start to enjoy the new "look" and it gets infected. This is just not fair.
Honest, Michelle. It is OK to bitch once in a while if you feel like it.
Meantime, you are my hero. Amazing strength through all these insults.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 12:17 PM

what SINS said about hero... me too. Wish I had the nerve / whatever to use those scooter thingies. There are plenty of em in Sainsbury's but I just continue to walk/stagger long after my hips seize up. Think I am afraid I will make a fool of myself for not being to operate it properly.

Maybe I should just take on on a joy ride to get some practice.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 02:17 PM

PLAY iz scooter!

LF, the portapotti we have does not need emptied till you get strength back, and NO GROSS-- that all stays sealed up. Your call! (Ya oughtta see it, let G know when).

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continue
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 07:46 PM

A few months before he died, I got my brother to use a store scooter one time. His comment:This is kind of fun.

If and when my time comes I don't plan to be noble about it- I'll make use of all tools I come across.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 08:59 PM

I was looking at some online articles about massage for people going through chemotherapy and found that there are lots of opinions about it. Personally, a very gentle massage sounds like heaven to me at the moment. A hot tub with water jets sounds equally wonderful. Anyway, one of the sites I was looking at had pictures of cancer patients receiving various massages. All of the pictures showed people who were pale, bald and looking miserable....so dull that they looked to be fading away. That struck a chord with me tonight as I feel the way they look.

    I took an afternoon nap and let too much time pass between pain meds and as a consequence, I woke up in severe pain. My husband has been wonderful about getting whatever I need, heating up my many corn pads and just hugging me when all I can do is cry. I'm just having a rotten go of it today. I had wanted to go to a 7:00pm church service but at 6:00, I could barely stand up...there was no way I could get myself to church. That bummed me out even more. Not only did I miss church but I missed seeing friends....people who I don't get to see much of anymore. I'm so tired of sitting in this chair or of being in bed. I miss my energy. I miss my friends. I miss making plans and KNOWING I'll be able to follow through. I miss being on top of things...I have gotten very forgetful, especially in the short term area. I miss my hair. I just miss my life today and am feeling weighted down with exhaustion.

    When I read some of your comments about being so up and positive or an inspiration and today I saw the word hero twice....I can't believe it. I am so damn tired and feel like I'm fading off into nothingness.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Michelle who needs to lean right now

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 10:14 PM

... I missed seeing friends....people who I don't get to see much of anymore....

Sorry, didn't record this one, and all you missed was Pete and Sandy coming in wearing bright green Irish wigs. Ed got a photo. Sandy's was shiny foil like an Egyptian hairdo, very cool. She's so shy but she actually rocks.

Bob C was there, and ya know what, he could use a phone call (so could Linda). Or a card.

Sometimes when we lean on the right Person we find we have strength to let others lean, too, and when that happens (when you're ready), you get Strength, too.

Hang in there. You're DOING IT.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 12:19 AM

I think I just have too many meds going on in my body and I can't get myself straightened around today....too much pain and too many meds can do that to a body.

Susan, I'd be more than happy to send Bob (and his GF, is that Linda...I can never remember her name) a card if you could send me his address. I do not have a directory. I love getting cards and know how much they can brighten up a day and equally, I feel good when I send them out too.

Some absolutely EXCELLENT news in my life, Veronica is coming to visit next weekend!!!!!! For those of you who don't know, Veronica is a young lady who spent a few years of her life living with Pete and I. We haven't seen her in at least 4 years and I am SO EXCITED to see her!!! *HAPPY DANCE*

Well, so I'm up after another 2 hours of sleep. I made myself some dinner...yogurt and a Kashi bar and here I am, wide awake.

Humming some of Allison's music..........

Goodnight All,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 12:47 AM

It's good to see that I'm not alone in this. I'm with the chick and the oxycodone.....

Bone Pain


Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 01:26 AM

very inspiring

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 08:05 AM

Darling girl, you just keep being real about your feelings- pain, joy, exhaustion, progress- we love all of you and still think of you as a hero!

(I'm now knitting myself a slouch hat, so we will be twins!)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 09:52 AM

Maybe this will help

TENS machine and pain management

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 10:35 AM

I woke up this morning felling HAPPY!!!!! It's been awhile since that's happened, I usually have to sit for a minute and focus myself on something outside of my diagnosis. I was thinking about Veronica when I woke up and how soon she will be here!!!! Also, the bone pain has subsided quite a bit...YAY!!! I hope this means that it's about over with for this cycle!!!!!

I went downstairs to find my husband boiling potatoes for home fries and kneading dough for bread. Mmmmm....smells GOOD in here! I spent most of the last hour cleaning out a basket of old catalogs and magazines. The basket also contained a few notebooks and books too.

In one of the notebooks, I found a bunch of poetry I copied by Rumi...stuff that just makes me smile. And on this spring day where the ground is mush, the birds are singing and our bull is joining in with the chorus, I found this....and it made me smile so I'm sharing it with you:

The Music We Are ~ Rumi

Did you hear that winters over?
The basil and the carnations cannot control their laughter.
The nightingale, back from his wandering,
Has been made singing master over all the birds.
The trees reach out their congratulations.

:) Happy Spring Day Everybody!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 11:45 AM

You made me smile, Lily.
Veronica must be quite a young lady now. I can't wait to hear how she is doing. She has been in my thought and prayer list for some time now.
Good Moning! Happy Daylight Savings Time!
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 12:35 PM

LF, I don't have a directory here either, LOL. We both need to ask Lisa to send one. I'll PM you what I have for Bob and you can let me know if the card comes back as undeliverable! :~)

Will wee see Miss Vee this week, or is that HER call?

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 03:01 PM

Just back from an adventure at Walmart and the new Tractor Store. Lots of places to sit in the Tractor store so that went well. At WallyWorld, I used a scooter....not only was it fun but it handled well and I got all of my shopping done (Pete helped). I saw lots of people and I think I spent more time visiting than shopping.

It was good to get out!

Benefit of chemo: I can only eat 2 (at the most) Milano cookies at a time...where as I used to inhale a good portion of the bag!

And Veronica? She is 17 now and gorgeous. Her birth mother has made sure that her life is a mess but I think she's handling herself rather well. I don't know if she'll want to come to church on Saturday or not....I'm hoping she will but yes, it is her call! I can't wait to hug her close!!!!!!!!!   

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 03:51 PM

Keep up the good work, Michelle. Taking advantage of those high spots will help the process pass faster.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Mar 10 - 06:49 PM

ditto

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 07:10 AM

Re: Vee/Sat

I bet you can figure out how to convey for us how much we would LOVE to see her, without it being any pressure. GET PIX!!!!

~The CSs

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 08:24 AM

I bet that first hug from Veronica will do more good towards your healing than anything else in the world. Those years of stability with you were not wasted, Michelle. She is stronger for it. Enjoy every minute with her. And yes - we want pictures.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 08:34 AM

Very restless and emotionally draining night last night. I kept dreaming that all the people I love had cancer. I dreamed the Pete had to get a port and being that that procedure was especially hard for me, that freaked me out. I woke up crying 4 times last night. FOUR.

Something with me is so off (let the jokes begin)....very weepy. I know it's the meds. It has to be the meds.

I need a decent night's sleep. SOON.

Michelle

PS. About Veronica and photos....are you kidding? LOL It'll be worse than prom night here with all the cameras going off!!!! And that hug? I can't wait for it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 08:51 AM

As you know, dreams reflect the thoughts and feelings and anxieties rolling round our minds. And the meds can magnify the feelings and the tendency to dream!

Hang in there, sweetie-

Do you know about Dinotopia? Wonderful books with wonderful illustrations, but the best thing about them was the blessing spoken on parting: Breathe deep, seek peace.

It is often my middle-of-the-night mantra.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 09:50 AM

I finally signed up for Flickr and have downloaded just a few pictures this morning...thought you might like to see them! My friend Kate likes to call these: Grace Under Fire (which I love!).

Lily's Photos

Be warned! Goofy Bald Person Ahead!


Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 12:28 PM

I know YOU plan to have pix but make no mistake WE want them too. But only IF Veronica is willing to be seen. I'll settle for a pic of you LOOKING AT her-- she can take that one! :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is "on board" chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 08:31 PM

I received a package today from a local women's cancer group...it contained a small angel made of baby yarn....kinda of like a corn doll but made of pink and white yarn that is SO SOFT. :) I feel loved.

Also, I added some photos of Veronica today...ones from when she lived here a few years back and of more recent ones that she has shared with me. I will definitely share photos from when she is here...no worries about that!!!

Lily's Photos

Love you guys!!!!

Michelle who listened to Allison's CD today....the first one you sent....besides the singing, I absolutely love the drumming!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Mar 10 - 09:25 PM

Michelle, thanks for the pix. The one of you with the port is stunning...so much expression on your face. You are so beautiful, esp. your eyes and smile...there IS much grace there. Amazing woman is what you are, m'dear.

Veronica looks beautiful, too. Please do NOT feel any pressure about her visit, pix, etc. WE can be patient! :-) If you only have her for the weekend and, depending on how you feel, if all you can manage is to be home and visit with her, I think that would be wonderful and good for you and her. Sometimes being alone with someone we love so much can be best, esp. when it's only for a short time.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continue
From: Rowan
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 12:38 AM

Well, LF, the after effects of your port looked a bit more serious than anything I'd come across. With luck you'll get used to the meds and their weep-inducing abilities may fade. It's hard to predict because every type of cancer is different (along with their relevant meds) and for every ten people with the same-named cancer there's likely to be ten variations on how they affect those with that cancer.

A bit like adolescence, or aging or learning or most other things that are important to us.

But you sound, overall, like you're on a winning streak; all power to your elbow! Again!

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 12:46 AM

The one of you with the port is stunning...so much expression on your face. You are so beautiful, esp. your eyes and smile...there IS much grace there.

what Kat said! But I couldn't have put it so well. I was thinking that would be the picture to be carried in a wallet (pocketbook)

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Severn
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 02:52 AM

One day in the shower, getting ready to go to the Wharf Rat shanty sing in Baltimore, my hair started coming out in uneven clumps, so I headed out to get it all shaved off. I put on a big Irish tweed cap and went to the sing.

I introduced my head to the public in song. They gave me the second song of the night and I changed the words to the shanty I was belting out in the last verse where I swept off my cap and sang:

I'm a bald headed son
Of the Wild Goose Nation

Haul away, haul away,
haul away, hold HARD!

And I got this way
From my Chemo medication

Haul away me boys,
Haul away!

There exists a photo taken by Catter wincingdevil that shows the hat just pulled off of my newly bald head and a number of the crowd gasping. There was another picture taken at the next weeks sing that had me singing with wincingdevil and Brad Howard from Pyrates Royale, with the three chrome-domed men dubbed "The Annapolis Pawn Shop Trio". I'll try to find a way to bring them up from wincingdevil's site. Unlike you, Michelle, I didn't have a port to show those seadogs and shedogs at the Nautical Sings (and others)...

Just unveil it with a flourish and act proud.

Of course, in a couple of months the timing between chemo sessions ended up as such that I stopped being able to make sings, for the most part, as the dishrag days increased.

And yes, of course, renewal time came up and my driver's liscence still has a picture to remind me, so I keep a much hairier picture on a Visa Card opposite it in my wallet.

More chemo sobby-stories to come....

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 03:36 AM

Sandra - I left much the same comment on that picture. Who can look at the scar when your eyes are hogging the scene.

Michelle has the most wonderful eyes.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 03:38 AM

oops... I meant Kat

OK nobody post next... save number 700 for Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 08:03 AM

GO TAM!!!

   I won't post!!!

Severn, I LOVE the way you shared your bald head with the world. I pretty much keep it under a hat unless I'm at home, with family or ONCE I braved an out of town dinner with no hat. The only person who really looked hard at me was a man wearing a really bad wig!!! LOL

    The port incision has healed up nicely and I may be able to go swimming within the next couple of days! The nick where the tubing went in hasn't quite healed up....it's still ugly but it is healed enough to hit the pool!

    Rowan...I was pretty battered when they finished and OMGosh I was SORE.....only in my neck area though. The port area was tender but nothing like the pain in my neck. Thankfully, that has subsided. The tubing lets me know it's there if I look up too fast or stretch my chin to high to reach for a kiss from my husband, but otherwise, it's doing well AND really does make a BIG difference (positively) in getting my chemo. :)

    The picture of me showing the port scars is kind of haunting to me. I know I still have weight to lose but my body and my face look so thin to me...and pale. And yeah, I think my eyes, in that photo, are expressing concern. My mom tells me it doesn't look like me anymore.

    Had another bizarre dream last night. This time I was at the hospital and they were going to plunge a thick needle into my heart for a biopsy. I got up off the table and ran away. Then I woke up for a few hours! Feel back to sleep and had a much better dream about a friend who passed 11 years ago....it was good to see him!!!

   It looks to be the beginning of a beautiful spring day and I'm feeling good!!!!!! YAY

Enjoy the day everybody!!!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 08:26 AM

Happy Tuesday all. I am a work and can't access the pictures. Tonight.

Might not be a bad idea to keep a dream diary, Michelle. Write it down as soon as you wake up. There are details that fade within minutes. After a few weeks you'll see patterns and motifs reappearing. It may give you some insight into what your mind is trying to process while you sleep.
Some of your fears are obvious; others may be much subtler. The diary gives you a bit of control over the process.

So good to see you happy!
Enjoy!
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 08:57 AM

You are a beautiful lady, in every sense of the world. Bless you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 10:01 AM

LF, these scary dreams are normal, tho of course upsetting, but the one about everyone you love being sick... it came to me this AM to ask if it might be helpful to you (at some point) to write something.

I'm thinking how you and Bonnie have lost so many dear ones to cancer. [wincing, speaking softly] In our community, as you know, we all stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before us. Sweetie, those dear ones were your role models... how they lived, how they battled, how they grew in grace.... how beautiful they were...

Might it help you, now, to write them "thank you notes" praising what you learned from each of them? Privately, or here.... a tribute from which others might also learn in the future. Yeah, I know, thoughts like that were probably part of your Relay for Life times.... but it looks a little different, now?

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 10:39 AM

What did I learn from others who went before me?

My first thought is that I learned to not hesitate in my treatment. My sweetest great, great aunt had signs, really obvious signs that something was wrong and yet she opted to not go to the Dr. As a result, she died.

I learned from a woman named Grace who I used to deliver Meals on Wheels to that it really is up to each person to decide if they want to seek medical treatment. Although I disagreed with her, she had watched her husband suffer through medical tortures for 8 years in search of a way to help him live longer. She did not want to put herself through that and decided to just live each day as it came on her own terms. I developed an intense respect for her.....not so much of an understanding in agreement kind of way, but an understanding that maybe some people CHOOSE NOT to get treatment for their own reasons based on something other than fear.

Al. A man who lived life in a BIG way. He worked hard and played harder. When he found out he had cancer, he made a visit to Father Cootiesniffer and set whatever things right that he had in mind. I know he suffered greatly in his final days. I don't know what I learned from his being sick other than losing someone you love that much hurts for years and his picture still remains beside my mother's bed.

Jackie. Never knew she was sick until she was almost gone. She chose to keep things to herself and that's ok too. We all have to deal with this the best we know how...for her, it was keeping things tucked away.

Bette. Bette never gave up. She went through countless treatments, sought out second and third opinions, she spent months recooperating from certain procedures and she kept going. She went to auctions, she made the annual trip to the lake with her gal pals, she kept teaching and coaching, she had her portrait taken in her favorite colors, she went out without her hat when she was bald....her spirit was always UP. I found myself sometimes thinking that I couldn't imagine she was sick.....she sparkled and laughed. And then one day, she just couldn't do it anymore and she was gone. Her body gave out long before her spirit did.

I met someone yesterday at Matt Baker's office while I was getting my handicapped sticker (yep...temporary for the days when my bones hurt)...she helped me fill out the paperwork (can't write much at a time for now as my fingers all tingle and are kinda numbish) and when I went to leave, she gave me a card to keep in my wallet that lists all the things that cancer can't do.

I spent over an hour on the phone yesterday with a woman who will be speaking on Wednesday night at American Cancer Support Group Meeting (at SSMH if you want to go). She and I actually connected through a friend of a friend when I first started down this road. She is a teacher of nurses...she knows the technical nitty gritty stuff and she often scared me with information, although it really was stuff I needed to know. Now, she answers my questions that I have after being entrenched in this stuff. Are my bones becoming brittle due to this treatment that hurts me so much? Can I take XYZ vitamins? How do I stop this? What do you think of that? She is a source of information, love, prayer, encouragement and firm believer in passing it forward. She is a survivor of ovarian cancer, staged higher than mine...10 years now and going strong. She is an inspiration to me and I am thankful for her.

Tracy. A new friend with a Stage 4 diagnosis who does everything with grand style and a blunt attitude that lays it all on the line, telling it like it is and making the daily choice to get in as much fun as she can.

There are more people, for sure.....Kristy, the mother of 4 with Stage 4 cancer and her husband who sits calmly beside her in chemo....both of them calm, full of love and openness to talk to a newbie who is so scared she can't breathe.

I could go on and on....all these people with so much to offer and have been given a crap hand to deal with...they inspire me and help me to find the calm within myself when I'm just about absolutely sure there isn't any calm left anymore.

If I've learned anything at all so far, it's that the things you THINK are important, ususally aren't with the exception of your faith and love of those around you. All that petty stuff? All those deadlines? All those bills that are due? Snide comments from people in a huff? All the inconviences? They are nothing.

The hand to hold during a painful procedure? A card in the mail? A long hug and a box of Kleenes? Someone saying a prayer for you? Laughing until you cry? Someone who calls every day to check on you? Someone who doesn't get frustrated when you cry? Someone who rejoices in a good blood test result? Someone who drives you to your appointment even though you are sobbing like a baby and screaming that you don't want to go without telling me to shut up? Someone who makes sure you have something to eat when you can't manage to get enough oomph to get yourself to the kitchen, let alone cook something? Someone who will go out of their way to pick up some groceries for you or a prescription? Someone who remembers to ask the Dr. questions that you wanted to ask but forgot? And someone who will let you fall completely into their arms when the world is so painful and scary and offer you nothing but love and reassurance?

THAT IS WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 10:57 AM

Yes it is.
I remember speaking with Rick Fielding at the Getaway about a phone call years earlier. I wanted to be sure he understood what was going on in my life when he called. He smiled and said very simply and gently "Mary, that doesn't matter."

So a benefit of cancer is figuring out what matters. That works.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 11:00 AM

As for it looking a little different now...of course it does. I'm the one in the big chair. I'm the one covered in bruises, the one who can't sleep peacefully, the one who has to leave some places because the smell makes me sick, the one who craves pie, asks for it, Pete makes it and then I can't eat it, the one who loves to bend her body into pretzels and can't do it anymore...at least for now, the one who has to look at the port needle so I'm sure no medical professional ever puts in a different kind of needle (port needles are thick, bent and a little over an inch long...scary looking things), the one who has to now ask for rides and help, the one who had to think just this morning if she had enough energy to ride to Wegmans and go to lunch, the one who has to schedule time with friends according to when her immune system is up and even then it's a crap shot to if I'm feeling well. I could go on and it's not a pity party...it's just the fact of my life at this moment.

Now I'm the one who has to decide if I'm well enough and will be well enough to bring a baby into this house. Will I be able to care for a baby properly for a long time to come? Would Pete be ok raising a baby on his own if need be? I'm the one who has to remember now that the cancer is gone. It is OUT OF MY BODY. Chemo, harsh though it may be, is a preventative in my situation. I am going through this to wipe out any remote possibility of any lingering microscopic cells in my body. I know it's working too as my hair has all but fallen out completely....it's killing the fast growing hair cells and it's killing any other fast growing cells too...INCLUDING CANCER CELLS.

Sometimes I take photos of where I am in my treatment from right where I'm sitting....in a hospital bed, in the chemo chair, in the car....but just a photo of what I can see from where I sit....this is my life kind of photo.

One of the largest differences being in the cancer seat instead of a friend/family/caregiver seat is that I have to make the decision every day to get up and live my life, focus on what is good, to enjoy my day and not take it for granted. I am thankful for every second that I am feeling well, all the laughter I can find and all the love in my life.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 11:18 AM

Michelle. There you are!

THANK YOU.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 09:39 PM

It's been a good day!!!

I feel good!

Two wigs that I like!

A day out with my mom!!

YOGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 12:49 AM

How is it possible to be so exhausted and not able to sleep?

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 03:13 AM

Michelle, I was in hospital last year for sleep tests & was too exhausted to sleep!

I nod & doze a lot (which is why I stopped driving 30 years ago not long after I got my licence!) & my Dr thought I might have epilepsy so sent me to a specialist who tested & scanned & decided I didn't quite fit the symptoms so sent me to the Epilepsy Neurology (sp?) Dept at a nearby hospital for overnight tests so they could see what my brain waves were doing when I nodded or dozed.

Due to lack of staff I wasn't covered with electrodes when I arrived, so eventually I slept (& I use that word loosely) untethered in the worse & narrowest bed in the world, with the worse pillows in the world.

The staff who were going to tether me as soon as they arrived at 7.30am finally arrived mid morning & stuck electrodes all over my head, in hair almost long enough to sit on! & I spent the rest of the day desperately tired but unable to nod off or even sleep.

They wanted to keep me in another night when I was only booked in for 2 days & 1 night, & would remove the electrodes immediately at 7.30 when staff arrived.

I had plans for the following day & did not expect the staff to arrive at 7.30am as they were short staffed, & besides I needed to sleep in a proper bed with proper comfy pillows ...

So I went home.

and slept.

sleep tight, Michelle

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 03:42 AM

Micelle

You need "em dolphins"... read my pm and you will understand what I mean. They are very relaxing.

Get Pete to lightly caress your back and neck. Tickling light.

You will see what I mean.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 09:54 AM

This poem was written by Mary Oliver, one of my favorite poets. I think it's fitting for the luscious spring day!

Spring

Somewhere
a black bear
has just risen from sleep
and is staring

down the mountain.
All night
in the brisk and shallow restlessness
of early spring

I think of her,
her four black fists
flicking the gravel,
her tongue

like a red fire
touching the grass,
the cold water.
There is only one question:

how to love this world.
I think of her
rising
like a black and leafy ledge

to sharpen her claws against
the silence
of the trees.
Whatever else

my life is
with its poems
and its music
and its cities,

it is also this dazzling darkness
coming
down the mountain,
breathing and tasting;

all day I think of her –
her white teeth,
her wordlessness,
her perfect love.


~ Mary Oliver ~


(House of Light)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 10:14 PM

Did ya sleep today, darlin'? Sounds as though you might have overdone it just a bit, yesterday.:-) It is wonderful to see you so *up* though!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Mar 10 - 10:45 PM

No sleep last night. No sleep today except for a 30 minute snooze on Mom's couch. It's getting to be that time of day and I've made sure that I'm in comfy jammies, that the room is cool and I took an Ambien about an hour ago. I decided I'd give it 2 more tries and if it doesn't work, then I'll ask for something else.

I'm so tired that my body is just heavy.

Went to a cancer support meeting today.....a woman spoke about surviving ovarian cancer....had to choke back some tears....had to leave the room once (got sick) but overall, I'm glad I went. I got to meet people who I only ever talk to on the phone, I cut loose and went bald...talked to lots of people, learned new things and had a good time!

I wish they met more than the once a month...what an incredible group of people.

Ok...I'm off to bed.

Much love to you all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 05:09 AM

love & best wishes for some soothing sleep

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 08:02 AM

Love and lullabyes, my dear!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 08:12 AM

Sleep, Michelle. You have earned it.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 11:42 AM

corrected post

===

JUST for LF--

As an FYI, to consider--

There are times when you can just trust that you will sleep when you really need to. (Some of that sleep happens when we think we are awake-- dreaming that we are up. You oughtta see us-- Fr CS will swear he's been up all night when I'VE been "up all night reading" and hearing him snore.)

As long as you do not have to drive, tend a small baby, be in court, work, or dispose of a dead body, it's actually OK not to sleep. A week of that punctuated by a night of sleep-aids is actually "enough" as long as we are not required by circumstance to be at our best.

It will feel like crap, but it IS part of the rhythm. You can just practice relaxing during the duh-time, or put your attention on something engaging and positive. My own experience has been that when I do that (Folk College WAS that), I am as well-rested as if I had slept deeply.

It counts as HEALING rest.

I am sure this post all FEELS like bullshit-- I KNOW it will to 99% of you-- but I know lots of folks living it. Me included.

~Susan
cc: Fr CS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 10:08 PM

Mission sleep accomplished. Today was a good day, still some lingering leg pain but better. I went to lunch with some church friends, visited another friend, ran into another local friend who is going through chemo...we compared port experiences and side effects...strange thing to do I suppose but it feels good to be able to share that with someone who is there. She had a rough time with her port too. I've decided that they must place the port according to what chemo treatment you get. Her tubing goes close to her heart, my goes in my neck. Let's see...then I did some grocery shopping...used a sled to haul the bags of stuff down the hill to the house. We don't have snow but it slides equally well on all the mud!!!!

Tomorrow we go to get Veronica at a bus station about 2 hours away...I can't wait to see her and from her emails to me, I think she's feeling the same way!!!! I can't wait to wrap my arms around her!!!! Anyway, she's good for my spirits!!!!

About the sleep stuff....I get that rest, even while awake, can be healing but my body was feeling so heavy and cranky and tired....just bone weary tired...I desperately needed that night of sleep. It was SO good to wake up and feel refreshed.....to just lay in bed and listen to the birds and feel my body go ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Good night all!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continue
From: Rowan
Date: 18 Mar 10 - 11:25 PM

Good night all!!!
And may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.


Well, Mudcat is a music forum.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 12:54 PM

sorry, corrected post

===

LF, as you have probably gathered from knowing me for a number of years, sometimes what I pass along is not meant as "I say do this now," but is conveyed as info only--for possible use later and always guided by your own best thinking.

In that vein, a comment in a recent post of yours has had me thinking (reflecting, praying, cogitating). And it was a comment about going forward with a child. My vote is to go for it. One huge reason is that the chemo thing-- this whole struggle-- is in so many ways the perfect preparation for raising a small one. It's the stuff no book larnin' or professional experience (which I know you have in abundance) can teach you.

Most of us parental beings learn that stuff with our first child, and then relax for the second, etc. You will have a leg up on that, because that first year's learning for most new parents is about enjoying time, strategizing HOW to meet all the REAL needs, and not sweating the small stuff.

The cancer role models you listed so eloquently (were your teeth gritted?), and the learnings you listed, add up not only to a CA survivor-- but to a fine parent so many first-time parents must yet learn to be.


So please, on behalf of a world full of f*cked-up kids raised by well-meaning amateurs, share all that and pass it along to some kids, in some way-- if possible, in the home and life you have been building for them.


Oh, and Pete? On his own? What makes you think he'd be left on his own? :~)

~Susan

CC You Know Who (YKW)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 01:09 PM

Morning check in Michelle.
Today will be a great day for you. You will have your "baby" back. Enjoy every minute together.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: gnu
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 02:21 PM

Nice to hear the update upbeat!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 06:42 PM

Michelle, the most important work you have to do is take care of yourself. I know you know that, but it never hurts to be reminded. We women have a tendency, imo, of putting ourselves last and then getting into trouble, even if it is well-meant. It is important that you feel free to disregard any of our suggestions and not feel overwhelmed by them. And, feel free to tell us to back off if it comes to that.*bg*

It is really neat you are going to see Veronica esp. when you are having such good days. TWO wigs you like? Whoo-hoo!

More good sleep to you and a fun-filled weekend.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 07:55 PM

Veronica is sitting across the living room from me typing away on her laptop!!!! We picked her up at the bus station this afternoon and on the 2 hour ride home, we chatted non-stop. We stopped for a nice dinner, got home, introduced the dogs to Veronica and are now happily relaxing...some chit chat but also just sitting, enjoying each other a a moment to breathe.

I have to tell you...I am exhausted but I don't care. I am about the happiest woman in the world to have my Veronica sitting in the same room with me. She is absolutely beautiful in every way imaginable.

I never thought this day would come.

:) :) :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 08:01 PM

I remember those days, Mi

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Mar 10 - 08:03 PM

Where did the rest of my post go???

I am laughing and crying for both of you. Enjoy every minute together.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 01:17 AM

Good luck with all of that, Michelle! Your port and your cup runneth over! ;-D

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 08:00 AM

Been in Cognito for a few busy days but I'm so happy to see you and Veronica so happy! Tell us more when you're ready!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 08:13 AM

The house is quiet. My husband is outside with the dogs doing his chores and Veronica is somewhere in dreamland. It's an incredible feeling just to know she's in the house, safe and happy. :)

I learned a lot about the boyfriend yesterday and as it turns out, she's picked a quiet boy....much like my husband. She has plans for the future that are reasonable and within reach for her and I am so very proud of the young woman that she has become!!!! She is absolutely beautiful inside and out!!!!!

For the first time in what feels like forever, I woke up thinking about something besides the cancer. My first thought was that Veronica is here, in our home and I stayed in bed just a little longer smiling to myself in the sunshine.

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 12:28 PM

So you slept well too. Veronica is the best thing that could happen to you right now. It is wonderful that she has found her way. At seventeen she has her whole exciting life ahead of her. So do you.
Love to you. Pete and Veronica.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Mar 10 - 09:56 PM

We've had a WONDERFUL day!!!!!

My mom and I took Veronica shopping for baby clothes and for a few outfits for her too. She's been craving pizza so we took her (and Pete too) to an all you can eat pizza buffet....15 different kinds of pizza, salad, pasta....whatever she wanted!!! We talked and talked...lots of laughter....a really nice afternoon!!! Later Veronica and I went to church...about a 40 minute drive....and we had some really good conversations...on the way home, it was one of those conversations where we could have driven long into the night. We stopped in the middle of our country road, put the car in park, turned off all the lights and sat admiring the stars and talking.

I got sick twice today but was determined to not let it ruin our visit.

It's been a day I will remember for a very long time.

Michelle :)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 08:31 AM

How wonderful! Thanks for telling us about it.
Now you can savor it forever.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 09:06 AM

simple pleasures

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 09:21 AM

Simple pleasures is right!!!!

Veronica loves to bake cakes so today we will be baking cakes and preparing for a family BBQ....ribs, coleslaw, homemade baked beans, potato salad and cake! I can't wait to spend some time in the kitchen with her....it will be fun!

I have to say, she's still sleeping at this moment (we went to bed really late) but just knowing she is here brings a feeling of such contentment.....like everything in the world is right and as it should be.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 10:51 AM

Baby clothes shopping?
LOL
I have visions of simultaneous nausea - morning sickness and chemo blahs.
Boy or a girl? Or is it too soon to know? Auntie Jacqui will need some notice for a baby shawl. Auntie SINS will need some notice for an appropriate item of Maine hideobilia...maybe not.
A baby! I am so pleased for you, Michelle. Something good is happening amid all your difficulties.
I love babies. Spoil them, feed them candy and when they are all sticky and cranky give them back to Mom.
I see a lot of spoiling in Baby's future.
Congratulations, Granny.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 11:02 AM

Yes!!!! Baby clothes shopping!!! We had SO much fun and more importantly, SHE had fun!!!! My mom was along too so it was a total girls day out!!!!

Veronica is having a boy...she brought ultra sound pictures along and right now, he looks like a little rotisserie chicken! So far, she and the daddy haven't decided on a name other than he doesn't want a "Jr."
She is JUST beginning to show....this little tiny tummy....so sweet!!! And she says she isn't feeling any kicking yet as it's still pretty early but that sometimes she feels some fluttering like a little butterfly is in there. He's due to arrive September 4th!!!!!

YAY!!!!!

She is all excited this morning as Pete is going to take her out and show her how to drive up and down these back roads....making memories!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 12:25 PM

Grandbabies are a REAL motivation to soldier through and get lots better, which you've been doing anyway, but NOW, oh wow, are you in for some future fun! Congratulations!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: jacqui.c
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 02:45 PM

Congratulations to you and to Veronica, Michelle. My son was born on September 5th, my grandson, his nephew, on September 3rd. That's a good time for babies to be born!

As one who had her first baby at 17 I can say that there are definite advantages to 'growing up' with your children. Veronica will, obviously have lots of love and support to help her and, with your example, will no doubt prove to be a wonderful mother.

Look forward to holding the new grandbaby for the first time - that it an amazing experience!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 08:24 PM

I wish I had more time to let this sit in memory for savoring and fine-tuning, but I don't, so....

I just have to say how really lovely Veronica is-- I'll warrant it's not just LF's rosy view. She was a gorgeous child, and all that has remained... but with the added richness of a maturing woman. The pix do not do her justice-- she has to be seen in motion. This physical beauty, however, is NOTHING compared to the breadth and sunniness of her smile beaming back at Michelle.

V has been thru so much. She has retained, like a diaphanous garment of beautifully impermeable chain-mail, all the goodness that she has ever received. And you can see in her face that she knows that a big piece of that-- it may be the biggest/prolly is-- is connected to this place, these people, and this woman (and I am sure, Pete).


Hardi and I see so many, here. grow up. Most of them grow up fine-- it's am amazing community most of you will never fathom because you would have to spend a fair amount of time here to catch it. But the thing is, they don't quite often come out like Miss Vee.

She will have challenges, and she will have pain. Life is like that. But the spirit with which she will meet it-- well, we hope to see her again, and often.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 09:53 PM

Susan,

    That was beautiful. Thank you!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 10:53 PM

:~) Perhaps V might appreciate knowing what kinds of things are going thru my mind when I "stare" at people. (I "stared" at a young man last week and THAT all became a useful and detailed letter of reference.)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 01:58 AM

Sounds like a couple of great days. And a lot to look forward to!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 08:47 AM

Good morning, Lily. We had a glorious weekend in Maine. rain or shine, I know yours was just as glorious.
Happy Monday!
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 03:24 PM

I am about the happiest woman in the world to have my Veronica sitting in the same room with me. She is absolutely beautiful in every way imaginable.

So very happy with you and for you, Michelle. And a bit envious too.

Baby on the way... What grand news. Even more fun stuff to look forward too. And so brilliant that you woke without the first thought of the day being one to do with cancer. I have been waiting for that.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 07:05 PM

Susan, your message was passed on before your post!! :)

Miss Veronica is now back in NYC, having left our company around noon. I am so grateful to have had this past weekend with her!!!! It was sad to see her off but we already have plans for another visit in June!!!!

At the breakfast table this morning we talked about what the baby will call us (she posted stuff about us on Facebook as the 2nd grandparents) and I'm going to be a Nana!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!

Everything about this weekend was wonderful and some memories were made....ones that I have blogged about almost incessantly as I don't want to forget even a minute of it. I'm finding that with the chemo, my short term memory is affected....so yep...lots of blogging.

And yes, I miss her already!!!!!! *soft smile*

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 08:38 PM

my memory has always been bad so I write lots of notes - I really must do something about them, lots will be out of date!

I recently bought a small tray so the notes on my computer desk could stay tidy, but full sized sheets of paper overwhelmed the little tray. Dunno whether to lift them to see what lurks below.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 08:44 PM

Nana Sullivan was the matriarch of our family until her death. She brought her family (13/8 lived) thru the influenza epidemic and the Depression with a will of iron.
Nana is a wonderful title. Wear it with grace.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 10:42 AM

when my grandson was on the way my daughter asked me what I wanted the baby to call me. My reply was to call me by my name, Jacqui, but that was immediately put down by Mum to be! in the end I settled for Nanny, a title of which I am extremely proud.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 10:56 AM

My grandson, Morgan, gave us no choice. He started calling me "Mama" as soon as he was able. He knew "Mom" was my daughter, but she was never "Mama." We tried "GrammaKat" which is what my boyz back East call me and we tried "Gramma, but he always changed it to "Mama."

It's going to be so much fun for you, Michelle!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 11:13 AM

My brother's grandsons call him Pal. So funny.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: GUEST,tam logged out
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 03:14 PM

My older brother called our maternal grandmother "Gammy." So we (all siblings) did too. The cousins thought we were weird because we called her Gammy and they called her Grandma.

I like Gammy. It is unusual.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 03:17 PM

That's cute, Sins. I need to make a correction: my boyz back East, Elijah and Akira, call me GrammaKitKat! My sister gets called "Nona" because her first grandchild was born in Italy and they all liked the Italian form. Now, all of her grandkids know her as Nona. My mom was Grammy.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 05:53 PM

I never met any of my grandparents, so I have nothing to share for that. Since my ex is Puerto Rican, the kids grandparents on his side were Abuelo (he died about 15 years ago) and Abuela (and she's about 90 now). My mother was "grandma" and my dad was "granddad" when the kids got a chance to visit with them, or when we referred to them.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 07:41 AM

I agree- you'll be called what the baby decides to call you. What a blessing, lovie- savor the memories and look forward to June!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: jacqui.c
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 08:03 AM

Actually, my granddaughter knows me as 'Nanny In America'. At least, that was how a recent package was addressed! It's shortened to Nanny when we get together.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 10:59 AM

Kinda feeling like holing up today.

A friend had asked if she could go to chemo with me next week and so I sent details regarding appointment times, etc. She backed out. I'm bummed. I was really looking forward to going with her.

Oh well.

Life goes on and so will my chemo.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 11:13 AM

When does your chemo end, Lily? Counting down to completion usually helps me when I'm down. You've had a really UP weekend so a reaction is not a surprise.
Your friend should have asked before offering. Maybe she can join you another time. Maybe she's just not comfortable with and it is probably better and kinder to stay away.
Meantime, some rest is not a bad thing.
I am sending a bit of Maine hideobilia to Pete. Maybe that will cheer you up.
Love,
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 12:51 PM

I guess.

I did have a GREAT weekend but it also ended with Veronica asking if I would teach her how to knit next time she comes and we made plans for June. So, yeah, it was hard to say goodbye but I know she will be back and about 10 minutes after she left, I was ok. It's just that this is the second friend to back out after making a big deal about wanting to go with me. I get excited and then they back out so I'm just disappointed. It's not a big deal. I think maybe I won't take anyone else up on their offer to go. My neighbor who wanted to be so helpful and was just about begging for something to do hasn't been heard from since then. So hm.

It's not even that I NEED a ride or the company, it's that I want it. I don't really NEED my neighbor's help but was looking forward to getting to know her better. I'm ok for all but about a week out of my 28 day cycle. I'm planning for the down time this time....I know what to expect from my body, I'm used to being bald (and am going out in public that way if I am too hot with a hat on), I have a handicapped placard so I can go out if I need to and be close to the door and have used the scooters at the store so I know I can do that too. I am currently getting EVERYTHING in the house laundered so all the clothes are clean, sheets and towels are all fresh and I am working on a menu of things that I can make in the next few days and freeze for the nights when it hurts too much to walk to the kitchen, let alone cook...all I'll have to do is throw something in the oven. I don't like the idea of Pete working all day and coming home to have to cook for both himself and me.

So...I'm ok and am planning ahead so I don't have to count on people who back out. It's frustrating and disappointing.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 01:03 PM

I think folks mean well when they offer and they do it because they feel it is the right thing to do. Then they think twice and may be too embarrassed to be honest and call to say I'm sorry I just can't do this, it's too scary for me, or whatever. They may beat themselves up thinking how in the world can they been scared when compared to what you are going through. It doesn't excuse them, but it is human nature. It's too bad they have done so, though.

Good for you for planning ahead and getting so much done! You continue to be an incredible inspiration!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 01:29 PM

LF, coupla suggestions.

1. Chemo buddies. Well, aren't the best chemo buddies the other patients anyway? How *I* would handle offers to come along-- "Thanks; I usually enjoy spending that time with my chemo buds, but if you want to drop in and spend some time, here's the schedule. What I'd really LOVE would be to be able to chat with you there or on the drive, if you can call me that day?"

2. Goals. In the 28-day cycle there must be goals you want to accomplish. OK, the daily view of what can get done is going to lead to frustration, but if you write the goals for each 28-day cycle as it comes, and post them, you will be surprised to see that they do actually come true, maybe not on the day you might have thought you would LIKE to do them, but you will see them advance. (People here will take note and track it with you, I bet.)

3. 28-day cycles. Well hell, you have been on one type of cycle for a long time. There are bound to be some remnants floating around in the back of your head-- the pain and hassle of the old cycle. If you do a compare/contrast list, the current cycle will be better under the control of your intentionality. And that will support the goals.

YMMV.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 01:50 PM

Susan,
I don't want to wait until the day of to know if someone is going to go or not. Yes, chemo buds are good but truth be told, it's still a scary thing to go to and having a friend along makes the whole world better, you know?

A goal for every 28 days? I have issues setting a goal for each day...can't focus that much at a time...chemo fog/chemo brain...whatever you want to call it. I have no idea what I want to accomplish in the next 28 days other than to not get sick with a cold or something like that. Also, it's sometimes..ok...most times hard to accomplish the goals I set for the day because my idea of what I want to get done and what my actual energy level will allow haven't had a meeting of the minds just yet....I can't remember a day lately when I did everything I wanted to do/get finished. I've learned to say, oh well...it will be there tomorrow.

And the last part...I'm not sure what you mean.

Kat,
I'm not sure that people back out because they are afraid...maybe that's true. I know I didn't want to walk down the chemo halls looking at people who I thought would be all pale, thin, groaning in pain and close to death...I didn't want to see it...so maybe you are right.

Maybe I'm just having a bad day. I'm tired. I'm really kind of put off with people not following through and just want to say the hell with it...I'll do it myself. Add crabby and unreasonable to the list.

Susan....can you elaborate more about the list and intentionality thing?

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 03:13 PM

Susan....can you elaborate more about the list and intentionality thing?

LF, yes, I can do it by posing a couple of questions to consider-- but don't try to cionsider them today. COme back to them when things seem less difficult.

Answering them (even rewriting them first) is "merely" a way of setting one's intentionality in the direction of having/doing/seeing/being them.

1. What are the most important things you want to continue/look forward to/do before the next chemo?

2. Ditto, in a longer term-- say Spring. (By June 21.)

3. Ditto, before New Year's.

4. Ditto, for the next 5 years.

====


The answers do not need to make sense to anyone but you. The ones most worth sharing here are probably the near term (by the time of the next chemo, because those are the ones we can track with you.

If answers emerge for questions 2-4, it can be helpful to note them down in big letters where you will see them daily.


A friend of mine has another approach. It's similar, but instead of seeing the dreams and goals all the time, you do NOT see them. She has people make a list of all the things they want to ask God to do for/with them. On small scrap paper. As many pieces as it takes. The slips go into an envelope labeled "God's Pocket."

You date the envelope, seal it up tight, and put it away, trusting (or daring, LOL) God to act in ALL of those as is best for all concerned.

In a year you give yourself permission to look in there, and note how each thing turned out, what the blessings were, etc.. Those become one's thanksgivings. Then start a new set of slips in a new envelope.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 03:41 PM

What am I looking forward to before my next chemo treatment (which is next Wednesday, one week from today)?

I have a lunch date on Friday with 2 friends from high school...I'm looking forward to that.

Also, at my next chemo treatment, I am going to celebrate my birthday (a little early) by wearing a big purple crown! I'm also going to make cupcakes all decorated cute for Easter/Spring and my chemo IV pole and I are going to walk around the unit and pass them out! I am looking forward to that little bit of celebratory silliness! I'm planning on baking the cupcakes here and decorating them the night before while at the House of Care. I may even walk some over to the hospital for my ob/gyn oncologist/surgeon and his team! If I get really ambitious, I will take some up to the 7th floor where the nurses took such good care of me for a few days in January.

And I'm going to yoga tonight....I'm looking forward to that.

Something I'm going to do? I'm going to practice being a decent human being because the person that canceled for my next chemo appointment will most likely be at yoga tonight. That's my goal...to just let it go.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 04:40 PM

Add crabby and unreasonable to the list.

Both are allowed.:-) Don't beat yourself up and remember you do things in your own time when you have the energy both mental and physical.

I think it was CapriUni who told us a neat tradition of cutting strips of paper, old wrapping paper, etc. (supposed to start at the New Year) and one each day, write out an affirmation/thanksgiving/prayer/etc. Then put it away in a box or what have you. When Christmas comes, take them out and make a chain of them for decoration and reflection. I think she called it a Blessings Chain.

Enjoy yoga!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: jacqui.c
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 05:08 PM

Michelle - you are amazing, with such a realistic take on life. I think it's great that you are preparing for the next bout of chemo and thinking about how to help Pete, so that he doesn't have to come home from work and cook! At a time when you could be excused for thinking only of what is happening to you, you are showing a real generosity of spirit.

It is disappointing when friends and acquaintances let you down and not unreasonable to be crabby about it. Too many people make promises that they then are unable to keep but I bet, if ever you are on the other side of this street, you will be the one making sure that you keep your promise, knowing how it feels to have been let down.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 07:54 AM

It's also one thing for friends to make an impulsive offer out of love, and then to find out the time and distance involved and think about their own lives and time constraints- yes, they are being "selfish", but maybe they, too, are taking care of themselves. Yes, they shouldn'ta offered in the first place, but I bet they don't have any idea how it let you down.

Oh, I'm just trying to put a pretty light on it- of course you're disappointed! I wish I could drive you- we'd have fun in the car!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 08:08 AM

Yoga was great last night and I was able to do everything except one knee down twist to the right as it tugged at my port. The deal with my friend who backed out? She was there but I'm over it and managed my goal of being a decent human being just fine.

Had a bit of a rough night...started a new med and it's not agreeing with me....nausea that woke me up and is continuing on this morning.   Good thing I ate well this week because I think my eating is done for a day or two...ugh.

Also, Pete is sick with a cold. He rarely gets sick with anything so we're kind of a miserable lot this morning.

Anyway, the sun is trying to shine despite a cloudy sky, I got most of the laundry done yesterday and have NO plans for today other than to be at home (MAYBE yoga if I'm feeling better).

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 08:11 AM

Good morning, Michelle.
I bet it would be harder for you to tell your friend how disappointed you are that she backed out at the last minute than for her to tell you she changed her mind.
I wish I were nearby with Jacqui. I promise you we would be there on time and ready for any amount of silliness to make the day go by. We also know how to behave when the occasion calls for it.
Hang in there, girl.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Micca
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 01:06 PM

Lily. I suggest you thank your stars that THAT pair of nutters are too far away to Chauffer you, travelling with either or both is hilarious and not for the refined (or the delicate of health)such as your good self. I have been fortunate to travel by car with them and laughed continuously for the entire trip. When Jacqui and I visited a Tim Hortons in Portland (this has become a regular event on my visits) the staff came out of the kitchen en mass to see the 2 crazy Brits who had spent an hour drinking tea and laughing in the window seat! So it might be detrimental to your Port!! but as a Tonic?? you couldnt do better, I hope you are well as you can be and must add that reading this thread and your posts is an inspiration! to anyone
Micca

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 03:15 PM

Darlin... I am pro'lly preachin' to the choir, but want you to be very careful re Pete's cold. You don't have immune system that can cope with that just now.

big hugz...

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 07:00 PM

A road trip with Mary and Jacqui? That sounds like a blast!!!!!!   Micca, how lucky are YOU?!?!? I have a picture of riding along with you two and it makes me smile in a big way!!!!!

About Pete's cold. Yep. I know...my immune system is down (actually right now it's on the upswing...but still down from normal). He's just as worried about it as I am. We both wash our hands frequently and since he's started sniffling, he sleeps in another room and will only kiss me on the cheek.

It's been kind of a dreary day here so I went to hang out with Mom for the day. She was hanging new curtains and I helped her with some of the higher stuff where we needed a chair to reach. I can climb...her, not so much. We made soup, gabbed, took naps and played with the dog. I'm pretty tired today...maybe the chemo, maybe the weather...who knows....so I indulged in being kinda lazy today. I did do a little bit of grocery shopping, got the dishes done and another load of laundry now needs to be folded and put away.

6 more days to my half-way (chemo) point!!!! YAY!!!!

Time to make dinner....was thinking fish on the grill but it's raining and cold so I'm making spaghetti to warm our bellies.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 08:35 PM

Updated video coming soon....tonight if all goes well!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Micca
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 08:43 PM

Lily, an observation in passing, if you are making soup and a sandwich for your Mum, I discovered recently that Tomato soup and mashed banana sandwich is not a good combination!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 10:50 PM

Here's a link for my updated montage: My Journey Updated

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 02:38 AM

I had a very frustrating time watching it - before my iMAc was upgraded last month I couldn't see youtubes

then I could - but recently they've been stopping & starting continually. It's very difficult to watch something so moving when the pic keeps freezing & showing a little spinning logo. But I persevered.

thanks again for sharing your courageous story, Michelle.

sending virtual hugs & kisses

sandra (off to email my Mac expert)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 08:22 AM

You beautiful one!

(Sandra, PM sent)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 08:28 AM

Sandra,

   I'm sorry you had a hard time watching the video! Youtube does that here as well sometimes. I've found that if you click on the pause button and leave it for a minute or two and then click play, it runs much smoother. I don't know why but that does seem to help.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 09:03 AM

Good morning, Lily. Snow in Maine this morning. Not a lot, just a warning that we aren't out of it yet.
Hope the sun shines on you.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 10:49 AM

Thanks Michelle & Animaterra for the youtube explanation

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 11:43 AM

Sandra in S, the second time - the replay - runs perfectly smoothly. I have learned that if it 'buffers' continually to just walk away for a moment then rerun it.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 12:10 PM

Michelle, I have a co-worker going through chemo now (breast cancer). Chemo of course isn't easy, but she seems to have some really excellent conversations with her chemo peeps during the hours she's down there. She tweets from her chemo bed or chair or whatever that is. She has also been blogging about it and posting on facebook to keep us up to date.

I know how hard it is to even go to a chemo lab--you're confronting your own mortality and that of everyone else in the room. You know that it is a place filled with hope and life, and the suggestion above that the friends or neighbor simply drop by for a visit during your treatment might help them adjust, to understand, and then offer useful support as time passes.

Thanks for updating the video--Veronica is beautiful! (So are you!)

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 02:42 PM

It's not that I don't think friends shouldn't stop by, it's just that the chemo treatment takes place about 2 hours away from where I live. It's not practical to suggest just popping in, you know?

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: maeve
Date: 27 Mar 10 - 10:56 PM

Sent you a PM, Michelle.

Goodnight.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Mar 10 - 07:35 AM

"Cancer is a word, not a sentence." ~ John Diamond

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 Mar 10 - 08:18 AM

Hey! My post about the journal/montage from yesterday blew away. Hrumph? I forgot what I said. Sure it was properly supportive and all that.

So I will just echo what SRS said about the beautiful Veronica and you. Keep working towards wellness, Angel. There are lots of hands, hearts and minds helping you along the way. I am honoured to be one, even if in such a small way.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Mar 10 - 09:47 AM

Hey, Michelle... No fear of me poppin' in on you other than here...

Yer in my thoughts and prayers... Keep up the good work... This will pass...

Bobert

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 09:35 AM

Rainy day in Maine. Hope you are enjoying sunshine.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 11:46 AM

I went to a cooking class last night, learned how to make some Thai food....the night was fun and the food was incredible! At this very moment, I am having leftover Pad Thai. YUM.
    This morning I have decided to use every last bit of energy I have to get things done around here before I go away tomorrow. And then, yoga. :)
   
    I am determined to get everything done today. I don't care how tired I get....my to do list is going to get DONE!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 02:44 PM

Sending you loving vibes today...

love,
Allison

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continue
From: KT
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 03:05 PM

Michelle, sending good thoughts from way up here, too, for strength, courage, confidence, and well-being. Hope you get your stuff done, today, but if not, that's okay!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 04:38 PM

I can't imagine finishing my To Do list. There is always something else...

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 04:58 PM

LF,

Hey, maybe on the next cycle, you can be all set up to accept help offers for these last few days before travel-- for the really important to-do's that you want to be SURE get done. That might be on the scale that would work for folks who turn out not to feel like Danville is "commuter" range for them. Plus it would happen when you feel well enough to direct, and be clearly in charge, so the peeps can get to know your house and your preferences in case you need them on a less-able day in the cycle.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 07:14 PM

Very good idea. I vote you try that next time someone asks to help. It really will be help, and it will be on the scale that is easier for your neighbors there.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 09:38 PM

Well, I didn't get everything done nor did I go to yoga. I am frustrated with how quickly I get tired. I did get a good chunk of things done (dishes, 4 loads of laundry, swept the entire downstairs, mopped the living room, made meatloaf and chicken divan, talked to someone from NOCC, dusted and got half of my stuff packed). I'm too tired to do anything else...including eating dinner. BLah.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continue
From: KT
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 09:46 PM

Blah, yourself! you got a LOT done!!! Goodonya! Now repeat after me....    good on me!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Mar 10 - 09:58 PM

Good lord, sounds to me as if you got a TON of stuff done! Don't beat yourself up, darlin'...part of this lesson, which you are doing really well with, is learning self-love...that includes counting up all that you have done and telling yourself, "great job" the rest can wait. The house, laundry, etc. will be there. Right now, the only real thing that matters is YOU and your body...what it is telling you, i.e. rest now!**bg**

Don't ya just love all of us bossy b***#@&?!:-)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 01:48 AM

what you did today was what you were meant to do (or at least, that's what I always tell myself!)

love from sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: maeve
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 07:03 AM

Ummm...Michelle: what you completed is more than many people manage in a day WITHOUT the health challenge. You're making the rest of us look lazy, woman!

Rest easy and move along to something wonderful.

maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 08:17 AM

What maeve said!

Love to you, my dear

Allison

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 08:24 AM

I'm tired just reading about it.Get some rest, Superwoman.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 08:27 AM

I think I also need a rest - see you in 6 days when I get back from the National Folk Festival. 800+ posts - what will it be when I get back?

lots of love

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 08:39 AM

tsk tsk tsk.... Rest is the thing you need. I know how good it feels to accomplish everything on a TO DO list. But you need to make the number one TO DO - "Rest before the body gets tired." All that energy that could have been used to help you through chemo and you spent it on dust?

What's the matter wif you?!?!? Hruummph!

How'z that for biotching?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 08:41 AM

Kat...LOL!

KT, GOOD ON ME!!!!   :)

I know you guys are right. I just had in mind to get some other things finished so Pete wouldn't have to do them and so I wouldn't have to look at dust and clutter when I came home. My suitcase is packed and I will be away until Friday. I will only have access to the net until Wednesday afternoon so don't anyone worry!!!! :) Tomorrow will mark the half way point in chemo treatment...HOORAY!!!

One thing on my to do list was to make cupcakes to celebrate my birthday a little early. I decided I will make cupcakes for next time and we will celebrate a little late instead!!! I just ran out of steam.

Ok...onward with my day!!!

Love to you all!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Mar 10 - 10:30 AM

Well Happy upcoming Birthday!

I agree with the others, pace yourself, don't use all of your energy on the dust. I know looking at it can be annoying and you want to do something about it, but do what I do. Stay seated long enough and that feeling will pass.   ;-D

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 06:57 AM

Good morning to all you, my rays of sunshine!

Today I begin my 3rd chemo treatment, my halfway point...if you consider the time from my diagnosis, surgeries, follow ups AND the chemo, I am well beyond halfway finished. I am praying for good blood number readings this morning, particulary the white blood cells and my CA-125 (which had dropped from a pre-surgery number of over 500 to my last reading which came in at 14 (anything under 35 is good!).

I'm up early today, going to pack up the car and deliver Easter baskets full of candy to my surgical team and the nurses who took care of me for a few days after my surgery. Then it's on the chemo center to deliver a basket of goodies to my oncologist (chemo Dr.) and another big basket for all the nurses in the back who take such good, kind, care of everyone!!!!

Being that I have a chemo bud who started the same time I did and is receiving the same combination of meds...well, she is celebrating the halfway point too....so....I have a coffee mug for her that reads, "You inspire me" and I am stuffing it full of Tootsie Pops which she always has with her (they help to get the yucky leftover chemo flavor in your mouth) and I have 2 little gold crowns for us to wear today to mark our halfway point!   Gotta have FUN!!!!!

Love to you all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 07:47 AM

Go White Cells!!!

Happy half-time, Michelle... The rest is a piece of cake...

B;~)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Port is 'on board' chemo continues
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 07:53 AM

Before my chemo, I have to take 5 steriods the night before. Ok, fine. This morning though, my blood sugar is 499!!!!   Gotta love those steroids! I was a good girl and took 12 units of log. Now I need to have breakfast (which will be strictly all protein) and yet another 5 steriods. At noon, they will give me even MORE steriods. My blood sugar is going to be raging like the overflooded creeks around here. High readings like that make me high and giddy myself....and today? I may just sprout wings and fly off into the universe somewhere!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: GUEST,SINS at work
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 08:23 AM

More than halfway there and a grandchild on the way. WHOO WHOO! Life is good.
A skinny to boot.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 08:46 AM

Fly, dear one- but we will be here when you come down for a landing!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 09:22 AM

It's all downhill now. Keep up the good work.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 09:45 AM

Wow! I just sold my soul to my daughter on facebook for a grape flavoured tootsie pop! Now that is cosmic timing.

Great news! Keep up the positiveness, darling.

from Tam the 3rd ray of sunshine from the top and to the left (that's 3 and a bit o'clock).

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 31 Mar 10 - 07:21 PM

Still here and thinking of you.

Forget dust - it only comes back, anyway.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 12:05 PM

Hope all is going well. Home for Easter and lots of chocolate!
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 06:00 PM

Holding you in love...

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: gnu
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 07:06 PM

Keep on truckin!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 07:33 PM

Home!!!!   More soon!!!!

Coming home is one of the best things EVER!!!!

Love you all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 08:10 PM

This chemo treatment didn't go as smoothly as the others. They had to access my port twice as the needle wasn't in correctly the first time. Also, my blood numbers are beginning to drop, specifically my platelets and hemoglobin which would account for my being so tired. The oncologist said that if my numbers dropped much more, one of two things will happen. They can postpone my next treatment and wait for the numbers to go up or I can get transfusions...platelets and a blood transfusion. So...here's to hoping the numbers perk up.

I am home. I am happy. And I am tired. Bone pain has stayed away until late today.

:) Thanks for all the well wishes.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: gnu
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 08:24 PM

PERKULATE!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 12:49 PM

Happy Easter, Pete and Michelle.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 01:20 PM

Happy Easter Mary!!!!

   I went to church this morning....big floppy hat and can in tow. I had to sit through most of the service as standing hurts today but I'm glad I went! :)

I'm pretty sore at the moment....knees, shins, forearms, biceps and hips. It's still a beautiful day! :)

Happy Easter to Everybody!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 01:48 PM

You're making great progress. A friend here has had to adjust her schedule a little based upon her blood counts and such, also. I think that is to be expected, to make the treatments fit you best.

Stay happy!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 05:25 PM

Lately I have had several women ask me how I knew I had ovarian cancer, what were the symptoms? For me, I didn't know I had ovarian cancer. It was found only because I had a biopsy that indicated I had uterine cancer which led to a hysterectomy where my ovarian cancer was also found. Looking back over the list of symptoms, I can tell you that I had most of them but attributed them to other things that I didn't much pay attention to. In that light, I wanted to share the following link with you in hopes that it might help someone else get the medical attention they need in a timely fashion. Early detection is key for ovarian cancer...the absolute key. And, FYI, ovarian cancer can NOT be detected from a Pap test.

Information about Ovarian Cancer

Love and Good Health to You All!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 06:38 PM

Thank you for that Easter gift, Michelle.

I had another gift today: a crocus and some other tiny spring flowers over the septic tank- the first blooms of some bulbs I planted last fall! Proof that after the darkest hour, new life can spring forth!

You go on blooming and radiating life the way you do, my dear!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 10:04 AM

OK
I will be the one to ask. Why did you have a can with you at church? Collecting donations? In case of a sudden bout of nausea? Or is this a different kind of can?

Happy Monday.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 11:05 AM

LOL. Cane. I had my cane in church.

I'm grumpy today, frustrated mostly in that my house is a disaster area (it's mud season and I have 2 big dogs in and out)and am uncomfortable enough to not be able to do much. So, I am doing little bits at a time.

I spent yesterday in my recliner, in and out of a percoset haze. I had wanted to spend part of the day outside as it was BEAUTIFUL. Instead, I dozed in front of the sliding glass door and enjoyed the fresh air. :)

I really need to go grocery shopping but have decided to stay local and get what we REALLY need....not shopping for the week today....maybe by Wednesday I'll have the oomph to do it. No big deal.

My to do list is calling.

Enjoy this spring day!!!!!!

Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Apr 10 - 01:04 AM

Enjoy the spring day, let the to-do list wait a little longer. Relax and get through this stage after the treatment.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Apr 10 - 07:57 AM

Give those big wet dogs a snuggly hug and be glad you are alive to hug them. Don't they smell wonderful on a damp day?
SINS, who loves her Seamus.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 Apr 10 - 08:22 AM

lots if good reports to come back to after my week away

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 06 Apr 10 - 08:30 AM

Hope you're feeling better today Michelle.

I had cancer of the womb a few years back - didn't know that I had that either, except that I was getting a discharge that I put down to thrush, which I had had before and so just phoned in a request for meds from my doctor. When the second lot of medication didn't work she called me in for an examination and sent me to the gynaecological unit at the local hospital. Three months later I was in and have a total hysterectomy, early enough that I didn't have to have radiation or chemo.

I do wish that there was more publicity of the warning signs of a lot of these cancers. I am just so glad that they found yours in time to do something about it.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 06 Apr 10 - 05:50 PM

Thanks for sharing that Jacqui and thanks to everyone for helping to keep my spirits lifted.

I got to see a graph of my platelet count today and over the last 9 weeks, it looks like a kid taking a nose dive off the high diving board and frankly I'm kind of concerned.

I talked to my Dr. about it last week and he said it was still within ok limits. The thing is, the trend has been very downward and I am concerned about where this is headed. He told me that if it went down more, I'd have to put my treatments off for a week or maybe a transfusion. I did some reading (which my husband had scolded me for) and found that low platelets mean low clotting ability. When the counts get too low, they also put you either in the hospital or on total bedrest so you don't bump yourself and bleed to death. Nice.

I also read that 50% of women with ovarian cancer have a relapse. It did not say what stage the first round of ovarian cancer was but it concerns me greatly.

Add to that that I can't remember stuff....chemo fog they call it...so I don't feel like I'm doing much that is right lately.

My next few days are when my immune system is down and I need to just stay home and not see anyone so I almost feel like I'm in hiding.

It's not been a good day for me.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: GUEST,Wys cookie broken
Date: 06 Apr 10 - 08:16 PM

LF this is exactly that time to read the Psalms and watch that DVD I lent you. Rest in His arms, etc. He'll bring you through it and back up to cheery days, too, in due time. Just ride it in His arms.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 07:57 AM

Well, you may not be able to see people but that means more time to spend visiting on here.

The fact that women now are recovering from ovarian cancer (which, from what I understand, used almost to be an automatic death sentence) long enough to have a relapse is an improvement and, in the meantime, and with the strides being made in treatment, gives hope that, at some point, this may be something that can be eradicated totally.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 08:16 AM

Besides, 50% DON'T have a relapse. Why can't you be part of that 50%?
You are halfway home from the chemo. There is a beautiful baby in your near future. Hang in there, Lily.
Reading info on the web can be empowering but it can also be very misleading. Use the information wisely and if it is affecting your emotional stability, leave off for a bit.
I do puzzles and cryptograms on free sites to keep my mind functioning and sometimes make the time pass. If you can, try it.
And if you need to just sit back and feel miserable, it is OK. You have earned the privilege.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 08:31 AM

Well, looks as if the chemo is doing what it's supposed to do, Michelle... I mean, if it wasn't having this effect on the good stuff in your body then it most certainly wouldn't be going after the bad stuff, as well... This is the worst part... It's kinda like being in a small plane and doing a dive... But the doctors ain't gonna let you crash... They will pull back on the yoke when they have to and treat you and get you thru the sc arey parts...

As you know, I lost my late wife to cancer but she had a rare form of inflmatory cancer that has a less than 5% survivor rate... Compared to what you are going thru and how you are holding up I want you to know that you are doing great... I won't go into the stuff that the chemo did to Judy but just believe me that you should thank yer lucky stars for doing so well... Really!!!

Yeah, they never quite get around to telling you just how chemo really works... Just know that you are doing fine with it... They'll get you thru this part and then you'll be in the home strectch... In no time at all your hair will be all grown back and this will be just a distant memory...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 10:34 AM

Holding you (gently) in love, my dear!

Allison

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 12:29 PM

That holing up and not seeing anyone is a good sign you are taking the best of care with yourself which is exactly what your body needs, honey. It is when we can stop, give up and let go for a bit, that your god can do its best work because you are being quiet and relaxing..opening to all healing. Your husband and Sins are right...give the research on the net, etc. a pass for a while. When we are ill, it is best to keep as much positive stuff in our heads as possible. Remember the glass is half-full, not half empty.:-)

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 09:09 PM

15 months later, I've still not looked for info on the cancerous thingy that was removed before I even knew it was a cancer.

something silly - for Michelle

sending more hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 10:17 PM

LOL! That's fun!!!!!

I spent most of the day in bed....not tired enough to sleep but too tired to do anything except read, so that's what I did.
That and cry. I'm just having a day.

I talked to my nurse oncologist about the platelet issue and my drop is due to the carboplatin, it's
expected and there's nothing to do about it. The local Dr. called to tell me that my thyroid is WAY low so there's going
to be another medication change and they are also adding vitamin D in a mega doseage as I'm pretty low in that too.

The nurse reminded me that I'm also just entering the time when the immune system drops so she told me to
expect to be exhausted and to try and prioritze better.

My plan for tomorrow is another day alone, hopefully making some much needed changes in our bedroom.....
I have a range of sizes of clothing in my closet and some of those need new homes. The clothes are just too big and I know
others who can use them....imagine the free closet space!!!! A dream come true!

Ok, in the vien of keeping this real....I took 10mg ambien about 15 minutes ag0 and my ability to type is
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii sorry sleeo

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 11:35 PM

Sorry guys. Apparently I fell asleep with my laptop.
no worries. I'm safely in bed.....this stuff makes me feel drunk.

Night all.

Michelel

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 02:40 AM

I've been known to drop off while typing - once at work I woke with my finger on a key & had to delete a gi-normous number of lines!

oops

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 07:49 AM

Good Morning,

    Here's to a day of looking for and staying focused on the positive.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 08:59 AM

Good morning.
Low thyroid equals memory problems, lack of motivation, generally foggy mental attitude. It sucks. But as long as you know it's happening you also know it can be remedied.
I love Ambien...but no one will give me any.
whine
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 10:38 AM

Hey Sins,

They upped my Ambien to 10mg with a note that if it doesn't work in the first hour to take another one!!!!!! My pharmacist gave me the hairy eyeball and said she didn't know if the insurance company would approve more than one pill a day at that high of a dose and she was right! I'm not needing more than that anyway....one is enough!!!!!! Also...I don't need it everynight...maybe 4 or 5 times a month at the most. The higher dose works GREAT....as you can tell from my post above....I'll be sitting in my chair or at the table and next thing I'm out.

    I had a burst of energy this morning, so I did some dishes, swept the entire downstairs, mopped the bathroom, kitchen, dining room and hall and I might actually get some dusting done before the day is over. I'm also going grocery shopping. Seems odd to be happy to sweep, mop and dust....but I really am. It makes me feel good to have the oomph to do normal stuff. And of course, then I cry. *shaking my head* Yep. I'm just not right. And this morning, while I was sitting in bed, I looked over at a long mirror that is nearby and I decided something. For weeks I've been telling my mom and husband that I look like an alien. I tried on sunglasses at Walmart the other day and the larger ones made me look like a fly (no hair and giant eyes). This morning, however, I decided that I have morphed from the alien into the classic horror movie guy.....a big, lumbering, bald, albino man.....the one that all the children are afraid of but really, he's just a creeping looking misunderstood character. Yep. That about sums it up. Mom suggested I try my wig for awhile or a cap but it's too hot for that. So today I think I'll one of the baseball caps I have....I have a moss green one, a chocolate brown one and just the other day I received a GREAT package from the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition with a large canvas bag, socks with the teal ribbon on them (teal is for ovarian cancer), a notepad, a relaxation CD, literature, a water bottle, a really beautiful purple lap blanket and a hat with their symbol on the front and I believe it says Survivor on the back...maybe I'll try that hat today. I guess I'm just not in the mood to put up with being stared at on some days and these last few days find me to be particularly irritable. So, I'll give the hat a try or perhaps I'll punch someone in the face for staring a bit too long or reach out and help myself to a handful of their hair so they can join my club. *GRIN* You have NO idea how good that would feel...at least for the moment!

I hate to admit it but the thought of really being able to do that makes me smile.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 11:54 AM

It makes me feel good to have the oomph to do normal stuff. And of course, then I cry. *shaking my head* Yep. I'm just not right.

ACTUALLY THAT MIGHT BE just RIGHT. tHE POSITIVE 9sorry capslock) stuff


The positive stuff provides contradiction to the negative slumpy stuff, and discharge results (that's the tears).

Remember, the tears are not the hurt. They are the healing FROM the hurt.

That said, you have to remember to balance the tears-time with attention-on-present-time stuff, take vitamins and drink water-- or you lose too much vitamin C. And sleep is part of that cycle-- a good part.

Don't forget to mind the sugars-- remember the emotional roller-coaster is affected by those, for you, too, based on past experience?


Anyhoo-- Ride 'em, cowboy. Yee Hah! :~)

And don't forget on immune-careful days you have two stuffy cootiesniffers!

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 01:16 PM

Just checking in to tell you I'm here on the rollercoaster with you!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 09:11 PM

My low immune days are yesterday, today and tomorrow. I went out today anyway. I also went to yoga. Screw it. I had energy and so I went out and enjoyed the day.

Michelle

PS. Allison, hang on sister...this rollercoaster is one of the old wooden ones that jerks so much you'll have whiplash in no time! (((HUGS))) and btw, Mom and I listened to your CD on our 2 hour drive...both of us singing along!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 10:40 PM

I hate when people ask me how I am and all I can do is cry. It's embarrassing.

I went to yoga tonight, it was a very gentle class. I rolled out my mat in the back and listened to the rain and thunder during the class….it was really, really nice. I felt tears before we even moved our blanket off to the side…..I miss my yoga SO MUCH.   I was able to do most of the practice with the exception of a twist to the right and bridge. Both were pulling on my port….particularly the twist. I think I must have tugged it pretty hard as it now is fairly sore. When I got home, I put an ice pack on it and am hoping I didn't dislodge anything. It would SUCK SO FREAKIN' MUCH if I had to have that procedure done again. ARG.

Anyway, the class was introspective and I probably could have hung out in turtle for a long time. I cried all the way home. I miss my practice. I miss going to class more often. I'm frustrated in with what my body can't do for now. I'm going to try to go more often. I can't stress how much I've missed going.

Coming home the peepers were really loud and there were hoppy toads all over the road….must have passed about 20 of them or so.   One sat just in front of where I parked in the driveway. I left the headlights on and went over to him and squatted down to get a closer look and he hopped towards me to get a closer look too!!! That made me smile.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 01:01 AM

Michelle, don't cry! And you gave me a great laugh right now! That
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
was just so damned funny! :)

I usually delete stuff like that before I send, but you were clearly one tired puppy.

Take care, get through tomorrow.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: maeve
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 06:51 AM

Michelle, about the crying- I don't like to cry in front of others either, but it seems to go with the territory. Tears are honest at least, and appropriate to the reality you're living in. If nothing else, you and those who care about you will readily see the change as you feel better inside and out and don't need the tears in the same way. I'm glad you CAN cry.

maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 11:02 AM

I hate crying in front of others too. I always feel like Mary Tyler Moore on the Dick Van Dyke show - "Ohhhh Roooooo-oooob"
Sniffle blub and all I am trying to say is that I am fine.
Embarrassing.

And to the rude ones who stare at your baldness "At least when I had hair I washed it occasionally."

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 06:29 PM

crying helps flush the body of toxins. tears are good for keeping the eyes healthy. crying releases stress.

Just you go ahead and cry.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 07:50 PM

Today is a better day. My husband and I went for a ride in the woods and then to one of my favorite places to kayak. We walked around the lake for a bit and that did wonders for my spirit.

But the truth is, I cry every day. Sometimes for just a second or two but this past week has been a LOT more. I'm not entirely sure what brings it all on, I'm just weepy. Can't help it. I got a birthday card today with a sweet note in it and I cried. I also got a package from the Ovarian Cancer Alliance.....another lap blanket, pins, magnets, pens, survivor stories in print and a DVD and lots of literature for both me and for my caregivers (had a really cool list of things people can do to help that I might draw from if I need it). I opened the booklet for me to a page all about hospice care. That did it. BAWL. BAWL. BAWL. I can't get away from it. It's ok. I'm ok. And Susan...don't be surprised if I'm weepy at church...I swear I have no idea what sets it off sometimes.

I spent this afternoon writing some long overdue cards to people and it feels good...wish I had done it sooner. Tingly fingers (neuropathy from the chemo) make it somewhat more difficult to do so I just take my time and stop when I need to.

I know I shouldn't think it but as my birth approaches this year, I can't help but wonder if I will be here for my next birthday. I know it's not a guarantee for any of us but....well.....these last few months have brought that closer to home.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Bobert
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 08:09 PM

Hey, Micelle... If you need to cry then cry... Meanwhile, the cancer has alot more to cry about 'cause it's getting a major butt whuppin'... As fir yer next birthday??? Yeah, you'll be here and for alot more to come after that one...

BTW, while hospice is a wonderful organization, you don't need to be reading about that stuff 'cause you ain't gonne be needin' them folks...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 09:00 PM

Bobert,

   Tell P-Vine to cover her eyes cuz I'm sending a BIG HUG your way!!!!!!

<3 Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Severn
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 09:07 PM

I've been offline for a while, but am hangin' in with you. I'm glad you're able to get things done. Early on in my treatments, i was lucky enough to have my good stretches of time coinciding with things I wanted to do, but later on, I had to cancel lots of activities because they fell on times of weakness. I didn't have a partner to see me through and be with me if I had to pull the plug on any activities I started if I reached my energy limits, and it will get worse before it gets better, but I'm damn proud of how you're seeing it all through and the spirit you show, so keep it all up! Use caution and good judgement.

Books helped me at times more than music ot TV when I was unable to sleep and was too sick to concentrate on other things and was bothered by sounds. Ambien did the trick for me for sleeping when all the medicines that were supposed to make you sleepy, didn't.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 09:21 PM

Thanks Severn!!!!!!   

Ambien is doing the trick for me too as well as books. :)

As for it getting worse before it gets better.....as long as I know it will get better, I'm finding I can put up with an awful lot!!!

(((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 10:55 PM

You know my stand on tears, Michelle. :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 01:26 PM

Michelle,
Keep in mind that sorrow is one of the stages of grieving. Maybe you have reached it. ut I suspect that maybe your "feelings" are just a bit closer to the surface right now. Happy tears. Sad tears. Grateful tears.
They are all good. And better times are ahead. Keep focussed on that baby soon to arrive. COme September this will all be behind you.
M
Did Pete's package ever arrive? I may have mis-addressed it. M

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 03:49 PM

Mary,

YES!!!! YES!!!! YES!!! His package DID arrive and I have been meaning to tell you!!!! Even though the pens (minnows...how cute!!!!) are sitting on the table and were used just this morning to write out some checks, I totally forgot to say THANK YOU!!!!!! He was tickled pink and very surprised that a package that came to this house was FOR HIM!!!!!!   Thanks for making my honey bunny smile...you are the best!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 07:20 PM

Cool- I'm glad Pete's getting some attention! He must feel like the first-born toddler in the house of a newborn sometimes.

Sending you long-distance hugs for your times of tears, my dear. Don't be afraid to cry whenever you need to- listen to these wise mud-sisters, brothers and aunties!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 09:48 PM

Tears can be so healing, honey. I am often struck at how many people do not like to cry in front of people. We feel we must apologize for a natural thing, just as a woman might apologize for nursing in public, another natural function of our bodies; both can be so important for us. If someone gives you a dirty look when you're crying just know they are not being honest with themselves and their own need to cry/vent/let go...crying can equal letting go which signifies a release of control, which can be another good sign in one's faith.

I think you made an interesting typo: ...as my birth approaches this year.. Just as Spaw has had a "new" birthday dating from his heart surgery and I have kind of counted mine from when I had heart surgery as we both were kind of "reborn" so may you feel a new "birth" leaving all of this hard work behind as you heal up!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Apr 10 - 10:22 PM

I don't know why I'm so uncomfortable with the crying business....just the way I'm wired I suppose!

Today was my 42nd birthday and it's been a WONDERFUL day!!! I spent most of the day with Pete out in the woods. We explored mostly by car but also did a little bit of hiking, found a beautiful waterfall and I had fun taking photos of Pete in his element. The weather was absolutely PERFECT to be outside.....high 50s, cool, crisp, bright blue skies....couldn't have asked for a nicer day! We spent some time with my mom (who gave me a dark purple bagallini bag that I've been wanting...WOOO HOOOOOO!!!), went to the cemetary to put spring flowers up at my nana's grave, stopped for ice cream and went home to relax a bit. I have been feeling really, REALLY good these last 2 or 3 days and am thankful that today was the same. I went to a yoga class, stayed for 45 minutes and left early so I could go to a Saturday night church service. I parked half a mile from the church and walked. Afterwards I walked back to the car even though I had an offer for a ride. It felt good to walk and take in the early evening air. I picked up some Chinese food for dinner on the way home.....got home to find that it totally sucked and decided it just wasn't worth being upset about and made myself a tomato sandwich instead.
    Pete gave me a 12 month subscription to OneTrueMedia which is the program I like to use to make my montages with. With a membership I can use an unlimited number of photos and can add both my own music and text if I like. I also have access to more music that they have at the site. It's something I really enjoy doing especially on days that I can't do much else. Perfect!!!   He's the best!!! When the local nursery has lilac bushes out, we'll get one to plant on the bank near the house....that's an annual thing for us. I always get a flowering shrub....the bank is getting to be quite beautiful!!! :)

Have a good night everybody!!!

Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 04:11 AM

what a great birthday.

sending birthday hugs & wishes for many more perfect birthday (& other) days.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 08:25 AM

You have achieved the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 08:45 AM

Hey, I recall a time when if a man hugged another man everyone looked on in horror... Now guys hug all the time... Huggin' is in and folks don't give it a second thought... Cryin' ain't far behind...

Meanwhile, the way to get thru chemo is one day at a time... But it's more than that in that Good Lord has given us all today so, heck with the chemo, just live today to the fullest and all that other stuff will take care of itself...

Thanks fir the BIG HUG, Michelle...

Now go out and have some fun today... Even if it's sittin' on your porch listening to the sounds of spring...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 01:16 PM

I'm working on my montages and looking through some olders ones I made last year. I can't help but watch and wonder who that woman is with all the hair.

Also, question for those of you who have had a hysterectomy....a full abdominal cut hysterectomy. Did you have any on and off lingering pain after the outsides were healed? I'm having some pain....most like an ache if I put pressure on a spot on my abdominals...it worries me. DH says it's still healing under (yeah, but 3 months later?)there which might be the case...but it still worries me. I have a Dr. appointment next week and will be sure to talk to him about it but in the meantime, anyone else have this happen? You have to know that all weird lingering pain freaks me out and makes me wonder about my cancer spreading. :(

It's time to get outside and go for a walk.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 02:30 PM

Yes.
I had a sharp pain for years which I was told was scar tissue inside. It did go away eventually.
Anyone else?

And happy birthday. The beginning of a whole new year.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 11 Apr 10 - 02:41 PM

My mom is 82. she had a cesarean at 40 years old in 1968. Huge scar across her belly. her scar still gives her twinges from time to time, especially after extraordinary activity.

Still early days Michelle. If something was wrong with incision there would be other signs, wouldn't there? Try not to worry. Worry is not good.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 12:00 AM

I had a vaginal hysterectomy and had so much scar tissue, it was painful for years until I found a female doc who understood and cauterized it. Also, five years on from open heart surgery and where they cracked me open still is very tender at times; not just the incision, but deep down. You have just been through an extreme assault on your body. It is your job to get out of the way, i.e. stop your mind from wandering down those dark roads labelled "What If?" and let your body do its healing. It is also important for your mental and emotional health. Speak calming words to your body; let it know that all is well and tell it thank you for getting you this far and for the joy you will have with it all healed up. Try not to claim it as "my cancer." That can fill your mind with all kinds of continuing relationships with it and I know that is not really what you want. Let it go, let it be gone. When you must speak of it, or think of it, use "the" instead of "my," okay?:-)

When Myrtle Fillmore was full of tuberculosis she started praying about it and repeated over and over "I am a child of God. I do not inherit sickness." She was healed and folks started coming to her for affirmative prayers. That was one hundred and twenty years ago when Silent Unity came into being. I know you have your own spiritual support/church there, but Silent Unity is available 24/7 and take phone calls from all over the world, from all walks of faith. My sister used to be one of the Silent Unity prayer operators. Anyhow, when you get scared and if it would help, you could always call them Silent Unity at 1-800-669-7729 (1-800-NOW-PRAY). I don't usually post stuff like this, but it seems it may be of help to you.:-)

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee
From: Rowan
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 08:38 PM

A belated "Happy birthday" wish to you Michelle.

And don't forget that while things are healing (and it takes a longer bit of time for some tissue groups than for others) the chemicals dealing with killing cancer cells are also interfering with more normal tissue activities, including healing. Time is said to heal all wounds and, in your case, I'll bet this happens. Relaxation, meditation, communal support will all help the process; you have the last of these in spades (should that be "hearts"?) and now are ready for the first two to have their effects.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 09:05 PM

Kat,

Thanks for the number....it might just come in handy one night when I can't sleep and am upset. I haven't really called a friend during those late hours even though I've been told it would be ok to do that.

And Rowan? Yes....I have support here (and in my life) in hearts....lots and lots of hearts!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the reassurance that things are more than likely just healing. I had no idea it could take that long for the inside parts to heal!!!

I spent the day in Ithaca today, all day....shopping. I got pretty tired around 3:00 (that's after about 4 hours of leisurely shopping) and got sick. BLAH. Still feeling kinda crappy but I guess I overdid. I did find myself a nice little light for a side table by my chair and 4 smallish purple planting pots which I will plant purple flowers in. Pete is building a shelf to span the upper part of our kitchen table window which gets a phonominal amount of sun...perfect for growing flowers and herbs!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Apr 10 - 09:24 PM

my cancer scar still hurts 15 months after the op - but then it is just above the fold of my leg so gets stretched every time I sit or stand or walk. And as my physio emphasised, it'd deep as well as long.

I've also had the impression that while Dr B. started stitching edge-to-edge from my right side, he switched to tucking flesh under when stitching the last bit cos that has always felt very tight. My physio has worked on that very tight flesh several times & it needs more work.

love & hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 09:48 AM

New discovery. Being really angry takes a ton of energy. Came home to wooden stakes with pink ribbons flying from them in our field yesterday. For those of you not living in north central PA, this means the gas drilling people were here. They do NOT have permission to be on our land or to do anything from the surface. I called about it last night. They returned my call promptly this morning all sunshine and roses. With our agreement, they have to give 24 hour advance notice AND SOMEONE HAS TO COME TO THE DOOR....we have a large dog and by letting us know they are in the field, we can make sure she stays here at the house.....it's a safety issue for THEM. Duh. Well, needless to say, no call and no one came to the house. They were all apologies and sunshine and roses. Seems to me we've heard this from them before. In addition, they put the stakes through our raspberry patch, blueberries, grapes and asparagus bed isn't far from there. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Gr. I called the main office this morning and got the secretary who was initially very sweet. Yes dear, we got your message. You'll have to talk to so and so who, unfortunately, is out of the office. I said ok and told her that she had workers coming to my house this morning (anytime now really) to discuss moving those markers away from the garden. I'll not agree to testing of any kind until I get to speak to a manager as this is the 2nd time they have breached the contract (yep....it's all in writing) and I want it addressed. She got an attitude. Go figure. I'm not too worried about it. Since they can't figure out WHY we want them to come to the door before being in the field, (even if they were to give 24 hour notice, which they didn;t), I'm letting Mags answer the door. All 120 pounds of her. Maybe THAT will sink in.
   So yeah. Being angry sucks up far too much of my energy. Enough. Attitude from any of the workers on my property will find a request for them to leave. Refusal to do so = 911.

:) They are here. GO MAGS GO.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:14 AM

Go get em.

Careful not to let that anger take over.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:19 AM

Lily,
Can you not simply remove the stakes? Do they plan to drill on your land?
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: maeve
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:33 AM

I'll be interested in the follow-up to this episode. Let us know, please!

m

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:33 AM

Ok. So they sent 4 people this time (LOL...if you say no to one of them, they send groups). They moved the stakes and I'm ok with it. I did let the dog answer the door and when I walked over to open it, they had backed off the porch and were standing in the yard. Made me giggle inside!!! Maybe they got the point...big dog...run loose...me get hurt. Who knows. The good news is that the stakes are there for seismic testing which means we will have a really accurate idea of what is under our land and that will increase the money coming in once it's all finished (I told them I am more concered about the water than the cash....don't get me wrong, I could really use it....but fresh air and the peace of the country mean more to me than the carrot of a check they like to hang in front of your nose). The REALLY good news is that because we were so adamant about NOT drilling for ANYTHING on our land, they aren't going to use the explosives here but rather around the outer edges of our property. They will put boxes here and a small metal stake into the ground to measure the waves from the explosives. NO drilling here. Perfect. Bad news? Helicopters are coming...starting each day at 5am and ending at sunset until mid May. I think it's a hassle but Pete is going to be one irritable puppy all month long....he hates big noise like that.

The men that were here were very nice, talked in circles, tried to avoid my questions until I told the manager (no need to talk to him on the phone now as he came in person), "You're pretty good at dancing around my question and changing the subject but the question remains...." LOL Is it terrible that I liked to watch them squirm for a change?

They asked why we didn't want to fully lease our land so I relayed to them what my husband said this morning. Leasing your land is like giving someone permission to come use your house and they take a dump in the middle of the living room floor and wipe feces on the walls.

They nodded in agreement.

I find the whole thing kinda funny in a very strange way at the moment....not sure why....but I do.

Ok. Onward with my day of puttering!!!

Enjoy your day!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: maeve
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:51 AM

Well done indeed, Michelle!

m

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 11:30 AM

yes.

What a horrible situation - but we can have the same here - we own our land, but not what's under it.

how will the constant noise affect you on a low day?

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 12:05 PM

LOL at the picture in my head of MAGS putting the fear of Dog in them. Well-done, both of you!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 12:13 PM

I'm not sure about how the noise will effect me on a low day. I have ear plugs and can use them if necessary. Or I might go out in my moo moo and bald head and scream at the universe (that might just scare them away!!!). Either way, I'm going to be stuck with the noise.....not directly over our house/field as we denied access to all vehicles, helicopters included....but my neighbors.....well, they did full leases so the helicopters will be laying cable around the neighborhood.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 12:50 PM

Squeam alert-- this is for LF only (local info).

Heads up's.

1. "We will not drill here"s diff from "we will not drill UNDER and THRU here."

2. Their main geol dude visited the church recently to take pix inside with wife. Cn CS did not have a chance to get an agreement for a copy of same-- which we could surely use.

3. Don't forget to let them see your land as a place where y'all (or others) could be shooting at any time. I just hate it when a critter has to be put down, don't you? Or when target shooting on one's property goes horribly wrong. Or when a chemo patient forgets to put on her glasses when she goes out back for stress relief with targets and..... or when a landowner can't keep OTHER hunters (tourist type) off the place and someone gets hurt....

4. Cn CS has some info you may want to know about these guys. Tell him I said to tell you what we told our chef.

5. Anger and exhaustion?!?!?!?-- YEAH.

6. Noise? Psalms.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 02:23 PM

I know that they can drill on our neighbors and get gas from under our property..no way around that and it's the only reason we have a non-surface lease. The no drilling I was referring to for today was for seismic testing where they do drill small holes X amount of feet down and detonate an explosive and measure the waves that indicate just how far down and how much gas is in there. Thankfully they will not be drilling for anything. I love my non-surface lease!!!

They are also aware I am going through chemo as we chatted about that today (kinda hard NOT to notice...even if I hadn't said anything...I hate to admit it but I DO look like a cancer patient....um...probably because I am one..DUH Michelle).

And um...something else I hate to admit...we DO have a target range ih our front yard....we ARE hillbillies you know!!!!   Gun near the door too (not that I ever expect to have to use it for THAT...we shoot possums that are on the porch) or critters in the garden.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 02:26 PM

I know that all of you here understand that music can be an inspiration. I was listening to some music today and found a good deal of the lyrics to match my feelings about the cancer in my body...here's the video....different, powerful....perfect.

Fighter

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: gnu
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 05:24 PM

Did they do a pre-blast survey of your propertyÉ (É= question mark on my keyboard today). If not, make sure you check the entire house for any cracks anywhere over the next week. Usually, there is no damage, but it`s a good idea to document anything.

Yes, I know that might sound a bit off, but it can happen even with minor charges.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Apr 10 - 10:23 PM

Went to a book club tonight, sat for 2 hours leaning forward in a metal chair...got up with some intense pain in my side. I think I was putting too much pressure on that side. Still hurt an hour later when I got home. :( I thought I was done with these pain pills.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 12:02 AM

I'm hungry. And tired. And floaty.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 12:24 AM

And still in pain. More oxy to the rescue. Please just let this be something I pulled and please let it stop hurting. :(

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 12:53 AM

Michelle,

Take it easy. Pulled muscles happen, don't let it scare you.

I have the same thing going on in this area re: gas exploration. I own the land, I own the mineral rights, I leased, and they are getting perilously close to the five years they have to either drill and start paying royalties or they have to renegotiate the lease. They do the seismic work around here with some big white trucks that "thump" the roadway and they have sensors placed all over, with aerials, so they transmit the information. I could use the royalties also. :-/

Some people got huge signing bonuses. I didn't, it was okay, bigger than what was first offered, because my lot is so much larger than most they deal with. I had them prorate for acreage. Some folks got clobbered with income tax on it, but it wasn't too bad, and I hope the important part, the royalties, were high enough to make some nice cash every month happen.

It sounds like you're doing really well, and with all of that gardening activity (asparagus! raspberries! blueberries! grapes! - okay, I have grapes, wild grapes, across the road, but anyway, grapes! envy envy envy) you'll certainly have a healthy diet and a lot to tempt you to go outside for fresh air and good activity.

Take care, keep making progress, and don't let the gas guys bring tears to those beautiful eyes.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 07:41 AM

Cautiously moving around this morning, pain seems to be gone which I am thankful for but plan on taking it ultra easy today. Still going to call the Dr.

Michelle who was up until 4:30am

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 07:50 AM

You are a powerful woman, Michelle!
Remember, our bodies hold anger in many different ways, and the pain could be one way your bod is processing yesterday's anger.
Don't forget to breathe!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 08:56 AM

Haven't been into the thread for a couple of days. Belated birthday greetings Michelle - have a good birthday month, live long, die happy.

I had the full on hysterectomy and was still getting twinges a few months later, even without follow up radiation. I also had to have a hernia repair in 2006 and 2008 and still have some problem with scar tissue, so pain at three months is probably not a problem. However, mentioning it to your doctor is a good idea, even if just to put your mind at rest.

Anger can make you tense up physically and that accentuates any aches and pains that you might have. Deep breathing is a good way to dissipate that anger. Fantasising about what damage Mags could do to anyone stupid enough to ignore instructions about coming onto your property might also help!:0)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 07:40 PM

Thanks for the birthday wishes!!! :)

Today has been a crappy day. I called my surgeon's office to talk to his head nurse early this morning but she was in a meeting until late afternoon. I called my chemo nurse and she talked to my chemo Dr. about this pain I'm having. They really couldn't help me so finally my surgeon's nurse called back. I like her very much as she is very pleasant to talk to and she explains things well.

Here's the deal. This pain COULD be me healing or an adhesion or something else. She said it sounds like a healing issue and I should expect weird strange pains for awhile off and on. I told her my fear of it being cancer spreading and she said that's a normal fear but that I shouldn't worry about it until they tell me to worry. I have an appointment with my surgeon on Monday....he will do an exam and we will talk. She said if he feels it's necessary, they might order some imaging tests. I am trying not to worry.....it's not easy for me.

I also talked to my friend Tracy today. We talked for 3 hours. We laughed, cried, talked about cancer, talked about other stuff and cried together some more. She recently found out that she has polyps on her liver that may or may not be cancerous. We both know how serious that is and had some end of life conversation....that's a really difficult topic of conversation when you know that you could very well be in the same boat.....not only that, but my friend is hurting and scared and so am I....so yeah...we cried a lot today.

I got dressed, put some make up on and got myself out of the house. Sometimes it's amazing how how you are dressed makes you feel. I was in jeans and an old white stained up t-shirt, big old black cardigan, a brown scarf and 2 hats....I was cold today. Looked like a commercial for some cold meds. So anyway, I fixed myself up, went to the drugstore, post office, visited my former student teaching mentor and went to Walmart where I wandered for over an hour....had some prints made up...ok, about 100 of them...picked out a few frames....some for me, some to frame photos for others and I made myself a little foot spa basket.....little tub for soaking my toes, cream for my feet, a little nail polish....nothing extravagent. I also got myself a small tripod. People have been asking me to do a video talking about my story and as a way of keeping up with me....so I needed the tripod to hold my little iFlip camera. I'm going to do the video (set it all up and the battery died) and keep it real...it won't be pretty but my story isn't pretty.
   Anyway, it's time to get dinner going.

I'm tired and don't particularly want to be alone right now.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 08:57 PM

reads like a good day looking after yourself, spending (quality) time with a good friend, sharing real stuff rather than 'how are you? lovely weather today, did you see the latest movie' ...'

And I like the nurse's advice - don't worry till we tell you - sez. someone who does a very good line in worrying (what if ...) I spend a lot of my time living in the future - usually bad, I'm never worrying about winning the lottery!

I remember reading a meditation/thought of the day re dressing well (even on a very low budget, some of my best clothes come from charity shops!) - because looking your best is a reflection of your self-worth or something like that! So put on your best dress, your war paint & favourite hat & wow 'em.

Soon I'll be putting on my face & a favourite outfit (which always includes a hat, tho my favourite is that Australian classic, an Akubra, & having lunch with my best friend

sending big virtual hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 09:11 PM

Your story is beautiful, Michelle. You inspire many of us in such unexpected ways. I don't expect you to brag about your prowess but never underestimate your shining brilliance. You have made so many insurmountable problems childs play for me.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 12:26 AM

I think I have a book around here one of my best friends sent ages ago. I read most of it (daily ruminations) and it might be interesting for you. I may have passed it on to someone else, so I'll look before I say more.

I have the same hernia Jacqui did (hiatal hernia) but my doctor said it's apparently quite small, so not to worry about it for now. Every so often when I move wrong--it's quite unpleasant. I remember mentioning it to Jacqui in a post ages ago and I think she's the one who put a name to it, and my doctor confirmed it.

I thought I'm mention here, apropos of nothing, that I had two Mudcat shawls, the most recent a beautiful dark blue one from Jacqui, and one that I won in a Mudcat auction years ago, done by MMario. I took Leo's shawl, one with several blues and turquoise yarns, out to old the friend we stayed with in Arizona. She has such a great sense of style and I knew she'd have some of those colors in her wardrobe. Amazing how you can "shop your closet," and she came up with two garments that now go together perfectly when she wears the shawl with them. For me it was a reminder of supporting Mudcat, and for Bette, it is a reminder of me. And for Michelle, when you have a bad day, even if it is warm so you don't wear your shawl, keep it handy and let it remind you of all of the energy invested, headed your way to help you feel better.

You're getting there, and the aches and pains will subside.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee
From: Rowan
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 02:12 AM

When people ask how I'm doing, quite often I'll reply "Never a dull moment!" It's usually accurate but, Michelle, I have to hand it to you; your life is much more exciting than mine has been for quite some time.

"Adhesions, eh?" Well, they do tend to tie one down a bit. And, if they 'let go' of their own accord, that can feel a bit exciting too, as I found out when the ones that formed between the broken big toe bones let go of their own accord while I was walking down at Wilson's Prom many years ago.

All the best.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 05:42 PM

Today has been a better day. I had a nice call from a girlfriend, went to a Ladies Guild luncheon, did a little grocery shopping and right now I just popped a cake (a very rich chocolate cake....devils food chocolate cake, chocolate pudding, sour cream, canola oil, 4 eggs and water, mix in chocolate chips, put in a bundt pan and bake)in the oven....and no one is here but me so I got to lick batter off BOTH beaters!!!! *GRIN* We're going to the neighbor's house for dinner!!!

I got to spend time with one of my favorite church ladies today....haven't seen her in at least a month....I just LOVE her!!!!   I walked her back to her car this afternoon and she INSISTED that she give me a ride to my car (which was around the block). I told her walking is good for me and she said, "Too bad. I want you with me!" I could just squeeze her!!!!

I'm feeling better today about the pain in my side issue. I noticed that when I bend to put dishes on the lower rack in the dishwasher, to take stuff out of the dryer or even to tie my shoes....it hurts exactly like it did after I got home from my surgery...I have to move the same way to accomodate/avoid pain. Keep your fingers crossed that it's just healing please. :)

I'm off to read for a bit....joined a book club at a nearby library and we are reading All Other Nights byt Dara Horn and another book but the title escapes me. If all goes according to plan and the date doesn't fall on the same date as my chemo, I'll be going with my friend and a group of about 25 to Maryland by bus to see some of the things/places we are reading about. :) YAY!!! Something to look forward to!!!

Lator Gators!

Michelle

PS. I have 2 shawls...one that Jacqui made and that stays right here in the living room with me and another from a local woman and that one stays upstairs!   :) They do make a body feel better and comforted.....great reminder that there are lots of people pulling for me and many prayers being said!!!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 06:01 PM

Whenever you need to, wrap yourself in one of those shawls and give yourself a big Mudcat hug!

Someday you'll look back at all these posts and be amazed at your own strength.

Love you, dear.

Allison

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 06:13 PM

I already look back at some of the things I've written here and wonder how did I get through that....but then I look at what the support and love that has been given both here and in my life and I KNOW that THAT is how I've managed my way through. There's no greater power that love...as cheesy as it sounds, I fully believe it to be true!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Micca
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 08:24 PM

Lily, Here is a little bouquet to share with my friends and with you, whose courage and humour and sheer endurance has been a lesson to me these weeks,
from one who admires you much
Micca

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 04:20 AM

wow! spring has sprung

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Micca
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 05:20 AM

Sandra, An Ausssie friend used to go to Kew when she felt homesick, every year at the beginning of your spring to smell some flowers called Boronia? she said it was "home" . I go evry year for the scent of Frangipani (Plumeria) which reminds me of Hawaii, They wern't in bloom yet, another 4 weeks or so. I hope Ms Lily enjoys the orchids some were as big as your hand!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 06:35 AM

Micca - great disappointment - I no longer have a bottle of
Boronia oil - fooey, as you say it is a beautiful perfume.

I was walking thru fallen frangipani this afternoon as they're everywhere & will probably collect a few tomorrow night on my way to my folk club.

One day when I have a place with a garden (rather than windowsills), I'll have my very own frangipani.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: maeve
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 06:57 AM

Good morning, Michelle. The frangipani discussion has reminded me of a favorite song Burl Ives used to sing. The chorus is:

Oh how I love that Frangipan!
Sweet like honey, Frangipani.
It makes young men holler, "Hoowee!"
and old men sigh for Frangipani.

maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 07:25 AM

Oh Micca!!!!!

   The flowers are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!   Around here, spring is just beginning to burst with it's colors....I have 3 forsythia that are in full bloom just like your picture.....it's like a bush full of sunshine!!!!!!!!!! And the orchids are stunning!!! WOW!!!!

Good Morning My Friends!!

    Dinner was a lot of fun last night, didn't get home until about 12:30!!! They have this very fun tree house built for adults....we made our way up the spiral staircase using flashlights and sat around a lantern chatting it up for a long time, spent some time just listening to the peepers and frogs too...a wonderful night!

   Today I start getting ready for next week....chemo treatment #4! For me that means some extra cleaning, laundry and cooking to make sure everything is nice for when I get home and a week of not being able to do much.

    Let the day begin!!!!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 10:16 AM

have a great day full of lovely people & enjoyable stuff.

tho I dunno why anyone wants to clean - I avoid it as far as possible.

sandra (heading to bed)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 10:44 AM

LOL, maeve and Burl Ives.:-)

Several times my brother ordered a plumeria from a fav. greenhouse and did his best to grow it, but each time he lost it. He is an expert, but I think he never learned the benefits of benign neglect when it comes to houseplants.

My mom brought him back a cutting of white ginger. We both had beautiful plants from that one cutting, for years. I still would love to smell plumeria. I see the boronia essential oil is expensive!:-) I still have some white ginger essential oil given to me over 35 years ago and it is still very lovely smelling.

Micca, the pix are gorgeous. Michelle, your evening sounds wonderful! You are such a Wonder!

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 11:06 AM

Lily,
You and Maeve are such an inspiration. When I get stressed over what in my life is huge, I remember how petty it is in comparison to your chemo and her lost home. Puts it all in perspective.
Thank you.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 04:52 PM

But, be kind to yourself, too, Sins...it's all relative, to a point.:-)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 05:50 PM

It's weird to me that anybody thinks I'm an inspiration.....

Today has been a normal day. I picked up the last of the wood pellets, went to the store, did some chores, relaxed a bit, talked to a friend on the phone, played with the dog, tried to catch one of my chickens and did some reading. Didn't cry today. Not once. That's SO nice for a change!!!

Oh and SOMEBODY PLEASE remind me on those days that I can't pull myself out of the giant holes that I keep falling into that I have Xanax and I need to take it!!! Sheesh. It's not a med I take daily but it is for panic attacks, high levels of anxiety, etc. For that matter, I can also take Ambien to just check out of reality and rest.....not just for nightime sleeping. I don't know why I don't remember this when I'm so freaked out, but I don't....so a gentle PM reminder would be a Godsend. See? Chemobrain. Chemofog. Forgetfulness rules supreme even to the detrement of my own health. My oncologist says my short term memory will come back slowly...about at the same speed as my hair.

    In the meantime, thank you for my friends who will help me remember.

Love to all!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 08:51 PM

Sound like yer doing great, Michelle... Keep up the good work... It's almost over... Then you can get along with yer post-cancer life... Yippee!!!

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 12:15 AM

Heck, Michelle, I forget I have xanax to take! No problem on the reminder...will do.:-)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee
From: Rowan
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 12:54 AM

Thread drift alert!
I see the boronia essential oil is expensive!

Boronia megastigma Ahhhhh!! An aroma to die for. According to those who are seriously into propagating Oz native plants, this species of boronia is particularly tricky to get going and, in the hands of most, becomes an annual rather than a perennial, so I imagine it's not the most common essential oil in the the pharmacopeia.

Years ago, when I was a botany postgrad I demonstrated ("taught") in the Second Year Plant Systematics classes; lots of plants had their private parts dissected and drawn. One class always had everyone in the building skipping along the corridors; it was the one that dealt with Rutaceae (using Boronia megastigma as the sample specimen) and Iridaceae (using Freesias); great bunches were supplied and their aromas went all through the building.

Any left over after the class were hoarded by us postgrads and taken to our desks and our homes.

Ah! Salad Days!

All the best, Michelle!

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 06:15 AM

Today I go for my second post op visit with the surgeon. He'll take a look at the pain that's been bothering me and we'll take it from there.

Also, I like to take him goodies when I go. Last time I took him some candy and he said, "Are you trying to fatten me up?" So today I'm taking him a dozen farm fresh eggs and some chives from the garden. :)

Hope it makes him smile.

Michelle   :)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 07:23 AM

Blessings today and everyday, dear one!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 07:25 AM

real eggs! if he doesn't smile ...

In October I'll be heading to festival in an historical Industrial Complex (built 1844) & still in part use. It's the Old Goulburn Brewery where beer is still brewed (in modern tanks etc rather than the original) tho they no longer grind grain & grow tobacco etc. & one of the attractions is the chooks who spend their time scratching around the yard, eating real grasses etc & laying beautiful eggs. The chooks share their patch with geese & I have a goose feather in my Akubra, maybe I'll find a chook feather to wear with it this year.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 08:55 AM

Petal, I have now TWO great videos for you on our home DVR. Can you coord with Cn CS to set a date for you and Pete to come see them here?

You will want to bring along a vid/sound camera if you have or can borrow one.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 01:04 PM

If I was that surgeon, I'd cancel the rest of your bill if you kept me supplied in fresh farm eggs!

Sounds like you're moving right along!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 07:50 PM

News from the oncologist: Everything looks great! My CA-125 numbers have stablized early which he says is a great indicator of an excellent prognosis.

No word about what this pain in my side is other than if it gets bad again, let him know and we'll do some imaging. He says there's nothing in there anymore that should hurt....although it still does.

Overall, I'm very pleased with my visit today!!!

Susan....regarding Pete and I coming over...I can but I don't know that he can due to his work hours. What are the videos about?

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 07:54 PM

Young cancer survivors kicking ASS in a way I think you would like to see. Inspirational.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Bobert
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 08:24 PM

Told ya' so... But good news, none the less...

Now lotta folks gotta be learned up on farm eggs if they ain't had 'um so go easy on Doc, will ya, Michelle... I mean, some folks will be grossed out by the yellowness of the yokes... They'll think that means there's something wrong with 'um??? They sho nuff will... So ya' gotta educate these peoples so they don't freak on ya'...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 09:24 PM

good number, Michelle!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Half-way point with chemo! Yippee
From: Rowan
Date: 20 Apr 10 - 12:44 AM

Excellent, Michelle.

And, if the eggs have white shells, you could cast some ideas about Russian Orthodox Easter decorations in his direction.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Apr 10 - 07:43 AM

My oncologist was really pleased with the eggs! He said he hasn't had fresh eggs in about 3 years and even told me who he was with when he had them and the circumstances!! I warned him about the color and also that fresh eggs make great hard boiled eggs but they don't peel well. If I hard boil them, I cut them in half with a knife and scoop out the insides like you would a grapefruit. He really was tickled...gave me an extra hug too.

That's the thing I love about this Dr. (aside from his excellent medical skills), he has a personality that clicks with mine. The first thing he did yesterday when he walked in the office was hug me and tell me that I look beautiful. I asked him if he fell on his head recently. He laughed and said, "Are you kidding? This is what I live for!" He asked me how I was doing and I told him I was nervous and he asked me if it was because I thought something else was growing and I said yes. He said I was fine and let's take a look. And he was right! He also said that all my blood panels from the chemo end of things (different Dr for that) look great. I told him that I was concerned about the low platelet count and he said that was normal and that if the drugs were powerful enough to lower my count so substantially, then the way to look at this is to imagine what it's doing to any cancer cells. I love this man!

So....today I will spend the day getting myself and my house ready to be away for the next 2 days for my 4th chemo treatment, which is on Thursday. Mom and I are planning a little adventure for the drive down tomorrow, a leisurely breakfast on Thursday, my treatment and then dinner out. We'll play games in the evening or watch tv, read or relax if I'm tired. Friday we'll take our time, hit some grocery stores on the way home and then I'll do my best to prepare for the week that follows the treatment.

And OH YEAH....last night on the way home we stopped at the grocery store and I decided the hell with my diet, I had GREAT news and it was time for a celebratory dinner!!   I bought two t-bone steaks from the case (which made me feel like a very rich person), fresh broccoli and.......are you ready for this....a fruit torte....cake on the bottom, cream and then covered with fruit!!! I've had this only once in my life and LOVED IT!!! I look at them every time I'm at this store, in the bakery.....but never would I buy one. Yesterday I did!!!!   Of course, as things go, I was exhausted by the time I got home....went ...bed before 8pm....so we will have that tonight!!! YUM!!!!!!!!!

Love to all...and yes Bobert...ya told me so!!!!!   I'm SO GLAD you were right!!!!!

Michelle

PS. Susan....truck is broken, so Pete is using my car, I have no way to come see the DVD right now although I would LOVE to see it!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: maeve
Date: 20 Apr 10 - 07:53 AM

Congratulations, Michelle! And what a good idea it was to take eggs to your excellent doctor. One of the nicest gifts we've been given was three dozen eggs from our own lovely bantams; delivered by the friend who is taking care of them for us.

And good on you for indulging in a celebration that includes good food!

maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 20 Apr 10 - 08:08 AM

good news, good company, good food - all leading to good health!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Apr 10 - 08:11 AM

All good news, Miss Lily. I too have fresh eggs from chickens who have not been abused - a guilt free breakfast. Good doctor, good numbers, good prognosis.
Always listen to bobert and save yourself some grief. Unless of course your neighbor is shooting at targets towards your house. His advice then may be a bit "iffy".

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: kendall
Date: 20 Apr 10 - 08:14 AM

Wonderful! Steady as she goes.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 20 Apr 10 - 08:29 AM

Better every day. Keep it up.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: mouldy
Date: 20 Apr 10 - 09:00 AM

Haven't put my two pennorth in for a while - I'm SO pleased to hear you are doing so well!

I suppose it's only natural to worry that other "things" might be growing, but those oncology people know what they are doing. Chemo is a fine art, and is individually tailored for each person's needs.

Love
Andrea

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!
From: Rowan
Date: 20 Apr 10 - 07:03 PM

Onya! Michelle!

Go for it.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 21 Apr 10 - 07:32 AM

Marvelous news! And what wisdom you show, dear one. Enjoy your dinner as your doc will enjoy the eggs- fresh eggs, nature's golden gift.

I'm off for 5 musical days, but will be holding you in my heart...

love,

Allison

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Apr 10 - 07:36 AM

Get your cheese out people because this is a whine alert!

Seriously.

Today I leave for my 4th chemo treatment and I just plain old do NOT want to go. I finally am feeling healthy and now I have to go let someone stick me with a a giant ass needle and put toxins in my body that will make me feel like shit again and make me more tired than I already am. I KNOW it's killing any floating cancer cells and that's why I NEED to go. But I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of having my bones hurt. I'm tired of my fingers tingling to the point it's hard to write out a check or pull out my debit card. I don't want to sit in that stupid, uncomfortable plastic recliner all day. I just want to be at home, feeling good with the people I love.

I DON'T WANT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!    ******STOMP************

*********POUT**********   

*****LAYING ON THE FLOOR KICKING TANTRUM*****

Crap. I do HAVE to go in about 20 minutes. Travelling there today, treatment tomorrow. *sigh*

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: maeve
Date: 21 Apr 10 - 07:42 AM

Get it over with, Ms Michelle...then look forward to feeling great again. I'll be thinking of you.

maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Apr 10 - 08:16 AM

nothing wrong with a good tantrum now & then!

sending love & hugs

sandra


THREAD DRIFT -
I've never had kids, but I've seen a number of good tantrums in public places over the years - shrieking & howling, wet & dry eyed crying, sitting on the ground & not moving, etc., but yesterday I saw a dog throw one! It lay flat on its tummy & the owner moved on with her other dog, pulling it a very short distance until she realised one dog wasn't wasn't moving! Then she squatted down & asked it what was the problem, unfortunately I was getting on the bus so missed the end of the incident.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Micca
Date: 21 Apr 10 - 09:06 AM

Its the old family stand by (ask Morty)" When in Danger or in Doubt, Run in circles, scream and Shout!!!"

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Apr 10 - 09:33 AM

You could always reenact that scene from The Exorcist and give the attending a good hard twist. Let him know just how you feel.
Whine away.
But get your butt out of the house and into that chair.
Auntie SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Apr 10 - 10:53 AM

When you get home there will be a nice book there waiting for you, to occupy and entertain while you rest quietly and let the nasty chemicals do their work and move on.

Take care, be patient. You'll get through this and feel better again.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Apr 10 - 05:24 PM

Must be why they call us "Patients"...it's a virtue for which we all strive and medicine sorely taxes.:-)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: gnu
Date: 21 Apr 10 - 06:09 PM

Glad to hear the good news. Hope things go well on the morrow and afterward.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Apr 10 - 08:07 PM

Thanks for all the well wishes. I'm in a better space than I was this morning! I'm ready for tomorrow, even stopped by the clinic today to pick up some more numbing cream so the port needle won't hurt so much...they gave me 2 tubes....that's the way I like it...nice and numb!!!!

Mom and I stopped at a farmer's market along the way today and really just enjoyed the sunshine and each other's company. We wore ourselves out though. We arrived at the House of Care around 4:00 and she is currently enjoying her second nap!!! I'm going to tuck into bed soon too.

Thanks for being here and letting me vent. :)

Round 4 tomorrow and only 2 to go after that!!!! YAY!!!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: maeve
Date: 22 Apr 10 - 04:42 AM

Go get 'em, Michelle. I'm thinking of your upcoming victory.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 Apr 10 - 08:25 AM

Ten steriods in, 5 to go. I can fly....I'm sure of it. Crazy drugs.

Two hour countdown has begun....then all needles will be over for the day.

Praying for a good blood panel report, specifically platelets that have gone up or held steady, hemoglobin counts up, steady white cells and a CA-125 that has dropped a few more points. That would make for an excellent report. Any further dropping of the platelets and they may refuse treatment today and make me come back in another week. We shall see. I'll post from the big chair, if I get that far.

Love to you all.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Apr 10 - 09:33 AM

fingers crossed

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 22 Apr 10 - 01:38 PM

Hopefully, by now, your treatment is over. Enjoy tonight's meal and tomorrow's road trip home.

You're doing good girl, keep it up.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 Apr 10 - 04:59 PM

Hi Gang,

   My platelets dropped but remain 13 points above the cutoff point so I am writing to you from the chemo chair. I have about 40 more minutes to go. My chemo pal was here today and we got to sit together despite a very full chemo unit. They also have t-shirts for the relay for life that say Survivor on them...I picked up a few! YAY!

Hemoglobin is up (I've been pusing protein)
White cell count is up (fighting something I hope)
Blood sugars through the roof thanks to the steroids so I've had some insulin

Other than that, I'm just sitting here listening to the delivery machine ticking away.

Tired. Very tire. Doc says that will get worse.

We have plans to go for Thai food but rignt now, I'd settle for a long nap so we shall see.

:) Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Apr 10 - 02:25 PM

How's it going dear?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Cuilionn
Date: 23 Apr 10 - 02:32 PM

Maeve sent greetings from her chickens to my chickens, so our barnyard is feeling inspired:

The cow envisions the day you feel udderly energized and healed.

The chickens applaud your efforts to bite that bug, knowing that eventually the beak will inherit the mirth.

And the piglets are root-root-rooting for you! (Think about that, next time you talk to the oink-ologist!)

Green leafy budding blossoming healing blessings to you!

--Cuilionn

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Apr 10 - 02:37 PM

Did you get the Thai food after all or opt for a nap? Just two more treatments...

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 23 Apr 10 - 03:23 PM

big grin

normally I hate numbers (numerically challenged) but these make me happy.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Apr 10 - 04:43 PM

I think a picture of one of Cuillionn's chickens with her text below would be a terrific poster: ...the beak will inherit the mirth. Made me LOL!

Hope you are having a restful ride home and feeling the chemo working.

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 Apr 10 - 04:51 PM

Ahhhh....just got home....there's NO PLACE LIKE HOME!!!!

First off, I am soooo tired. Nap coming soon. We did go for Thai food....orderd Satay to share and some Chicken Panang for me, which I LOVE. However, I was too tired to eat much more than 3 of the Chicken Satay skewers and brought the rest home. Funny how a body can be so tired and not be able to sleep. I took some Ambien last nght and bang, I was out. I got up during the night to use the restroom which was down the hall and then decided I was hungry. I was not walking straight and I knew it. Anyway, I did get to the kitchen and made myself some cereal. As I was making my way back to my room, apparently I was still not walking well, and a young lady asked if she could help me back to my room. I accepted. Later in the night I woke up and found my nightshirt folded neatly beside my pillow and I was naked. My first thought was Oh Dear God...please let me have been dressed while I was in the kitchen and getting help back to the room. I had NO recollection of removing my nightshirt. I ran into the young woman this morning and sheepishly asked her if I was dressed when she found me in the hall, she said I was and we had a good laugh. YIKES!!!! LOL
    Yesterday's treatment went well, port needle went in smoothly the first time and I was able to sit with my friend so that was good. The only non-pleasant thing was that this time when they removed the port needle, I actually heard a pop (even my mom sitting nearby heard it) as it came out and that kinda smarted...but if that's the worst of it, ok.
   Doc said to expect more tiredness. My legs are beginning to ache already....last time they didn't hurt much at all so I was hoping it was a downward trend....I'm beginning to think it's not going to be. Oh well....I know it won't last but a few days and I have meds to help....not to mention dear friends who help see me through both here and in person....that means so much.

I LOVE the barnyard references, especially the oink-ologist, even though he's a great guy!!!

Take care my friends, I'm headed for a nap.

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Apr 10 - 05:05 PM

Michelle, I foresee a book in your future. It will be a wonderful read.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 23 Apr 10 - 09:09 PM

We're with you, Petal. Blooming you are.

~S~ & Cn CS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 07:41 AM

Not too much longer to go now melove. I'm glad you managed to get some good sleep - that always helps.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 04:48 PM

I was just looking at my church's website and found a link the the Relay For Life team that I was on.....not only that, but things I said were posted on the site as well as a photo of me....someone who was walking in honor and in memory of those I love who have had cancer....many of whom are now gone...it seems very strange to me.

And just this week, almost 5 years later, while I was at my 4th chemo session, I was given a Relay For Life shirt that says Survivor on it. I
can't help but wonder who is thinking about the Relay for Life right now who will be someone receiving a Survivor shirt in the next 5 years.

My First Relay For Life

I am the dark blonde with pony tails in one of the photos. I am also the person wearing the shirt that says, "We Miss You" on the back.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 08:32 PM

Yes, it was a long time ago. This is not the first time you have seen these, BTW. :~)

~WebGeezerette

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 Apr 10 - 09:13 PM

You are right, this is not the first time I have seen these.....just was poking around today is all.

Really tired tonight...feeling like I'm in slow motion. Leg pain getting worse, may have to give in and use the pain meds. I know to stay ahead of the pain but what is all this crap doing to the rest of my body?

Good news for a friend today who had been awaiting test results!!!   I used to be happy for people that got good news...now it brings me to happy tears. YAY LOU!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 25 Apr 10 - 09:07 AM

I hurt today. All large bones, the bones in the back of my hands and my cheeks. Up and dressed anyway. Have a book beside me, a cat sleeping by my knees and a fire going in the pellet stove on this rainy, gray spring morning.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 Apr 10 - 09:28 AM

(((Michelle)))

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 25 Apr 10 - 12:30 PM

Percocet regimen started. My entire body is tingly and floaty with flashes of pain, mostly in my legs. I'm planted in my chair for the day. I have THE BEST husband in the universe who is taking really good care of me....he heats up my corn pad, did the dishes, folded the laundry, took stuff upstairs and just brought me a big bowl of frozen mango which is the ONLY thing that tastes good to me. Everything else takes weird and water burns my tongue. My port is really pushing out against my skin...can see the prongs....very pronounced today.

Floaty. Floaty. Floaty.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 25 Apr 10 - 01:19 PM

well if there has to be flashes of pain then they may as well be

sparkly

she's blowing away all the bad stuff.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 25 Apr 10 - 02:06 PM

How cute VT!

Michelle - float well and let your body rest. Soon there will be recovery. Give that man of yours a big hug from the Mudcat womenz for his care of you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 12:45 AM

Popcorn and percocet.....

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 10:33 AM

Bones still hurting. More meds to start the day. Frustration has set in.

I give up for the day. I'm back in bed already....got everything I need for the day. Book. Paper. Computer. Frozen mango.

Feeling really weak, short of breath easily and annoyed at the world.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 10:50 AM

Good timing then, Michelle. My tracking label on your package says it is "out for delivery to a P.O. Box" today. So if someone gets past the post office today, pop in and pick up the book!

You can read them from beginning to end, or from anywhere. They were freestanding commentary on NPR years ago. To get a real good dose of "Mama" one of my favorite stories is "Good Housekeeping" (and how appropriate for a regular member of the De-clutter club!) on page 68. If you want a tiny little story, my favorite is "Dead on the Road" on page 39.   :)

The naturalist in me loves this book, the packrat in me loves this book, the writer in me loves this book, and the radio listener in me can hear Bailey White's voice as I read it. So I'm sending one of my favorite books to help distract you from the unpleasant side effects for at least a few minutes at a time. Laughter is the best medicine, and there are outright laughs, and a lot of smiles and chuckles here.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 11:33 AM

Misread posts: I saw SRS as Stilly River SAUSAGE, when I know perfectly well she's all about skinnying down! :~)

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 02:40 PM

I'm back, with a big, enfolding <<>>

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 05:48 PM

LF:

The view outside the LR window: http://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=125505&desc=yes#2894840

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 06:45 PM

It's 6:39pm and so far I took a shower and spent the rest of the day in bed. I finished my book. I took 2 long naps. I planned my menu for the week and contemplated my grocery list. I think my mom is taking me grocery shopping tomorrow....so glad they have motorized buggies otherwise I'd have to not go.

No one to call about the post office today but I will call and check in the morning to see if your package has arrived Stilly....we can stop there on the way to the market.

My goal is to get dressed and go downstairs. If my knees will allow, I'd like to have dinner ready and waiting for Pete when he gets home. If not, he already volunteered to take care of that when he got here....still, I like to do that for him.

Only one pain pill today.....had a steady stream yesterday and just don't like that foggy, floaty feeling for an entire day. I feel like I miss too much.

I can't recall when I've EVER spent an entire day in bed like I did today. At the very least I hang out in my recliner but an entire body stretch feels so much better in bed......I have NO idea how people do this day after day after day.

Susan....nice post about the cardinals. I haven't looked out the window once today...the curtains are drawn and I can hear the rain hitting the roof.

Ok. Getting up, dressed and making my way down the stairs if I have to do it on my rear end, one step at a time.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 06:46 PM

One cheek at a time?!?!?!?

Good Lord, girl, don't bounce, it will hurt more!

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!
From: KT
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 07:10 PM

Michelle, I haven't been around these parts very much lately and am spending time checking in. I just want to tell you that although you may be feeling weak and small, I think you're a giant!! (as in hero-like!) Keep goin', gal. You're amazing!

KT

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 07:32 PM

Ol' hillbilly still here and checkin' in everyday...

This is the toughest part, Michelle... Hang in there... You'll get thru this one, too...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 08:10 PM

Bobert,

   You are right. This really IS the toughest part. I hurt and I'm frustrated and I'm more tired than I have ever been in my life. I want to do for others and I can't even do for myself. I didn't believe my Dr. when he said I could be more tired. He was right.

    I napped all day. Read. Slept more. Did one load of dishes, one load of laundry in the washing machine and got dinner ready (a gourmet feast of spaghetti sauce from a jar and a salad) and I am ready to go back to bed. And I might do that just as soon as I get a hello hug and kiss when my honey gets home.

    I can't stand myself. I try not to cry before he leaves and try to have it out of my system before he gets home or before I talk to anyone on the phone. Nobody wants to hear it, including me.

   I just want my life back. My daily, ho-hum, life on the homestead back. Everyone says...only two more to go. I know I am most of the way done but I don't know if I can handle two more times. I'm so tired. Body and mind TIRED....and I need to lean.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 09:03 PM

Lean, baby. Lean far enough that your feet don't even touch the floor, feel the strength of the arms cradling you...

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 26 Apr 10 - 09:33 PM

Be carefull what you ask fir, Michelle... No, jus' funnin'... I'm sure that given what you are going thru you'd welcome "ho-hum"... I mean it... This is as bad as it gets... Chemo is like a 15 round heavyweight prize fight that goes the distance... Each round gets harder but...

...there will be and end to it and you'll come out cancer free and ready for all the ho-hum-ness that you can take...

Ya'll just have to believe me on this one...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 08:46 AM

Michelle - You continue to amaze me with your thoughtfulness for the feelings of others when you try to hide the tears from Pete and your friends. In your situation it would not be surprising if you were a permanently sodden mass of tears and who could blame you?

Keep going lady, you have my undying admiration.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 09:01 AM

Remind me a year from now when life is back to normal and the dishes are waiting for you in the kitchen sink that you wanted your humdrum life back.
So easy to forget how precious the simple things are.
Hang in there, Lily. The end is in sight.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: maeve
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 09:01 AM

Michelle- Remember you'll have some good days again before you have to face the last two treatments. You can handle it, especially when you have such a garden of loving support encircling you throughout your recovery and beyond!

Tears are necessary for healing. I value highly the few friends with whom I can safely weep without worrying about whether they can handle it; they can. Sometimes friends and husbands need it too.

Love,

maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 02:51 PM

Sweet little dear one... just you lean back now, weep, then sleep knowing that the last time you got to feeling better again. This time will be the same. Give it a couple more days and see if things are picking up again.

Are you charting pain and fatigue on a calendar with each treatment? May help you look forward and see the light at end of tunnel with the subsequent treatments. I am probably preaching to the choir on this. seems to me you have done all the homework.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 27 Apr 10 - 04:41 PM

Ok. Today is better. Not by much, but it is better. I have NOT been tracking this time and I should. Thank you for the reminder. It will be useful for after my next treatment.

I did a LOT arounnd the house today and am feeling better about my environment. My mom picked me up and we went grocery shopping. We went to one store, I spent about $100.00....really needed to go shopping...it was getting to be slim pickin's around here....and she brought me home. She asked about going somewhere else but I am beyond tired. No motorized buggy so I hobbled....now my knees are throbbing but they are UP and I am done for the day. Groceries are 98% put away. Floors are swept, dishes done, bed made, laundry sorta done, table found, living room looking like a living room and not a catch all room.....I'm ok with just collapsing for the rest of the day. I know I did too much. I know I pushed. At least I feel alive today.

Bobert, someone once said that you are always right.....I'm counting on it my friend. Give me a sink full of dishes to do, laundry to fold, a meal to make, a card to write, a friend to call.....all with no pain and I'll not ever complain again. I live to take care of the people I love. And about this being like a 15 round heavyweight fight that goes to the end...all I can do is hang on and do my best. This, my friends, is my best, for today.

I had NO idea it would get this way. I thought that I did ok through the first couple of treatments and that was how it was going to be. My Dr. warned me that I would get more and more tired....he said they are kicking me down harder each time so it makes sense that the struggle to get back up each time would be more difficult. I just thought I could do it. No problem. Yeah. Stupid me. REALLY stupid me. What the hell was I thinking?

I think perhaps this very naive view comes from watching a very dear friend go through treatments for years. Her name was Bette. She was ALWAYS up. No matter about the surgeries. No worries about the pathology. No signs of pain.....slowed down sometimes but she was ALWAYS going. Sometimes I found it hard to believe that she was sick because she just sparkled. Then one day her body just gave out. Her spirit could no longer be contained and she was gone. She is my inspiration.....always an upbeat, positive attitude to the world. I know I haven't had that lately, but it IS what I want.....I apparently have the built in need to whine and cry. Sometimes, like many of you have pointed out, I just need to cry...I feel better after I do. I always seem to feel like I need to apologize for it. My priest (Hi Capt. Cootiesniffer) says that if I need to cry, then cry. So what if it makes other people uncomfortable?

I'm rambling. Overtired. In pain. Eating peanutbutter from a spoon and sucking on a giant iced tea.

And Stilly? The book arrived yesterday, Pete brought it in when he got home (LONG driveway...HE gets the mail when I hurt)....it's PERFECT!!!   And having lived in Atlanta for a time, I can relate to the southern aspect of it...just the title made me giggle. I'll be tucking into bed with it later today. THANK YOU!!!!

Ok. I need a nap. Getting out of the house was good. Exhausting but good.

Love to you all!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 08:15 AM

Thanks for the update Michelle - keep on telling us how you feel - like crying, it's good to get out even what you see as negative thoughts. Let the Universe take them and leave you free to heal. the fact that we are all still here every day should tell you something about how we see you.

After Kendall's latest health scare I was sent a card stating

LICENSE TO BITCH AND MOAN - you earned it!

Very apt and I would say the same to you. Have you thought that maybe others see you as a Bette, because you keep most of the tears for times when you are by yourself?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 11:23 AM

(((MICHELLE.))) It took Bette a whole lifetime to achieve that attitude. Give yourself some slack, (((YOUNG WOMAN.))) Besides, docs break "bad" news as gradually as they can, so folks freak out less and fight stronger as a result. You can only know what they tell you, so ix-nay on the ummie-day stuff!

And in case you forgot, my scooter is available ANY TIME. With a pre-chore PM in the evening or, sometimes, an AM phone call--

I can meet you with scooter, offload it, hang out while you shop, and reload it when you are done.


Pls tell Bonnie she is in charge of reminding you on that, OK?

Gotta run, and BE NICE TO PETAL,

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 11:33 AM

OMGosh Susan!!! I never thought of that. I was thinking the scooter was for use at church!!!

I am in Ithaca today.....feeling better, still some ache in my knees but manageable. I am hanging out at the bookstore all day while my honey is at work. We'll go out for lunch (thinking of getting sandwiches and having lunch at the arboretum which is in full bloom). I am reading some books for my book club...both about the Civil War, mostly focusing on Antietam at the moment. We have a bus trip scheduled for the end of may to Antietam so I'm trying to learn as much as I can. Interesting stuff.

So....hot cocoa and books all day. Yes, life is better today!

<3 Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 11:52 AM

You prolly just missed the verbal announcement that the scooter is lendable as needed by arrangement. We have been discreet about it (risk mgmt issues) until the needed re-making of the armrests/handlebars was done. And we have the parts on hand now. Soon it will live in the Narthex with a sign posting its policies, and can even be picked up there by advance arrangement. It is reserved for me for Convention weekend, keep in mind, for early June. And I use it on Fridays, often, plus some weeknights around W'boro. But M-Th weekdays--- it often sits unused, either in my van or the Narthex.

But do pls let Bonnie know that it IS avail for the next round, OK? (I'm so busy with work stuff now that I need reminders on timely opportunities to assist.)

~Susan
CC: Capt. CS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 29 Apr 10 - 03:16 AM

It's 3:15am.

Did you ever have dreams that didn't make sense yet your brain continuted to try and make sense of it until frustration woke you up? Sheesh.

So. I'm up sitting by the pellet stove with Jack the kitty sitting on my lap, happily purring away. Had a little snack and will try to go back to bed sometime soon. Purr, purr, purr.

=^..^=

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 29 Apr 10 - 07:38 AM

I hope you got back to sleep and have a day of feeling rested and hopeful.

love to you~~~♡♡♡

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 29 Apr 10 - 07:48 AM

meow!

I think the worse dreams are the ones that make sense, then I realise I'm not really asleep & am directing it - making the universe fit MY script!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 29 Apr 10 - 08:32 AM

I did go back to bed but not until I fussed with my montage a bit. I'll be posting a link to it here later today..just an update with a handful of new photos. :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 29 Apr 10 - 09:19 AM

Here's the updated montage!

Updated 4-29-2010


Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 29 Apr 10 - 09:46 AM

Michelle - that's amazing! Thanks for sharing.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Apr 10 - 11:20 AM

LF, have you noticed-- OK, the pain and weakness get worse with each chemo. But!!! Each time, you manage daily living more wisely to bounce back quicker each time. That's YOU, on autopilot.

A nice benefit to getting older, I say.

I think a LOT of newly-diagnosed survivors would be helped by hearing this-- by directing their attention to the inner drive for health that ALSO kicks in during treatment. It's the upside that balances the downside.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 01:14 AM

I manage my daily living more wisely? Really? You think so? Explain please.

I'm up again in the night and really I can't afford to be. Tomorrow I go along with a friend to the Dr. and then in the PM, my yoga studio is having a party. I said I couldn't go as I don't have a car to get there right now but my yoga teacher wouldn't hear of it and is coming to pick me up AND bring me home!!! They are celebrating the end of the yoga challenge which was 30 days for $30.00. I went twice. She doesn't care....said people are missing me and asking about me and it wouldn't be a MSY party without me. YAY!!! I get to go!!!! Without my cane too!!! YAY!!!!

For May, I signed up for the beginner class in yoga. Any of you that know me from the accountability thread KNOW that I LOVE yoga and was going several times a week prior to my chemo. I no longer have the energy or strength to complete a regular yoga class but I think I will be able to manage the beginners class....slowly rebuilding step by step...or heck, even just doing some of it is good. I've missed it terribly and it's embarrassing to just go and sit through an active class or to roll around on my back while suns are being led....even though I know it's ok to do...I'd rather participate than sit and watch!

Anyway, I think it's an Ambien kind of night. I didn't sleep last night, no nap today and I'll need my energy tomorrow. So....goodnight all. See you tomorrow.

Michelle who feels a BAZILLION times better today!!!! HOORAY!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 04:05 AM

I love that gift bow head fashion thing. Still here with you, little chickpea.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 06:54 AM

Sounds like there more than one tough cookie in this battle so tell yer mom "Hey" fir me, will ya, Michelle... Only a $100 at the grocery store with an empty pantry??? Not bad...

Enjoy yer day...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 07:22 AM

Here's your daily <<>>...

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 08:28 AM

YAY!!! Daily hug!!!!! And Bobert....I did really well with that $100.00....times are tight....it's amazing what you can come up with when you have to! And also...I caught a killer sale...one reason why we went that day! My nana likes to say she can make a penny scream for mercy...I'm trying to follow in her footsteps!!! *G*

SO.....I got a decent night's rest and in an hour, it's MY turn to accompany someone else to the Dr. She is coming for my next chemo treatment, staying overnight with me, the whole works. I think it's only fair to do the same for her...although her appointment won't take more than an hour.

Mom and I were out for a ride yesterday and decided to stop in and visit Tracy, a friend I met in chemo who I have clicked with ever since. She was DELIGHTED!!!!   She had no idea we were coming so she was in her jammies, no makeup,....she was just enjoying herself at home the best she could. She was all apologetic and I told her that I didn't care, I came to see HER. She lit right up and pretty soon she took her hat off and there we were, two bald friends yukking it up at the dining room table. Hugs, laughter and on the verge of tears at times for both of us. I am going to make a point of going to see her more often (get my car back next week)....it was great for her spirits and for mine too. I LOVE YOU TRACY!!!!!!

Just thinking about it makes me smile.

Ok. Gotta get dressed. I'm showered, my hair is all done (ha ha ha....don't laugh.....I combed my eyebrows!!!....GRIN) and still have some morning chores to do.

I FEEL FABULOUS TODAY!!!!!!!!!!   ****HAPPY DANCE********

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 08:29 AM

OMGosh!!! 1,000!!!!

One thousand posts of love and support that has kept me going and means so much...YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 08:58 AM

you have eyebrows? i am so envious. hypothyroidism means mine are vanishing never to return.

really good to hear you on the upside of things again, Petal.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 10:59 AM

I'm glad to see you bounce back after each of these treatments. Keep up the good work, kiddo! And the good works!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 11:15 AM

Show you, huh?

Ok. Gotta get dressed. I'm showered, my hair is all done (ha ha ha....don't laugh.....I combed my eyebrows!!!....GRIN) and still have some morning chores to do.

I FEEL FABULOUS TODAY!!!!!!!!!!

Nyah nyah

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 11:43 AM

So great to see you happy, Michelle. Enjoy it.
Much love,
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 01:34 PM

Happiness just overflows. Reading your latest posts, Michelle, have made my day happier than it already was.

Have a really good day melove.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 10:20 PM

Today has been incredible. It started last night. I fell asleep after a fit of hysterical laughter in bed with my husband......giggle fest extraordinaire! I haven't laughed so hard or so much in months.

This morning I went with my friend to an appointment she had.....we rocked out to Lady GaGa all the way home. Felt like a teenager....FUN!

Did a whole yoga class today, including 2 full sun salutations. No twists as they pull on my port but I did everything else. Sweat so much I had a puddle on the mat under my head....literally. Disgusting but sweet too......I worked hard and it felt SO, SO GOOD!!! Yoga party followed....chatted up a storm with all kinds of people I haven't seen in a bit.

I am so tired. Happily exhausted.

Today was a day well lived!! My heart, soul and spirit are blissfully happy.

Goodnight sweet friends.

Love to all.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Apr 10 - 10:31 PM

Giddy. Giddy is the word I was looking for.

YAY FOR GIDDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 May 10 - 08:12 AM

another great day

keep having 'em

hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 01 May 10 - 09:43 AM

Gigglefest???

I told ya'll that a little cannibus in the oatmeal cookies would work wonders...

BTW, Michelle... Saw on the news the other night a lady who went into the store and came out with a shopping cart full of stuff for less tah two bucks??? Not sure how that works... We clip coupons too but ya' generally gotta actaully buy something to get a second one free...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 01 May 10 - 11:17 AM

Another good memory to hold onto when you have a 'down day', Michelle.

Here's to lots more Giddy Days!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 02 May 10 - 08:04 AM

Giggling along with you, dearie! Hooray!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 May 10 - 11:04 PM

Hi Friends,

I will be away for a few days. My mom has surgery is having surgery on early Tuesday morning and I wouldn't dream of being anywhere except with her. She should be able to go home on Wednesday. So....I'm taking my computer with me but am unsure about what kind of free time I will have.

    Good thoughts and prayers would be appreciated...very, very much.

Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 03 May 10 - 03:07 AM

sending good wishes & hugs to Michelle's lovely mother.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 May 10 - 08:33 AM

You and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers, Michelle. Wish her our best.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Janie
Date: 03 May 10 - 09:45 AM

Good thoughts....

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 May 10 - 11:18 AM

:)   You made me smile! LOL

For those of you who have access to television this afternoon, Dr. Oz is doing a show on Ovarian Cancer. I would highly recommend watching it...ovarian cancer's tag line is: Listen: It Whispers. The symptoms are vague and often mistaken for something else. By the time pain is involved, it has often spread. So....please, take some time to watch it today. I don't want any of you to have to go through what I am going through. EVER.

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 May 10 - 11:29 AM

Good thoughts going out to you and your Mom, Michelle.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 May 10 - 11:31 AM

Thank you for all the good thoughts and prayers...I am outta here!!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 May 10 - 06:43 PM

Good timing, I think Oz comes on at 7 here our time.

I don't have ovaries any more, a different, easier-to-treat cancer saw to that. And I learned recently (when my sister was making surgery decisions) that our aunt had ovarian cancer. For her, it went untreated because she had bad emphysema and that is what she died from soon after the other diagnosis.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: maeve
Date: 04 May 10 - 02:41 AM

Thinking of you and your mother this morning, Michelle.

m

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 May 10 - 06:29 AM

Good Morning,

   All is well with me....didn't sleep much but what else is new? At 6:15am, they took my mom upstairs to get her IV started. She is the first surgery of the morning. She slept all night and did a good job this morning. My mom is the strongest woman I know. She's going to be just fine. We joked about it this morning...a long standing joke in our family.

Mom: I'm going to be just fine.
Me: You are going to be GREAT. If not, I'm gonna kick your ass!
Mom: Laughter.
Me: :)

So....I'm sitting in a giant waiting room with lots of others who are waiting for their loved ones. I have a number that represents Mom. There are TV screens with her number on it. As the number changes color, I know where she is. Right now, she's in pre-op.

Thank you for all the good thoughts and prayers. She means the world to me.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 May 10 - 08:16 AM

As of 8:00am, Mom is in surgery. Sending up more good thoughts and prayers.

Michelle who is anxiously waiting to make sure her mama is ok.

***Saw my surgeon in the waiting room (looking for the family of a patient who just had surgery) and he waved. It's feels good that he knows me and I'm not just a body or a number. I love Dr. Nash.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 04 May 10 - 08:17 AM

We're here with you, love.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 04 May 10 - 08:44 AM

yes

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: gnu
Date: 04 May 10 - 08:44 AM

Yup.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 May 10 - 09:13 AM

9:00am. Mom is in recovery. I have not heard from the Dr. yet and am waiting patiently...ok, maybe not patiently....I wannna see my mama!!!!!!   Continuing lots of good thoughts and feeling grateful for my MudBuds.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 May 10 - 09:54 AM

Mom did GREAT during her surgery and gets to go home TODAY!!! I didn't hear from the Dr. right away because she told him she was here by herself and would have to go home to an empty house! Mind you, we came here last night, went to lunch (Thai..YUM) and dinner, stayed over and I brought her here this morning! Gotta love those pain meds.

HOORAY!!! YAY!!!! ****HANDSPRINGS*** MY MAMA IS OK!!!!!!!

Stealing Susan's thingy...TBTG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 04 May 10 - 10:00 AM

handsprings are not for me, but I'll join in with happy dancing.

love to you both

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 May 10 - 10:05 AM

Going home today??? Good for both of you.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 May 10 - 12:17 PM

Sounds like everything went well! And so much better to be in the waiting room, or in recovery, not in the surgery.

Gorgeous day here today. I hope the rest of you are drying out and able to get out and absorb some healthy rays and make a little vitamin D for yourselves!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 May 10 - 05:52 PM

Home!!!!! (Well, at Mom's house).

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 05 May 10 - 01:39 PM

Fighting some anxiety today....saw some statistics that have me on edge and I'm doing the best I can to ignore them. They were as follows: 25,000 women in the US will be diagnosed with ovarian cancer this year. 15,000 of them will not survive. Outright depressing. My Dr. said I am going to be fine. They found mine really early and I'm trying to keep that in mind.

Today I am taking care of my mom. She's doing ok and that makes me happy. They found NO sign of ovarian cancer in her..HOORAY!!!!!!! I am cooking and cleaning for her, ran some errands and will do anything else she needs. I am also going home tonight to make dinner for my honey. I won't be staying there....Mom really shouldn't be alone at night just yet. I'll be happy to see him as I miss him. Feels good to be the one taking care of others for a change.

Really. Really good.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 May 10 - 01:42 PM

10,000 of them will and so will you.
Mom is lucky to have you.
Stay strong.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 05 May 10 - 06:08 PM

What a busy recuperation you've been having, Michelle!

It's beginning to feel a little summery here. Have you checked about your meds--can you get sun, or do you have to stay out of it? I think I asked this before, but I don't remember if you got an answer. Anyway, take it easy back there!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 05 May 10 - 06:35 PM

I saw my surgeon yesterday for my 3 monthly post-op check up (everything ok naturally!) & he looked concerned for a second or 2 when I said you were having treatment for ovarian/uterine cancer. When I said it was stage 1, he was very pleased (same as your doctor!) that it was found so early. So he's not worried about you (same as your doctor!) does that sentence make sense?

if the doctors aren't worrying, & you must, maybe you can worry about more important things like what's for dinner, or washing up or ...

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 05 May 10 - 06:41 PM

You are a wonderful daughter, dear one, and you are and will continue to be just fine!
How about sleep? Getting any?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 05 May 10 - 10:51 PM

My Dr. told me to not worry until he told me I had something to worry about. It's just on my mind.

I have to say that I have enjoyed taking care of my mom the last few days. It feels good to be useful. I made an early dinner for her (lean burgers and perogies at her request) and then drove home to make dinner (and eat....salmon on the grill, brown rice infused with lemon and summer squash with carrots and had dessert too....coffee ice cream..YUM) with Pete. He was very happy about that and I was too as I miss him. At the moment, I'm back at Mom's and she's sleeping. As for my sleeping...I did get some last night with the help of Ambien. I'm pretty tired tonight and am hoping to fall asleep on my own. Mama is currently sleeping on the couch which is where I sleep but I don't have the heart to wake her up.

Allison, I was listening to your CD on the drive home....Be like a bird.......what is the next line of that song? LOVE IT.

Much love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: maeve
Date: 05 May 10 - 10:57 PM

Michelle, here it is. Our chorus sings it too, and I love it. I used to have the words imprinted on a clay tile in the garden:
    "Be like a bird, who, halting in her flight

    On a limb too slight, feels it give way beneath her;

    Yet sings, sings, knowing she has wings;

    Yet sings, sings, knowing she has wings."*link


*adapted from words by Victor Hugo.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 May 10 - 03:14 AM

At our recent National Folk festival, Catter Callie's choir almost went thru the stage! Naturally they kept singing.

The stage manager was worried when 77 members came onto the high temporary stage & said that if he gave the signal members had to leave immediately, so at the signal one side (sopranos I think) moved off backwards, singing & kept going from the ground as one member could see Callie & passed on her directions.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 06 May 10 - 07:02 AM

Go Michelle and Michelle's Mom!!!

Still here...

Hang in there... Yer doc is right... You'll be in the 10,000 Club... Might even become prsident of the 10,000 Club...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 06 May 10 - 11:59 AM

:) :) :)

Waiting for a call from the Dr. about my most recent CA-125 test results.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 06 May 10 - 01:37 PM

CA-125

Normal is 35.
Pre-Surgery: 500+
Late April: 17. something
Today, May 6, 2010: 18.6

They said a little flucutation is normal. No worries.

*Deep breath and gratitude*

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 06 May 10 - 01:50 PM

still following your progress and sending love and hugs

happy about the numbers

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 06 May 10 - 01:55 PM

What good news dear. Keep thinking positively!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 06 May 10 - 06:51 PM

Whew. I am just about worn out. Cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner (for Mom), dinner for Pete and I, did 4 loads of laundry, did the grocery shopping, took out the trash, did the dishes, packed up all my stuff to go home and whatever else Mom needed. She's doing MUCH bettter today and is able to get up and around on her own! Oh...and I did wound care for her today too! I'm glad she's feeling better! YAY MOM!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 May 10 - 05:01 AM

rest well! as your mom will.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 07 May 10 - 08:21 AM

You go, woman!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 May 10 - 09:16 PM

I think people who say, "Everything happens for a reason" need to be smacked upside the head. Twice.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 May 10 - 10:28 AM

I learned something new today. Or if it's not new, I have forgotten it. Pete and I were talking about....oh hell. I don't know how the topic came up but he said that my surgeon told them that my cancer was contained and there was no reason to think that it would have spread.

Why didn't someone tell me this? I know the staging but I had NO idea that it was clearly contained. Guess who cried tears of relief?

Maybe the staging indicates that but I had not heard it in those terms. Contained. One of the best words ever.

Michelle who is off to have lunch with an old high school pal who I haven't seen in about 2 years.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 May 10 - 11:28 AM

Speaking from vast combined experience on patients and news--

It is not at ALL unusual to not fully hear/understand every word as you get it, at the time you get it...

Or for docs to be sure all fam members DO get it all, at the time they hear it, so they can recall it for the pt. at the time it is most needed.

One of the more interesting features of pastoral care is to hear all the fam. tellings, sift out the "facts," and hold them all, till needed. In the meantime the pastor(s) pray for the whole magilla, and all the potentialities implied. Professional boundary thingie.

Thinks of it like this-- as a teacher or youth counselor, a pro knows things they may not foist upon a child or yoot-- or their parental beings-- because this or that detail may not be the most important thing for them to kn ow right then, in their professional opinion.

In this situation you have been doing the patient's job, and beautifully. You have known what to focus on at each step and have done so, with great strength.

A lot of people hear it all and then just argue with what they are told, anyway. One of the lovelier things about community is that it includes voices who will be wiser than we sometimes are. I like to think it is all God's plan that we hear these different voices, and that He gives strength and wisdom to folks when they need to make sure we "get" something. A big clue is that the truest wisdom usually comes in terms of love, because that's where He tends to put the strength. :~)

Would you really believe anyone right now besides Pete? :~)

I think if you look back, you will see that you alluded to this containment issue very early on. I think I recall it. Tho you may not have known how important it would prove to be to you later, and did not focus right on it squarely. That's OK. Pete had it for you!

~Susan

CC: CS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 May 10 - 10:39 PM

I am sure you are right Susan. I'm sure I didn't hear much of what was said. I recall feeling like I'd been hit by a giant speeding train....BAM....and stunned. I remember Father Cootiesniffer coming to Mom's house the day I got my intial news......he tried to talk to me but I had no idea what to say. No idea what to think. No idea what to feel....never felt so numb in my life.

I do recall my surgeon telling me I was Stage 1. For the longest time, he wouldn't say if I was going to be ok. Finally, about a month ago, he apologized that this has been so traumatic for me and he said, "You are going to be good." My chemo oncologist says I am Stage 2A...only because 2 organs were affected. I don't know if this is because there was cancer found on both ovaries or if it is because I had cancer in my uterus...completely separate cancers btw.....NOT a spread of one to the other.

I know that this morning I had said something about wishing I knew how much cancer was seen on each ovary....and how I wish they had taken or tested or whatever they do with lymph nodes. Pete said my surgeon didn't think it was necessary and that he would be able to tell visually.....I don't know about that. What I do know is that he is the head of the OB/GYN Oncology department and is a nationally recognized surgeon in the ovarian cancer arena. I feel very confident about my surgeon and trust him implicitly. Where am I going with this? I have no idea. I guess that's kind of how the topic came up this morning.

If I did allude to it earlier, I have forgotten. If I have forgotten, I wish someone would have reminded me of it more frequently....maybe it would have relieved some intense worry time for me. But then again, if I was told this once, why would someone repeat it to me? I know some people dispute the idea of chemo brain but I'm here to tell you that my memory, especially my short term memory is shot. You'd think I'd remmeber something so important to my well being. I think that one of the reasons I write so much...not just here but on my blog as well is so I DO have a memory of this....where I've been, what my thoughts are, how I was able to work through things. Not terribly long ago, I started reading what I've been writing since December. What stands out the most is that I knew....deep down, I KNEW something was horribly wrong but I couldn't put my finger on it. I think my panic and anxiety was because I knew the news was bad....and waiting as long as I did for that to be confirmed was absolute hell for me. I had to stop reading my blog because it just brought all that up for me, including the panic.

I have been taking an antidepressant since January but recently read that some antidepressants reduce the effectiveness of chemo. I called my oncologist right away and he said the one I am taking is fine and I have nothing to worry about. I have stopped taking them anyway. The idea that it COULD reduce the effectiveness of my chemo....that it's possible that I'm not getting the full benefits of this process (which can be pure hell at times)...well, I'm not willing to take that chance. At all. Period. So...we shall see what my reaction is but really, I think I'm doing ok in that arena. I know I get panicky every once in awhile....but I think that's probably normal for anyone with a cancer diagnosis.

I'm rambling. Sorry.

I was productive today....cleaned out one dresser and did some organizing in my closet....still a lot to do but I made a dent! Also had lunch with an old friend and spent the late afternoon with a new friend who I just love.....ever meet someone you instantly click with? Uh huh. That's Angie. :)

Anyway, I need to finish up some of the closet stuff.

Goodnight my friends.

Michelle

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 08 May 10 - 11:08 PM

Well, the problem with cancer treatment is that these good folks who treat it are in it every day and sometimes they just assume that folks know what the heck they are talking about when, in reality, they don't... But they do usually recommend certain books to read so that the patient will be up to speed... I don't really agreer with that approach... I wish doctors would spend a little more time talking in general terms and less in terms about platlet counts and stuff that is way over most folks heads...

That is just my beef with the fine folks who are out there very day on the front lines treating people...

The line I hated hearing was, "Well, we can treat that, too..." in regards to the effects of chemo...

But, havin' said that, Stage 1, Michelle??? Geeze, that is wonderful to hear... That will get you memebership in the "10,000 Club"...

Hang in there... You'll be looking back on this as a *survivor* in short order (relatively speakin')...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 08 May 10 - 11:36 PM

Words of wisdom my sister said decades ago which I have NEVER done - take a written list of things you need to know when visiting a doctor & write down what you are told.

Occasionally I ask Dr to write something for me (usually something like the name of the vitamin she want me to use cos I know I'll forget) & I'm always asking my physio to write down details of the exercise she recommends cos I know I won't remember (her stick figures are sooo cute!) but I've often returned home after visiting a doctor with something not mentioned or remembered. I had to make another visit once to get a Referral to the Specialist I was seeing a day or 2 later, which was the main reason I'd made the first appointment!

Good thing you have Pete to remember things for you.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 May 10 - 12:16 AM

Yep. Surgeon/oncologist says Stage 1.
Chemo Oncologist says Stage 2.

Either way, I know that's good.

As for the platelet stuff....well....when I have a chemo appointment it kinda goes like this. I check in and they call me into the lab and access my port for blood and then attach the chemo tubing, minus the chemo. Then I see the chemo doc. He goes over the results from the lab work they took 20 minutes ago. Anything that is out of line is flagged. For me, that's the platelets and always the blood sugar readings too because the steroids shoot that into outer space. If my platelets fall 13 more points (and it's been falling in much larger increments), they are going to send me home or do a platelet transfusion via my port. I feel better knowing that it would be with my port as that means no painful IVs or hanging out on some creepy slab with mad scientist gear all around. While I can't feel the platelets drop or that they are low, I have to be aware of it as low platelets mean the inability for my blood to clot. Should I cut my finger while chopping veggies, I need to head to the ER because I will need something to help me stop the bleeding...my body won't do it on it's own if the cut is more than a scratch. So...while I'd rather be blissfully ignorant about a good deal of the lab work (and I am),I do need to know some of it. He's good about explaining but I'm bad at remembering. I had him go over the photo pathology of the cancer but for the life of me, I have no idea what he told me. So...I have these photos of black spots but don't quite understand what is what or where. I am going to take my digital camera next time and record what he says so I can refer to that.

I do take a note pad with question. I also take my Mom who writes down the answers because my fingers are too numb and tingly to write much.

And it's a good thing that I have Pete to remember...and everything else. I don't know what I'd do without him! Just tonight he fixed dinner and the washing machine....and both are perfect!!!!!!

It seems I've been running lots and have had very little time with him lately so tomorrow we are having a day to ourselves. I am really looking forward to that and I think he is too. :o)

And Bobert, I'm looking forward to being Queen of the 10,000. I just polished my tiara............*GRIN*

Love to all.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 May 10 - 12:47 AM

Michelle, I know it's important for you to get this stuff down in your mind, but be careful, please, to not obsess over the past bits. KNOW that you have been well-treated by the docs you were guided to and KNOW that you are free and clear of it all NOW. The "what ifs" about the future and thinking far ahead can drive a gal nuts. I know, it did me until I had to come to a full-stop!*bg* We can all tell you it will be okay and it can help tremendously to hear that reassurance, but deep down you need to believe/know it, too, as you are the most powerful healer there is for you.

I always take a pad with questions on it, too. Recording the doc on your camera is brilliant. I have thought of doing that with my cellphone, but usually have Rog there to help me remember.

I watched some comic or someone recently, talking about men and women and communication; it may have even been something I read here or a link I followed. Ultimately it came down to the husband/partner's job is to just say "It's okay" or "It's going to be okay." I like that. My Rog doesn't always respond with what I would like, word-wise, but he remembers that one, really well, and it always make a believer outta me! Here's to your Pete and what he is doing for you that way, too.

Oh, and, it's going to be okay!*bg*

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 May 10 - 02:33 PM

Years ago, a friend told me that no two people should worry about the same thing at the same time. It is counter-productive.
Try to let you heath experts do the worrying while you live in the NOW. You're alive and healing. You're mother is recovering nicely. Pete is healthy and by your side. Celebrate the little miracles of today.
Be well, my friend.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 May 10 - 09:55 AM

Refresh

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!
From: Rowan
Date: 10 May 10 - 06:07 PM

I ... read that some antidepressants reduce the effectiveness of chemo

As a cynic from way back I've always read the CMI sheets that come with all medicines I've had prescribed over the years and I've made it my business to read up on the (very rare) ones I've just bought over the counter; at heart I'm not into chemotherapy unless a properly informed medico can convince me otherwise.

Now that I'm into chemo not unlike Michelle's I am issued with (what the NSW Cancer Council calls) "The Red Book" which tracks everything and anything to do with my medical treatment, including stuff from my ophthalmologist. Just as well, because one of the drops for my glaucoma (which, I gather, has depressant side-effects; not afflicting me, so far) got the chemo nurses asking whether I still had glaucoma; the predictable answer ("Yes") meant that one of the chemicals used in my changed chemo regime was contraindicated and thus not administered. It only treated expected side-effects of other, required, parts of the chemo regime so it was no great loss.

The local Cancer Support Group (which lost one of our founding members last week; Vale Mary Maclean, a very strong woman indeed) has regular talks by various professionals (dieticians, pharmacists, masseurs, psychologists, nurses, social workers, alternative/complementary medical treatments, etc) and a regular theme is that all your professionals who administer chemical treatments should be informed of all your medical intakes from all your sources, as many things can have synergistic (and often unwanted) effects.

I'm not really posting this for Michelle's benefit but in case there are others (posters or lurkers) who might find it useful info.

Great news, Michelle!

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 May 10 - 09:20 PM

I will have my 5th chemo treatment one week from today. And today I found myself walking ALL day, feeling great! Pete and I had dinner out and at the end of the meal I had half a cup of coffee. I don't know if it's the caffiene or the mix of caffiene and what's left of the chemo in my body but I have been singing at the top of my lungs for the last hour and a half (LOVE Carolyn Wonderland) and am giggly beyond giggly. I am not complaining.....just sayin.........

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I am HIGH!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 May 10 - 10:25 PM

Here's a link to one of my current favorite songs that I was belting out tonight: Long Way To Go

Favorite line? "Yesterday is a memory. Tomorrows never ours to see. As I walk through this life, I know I'm never alone. All we have is the air we breathe, the here and now and the things we leave.
Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 May 10 - 02:59 AM

I read something very interesting the other day (I have no idea where I read it).....most cancer chat sites have the most activity late in the night...like now...almost 3:00am. If I don't take Ambien, I either don't sleep or I wake up multiple times during the night..usually with multiple freakish nightmares....horrific stuff..never a complete night of uniterrupted rest without meds during chemo.....must be some powerful stuff to disrupt a body's sleep rhythm so much. As long as it's killing cancer cells....ALL the cancer cells, then it's fine by me.

I took some Ambien about 30 minutes ago....la la la.

In the meantime, I've been looking at wedding dresses online. Why? Well, I've been thinking about the things in life I've always wanted to do and one was to wear a wedding gown. I've been married now for almost 18 years but when we got married, I did not have the dress of my dreams. So...we have discussed renewing our wedding vows and I WANT THE DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) And I want to wear it in my church as Pete and I were not married by a priest....so that's something I want to see happen too. :) Pete is all for it!!!! :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 May 10 - 04:48 AM

a lovely idea

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 May 10 - 08:09 AM

HMMMMMM
Would you like Jacqui and me to start hitting the thrift shops for bridesmaids' gowns. We can be very creative with circa 1950 satin and lace.

heh heh


Actually that is a wonderful idea, Michelle. Will Pete wear a tux?
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 May 10 - 01:57 PM

I think if I asked Pete to wear a tux he might. He's more of an outside kinda man...full beard...think Grizzly Adams. I *WANT* the dress and I'd want him to wear whatever he felt comfy in. *visualizing* Um. This could turn out very strange....at least for the eyes. The hearts, however, would continue to be forever happy. :)

I should put up some links to the ones I like. I want ivory, some kind of sleeves (I have bat arms so sleeveless just isn't going to work) and so far, the flower bouquets I love best are just stems of lilacs tied with a simple ivory silk ribbon. :) I don't have a date in mind at the moment as when we renew our vows, I'd like to have HAIR and also, I think it would be extra special if Veronica, her son and our son were there too.....her baby is due in Septemeber and ours is due in December! :) It's fun to daydream about and plan....

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 May 10 - 02:02 PM

What baby is due in December?????

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 May 10 - 07:33 PM

I second that!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 May 10 - 10:36 PM

We are adopting a baby boy from Ethiopia. He will be between 8 and 10 months old when he arrives.....they say that will be in December!!! Didn't I share this? I thought I did.....but if not....YAY.....yes....our son will be here soon....although it really does feel like FOREVER away!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 May 10 - 12:09 AM

You know, Michelle, I wouldn't say this to most people, but when I look at all that has happened this few months (and I hope you'll take this in the spirit it is intended) I think the big C "Cancer" is the best thing that could have happened to you. You've blossomed, you've grown in so many ways, and you've looked at so many things you never considered before. Your beauty has come through in so many more ways than it did pre-cancer. You're so strong now! Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? No wonder Pete wants to go through with the wedding, dress and all. It will be a thing of beauty, all around.

I know that I became a much better parent after I was diagnosed and had the surgeries. Suddenly I could focus on what was REALLY important. And for all that you have down days because of the chemo, you're coming through it like a champ, with flying colors, and I'm so proud of how well you're doing everything!

This adoption is great news, and perfect timing. And because you really really know what is important, I know you'll be an even greater mom now than you would have been in the past.

I'm reminded of Viktor Frankl's book Man's Search For Meaning (don't buy it from Amazon, find it for a couple of bucks in a used bookstore somewhere). It's a wonderful slim volume that talks about how diversity (to put it mildly) can help you find yourself.

Good luck with all of this!

Maggie (Stilly River Sage)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 May 10 - 08:00 AM

WOW!
You hinted that you had postponed the adoption. Adoption pregnancies last years sometimes. Been there; done that.
You realize that this officially makes you a member of the 10,000 Club.

Two babies in a matter of months. SIGH. Think I'll go get a kitten. 'm jealous.

Not really - much love and great joy here in Maine.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 10 - 09:31 AM

                           .__  .__                 __   
    ____ ___  ___ ____  ____ |  | |  |   ____   _____/  |_ 
  _/ __ \\  \/  // ___\/ __ \|  | |  | _/ __ \ /    \   __\
  \  ___/ >    <\  \__\  ___/|  |_|  |_\  ___/|   |  \  |  
   \___  >__/\_ \\___  >___  >____/____/\___  >___|  /__|  
       \/      \/    \/    \/               \/     \/      
                               ._.
    ____   ______  _  ________ | |
   /    \_/ __ \ \/ \/ /  ___/ | |
  |   |  \  ___/\     /\___ \   \|
  |___|  /\___  >\/\_//____  >  __
       \/     \/           \/   \/

Wedding and baby. You certainly don't do things by halves! More power to you, Angel.

What about something a bit medieval re wedding kit. Covers the arms, you can use lovely colours and brocades in both his and hers outfits, very romantic and Pete would probably look a treat in tunic and thigh boots.

gown
simpler gown

Head covering could be made by yours truly - it would be an honour.
I can do this one in pearl beads only with or without sprays you add veil.

Or if not this is lovely
head dress

if I am getting too enthusiastic, just tell me to back off.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 10 - 09:33 AM

blast... my excellent news scroller messed up.

well you get the idea.

fixed it
mod

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 May 10 - 10:58 AM

No problem, Miss Tam. It says Excellent News.
I studied Alien languages in college.

Names?? Names??? Have you thought of names?
Max is nice.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 May 10 - 11:13 AM

wonderful news

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 May 10 - 05:47 PM

"Max is nice" LOL.

Yes, Max is a nice name!!!! Just the way I read it struck me as funny!

We haven't decided on a name yet...there are a couple....so far we like Jacob Thomas the best. :)

But we also like Jeremiah...I love the name John but he doesn't. He likes the name Elmore but ummm...I'm not a fan.

OH. Guess what?

Today I got an invitation from the hospital where I have had all my surgery and chemo for a party....for cancer survivors!!!!   YAY! My mom was with me when I opened the envelope and she wanted to know what it was..I tried to ready it but yeah...you got it....I cried. I am allowed to take my caregivers and I plan to CELEBRATE in a big way......hope it's an event with lots of yelling and dancing cuz baby, LOOKOUT!!!!   They are also going to have a large banner like the one they currently have that greets you when you get off the elevator or take the stairs....It says Cancer Survivor and people sign their names to it....every time I see that banner I look forward to the day when my treatment is over and I can sign it too....there will be a new banner this year and this celebration falls just about the time of my last chemo treatment. I am EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 May 10 - 07:16 PM

10,000 is a nice round number.
Dance the night away.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 May 10 - 03:28 AM

literally, a happy dance.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 13 May 10 - 07:56 AM

Haven't been in for a few days - what a lot of lovely news to come back to!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Bobert
Date: 13 May 10 - 08:35 AM

PARTY!!!

Sounds like things are lookin' up fir ya', Michelle... That's great but...

...I told ya' so...

But great to hear it anyway...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 May 10 - 03:33 PM

Bobert.....

   I'm countin' on your I told you so's!!!!!! Every single day!!!! Treatment coming up next week.....working hard NOW to get stuff done so I can relax and be miserable next week if need be.

    Planning so you can be miserable in peace. How's that work!?!?!?   :)

   Today is good...lots done around the house, talked to a sweet friend who made my prayer shawl and am after I take a break, I'm off to yoga! YAY YOGA!!!!

   I'm a happy girl today. :)

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 May 10 - 06:07 PM

Planning so you can be miserable in peace. How's that work!?!?!?   :)

well, if you were being miserable while surrounded by misery & miserable times, that would be 2 or 3 lots of miserable!

or something like that.

happy yoga-ing!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Great oncology numbers!!! Yowza!!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 May 10 - 07:04 PM

In March, I requested a care package called The Bag of Hope from the Georgia Ovarian Cancer Coalition. I do not live in Georgia but they were very kind and sent me a huge package of goodies (Susan...you've seen me in the cap they sent several times). Anyway, they sent me an email to say they were now on Facebook and I should check it out and Friend them. Ok. I did.

I emailed them to ask if there are any similar groups in Pennsylvania and included a photo of my bald self in the email. The CEO wrote back that he was going to check into it. I sent back an email saying thank you and included my montage (the same one that I've posted here) of my cancer journey. He wrote back and said he absolutely loved it, that he thought it was couragous,etc and with my permission, he wants to put it up on their website and to share it on Facebook where everyone who is a member can see it!!!   

It made my day! Thanks Doug!

Spent the day helping my mom with errands and laundry. She wore me out and I just woke up from a nap!!!

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 May 10 - 09:57 PM

wow! your montage is spreading further around the (virtual) world!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: kendall
Date: 15 May 10 - 07:05 AM

Bully I say!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 10 - 07:10 AM

Me too!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 15 May 10 - 07:21 AM

How wonderful! Can you imagine the boost that that will give to others walking your road.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 May 10 - 09:52 AM

LF, see PM.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 May 10 - 11:01 AM

Michelle,
I was not not exaggerating when I said that there is a book to come out of all this. You really are a shining star and your story needs to be shared. Apparently others see it too. It is your honest confrontation of your fear, anger, despair,loss and determination to get past it all whole and healthy that needs to be shared.
Congratulations on the recognition.
Love,
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 May 10 - 01:12 PM

Sins,

   I might just put together a book when this is all done. Not only do I write here, but I have a private blog as well...one where many more details and fussing goes on.....keeps me sane! I also keep it so I can remember.....tried to read it from the start the other day but it was just too emotional for me.

   Speaking of emotional, last night after I had run errands all day for my mom, I decided to hit the grocery store in her town to pick up some water that was on sale. I ended up with a few more things but to make a long story short, I was looking at the salad dressings when I felt a hand on my shoulder and a Hey...how are you? I turned around to find someone I met early on in my cancer journey. We chatted a few minutes and then she said, "Have you heard the news?" Blank look from me. Nope. What news? She told me that she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer for the 3rd time. Her husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer ON THE SAME DAY!!! Holy suckfest Batman!!! What's with that?!?!?!?   And then earlier in the day, Mom and I had stopped to visit some folks from our church...he had had prostate cancer and they told us about another friend from church that either has or had prostate cancer. He decided to get the seed radiation and had to drive over 2 hours every day to get to the hospital (that's just getting there!). So I'm beginning to wonder what in the world is going on? Why do so many people have cancer? Why is it such a big secret? I feel so blessed to have met all these people along the path but wonder why I had to be sick or they had to be sick for us to meet? It's almost like a secret society. For me, I am VERY open about it...you all know that. For me, being able to talk, share, learn and to give or receive support is a lifeline for me. Quite honestly, if I had to live with the panic and anxiety I felt in December until now, I don't know if I could have done it. I still have panic attacks and moments of severe anxiety but I'm learning how to get through those more and more....but had that fear been constant, I seriously doubt I would still be here. I can remember Pete telling me that I didn't need to worry about the cancer because I was going to have a heart attack long before I'd need treatment. It was bad for me...with that said, I know others are not wired the same as me...therefore, the lack of support or the idea of not seeking support or keeping their cancer privatenis ok with them. Still. It makes no sense to me. I'm thankful for each and every one of you who has helped me along, extended a hand, lent a shoulder, given me tissues....all of it!!!!
   I'm rambling, I know. I just don't get how there can be this entire community out there for people with cancer that most healthy people have NO idea about. I have to say, it's a WONDERFUL community filled with more compassion for one another than I've ever experienced in my life. I think it's sad that it can't be that way for everybody, all the time.
   My perceptions of my life, the people in my life, what's important to me (or maybe not so important after all) and I how respond to things have all changed substantially. I look different (from how I used to and also different from the norm in society) and I feel different. Does we all really need to go through something so dramatic to wake up?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 May 10 - 01:24 PM

Michelle, please post a link again to your montage. I think you've probably updated it since I last viewed, it, but the link is in this 1000+ thread somewhere. . . easier to bring it back up to the top. Thanks!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 May 10 - 01:46 PM

Here's a link to my montage. I last updated it in late April. It will be updated again next week!

My Journey

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 15 May 10 - 01:47 PM

My darling girl, this is what I get for being on a "computer-diet" for the past week- and what a week it's been for you!
I've just scrolled back and read about the Cancer Survivor's Party, your wedding vow renewal (if Sinsull and jacqui get to be bridesmaids, I get to be flower girl!!) the baby from Ethiopia (I love all the name ideas.... except Elmore. I'm on your side!!), the Facebook celebrity, and your last, heartfelt, beautiful post 25 minutes ago. You beautiful, beautiful woman.

Queen Eliz. II is said to have called the year Charles and Diana and Andrew and Fergie all fell apart as her annus horribilis. You just may want to call this year your annus mirabilis ("year of marvels") for the growth, wisdom, and joy you have achieved.

So, this baby must just have been born? When will you have pictures? May I be the first to claim "fairy godmother" status??

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 15 May 10 - 02:24 PM

I only gots one thing to say...

            _______  _______ _________ _______  _______ _________ _______  _______ _________ _______  _ 
  |\     /|(  ___  )(  ___  )\__   __/(  ____ \(  ____ )\__   __/(  ____ \(  ____ \\__   __/(  ____ \( )
  | )   ( || (   ) || (   ) |   ) (   | (    \/| (    )|   ) (   | (    \/| (    \/   ) (   | (    \/| |
  | | _ | || |   | || |   | |   | |   | (__    | (____)|   | |   | (__    | (__       | |   | |      | |
  | |( )| || |   | || |   | |   | |   |  __)   |     __)   | |   |  __)   |  __)      | |   | |      | |
  | || || || |   | || |   | |   | |   | (      | (\ (      | |   | (      | (         | |   | |      (_)
  | () () || (___) || (___) |   | |   | (____/\| ) \ \_____) (___| )      | )      ___) (___| (____/\ _ 
  (_______)(_______)(_______)   )_(   (_______/|/   \__/\_______/|/       |/       \_______/(_______/(_)
  

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: JennieG
Date: 16 May 10 - 02:28 AM

That's great to hear! I've been out of the loop lately as we have moved house and had no computer for a while.

Love the wedding idea!

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 May 10 - 08:45 AM

Most important part of this post: Allison is going to be a fairy god mother to one very sweet baby boy............LOVE THAT!!!

Now on to today's reality.

I am going to Geisinger today. My 5th chemo treatment will begin around 10:30ish unless my platelet count has dropped further and then I'm not sure what they will do. The options are to send me home for a week to see if they come back up on their own or a platelet transfusion.

I laid down in my bed last night and just sobbed. I don't want to go there today. I'm tired of going there. I don't want that fish hook of a needle in my chest. Further, I don't want all the pain that follows the treatment......I just don't want it. I'm finally feeling GOOD and can MOVE, my energy is up....not to normal, but it is UP. And now I am taking myself back to get kicked down again. My house is not the way I want it for when I return, I have something that want to do almost every night next week. Susan has graciously agreed to let me borrow the church scooter (Had drving lessons with it last night) for Thursday......might have to PM her about another evening as well. I know my legs aren't going to work well enough to do what I want to do, so this is an option. I'm happy for it butF*CK....I'd MUCH RATHER be able to do it ON MY OWN!!!!!!!!!!

I DO NOT WANT TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!   (*&^&^$%$#@$ #@$%#&%^$*^%$^%$@#^%(&^)(*&))(*^(&^$%$@_)()*^&&$%^&%$*^%$%$#@^%$*^)*&)_(*&)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 16 May 10 - 08:51 AM

Just sitting here while you cry it out, as I did with my toddlers. When you're ready, dear one, you've got all these laps to snuggle on for love and hugs. We'll be with you all day, you know.

Besides, in my new role as fairy godmother, you know that extends to the mama of the baby as well, doncha?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Faceboo
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 May 10 - 11:30 AM

Michelle, you can do it, and you'll come out stronger at the end of the week. We all know that. Take care, and comfort yourself with the routines you've worked out.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 May 10 - 12:23 PM

listen to your fairy godmother, not everybody has one!

sending lots of love

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: mouldy
Date: 16 May 10 - 01:19 PM

Just tell yourself that each treatment you have makes one less in the future. (Easy to say, I suppose, when I don't have to go through it myself). You have proved yourself to be one amazingly strong woman, and you are quite within your rights to feel as you do. Nobody is superhuman, even if they do a fairly good impression!

You have come so far already on this journey, and you will see it through!

Andrea xx

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 May 10 - 02:27 PM

For LF only.

Susan has graciously agreed to let me borrow the church scooter (Had drving lessons with it last night) for Thursday......might have to PM her about another evening as well. I know my legs aren't going to work well enough to do what I want to do, so this is an option. I'm happy for it butF*CK....I'd MUCH RATHER be able to do it ON MY OWN!!!!!!!!!!

:~) [singsong] I'se gonna get you for that one........ [grin grin] I'se gonna quote YOU!:

Picking up from last night's conversation when you said [insert name of another CA battler who KNOWS how it is] had to kick your butt and you liked it-- needed it--

[grin grin] KICK KICK from the scooter-er:

===

[grin grin] KICK KICK You ARE doing it "ON MY OWN" (yourself) when you are on a scooter!!! LICK KICK!!! [grin grin]

(And another load of KICK KICKs from ADA people!)

[grin grin] You knock THAT shite off before Relay if you plan on using it then to loan to the other Relayers you described! KICK KICK [grin grin] Respect them!?!?!

(end of KICK KICK)

[grin grin] You should have the several emails by now covering the #2 request-- short version in case hotmail is slow tdy-- -- yes, remember the safety lesson too, read the manual, and get key from Lisa. Or fone Hardi.

Also (clarification) it is not "the church scooter." It is mine, that I KEEP at the church when it can be loaned. (My family bought it for ME and I choose to share it, about halftime.)

===

We'se still a-prayin' ferya, and don't forget the Ambien!

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 May 10 - 10:29 PM

I am at the House of Care after a long day. I got way overtired and cranky....just like the toddler that Allison described and put myself in time out for a nap. I needed it. Badly.

I made a casserole and salad to bring along for dinner and that worked out fine. After dinner Mom and I went to the grocery store to pick up some milk....ran into my surgeon there. He gave me a big hug, told me I looked good and then he paused and he said, "No, you look TERRIFIC." I told him that it was courtesy of him. He smiled and said, "Partly." :) I love that man!

I still am not wanting to go tomorrow morning but I'm pretty sure there's not a single soul there who has looked forward to it all week long. What can I say? I WANT MY LIFE BACK. I am just NOW feeling strong and having energy. I want to work in the garden. I want to putter around our home. I want to clean off the front porch. I don't want to have to ask to use a scooter. I HATE IT. I HATE that I have to take my normally perky self in there to go home and ride the chemo coaster again. Let me say it again, I HATE IT.

While I'm at it, I have 4 eyelashes on my right eye and a few more on the left. My eyebrows are about gone save for a few strays that like to go every which way and one of them is WHITE. WHITE!!!!

And that ass kicking? Doesn't work unless you've been here. Sorry. I was under the impression that the scooter belonged to the church. Sorry about that too. I have no idea what's going on. Can't find a brain cell to save my life. Packed up stuff for sandwiches while I'm here....3 slices of ham, 2 slices of cheese, etc.....did I remember to pack the um....BREAD?!!?!??   Nope. Gotta love these giant gaps of common sense and normal remembering gaps. ARG.

Someone remember to get me up at 7:00am tomorrow so I can put the numbing cream on in time so it actually works before they stick that giant needle into my chest?

And platelets. I need platelets. Lots of platelets.

So People...please powerful prayers for plenty of perky platelets, pretty please. Panic persists pertaining to pesky plummeting platelets. Pitiful!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 May 10 - 11:51 PM

Michelle, you will be a force to be reckoned with once you're through all of this. And a huge help to others going through it, if they read these posts at a time when they really need information.

I've had someone contact me who never read Mudcat before, but found a particular post in a thread because she was searching for any information, personal accounts in particular, of the condition that he son has. I described my son's treatment, and it was a huge help to her to contact me and exchange information, but she couldn't do that until she read what had been written at Mudcat. We may right now have followers who lurk but never say a word (but you're welcome to, just use a guest name and be consistent when you visit). They're gaining strength from your experiences. And weeping about going into something painful isn't backsliding, it's understanding that you must do this and move forward, but you don't like it, so you complain some. At least you're doing exactly what you need to do to get over this cancer. That is the important message.

Good luck kiddo, and we'll be looking for your posts when you feel up to writing.

Maggie

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 06:56 AM

6:43am. I am up, showered, clothes laid out, meds laid out, bed made, my stuff in the room is packed up....all that is left is to actually get dressed, have some breakfast, take more meds (oh my word, why is it that steroids have to be SO DAMN bitter? Gag, gag, sputter, ick, gag some more). MUST PUT LIDACAIN ON BEFORE 7:30!!!

I have a friend traveling with us this time. She's a doll baby with a heart of gold. However....she likes to be chatty and loud in the morning and right now, while I need to focus inside and gather my strength together, it's a bit much. She is trying to help and I love her for that but what I need is just a few minutes of quiet and rally Team Lily, you know? Can't be upset with her...she's trying to help.

So...if anyone reads this before 9:00am, here's what I need today....lots of postive thoughts for a CA-125 tumor marker test that falls in numbers. I need my platelet count to remain steady at 113 and not fall any further. I need a nurse who is kind, gentle and GOOD at getting the port needle in on the first try. I need to take several ouji breaths....it's not necessarily the situation that leads our breathing but rather our breathig can lead us into a situation in the mode we desire the most. I am searching myself for calmness, a sense of humor and my intelligence which I KNOW is in here somewhere. I need a Dr. who isn't going to yell at me because I gained 10 pounds in the last 3 weeks. I've been starving...what can I say? Salt. Salt. And more salt please. Can't get enough.   I need prayers and positives for all good things.
    Time to get moving. I look foward to seeing all of you in a few hours (I have my laptop with me!)

Much love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 May 10 - 12:12 PM

Thinking good thoughts for you today, Michelle.

For some other time, here is a link: BlogForaCure is a Twitter group with links to lots of cancer blogs. You may want to send them your montage link, if you're interested.

Relax, think calm thoughts, tell your friend "shhhhhh!" and have her squeeze your hand and offer support, if it would help. Touch is a powerful medicine.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 12:47 PM

It's 12:19 and I'm all hooked up to my chemo. The port needle went in on the first try and I'm thankful for that.
They took an older woman out of the chemo treatment center, right past me and I had to choke back some tears. Shortly afterwards I was called in to have my port done where I promptly burst into tears. The nurse was very kind, asked what was wrong and reminded me she was on her way to get help.
    The Dr. visit went well. My platelet count is UP to 200!!! HOORAY!!! I am NOT anemic and my white blood cells look great!!! I gained about 10 pounds and I told him I was HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. He said yep....that's chemo. So while I am irritated with that, I know I've not been "bad" it's just that the meds make me crave stuff...primarily salt. I eat popecorn, put loads of green olives in my salad, had potato chips last night (which I ever eat), etc. and I know THAT isn't helpful!! Oh well, have to have a treat sometimes!!!
    My CA-125 test was 17.4, down from last time...EXCELLLET!! I am, however, very tired today. Mom and my friend went back to the House of Care where they will have lunch and then bring me mine. I am thankful for both of them, truly. However, I am also thankful for some quiet, a litte respite for me!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 12:52 PM

PS. New, more powerful meds for achy leg days......he said it's far more powerful than the percocet and be prepared to be groggy.....and to NOT take it if I am home alone....too groggy. I am hoping they give me some relief.

I'm sleepy and going to give in to it.

Night all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 12:56 PM

PSS. Blood sugar 505 this morning. 15 units of log given.

SOooooooooooooo sleepy


Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 17 May 10 - 01:29 PM

Hope you had a good nap Michelle. Not too much longer and you will be through the treatment.Lots of good thoughts coming for the best results from all of this.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 May 10 - 02:58 PM

Lots of good thoughts coming for the best results from all of this.

Amen, and nothing but.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Bobert
Date: 17 May 10 - 03:57 PM

Well, sounds like the cancer got a good butt whup today... Sorry you had to take it with it, Michelle, but yer in the home strecth...

Hang in there... Ol' hillbilly got you in his prayers and thoughts...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 17 May 10 - 05:18 PM

You've been wrapped in our loving, healing thoughts all day, dear one. Lean back and relax into it while we take care of things.

love,
Allison

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 May 10 - 09:56 PM

I'll second that

love from sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 10 - 09:59 PM

I did indeed have a nice nap....several of them throughout the day. My blood sugars are way out of line...just took it a few minutes ago and it's now 585!!! I took some insulin and oral meds and will hope that they do the trick.

I know I said I didn't want to come here but the truth is, I just don't want to face the aftermath. I've seen and visited with several lovely people today and that does my spirit good. Gotta love the Dr.s that hug and kiss you on the cheek....and the nurses that leave their email addys on the tray beside me while I sleep.

Oh and the Dr. also gave me some info about how to lessen the neoropathy in my hands....I hope that works!!! And more powerful meds for my bone pain...but I wrote that earlier.

I came here with my mom and a friend. One of the parties has gotten snippy. I don't care. I can't deal with it....I've got enough other stuff going on and right now I'll just be happy to get home. I have no room for drama in my life...I have enough of my own.

*sigh* I had been hoping for a fun trip. Maybe next time.

Ambien is now floating in my blood so I will sign off before I get goofy and ya'll won't be able to read my tying or a word I say.

Love to you all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 17 May 10 - 11:56 PM

Good for you letting the drama go. Also, don't beat yourself up over the weight. Steroids will make you eat like crazy, too, and cause all kinds of cravings.

I've lost count. Is this the last chemo or next to last? Either way, you faced it, again, and all will be well. You are so right about the breathing, too.

Much love and thanks givings,

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 May 10 - 12:30 AM

Michelle, you're approaching the next hump. Now that the procedure is over, you'll have a couple of rocky days, then get back to your old self. One day at a time, and be as patient with yourself as you can. Like Kat said, don't worry about the weight. Right now you're concentrating on life.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 18 May 10 - 02:42 AM

Michelle... would you mind sharing that info re reducing neuropathy in hands. I have a lot of throbbing hand and arm pain from osteo arthritis in cervical spine. I get desperate when I can't do anything with my hands.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 10 - 08:42 AM

LF--

As you resume home activities you will find that you prepared well for this week. Trust yourself on that, and start looking forward to life after chemo--

Which you have already organized to include friends, children, home, and (not least of these) LOVE.

Trust that, too.

I do not know where you and Hardi left off on scooter use-- I'm buried under work today-- but the last I heard was get key from Lisa. She is in charge of facility use, issuing keys, etc.

~S~

CC: CS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 10:00 AM

Tam,

    He told me to take vitamin B-6, 100mg per day.

Time is short here, I have to get packing. More when I get home.

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 May 10 - 11:50 AM

You'll be home soon and in your own bed - always a blessing. Enjoy the drugs. Not sure about the drama other than this is one of the few times in your life when it is all about you. Take care. It is almost over.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 May 10 - 01:54 PM

Michelle, this thread is a great resource, so do keep us posted on how you're feeling. When this is all over, you'll be able to look back at all you wrote and make the shift and focus on helping others going through this. I've lost track, and I think Kat asked earlier and I didn't notice a response - is this the next to the last treatment, or was this the final one?

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 10 - 02:07 PM

As I am sure Michelle knows (and as I am sure is part of the stress), with cancer there is never a "last" treatment. There can be a last one in a planned series, and then one graduates to checkups and (sometimes, tho one hopes NOT) a new planned series. I believe she has alluded to the numbers they want to see from this round. Of course we all hope she surpasses those hopes. It may be the numbers that will dictate whether this is the last in this series.

===

I would beg to differ that this is a time all about Michelle. As she has herself often indicated, it has also been about fellow journeyers, for her. That is part of what has been so admirable!

===

I share these thoughts not to speak for Michelle, but from long experience with cancer patients' needs. Part of the need can be articulated by the patient. Some of it, tho, they need their supporters to be prepared for-- beyond whatever the patient shares. She has posted often about chemo fog-- thus I post what she may not see squarely in the transition days after the treatment.

This is a time to continue to hold the MOST POSITIVE but also MOST WATCHFUL thoughts. If this is the "last," that is even more true-- because now her body has to build back up and fight HARD to take full advantage of all these treatments, when it is more tired than ever.

===

GO MICHELLE! When is your next yoga scheduled? AMEN!

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 04:21 PM

I am HOME!

This was my 5th treatment and I have one more round of chemo to go which will take place on June 7th. My platelet count acutally went UP this time after months of nosediving. I was certain they would send me home without the chemo treatment as I was very close to the line of no treatment allowed. Not only did the count go up but it went up by 70 points, all on it's own! Why this happened, I do not know. Also, my CA-125, a tumor marker test, dropped a tiny bit, and any downward motion is a good thing!

Te visit with my Dr. went well. He prescribed B-6 at 100mg a day to help with my extremely tingly and sometimes painful hands.....side effect of BOTH of the drugs I get in my chemo. I asked about the extreme pain in my legs and complained about the fog the meds leave me in. He prescribed something stronger for the pain and warned me that I would still have the fog...no way around it...just plan to be at home or in one place. Ok. I figure I will only need it for 2 days or so. As of right now, I am 24 hours out of my last treatment and my hips are beginning to hurt and I'mtired. Pete is home and has been terrific about carrying in my gear, offering to get my suitcase upstairs (where my pillow is still packed0 and just being here. Food is starting to taste strange and I'm feeling a little nauseous after a partial bag of fruit chews.

I talked to the Dr. about what happens after my next chemo treatment and he says I will be followed up by 3 month intravals by both my surgoen and by him. That means exams and blood work each time. I still have my port and am unsure how long that will be left in. It needs to be flushed out every 30 days. Also the 3 month check ups may be staggered between the two Dr.s so I may be seen like every month and a half. If not, I have requested more frequent bloodwork, specifically the CA-125 to make sure there is no tumor activity...or if there is, it can be addressed immediately. I asked for blood work every month instead of every 3 months. He said he might be able to bump it up to every month and a half. It's strictly a security blanket for me.

I slept through a good deal of my treatment yesterday which is new for me. But you know what? My chemo pal did the same...we are on the same schedule and if we are both doing the same thing, I think we can point to the natural progression on the treatment.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 04:29 PM

Oops...hit submit too soon.

Tip: I asked about chemo mouth.....something that makes everything taste terrible....even water which seems to burn my mouth for a week after treatment. The Dr. suggested old fashioned lemon drops. I found Lemonheads...but no lemon drops. I'll have to see what else I can find.

Drama continues in the form of a silent treatment and who am I kidding? It bothers me intensely.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 04:44 PM

Well, I just tried to see what the issue is and was told it was my fault. What else is new? I give up.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 10 - 05:13 PM

Your priest always has a good angle...

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - She's gonna be a Celeb on Facebook!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 May 10 - 05:59 PM

Bless and release them to their highest good, sweetie. Let them sort it out. You have done WELL!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 06:31 PM

Not a priest issue...would be a waste of his time. It's just one of those things that's going to have to work itself out. In the meantime, I feel like crap about it. I've done what I can and that's all there is to it.

I'd like a personal chef tonight please.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:29 PM

you deserve it!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:46 PM

As for that last cancer treatment??? Well, kinda have to disagree with ya, WYSuzie... Follow ups, yeah... Treatments, no...

My mom is a cancer survivor... She had colon cancer almost 40 years ago and had breast cancer about 15 years ago... Yeah, she sees her oncologist once a year... They talk about gardening and family... Not excatly treatment... It's become more of a social thing...

I mean, there are lots of cancer survivors who will never ever again need treatment for cancer because it's long gone...

Michelle is going to be one of those folks... I know that in my heart... I also knew in my heart that I was gonna lose my late wife, Judy... Not too sure how that stuff works but Michelle will be cancer free and just stop by once a year to talk about family and gardening and, you know, stuff...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Pistachio
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:47 PM

Michelle, hello from Hazel, miles away(in East Yorkshire) but thinking of you. I was reading through the accountability thread then computer went to mush and I picked up this thread. I wish you the very best.Sorry to read about the crap(!), hope you find/found a personal chef and, you have my admiration for your fight. Seems you've been working hard on the sorting front... - in prepararation for your down time post Chemo. Hell, I'm impressed. Its an inspiration to read your posts. (((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))
One day at a time- take it steady. Hxx

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 10 - 07:57 PM

Bobert,

   I'm with you. My follow ups are gonna be all about taking my Dr.s fresh eggs (which I do on a regular basis now), showing my yoga photos....I thought my oncologist was going to fall out of his chair when I showed him a photo of me in a headstand....I KNEW he didn't believe me last time!!! LOL And he always asks about my animals.

   Realistically, I know that I will have to be followed for the rest of my life. I know that the odds for breast cancer are higher for me now than ever before. But I also now know that my surgeon said my odds are excellent....93% chance of never having a reoccurance.

   I know they can be wrong. I know I will worry. But I am doing my best to look forward in a positive light.

And Bobert? I love you.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 18 May 10 - 08:32 PM

Dear one, sometimes I read your posts and just have no words, only waves of love. Hope you feel them.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:09 PM

"Bobert, I love you"???? Now we know who the lovelorn groupie was who pursued poor Bobert while he was trying to sell CDs. See, Robbie! She wasn't drunk just stoned on heavy meds. LOL

I am with Bobert. Just one more chemo session then on with your life. Frequent check-ups and more frequent time with the new babies. How does Pete feel about being a Father and a Grandfather in one fell swoop?

As you handled your illness one day at a time and one step at a time, now you can savor the good times, one sip at a time. Two babies, a wedding, go for the gold, girl.

Lemon Lifesavers and lollipops will probably help as well as lemon drops, C. Howard's are amazing. They call them lemon mints but there is no mint flavor just really juicy lemon.
http://www.victoryseeds.com/candystore/chowards_lemon.html

SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:26 PM

I've been looking for Brach's Lemon Drops in stores for years and have not found them. So...just went looking and found their website with them available in bulk. That five pounds was the smallest quantity! I've just emailed them to see if they have a list of retail outlets.

I agree with MariGold and Bobert...you are doing tremendous and don't need any naysayers and squabblers mucking about. I love that you share your eggs and yoga with the docs and I am sure they love it, too. And, it's good for your spiritual self, too, that sharing and caring and ACCENTUATING THE POSITIVE, just the way the song says.:-)

Rest well and use what you need to make it through the rough days.

G'nightdarlin',

kat

Oh, and, remember you are in good company... a lot of cancer SURVIVORS are here at Mudcat...that's a good list to be on and a privileged list...hard won, but oh baby isn't it wonderful!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 18 May 10 - 09:29 PM

Wow, Sins!!! Think I might sign up fir some of that chemo myself... Like a new lease on yer sex life??? No more blue pills???

Cowabunga!!!

B;~)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 May 10 - 11:56 PM

This cancer survivor knows she got off very easily--no chemo, but having the shit scared out of you by the Big C - we all have to deal with that, and it makes each of us appreciate a lot and treat our loved ones with more care, so they really know they are loved, they don't have to assume it. I stopped with the second master's degree (I had finished the coursework, and had a thesis left) when I got the diagnosis. Why shut myself away from my children to study, when I really needed to be a better parent, to be part of their lives? I am sorry I didn't finish the second masters, but it wasn't quite what I wanted, anyway, so if I get a chance, I'll work on it another time.

You have an opportunity to raise a child. Michelle, this is such a gift. I cringe when I read about children in abusive homes - where the parents themselves are babies, are immature, are ignorant, are so many things that don't lead to good parenting. You not only are going to be raising one of your own, you're going to be a role model (again) for your foster daughter and her child. Talk about a dynamic duo!

Let's finish with the hints and the prognostications, the territorial posts. We can all see through them, and none of us need to be told that our cancer didn't quite count as much as someone elses, or that we don't quite really know what we're talking about. We do know, better than you think. WYSIWYG, please sit down, take a few deep breaths, and relax. We know you mean well, but you've been a bit over the top lately.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 19 May 10 - 02:47 AM

Michelle! I had a good dream last night.. Let me first say this is a rarity. Usually my dreams are bad. Very bad.

Second - it was about you. I was watching a newsy / talk show on which you were being interviewed. You looked wonderful. Like a light was shining out of you. I jumped and shouted... "I know her! That's LilyFestre. She is a cancer survivor and she adopted a baby from Ethiopia years ago." I think you were being interviewed about a book you had written.


That dream made my night!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 03:18 AM

:) Tam!!! I love your dream!!! Thanks for sharing that!! Personally, I am awake from having some strange dreams tonight....the one that stands out the most was finding a child lost in the woods...it was very cold out and she was making handprints in the mud. Strange.

And Stilly....I wonder if there aren't millions of people living with cancer or survivors who think they got off easy. I know I whine a lot and yes, I do have intense pain sometimes....but in my heart, sometimes I think I should shut the hell up. I am not nauseous every day, I have people to talk to, I have doctors that I like and trust, I can move for 2 out of 3 weeks, my port (while I hated having it done) went in smoothly...no infecttions.....I could go on and on. I feel very damn lucky and blessed and cringe when I see others going through even more. As I sat in the waiting room to be called in to have my port needle set up, the paramedics came into the clinic with a stretcher. A few minutes later they wheeled out an elderly woman who was so thin, frail and pale. It felt like my heart stopped....I know that every single patient waiting in that waiting room must have felt the same...that could be me. How lucky am I to be sitting here breathing on my own?
    I think cancer is cancer is cancer...if you've heard the words, "You have cancer" you know the fear, the frustration and anxiety...no matter the course of treatment. It does something to you deep inside and really does change a person's perspective in it's own unique way.
    I had a discussion with my Dr. during this visit about my memory and ensuing fog and he said, "Yep, chemo brain." I might be in a fog sometimes and not remember things but I DO know what's going on. I think that people undergoing chemo have SO much on their minds that sometimes things just get crowded out.
    Anyway.....I'm with you in your thinking that I got off the hook fairly easily.....but then again, I think cancer, is cancer is cancer and I wish NONE of us ever had to go through it at all. EVER.

Michelle who is patiently waiting for her Ambien to kick in. Why can I never get a good night's sleep? ARG.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 May 10 - 10:40 AM

Let's finish with the hints and the prognostications, the territorial posts. We can all see through them, and none of us need to be told that our cancer didn't quite count as much as someone elses, or that we don't quite really know what we're talking about. We do know, better than you think. WYSIWYG, please sit down, take a few deep breaths, and relax. We know you mean well, but you've been a bit over the top lately.

===

I did not hint, and I did not prognosticate. (Did someone really suggest that LF's cancer didn't count?!?!?!? Did someone say peeps here didn't know....????)

I wrote what is True for all cancer patients-- in a thread many of us recognize is (and may be, in the future) a resource for others.

Who is to say that I have not been there myself?

Who is to say for whom I write-- or where it comes from?

Thoughtful people will have read that post someone-- not me-- got territorial about, and seen that it was about: maintaining relaxed, prayerful attention.

BTW, my supervisors agree.

================

Now-- LF-- when is the next yoga class?

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 11:40 AM

Next yoga? There's a drop in class tonight but I am going to an I Can Cope meeting for folks living with cancer...whether it be now or in the past. I think I am one of the few in the room still receiving treatment. They are a good bunch of people and often have guests to speak about various things...nutrition, exercise and tonight it's about acupuncture for pain management and hot flashes....right up my alley! Never say never....although I'd have to talk to my doc about it first.

Beginner yoga class tomorrow and if my body will allow, I'd like to go. Although, I can feel the tell tale signs on pain starting in. Hips are tender, backs of my hands are achy.....so in the meantime, I'm puttering around the house. Ran the vaccuum cleaner, going to sweep and dust the living room next. Pete did the dishes and I cleaned up the counter. My kitchen table is ALMOST visible.....you know....puttering. I slept in late this morning and am tired which I know is going to be part of the deal....so I do a little and take a break...hence my visit here.

On days like this, I wish I had a hot tub with those swirling water jets to chase away the aches before they get ugly.

Anyone ever hear of or take (I did google it so I'm looking for more personal experience than info) hydromorphone?

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 12:15 PM

Warning: PISSED OFF.

About a month ago, a woman came to me...a life coach....and said she and my yoga teacher wanted to offer a class for women with cancer....all focused on easy movement, breathing and all other kinds of positive things. She told me that I was part of the inspiration for this workshop. Ok. Cool. I wanted to go. I signed up. I signed my friend Tracy up (who by the way is having a hell of a time right now). We were both really excited to have the day together focusing on something we have in common that would be helpful. So just now I got this note on Facebook...an oh by the way, kind of note that they are cancelling the class as only 3 people signed up. Now here's my thinking. Three people signed up for a yoga, breathing, positive affirmations workshop in the middle of freakin' nowhere and you are surprised? In an area where you aren't permitted to use the word YOGA in school (breathing exercises is much better *eyeroll*), you expected a giant outpouring of people to show up? So now there are at least 2 of us who are really disappointed to not to be able to have that experience together. Futher this woman running it said, "I'm so sorry you'll miss this." Um. Hello. I did NOT cancel ANYTHING. YOU DID. I emailed her and told her she had better get in contact with Tracy as I am NOT breaking this to her. It's like saying the 3 of us that signed up aren't worth the effort, despite the road to hell we've all been on these last few months.

Some life coach, huh? Screw that.

I think this is the first taste of angry I've had in awhile.

My apologies.....I AM PISSED.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 19 May 10 - 12:52 PM

Well.... there's that bright-red flashing L on your forhead again (Leader), visible from here. :~) Like we see Armenia Mtn windmill lights at night, coming into our road.

Why don't you go ahead with the three people and do a yoga get-together on your own, that will include the pieces you want it to include? (That great teaching cert you worked so hard for?)

There are some nice, quiet spaces up in the Church School; the nursery has a nice carpet if I recall right, and lots of floor space..... if you get a key from Lisa you can look up there whenever the pain subsides, and see if it would suit.... since the Jumpstart class regularly held in the parish house is probably on the wrong floor for your thing?

"Life coach" is just a cert; you still have to discern the person holding it.

:~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 May 10 - 01:13 PM

I don't blame you for being pissed off. Cancelling a class for women with cancer is simply wrong on so many levels. If the class depended on numbers she should have thrown it out as a possibility based on a minimum of X attendees. At least then no one would be disappointed at a time when they can not afford any additional disappointments.

But I am glad that you are PISSED. Once again, I will say that for now it has to be all about you. She is sorry you will miss this? Is she also sorry that you just aren't worth her time or effort?
Rant over.

Fortunately, you have a yoga class.
Any chance of holding a breathing stretching class in your own home? Followed by some healthy chat and a cup of tea? Maybe...

As to the water jets, they used to sell a simple pump that attached to your bathtub and did just that. Some had a mat with jets to sit on as well. I guess it is back to Ebay for a search.

Have to agree with SRS - nothing is true for all cancer patients. Some have chemo and need more. Some have one round of chemo and it is over. Some have surgery and no chemo and never have another problem. My brother is one; Jacqui is another. Michelle is fortunate to have excellent medical care and they will decide what comes next. As her doctor said - I will tell you when it is time to worry.

For now, keep yourself healthy for the next and last treatment and look forward to your babies.

You are always in my thoughts, Michelle.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 19 May 10 - 04:04 PM

Being pissed is a very good sign - it shows that you have, in no way, given in to all of this. I agree with Sins - if you can arrange for the people who did sign up to get together and do some deep breathing, simple yoga, whatever comes to mind. That would be you taking control of both your condition and the outside forces that, as we all know, can tend to make you feel helpless.

I have told Kendall, each time that he has had to go through yet another procedure, that, for a while, it is all about HIM. That does not mean that we aren't aware of other people's problems - sometimes it makes us more acutely aware of what others are going through - but, at a time when doctors and drugs seem to be dictating what one can and cannot do, it is good to know that there may be people out there concentrating solely on your personal needs.

Again, it can give back a certain amount of control, when that seems to have been taken out of your hands. Why, when you are having to deal with myriad symptoms as a result of operations or medication, should you not be spoiled, as it is clear that your lovely husband is doing. That someone else closer to you should choose this time to get snippy and to blame you for it is unbelievable. NOT your problem. Just enjoy the care and attention being given by those who really care about you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 May 10 - 04:16 PM

And be kind to Pete when he finally asks "When is it my turn?" because he has earned it and that question means he knows you are finally OK.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 04:32 PM

I do my best to be kind to Pete all the time as I know just how hard he works and all that he does for me!!!! I am SO lucky to have him in my life and I want him to know I feel that way every single day of his life!!!!!!!!!!!!!


<3 <3 <3

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 May 10 - 05:02 PM

AAAWWWWWW.
That's nice.
M

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 09:32 PM

Bitch break:

My mouth tastes horrible. I haven't been able to eat much at all today. I had cereal for breakfast. Pete took me out to lunch and I had about 3 bites of chili, packed up the rest for home, ordered some rhubarb pie thinking the tart would be good. No flavor whatsoever. Met Mom for dinner. Fruit parfait. Two bites. Ew. Coffee. Ew. Water with lemon...made me sick to my stomach. Cereal at home, better.

Just sat through a LONG (ok...it probably seemed like because I was barfy) support meeting...guest speaker about acupuncture who happened to mention AT THE END that no needles for acupuncture for those going through chemo. Dr. says no massage during chemo. I could have been at home barfing in peace. ARG.

Ok. I'm done bitching and I'm done being an asshole for today.

Tomorrow will be better.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 10 - 10:39 PM

It's not tomorrow yet so let me add that my hands hurt like hell tonight....knees aren't far behind.

Michelle who won't complain tomorrow

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 19 May 10 - 10:47 PM

Hey, girl... As bad as you feel just think how them cancer cells feel... Purdy crappy and ready to bail on you... Ya' gotta remember that chemo ain't about you... It's about them... And tonight??? They are purdy pissed off, too...

Yer gonna come out the other side of this... They ain't... You can take that to the bank!!! And then, once yer taste buds get back up, to yer favorite resturant... On Pete, of course...

Hang in there, baby... One more lap and this shit is history...

b~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: My guru always said
Date: 20 May 10 - 03:23 AM

Sending you positive thoughts from across the pond,
Hil

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 20 May 10 - 03:58 AM

me too

sandra (sitting here with very sore legs, almost a permanent fixture)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 20 May 10 - 06:35 AM

Bitching is good. It gets out what is bothering you and doesn't let it sit and fester in your mind. So, go ahead and bitch, whinge, whatever you need to do dear. We're here and listening and understanding.

That said, I hope that today is a better day for you.

xxxxxxxx

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 20 May 10 - 07:26 AM

Womenz don't bitch... They offer constructive criticism...

B;~)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 May 10 - 07:39 AM

Good Morning!!!

    Look at that sunshine!!!!   It's been missing for awhile in these parts and I'm glad it's found it's way home.

    Bobert.....thanks for the reminder.....I WILL think about what

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 May 10 - 07:42 AM

I will think about what the chemo is doing to those cells, especially today. I've already had a quiet morning conversation with my body about how we are going to handle this pain today. It has started now but there's this calm wrapped around me this morning that I don't know quite how to explain....almost like a heavy quilt on a cold winter morning.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 May 10 - 07:57 AM

Michelle.
I continue to be amazed at how much you endure without bitching. I would be holding a continuous whine fest from Day 1. I don't suffer quietly.
Bitch away.
And listen to Bobert. He knows.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 May 10 - 10:22 AM

LF, yes, bitching here is venting, and bitching elsewhere is not helpful to relationships as I am sure you know. It can be a hard balance to keep! :~)

I think I can tell the venting here from the behavior out there-- which tells me that you are not only doing the best you can, but that you are, from this view, doing really WELL under a really HARD situation. And THAT is the flashing red L I mentioned earlier.

(caps to save time, gotta run all day)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 May 10 - 11:31 AM

What Bobert said, in his last couple of posts. Too bad he isn't nearby, might be able to consult about the California and New Mexico approach to chemo after effects. I hear the medicinal varieties are being used to help with PTSD also. There was a story this week on Morning Edition.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 May 10 - 07:24 PM

Michelle, you are SO on the right track with the yoga. Check out this article: Yoga & Sleep for Cancer Survivors.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 20 May 10 - 08:01 PM

Yeah, Magz....

I tried to get Michelle tio send Pete down to the local high school to cop some weed but then she said she couldn't handle the smoke so then I brought up the brownies but...

Yeah, I wish that every sate has medical marijuana laws in place so that everyone could benefit from the goodness of pot... I mean, one of the chemo drugs, Taxol, comes from a plant (tree, to be exact) so I think it would be only fittin' to use Taxol and Cannibus in conjuntion with one another...

We have some very messed up laws that caasue people to suffer needlessly... Makes me sick to think of people having to indure bad side effects when it is proven that pot helps and helps alot...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 May 10 - 08:50 PM

Taxol? I take Taxol....freakin' beast.

Today went well. I didn't do much but given that it's Day 3 for me, I'm happy with what I did.

I got my shower, drove 30 miles to a church luncheon where they donated $100.00 to my Relay for Life team!!!   I am VERY excited about that!

I got to visit with a tech who also happens to be my friend...she did my ultra sound early on and I KNEW from the look on her face and tone of her voice that something was up way early on but of course, she can't divulge that kind of stuff. She was very happy to see me and I was happy to see her.....gonna do something together this summer....something we've been putting off for way too long.

I drove home, met my husband on the porch and he said, "How ya doin'?"

"Sleep." I said. "I need sleep." I walked right by him, upstairs, got in my night clothes and crashed for a few hours.

When I got up, I sat out on the front porch with Pete and he brought me pots filled with dirt and I planted some herbs. It felt good to poke around in the dirt....I only got 8 planted but that was plenty of activity for me and required breaks for my hands. I planted 2 of each of these: oregano, thyme, rosemary and lavendar. It was incredibly relaxing and we enjoyed ourselves. I now have a cirle of herbs in my front yard.   :)

I did not try the new pain meds.....I think they are for heavy duty, extreme pain....and while I had pain today, I don't think that heavy of a drug was necessary.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 21 May 10 - 08:22 AM

Good morning, sweetie- how are you feeling today?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 May 10 - 10:43 AM

LF, as you probably know, we're headed out of town shortly for a quick hop. But only a cell phone away.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 May 10 - 11:38 AM

An interesting article on Yoga and chemo:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/AlternativeMedicine/yoga-cancer-patients-fatigue-insomnia-treatment/story?id=10704310

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 May 10 - 05:52 PM

Hello My Friends,

    Today started out rough.....lots of nausea and I had to be on the road. Ugh. I travelled to Geisinger (about 2 hours away) with my mom today for her post-surgery check up. Everything with her is WONDERFUL!!!   Part of her surgery involved a scope to make sure her ovaries are ok and they are!!!!! I know I don't have to tell you that I cried tears of relief for her!!!!
    I pushed myself around the hospital in a wheelchair....too much walking for my legs today. And let me just say..I should do that more often...what an awesome workout for my upper arms!!! I'm NOT a great driver of wheelchairs...damn doors and corners!!! ;)
    We stopped at a nursery on the way home and because I so loved last night's potting adventures, I picked up some more herbs...basil and parsley and also 3 larger pots of dark purple salvia...LOVE IT! We stopped for Thai food for lunch and I think I ate about 1/4 of a cup of food and brought the rest home....food just isn't too appetizing today and that's ok. We also stopped at a farmer's market where I got a round loaf of the best oatmeal bread ever, a few bunches of rhubarb (gonna make rhubarb crisp and freeze a bunch) and a 6 inch rhubarb pie. Mmmmmmmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. For today, I am finding that food looks and smells good but a few bites and I'm done....weird, but true. Maybe it will help get off the multiple pounds I gained during the last treatment when I couldn't get enough to eat!!!!
    Bone pain kicked in around 2:00 so I had some more percoset. I'm leery of the new meds...not sure why.....I think I want to know that I have something REALLY powerful if I need it if that makes sense.
    We had bear tracks in the driveway...mama bear and baby bear....very sweet...disappeared into a tangled mess of honeysuckle.
    Also, I just got off the phone with my nana who told me how proud she is of me and how I've been handling things. Compliments like that don't come often in my family and I think I'm still beaming!!! :) She was also telling me how *CUTE* her cardiologist is...LOL....cracks me up!
    I'll stop for now, although if you were here with me, I'd put some coffee or tea on and we could sit on the porch and chat awhile. My mouth is working better than my hands (which are swollen and painful today) so I'm going to stop typing for now.
    Love to you all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 21 May 10 - 07:20 PM

What a lovely day you've had, in spite of the chemo reaction. I am so glad.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 May 10 - 08:45 PM

me too - it's a rainy day here in Sydney & your mention of the Farmers Market reminded me that our wekly (inner city) farmers market is in the local park. I could use some tomatoes & maybe other produce, but don't feel like venturing out. Tho the baker has some yummy lunch-type stuff ...

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 May 10 - 10:48 PM

Pain is different this time. It seems to jump about....mostly in my hands, the backs of my hands, knees, shins and tops of my feet. I'd give it a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10....the only way I can describe it is that it feels like someone has an aluminum bat and is trying to beat their way OUT of my bones from the inside out.

Today is Day 4. This will pass. It will pass. I know it will pass. Oh please pass SOON!!

*whimper*

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 21 May 10 - 10:53 PM

This too shall pass...

Just keep thinking that as bad as you may feel them bad boy cancer cells is fellin' one heck of a lot worse... Gotta just keep thinkin' that way and all this will be over real soon and them bad boys will all be outta you forever...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 May 10 - 03:16 AM

sending another hug

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 22 May 10 - 11:08 AM

(((((((((Michelle)))))))))

I hope you're feeling a bit better today.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 22 May 10 - 11:37 AM

Well, friend, I've been avoiding looking into this since I've been back. During my gone time hubby found he'd contracted lung C-word. We were finally able to get to surgery(when they discovered they'd put it off so long it had tripled in size), which went pretty well, but lasted 3 times as long as they'd expected. Then recovery(9 days in hosp), more recovery--& on to chemo. Monthly for a while. This all involved trips to VA facility at a distance of over 80 miles each way: exams, tests, more exams, more tests, prep work, the surgery, the checkups, then each of the chemos, then more checkups. The good news is: SO FAR IT'S WORKED!!!! C-word still gone! God grant you the same. It's no fun for the ones who love you & accompany you, but it's even less fun for you going through the mess. I tried to avoid thinking about it, but couldn't always. May your outcome be as successful as ours. Tw

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 May 10 - 11:54 AM

wishing you marked relief from pain, Lilbit. This is the home stretch innit?

And what Bobert said about how bad the chemo makes you feel, visualise those cancer cells doing a last gasp before they shrivel up and then evaporate.

Yeah...Take that you evil little bastards!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 May 10 - 03:59 PM

Tammywheeler....EXCELLENT NEWS!

Today is my worst day so far this cycle. Very weak. Tired. Out of breath extremely easy. Pain level high at times. Feeling useless. Cancelled bus trip I was supposed to go on tomorrow to Antietam. There's just no way I can do it. My friend was very understanding.

I have developed a sore throat and cough too. Ugh. My body is just wore out. Will call the Dr. on Monday if it persists.

Probably won't get to church tonight. I am just too tired.
,
Michelle who is in bed with a book, hot lemon tea, Vick's vapor rub and sale papers for the week....probably won't look at any of it.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 May 10 - 04:23 PM

Doing my best to think good things....if I feel this bad, there must be a LOT of cancer cells being stopped in their tracks today.

Pain meds to the rescue. Took 1. Am allowed to take 2 at a time and am seriously considering it.

I just want to howl.

Would be fun and probably more effective if we all could do it together in a big circle......

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 22 May 10 - 08:01 PM

I do NOT know what my deal is. You'd think by this point, I'd have it figured out to just TAKE THE PAIN MEDS AND GO TO BED and then to wake up and TAKE MORE PAIN MEDS. It's amazing how much better I feel after taking the medication and putting myself into time out for a nap.

I just don't want to be hooked on pills I guess or to have the effectiveness of them wear out....but for crying out loud (Note to self)...TAKE THE DAMN PILLS ALREADY.

Tonight I am leaving the Land of the Living and taking the express route to Land of Fog. I will miss you all and if I remember, I'll send you a postcard.

XOXOXO

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 22 May 10 - 08:13 PM

Michelle,

I fully understand you not wanting to get strung out on pain pills but...

...this is a difficult time that you are going thru so, please, take 2 pills and be glad you got 'um... The bad guys that yer killin' off would love to have some of them pills... Tough... They'll just have to deal with it... You??? Not!!! Take the pills, go off to Fogsburg and be happy knowing that yer right on the verge of being crowned...

...Queen of the 10,000 Club!!!

Nighty, nite... don't let the bed bugs bite...

b~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 May 10 - 11:33 PM

Hmmmm...I seem to remember having to tell you to take the Xanax waaaayyyy back. It's okay to use the meds when you are going through such a MAJOR event as you have been. I know you don't want to get strung out on meds, but you won't because you aren't wired that way. As you say, Take the Meds and let it go, already!**bg**

Sleep tight and sweet dreams. See ya on the flip side!

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 May 10 - 01:17 AM

Michelle, the difficulty here is that there is way more information out there about drug abuse than the use about appropriate use for pain control. When you're fighting pain, you're not going to get strung out on those pills. They're doing what they're supposed to do.

My mother had a very painful death, from metastasized breast cancer (into the bones of her spine). The hospital wanted patients to request pain medications when they needed them, my mom and my sister (her advocate) wanted them on a regular schedule, but the hospital wouldn't comply. And when my mom did ask for pain medications, it typically took the nurse over an hour to bring it. By then the pain was so bad, and the medicine, when it acted, knocked her out for a couple of hours. She hated that excruciating pain/sleep/little zone of comfort pattern. Much better to take it as needed, or on a regular schedule. You're lucky you can choose, so choose what makes you feel better.

Mom finally had enough of the health care system and went on strike. She refused all food and medications, and they put in (I think) an IV for fluids and a pump for pain meds only. She died two weeks after her first hospitalization, but she could have lived much longer without pain with prescribed long term pain treatments (targeted radiation to kill nerves in the spine that were responsible for the pain). I place the responsibility for her early death on the miserable health care system--they're so busy trying to operate within the finances as they exist today that they can't treat patients when they need attention. You shouldn't have to negotiate on things like this.


Sorry to introduce this sad story, but the point is that whether you're going through chemo or at the end stage of life, pain control is important and the medications will control the pain. They won't make you high and you won't get hooked, as long as you use them to treat pain.

Take what you need, when you need it. Get the sleep you need, and get past this hump. We're looking forward to the dynamo you become when you're back feeling better again. That Michelle is absolutely stunning!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 May 10 - 01:55 AM

SRS,

   I'm so sorry. :(

    You are very right, I am so lucky to have the relief available and I do need to use it. In fact, I have an overabundance of pain meds as both my doctors tell me that there is no reason I need to be in pain. Before my surgery ever happened, I asked about pain control/pain management and was told that if I was in pain, I needed to let them know and it would be taken care of, period.
    I get cloudy when I hurt so much and don't think straight. As of now, I've had 8 hours of pain management and everything about ME is in a better space...perhaps sleepy and kinda foggy but I can think.
    I have asked Pete to PLEASE remind me to take the meds...there is no reason to waste another day like I did today.
   
   On a completely different note, I wrote to the American Cancer Society to see about being a volunteer driver (of course this is for when I am feeling well and through the predictable week of ick)...taking people to their appointments. They need drivers and it makes me feel good to help someone else.....lets me be useful. Also, I've inquired about a camping drum circle/yoga weekend for after my last treatment....I wrote to them explaining health circumstances and will see what they have to say.....I think the act of beating on something sounds therapeutic and a drum circle just sounds like FUN!!! I am a novice djembe player so it's a chance to learn something or to just get lost dancing to the beat!

   And SRS....thanks for sharing that with me.....you made me think.

Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 23 May 10 - 04:57 AM

Don't forget darling that pain is stress and stress is bad. If you get fuzzy for a time so be it. Just float. If you get addicted (which I doubt) then deal with that problem after you've kicked the cancer.

Get it? Get your priorities straight. Fight for life first. Then for the quality of life.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 May 10 - 05:28 AM

beautifully put, Tam

sandra (who often forgets to take effective pain relief!)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 23 May 10 - 10:25 AM

aahhh but Sandra... codydramol is trading one kind of pain for another. Constipation and bad headache when it wears off. If I can cope with joint pain which is not threatening my life, then I do.

I have been much better these last couple of weeks. Lots of walks. I am chuffed.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 May 10 - 12:20 PM

Michelle, my apologies for sounding smug or bossy in my last posting. I was just trying to illustrate there is a pattern there of you not wanting to take meds and then recognizing it's okay.:-) You do sound SO much better, today.

SRS, thanks for sharing what must be a very painful memory.

One thing I noticed at the hospitals here is they are big on taking care of pain. They have a chart they show patients which helps them to identify the level of pain and they treat it. Like Tam said, though, some of the meds can leave one with other pain, esp. constipation and, in my experience, the hospitals were not good about warning about that and how to combat it.

Have a good day, Michelle.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 May 10 - 12:27 PM

Kat....I didn't think you were bossy at all...nobody was. And I DO need a reminder to take those meds and that it's ok. For the life of me, I don't know why I am so weird about it.

Today is a MUCH better day. I am making out grocery lists, reading, fussing on the net, sipping hot tea and just taking it easy in general.

Before the last treatment, I bought myself a paint by numbers kit...chickadees and purple flowers......kinda cheesy but fun!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 May 10 - 12:51 PM

I posted in the Accountability thread that I had gained 13 pounds during the last chemo cycle and now, 6 days after my 5th treatment, I am down by 7 pounds. Dr. said not to worry about the gain and to just listen to what my body is asking for. I was hungry ALL THE TIME inbetween cycles.

Susan,

   You mentioned something about weight stuff and chemo and what you have seen for two others (probably more too). The thing is, there are SO many kinds of cancer and even more combinations of drugs that it's hard to tell what's going on when comparing individuals. From what I have read, for ovarian, uterine and some breast cancers, weight gain is common. As you know, I've worked very hard to lose quite a chunk of weight. I try NOT to focus on that now as it all depends what my body is able to handle and I'm not going to push when it comes to food (not necessarily pointing to you or anything you said....I'm just sayin...). I've been very happy with maintaining my weight within a 3 pound range since January (lost a huge chunk in December strictly from anxiety). So 13+ pounds concerned me....that's an awful lot for 21 days.
    And yes, my platelets did THANKFULLY go up, by quite a bit. They know that nutrition doesn't help with that (no treatment other than transfusion) BUT my intense hunger could have been a result of my body making those platelets.
    In anycase, I'm glad some of the weight has come back off and even more pleased with the increase of platelets.
    Know what else is happening? I'm finding more and more longer hairs on my head...still virtually invisible if you aren't looking for them...but baby...I look every chance I get!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 May 10 - 01:08 PM

After chemo-driven hair loss, my sister's hair came back swirly curly. Very pretty. When she was a girl she had tendrils of curls on her forehead and later it was wavy, I remember, but evidently she all along was meant to be a curlilocks.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 23 May 10 - 01:08 PM

Two short weeks from now and this will all be over... The chemo and the cancer!!!

Until then, take yer pills, Michelle...

Doc Bobert the Nag

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 May 10 - 01:12 PM

Bobert...
    Thanks for the reminder! I almost can't imagine it and in the same breath am SO excited to think about growing energy and getting my life back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle who hopes to have curls but will be thankful for whatever hair grows back in!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: gnu
Date: 23 May 10 - 03:31 PM

Indeed, soon... ya done good.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 23 May 10 - 05:11 PM

Back after two very busy computer-less days, but have been thinking of you through them all. I had nothing to add to the wisdom of this circle, but lots of love as you slog through the journey.

And yes, wouldn't it be great if we could stand in a circle with our arms over our shoulders and howwwwwwwwwlllllllllll the pain away!

Full moon this week- I may just go out into my woods and do a little howlin' on your behalf!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 23 May 10 - 08:18 PM

I'm not going to push when it comes to food (not necessarily pointing to you or anything you said....I'm just sayin...).

Keerect-- main thing is, you trust the body and do not stop!

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 May 10 - 09:03 PM

Struggling with frustration and my energy levels today. Would be quite happy to pitch a full blown tantrum. This article helped me put things in perspective...more easily read if printed out, but I read it online just fine....just have to scroll a bit. Well worth the time to read it if cancer has touched your life or someone you love.

http://caonline.amcancersoc.org/cgi/reprint/49/3/178.pdf

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 May 10 - 09:39 PM

Planning a photog adventure for next weekend.....something to look forward to and focus on is a good thing!


YAY!!!!!!!!!   I can't wait.....time to charge all the cameras...might even pick up some film too....uh huh...FILM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 24 May 10 - 03:35 AM

Someday, it would be nice, to have a decent night's sleep.....peaceful sleep without the horrific dreams of late.

It is 3:34am. I think I'll get up, have a drink of water, shake off the latest dream and tuck back in with a book.

Arg.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 24 May 10 - 05:47 AM

happy reading

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 May 10 - 08:47 PM

How're you doing today, Michelle? I had a restless night with a book, too. Made for a slow, tired day, but it also confirmed to me how important uninterrupted sleep is! You will get there. Until a couple of weeks ago, I was still having a lot of trouble with that; finally the biofeedback and getting over depression has had an effect and, until last night, I've had some very good sleep nights of at least 3-4 hours at a time, up for a few minutes, then another 2-3 hours. I have not been a good sleeper for years, so if there is hope for me, I know there is for you, too.:-)

You're almost done and then it's going to be so nice...no more constant trips to the chemo, the doc, the lab, etc. Just once in awhile and you can get back into your routine of yoga, gardening, cooking, cleaning, reading, whatever AND counting those curly hairs!

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 25 May 10 - 01:08 PM

Pretty soon she's going to sit up again and realize she feels great. And get a bunch more stuff done in preparation for that last treatment. We're all looking forward to that last countdown!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 May 10 - 04:08 PM

:~)

She is often quicker than that. Sometimes when we don't see a post here-- I assume that it's because she is OUT having FUN.

She is very good at knowing when to do that, and DOING it, BTW. (In that, I am HER student.)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 May 10 - 05:31 PM

Twelve HUNDRED. Neat.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 25 May 10 - 06:42 PM

I found my spark. I found some energy, ok, of course not in full force but I'd say a good 15x more energy than I've had in the last week. I took full advantage of it….here's my Ta-Da list for the day!

Did a load of dishes
Made breakfast including cleaning and cutting up fresh fruit
Made Watergate Salad for later
Two loads of laundry done, third about to be started
Hung clothes on the line
Banking in town
Mission for watermelon plants completed
Picked my my prescriptions
Had a healthy lunch
Planted flowers
Planted more herbs
Weeded the front flower bed
Soaked my toes and used some plum lotion on my feet….feels so nice and smells SO good!
Talked with Nana on the phone
Talked with Ang
Mowed the grass in the front, side and down the driveway…..started the orchard and got a flat
More planting of flowers
Brushed Mags (OMG…..I could make a blanket out of the amount she is shedding)
Swept the porch and the front walk
So…that's it so far. Next on my agenda is a shower. It feels good to be all sweaty and have actual dirt sticking to my body!

   I have more to do and if I get to it fine, if not, I'll do it tomorrow. I feel like I accomplished something today and have earned the right to be tired!!!!!

Michelle…..covered in dirt and sweat and a smile…..yes, this is better…MUCH better!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 25 May 10 - 07:39 PM

Well, gol danged, Michelle... With what you got doen today maybe you oughtta see if the docs will let you re-up for a little occasional chemo after yer cancer is gone...

Whaddayathink???

B;~)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 26 May 10 - 08:53 AM

Just reading that list exhausted me! Well done, Michelle!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 May 10 - 08:47 PM

Hi Guys,

    Guess what happened today? I was asked to write my story for the Georgia Ovarian Cancer Alliance!!!! :)

    Also, I thought it was Thursday and went to what I thought was my beginner yoga class.....oh well! Yoga was good anyway...sometimes, when I got tired, I just flopped on my belly, chin on my arms and windshield wipered my legs. :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 May 10 - 10:35 PM

OMG. The Shoes.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 May 10 - 11:40 PM

"I'll have what she's having."

Tough way to get to this point, but your energy is astonishing, Michelle. That's a good day for "normal" circumstances. It's phenomenal for a chemo week. You've certainly managed to leave behind the time-wasting stuff, that's for sure!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 27 May 10 - 09:05 AM

Yay! Michelle! I woulda posted sooner but my computer kept crashing because of the length of this thread! Out here in the "deep rural" even highspeed is wanky.

Hooray for you!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 May 10 - 09:57 AM

Write that book, Michelle!
Congratulations, girl.
What an amazing group of women in that video. And that little boy is adorable.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: GUEST
Date: 27 May 10 - 10:44 AM

That video has rocked my world...especially the shoes and what it represents.

I am one of 3 people in the county that has ovarian cancer. THREE. One is a 5 year survivor, one has been diaganosed with Stage IV and is kind of out of her mind and then there's me. Sometimes I just feel very alone with all of this.

And seeing all those empty shoes? OMG.

All those women gone. Lost forever. Families left behind.

I just can't wrap my head around it.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 May 10 - 10:46 AM

Focus on the living breathing happy women and the little boy.
M

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 27 May 10 - 04:36 PM

Yes dear... What Mary said. Focus on the positive. Focus on what you can do everyday and remember treatments are advancing at exponential rates. Not so long ago cancer was a death sentence ... end of. That has changed so much.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: gnu
Date: 27 May 10 - 05:19 PM

GUEST... "I am one of 3 people in the county that has ovarian cancer. THREE."

I don't understand. There are only three? What country?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 27 May 10 - 08:24 PM

Gnu,

   COUNTY....not country!!!

I'm having a really bad day....that imagine just cut through me. I watched it several more times looking at the happy faces, the girls skipping, my new friend Doug who is the CEO and has asked me to write for them.....

   Got some potentially disturbing news about the adoption that may set us back AGAIN.

    Tracy called and told me that at her last chemo treatment (as in her final treatment), someone in the chair beside her died.

I've cried until my face and throat hurts...everything is swollen, my belly hurts from coughing.

I finally remembered I have Xanax and took some.

I need a break. I want to run away. Far, far away.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 27 May 10 - 08:59 PM

Yeah, Michelle, I fully understand that... You know, the running away part... That's normal... Like who wouldn't???

Sorry, but think of it this way... This is a marathon... Some folks have fallen by the wayside... It's sad but that is reality... You, however, have shown bursts of inner stength and you are now in sight of the finish line... You can actually see it and on the other side the rest of your cancer-free life... Hey, I'm sorry that some folks don't get to cross the finish line... My wife, Judy, didn't... But we knew early that she wasn't going to make to that finish line... Your situation is so much different... I mean, Stage 1, even possibly 2, puts you in such a good position to become the Queen of the 10,000 Club...

So, just look forward a little... Yes, that is ther finsih line you see... Just bundle up all yer Faith and cross it... Hey, you've come so far... You have done so well... You're heading for the rest of your cancer-free life... It right there in front of you... I know this...

Last lap, baby... Last lap...

b~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 May 10 - 12:40 AM

Ok. Here's the deal.

I am going to take a day or two to regroup.

I can't stand myself in my own head.

I'm sure it all looks like a whinefest from where you sit.

I never was good at finishing things when I got tired.....and I am tired...,,and maybe that's what scares me most. I have no idea.

I'm taking all of your strength and good thoughts with me.
Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Little Robyn
Date: 28 May 10 - 12:51 AM

NZ is a long way away - come over here.
(((((((((((((((((((Michelle)))))))))))))))
Robyn
who's doing OK today

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 28 May 10 - 01:41 AM

hugs from me, too while you have your time out

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 May 10 - 11:36 AM

LF, I am sure you know exactly what you need to do right now, and will do/are doing it. Our prayers go with you in it. Scooter is back in the van BTW-- pls let me know if you need it.

~S&H, The CS's

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 May 10 - 12:02 PM

This is not a whinefest.
Go back to the beginning and remember the stages of mourning. Remember too that different people handle them in different order. Fear is real. Take your time to deal with it.
As to the adoption: it will happen in its own time. Do not give up. Sometimes, during the time I adopted my son, I felt that they were throwing obstacles in my way to test my resolve to adopt. Look at delays that way and prove yourself the only possible mother for your son.

But for now, crawl into a hole and cope on your own time and in your own way. We will hold down the fort until you return.

Crying is good too, Michelle, sometimes.
If I had a magic wand, I would make it all go away.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 May 10 - 12:55 PM

Bobert, you're so good for this thread. Michelle, he has it right. You're going to cross that line and move forward from there, and the sadness along the way is an unfortunate part of the race. Don't let the adoption slow you down emotionally right now (I know, hard to do.) Take care of yourself.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 28 May 10 - 06:11 PM

♡♥♬♫☼HUGS!!!!!☼✩❤♡♬♫

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 May 10 - 03:52 PM

LF, we're recording tonight. Have CD from last week and can send CD of tonight. Pls advise,

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: gnu
Date: 29 May 10 - 03:58 PM

"The Last Lap". What a title for the second last "chapter".

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 29 May 10 - 08:55 PM

Well, thanks, Magz... They say it takes a village and we are just that: a village... And when one of our folks is down we just pull and pull... That's what this joint is all about... I firmly believe that all the positive energy and prayers that have come out as a result of this thread are going to help carry Michelle over the finish line... And her being willing to share her experiences and fears and angers and, and...

Hey, this is the "last lap" and it's been a marathon for all of us... But we've all been in it for the long haul...

Think this is a good time for a good dose of prayers and positive energy for Michelle 'cause there's no reason not to crush any remaining cancer cells into the dirt in her "victory lap"...

b~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 May 10 - 09:43 PM

{{{{{{Bobert}}}}}}}

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 May 10 - 05:05 AM

Tracy called and told me that at her last chemo treatment (as in her final treatment), someone in the chair beside her died.

I just don't know what to say to this. How awful to be sitting next to someone, possibly sharing fear and hope while you take this treatment and to have that someone slip away.

My thoughts go out to Tracy now as well as you Michelle. I don't have words of comfort just now but the wish to comfort you is still here.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 May 10 - 10:05 AM

*Big breath*

Thanks for still hanging out here with me and knowing that I just needed a minute to regroup. What can I say? The empty shoes? The person dying right there in the chemo chair? It scares me right down to my toes.....and it breaks my heart into a million different pieces.

Onward.

I walked to and from church last night...about a mile in total. It was slow going, not painful, but really tiring. I used to zip through it....I don't care. I WALKED. I told Pete that I walked last night and he said, "What? Are you crazy?" I need to move and build my body and muscles back up. Tracy and I have been talking about that. She had 12 cycles of chemo (very different from mine...she had hers more frequently and had to wear hers home for a few days after too). Anyway, she has also gotten very weak.....much moreso than me. She is using a walker now and has physical therapy. I'm not at that point and don't think I will be but still we both need to work to rebuild muscles that have weakened due to lack of use. So...YES, I WALKED and I did it alone and whatever! I was FINE! My legs are a little sore this morning but so what?!?!? :)
    Today is a beautiful day. I woke up on my own at a reasonable hour, Pete is home, the sky is blue and there's NO WHERE I must be today! Pete made weekend coffee (orange coffee this weekend...my favorite) so we sat out on the porch in our jammies first thing!!! I love our porch!!!! I got some laundry going, more time chatting on the porch, came in to check our email and now I'm headed outside to do some potting. Today I have maybe 7 basil plants and 2 large parsley plants to pot. I also have a flat of violas that I'm not sure where I'm going with. Then there are pepper plants and the remaining tomatoes that are destined for container gardening (the romas are all in the garden). Later this afternoon we are either going kayaking or to the movies......its an absolutely perfect day and I'm a very happy bean.
    Just a note for those of you who worry about my stupidity of doing things alone....I am NOT going kayaking alone. I do have a boat that I can lift myself but it's not my favorite kayak...I'm taking the monster (60 pounds, 12 feet long) and Pete will do all the loading and unloading. He's taking his yak too and he'll fish while I poke around the edges...where all the cool swamplife lives!!!. If I get tired, he'll have a tow rope and can drag me back to shore if need be. I don't see that happening but then again, I haven't been kayaking yet this year so I don't know how my body will handle it. I am REALLY looking forward to kayaking...you have no idea! My waterproof digital camera is charging and I'm planning on doing some turtle hunting....they love to sun on submerged tree branches that are poking out.
    Anyway, time to go put some on some sunscreen and grab my garden gloves.
   Also.....I'm trying to come up with an idea for some way to celebrate my last treatment and am coming up blank. I don't have a clue.....any thoughts?
   Oh AND.....that video of the walk for the GA Ovarian Cancer Alliance? I AM WALKING IN THAT THIS YEAR!!!! I've contacted the CEO (actually, he's the one who put up my montage and has asked me to blog for them) and he's looking into complimentary housing as well as a complimentary scooter for my mom (if she comes with me) as she would have trouble walking that far. I think I can walk it....especially since this will happen in September....I might be slow but I think I can do it! YAY.
    I'm off to play in the dirt.

Love to all.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 May 10 - 11:38 AM

complimentary scooter We discovered not long ago that where scooters are sold, they are also often rented.

celebrate... How would you LIKE to celebrate? Please also keep in mind that your church family would like to celebrate with you (AKA see Cn CS to think about how)....

How many celebrations would you like? I mean, in addition to your personal/family celebration, won't each grouping you run into after that chemo give another occasion to celebrate with that group?

(The CA has been public, the chemo has been public, so why not celebrate in similar fashion?)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 May 10 - 01:02 PM

Rented scooters.....yes, I had emailed the CEO about reasonable (as I am not working) hotel recommendations and a place that might rent scooters. He emailed me back saying he is working on some free accomodations and also free scooter usage. He said to hang on a month or so before I make any reservations for the room or scooter as he's pretty sure I won't have to pay for this. How cool is that?

And celebrating? I have no idea what to do..... The hospital is having a celebration on the 12th of either June or September...(I can't remember...will have to look it up) for National Cancer Survivor's Day. It's for people like me and their caregivers. Well...honestly, I could invite LOTS of people for that but since they limited the number to 2, I am taking Mom and Pete...that's a no brainer. I had 2 chemo nurses ask if I was going to go and I told them OH YEAH!!! They grinned from ear to ear and that made me feel good.

Someone told me that I should do something I've always wanted to do and after thinking about it, I'm not entirely sure what that might be. I've always wanted to do photography so maybe I need to look into that MORE and get MORE active with that on a daily basis....but as far as a once in a lifetime what do I want to do kind of thing? I have no idea. I want to be a mommy but that is in the works too. :) The other thing that comes to mind is Veronica. Her baby is due in September and as of now, no one is going to the appointments with her and she has no one to be with her during labor or the birth. I would give anything to be there with her. She is coming to visit next month and that is going to be a conversation we have. Of course I am prepared for her to say no...that's a really personal thing but I hate the idea of her going through this alone and nothing would make me happier than to be there to hold her hand through it all.

Susan, what do you mean about celebrating it at church? How would that happen? I'm just not sure what you mean.

One thing too, and maybe this sounds really dumb, but I want to celebrate that my chemo treatments are over....I'm afraid to celebrate anything resembling that the cancer is gone because it will be just about that time that it comes back. Superstitious? Maybe but there's not a chance that I'm going to push my luck about that. NONE.

Some people talk about going to far away places that they've always dreamed of and really, I don't have any aspirations of that kind...so I'd have to think some more on what it is I've always wanted to do.....strange to not know that already isn't it? I suppose it's because I'm pretty content with my life and would be wildly ecstatic to have it return to normal and be healthy.

No kayaking for today...it's beautiful but breezy and my head is cold just standing in the yard....it's always cooler out on the water...so maybe tomorrow. Instead, we are going to get some more pots for container gardening, a portable fire pit to enjoy in the evenings, a movie and then some fresh scallops to bring home for dinner with corn on the cob!   :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 May 10 - 02:01 PM

Susan, what do you mean about celebrating it at church? How would that happen? I'm just not sure what you mean.

One thing too, and maybe this sounds really dumb, but I want to celebrate that my chemo treatments are over...

Specifically, the end of treatments could be blessed during a Sat. Svc (or privately afterwards in the chapel like we prayed for Bonnie-- a frequent post-service event as needed.) Also people have brought snacky stuff for an impromptu celebration in either the kicthen, the hallway, out on the rear lawn, or the Commons Room. Hardi can elucidate/plan/dial up or dial down according to your wishes.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 May 10 - 07:53 AM

Good Morning!

   I thought you might like to see the most recent update of my montage, so here's a little linky link: Updated Montage as of May 30, 2010

Last Chemo: One week from today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 31 May 10 - 09:18 AM

Nice video...

Plus, hang on to that pink wig, Michelle... Maybe you'll make a Getaway one day and it would be perfect if you wanted to ***audition*** (wink, wink) to be a Floozie in BobertsBluesBand...
lol... Actually, you'd be the envy of the Floozies...

Oh, nice music, too...

Who sang that last song???

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 May 10 - 11:36 AM

Bobert,

   The song is called True Green by Annie Rapid.

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 31 May 10 - 01:24 PM

How wonderful to see reports of good, fun stuff you are doing. Probably true if you keep at it you may build up your stamina. Hope so. Keep enjoying life. I don't have a porch. Sit & chat & enjoy it a few extra minutes for me, please. Tw

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: katlaughing
Date: 31 May 10 - 01:25 PM

I think going to the Getaway would be a grand way to really celebrate, though it isn't immediate enough for the last of the chemo celebration. How about getting a ride in a hit air balloon? Or, visiting the largest interesting city near you, taking in a theatre show, have a swanky dinner, etc.? These are just random ideas, I am tossing out. Organising a local walk for survivors? Have a celebration in a park and get the media to get the word out to others going through the same thing. Start a mentoring program for survivors like yourself to "buddy-up" with those who are just starting that journey. Probably already some of these things in place, huh?

I read an article awhile back about how one of the world's largest supplier of stock photos has a contract with flikr to constantly search their photos for likely ones they could sell. They contact each photographer and pay for the use of the photos chosen; they don't care if one is an amateur or pro. One woman is now a steady supplier; said she sometimes makes enough to pay her monthly mortgage, sometimes just enough for a nice dinner out, but still a constant and wow, what a way to get your photos noticed. You could even build a show, etc. with that kind of credential, imo. I've sold several photos to media. IT can be really fun.

Good luck with whatever you decided to do.

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 Jun 10 - 05:27 PM

Today I picked up some fun stuff. A ridiculous foam nurse's hat, thick white framed sunglasses, two flower leis (lays?)...one in teal for ovarian cancer and the other purple for cancer in general. I also found this neat gizmo for blowing up balloons...looks like a very large syringe....uh huh...I'm gonna have me some fun with the nurses!!!

Just about have everything ready here to go for Round #6...laundry is (almost) done, things are picked up, there's food in the house...etc. You get the idea. Also, this time we are picking up my chemo gal pal for the ride down and an overnight (she gets her own room as I learned 3 is just too much for me to take during treatment)....but we're planning a pizza and games for the night. I told her I wanted to do something to celebrate but couldn't come up with anything. She said she feels the same way and that for now, just getting through it and the 2 weeks after is plenty to think about. I agree. We are both exhausted but looking forward to seeing each other on Sunday!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 04 Jun 10 - 06:24 PM

"You've come a long way, baby" and so me thinks a pizza party sound like a nice way to celebrate yer victory lap...

Ol' hillbilly cheering ya on... I 'm playing at the Greater Washington Folk Festival in DC on Sunday and I'll sho nuff dedicate a song to ya'...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Jun 10 - 06:38 PM

Isn't it nice to be able to spend the time contemplating your cancer survivor victory lap around some town or place or event? Even if you're at a loss for ideas right now, something will come to you!

Keep your chin up for this last round!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 Jun 10 - 08:08 PM

SRS...there is a nice walk along the river...maybe that's something I should do!

And Bobert.....wish I could be there....you'll let me know what song you pick, won't you?

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 05 Jun 10 - 09:11 AM

Beautiful montage my dear- what a great project.

Let us know how you choose to celebrate!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Jun 10 - 09:25 AM

Well, Michelle, you ain't gonna know this song so ya' might have to Google up R.L. Burnside and "Miss Maybelle" 'cause that's the song I'm gonna dedicate to you...

"Oh, Miss Maybelle, let me be your hoppin' frog
Don't wnat to drink no muddy water
Don't wnat to sleep in no hollow log
Oh, Miss Maybelle, let me be your hoppin' frog...

Sorry to put that "hoppin' frog" in yer head... Seems that every time I do that song someone comes up to me and says they can't get "hoppin' frog" outta their head... Hey, could be worse... See my "Can Turkeys Mate with Frogs" thread... lol...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 05 Jun 10 - 10:06 AM

I found it!!!

It's a fun song!!!!! YAY!

Miss Maybelle

Wish I could be there in person!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 05 Jun 10 - 10:19 AM

Allison,

    I think that idea will be a long time coming but in the meantime we (my chemo partner, Mom and I) are going to order in a pizza and play games all night in front of the fire. Just relaxing, laughter and an evening of good company...really, what more can a body ask for? I'm looking forward to this).

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 06:55 AM

relaxing, laughter and an evening of good company - sounds perfect

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 09:40 AM

Packing to go....6 more hours and we'll be on the road.

*humming On the Road Again....*

Also, 24 hours from now, my port will accessed, all tubing hooked up and I will know the results of the lab work.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre - Only one more chemo to go!!
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 12:58 PM

I hope the next two weeks fly by for you. Then celebrate however and where ever you choose. You have earned it.
Love to you and yours,
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre -On The Road Again-last chemo coming up
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 05:38 PM

Hunker down for the hard part, and sail through on the other side a winner! Keep your chin up!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre -On The Road Again-last chemo coming up
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jun 10 - 05:55 PM

Keep up the good work, darlin.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre -On The Road Again-last chemo coming up
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 05:07 AM

Still here with you, Dollbaby, cheering you on over that last hurdle!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre -On The Road Again-last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 07:13 AM

Well my many dear friends,

   TODAY is THE DAY!!!!!!! I am up, showered, dressed, glucose count done (over 500....steroids...ugh), insulin taken, morning meds and pre-chemo steriods sitting beside me ready to be taken. Mission to Dunken Doughnut complete with 100 munchkins for my many nurses, lab techs, administrative people, etc. Fresh eggs and chives for the Dr. and his nurse. Silly gear for later in the day to make every one laugh...will post photos later.

    Please think positive thoughts for great hemoglobin, white blood cell and platelet counts. Most importantly, a low CA-125 count.

*Big Breath*

Father Cootiesniffer told me at the beginning of all this, before my surgery even, that "DAMN IT. I CAN do this." I am carrying that thought with me as well as several of yours. God willing, this should be the end of the chemo treatments.

Please. Please. Please.

Love to you all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre -On The Road Again-last chemo coming up
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 07:52 AM

It's a little like having a root canal done, Michelle. You dread it. You have to go through with it. And while you are in the chair you are focussing on tomorrow's breakfast when it will be over.

It's almost over.

Hang in there girl.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre -On The Road Again-last chemo coming up
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 08:14 AM

Last lap!!! Yeah, it has been gruelin' but you made it, Michelle...

Good job, girl!!!

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre -On The Road Again-last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 10:32 AM

No treatment today.

My platelets are too low and they are sending me home.

They will try again next week.

It does not mean the cancer spread. It means that my body is worn out.

:(

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 11:15 AM

Eat a bunch of spinich fresh from the garden, Michelle... Lotta good stuff in their to restore whatever needs restoring... Beet tops good, too... Greens, greens, greens...

Yeah, I know this is a bummer... Think of it this way... It's like a caution flag toward the end of a race... Yer still in 1st place and soon as they drop the green flag it's one lousy lap to the checkered flag...

(Womenz don't understand all that techincal racin' stuff, Boberdz...)

Yes, they do... Especially Pennsylvania womenz where race tracks outnumber libraries... Jus' funnin'...

Everything is going to be just fine, Michelle... I promise... Now go pick some greens...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 01:15 PM

I am amazed you haven't had to postpone any previous treatments. The chemo is working and it is screwing up your body. Rest. Recover. Go back when you are ready.
Did you get to play with your toys?
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 02:07 PM

ok.. so they set the hurdle a little farther along the track... just means you get some more time to build up to that last leap.


big hug... coming your way.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 02:19 PM

Damn it, Fr. CS is right! :~)

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: jacqui.c
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 03:22 PM

Ah well, we're still here and pulling for you. This just gives you an extra week to decide on that special celebration, doesn't it!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 04:47 PM

I am just so....so....

>:( and :(

I asked if they were going to send me home today or go head and try the treatment....platelets at 77. The Dr. said, "The idea is to CURE you....you know that right? Cure you....NOT kill you." Good to know.

*Big sigh*

Mihelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: jacqui.c
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 04:59 PM

((((((((Michelle))))))))

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 05:37 PM

About the greens....yep. My hemoglobin was on the very low side, just about not acceptable. So I'm pumping up the iron and protein. I can DO something about the hemoglobin with my diet but not the platelets. The Dr. said that it's just that the carboplatin has built up so much in my body that inside my bones, the bone marrow is struggling to keep up. It dropped 130 points in 3 weeks. Maybe this is why my legs are still bothering me...especially in the larger bones and joints. Maybe why I'm so emotional too. I had a feeling today wasn't the end of the story.

Of course I'm disappointed but as long as the cancer is not spreading and my CA-125 levels are good, I need to just find my way around this. I told the Dr. I cry all the time and he said, well yeah.....there's a lot going on and to not worry about the crying. So I get it that it's ok to cry but I'm sure it gets old for everyone around me.

So I had this horrific headache about 3 seconds after he said I would have to come home. I asked if I could take Advil. He said to stay away from all headache meds...while they won't make my platelets drop anymore, they will stall or slow the growth down. He told me to take my Percoset for the headache. Headache disappeared VERY fast. I'm exhausted......tired from being disappointed, all the tears, the road trip and the drugs....to be expected, I'm sure.

Also, my blood sugar levels have been over 500 all day up until now. I just checked it and it's down to about 380. That alone will wipe a body out. Took some more insulin, emailed my honey and told him that it's going to be a soup night or fend for himself as I just don't have it in me to cook tonight.

I did play with the nurse who accessed my port but decided to wait until I had my lab results to play with everyone else. Good thing I waited. I'd rather play with them when I can smile too. I did take them all goodies though and got my share of hugs. OH and they had some PHENOMINAL art work up done by various cancer patients and their caregivers....some that made me cry (of course I cried) and others that made my heart smile....several of bald women..some dancing that I loved. I took photos of them and will post them soon. Wish I could have a copy of some of them....no artists name given which I think is too bad. Art is all about what touches YOU and theirs certainly did. I picked up information to enter for next years.....not sure if they accept photos...if not, why not try my hand at painting or drawing.....it might just do me some good even if it's not fit for anyone to see.

Thank you for the hugs, love and words of encouragement. I really need them today.

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 06:45 PM

So I get it that it's ok to cry but I'm sure it gets old for everyone around me.

If nothing else, this cancer is going to teach you the difference between useful crying and not-useful crying. Guess which kind you have been doing? (How else do you think you are getting through it all?)

And BTW no one I know of around here finds that your crying "gets old." :~) Maybe there was someone in your life once upon a time who acted that way..... not too many, tho, nowadays, I bet.... if you look around when you do it. See any smiles? That is people approving it, being delighted with you in it, and/or being glad for you growing IN the tears.

Damn it, you can do this. :~) Somebuddy I know said that once. :~) DAYum, mayum!

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 07:02 PM

Bear in mind I'm exhausted and do not mean this to come across as being bitchy.

My body can't do this...at least for now. It's rebelling. It's screaming that it's tired and can't keep up with basic bodily functions. :O

And the crying...........I know it's hard on the people I see every day. I cry at everythig. EVERYTHING. Good. Bad. Stupid commercials. People I don't know. I am a wreck and just can't help it. Is it good for me? Probably or I'd explode. I cried yesterday because I didn't look at something Pete wanted to share with me before I left and because I didn't kiss the dogs goodbye. I forgot. :( I forgot to give my babies a kiss. Made me feel like total shit.

Hopefully this week will give my bones some time to regenerate the platelets I need. If they continue to fall, there will be a transfusion in my future. Creeps me out but that is the only thing that can be done. At least they can do it through my port and no IVs needed.

That's another thing. I asked about how long do I have to wait to get my port out and was told that it needed to stay in for awhile after chemo. That suits me just fine as I was thinking that I'd like to just have a break from all the medical stuff....set a date a few months down the road and just let my body rest before they cut me back open for more healing. Only thing is, they have to access the port every 30 days to flush it out with saline....not really a big deal.

Anyway. Ramble. Ramble. Ramble. I'm trying to stay awake to see Pete when he gets home.

Ask Father Cootiesniffer what to do when the spirit is willing but the body just can't keep up....it doesn't matter what my determination level is. My body essential is give me the finger.   How does a body in that shape keep ones spirits up?

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 07:14 PM

Kinda interesting how this really highlights how the ME and the BODY are two separate things....very separate. I can listen to my body when it needs something but how come it can't listen to ME when *I* need it to do something?!?!?!?

Stubborn ass.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 07:39 PM

nuffin' wrong with your kind of crying. Your body is being hit with very heavy chemicals - both poisons & good healing chemicals - & as you said it needs a rest.

I do far too much crying at most inappropriate times - usually when reading books, including novels! There are some books I can't take out to read on the train or bus 'cos I know my eyes will fill up. Ok when it's some sad piece of history or news item, but not so good when "all" I'm reading is a novel, & they're usually light pieces of fluff, about murder in a Stately House, or in the mean streets, not Nobel prize winning books.

sending more love & hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 08:14 PM

Okay, here's the real deal... One week from today yer platlets will be fine and one week from today you'll take that last step to the rest of your life which, BTW, will be cancer free and long and fulfilling... Until then, if you wanta cry then cry... If you want chocolate ice cream then send hubby out for it... If you want to just set up a stoll in yer veggie garden and pull weeds, do it... Hey, this is yer special times, Michelle so might as well make the best of it 'cause...

...when this all over, I mean "all" over, it's back to work and gettin' on with the rest of yer life...

In other words??? This too shall pass...

Meanwhile, prayers of peace to get you thru this last lap...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 08:25 PM

I get weepy all the time, Michelle. Always keep a tissue handy to wipe away the mascara smears.

I thought of you last week. One of my weepy moments. The company CEO told me about a woman who was able to take advantage of free care at Mass General through our health insurance. It saved my thyroid and my voice about two years ago.

She was told that her breast biopsy was positive and the tumor possibly her whole breast had to be removed. She got the news from her family doctor. In shock, she asked "Am I going to die?" She wanted to hear some encouraging news.
Her doctor, a woman, responded that she would probably die of it.
Can you imagine anyone being so incredibly unkind? A young woman with small children being told that she was going to die of beast cancer...when even I know that the recovery rates for early diagnosis are excellent.

At this point in the story I started wiping the mascara.
Fortunately, Patient Advocates offered her a free second opinion in Boston and free surgery if she chose to use the Boston facilities. They confirmed the cancer diagnosis and explained that they are experts on this surgery - the team did only mastectomies. They also assured her that her cancer was treatable and she would survive. A little over two years later she is fully recovered and besides regular check-ups lives a normal healthy life.

LOL Her doctor like mine was very put out that she decided on a second opinion and surgery out of state.

Skilled physicians with compassion can make miracles. You have them. Keep trusting. Come December this will all be over and you can focus on Baby Obediah or is it Cletus?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 08:33 PM

Ask Father Cootiesniffer what to do when the spirit is willing but the body just can't keep up.... it doesn't matter what my determination level is. My body essential is give me the finger.   How does a body in that shape keep ones spirits up?

What he would tell you is:

... that your body, your mind, and your spirit are all one... even tho they do not always FEEL like one, and

... that "can do this" is not about physical ability in any one given moment but about the longer view, and

... that in the end you can do this, and you ARE doing this, and you will continue to [be able to] do this.


He would (will) tell you that the down times are PART of doing it, not evidence that you cannot do it. (It's HOW "we" all "do it.") The Grace of God helps us endure it, whether we ask or not, but sometimes more noticeably so when we direct our attention there.

As in, "it's a good day because...."

Dammit, you can do this! :~) And you have CS's cell number. He will not be surprised (or too busy) if you call whenever you need to.

~Susan
CC: CS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 08:34 AM

Everyone is telling you such lovely, encouraging things, dear one. Believe them- it's all true! I don't have any words of wisdom at the moment, so I'll just offer a hug and a shoulder should the tears keep coming (I know all about tears- I'm another one with the over-functioning ducts!).

A very wise woman I know and love once told the New England Convocation (where she was a keynote speaker) that she would probably cry as she told her story, but not to worry, she knew tears were a blessing. Amen!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 10:09 AM

((((((((((((((((Hugs to you Allison)))))))))))))))

I still don't have an appointment for next week as my Dr. is on vacation and there are a few snags that should be worked out by tomorrow morning. We are shooting for next Monday if at all possible.

I called about my CA-125 results as this test really is the MOST important test that indicates any sign on tumor growth. A normal reading is 35 or below. During my last cycle, mine was 17.9. Today they tell me it's 18.1. Normal fluctuation from the test itself and they said it looks very good and not to worry. HOORAY!

It's chilly here this morning so I am puttering around to stay warm and wearing one of my many beautiful handmade caps, waiting for the sun to warm up the house.

*big breath*

Enjoy your day!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 10:54 AM

very good results.

and you enjoy your day!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: SINSULL
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 09:39 AM

An online pker buddy was just diagnosed with breast cancer. I suggested she drop by and read your thread Lily for some comfort and some inspiration.
Mary

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 12:30 PM

Much love, strength, courage and support of those she loves to your friend!!!!! Support is absolutely imperative!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I knew how to express how much having this place to come to and collect good thoughts, prayers and love means to me.....and that I can access it 24/7.


Had myself a nice panic attack today. Called the clinic and was sure they were going to want me to come to the ER because I was feeling very short of breath.   Nope. Xanax and call a friend.

Pumping up the protein today in hopes of raising my hemoglobin, getting more oxygen in my blood.....pasta with more protein than chicken with milk, cheese and very lean beef added in.

Trying to relax myself and breathe....reminding myself that it's ok. I'm ok. I can do this. It's not an emergency. I just need to slow down and breathe.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 01:36 PM

The great thing about panic attacks (a great thing about panic attacks?!?!?!?!)--

is that they can only run so long before the physiologic systems auto-stop it. All the stuff we can do to calm them DOES help-- not saying don't do them-- and DOES shorten them.

But even if we forget, they do wind down to a slow stop.

Had you discussed EPO with them?

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 01:45 PM

Michelle, do they have you taking any folic acid, specifically? It really brought my hemoglobin up last summer when I was having so much trouble with anemia...much better than adding iron which can be so tough on the system. I take one tab every morning just to be on the safe side since I am on coumadin.

Deep breaths, talk with us and 3D friends, pamper yourself and know we hold you in our hearts and thoughts.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 01:54 PM

Hey Kat,

I do not take folic acid specifically but I do take Vitron C which is an iron supplement with vitamin C for absorbtion...only iron I've ever had that doesn't make me sick to my stomache...been taking it since January.

Susan,

What is EPO?

I don't know if I had a panic attack or not...still feeling kinda short of breath...like I can't get quite enough air. Not an emergency but not enough either. Sleepy from Xanax. Dr. says my lungs sound clear so I wonder if the oxygen in my blood is low from the low hemoglobin.

I have no idea. I know it's not comfortable and kinda scarey.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 09:56 AM

It wouldn't surprise me if one's body has its own little motor that is separate from the brain with which we are familiar. That little motor in your body is probably wondering what in the world is going on, it must feel like it's spinning its wheels in empty air. Or perhaps it is aware of the cancer that had invaded it and is grateful beyond senses that you pushed back. The process, however, may have cut loose its moorings for the moment while it tries to find just the right way to help.

Jus' sayin'. :)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 10:37 AM

I have a terrible time with iron supplements and was told to quit taking them. My friend with many years as a medical professional, told me to start on folic acid tabs asap last summer when I was so anemic. She told me it would bring up my hemoglobin lots faster and safer than iron. It did. You might want to ask your docs about it. It is an over-the-counter vitamin supplement and in my experience, did a much, much better job than iron tabs and I was to the point where they were threatening me with a transfusion.

Also, have they checked your pulse oxygen? That's the little thing they put on the end of your finger with a digital gauge which will tell them how much oxygen you have in your blood. From what I remember, there is something about low blood oxygen and red blood cells which may contribute to breathless feelings. It's something easy to check and treatable.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 11:41 AM

EPO is something they give to some patients: http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=7032

It is abused in sports but used in some cancer cases.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 11:43 AM

AKA Procrit-- you might have seen TV ads.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 05:54 PM

Last night was bad. I feel like I can't get enough air. Pete asked me to explain and I couldn't find the words....very frustrating for us both. I ended up sleeping in my chair...laying down is uncomfortable to breathe.

I did go to my local Dr. today. She said my lungs sound fine. They did a pulse oxygen and it was 99 which is great. So. What's the problem? She thinks I am anxious. I DON'T FEEL ANXIOUS. I AM BEGINNING TO FEEL VERY PISSED OFF BECAUSE EVERYONE SAYS I'm ANXIOUS. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I feel like someone is stepping on my air hose. She said to take more Xanax. ARG! That makes me feel NOTHING and SLEEPY. )(*^&%#! %$#&^%(&^ I AM FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!

About the folic acid, I will ask on Tuesday when I see my oncologist. My hemoglobin is just under the wire for acceptable so I'm eating lots of protein. My friend Tracy gave me a protein drink today....100 calories, no sugar and 25 grams of protein in less than a cup of juice looking stuff. I have to try it.

EPO and Prokrit looks to be for hemoglobin issues too. They didn't really address the hemoglobin stuff, just said it's a bit low and can be helped with nutrition. They did bring up Neulasta but that's for helping white blood cells in the bone marrow and thankfully, those are at a normal level.

No nutrition or medication will help with platelets. My body will either step up and make some new platelets on it's own or I will have to have a transfusion. It's my understanding that my body will make more, I just have to give it the time (hence the week off from my chemo treatment).

So...today I went to see Tracy (needed to see her in the worst way), went to the doctor, had some lunch, walked around looking at maybe 6 pieces of real estate with my mom and sat down immediately in each house we went in. I am exhausted. I am not getting enough air. My body feels HEAVY. And I got a good look at myself sitting on a couch today....there was a mirror directly across from me....it still freaks me out to see myself...I don't look like ME at ALL. So. Now I'm home. I'm calling it a day. Tracy says sometimes you just have to be the cancer patient. Today, starting right now, I am. I'm tired and am giving in to it. Give me my drugs and let me rest. Keep me company and let me rest.
    I never, ever knew I could be this tired. Maybe I'm just too tired to take full breaths and that's my issue. I have no idea. I DO know that I do NOT feel anxious....I don't care WHAT they say.

PS. It's beautiful outside....sky is blue, temperature in the low 70s......and despite being so tired, I DID go out and enjoy the day....took multiple breaks but I DID ENJOY THE DAY!!!!!

Michelle

PSS. The heck with all this protein, what I really want is a doughnut. I rarely eat them but it is what I am craving.....good thing there aren't any in the house, I'd probably eat them all.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 06:13 PM

Rest as easy as possible, Michelle, this will pass and it will be better before too long. Just one last idea which may help. Passed on from my biofeedback sessions: take some very rapid, short, shallow breaths, through your nose, then try to take a deeper breath. It may help. I know you want to stay as active as possible, but it sounds to me as though your body just wants you to stop so all of its energy can be concentrated in building the good stuff and obliterating the yucky stuff. Sorry if this is being repetitive, but the message seems pretty loud and clear from what I am reading. Rest and rest and rest.:-)

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: Bobert
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 06:22 PM

Geeze Lousie, Michelle... It's 100% anxiety (anxious) and, tell ya' the truth, it is well deserved and a tad overdue... I mean, you been thru Hell and then being held up another week on yer last chemo is grounds for anxiety... This is exactly what it it and it will effect yer breathing, it can effect yer balance, it can make yer heart pound, it can make ya' sweat, ahhhhh, perspire... Now if you weren't going thru what you are going thru it would be called "anxiety disorder" but seein' as you are going thru this last lap thru Hell before gettin' the rest of healthy cancer-free life back, hey, I'd be concerned if you didn't have some anxiety... No make that, "alot" of anxiety...

Hang in there... All this crap will pass and you will have yer life back... Right around the corner...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 06:40 PM

what Bobert said - all this will pass.

love from sandra (who has problems with breathing properly)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 07:42 PM

Listen to Unca Bobert- he's a good'un! Me, I keep having to restrain my self from jumping in the car and driving the 10 hours or so to take care of you- much as I'd like to, it's not to be, at least not for now. You sound as though you have wonderful support there, and these dear folks here have great things to say as well. You just hang in there, ok?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Jun 10 - 09:57 AM

Just poking my nose in to say good morning. I did what the Dr. said and slept ALL NIGHT for a change...sleep is good. My plan for today is to do little things here and there, maybe write a few long overdue notes, to read and rest.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Jun 10 - 08:10 PM

Good plan...

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 02:48 PM

And how are you today, dearest one??????? ♥♥♥

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 09:51 PM

Well my friends, I have some BIG news!!!!

As many of you know, Pete and I have been involved in working towards adopting a baby from Ethiopia. Earlier this week we received a call that a baby within Pennsylvania was in need of a home and were we interested? YES! Of COURSE we said YES!!!

Yesterday at 4:30pm, Jeremiah Thomas joined our family. He is 3 months old and we are completely and totally in love!!!

He will be joining me for my last chemo treatment.....I couldn't figure out how to celebrate so God sent us a little surprise.....nothing could make me happier!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Photos soon!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 09:59 PM

CONGRATULATION!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: Bobert
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 10:00 PM

Ain't in the Bible this way but we've all heard the ol' country expression that "God works in mysterious ways..."

Thank you, Lord...

Now you and yer son, Jeremiah Thomas, have a nice little victory lap thru & ***OUTTA*** the Chemo lab...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 10:48 PM

It's small at the moment, but for pictures of Jeremiah, go here:

Jeremiah Thomas

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 10:49 PM

HMPH. That link doesn't work. Try cutting and pasting:

www.jeremiahthomaslawrence.shutterfly.com

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-one more week then last chemo coming up
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 10:59 PM

I fixed it for ya (forgot the "http//")

What a beautiful boy! My goodness, talk about timing. Congratulations, Mom and Dad and Jeremiah! There's some more real healing taking place for sure, now. It's amazing what little ones can do to cheer us up and inspire us.

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible n
From: KT
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 03:09 AM

Wow!! Congratulations Michelle!! What a great adventure this life can be!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Little Robyn
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 03:19 AM

What a little treasure.
He's beautiful Michelle.
Robyn

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 04:40 AM

Absolutely gorgeous.... So happy this little boy blessing has been placed with you. And I bet his happy parents will bless his life beyond measure.

Love that he got to choose his name.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 05:29 AM

Awwwwwwwwwwww.....

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 08:35 AM

Squeeeeeeeeee!!! What a beautiful baby boy! He has such wise eyes, too. Abundant blessings on you, Pete and Jeremiah- yes, what an amazing, incredible celebration!

So, it would seem that he's NOT from Ethiopia? Doesn't matter at all- he belongs to you!

Loads and loads of love-

Allison

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 08:41 AM

:~)

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 09:18 AM

Baby hugs are medicinal. Force yourself to do several a day--for your health, of course, not just because he's within arm's reach & you can't STAND not having your arms around him. Welcome home, Jeremiah. Another excuse to sit on the porch (in a rocker?) & sing...Tw

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: SINSULL
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 10:18 AM

And now you know what the breathlessness was all about. Jeremiah was knocking at your door. He is beautiful. Congratulations, Mom and Dad.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 11:40 AM

Wow! What a difference a week makes, eh?

The endorphins you'll be generating from this will certainly boost all of your levels that need boosting!

Now, where are the kids' books? I hope you're reading to this little guy? It's never too soon for that!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 12:01 PM

He's absolutely adorable. And I love Pete's body language.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: mouldy
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 02:16 PM

Awww! Congratulations! He's gorgeous!

He looks such a happy chappy, too. You lucky pair, you!


Andrea

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 02:22 PM

Books! Yes!

One is on the way already. There is a really neat set we've been gifting to our god-daughter on her special occasions, since she joined the planet. New series, but oldfashioned in look and feel. I think JTL is going to need a set.... and since we got to see him first, I'll go ahead and start!

[waving magical mystical conductors' baton across mousepad-- in 3/4 time of course]

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 05:49 PM

me thinks we won't be hearing so much from Michelle in the next few months.... She (rightly) will probably be spending as much time with this little man as possible.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 06:29 PM

I am sure she will make time to montage him though!

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 07:16 PM

MORE PICS PLEASE!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: ClaireBear
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 08:53 PM

What a wonderful end-of-chemo gift ... I'm thrilled for you, and even more thrilled for Jeremiah, who got the two of you for parents.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 08:58 PM

Wow! He's beautiful. Congratulations to you all.

Subject: AnyClone Help Request
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 10:59 PM

It is not actually incredible news. It is fabulous news, but there is nothing unbelievable about it. I've seen the wee lad. He's here! :~) And he deserves the MOST positive thread title.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 07:26 AM

I've been away for the weekend & come back to this news.

what a little cutie! lucky you & lucky him to have such parents!!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 07:38 AM

Well, according to my calendar, today is the least round of chemo???

Any confirmation???

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 08:08 AM

hi all!

   sorry for all the lower caps but i have a sleeping wee in my arms.   he is soooooo sweet!!!!   

    chemo is first thing tomorrow morning. mom, jeremiah and i will go down today and stay over.....lab work at 7:45am. hoping to pick up a few more summer clothes for jeremiah today too. also he has his first visit to the dr today.

love to all

michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 08:42 AM

Love to YOU, dear- what does Jeremiah need? You've got a lot of aunties with needles at the ready!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 11:00 AM

Should we do a new thread and do a virtual baby shower?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: ClaireBear
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 12:28 PM

Great idea, SRS!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 08:34 PM

Hi Everybody!

   We are at the hotel after a long but good day! Jeremiah's first trip to the Dr. went very well and the doctor says he is in perfect shape! He weighed in at 12.2 pounds! :)

   At the moment, he his happily sacked out after soaking in all kinds of love from Mommy and Nana. :)

    7:45am: Port Accessed, then the Dr., then the actual chemo (I hope!)

Sweet dreams all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 08:45 PM

Ol' hillbilly gonna be ridin' shotgun if ya' don't mind, Michelle... Yeah, I know that the youngin' oughtta do that but, hey, I got seniority... Plus, half way good at changin' diapers (Virtual, that is...lol...)

Seriously, girl... This is the end of the road for the cancer so you just tell yer doc to take his best shot 'cause you're outta there... Too busy now for dumb ol' cancer... Gotta a kid to raise...

Hooray!!! Comin' into the home stretch...

You are my hero tonight...

All my prayers and warm thoughts will be ridin' with ya'll (Mom, Dad and Jeremiah) tomorrow...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 10:26 PM

:) :) :)

Goodnight my friends.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 06:58 AM

sleep well

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 08:52 AM

:~)

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 09:33 AM

I have to say, the course of this thread and the rocket ship to the moon stunt at the end make this one keeper!

Take care this week, Michelle. Get past the last of the chemo and you're ready for liftoff!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 10:27 AM

I agree BTW about a new thread (post-chemo) for JTL. I think LF ought to start it and lead it.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 11:00 AM

Little Jeremiah was up often last night. He wasn't necessarily crying but rather cooing in his sleep. He was right near me so I think I was way tuned into every little sound. Needless to say, sleep was nearly impossible for me. That's ok. He was really only up 3 times, and up for good at 5:00am when we had some fun Mommy and Baby time...cooing, giggles, singing...playtime!

As for my last chemo. They accessed my port just fine. For whatever reason, the actual port has settled further into my chest a little deeper today....maybe from all the baby holding action. No matter, just meant a few slightly uncomfortable pushes. Then it was off to see the doctor to find out the results of the bloodwork.

Platelets: WAY up. GOOD NEWS!
Hemoglobin: UP! GOOD NEWS!
White blood cell count: Below the acceptable line. But wait...thre are two parts that they count, the first part was too low. The Dr. said that if the second half was a particular number or higher, it would be a go for my treatment. I asked him the list of questions I had written down while we waited for the other half of the white blood cell count to come in. The doctor said that even if it was a little low, he'd be willing to push it and let me have the treatment anyway. The numbers finally came in and the 2nd half was WAY up!!! Treatment is a GO! I am currently sitting in the chemo chair, pre-steroids and meds taken, 3 cups of water at my side (saves wandering around with the chemo pole as I am here alone today), port is being flushed and actual chemo meds starting soon. THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pete has Jeremiah back at the hotel. We had hoped to bring him back here where I am even if just to show him to the nurses but no one under age 16 is permitted back here for both Jeremiah's sake and that of others receiving treatment. I'm bummed but I understand. My nurses will be going out to the waiting room when Pete brings my lunch so they can see Jeremiah...they are all very excited! ring

I will have to wait until the end of the day or later tomorrow to find out the really important numbers, that of the CA-125. I am praying that they have stayed stable or fallen some. A dramatic rise indicates tumor activity.

I am tired and will be able to sleep during this treatment. I have mixed feelings about it being the last one.....sheer elation, a little fear and hesitation and relief.

I'm sure today won't be the end of my story or at least this thread. I still have my 2 weeks of recovery from this treatment and am working on figuring out how I will do with Jeremiah on the painful days....definitely can't do pain meds with a baby around!!! I have friends that will help...I know they will. All I have to do is ask. Some have already offered. Realisitically I KNOW I will have to take them up on it but I'm feeling a little selfish in that I don't want to pass Jeremiah off to anyone else just yet...even if it is for only a few hours!
Ok sweet people, I'm going to drift for awhile. Do ya'll really want a thread just about Jeremiah? I am keeping a blog about him but I'm unsure just how many baby stories people really are interested in hearing!!!! I don't mind sharing, as you know...I like to write and do it a LOT!

Lator Gators!

Michelle
Petal
Miss Maybelle
Mommy
:) :) :)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: ClaireBear
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 02:00 PM

What an incredible mommy you are. What an incredible spirit you have. Bless you, three times three.

Claire

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 02:25 PM

Thirty more minutes and I get to see my husband and baby and NO MORE CHEMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am a very tired, happy girl. Mommy and baby will sleep all the way home....good thing Daddy is driving, huh?

:)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 02:39 PM

Hooray! I lost a thread this morning, letting you know that I was holding you in my heart as the procedures began. Safe home, dear one, and let everyone help you out this week- Jeremiah knows who the real mommy is, and he will thrive all the better for getting to know the loving community that surrounds him!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 03:09 PM

Am I the only one who has been tempted to share an expurgated version of this story with friends at work, but know I'd burst into tears telling it? Good tears mind you, but still, tough in the workplace.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 04:21 PM

...sheer elation, a little fear and hesitation and relief....

LF, gotta tell ya, that is totally normal. Cancer/Chemo has been your "identity" for a significant period of time. It's always hard to give up something that has kept us alive, and that we have identified with-- no matter how nasty it was, that's how human beans are wired-- little bit of Stockholm Syndrome there Cn CS can expand upon.

Just be kind to yourself on all levels of all feelings, as you adjust to letting go of the chemo schedule-- the moment they tell you that you can. JTL will help with that! Some of that will be under your conscious control. Some of it will not. Just ride the waves with as much Grace as you can, and let the rest [the self-evaluating] go.

===

BTW there are actually people who say not to keep the baby by the bedside. Screw that! Keep him where you want him. He'll tell you when close is "too close."

As far as babythread-- YES, and (IMO) best if kept in short threadlengths with new threadnames as he moves thru phases (or you do as a mom).

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 06:48 PM

Jeremiah was next to the bed as we were in a hotel room. He sleeps in his own room, in a crib at home during the night and some day naps.

Mt fear and hesitation is about the concern of it returning and not being under the constant medical eye. Normal, yes.

More soon. Sleeping baby in my arms.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 07:55 PM

Might have been a bumpy last lap but, hey, like they say, "Anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger"...

So proud of you, Michelle...

"Hey" to the youngin' from Uncle Bobert...

BTW...


































...it's over!!!

B:~)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 08:11 PM

Mt fear and hesitation is about the concern of it returning and not being under the constant medical eye. Normal, yes.

But remember how clearly your body told you something was wrong. If needed, it will tell you again. Trust.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 08:11 PM

What Bobert said!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Jun 10 - 10:30 PM

SRS,

   Let me give you something to share.....

    In May of 2010, Pete and I had an adoption fall through. We had met both birth parents (separately), jumped through all the hoops, Mom gave birth and signed the papers. Dad refused to sign the papers but was on his way to jail for 6 years for selling cocaine to a police officer. That baby went directly from the hospital into foster care. The nursery here was ready, our family was ready and our hearts were broken. Six months later I would be diagnosed with uterine and ovarian cancer and the reasons for that adoption not working out became clear. There would have been no way that we could have taken care of a baby during all the surgeries and treatments in the manner which we would have liked. I'm sure we COULD have done it but it would have been difficult and not to our liking.
   Then a week ago Monday I was supposed to have my last chemo treatment. As you know, they sent me home due to a low platelet count. If I had had the treatment, I would have not come home early and we would have not gotten the call about Jeremiah. Initially, we thought we would be picking Jeremiah up late Tuesday night but drama ensued as it frequently does with adoption and it wouldn't be until Friday afternoon when we were told to come pick him up.
    I had my last chemo treatment today. Everything looks wonderful according to my oncologist. My CA-125 test even dropped 2 more points to 16.2. Anything under 35 is fantastic...so as you can see, it's in a very healthy range which makes my heart sing!
    Jeremiah came at THE PERFECT time. I am healthy and we will be able to take care of him the way we want to and the way he deserves. When asked about how I wanted to celebrate the end of my chemotherapy I really couldn't come up with anything other than I want to spend time at home with my family. I think God heard me and made our family complete, enabling me to REALLY be home with our family.....nothing could possibly make Pete or I happier. NOTHING.
   Looking back, it's like everything has fallen into place after months of being in both emotional and physical pain. The words elude me at the moment, but the timing of all of this is incredible.

Gives me goosebumps, really.

Only 2 more weeks of chemo aftermath and I'm going to run like the wind.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jun 10 - 12:54 AM

You summed it up very nicely, Michelle. I know you'd have gotten through fine if the earlier adoption had happened, but this one has happened, and you'll be fine with it also. It'll be easier this way, all things considered, certainly. Too bad for that child in foster care. I hope he/she gets lucky and finds long-term loving care.

I've even thought about looking into it - my kids are just so great, maybe the luck would hold out and I could have a good influence on another child as well? Some of them actually prefer single parent families, or parents with no children at home. Amazing how versatile the system is when there aren't enough foster families around.

Take care this next week or two, get through them one day at a time. If ever you feel despair wash over, simply put Jeremiah in his crib and give yourself time to work through the chemo talking to you. (Don't listen to the chemo - you'll be fine!)

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Jun 10 - 04:09 AM

sending more hugs & love

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 16 Jun 10 - 08:36 AM


Only 2 more weeks of chemo aftermath and I'm going to run like the wind.


Now THAT brought the tears to my eyes. But truly, dear Michelle- you've been running and flying every since this whole thing began!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Jun 10 - 10:51 AM

LF, you may know that I ran a home daycare for a number of years (way pre-CS). My most fragile client was a tiny preemie who came to me on a home apnea monitor. Her nurse came to train me on infant CPR and customize it to preemies, and she taught me how to run the apnea monitor that would come with Jamie. My thought when I mutually interviewed with Jamie's mom was, if I can't choose what challenges I get with MY kid, who am I to turn down an "at risk" daycare kid? I will simply have to learn what to do!!! And then DO IT. That is the job kids require....

My scariest day with her was not the start, but the time much later when her doctor weaned her (and her parents and then me) off the monitor. The day was left to me, for my stopping the hook-ups for every nap.

The day I did it I laid her on my shoulder in one of her favorite drop-off-to-sleep positions and I just rocked her, skin to skin, while she napped for her usual hour and a half. During that time God and Jamie made my skin learn of Jamie's relaxed, reliable strength. I absorbed how safe she really was.

I looked back over all the giggles at hookup time and how she had hated the removal of the hookups when I peeled them back off after the nap. I thought how glad she would be-- never having to be "peeled" again. I felt how totally limp she was on my shoulder and how strong and steady her breathing and heartbeat were. I could see that she had been ready for a long time, and that I was the only slacker left in her circle of care.

Other kids present needed attention briefly during this nap, so I just got up, tended to them one-handed, and went back to the rocker. Jamie almost purred, she slept so soundly.

When her mama pickerd her up she said she had done much the same thing the first night they went un-hooked. She suggested I keep the monitor for a few weeks in case I got nervous. She was done with it. Soon I was too, and the nurse picked it up from my place.


What made this work was that I had a plan, and I had a backup adult steps away "on call" who could help a little-- or run the whole show if needed-- or just BE there if I got nervous.

My plan was that if another kid needed me "on the hop," I'd quickly lay Jamie down on a safe, prepped rug and wake her up as I lay her down on my way to whatever crisis had called me. (Apnea babies only ap when asleep.) All the kids in my home that day were in plain sight the whole time-- I was doing this in an apartment and we had an open-concept kitchen/playroom.



Another time with a precious, wee one was little Robbie S. I forget what the problem was (Carla could tell you) but tiny Robbie and young mama were both at SSMH. Robbie was on 24-hour sats monitoring. Mama really needed to sleep a few hours... so I came in and took Robbie for 4 hours, in a rocker next to her bed. The nurse came in and showed me how sats go up with skin contact and up even more with back-rubbing/patting.

So I held and patted and rubbed Robbie in a slow dance-rhythm. When the sats machine stopped beeping, and held 95's steady.... mama fell out HARD and slept as well as HE was sleeping. I told her as she argued, "I know.... he'd rather be with you... it's OK if you don't sleep.... just let me love him for a little while, OK?"

Her body fell her to sleep.... because it was where the wisdom was.

===

OK, that's the background behind this: TAKE YOUR PAIN MEDS. Have a second adult with you and make a GOOD PLAN.

Because like the flight attendant on an airplane will tell all the mommies about oxygen for mommie first-- ya gotta take care of YOU FIRST. JTL will count on you to do that, and need you to do it so you can take the best care of HIM.

Later in life that will be one area where you will wish (all parents eventually do) that you had taken better care of YOU.

If you look back you will see so many things I told you... perhaps several tads earlier than you were ready to hear them. :~) This is probably another one, momma. Yeah I know-- he's your kid not ours. :~) Try to trust a leetle bit.

===

When will Miss Vee be coming to meet Mr. JT?

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jun 10 - 01:10 PM

Run like the wind... sniff.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 01:28 AM

Spent the day getting new clothes for Jeremiah and introducing him to his namesake and other friends. I am beyond exhausted and have slept for most of the evening....Pete and Jeremiah were worn out too and have been sleeping also.

I am tickled to tell you that they have a children's consignment shop in the town where my husband works. I've been collecting clothes for a baby for some time now but there are many that won't work due to size for JT...so I took them in to the shop. I was able to get him a complete wardrobe for this season and with my trade in clothes, I spent less than $3.00!!!! EXCELLENT!!!!

On the chemo end, the aftermath has begun with the metal yick mouth. My bones are doing ok....even though I was on my feet ALL DAY! So far, no aches at all, just tired.

Susan,

   Funny you should use the analogy of the stuff they tell you on planes....take care of the mommy first, then the child as I was thinking about that just today too.
    I know I will need some help in the upcoming days and am going to have to ask someone to come over and help. I am aiming to keep the pain at bay until at least Friday afternoon. The Laurel Festival is coming up and I desparately want to attend the craft fair on Friday morning with Jeremiah in tow. Usually there are several old friends floating about that event to run into, chat with, etc....it's part of the fun and given this year, I am anxious to see old friends and catch up.
    Anyway, yes...I will need the pain meds that knock me into space and I am going to have to allow someone in the house to help keep an eye on our beautiful boy (even though he currently sleeps a great deal of time....normal for his age). I don't want to risk being asleep when he is up and I may not hear him.
    Good news for the day...my hair is growing and no more meds to slow that process down!! I wonder what color it's going to be...right now it looks to be extremely light blonde, possibly white!!

Going to bed. Love to you all. I'm one day closer to full flight!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 05:31 AM

Now THAT brought the tears to my eyes. But truly, dear Michelle- you've been running and flying every since this whole thing began!

INDEED!

New hair may be platinum blonde.... kewl easy to put in temporary funky colour dyes. Manic Panic!   While the hair is still short you could do stencil patterns, flowers and leaves, birds and butterflies, etc.

or words


I WILL SURVIVE with music notes.

New Mommy!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 06:17 AM

how about shocking pink?

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: Bobert
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 07:11 AM

If not shocking pink, at least she has the wig...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 08:07 AM

All good news. This feels like the end of a very satisfying novel. And they all lived happily ever after...
Get some rest.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 09:20 AM

LF-- scooter? If you can figure out how to incorporate it with Jeremiah, and if you want to use it, you'll find it in the church from dinner time tonight till Sunday afternoon.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 02:10 PM

Spent this morning at a Look Good Feel Better program put on by the American Cancer Society. I went before I lost all my hair and had forgotten what to do when you don't have eyebrows or eyelashes so I went for a refresher.....took Jeremiah along with me and met some nice people and passed on helpful tips to a woman just beginning her chemo adventures. Felt good to be able to offer something useful!

We also stopped to at my yoga instructor's house so she could meet Jeremiah who slept the entire time!

We are back home now but will need to go out again as my Nana has come to visit (she's staying at my moms) and she is anxious to meet our son. :) Then Nana and I will take the baby to a concert my mom is singing in tonight.

So far, all is well on the side effect front. Thanks for the offer of the scooter Susan...if I should need it, I'll give you (or do I call the church) a call. who

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo coming up & incredible news!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 02:28 PM

Always try church office fone first (lv msg). Church also is unlocked a lot during Laurel, in which case help yourself and leave it at the ER if church is locked when you are ready to return scooter. Pat D also has key, and I think Ed V does too (via his Columbarium purchase). I bet Sherry has one too.

If all else fails try Cn CS cell and we can usually zip over.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 03:15 PM

Give yourself the time and space you need. There will be plenty of time to show the baby to friends, as tempting as these post-chemo trips are. Don't overdo, now you have two of you to look out for.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 05:09 PM

LF-- sorry, glitch in schedules here results in probably no scooter this time. If this changes I will PM.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: Sorcha
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 06:47 PM

I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 08:20 PM

Good for you! But take it easy. You've still got to get your strength back.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the r
From: GUEST,jimmyt
Date: 17 Jun 10 - 10:02 PM

Michelle! I came on here tonight after a long absence to tell you I have gotten the flies out your husband tied for me and am excited to be going to Canada next week to use them! I had no idea you have been through such terrible times. Sounds like the cloud has a silver lining though and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers! I will send photos of the fish I catch on these beautiful flies! jimmyt

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 07:56 AM

JimmyT!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

   Have FUN FUN FUN with those flies!!!!!!!!!!!

    Craft fair this morning and then taking it easy...too much running. Bones starting to ache. BLAH. However, there is a sleeping baby boy right in front of me.......can't be SO bad, right?

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 08:35 AM

Congratulations on counts Michelle! The photos are gorgeous. What a handsome and adorable little boy you have. I'm so glad that everything is working out for you.

Love Khatt xxx

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 08:47 AM

In re: HAIR
In 1987-88 my mom went thru surgery, chemo, radiation--& baldness. Hair came in salt&pepper (more salt) & a standup ripple like Elsa Lanchester in "Bride of Frankenstein". As a baby/toddler she was "tow-headed"(almost white-blonde). About 6wks. before she died she was in her bathroom at home & I heard her cry out. Terrified, I ran in & she was leaning on the counter next to the sink shaking with laughter. Around the base of that almost-6-inch salt&pepper ripple were soft, golden curls!!! Life is still full of surprises. Lucky Jeremiah, a mom full of surprises & noticing all of them. What a good start. I send him a Granny-Tanny hug. I know it's an awful job, but please do it for me.
BTW, in the Faulk family, large & loving, the saying was, "That child's not gonna learn to walk until he/she's 5 or 6." Everyone wanting to hold & carry him/her around. Tw

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: mouldy
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 08:55 AM

Wow! You are doing so well, Michelle. Just don't get carried away, although I think you are well-versed in the pattern of after-effects. Little J will still be there to show off when you aren't on the sleepy meds, so just go with what feels right on the day.

However, I suspect that the "Proud Mummy Mode" has properly kicked in now, and may override what you know are going to be temporary (if nasty) side effects of medication! I BET you get to your craft fair!

Andrea x

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 10:06 PM

Whew. Long day. I did go to the craft fair however I only walked around half of it. It's not that big (only 1 square block) but it was HOT and crowded which meant lots of standing still in one spot....not good for me today as it makes my leg bones hurt even more than when I'm walking about. Soooo....I did half and am content with that. Jeremiah got to meet some new friends but overall I kept his stroller tops up...the sun was just too strong and he cries when it's in his eyes...who can blame him?
I have attended this particular craft fair for YEARS and every year they have a tie-dye stand full of t-shirts, skirts, and stuff. My husband LOVES that kind of thing and while he and I have our own tie dye stuff, Jeremiah does not...at least until now! I got him a little purple and teal tie-dyed onesie....*GRIN* I'll get some photos of him in it up sometime soon. He's just too cute.

Ok. So. I started pain meds this evening. Pete is home all weekend so he will help...of course he will! A local music shop is having a trade in weekend....thinking about getting rid of my guitar (never has fit me right...I need a more narrow fret board), electric violin (what was I thinking?) and mandolin (never play it) for a small Baby Taylor which I have fussed around with before and that fits me well. We'll see. I'm running low on energy and almost would just like to stay home for the next month or so.

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: Bobert
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 10:14 PM

Tie-dyed Jeremiah???

Great!!! Gotta start 'um off early...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Jun 10 - 11:29 PM

They say don't make any big decisions immediately following a big medical procedure. It sounds like a good musical exchange - because, of course, if the instrument you get is one you'll actually play, you'll be happy. But still, will that wait a week or two? Once you have it, but even before then, you have a new and appreciative (and captive. . . ) audience for your playing and singing. :)

When you're to the point where you are free of those aches and pains, have you seen those baby tummy packs? I loved them with my children. Admittedly, hot weather will make you both sweat, but if you can use it around the house or in malls, etc., those tummy packs mean you have perfect eye contact with that little one and he can hear your heart beat if he lays his head down on your chest to sleep while you walk. And you can lean over a little and kiss the top of his head and get that baby smell you'll know for the rest of your life.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 12:57 PM

MMMMmmmmmm........

Baby smell - wonderful!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 07:52 PM

Ahhhhhhhhhh.   A day at home. Lots of playtime with my son. Assembling the pack and play (OMGosh....this thing is RIDICULOUS and wonderful all at once!) with Pete. Jeremiah loves his new play space!

My bones are hurting....what else is new? I've put off taking the pain meds as I wanted to enjoy the day with my family but now it's getting late and I really am needing them. Pete is making pizza from scratch, Jeremiah is dry, fed and snoozing away....so it's time.

I decided you guys are right....I'm not going to rush around with the baby nor am I going to sell any instruments right now...I don't care if it happens today or in a few months.

Being home with my family makes my heart happy beyond words.

I ordered a onsie for Jeremiah's first Relay for Life (coming up next month)....it has a blue teal ribbon and says, "I wear teal for my mommy."

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: maeve
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 08:00 PM

I am happy for you, Michelle.

maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 11:52 PM

I'll second that!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 01:17 PM

What a fabulous Fathers Day this must be for Pete! Have a great time, all of you, and take it easy since you're at that painful stage. Even if you do a rain check, today will still be very special.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 07:37 PM

Hello Friends,

    In just a few short weeks, the actual date being July 9th and 10th, I am going to be walking in the American Cancer Society Relay for Life. I am looking for donations or people to sponsor me for this amazing event! My goal is to raise $500.00 for my team, The Angel Walkers. I am not one to ask for donations and I hesitate to ask any of you here because you have ALL been so incredibly supportive of me in more ways than I can count.....BUT.....the money raised for The Relay For Life is something I have also benefited from (transportation reimbursement for my many trips downstate for treatment, wigs, counseling, support groups, help to find my way through the medical maze) and I know how it important it has been for me. The money is raised for the things I've mentioned but also for education and research for ALL cancers. I think that's an important point to make as we all know and love people who have had cancer that isn't breast or colon (although reasearch for those is very important too...just saying they aren't THE ONLY cancers out there). Would you please consider helping me to meet my goal?
    I am working on getting a site set up with the Relay For Life so donations can be made with a credit card for those who prefer to do things that way. In the meantime, if you would like to help, you can send me a check (PM me for my mailing address please) made out to The American Cancer Society. They will send you an acknowledgement and receipt for tax purposes. Every bit helps. EVERY SINGLE CENT.
    Thanks for giving it some thought! Commercial over. For now. *GRIN*

Love to you all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: Bobert
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 08:28 PM

Count me in fir $20... Hey, it's a start...

Relay is such a fine organization...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-last chemo done - mommy is on the run!
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 08:51 PM

Me too.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 10:24 PM

Michelle, try to get PayPal in there and you'll get even more folks donating, is my guess. I can donate either way.

Early July is pretty close, so PLEASE PROMISE us that you'll take every precaution to stay hydrated, rest when you need to, and sit out the end if you have to. Okay? No donations are going away if this event is too soon after you finished chemo to do the whole thing. We'd rather have you stay healthy than finish the race and make yourself feel bad again.

Okay. Soapbox off. :)

This is certainly going to be a year you won't quickly forget.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 06:19 AM

Up early with a playful Jeremiah. *yawn*

About the Relay. I am going to take it easy, I promise. I am going to walk at the opening ceremony for the survivor lap and then for the first half hour of the event.....right around 10:00am. Then at 4:00am I am scheduled to walk another 30 minutes.....everything is at my own pace, of course. I am on a team so there are plenty of people to keep walking during the 24 hour event. Pete and I are taking a tent and I plan to be there for the full 24 hours. My mom will be there for part of the event too as will Jeremiah. I'm not planning on having him there for the full 24 hours....his nana will be more than happy to have him for the night. Also, if it's too hot, I will walk when I'm supposed to and go to Mom's house for the in-between times....guess I'll just have to play it by ear. I'm really excited about the relay though....I have a shirt just for this event and I'm going to wear my viking helmet draped with a teal boa for the survivor lap! Since it's a local event, I know lots of the people participating and that will make it fun too. There is an open invitation at our team camp site for people to just come hang out and visit for as long as they want. It's all about supporting one another and helping to raise money for local assistance and research. :)

I'm hoping today is the end of the bone pain and that maybe Jeremiah and Mommy can take a snooze a little later on. The little stinkpot thinks play time is around midnight and then again at 4:30am or so. He's all bright eyed and smiley...cooing away...can't possibly be upset with him but I AM tired!!!!   Happy and tired. :)

Thanks for your donations.....WOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Tinker
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 08:13 AM

What town is your Relay for Life walk in? The main site should let us donate once you and you team are registered. I found Hanover and Windber in Pennsylvania on that date.....

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 08:16 AM

Tinker,

   I am walking in the Wellsboro, PA Relay For Life which is being held on July 9th & 10th. :) I am on the Angel Walker Team that is part of the Niles Valley United Methodist Church. :)

I'll have to check that out! I'm sure you can donate to the national site but no sure how that works with teams. Thanks for the heads info!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 09:36 AM

Count me in- and PayPal is a great idea. I've been off the puter again but just chiming in to celebrate a new day, and the great news about Relay for Life!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Tinker
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 09:45 AM

I think this will bring you to your team page

Angel Walkers


If this is right people can contribute to any individual by clicking on their name or make a whole team donation.

If you make a link to your personal page ( I absolutely spaced on which Michelle you might be...BG) ( IF you are yet a third Michelle click join team and go from there) People can contribute from your page toward your goal and we can all watch the numbers grow....

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 09:53 AM

LF, I am still planning to park my scooter at Relay for the duration, for my use, yours, and anyone who needs it.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 10:36 AM

Tinker,

   That's the page!!! YAY!!! I am Michelle Lawrence (there are a couple Michelle's!). THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!   I am working on my personal page for the team too via the ACS! Cool beans!

Susan,

    As far as I know, that's fine. Our team captain was going to ask about it at the last meeting just to be sure...don't know why it wouldn't be. If you are leaving it there for the duration and others would be permitted to use it, I'd like to request it for the Survivor's Lap (first thing) for my friend Tracy....she is currently undergoing all kinds of physcial and occupational therapy but a lap around the track would just be too much for her.

Cool beans! I love when things work out!

Love,

Michelle and Jeremiah (who is going to the Relay with a onsie that reads, "I wear teal for my mommy!"

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 11:12 AM

Michelle, a feeding tip: Kids form habits, so if Jeremiah expects to be fed at midnight and 4am, he'll wake at midnight and 4am. But if he gets a bottle of water at midnight or 4 am (you might want to take out one of those feedings at a time, not both), then he'll stop waking up wanting it after a few attempts because water just isn't as exciting to wake up for! Check with one of the nursing books (La Leche League has some good ones) to see what the number of feedings at any given age are recommended. He may be a little young yet to go all night without, but you might manage to do a feeding at bedtime, then one very early, and then the regular daytime feedings.

I'll go into the web site and see about making a donation.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 11:36 AM

Here's a direct link to make a donation to the American Cancer Society for me!

Donate to The Relay For Life in Michelle's Name

WOOO HOOOOO!!!! YEEE HAAWWWWW!!!!

Thanks in advance!!!!!!!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 12:09 PM

Another hot tip to address babies who flip their schedules, mixing up night and day-- turn down (around 9PM), and then OFF (at 10), all the lights in the house. Keep any night-time babytending very, very dim, quiet, lowkey. Give attention, but not playtime. Their brains figger it out from there if we do not over-stimulate them with light, noise, and facial responsiveness. You act sleepy, they get the idea before too long.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 12:19 PM

Regarding Jeremiah.

He sleeps quite a bit and we are on somewhat of a schedule now...needs to be tweaked a little bit but really, I think he does very well.

In the evening he falls asleep around 9:00 or so and then wakes up anywhere between 11:00 and midnight for a diaper change and feeding. Then he is AWAKE. Bright eyes, cooing, smiling. He plays for maybe 30 minutes to an hour (despite mommy not playing...he's totally interested in his hands)and then drops off to sleep for the night. Up for a diaper change and feeding between 3:30 and 4:30....drops back to sleep until 5:00-5:30 at which point he is UP and wants active play. We play with him and then he goes back to sleep which really works out fine with us. That gives me time in the morning to do morning household chores, make breakfast, pack Pete's lunch and some quiet time with Pete (breakfast conversations are always the best time of day here). Jeremiah is back up at 9:00ish and we begin our day.
   
I'm sure he will sleep through the night soon enough. Right now, I'll settle for 5 hours of sleep at once. :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 04:01 PM

A tip is just a tip-- sometimes, to save for later.

You will find, though, that just about as soon as you get used a particular schedule-- his growth will change it. A large part of parenting is the mental gymnastics to keep up with the inevitable changes. We're usually just a tad behind their curve! :~) One of the lovely things about children, especially babies-- they really do wake up each day practically a new person.

My younger brother had a great paradigm for this with his infant son. He explained to me that Nick had recently arrived from a different planet than the rest of us, and that his job as Dad was to respect that Nick had his own way as well as to show him, "But this is how we Earth people do things, and you'll want to know our ways, too." He saw his role (partly) as being the ambassador between Nick and the new world he was growing into.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 08:05 PM

I did a lot this mornig while Jeremiah napped but then I lost my oomph. Met my Mom and Grandma for some iced tea and then hit the grocery store where I spent half an hour making photo prints for friends and family. Grocery shopping on top of that....Mama figured out how to use the car carrier in the shopping cart seat so baby doesn't have to touch the icky store cart. *all proud of myself* Jeremiah behaved himself very well. Mommy is tired and cranky...pulled something in my belly near my incision. ARG. Too much hoisting the baby in his car seat I'm afraid. No more for the next few days....ok, well...visiting some friends but really...it's all home time from now on for a bit. Chemo is whooping my butt energy wise...I NEED to slow down.

Dinner is done, chores for the day are done and my Relay site is up and running...YAY.

Night all.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 10:03 PM

sleep well, busy person

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 10:09 PM

Today we had our 2nd homestudy. The first one happened last year, long before Jeremiah was even born. Our house is in great shape so I wasn't worried about THAT part. I was, however, worried about sharing what has been going on with my health for the past 7 months. I didn't know if people who had so recently gone through chemotherapy would be allowed to adopt a child. I researched it and found that some agencies require that you have to be cancer free for a year...some countries require a 5 year cancer free report from the doctor. I called the American Cancer Society to discuss the situation. They felt things would be fine but gave me 2 legal advocate offices should the need arise. I called my ob/gyn oncologist and my chemo oncologist who both wrote me letters stating that I had a hysterectoy, underwent rigorous chemotherapy without

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 10:15 PM

sorry..hit the submit by mistake...anyway, both doctors wrote letters stating that I had a complete hysterectomy, underwent a rigorous series of chemotherapy with no lasting side effects and there is no sign of disease. HOORAY!!! The real test for today was talking to our worker. She arrived and we discussed Jeremiah, the things he likes, what he's eating, his health, etc and then she said that everything looked good and was glad that everything was going smoothly. That's when we told her about the cancer (I was wearing my wig). She was GREAT about it and thanked us for being honest with her. She asked me if I was worried that she would take the baby and I told her that I have been concerned about it. She said there was no way she was going to take the baby away from us and that she felt we were doing an excellent job!!! I am SOOO relieved! I was SO afraid that she might take Jeremiah. It's been weighing on my mind heavily because it wouldn't just affect Jeremiah and myself but also my husband (and Mom too) who is absolutely in love with this sweet little boy.
    :) It's been a good day. Thank God for answered prayers.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Jun 10 - 11:15 PM

TBTG!

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 04:00 AM

another great day for your family

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 07:54 AM

♫☼HOORAY!!☼♬ Jeremiah so clearly belongs to you and Pete- it's wonderful when others see that as well.

Love to you all♡♥♡♥♡

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Bobert
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 08:41 AM

Whew... Got that one outta the way, too... Clear sailin' now, Michelle...

BTW, I will get a check out to ya' in a day or two for Relay...

"Hey" to J(eremiah)...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Noreen
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 08:48 AM

Great news!
You can relax about EVERYTHING now, and just get on with being a happy family.

How lovely.

Hugs to everyone.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 11:01 AM

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: ClaireBear
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 03:32 PM

That's fabulous news. Congratulations, happy family!

Michelle, I continue to be in awe of you and thrilled for you, in equal measure. You go girl!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: gnu
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 03:35 PM

sniff, sniff...

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 04:42 PM

I want to see more baby pictures. I particularly want to wee some baby interacting with mom pictures.

Where's da pictures?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 05:28 PM

To be honest, I have only a few photos of Jeremiah and Mommy. I don't like how I look....definitely NOT like a mommy. I still look like the creepy albino guy in the B rated horror flicks.....everybody is afraid of him but really, he's a gentle soul that is just misunderstood.

I know Jeremiah doesn't care. He's never seen me any other way except bald...although lately Pete has taken to calling me Sprout because I do have LOTS of little white (or very, very blonde) hair coming in!

I do think my bald head causes lots of people to stare, especially in this small town community. Now I have a baby that looks different from me and that creates a stir too. I'm getting quite used to it!

So...ok...let me see if I have a picture to add to Jeremiah's website: www.jeremiahthomaslawrence.shutterfly.com

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 05:48 PM

New photos are up! www.jeremiahthomaslawrence.shutterfly.com

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 06:01 PM

Whoo Hooo! I have been kind of out of circulation, but it dawned on me that I hadn't sent my donation for the

Angel Walkers team for Michelle Lawrence.

So I did, and guess what?

She is over the top on her goal!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Noreen
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 06:23 PM

jeremiahthomaslawrence.shutterfly.com/pictures

Pleased to meet you, Michelle! :)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 07:32 PM

WOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!

    SRS, Allison and Mary...thank you SO SO much for your donations to help support me in my walk against cancer!!   I can't believe I've topped $500.00....actually, I'm very close to $600.00 now!!! Dare I set my goal to $750.00? I think so!!!!!!
    C'mon Mudcatters....help me out! Any amount is WONDERFUL!!!! It's easy to do right online AND it's tax deductable!!! Here's the link: Relay for Life Donations for Michelle Lawrence

YAY!!!! Thanks again!!!!!

Much Love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: wysiwyg
Date: 29 Jun 10 - 11:13 PM

Huh, jes tell your menzes that soon you will have more hair than ALL of them put together!

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 02:42 AM

Michelle! You know that we here cannot see YOU as anything less than radiantly beautiful.

Thanks anyway for the pics of the Little man. Such a darling.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 07:56 AM

VT,

    :) :) :) ((((Hugs)))))

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 07:59 AM

Susan,

   I have some goodies coming for the Relay, one of which is a button that says, "Chemo is ovr, I kin haz hair now?" LOL

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 08:05 AM

You know that we here cannot see YOU as anything less than radiantly beautiful.
I'm on another forum (gasp) called Ravelry.com that has buttons you can click: Agree, Love, Funny, etc. I've come to look for the "agree" button wherever I go- if I could, I'd click it big time for your comment!

Does anyone else here just long to hug that beautiful baby?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 10:33 AM

he is sooo cute

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 Jun 10 - 10:54 AM

Bragbragbrag

Been's as we'uns iz local, we gitz to SEE him.

Can haz hugs?

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: jacqui.c
Date: 03 Jul 10 - 12:23 PM

He is gorgeous - such a happy looking little guy. Congratulations to you all and I'm so glad that the home visit set your mind at rest.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 11:34 AM

A week from today Faulkner will have a lump removed and biopsied-- hopefully his last, tho I doubt it.

Do dogs go in Relay, on leashes?

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 01:40 PM

I would say no. I don't recall seeing any animals at the Relay For Life. You could ask Sonee G....she would know for sure.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 05 Jul 10 - 09:43 PM

While you can't take your dog to the upcoming Relay For Life in Wellsboro, the American Cancer Society does have an event that you can take your dog to....check it out:

Bark For Life

Michelle :)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 09:45 AM

I didn't sleep much last night (although Jeremiah did) and I'm having some bone pain in my knees....not sure what that's about. I'm just about 3 weeks out from my last chemo so I shouldn't be having bone pain...GRRRRR. Anyway, while I was awake, I updated my montage and thought I'd share.

Michelle's Montage Update

Love to all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 10:45 AM

What an amazing journey. Thanks for updating that, Michelle!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 10:49 AM

what a great garden - is that what you do in your spare time?

there are some lovely pics of you & family. how's baby going?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Bobert
Date: 06 Jul 10 - 12:40 PM

Sorry to read that yer still havin' some bone pain... I'd bet it completely gone in a week...

Sent out my Relay check today...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 07:19 PM

YAY Bobert!!!   Thank you!!!! HOORAY!!!!! SMOOCH!!!!

Anyone else? I could use a few more sponsors! The Relay begins on Friday morning which is only 2 days away! I'm putting up a link to my American Cancer Society Relay for Life website where you can easily (and securely) make an online donation! It doesn't take long and is tax deductable too! I am hoping to raise another $100.00 and any amount you can share will get me closer to my goal! Please consider it!!!!!

Please Help Sponsor Me in the Relay For Life!!

Love to you all!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 08:19 PM

Ahhhhh, seein' as I have sent out my check is there any way I could make one small, little bitty request??? I think ya'd look great without hair growin' back... I'll send you a razor???

B;~)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 08:58 PM

LOL.

Request denied!!!

LOL!!!

I had a photo taken of my hair today and I'll post a link to it just for you! SILLY, SILLY MAN!!!! ;)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 Jul 10 - 09:46 PM

do you have tiny little curls?

Some years back I knew a woman whose hair was re-growing after chemo & she had a cap of soft silky little curls, like baby hair under her stylish wig. She would often sweep off her wig to show her off new curls!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Bobert
Date: 08 Jul 10 - 08:34 AM

Hurrrrrummmptttt!!!

I wasn't tryin' to be "silly"... I just find bald womenz very sexy... Fir real... I mean, look around ya'... Plenty of womenz got plenty of hair... Might of fact, we gotta a surplus of the stuff... Need a little balance...

I donno...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Jul 10 - 12:29 AM

;-D

Did I mention, Michelle, that I've actually been to Wellsboro? My father's family had a house in Salladasburg, south of there. I was visiting my great aunts one summer and we went for a drive and ended up there. It was a beautiful little place. Enjoy your walk!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: wysiwyg
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 11:54 AM

It was a good Relay (would have ended about 2 hours ago), and wee Jeremiah was so cute in his togs! I got to meet and re-connect with a few people despite some limits on my participation due to ministry constraints and weather. I did enjoy scootering the track and visiting with walkers.

Hardi and I are both wondering how the infield held up after the deluge that broke the heat and drought last night, all over the Relay folks. We were told that they had all been ordered off the track and into the HS-- when LF looks in I am sure she will report more. I do know she raised a boodle of cash for the cause-- kudos!

Looking forward to next year's laps,

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 12:52 PM

The Relay was EXCELLENT! I raised just about $1,200.00....many thanks to those of you who helped with that!! This small community raised over $110,000.00!!! That's a new record and one that I am very excited about!!! I have been up since 3am and am exhuasted. I normally walk about 3500 steps a day lately (I wear a pedometer) but as of right now, I have in over 12,000 steps in. I'm tired and on my way to bed....more later on....I wish this event would go on for a week...I absolutely enjoyed ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Noreen
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 02:14 PM

Well done you! Sleep well :)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby makes 3 Relay for Life
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Jul 10 - 02:19 PM

Good Work! Well done, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby over $1,200 for relay!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 03:18 AM

ditto

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby over $1,200 for relay!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 08:49 AM

She mus' be bizzeh with babeh

She came, she saw, she conquered-- she slept. Isn't that all of us wimminz way? :~)

What makes we'uns wimminzes 'ottehs.

You Latin-speakers-- would that be, "Vini, vidi, vinci, dormi"?

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby over $1,200 for relay!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 01:28 PM

I will be posting soon....too much to do and not enough oomph to post what I want to just yet....but I will (and soon I hope!)

Michelle with a slightly sunburned noggin. (kinda on purpose....didn't put tons of sunscreen on as my head was snow white and thought a little sun might tone it down some!)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby over $1,200 for relay!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 11:10 PM

pink head? pink wig!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby over $1,200 for relay!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Jul 10 - 11:31 PM

So Rose Red is better than Snow White, eh?

So you've finished the cancer, you've finished the walk, you have a baby keeping you busy. This thread has certainly run an amazing course.

I hate to ask what's next - it's hard to top getting over cancer. :)

What projects do you have in mind, or is it some concentrated Mommy time for a little while? (That isn't a bad choice, by any means. I took 9 years off, all told, to raise my kids.)

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby over $1,200 for relay!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Jul 10 - 10:27 PM

Well, I think I have finally caught my breath from this past weekend! The Relay was incredible and brought about lots of emotion...as expected.

Jeremiah and I arrived at the Relay around 9:00am. The relay didn't start until 10:00 but I wanted to be early....just to have time to settle in and people watch. My team tent was in a prime spot for this...right at the base of one of two paths leading to the track. Before long, my friend Tracy showed up with her BF. She had hand painted 2 signs...one for her and one for me...they had our names on it, the word SURVIVOR and then the names of people who have helped us through. I'm happy to share that MUDCAT was painted on my sign!!!

Before the actual relay started, my mom, Tracy and I went nosing around the track to see what some of the other teams had set up. The truth is, I never did really find that out because I was too busy stopping along the way to talk to people and to share Jeremiah. When the opening ceremonies began, I was at another tent and because the first lap is really a parade of all teams, we had to jump in line when our team went by because we weren't at our tent! The morning passed quickly and before I knew it, it was time to get some lunch and get Jeremiah to his doctor appointment (which went just fine). Jeremiah and I went back to the Relay for a few hours and then left to get my husband for the survivor's lap. As it turned out, the sky was black and when it began to thunder, we were sent to the high school gym. The gym bleachers were FULL. Standing room only. A few remarks were made, a raffle ticket was drawn for a quilt and then there was the Survivor's Lap. All the survivors, many of us wearing a dark purple t-shirt given to us by the American Cancer Society, lined up facing one way. Our caregives lined up facing another way. Music played as we walked in our directions meeting halfway. At that point, people were hugging one another (even if we didn't know the people) and lots of tears were flowing. The Relay Committee Members formed two lines down the center of the gym floor making a tunnel of sorts and the survivors, paired with their caregivers walked through the tunnel to a standing ovation. I had the purple t-shirt on and I was also wearing a viking helmet complete with a teal (for ovarian cancer) boa hanging from my horns (got lots of giggles and smiles). I thought I would cry for this, but I didn't....I was so overwhelmed with the number of people and feeling very proud to be there with my husband....we linked arms and wheeled Jeremiah through the tunnel, stopping at the end to cheer others on. It was AMAZING. Afterwards, they had entertainment in the form of a dance troupe....or maybe the dance people came before the survivor's lap...I don't remember. Anyway, they were good!!! Afterwards we went home. I got back up at 3am to walk for my allotted time. It was still very dark out and I was really, REALLY tired but kept telling myself, cancer never sleeps. Cancer never sleeps. Cancer never sleeps and neither will I!!! The morning walk was actually very nice...it was cool out, the rain had stopped and Mom and I walked until dawn. At 7 or so, they announced a morning yoga class in front of the bleachers...you KNOW I went to that. Mom kept walking. I kicked off my shoes in the wet, muddy grass and stretched myself silly. Later that morning I put tickets into various raffle bags (they had a Chinese raffle and I had purchased the tickets the day before...just hadn't used them all) and relaxed a bit.
   I walked until my hips hurt. It was more activity for me than I had done in months....so yeah...it hurt but I had SUCH a good time that I didn't much care. During the 24 hours that this took place, they had all kinds of music going, lots of raffles, food and activities.....talk about a community coming together!!!
    I ended up raising very close to $1200.00. As a whole, the Wellsboro Relay for Life made over $110,000.00!!! Now THAT is something to be excited about!
    What's next? Hopefully a return to a somewhat normal life. I am looking forward to being Mommy and taking care of both of the men in my life and our home. I know the chemotherapy is over but there are still check ups every month and a half (staggered between my surgeon and my chemo doctor). I have to have my port flushed every thirty days and then in a few months, I have to have the port taken back out (not looking forward to that at all). I'm excited to tell you that my hair is coming back in (sorry Bobert!!) and if you are face to face with me, you can actually see it! I still look bald in my photos but I'm not!!!! Mostly I am looking forward to staying healthy and making the most of my life with my family.
    Tomorrow my mom will drive Jeremiah and I to the hospital where I will have my port flushed which means they will put that giant ass needle in my chest AGAIN. I have cream to help numb it (although it doesn't do the trick entirely) and it won't take long and I don't need any more meds pumped into me....trying to keep a positive eye on this. Also, I've received a letter from the woman who runs the House of Care and she misses me and has asked that I stop by. My friend Tracy is there for the week so maybe I'll get some time with her too (she's staying at the House of Care....not a patient in the hospital....just having multiple appointments). Afterwards, we are headed to a farmer's market, something I love to do!!!
    I'm sure I've left things out about the Relay but suffice it to say that it was a totally memorable event filled with friendships and love and I can't wait to do it again. Thank you to everyone for all your support!!

Love to all! Pictures to come soon!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 02:47 AM

what a Love you are!

Viking helmet indeed you have regularly plundered our hearts (and most welcome too)with your experiences. chuckle....

With that baby to fill your time and mind, you may surprised to find that soon the nasty disease and all the nasty treatments will be little more than a faint unpleasant memory. Learn to attach a good thing to each unpleasant bit. How kind this nurse was, the day you met this person, this milestone passed, etc. and so on to make the memories positive.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 10:43 AM

what an amazing day & congratulations to all who participated.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 06:02 PM

I've been without internet again, but now I can say: HOORAY FOR MICHELLE! You've been in my heart all week leading up to the Relay, and you're in my heart today. Let us know how you feel after the port treatment!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Jul 10 - 09:06 PM

Ah yes. The port flush. It wasn't so bad. I had misplaced the numbing cream so I stopped by the clinic before we went to lunch and they gave me a new tube of it and the plastic covering. I had a new nurse for the port flush which made me kind of nervous...never know how long they have been doing it, etc. She was very good! I talked to her for a minute before parking myself in the big chair and I got kinda teary. She gracefully tried to distract me with chit chat and I let her...it helps. It took all of about 5 minutes to flush the port with saline and heparin and then to remove the needle. It really did go better than I was anticipating.

Next week I have an appointment with my surgeon for a check-up.

After they flushed my port, I walked Jeremiah over to the House of Care where he got to meet the woman who runs the house...she has been looking forward to meeting him so that was fun!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 Jul 10 - 09:04 PM

Tomorrow morning I have my second post-op check up with my surgical oncologist....any good thoughts would be appreciated.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 19 Jul 10 - 09:05 PM

Good luck Michelle - here's hoping that all goes well.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 19 Jul 10 - 10:04 PM

Good thoughts here, as well...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 01:49 AM

Been there, done that. It's nice to leave the oncologists behind and just go back to the normal doctors, if you can. When appropriate. My ob/gyn assisted with the big surgery -- the oncologist said he usually invites the referring surgeon to assist, but they don't always have time. I called Suzanne's nurse and begged with her to talk Suzanne into being there, and she was! She is very good, and does such tidy stitching and was pleased when I remarked later that I never could find the stitch that was supposed to be in my navel. She has a special trick for that, apparently. :)

Anyway, the regular folks are always glad to have you back when you're finished with the specialists!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 04:26 AM

add some good thoughts from me to the mix

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 03:12 PM

maybe a bit late but I'm right here doll baby.... positive thoughts at the ready...


ready.... aim.... fire....

zinging across the Atlantic.....

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 04:04 PM

LF, I've been out running around and you have been in my prayers.

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 06:44 PM

Thanks for the good thoughts and prayers...they worked!!! The Dr. said everything looks great! I have to go back in 3 months. He also said that I win the award for the most transformed patient he has ever had...going from a very fearful, tearful, timid person to one that is beaming with confidence. :) I think it has something with all the writing I did, being able to express myself (or at least tried to) and the support I found...which you are all part of! YAY!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Jul 10 - 11:01 PM

Goodonya!

Speaking scientifically, a large part of that is the tears and the re-evaluation that occurs after the cleansing kind of tears. I have a book for you about it, to pass along to Miss Vee/new mommy. Will bring Sat'day.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Jul 10 - 06:26 AM

Michelle, it has been a honour watching your journey

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST, All Of Us at Mudcat
Date: 22 Jul 10 - 11:18 PM

Michelle, Sweetheart,

Watch Your Mail.

With Love, all of your Mudcat Friends

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 Jul 10 - 02:04 AM

Michelle, we've all noticed the new confidence. It's a wonderful transformation. Cancer kind of helps you sort out what's really important, doesn't it? I found that to be the case.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 Jul 10 - 02:39 PM

Cancer certainly was a wake up call for me on many levels and I don't think you can go through it without learning to look at things in a new way. Sometimes I find myself thinking the way I used to and then wonder what the heck my problem is!!! I am much more appreciative of each day and for the love and kindness of people in my life....including all of you!!!

And watch my mailbox? *PERK* Now I'm curious and all excited!!! But then again, most of you know that I'm really a 12 year old at heart....how thoughtful of you all!!!!!!!!!!! I can't wait!!

Our multi family yard sale is today and I've been there for most of the morning and afternoon with Baby Jeremiah. It is now upwards of 85 degrees...far too hot for the little one to sleep in his seat and he is now getting fussy so I brought him to Nana's house which is nearby. He's snoozing and I'm taking a break. :)

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 23 Jul 10 - 06:05 PM

Well, twice in the past week I've posted stuff that never showed up! Hmmm..

Hope these good cheers make their way. The docs were right about your transformation, dear one- you are a joy to watch!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Jul 10 - 04:28 PM

I saw signs for several garage sales this weekend, but it is hot, then it rained. And when I saw the signs it was too late in the day - most of the good stuff was probably gone. How did your garage sale work out, Michelle? They are so much work!

I've decided the best time to have one is on the first weekend of the month, if possible. It's the day right after payday, when people are more likely to have cash in their pockets.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Severn
Date: 24 Jul 10 - 11:35 PM

Best of thoughts, Chemo Sabe, from a fellow survivor. You've inspired us all!

I never had to deal with a port, so good luck with that. And the experience of getting to know your body again and coming to terms with it (as opposed to resigning yourself to it). Keep doing things and finding ways of pleasantly surprising yourself on your path forward.

You seem to have wonderful in-home support. I had Mudcat support helping me get through a few crises, and I'm pleased and proud to be giving some back.

Take care.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Jul 10 - 07:45 PM

Oh- Michelle, how is your hair growth coming along? Time for a trim? Don't forget to post pictures.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 26 Jul 10 - 10:05 AM

Yeah, I'm all fir "a trim"... Think razor here... Eeeeowwwww.... Bald womenz is sexy...

Ya'll want yard sales??? Well, there one weekend every year where the entire Route 11 corridor which runs thru the Shenandoah Valley is yard sale weekend so ya end up with a hundred miles of 'um... I mean, thousands and thousands of up up and down the highway... Somethin' to behold... Bring money... Small bills... Bring yer station wagon, too...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,USPS postal pixie
Date: 26 Jul 10 - 11:27 AM

Check your mail today!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Jul 10 - 11:34 AM

My package arrived today.

Breakfast was cooking....english muffins in the toaster, eggs on the stove and me ignoring it all to open my package.

I carefully cut through the tape and couldn't believe what I found.....this ENTIRE thread printed out and spiral bound!!! Knowing me like you do, I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I stood and cried. I am overwhelmed with your kindness and seeing the entire story there in front of me....I can't believe it. There's so much there...so many tears went into so many of those posts and so much love.....this is a gift that I will treasure forever and ever. I randomly opened the book to different pages and read....there are things that I remember clearly and other details that I had forgotten already.
    Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Somehow words don't seem adequate but know that I absolutley love that everything was printed out and bound.....something that contains a good deal of my heart and soul as well as all of you....I sometimes wonder if you know just how much you all have helped me through the last 7 months?
    At the Relay for Life, my friend Tracy made 2 signs...one for her and one for me. She had told me she was going to do it, asking me for my favorite colors and then for the names of the people who I couldn't have done without. So..there's my name: Michelle Lawrence, SURVIVOR along with Pete, Mom, Linda, Laurie AND MUDCAT!!!! I will post a photo of it soon.....I hope the message I'm trying to convey is coming across as thank you with all my heart. And I love you. XOXOXOXOOXOX

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Jul 10 - 12:42 PM

Ok...this album is JUST the start so there isn't much here, but I wanted you to be able to see the sign....

My Survivor Sign Made By Tracy

XOXOXOXO

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Jul 10 - 12:44 PM

Well, that link isn't working for some reason but you can see the photo at:

www.watchmyhairgrow.shutterfly.com

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Jul 10 - 12:45 PM

A Mudelf will be able to fix that: http://watchmyhairgrow.shutterfly.com/

Been out washing dawgs. They each have a new collar (no skunk smell embedded!) and I'll be fixing their Invisible Fence collars later today. I have to drill those and put the receivers on.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Aug 10 - 11:09 PM

Hey, Michelle, how's that head of hair coming? And, that gorgeous little boy...still outgrowing his clothes, I'll bet. It doesn't doesn't stop, btw. I just measured Morgan-the Grandson and he's grown another 1.5 inches since March. He'll be 7 in November!

Hope all is well.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 01:52 PM

Jeremiah turned 5 months old yesterday and he is now a well integrated part of our life! His court date is coming up soon and we'll all breathe a big sigh of relief when everything is final.

In other news, tomorrow I go for my first post-chemo checkup where they will take blood from my port and check the CA-125 levels. I am hoping the numbers have stayed nice and low....any significant rise indicates tumor activity. Any good thoughts and prayers would be more than appreciated! To be honest, it scares the hell out of me.

I've been feeling pretty darn good....still pretty tired but I just found out today (at a local doctor appointment) that my thyroid medication needs to be raised and I need prescription levels of vitamin D...both of which should help my energy levels! YAY! My hair is growing (sorry Bobert) and I have eyebrows and (small) eyelashes again!!! HOORAY! My hair had been coming in almost white and now it's fairly dark and so SOOOOO soft!!! One of my friends says it's like "baby bird fur." :)

The book that was made from this thread sits on my piano and I thumb through it almost daily, opening it to random spots taking in all of your love and support. :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 04:14 PM

Thanks for the updates, Michelle. Keep those fears at bay with the knowledge that prayers, thanks-givings, etc. are still here for you and your family. One step at a time, you have done it and ARE doing it, very well.

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: gnu
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 04:24 PM

Hair hair!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 05:45 PM

yes thanks for keeping us informed... more good nergy headed your way.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 Aug 10 - 08:55 PM

I'll second all that

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 09:38 AM

Yay for hair, and lots of loving thoughts for your appointment today. When is Jeremiah's court date?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 10:56 AM

Fingers crossed on those numbers...

Forget the hair... It's just friggin' hair... Get a BIC razor and let yer freek flag fly!!!

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 12:12 PM

You'll be able to keep up with the book by selecting more recent posts and dropping them into a word processor. It's difficult to get just a few late pages to print if you've selected print view, but I suspect if you set up print view and then copy and paste you can capture them.

I'm glad to hear the thyroid readings have indicated adjustment - in the sense that once that is at the correct level the rest of this will be more comfortable to anticipate.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 08:28 PM

Visit with oncologist went well, he said he THINKS everything is good HOWEVER the blood test that gives the absolute answer was not ready to be read when I left. He said he would call me today and leave a message with the results. He did not do that. I am about out of my mind with worry. :(

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Aug 10 - 08:46 PM

You know that worry doesn't help anything, so try to relax. Have you been to your yoga class for a while? What exercises or breathing techniques will help you through this? Chin up, kiddo! You're doing fine!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 Aug 10 - 02:15 AM

I'll second all that, too

sandra (sending more hugs)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Aug 10 - 10:04 PM

GREAT NEWS!!! My CA-125 test (tumor marker) came back with the lowest numbers yet which is the best possible scenario!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cried for 20 minutes after I got the news....relief, letting go of all the fear.....I am SO THANKFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, love and Love to every single one of you!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 Aug 10 - 10:14 PM

YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how's baby?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 Aug 10 - 01:42 PM

deep exhale..... very good news to hear.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Aug 10 - 07:49 PM

I'm posting a link to a video that strikes something deep down in me. The father in this video is to his son what my mom has been to me during my cancer diagnosis and ongoing treatment. I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!

Never Ever Give Up

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Sep 10 - 10:29 AM

Sad news today about Rowan, who was so helpful in LF's journey: http://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=132000

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Sep 10 - 09:55 PM

Just an update:

Tomorrow I will have my port accessed. It's a short procedure and thankfully they gave me some Lidacaine cream ahead of time so I can numb the spot to make it less painful. On the way home, I'll be stopping at the American Cancer Society to pick up a few new hats. My hair is growing faster than I thought it would but I imagine it will still be plenty short when the colder weather sets in...hence the hats (although I have a pretty nice collection thanks to my friends here at Mudcat!).

No testing tomorrow or anything like that....just a fast needle into my chest....then they suck some blood into the tubing and put it back to make sure all channels of the port are open and working as they should.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 20 Sep 10 - 10:05 PM

Still here and still with ya', Michelle... Kinda like relivin' a victory lap... 2nd lap ***ever*** as good as the first one... Keep on truckin'...an' truckin'...an'..........

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Sep 10 - 11:41 PM

Thanks Bobert!!

About a month ago I was in Ithaca, NY and I was parking my car when I noticed that the car next to me had a teal ovarian cancer ribbon magnet on the back of it. I wrote a note explaining that I had ovarian cancer too and wished her well, leaving my email address. Tonight she contacted me. The owner of the car does not have ovarian cancer but her grandmother does. She was looking for information, practical day to day, how to get through, what to expect, etc. kind of information. I think I spent over an hour writing back. I also shared my phone number and told her that she or her grandmother were welcome to call anytime.

It feels really, REALLY good to be able to share something that might be helpful to someone else....of course you all know that already....but still....my heart feels really good. :)

Sweet dreams my friends,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 05:09 AM

you have a lot of wisdom to share, Michelle

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 08:57 AM

How lucky Jeremiah is to have a Mom so wise that she knows exactly what is important. I am not here often but I am with you in spirit.
Hugs, little one.
Auntie SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 12:56 PM

Noting our parish prayer list, Michelle, please know that from time to time, others there have also worked to overcome ovarian cancer, who want only prayer and privacy.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 05:55 PM

Thanks Sins and Sandra!!! The port accessing went well and it was nice to see some familiar faces at the clinic!! :)

And Susan, I have no idea what you are talking about but clearly everyone handles having cancer differently. I choose to share a good deal of it, if others aren't comfortable doing that, that's fine too.

It's been a good day. :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 06:13 PM

I'm just letting you know that there are folks around the parish to pray for, around now, that you would not know about because the name is mixed into the list without any details, that's all.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 06:41 PM

I don't ask people why they are on the prayer list.

There are loads of people with cancer who don't want to talk about it with anyone or other health issues for that matter. It's a personal decision for each person.

People know I have gone through chemo (some know what kind of cancer and others do not but only because they didn't ask) which was obvious from my oh so beautiful snow white bald head, lack of eyebrows, eyelashes etc...it was a visual thing. Otherwise, would they have none? Not unless they were family friends. I didn't make a point of going around in church announcing what my problem was. I did answer when asked though.

Anyway, I totally respect the privacy of anyone of the prayer list. If there is someone there with ovarian cancer and she wants to live quietly with it, that's her choice. I would have LOVED to talk to more women with ovarian cancer when I received my diagnosis but there is a certain hush-hush about gyn. cancers.....and there is a HUGE movement to remove the stigma and silence around it. In any case, it feels really good to know that there was a woman who wanted to talk about it, about what can help with the day to day survival of the ovarian chemo cocktail and that I was able to give her as much information as I could so that she might be able to have even the smallest bit of comfort where she didn't before. I would talk to anyone about it if they were searching for a soul who's been on the path and has a deep understanding of what it really means....if I was asked to.

I'm not sure what I'm saying is coming across clearly but it's the best I can do at the moment.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 06:48 PM

Very well put, Michelle, and you are to be admired for being so willing to share what you have been through in an effort to ease someone else's path through similar circumstances.

I have often thought of writing a small pamphlet for surgeons/docs to pass out to women facing open heart surgery, things they don't think to tell the patient because women are in the minority when it comes to that kind of surgery. The psychologist and a couple of other docs have told me they think it would be a great help. With your example, I may be ready to do just that.

Proud to *know* you and glad today went well,

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 07:05 PM

Lily, as one still in possession of her ovaries, I view you are both a hero and a wealth of information. I sincerely hope I never have to ask for your help. I also hope that if someone could use that help, embarrassment is the last reason for not coming to you. I appreciate privacy. When things are at their worst I rarely share. Just crawl into a shell and stick it out. Each of us deals with our troubles differently.Your ability to be so open with every aspect of your illness has been a gift to the rest of us.Your ability to get on with your life with a husband and new baby is astonishing.
Write that book. I suspect that more than one woman will be grateful for it.
SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: jacqui.c
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 07:59 PM

What SINSULL said.

Michelle - as always, I take my hat off to you. You are amazing.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 08:17 PM

Michelle, it was just a prayer request, with a heads-up that others in the parish have been and/or are dealing with the same thing as you.

My last word on this,

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 08:35 PM

Good! Bout time.

If any of you is interested in the pink book (wish I'd known about teal when I bound it) that Michelle has, if you set this thread to open completely and then toggle "printer friendly," you'll see that it is immense. That's what I printed out. I did and at the time it was about 225 sheets printed double-sided. This is a huge resource if someone outside of Mudcat decides they need to know how the process worked for at least one person.

Turns out there is a family history of ovarian cancer, my mother's sister developed it in old age. She died of emphysema, and was so ill when it was discovered that they didn't treat it. So having the ovaries removed with the other form of cancer may have been a blessing in disguise.

I almost posted earlier, but hesitated to get mushy. I'll just point out now that this family is going to have one heck of a holiday season, when they start looking at all of the things they have to be thankful for. ;-D

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 08:31 AM

It is amazing to think where we all were a year ago.

Today I received a "Best Scary Face" picture from a Catter whose grandson knew that I wasn't feeling my best. I printed it and hung it on my cubicle to the amusement of all. Kind of Bela Lugosi does Children of the Damned.

Can't wait until Jeremiah is offering his image for the mix. This one will be added to the fridge.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 06:17 PM

Village of the Damned - sorry.
I think we should start a contest to give Jeremiah a Mudcat name. He can change it if he doesn't like it. Everyone else does.
So, how about J-Boy? LOL
Auntie SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 07:26 PM

How about something unique and subtle, like Lagniappe. It's a small gift (often from a merchant to a customer, but it can also simply mean an unexpected gift.)

Pronounced Lan-Yap. It's French. We'd all have to remember how to spell it, though. :)

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 04:09 PM

I'm partial to JT WiggleWorm. :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 06:51 PM

LOL Lily - he will outgrow that one too fast. When do we get to hear what LilyFestre means? Maybe we can work from there.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 08:29 PM

Morgan has been "Bubby" some of the time, since he was born.:-) Don't know why or which of us even started it, but so far he doesn't seem to mind.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 08:56 PM

Just so long as it doesn't deteriorate into Bubba.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 11:44 PM

NO! NEVER! LOL!

Sorry, Michelle, back to Wiggle Worm...or could it be Wiggles? Or, how about "Wiggly" in honour of Uncle Wiggly?. I have several of those books and loved them so much when I was a kid!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-MomOmy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 30 Sep 10 - 10:45 PM

Ok. Reality. I have something feeling off in my stomach...kinda feels like a ping pong ball in their. I can't physically feel it with my hands when I press down on my abdomen but I feel it in there. It's been there for maybe 2 weeks. It doesn't usually hurt. If it's still there on Monday, I'm calling the oncologist to see about having a scan done. Of course my absolute worst fear is that the cancer has spread. In my head I hear the numbers of my last test...they were GREAT. The doctors told me everything was fine. I've looked up the symptoms of pancreatic cancer and they don't match up with what I'm feeling. Good. Very good. I'm still waking up in the morning feeling like something bad is pulsating through my veins...it's an acutal physical feeling that I have to talk myself down from or out of every morning. I'm ok. My numbers are ok. Both oncologists wrote letters for me stating no evidence of disease (NED).
       Soooooooo...late at night when my brain has carried this line of thought too far, I freak out. I decided that if the worse case scenario would be to happen, I'd want my family to have things that I made for them out of love. Not stuff I bought but stuff I've made. So...during the last few sleepless nights I've been working on a scarf for my husband. He's been asking me for one since I learned to knit (maybe 2 years ago) and this year, he's going to have his scarf. I wish I knew how to knit more than a scarf but I don't so that is what he will get. I've been working on montages and photo albums as well. I plan to have everything put on DVD and also on flash drives that will be stored in my safety deposit box so my family will always have it. I know it's morbid but I can't help it. I don't think the cancer has spread (although I do worry about it) but on the same hand, if it has, I want something for my husband, child, mother and friend that they can hold close and remember me.
    I think about who might have to clean out my nightstand or go through the stuff on my side of the bed and have been keeping it cleaned up. Silly? Maybe. I hope so. I hope it is a totally useless exercise in keeping things neat and orderly.
    I suppose this is on my mind because it seems that when random people find out I have ovarian cancer they go on to tell me that they know someone with ovarian cancer and how it has spread to their pancreas, stomach, lungs, brain....you get the idea.   I wish they wouldn't share that kind of thing because it scares the snot out of me and fires up my imagination while my logical brain SCREAMS, THAT'S NOT YOU!! CANCER IS SO INDIVIDUAL. THAT SCENARIO IS NOT YOU. BREATHE. BREATHE. BREATHE.
    Today I found a very talented artist and have commissioned a family portrait painting. I want reminders here of the life we live together and the happiness that lives here in this house.
    No wonder I can't sleep at night on my own. My brain is like a runaway train with this.
    *Deep Breath*   I hear Bobert in the distance telling me I am going to be Queen of the 10,000 survivors.....I have every intention of proving him right.

XOXOXOXO

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 12:28 AM

You're not the only one with the late night fears, I assure you.

You are a survivor taking healthy action on behalf of your family. As long as you can also focus on this moment, this precious hour with husband, son, family and friends you will create workable balance. Blessings to you, Michelle.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 12:44 AM

Michelle, as a survivor of uterine cancer, I can tell you that you're not alone, and that as panicked as you might feel right now, your fears are probably unfounded. I'm also missing all of those parts, cervix, uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, and a few lymph nodes. I also have occasional aches or twinges, and wonder if maybe something has developed. So far, nothing.

Human bodies are remarkable things, but they have so many moving parts that you have to take a lot into account. I won't get indelicate here, but I will mention that if you were to run over to Sam's Club and pick up a $10 bottle of their Member's Mark Fiber Capsules and take 5 a day every day, that you might find some of these twinges you're worrying about go away. No matter how many veggies you eat, I think you'll find that as a supplement this makes a difference. It is harmless, it is good for you, and is pro-active. You can ask me how I know this. . . :)

Relax. Don't beat yourself up. Get enough exercise (accountability!) every day, and take some fiber to supplement your diet. See if that doesn't help some of what is bothering you.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 01:11 AM

Excellent advice, maeve and SRS.


{{{{Michelle}}}}}

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,Ebbie, housesitting
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 01:14 AM

{{{{Michelle})))

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 04:08 AM

You know exactly what you need to do, Michelle.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 11:36 AM

The thing is that I DON'T know what I need to do. The feeling is very much like what I imagine a deer in headlights feels like..where do I go? What happened?

I have been to the local dr. a few times with things that didn't feel right and she just looks at me and tells me things are fine. The Dr. that initally got the ball rolling in December with all the cancer stuff has retired and so I go to the same clinic but I'm not feeling it with this woman. She's very nice but I think because I've been two or three times and it turned up as nothing that she thinks I'm a hypocondriac or something. I hesitate to call her about this because I don't want to be that patient who becomes the one that they no longer believe. If you cry wolf too many times....you get the idea.

Pete reminds me that I have no idea of the incisions made beneath my giant scar, that there is likely some scar tissue, that the baby jumps on my belly sometimes, that Jeremiah does kick my belly sometimes, etc.

It just scares me and I really do NOT know what to do with it. I think the smartest thing would be to call the oncologist as I've told him before about belly pain and he always checks it without question or eye raising. My numbers were the best they've ever been at my last checkup. I practically begged to have them do my numbers once a month but was told that if something was to develop, it would not develop a horrible, untreatable something in the matter of 2 months. I have my doubts about that but my oncologists haven't been wrong about ANYTHING yet. They knew the day my hair would start coming out, they said cancer was *ho-hum* (I can't believe that ANY cancer is HO-HUM to anyone hearing that diagnosis) and my surgeon who was so skittish about saying if I would be ok finally did say not too long ago...you are going to be just fine. I trust this man beyond words and I just need to make peace with it somehow. Both of my oncologists say that the people who do the best are the ones who can say, yep...that was a bump in the road and they keep going. I try very hard to do that....but sometimes that's much harder than it sounds.   

In any case, I am getting myself and Jeremiah out of the house...sometimes that helps a great deal and we have some errands to run anyway.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 11:44 AM

I think the smartest thing would be to call the oncologist

And there it is right there-- you really do know what to do. You posted over and over during the chemo that you wanted us all to trust what our bodies are telling us. If that is what you think is the smartest thing to do, apparently you need also to trust your mind's answer to what you body is saying?

I know-- it does not FEEL like you know what to do-- that's normal for most of us!-- but under the fear and panic is the same very smart lady the rest of us know, made even wiser by the cancer experience.

~Susan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 01:10 PM

I think I read somewhere that it takes upwards of a year for all of the healing to finish after major surgery. The tissues are rejoined and all of that, but for the area to stabilize after my surgery, I am sure I went for quite a long time wondering about the tinges or aches I experienced.

On a different surgery, a bunion on my right foot a couple of years later, I remember being able to more closely observe the healing. The surgery area was smaller, it was where I could see it, I could tell how my foot felt and behaved, etc. Again, I'd say it took a year before it seemed healed, and I know it was at least that long before the ultimate test for me - that I could use that foot on a shovel to dig in my garden. Prior to that the foot ached if I tried that move.

You're just far enough past the surgery that it seems like everything should be back up to speed, but it isn't, and it won't be for several months yet. Be careful not to strain anything, etc.

Relax and let your body and your spirit heal. Your mileage may vary from what I've described, but it takes more time than you've given it so far. Give yourself a hug, give Pete and Jeremiah each a hug, and don't overdo with the canning.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 01:41 PM

{{{ HUGS }}} dear Michelle. Yes, call the oncologist- why wait? And take that baby out and savor every precious moment.

I'm not trivializing your very real anxiety when I offer you this a quote from a funny comedienne, Loretta Laroche:
Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery.
Today is a gift, that's why they call it the Present!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 04:28 PM

Five and a half years later, I still get twinges and sudden pains in my chest. The tissues they have to cut through are so deep, we are bound to feel stuff for quite awhile, as SRS says.

Until a year ago, this time, I didn't realise I was also suffering from PTSD; diagnosed by a psychologist/therapist. It's something most docs know about, but don't say anything about. Therapy really helped me to live with it until it lessened. Willingly putting our bodies within someone else's hands, literally, surrendering, if you will, completely, and not knowing if our lives will continue or to what extent they might continue, can have profound psychological effects on us. After checking with the oncologist, etc. you might ask them about therapy to help you through these episodes. Just a suggestion, as SRS said, YMMV.

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 06:06 PM

Hi Everybody,

Thank you for the suggestions. I have discussed the ongoing anxiety with my oncologist and he gave me a huge script for Xanax. That's all well and good but it also makes me REALLY tired and I can NOT function that way with the baby so I don't take it. He also said that at my next appointment (which is a month from today unless I call on Monday for something sooner), we can talk about seeing someone to help me deal with the anxiety. It's not ALL the time but when it hits, it's bad. My head knows that more than likely I am fine as that is what all the tests say and the doctors are telling me but there's a voice inside of me that lives primarily in my chest and gut that says....what if? And I am blessed with an imagination that loves to RUN. So....maybe talking with someone about PTSD is something that will help.

Maybe the fiber will help too. LOL.

I love you people!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Oct 10 - 07:16 PM

Drugs are the easy out for physicians to recommend, too easy, in my opinion (and the following is my opinion - based on growing up in a household of a psychiatric social worker practitioner.) And you do have an infant to care for, you can't be zonked.

Freud called psychotherapy "the talking cure" for a good reason - it is indeed a cure. The drugs aren't a cure, they defer the problem until later.

It has been said that talking to a good friend can be as therapeutic as counseling. Getting it off your chest, looking at it from different angles. I went into counselling a couple of times when I was college age, and before the divorce, and found it helped me to understand what I was feeling. It also gave me a process to work through things on my own. That residual effect of counselling is worth its weight in gold.

Whether you find a cancer survivor's support group, a new best friend, or a counselor, I hope you'll find something, and soon, so you don't have to go the drug route. You'll feel better in the long run.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 04:08 PM

I'm with you about the drugs. I only take the Xanax when I absolutely can't function due to panic and when Pete is home. I will NOT take it when I have Jeremiah here by myself. I don't like to take it at all, really. It doesn't ever fix what has caused my panic but rather allows my body to have a break....slows my heartbeat, steadies my breathing, makes me sleep....then when I wake up I get a second shot at dealing with whatever.

I have talked to someone locally but I think I'd like to make an appointment with someone who deals with cancer patients on a regular basis.....preferably someone who has had heard You Have Cancer themselves (not that I'd wish that on anybody...but my thinking is just that they might have a more clear understanding of the panic if they've been there themselves). I think this is part of the path....

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 07:12 PM

I haven't really followed this thread..are you having panic attacks? You also mentioned diabetes. You also mentioned bread machines and various high carb dishes..bad combination all the way around. If blood sugar becomes unstable the body will release adrenaline to force some changes and the adrenaline rush can be the panic attack. What makes blood sugar unstable? Carbs. If you are diabetic, you need to find a doctor who really understands carbohydrate metabolism in diabetics (and diabetes is a way of telling you that you do not metabolize them in high numbers) and good luck finding such a doctor because they are scarce and will keep telling you bad information. Read Dr. Rob Thompson of Seattle..has some books out for those with diabetes and metabolic syndrome. The informaton is out there..and shouted down by medical establishment. Also read Dr. Gerald Raven? of Sanford University Medical Center endocrinology. And have your insulin levels tested, notjust blood sugar..

So anyway, you have all this plus have been through cancer and of course are worried about things, plus a new baby. LThis all interacts wih stress, cortisol, adrenaline..add in PTSD from surgery etc..more stress..the s in ptsd stands for stress which stands for endocrine hormones..probably mainly cortisol and adrenaline but also insulin ...if you are taking insulin that is another factor...

So..I can not offer medical advice but I suspect part of this is a blood sugar problem and the absolute recommendation I would make is to quit eating bread period..does not matter if white, brown, whole wheat..has to do with not just denaturing but also of grinding and air surface etc. So read up and see if there is any reason int he world you should eat anythjing with white flour. I would cold turkey it. OK carbs for some are lentils, beans etc, buckwheat which is a herb they say..depends on body how much we can tolerate. My body tolerates basically zero and fights like crazy to keep weight on..

What stabiizes blood sugar? fats. I find bacon is a wonder drug for me. Depending on your ancestry, try it in salads tc..not with any carbs. If some people get carbs low enough even with high fat diet they can lose weight..and it gets harder as your body gets more damaged. It is way harder for me now to even maintain high weight but I stay off drugs at least. When I say carbs I mean carbs with calories, such as sugars and starches, and Dr. THompson, whom I go to, says starches are the worst because we evolved to handle a small amou8nt of sugars from fruit and honey, but we (at least Northern Euuopean we) did not evolve for grains as well, particuarl wheat, hence all sorts of problems with celiac disease, perhaps even schizophrenia etc. Meditteranean ancestry is different and can tolerate some wheat.

Well, that is my suggestion..you are probably going through a natural process of unstable blood sugar caused by high stress and doctors that encourage you to eat some standard diabetic diet that istoo high incarbs for your particular body, especially a body under great stress. So there is no reason to eat bread unless you are an active lumberjack so I would try giving that up totally and seeing if your blood sugar numbers don't get better,your medications drop (you must measure things carefully) and your panic attacks don't lessen. Eating right before bed..something with protein, fiber and fat, like celery sticks and cream cheese, can often help till morning, especially if you have nightmares, panic attacks at night etc. mg

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 09:22 PM

Duly noted. I'm not a big bread eater so no worries there. My husband, however, IS and wants homemade bread for his lunches....hence the breadmaker. I do eat some of it, maybe 1 or 2 slices per loaf. I do, however, love potatoes and fruit which is where most of my carbs come from. I am diabetic and they are indeed messing with my meds...never thought about the higher blood sugars and their involvement in where I'm at.

My anxiety comes from fear of the cancer spreading or coming back and the what ifs that follow that train.

I did have a lot of carbs today and really should reign that in. Arg. Thanks for the suggestions. :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 10:41 PM

I second the celery and cream cheese before bed. It's not that many WW points and is very satisfying, for me. About the only bread I eat is Ezekiel raisin bread, approved by the kidney specialist and a a slice or two of oat nut bread which is really tasty. I know my Rog needs to cut back on carbs and Susan Weed, in her Wise Woman Way books recommends cutting out ALL white foods, i.e. white flour, pasta, rice, potatoes, etc.

I am glad you are going to talk with someone. I don't think I'd be too strict about whether they have been through something similar, but more that they have effective experience in treating PTSD. Just my opinion, though, of course.

Oh, and I understand not wanting to take xanax with the baby and all. I do still take one at night...my own reasons..I am being patient with myself...sometimes that's the hardest thing of all!:-)

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 10:58 PM

I'm not much of a night time snacker as my husband gets home late and we have a late dinner.

I did go to talk to someone at a nearby cancer center (closer than where I travel to) and she just kind of sat there and looked at me. No suggestions were given other than to try and take things a day at a time, to find a support group and to try journaling. I already do those things. She was a very kind woman but not at all helpful. I don't know what I expect....well...yes I do. I want some answers. I want to make the anxiety and cancer disappear forever. I want to know that I'm going to be ok. And no one can give me those answers. No one.

Anyway. I am sick of hearing this stuff in my own head...can't imagine what you all must be thinking. It will be fine. I will be fine.

Got to see a friend this evening who has had cancer and lost his hair before I did and has his normal hair back now. After church, I grabbed a hold of him and took off my chemo cap (my head was cold tonight...had the hat on most of the day) and said, "Hey Lou.....I've ALMOST got more hair than you!" He smiled a big hug and ran his hands through my hair commenting on soft it is.

:) Thanks Buddy. I needed that. I needed that familiar knowing smile tonight.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Oct 10 - 11:07 PM

Great advice, Mary. Thanks for posting citations (names of authors). I suspect it will help more than just Michelle.

Michelle, you just illustrated how close you still are to this with your remark about seeing your friend in church. You still have short hair, you're still really close to the process. I'm sure all of this will relax as time passes. Hugs, kiddo, and get a good night's sleep.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 08:38 AM

Dear Michelle

I know you are anxious about your health. Completely understandable given what you have been through. Hope you are also looking into ways of managing the anxiety as it is an unhealthy stress.

I am not not advocating complacency re how your body feels. Do all you can to define and treat the causes of pain. Just pay special attention to avoiding the worry about the pain.

I know it is very difficult. Recommending that you immerse yourself in activity is pointless, as it is clear from your posts that you do keep yourself extraordinarily busy. Having a little one about the house is certain to help with that.

Maybe try to keep your focus completely in the moment when you are busy, rather than letting the niggling worries grow into a black hole that sucks up everything in your life at the present moment.

Rereading this post makes me feel a bit too preachy naggy.... but it is sent with much love and concern to the Michelle you need to be. The person you are for yourself and those who love and need you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,Ebbie, housesitting
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 11:27 AM

Might it help if you went back to the beginning of this thread and followed the journey from Day One? If you haven't cut and pasted them,before, creating a document chock full of symptoms and outcomes, hints, tears and laughs and hugs and sadnesses and happinesses, laments and gratitudes, at the very least will change your mood and mindset and might just re-charge your batteries.

{{{{hug}}}

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: mg
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 03:34 PM

Read up on a German doctor..Johanna Budwig I think...who treated cancer patients with a mixture of something similar to cottage cheese mixed with flax oil..I imagine you could add a few low-carb berries...anyway, something to do with sulpher bonds and she has great results. It couldn't hurt..probably won't taste great but not awful either with a bit of fruit or chives or something and would be healthy regardless..would give you something else proactive to do against any recurrance. mg

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 03:59 PM

Yum. My acupuncturist advised me to have cottage cheese mixed with plain yoghurt and some fresh or frozen, unsweetened blueberries. It was really good, but too much protein for me, except for once in awhile.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 09:00 PM

Please watch and check this site out:
Georgia Ovarian Cancer Alliance

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Oct 10 - 11:26 PM

Whatever this weird thing going on in my gut is, it's still going on. I'll be calling my surgeon (to talk to the nurse about the possibility of this being healing underneath the skin) and my oncologist. It's just too scarey to NOT call. I am NOT messing with this.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Little Robyn
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 04:10 AM

It could be scar tissue - did you have a drain near there?
I still have a lump under my arm near where the drain was.
They tell me it will go away - eventually.
I still get twitches and aches from around the scar that used to be my left boob but it's beginning to settle down and most of the time I can just forget about it.
Soon it will just be a bad dream!
XOXOXO
Robyn

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 05:01 PM

I finally got to talk to my surgeon's head nurse...she said she'd talk to him and call me back tomorrow....however, she called talked to him and called me back maybe 20 minutes ago. From my description, she says he is not overly concerned, especially because my last CA-125 was well within limits but that if I wanted to come in, he'd gladly see me. I have an appointment with him first thing next week and he said he'd feel around and check out my belly. I love this man and trust him implictly. I feel better knowing he isn't concerned and will feel MUCH better after he's had a chance to look and feel around. They think that it's probably adhesions and food moving through is irritating it. That, I can live with.

I also feel better knowing that I have an appointment to have this looked at.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 08:58 PM

good news

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 09:57 PM

I also feel better knowing that I have an appointment to have this looked at.

This is a hot clue that the anxiety is connected (TBTG) through your thinking-brain center-- that doing what your best thinking says is needful is actually helping to reduce the anxiety.

If you still decide to talk with a counselor, that will be an important clue to share, when it comes to planning strategies to reduce the anxiety-- and lucky you! It's a very good thing.

It is also a very strong indicator that trusting yourself (and IMO your Lord) is a very practical and reliable thing to do. :~)


This means that the next time you feel like you do not know what to do, you might find it helpful to remind yourself that a feeling, however strong, is not as reliable as your own best thinking... that your best thinking does eventually make itself clear... and that when it IS clear, it is good to act upon it... and that when you do, it helps.


It's all related to that little trick I taught you during the worst of the V-stress-- the mindful decision to put your attention on a particular place of positivity to move away from the confusion caused by pain? At the time, you implemented that by starting the wonderful "Today is a good day because..." thread. And it worked very well for you during a really bad time. It was the act of a strong, wise woman-- you.

Trust THAT woman, who is even stronger and wiser now, and you cannot go wrong.

~Susan

CC: Cn CS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 12:54 AM

iF YOU FEEL ILL AND ARE NOT SURE IT IS WITHIN ACCEPTABLE "NORMAL" LIMITS, RUN DON'T WALK TO YOUR DOCTOR BOTH FOR AN EXPERT OPINION AND SOME REASSURANCE.
dAMN cAPSLOCK!
aLICE IS ON THE KEYBOARD AGAIN.
bY THE WAY, lILY, IF HE OFFERS YOUY SOME aMBIEN, i WILL TAKE IT. tHE OLDER THE BATCH, THE BETTER.
mUCH LOVE.
sins, BACK FROM THE gETAWAY.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Oct 10 - 09:01 PM

I went to see my surgical oncologist today and I left with good news. :) My bloodwork from last time looks good and my exam went well. He did tell me that it's possible I would have some strange pains from the surgery as my insides have been rearranged. If I'm still feeling this at my next appointment, he said they might consider a scan but at this point he doesn't think it's necessary.

:) HOORAY!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Oct 10 - 09:12 PM

Yippee!!!

Now, quite fretting, okay?:-)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Oct 10 - 09:18 PM

How do you spell "cancer survivor"???

Great new news, Michelle...

"Hey" to the little guy...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Oct 10 - 01:11 AM

definitely good news

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Oct 10 - 01:39 PM

These updates are wonderful and life-affirming. I suspect you have a lot of readers who never make a peep, who have benefited from all of this. So the continuing news adds to the richness of the thread. Thanks!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 11:36 AM

Tomorrow I'm off to visit my chemotherapy oncologist, have my port accessed and flushed and to discusss a few side effects I've been experiencing. I'll also find out (the following day) what my CA-125 is. I am praying for low numbers.

Anxiety level is pretty high today.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: wysiwyg
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 11:41 AM

It's not based in reality. The reality is in Jeremiah's eyes. (Stay there.)

~S~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 12:44 PM

distraction from anxiety then... what trick or treat plans have you? staying in a greeting the kiddies? dressing up and going out?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 01:27 PM

VT,

   Actually, I've been cleaning. Reading when the baby is sleeping and now that he is awake, he is having a bottle after playing in his crib while I rearranged the nursery and packed up more clothes that no longer fit. I also found a stash of larger winter things that I had tucked away and forgotten about...good thing because I am in need of winter jammies for my boy (he has sleep bags but those are kinda miserable to play in or snuggle in before bedtime as he can't move his legs about as he'd like.
    His little Halloween costume hangs upstairs in his room and we had had plans of going out last night (parade and to visit Nana and a few friends in his costume) but it was cold and he's had a little cough so we decided to stay in.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 03:55 PM

Perhaps dressing him in his costume and answering the door with him a couple of times so he can see the kids in costumes would be fun. He'll take a reading from you, so if you're happy at the door, I think he'll enjoy the activity. You might vet the traffic through a window, not scare him with the zombie traffic, etc. I wouldn't do it for long, he'll get tired, but for his first Halloween it would be nice to dress up and be seen! When my kids were little, up until probably about four years old, they only trick or treated to a few family friends right there in the neighborhood, and they were finished.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 07:28 PM

we need a pic of Jeremiah in his suit! (please)

sending wishes for good readings & a bit of halloween fun.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 08:04 PM

Well, I've worked myself silly physically today and even did some yoga in the middle of my kitchen. I wore myself out and that is a good thing....helps to ease the anxiety.

My nearest neighbors are sheep so unless they are dressing up and looking for candy, we won't have any trick or treaters up here on the mountain (although I have been surprised by a few students some years).

Since Jeremiah's costume goes over his clothes, I am thinking about dressing him up to meet up with my mom tomorrow so she can see him in it. I'll be taking pictures for sure....the camera battery is charging as I type. I may post a few photos but I've been working on a very large montage and maybe I'll just include the photos there. Should I tell you what he's going to be for the day after Halloween? Nah...let's let it be a surprise. Depending on the day, I may take him into the clinic all dressed up. It's an amazing thing to see how people waiting for chemo or to have their ports accessed perk up at the site of a smiling baby....you can't help but smile back...it's contagious. :) And in turn, that makes my heart happy.

I normally take my oncologists fresh eggs but my hens are really troubled with all the gas drilling activity going on and are not laying as often as they had been so this time I am taking homemade applesauce, dilly green beans a few cookies that just came out of the oven...an odd combination but one that I know he will love anyway. :) My chemo oncologist is a homesteader wanna be...love him. And another thing...with ALL the people he sees (and there are A LOT), he KNOWS me. He REMEBERS me. Where most of the time a nurse will come to the very large waiting room and call a name, waiting for that patient to get up and go into the offices in the back, my doctor comes to the door, looks around, points to me and wiggles his finger. He KNOWS who he is looking for and I love that I am not a number in his book. :)

In addition to working myself silly, I took a Xanax. My husband is home to tend to the wee one (besides, it's just about bedtime) and there is no need for me to have this panicky feeling if I don't have to...that is why I have the meds in the first place. :)

Thanks for all the PMs.....you guys are the best. <3

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 08:52 PM

I received an early morning phone call from the clinic that my doctor was sick and not coming in today so my appointment has been rescheduled for tomorrow.


Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 09:01 PM

Thanks, Michelle. Sail on!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 09:02 PM

Good luck with it.

My dentist seems kind of like your oncologist. For last week's appointment I took him a big eggplant that I picked right before I left the house.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 11:00 PM

Good health practitioners are treasures.

I never warmed to the specialist who didn't read my notes before delivering the basic 'Don't Do' list of his speciality/my condition each time I saw him. Had he read my notes he would have realised almost all of those Don't's were things I already didn't do & in some cases had never done.

I also didn't appreciate him telling my Dr that he knew I wouldn't follow his (useless in my physio's opinion) advice so I could come back & get his next suggestion (ie pay for another appointment!) So I never went back & kept following my physio's advice & life is good.

My cancer surgeon has a very good surgery/bedside manner. He laughs & jokes & I trust him. I've never thought of feeding him - tho I could probably pull a blossom off one of my flowering plants when I see him next week. Or give it to his receptionist.

sandra (eagerly awaiting the pics)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 04:32 PM

My appointment went well. My favorite nurse was working in the lab today so she accessed my port (and she's SO good at it...both getting that giant fish hook needle in AND out...sometimes the out part is VERY ouchie) and they drew 8 or 9 vials of blood. I try not to watch (there is a window conveniently by the chair so I stare out at all the cars and a big white house on the hill) and she is really good about distracting me with conversation while it's all going on. She gives me smiles, conversation and hugs...how can I not love her?

So. Then it was on to the oncologist. My CBC counts were good and I can FINALLY (it's been since last December) shave my legs and arm pits!!!! I'm SURE that's what you ALL wanted to hear but seriously, I am excited about that!! I swear I can feel the hair on my legs blow in the breeze sometimes!!!! I can also go back to vitamins and fish oil! Some of the side effects are just going to be for now as the chemo continues to work it's way out of my body (last chemo was in June!). He said things look good but the final word will be the number read-out which will come sometime tomorrow and he promised to call with it.

I asked about a number of things and it turns out that it was smart of me to see my surgical oncologist a few weeks back because I had ongoing pain in my abdomen for more than 5 days. YAY. I asked about symptoms of recurrance or things to note and call them about and will make a list of it so I don't forget or when I get nervous, I can look at it to remember. Ongoing abdominal or pelvic pain that is persistant for more than 5 days. Bloating. Bleeding of any kind. Involuntary weight loss. Lack of appetite. Of course, these are also the symptoms of ovarian cancer (just in case you didn't know).

The clinic usually has some kind of fund raiser going on. Today they were selling beautiful pink Longaberger bags (cloth) that are for breast cancer awareness..they are pink and have really a lovely design on them. I purchased 3 to share with friends who are currently going through treatment for breast cancer. The color for ovarian cancer is teal...so today I wore my teal ribbon (metal) pin and donned 4 teal strings of mardi gras beads! The nurses loved it and it made me feel that ovarian cancer was being represented in the building too (although now that October is over, breast cancer awareness has changed to lung and pancreatic cancers). I love that breast cancer awareness is HUGE and money is pouring in for research but let us be aware and ever mindful that breast cancer is only ONE of MANY kinds of cancer and they ALL need funding for research!!!

Anyway...like I said, my results are due tomorrow.

Thanks to all of you who listen and offer support....that is so incredibly important!!!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 09:36 PM

I'm glad you are one member of such a supportive and joyful medical team, Michelle. It makes such a difference to each partner in the battle!

Maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 11:40 AM

CA-125 Levels (Tumor marker) has dropped from 14.8 to 14.6!!!!!

This is wonderful news!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 04:44 PM

Yes!! Yes!!!! Yes!!!

Congratulations!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 05:10 PM

That's wonderful news Michelle. Thanks for letting us share the good news.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 04 Nov 10 - 09:52 AM

Oh, simply marvelous! Hooray, hooray!
(I'm here, just very busy!)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 04 Nov 10 - 05:33 PM

adding my cheers to the chorus

hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 04:45 PM

Today a friend emailed me about another friend who has recently been diangnosed with ovarian cancer. She sent me contact information (with the woman's permission) and I spent an hour and a half on the phone answering questions and sharing. It felt really, REALLY good to be able to be of some help and to pay it forward a bit.

Also, I met a woman at yoga last night (it was her first time there) and I was wearing one of my Survivor t-shirts which opened up a conversation about cancer in her family. We talked to freely and openly that my yoga teacher came over and asked if we knew one another...we laughed and said no. It was one of those instant connections and a knowingness that a new friend has been found. Bonus? She lives maybe 3 miles from my house. :)

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 05:40 PM

Five or six years ago my boss' wife found a lump, and she called him at work to tell him the biopsy came back breast cancer. He went home for a few hours, and when he returned he looked shell shocked. I didn't have breast cancer, mine was a uterine form, but I think he was feeling so adrift when the diagnosis first hit that it was a huge boost to his morale when I stopped in his office to ask how things were.

"You had cancer!" he stated, and realized of course, there were several of us in the library, all walking around to talk about it. And our library family of cancer survivors, just being there, was a big help to them, I think. He looked so much better just to have had a cancer survivor come by and provide the clear evidence that it isn't a death sentence. That phone call you made was probably critically important for your friend's friend.

Keep up the good work, Michelle!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Nov 10 - 05:49 PM

I'll second that!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Nov 10 - 11:11 AM

I never in a million years would have thought I'd say that having cancer comes with certain gifts, but it does. One of the biggest gifts for me has been meeting and getting to know Tracy. You've seen me write about her before. The weekend before last, she stood with my family as Jeremiah's Godmother.....she means so very much to me and I am thankful for her on a daily basis.

This morning she called me with some test results that require action and soon. She isn't sure she wants to follow through with those actions and she knows (and has shared) the consequences of waiting or not acting at all. She called me from outside in the rain to ask what I would do. She didn't call her family. She didn't call her pastor, she called ME because (she said) I understand. We talked about what each choice would mean and possible outcomes. The doctors were wanting her to sign a consent for surgery and she didn't know what to do. I told her that if it were me, I'd sign the papers, go home and enjoy Thanksgiving with my family and THINK about it. It is HER choice and she can always cancel if she decides that is the road she wants to take. She said she hadn't thought of that and quickly hung up the phone to go sign papers.

I totally respect her and whatever her choice may be...both are difficult and my heart is aching for her today.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Nov 10 - 11:31 AM

Even without practicing a religion, one can always understand the sentiment "there but for the grace of god go I."

I think this is an example of how we can heap guilt, through sadness, upon ourselves. This news opens an opportunity where you can offer a huge amount of help, but don't forget to protect your heart just a little. Here's wishing the best of luck to Tracy, and take care of yourself in the process, Michelle. The weight of the world is to big for one person.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Nov 10 - 12:00 PM

Yeah....I know. You are right. I'm not feeling guilty or trying to fix anything....I'm just wanting to hug my friend, cry on her shoulder while she cries on mine.

I told her today that I have her Christmas gifts already (neener neener...I said that too) and her response was to not wait until I have to put flowers on her grave.

*Pause*

Perhaps Santa will arrive at Tracy's house a little sooner than she expects.

Cancer sucks. Cancer sucks. Cancer sucks. Cancer sucks. Cancer sucks. CANCER SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS.

*rant over for now*

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Nov 10 - 04:47 PM

Yes, cancer sucks... Glad yer out there for these folks, Michelle... It means alot to them...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Nov 10 - 05:06 PM

Bobert,

   I remember well how much it meant to me to be able to talk to someone or write and read a response. I'm not sure I'd have made it through without it.

Seriously.

The least I can do is listen. She called again today, by the way and said thank you for being (kind &) firm with her (as she has been with me when I'm a disaster area). She did sign the surgery papers and was happy to be reminded that it is her body and that she has choices.

A plan is in the works for them to come over for a BBQ and a night of Scrabble, cards, a movie or just mindless (or maybe not so mindless) chatter. She is delighted.

Me too. :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Nov 10 - 10:35 PM

You learned from other "wise women" on the same journey and now, as we all knew, you are your own wise woman and passing that gift on to others. What SRS and Bobert both say are important, as you know. The other is to protect yourself from the fear, too. It can so easily come to the heart and mind when we empathise so well, esp. with someone who is going through what we've been through ourselves. It is all too easy to imagine ourselves in their shoes. Just remember, fear is not helpful for anyone. You are here, well and capable. Yes, it is very sad and there will be tough times to get through in helping your friend, but you are here, well, and have a strength born of courage through adversity and we all love you.:-)

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Nov 10 - 06:04 AM

I can't add anything to what Kat, Stilly & Bobert have said

love from sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Dec 10 - 01:36 PM

Some time spent with you and the baby is probably just what she needs. Enjoy your time together, Lily.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Dec 10 - 05:21 PM

Tracy came through the surgery with flying colors (after being told she had a 37% chance of survival...who comes up with these numbers?!?!?) and not only that but both tumors look to be benign!!! Pathology still has to come back but the surgeon says all looks GREAT! HOORAY!!!

As for me, I spent today watching ovarian cancer videos....survivors and stories of those who didn't survive. I don't know why I needed to do that today....I just did. It's been a year since the beginning of my journey....maybe that's why I needed to watch and remember....and to think of all the gifts I found along the way. Who knew?

I am feeling very blessed at the moment.

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Dec 10 - 09:18 PM

Revisiting the old grief and fear is how we evaluate where we are. I used to pay attention to the anniversary of the surgeries after my diagnosis, but it has been 10 years. I do still tell people how old I am when they ask, and mention my birthday - I'm glad to be around still to celebrate them.

I'm so glad your friend has come through her surgery so well - I'm sure your presence helped her a lot.

SRS

-----------This thread has been closed due to persistent spamming. Contact Joe Offer if you need it reopened - or start a fresh one. JoeClone---------

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 10 Jan 11 - 06:20 PM

refresh

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Jan 11 - 09:52 PM

Time for an update!

Tomorrow is my 6 month checkup! I'll have my port flushed, bloodwork done and a visit with my oncologist.

Things have been going fairly well except last week I found a lump. Need I say more? Of course it freaked me out. It's visible which is unusual. I had it checked out today by a local doctor who thinks it is a retentive cyst. Benign. I hope she's right! I have a mammogram scheduled for later this month on the same day I have a checkup with my surgeon. The appointment was made last month before this popped up. Good timing. :)

My hair is really growing! It's darker than it was before...currently a light to medium brown, kinda curly in the back and wavy in the front/sides. And thick!!!!

Jeremiah is now 10 months old, crawling forward and can pull himself up to the standing position. We are teaching him basic signs. So far he has mastered the sign for more. He sometimes will do the sign for fan and hello. Still no teeth. I love our little boy more than words will ever express and so thankful for him. Pete is an incredible daddy too!!!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Jan 11 - 03:22 AM

Michelle, my daughter's twins were still toothless at almost a year. Her doctor assured her that he'd never heard of a kid who remained so.

At age 20 they have the normal complement.

Oh- I just remembered: their sister, two years younger than they, got little or no hair for the longest time. When she finally got some fuzz that hung over her collar in a mullet-like effect her brother took his safety shears and cut her hair. :)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 Jan 11 - 04:08 AM

has brother progressed into the hairdressing field?

thanks for the update, Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Jan 11 - 04:26 PM

6 Months!!!

Guess what, Michelle... in 9 1/2 years you'll be celebrating 10 years of cancer free life...

Hey to the little guy, fir me...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 11 Jan 11 - 06:16 PM

We're home from the hospital. The port flush went well...love that nurse! Everything looks exceptionally good from the tests that were returned quickly. The tumor marker test result will not be in until tomorrow.

And Bobert? LOL. I love you man!

PS. The doctor told me that my anniversary date is from the date of the surgery, not the end of chemo so my 1 year anniversary is coming up with weekend!!! I'm going to start a tradition for that day....not sure just what that will be but I'm sure I'll think of something!!!!

PSS. I have more hair than my doctor now!   ;)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 11 Jan 11 - 06:33 PM

Sounds good, Michelle. I'm keeping track even when I don't post.

Maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Jan 11 - 08:20 PM

Great news all around, Michelle!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: mouldy
Date: 12 Jan 11 - 02:41 AM

Well done and congrats!

Andrea

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 Jan 11 - 10:00 AM

yah!

love & hugs from sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Jan 11 - 01:03 PM

The test results are in! My CA-125 (tumor marker) test result is the lowest it's ever been: 12.4!!!!   HOORAY!!! ****HAPPY DANCE****

Also...that lump has been taken care of! YAY!!!!! :)

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 12 Jan 11 - 01:05 PM

That's wonderful news, Michelle.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: mouldy
Date: 12 Jan 11 - 01:07 PM

Woop! Woop!

Andrea x

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Little Robyn
Date: 12 Jan 11 - 02:00 PM

Wonderful.
Here's to a much happier and healthier new year.
Robyn, (also clear).

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Jan 11 - 02:08 PM

YAY Robyn!!!!!

   A healthier new year to you too!!!!! *High Five*

:) Much love,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: mouldy
Date: 13 Jan 11 - 02:39 AM

Well done too, Robyn!

The pair of you are a shining example of what happens more often than we hear about: early detection + medical science + positive energy = good outcome!

Andrea

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Jan 11 - 10:47 PM

Today I celebrated being cancer-free for one year!!!! I wore my teal beads and tiara all day.....enjoying my family and giving thanks for my life.

Love to all who helped me through a very difficult year!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Jan 11 - 01:51 AM

we look forward to many more Teal Beads & Tiara Day observances!

love & hugs

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 01:19 PM

I got the most beautiful email this morning from Doug Barron, the CEO of the Georgia Ovarian Cancer Alliance. He wrote:
"I want to thank you for the past year. You and your journey with the ups and down being right there for everybody to see has taken such strength and courage. Documenting your treatment has brought an honest insight to the reality that a lot of people never see. And you are smiling in 95% of the pictures, what's up with that? Your never give up though out the process and your commitment is so evident with your following through after your diagnose with Jeremiah. "I have just had major surgery, gone through chemo, and now I am going to be a new mother, okay bring it on". I think you have passed John Wayne on my hero list and he is really close to the top. Congratulations, I am so proud and happy for you and your beautiful family. Mazel Tov"

Sometimes it feels like my cancer adventure was a lifetime ago and sometimes, well, it feels like yesterday. Just when I think I'm going along ok (and really I am), something beautiful and full of love appears and I can't help but just sit and cry. I sure don't feel very strong or that I have courage but it does make me feel really good to know that maybe I've helped someone along the way. GOCA does trainings with oncology students, holds large fundraisers (galas, a walk, stuff with the Atlanta Braves too) and I am very touched that the head of that organization remembers me and took the time to write this morning. :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 01:25 PM

That's a lovely letter, Michelle...and well deserved.

Maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 04:41 PM

Has he seen your videos, or read your Mudcat thread? That's a wonderful letter, it's nice to know that someone else sees the inspiration in this experience.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 10:03 PM

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bobert}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 10:42 PM

Maeve...........Thank you!!!!

SRS............One day I hope to meet Doug in person and will share my treasured pink book! He's seen the video and has asked permission to use it for his organization!

Bobert........((((((((Right back atcha my friend)))))))))))

:) Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 11:09 PM

You do have a unique tool for looking back at your experiences with this thread, online or on paper. You could extract portions of what you wrote and turn it into a book or essay or whatever. And I think you seriously ought to consider doing something with it.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 05:55 AM

I can hardly believe it but it's time for another check up. I stayed at the House of Care last night as my lab work is scheduled for very early today. Here's hoping and praying for good results.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 06:40 AM

fingers crossed & sending lots of love & hugs!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 09:15 AM

Standing by in Maine, Michelle,

Maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Mar 11 - 12:16 PM

Your cheering section is ready and willing! Keep your chin up!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 04:51 AM

refresh

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 07:10 AM

Checking in, Michelle.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 10:16 AM

I am so incredibly pleased to tell you that my bloodwork was excellent!!! They normally don't have the results back in the same day but yesterday was different!!!

My latest CA-125 is 10!!! My oncologist tells me that it probably will not drop much lower and that any flucuation up to the number 20 is nothing to be concerned with.

They did have some trouble getting my port to work properly...it didn't want to let go of my blood. It was easy enough to remedy (coughing hard) but makes me wonder if it's just getting old and soon will need to be removed. I'm keeping it until it they tell me it has to go for medical reasons.

I celebrated with a good piece of chocolate (a rare treat)!!!

Thanks for your ongoing support....it means so much!!!!

XOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXO

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 17 Mar 11 - 07:01 PM

Hooray for you, dear one! I haven't been around here much lately but it's great to see your good news!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 11:36 AM

happy dance!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 07:24 PM

Whoo-Hoo!!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 18 Mar 11 - 08:40 PM

Chocolate???

Just like a woman... lol...

Glad that things are movin' along... 'Bout time to ditch the port... Tell yer doc that ol' hillbilly says yer fine and to take the port out.... No, have him call me....

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Mar 11 - 02:20 AM

Michelle,

I have a friend here (my boss' wife) who held onto her port for a long time, for fear she'd need it again. They finally removed it last year, and I think she is now wishing she'd had it removed earlier. There was some damage that may have resulted from keeping it so long. She feels light-headed at times, because the jugular vein is blocked on one side now. It seems to be related to the port and chemo process.

If you can get over the fear (yes, please!) and have it removed, I think you'll find that you're more than fine without it.

Take care, and whateever you decide is fine. But this is just to say that someone in a similar situation gives permission to remove the darned thing. :)

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 Mar 11 - 04:21 PM

They have asked me about having the port taken out and I asked to keep it. As long as I have it flushed periodically, they told me it would be fine. I'm keeping it for 2 reasons...first, the obvious. Having the port put in was awful and I don't EVER want to have to repeat that. Second, I still have to go for bloodwork on a regular basis...not just for my CA-125 but for multitudes of other things as well. I've been told that my veins are very small (took 6 tries for my IV) so the port means only 1 stick and they can draw whatever they need easily and relatively pain free....beneficial for both parties. I will call and ask about having it in so long and if it will create any problems like you mentioned. To be honest, I've wondered about that myself but more along the lines of does your body adhere itself to the port? I've heard that it's not bad having it taken out and from others I've heard it's awful. More good stories than bad though.
    The only real reasons I'd like to have it removed are that Jeremiah insists on thumping on it (it's bumpy and sticks out a little bit...YOUCH) and there are some things in yoga I simply can not do because of the angle it moves my chest...other than that, I'm good with it. I can swim and kayak with it...so no problem there.

Bobert....you crack me up. I'll have my oncologists give you a call...they both have a great sense of humor!!! You tell 'em!!!

XOXOXOOXOXO to All!!!

Michelle, Queen of the Ten Thousand!!!!   ;)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 01:57 PM

I have been asked to be the speaker before the Survivor's Lap at Mansfield University's Relay for Life!!!! I am honored beyond words and a little nervous as I've never spoken in front of a large number of people. I'm working on what I should share and have added to my montage which we hopefully will be able to use (tech issues) as well. I always like visuals so hopefully everybody else will too. It's one thing to talk about chemotherapy and going bald but an entirely different to actually see what that means.

    Lots to think about and remember to get ready!!!!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: olddude
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 03:00 PM

Michelle
In my heart and thoughts and prayers always my dear friend
love you

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 05:24 PM

You be sure to tell 'um that ol' Bobert thinks bald womenz is sexy and also tell 'um that if they shave it off themselves before the chemo gets to it it really pisses the chemo off so it beats up the bad guys twice as hard!!!

I wish I could find the picture that Judy had done when she was bald... She went to one of them glamor-pics places... Real hot!!!

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 01:31 PM

I updated my montage to share at the MU Relay For Life. I thought I'd post it here too if anyone is interested!

Updated Montage

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 04:32 PM

Bless you, bless you, bless you beautiful woman. When I saw your curls I cried for joy.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 10:00 PM

re. speaking in public - ignore the "millions" watching you, look at one person or close your eyes & just see one woman with cancer - and say what you need to say that might help or inspire her.

you could wear your pink wig!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 10:13 PM

you could wear your pink wig! & all your hats & headcoverings -

what an inspiration you montage is! what an inspiration you are.

love from sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Apr 11 - 10:46 PM

Sandra,

I love my pink hair....it's so much fun!!!!! :)

Tonight I shared my *story* with well over 100 people. WOOOOO HOOOOO!!! It was an AMAZING experience!!!!!!!!

I LOVE THE RELAY FOR LIFE!!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 08 Apr 11 - 11:25 PM

Does Mudcat come into your talk? Just curious. . . we're a sort of ad hoc support group. :)

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Apr 11 - 10:05 AM

SRS....ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!

I shared about support and friendships made throughout my journey and you guys are a HUGE part of that!!!!   I can't begin to tell you how many times I read through this thread along the way!!!!

((((((((((((((((GROUP HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))

Wish you all could have been there!!!

I got an email from the director of the Relay For Life for Tioga and Bradford counties this mornig. She said that after I left, many of the students told her I was the best speaker they had heard in 4 years!!! WOOOO!!! Made my day!!! :) :) :)

The experience was definitely good for my soul!!!

Love to all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 09 Apr 11 - 10:47 AM

From the Relay For Life Director:

" You were amazing. Many students came up to me and said you were the best speaker they heard in the 4 years they have been here. I cannot thank you enough. Thank you"

From the American Cancer Society:

"Congratulations to the Mansfield University Relay for Life for surpassing their goal by $3000! Way to go!! And congrats to Michelle Lawrence for sharing her cancer story and giving what I heard was an amazing presentation!"

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Apr 11 - 11:16 AM

That's great news, that they wrote back to tell you how helpful your talk was. So often people forget to say thanks!

Actually, I figured you would mention Mudcat, but when it comes to the point of trying to describe this group and how our declutter threads shifted into a cancer thread - that alone could take a few minutes to try to articulate. :)

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Little Robyn
Date: 09 Apr 11 - 05:41 PM

(((((((((((((Go Michelle ))))))))))))
Robyn

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 10 Apr 11 - 07:02 AM

YAH!!!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 Apr 11 - 11:39 AM

Last time I went for a checkup, my port was clogged. YIKES. I had my port flushed on Friday and had a good blood return which means it's working as it's should! HOORAY!!!

I got to visit with some of my favorite nurses and ran into a friend from a local cancer support group who was getting her treatment. We made plans to schedule our appointments on the same days (if possible) so we can carpool. Nice!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Apr 11 - 11:48 PM

more good news.

keep up the good work.

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 18 Apr 11 - 08:12 PM

Just how long they gonna keep that port in, Michelle??? I mean, ain't it time for it to go???

But, as per usual, always great to hear that you are doing fine... Make my day...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 May 11 - 07:18 PM

A phone call today reminded me that I have an GYN/Oncology appointment on Friday. I knew it was coming up but thought it was next week. That's what I get for not writing it down.

I've been having pain on the left side of my abdomen (which is where the initial cyst was found) so I'm feeling a bit rattled. I'm hoping it's adhesion pain and nothing more.

I've also been reading about ovarian cancer and the lack of progress over the last 30 years. It's the only cancer that does not have an accurate diagnostic test. The average survival rate of an ovarian cancer survivor is said to be 10 years. I've reached the platinum level which means the carboplatinum drug seems to have worked for me. There are so many recurrences. I can't go there. I just can't. I won't. I won't. I WON'T.

"We [survivors] can't be consumed by ovarian cancer. We attend too many funerals. We have to do other things and be with other people."

I don't know who said it but I think this is true. For the most part, I do ok with it simmering in the background like a bad, hazy dream but then sometimes, like today, it's in the forefront of my brain. They have taken excellent care of me so far and I have no reason to believe that if there was a recurrence that they wouldn't continue to take excellent care of me. I still have my port because there are timelines as to when most recurrences happen (IF they happen) and I never want to have to have another port put in in my life. It's working just fine and doesn't bother me...it's my safety net. I know I could have treatment immediately, if need be. Sometimes when they access my port, they leave the tubing attached to my chest for just in case. I see the doctor and then they take it out afterwards.

I always take my doctors something seasonal (food wise but not sweets). You might remember I used to take them fresh eggs but my hens aren't laying like they used to. Any suggestions? Fresh rhubarb maybe? Chives? Asparagus?

Michelle who is trying to maintain a sense of calmness

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 May 11 - 02:44 AM

I still get pain where my cancer was removed 2 yrs ago - my surgeon isn't worried & my Dr & physio keep reminding me that traumatised muscles/nerves need time to heal. My scar is long & deep & yours is even longer & deeper. Some of the pain in my right groin area relates to a muscle in my lower back, some of it happens cos it is along the top of my leg, the bit that folds when I sit!

Pain comes from different causes & places so a pain near the original site could be caused by other things than a recurrance.

BIG HUGS & LOTSA' LOVE coming your way

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Little Robyn
Date: 11 May 11 - 02:52 AM

(((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))
Now breathe in slowly.........and out........

Robyn

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 Jun 11 - 09:22 PM

Time to have my tumor marker and port accessed again tomorrow.

*Deep breath*

Prayer said.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 19 Jun 11 - 09:25 PM

Light and love shining your way, dear one. All shall be well.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 19 Jun 11 - 09:38 PM

I missed this when you posted a week ago, Michelle.

For the hens, try an oatmeal mash with groats or rolled oats, yogurt, some apple cider vinegar, and hot water, no salt. You can add flax seed and/or sunflower seeds, too. Once a week or so is a good start.

For yourself, continue as you have begun. Remembere you have friends and family who love you, including a feisty young son. You're stuck with us, so you might as well look forward to years of joyous living.

Maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 19 Jun 11 - 09:49 PM

Exactly what maeve said, well...except I don't know beans about the hens.:-)

All is well, as Allison said.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 19 Jun 11 - 10:13 PM

Ol' hillbilly still here with as many prayers as it's gonna take to get you thru this, Michelle, and you will get thru this...

Lots of prayers, love and full confidence that you're fine and will just get finer...

Don't ask me how I know this but I know this...

Bobert

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 20 Jun 11 - 02:43 AM

adding my good wishes to the mix heading your way

also sending lotsa' love!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,Tinker
Date: 20 Jun 11 - 09:46 AM

Blessings and Light to follow you through the day .... sweet lullabies to drift in the night.....

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Jun 11 - 04:19 PM

I slept for an entire 25 minutes this morning before I had to leave for my appointments. My port wasn't cooperating but after a few big coughs and a good shove or two, it worked just fine.

It's 8 hours later and I'm waiting to hear the results. I keep telling myself that should something not be ok, they will take good care of me...just as they did the first time.

Thank you for all the prayers, good thoughts and encouragement....I very much appreciate it!!!

Love to Everybody,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Jun 11 - 04:48 AM

any results yet?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Jun 11 - 07:34 AM

No. :(

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 21 Jun 11 - 07:41 AM

You'll get them, Michelle. For now, will you play with the baby first, or go for a walk?

Maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Jun 11 - 06:45 PM

Maeve,

    I played with the baby of course!!!

My tumor marker test came back, slightly elevated but within range. It is the highest jump I've had but the oncologist says it's ok and to be expected. He's not worried so I'm not going to be either. They would like to test every 6 months but I prefer a little more often (just to ease my mind) and they are good with that.

I had some kidney tests as well....there's some cause for concern there but I won't know more until early July.

I am thrilled with the tumor marker test and am going to hold that close for a bit!!!

XOXOXOOX

Love to All,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Jun 11 - 07:26 PM

now you can get back to playing with Jerimiah!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 21 Jun 11 - 08:08 PM

Stick with me, baby...

Ol' Bobert will get get you old and gray... Just like me... LOL...

But seriously, Michelle... This is exactly what I expected... You are doing great and will continue to do so...

"Hey" to that little troublemaker (jus kiddin') youngin'... Well, kinda kiddin'... Wait another year... lol...

Love ya,

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: olddude
Date: 21 Jun 11 - 08:16 PM

Love you my friend, thank you from my heart for all that you have done for me and my wife ... you are wonderful

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jun 11 - 09:07 PM

Michelle, you need to make a trip over to North Carolina and swim with Jeremiah in Bobert's new pool!

Keep up the good work, keep up the healthy living, and enjoy the family. That's my Rx!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 21 Jun 11 - 09:48 PM

Michelle- Wise choice!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 22 Jun 11 - 10:20 AM

Well, so then it's just business as usual.
By that I mean, celebrate life, be grateful and joyful for each beautiful day, love that baby all up, and laugh a lot!

You're doing just fine.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 12:12 AM

September is National Ovarian Cancer Month. Tomorrow is Wear Teal Day as well. In addition, I have a checkup with my GYN Oncologist. I love him but the exam...well, not so much.

In honor of both Ovarian Cancer Month and Wear Teal Day, I'm going to wear my teal boa for my exam. Here's how it goes...the nurse checks me in....leaves me alone to undress and cover up with a sheet, the resident comes in and does a breast exam and then my GYN oncologist comes in and does the full check. And there I'll be in my sheet and boa....can't wait to see his face!!!

He has a great sense of humor so I'm actually looking forward to this visit!!! :)

Any good thoughts or prayers are always more than appreciated!!!

Love to you all.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 12:24 AM

Love that image, Michelle!! Good to have a doc with a sense of humour and who makes you feel comfortable enough to wear your boa.

Thanks givings for continued good health and calmness for you.

All is well,

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 04:21 AM

wishing you lots of fun & silliness on your life journey

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 11:58 AM

The boa is probably a better option than the sparkles and glitter in the old joke - woman heading to her exam doesn't have time for a shower so runs into the bathroom, pickes up a washcloth on the sink and gives the old three-point washup. Her doctor later comments that she didn't need to go to any great lengths for her exam. Back home her daughter is complaining what happened to the washcloth with all of her glitter. (It's a weak premise, but it still makes the rounds.)

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 02 Sep 11 - 12:04 PM

I'm there with ya', Michelle... Tell me when I need to leave the room... *g*...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 12:55 AM

I'll bet many of us would love to see a photo of you in that boa--and street clothes. Those sheets are so unflattering!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: olddude
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 09:09 AM

That will be great ... let us know how the doc reacts my friend

Love you
Dan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: saulgoldie
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 09:49 AM

All the best, Michelle.

Saul

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 11:29 AM

My oncologist laughed and laughed. He's such a good egg and I love him to bits! My report was EXCELLENT!!! YAY!!!!! He told me that I am the "Poster Child for Ovarian Cancer Survivorship!" Everything looks good, feels good and my heart sounds great!!!

HOORAY!!!!!


Love to all!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 04:16 PM

YEE-HAW!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Little Robyn
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 09:38 PM

Hooray!
Luv,
Robyn

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 03 Sep 11 - 11:12 PM

Wonderful news!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 04 Sep 11 - 02:30 AM

yah

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 13 Sep 11 - 11:09 PM

Next week I will have my port flushed, labs done and a visit with my (chemo) oncologist. Early the next morning I have another appointment. Since the hospital is about 2 hours away, I have decided to stay at the House of Care overnight. I made my reservation and this evening the woman that runs the HOC wrote that she will invite some friends over and make the giant living room (complete with a gorgeous fireplace) into a yoga studio just for me!!!!!!   YAY!!!   How cool is that?

I can honestly say that I never thought I'd be excited to stay at a place for cancer patients!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Sep 11 - 11:23 PM

You just make sure you are ok. that hurts getting that thing out for a day or two ... I love you and if you need anything you just email me ok

in my prayers Michelle
have fun partying also

Dan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: olddude
Date: 13 Sep 11 - 11:26 PM

guest was me sorry

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Sep 11 - 03:32 AM

happy yoga-ing! & best wishes for your treatment & results

love from sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Sep 11 - 08:56 AM

Sounds great, Michelle... I'll do a little "support" yoga here in NC fir ya'...

How long doc want to keep that port in??? Until yer 100??? He's keepin' it in just so he can get to see you every 6 months... Tell him to take the danged thing out and give him your address so he can come visit...

B;~)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Sep 11 - 09:04 AM

I have a friend who was reluctant to get her port out for a while also. She finally did it about 18 months ago and in hindsight knows she could have done it earlier.

Have a good visit, Michelle, and enjoy the Yoga!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Sep 11 - 10:11 AM

Hi Guys!!!

   Thanks for all your continued support!!!! :) :) :)

I talked to my surgeon about 2 weeks ago about the port and he said I can keep it for my security blanket if I want. However, it has been clogged the last two times we tried to do a blood return. He said as long as they can flush the Heparin through, it would work, if God forbid, I would need chemo. I asked him if it was an easier procedure getting it out than putting it in and he said it was. I asked if that meant it was easier for the patient or the doctor. He smiled and said, "Both." He said he could take it out himself (Interventional Radiology put it in). I told him I wanted to be asleep when he removed it and he said that he could do that!!! YAY!!!!!! Having it put in was AWFUL!!! So....with that said, I am considering having it taken out. One drawback is that I won't be able to lift my baby for a week or two.

The woman that went through all the same surgery and chemo with me is going to have hers out in October and we have talked about having ours taken out at the same time since we did everything else together. I think that would make it easier.

I have to have my port accessed again next week and if it's clogged up again, I'm seriously going to consider having it taken out.

And Bobert, I'm going to be seeing my GYN/Oncologist for the rest of my life. He's my pal. I could do without the exam but always love seeing him. He hugs me, we laugh, talk about chickens (he talks about the darndest things during that exam) and is serious when I have questions. He's perfect. :)

And Dan....ask your beautiful wife to describe the removal of her port in one word....let me know what she says!

And anyone who wants to join our yoga party next Tuesday night...COME!!! That would be so much fun!!!!

XOXOOXOX

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 14 Sep 11 - 11:14 PM

Whatever you decide to do about the port, you know you have friends here wishing you the best.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Sep 11 - 11:20 PM

Michelle, I think you're able to read from your body what IT thinks about the port. Excess baggage. And I think having a companion going through the same time is great, if you both decide to wait till October. I bet you can work with Jeremiah enough now that he'll understand when you can't pick him up - make it a game for him to climb into your lap or do something that helps him get the cuddles he needs without hurting your surgery site.

Sounds like you have it all under control. Keep us filled in as you're comfortable with it!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 10:10 PM

It's time for another check up. This time I'll have my port accessed, flushed, blood drawn and a visit with my chemo oncologist. He will do a physical and go over any lab work that comes in. He usually doesn't have my tumor markers until the following day.

Here's to hoping that my port works tomorrow and LOW LOW LOW numbers for the tumor markers!!!

Be well.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 10:17 PM

& the same to you!

and stay well

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 10:50 PM

Have a good and uneventful visit with your oncologist, and think about having that port out. It'll make life a lot easier, and I think you'll feel more yourself without a leftover device from the earlier procedures. It's food for thought, anyway.

Maggie

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: olddude
Date: 19 Sep 11 - 11:11 PM

love you in my prayers always

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 11:40 AM

Get that damn thing out and start a new thread. This one is starting to get too long. LOL A long life.

I keep the photo of Dad, Mom and Baby on my desk at home. Maybe it will join the babies on my desk at work. It makes me smile.
Auntie SINS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,LilyFestre
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 01:07 PM

So...my port was blocked again. They said it has a fibroid sheath on it so they added a med to dissolve it. It takes awhile to work so in the meantime they took blood from my arm and I met with my oncologist. Tumor marker results will come later today or tomorrow depending on how busy they are. So after talking with the doctor, they accessed my port again (not another needle stick as they left the tubes and syringe thing hanging from my chest all morning) and the blood return was immediate! YAY!!!

I love that you still have the photo up Auntie SINS!!! :)

I have the entire afternoon and evening to myself and am missing my boys. An early morning appointment tomorrow means I stay here tonight. Tell me again why this is a good idea?

There is a crying baby here in the hallway (someone is with him) but all I can think about is holding that baby and trying to comfort him. I'm sure that's already happening but...well...you know.

Time to scoot.

How cool is it that there are some computers for public use in the lobby of the hospital?

Love to all,

Michelle who is hanging onto her port for a bit. I don't mind having it flushed too much and now that's it's working, it's great. I HATE needle sticks and they give me a numbing cream for my port. YAY

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 08:02 PM

What kind of self-comforting ceremony will you come up this evening? Maybe sit down and hand write some letters or post cards? Read a good book? Order a pizza and a glass of wine and have a nice evening watching a movie or TV? I think letters or cards will give you more time to reflect, if that is helpful.

The evening will be over before you know it - enjoy yourself, good wishes for tomorrow's results, and we'll see you back online here later on tomorrow!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,Lilyfestre
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 08:08 PM

On the agenda for this evening is yoga with the House of Care manager and later my Kindle. The rooms here are very quiet..no tv, no music. And this time, no company. I have my Kindle and will probably fall into bed after yoga tonight. I'm beat.

Love to all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,Lilyfestre
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 08:09 PM

PS. I'm missing my guys tonight in a big way.

XOXOX

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 09:46 PM

Even though I'm not one of your guys, or a guy at all, virtual hugs and wishes for a peaceful night and good news tomorrow.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 10:42 PM

Of course you're missing your guys - and they're realizing right now how much you do to sustain them - but this time apart makes the time together all the better. :)

Kindle sounds good - I don't have one, don't really want one (I have tons of paper books here) but the idea of reading is the important part.

Looking forward to your news tomorrow, expecting it to be good!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Sep 11 - 11:04 PM

G'night, sweetie...trust in yourself, as you have been doing so well...you'll be home before ya know it.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 05:47 AM

what kat sez!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 08:22 AM

Wish I's seen this last night. Love and hugs to you, dear one. Let us know how today goes!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 06:26 PM

The numbers are in and they are GOOD!!!   12.8 to be precise. :)

****HAPPY DANCE*******

Michelle

PS. There is more good news today but since this is GREAT news, I'll wait to share the other!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Little Robyn
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 09:36 PM

Hooray!!!
Singing and dancing for you!!!
Robyn

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 10:35 PM

Yippee for the great news!
Waiting to hear the good news! You know how to build suspense!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 10:43 PM

We never had a doubt that you'd have great numbers, Michelle!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,ChanteyLass
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 10:53 PM

Uh-oh, where did my cookie go? Has it been absent from all the threads I've posted on? That was me a few messages back with the post that started Yippee.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 01:35 AM

joining the dancers on the floor!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 10:49 PM

Michelle, I just read your description of how you're feeling on facebook. I wish there was some way we could absorb that and help you feel better - just remember we're here holding your hand (virtually, at least!). It sounds like the port is more of a problem than a help - if you want me to do any research in my medical databases at the university, let me know. It's a shame to get over the cancer yet still feel bad because of a remnant of it. Say the word, and I'll do the research and send PDF via email or can print and put in the postal mail.

Maggie

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 11:15 PM

Great news, Michelle...

...but I've always known this was going to turn out fine...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 12:14 AM

About the port. Here's the thing. It has been clogged for the last 3 months. I'm pretty sure I wrote about it but here's a refresher. At my appointment I they flushed my port and then tried to get a blood return. Because a fibrous sheath has grown over part of my port, they were unable to get any blood out. Ok...well, this means I can get meds if I need them but they have to draw the blood out of my arm. Kinda defeats part of the purpose of the port but ok. So....the way my check ups go is like this. I go to the lab, get my blood work done, wait 45 minutes to see my oncologist (this gives the lab time to get some of the results to my dr). So...they drew the blood out of my arm and then injected some kind of med into my port to dissolve the sheath. It takes a good 45 minutes to work so they left the tubing in my chest while I went to see the doctor, Tracy, etc. When the time was up, they checked the blood return and it worked like a charm. Great! It should work well next time too. :)

Today, however, I am not feeling so hot. I'm exhausted...slept 12 hours last night and a full 5 hour nap earlier today (Pete is home today so he had the baby). The muscles in my abdomen and legs are really aching and my stomach has informed me that food is just a plain bad idea. I don't know if this is a side effect of the med they gave me to unstop my port or if I have a bug. If I still feel bad in the morning, I'll call the clinic.

I could have picked up a bug...I did stay at the House of Care and I did wander the hospital for quite a bit plus I was at the chemo clinic....there are germs everywhere so who knows? I am obsessive about washing my hands but there's always stuff in the air.

I appreciate the offer to look things up but let me see what the doctor says first. I'll be ok. :)

How do I know? Cuz Bobert says so!!! ;)

Love to you all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 08:01 AM

love & hugs back

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 10:22 AM

Just a note to say that I'm feeling MUCH better today. Whatever the problem was...port or bug...it has passed. :) Still a little achey but NOTHING like yesterday!

Later today I am posing for a Survivor calendar...I am so excited to have been asked!!! :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 10:51 PM

a Calendar girl!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST,ChanteyLass
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 12:51 AM

Well, that's a relief!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 12:01 PM

Two years ago today I started my unwelcome adventure with cancer. I find myself feeling somewhat lost in thought and remembrances...some good, some not so good. Lots of changes in my life and in my perspective!

Check up with the oncology surgeon next week and with my oncologist the following week. Butterflies abound.

Love to all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:51 PM

You've come a long way, baby!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 08:21 PM

you certainly have

love & hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 08:53 PM

Still here ridin' shotgun...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 11 Dec 11 - 01:17 AM

I hope you continue to do well. Keep us posted!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 10:06 AM

Today I am off to the House of Care for an overnight. My chemo partner is getting her port out very early in the morning and I'm going with her and then on to my own check up. Those damn butterflies are starting to piss me off. I can't tell if I'm having a medical issue with my belly or if it's anxiety. So...I keep telling myself that if there is something wrong, they will take care of my just like they always have. I love my medical team!!

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 10:16 AM

We're behind you, offering whatever support we can, Michelle!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 09:21 PM

love right back to you

& hugs & kisses

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 11:52 PM

Wrapping love around you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 07:35 AM

Good morning, sweet lily Michelle.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 01:48 PM

Checking in; I expect you're driving home and having a snuggle with the wee one!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 06:35 PM

The initial exam went well. He did a test for something that I've not had before and the results were good. The second half of my check up is on Tuesday. They will access my port and check my tumor markers. Here's hoping everything continues to go well!!!

Love to you all!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 06:41 PM

Love ya' back, Michelle...

And Tuesday will be more good news...

And 1700...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 09:00 PM

Sending Light and Love.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 10:25 PM

Tuesday, an auspicious time for looking forward with all good cheer. All will be well, darlin'.

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 08:02 PM

Wishing you well again.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 03:58 AM

patiently awaiting your report & sending more love

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 08:11 PM

Well, they made a mess of the port access today...lots of blood all over the place and some bruising (which is a first) but it was painless and I wasn't even aware of it until later in the day.

My oncologist called tonight (usually I don't get results until the following day) and said my number is 12.1 which is PERFECT!!!!! :)   YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!


************HAPPY DANCE**************

I am SO relieved and my body has finally relaxed itself and I am exhausted!   HAPPILY EXHAUSTED!!!

Thanks for the good thoughts, love and prayers! You guys are the best!!!

XOXOOXOXOX

Love to All!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 08:19 PM

Whad I tell ya a long time ago, Michelle???

Believe me now???

No matter... Great Day!!! Thou I'm not too happy about the bruising... I might have to make a couple calls... LOL...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 08:30 PM

Wonderful news. Thanks for letting us know the good news tonight.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 09:16 PM

Yippee, another treatment done! Sorry about the bleeding, though.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 03:24 AM

joining you in the happy dance

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 10:14 AM

Two years ago on this very day, I was waiting for the surgery to take all the cancer out of my body. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my life.

I sat and read through many of the posts you all sent while I was waiting for my surgery and in the days that followed and I am still brought to tears by ALL the love, prayers and positive energy that you sent to help bring me through this.

God bless every single one of you. I love you today just as much as I did then....what would I do without my Mudcat friends?

XOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 11:07 AM

Thanks, Michelle!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 02:55 PM

We couldn't have done it without YOU!:-) You brave, beautiful, woman. Thanks for opening your life and spirit of endurance, love and beauty to us and allowing us to participate. It has been a wonder as are YOU!

luvyamuchlykat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 06:46 PM

Been a wild ride but here we all are and hopefully will be for many years to come...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 07:36 PM

definitely!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 15 Jan 12 - 08:40 PM

Complete agreement from me, too!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 02 Mar 12 - 04:28 PM

I should have posted this a few weeks ago but I didn't think to do it. At my last check up (2-16), my tumor markers were up a little bit. My oncologist says that it's not the amount of numbers that it goes up but rather the upward trend to be concerned with. So...he has offered to do another CA-125 in a month rather than to make me wait the full 3 months. I have been sick with a severe cold for almost a month now and an ear infection that has affected my hearing (although I think it is starting to sound better) and sometimes those kinds of things CAN have an impact on the tumor markers. Let's hope that is the case.

In other news...very sad news...a teal sister....someone who I have made friends with is no longer allowed to receive chemo (that was last week) and today they removed the pic line. She is now in hospice. A young (early 30s at the most), vibrant, sweet, kind human being lost to ovarian cancer.

It's the first death from OC that I've seen since my own diagnosis...brings it home in a big way. Breaks my heart that it's taking Brandi. It's not right. It just isn't right.

My heart aches.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 02 Mar 12 - 05:24 PM

Michelle, I am sorry to hear about your friend. Thinking of you, Brandi, and both of your families tonight.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 02 Mar 12 - 05:35 PM

Tell Brandi that there is a skinny hillybilly down South who is praying for her... Or PM me her contact info and I'll tell her myself...

Yer marker will be fine... Seems they can move around a little when your resistance is low...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: jimmyt
Date: 02 Mar 12 - 07:11 PM

Prayers coming your way kiddo! have missed talking to you for a few years. Sounds like you have had some rough times.   jimmyt

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 02 Mar 12 - 10:22 PM

What Maeve said.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 03 Mar 12 - 03:29 AM

me, too

love to all

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 10 Mar 12 - 07:24 PM

My beautiful, young, vibrant Teal Sister, Brandi Chaney has been taken away from her family, friends and life by ovarian cancer.

My whole chest aches at the thought of it and a very quiet anger is settling in.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 10 Mar 12 - 07:42 PM

Brandi!!!

Sniff...

I am so sorry, Michelle... Healing thoughts and prayers to you, her family, her doctors, nurses and her friends...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 10 Mar 12 - 08:47 PM

(((Michelle)))

I'm sorry, Michelle. Anger is a healthy response.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: gnu
Date: 10 Mar 12 - 10:04 PM

Oh dear. My sincerest condolences.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 10 Mar 12 - 11:18 PM

I cannot imagine how you feel. I can only guess that you both supported each other in ways that nobody else could and that you must have built a strong bond. My heart goes out to you. Virtual hugs.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Mar 12 - 12:28 AM

I'm so sorry - she was a beautiful vibrant young woman. No way should this be happening.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Mar 12 - 01:21 AM

My deepest condolences, Michelle. May you find peace in remembering.

Much love,

kat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Little Robyn
Date: 11 Mar 12 - 03:17 AM

(((((Brandi)))))(((((Michelle)))))

Here's a slightly different version of the Irish Blessing, for you and for your friend:

May the road rise with you.
May the blessing of the rain be on you—
the soft sweet rain.
May it fall upon your spirit
so that all the little flowers may spring up,
and shed their sweetness on the air.
May the blessing of the great rains be on you,
may they beat upon your spirit
and wash it fair and clean,
and leave there many a shining pool
where the blue of heaven shines,
and sometimes a star.

May the good earth be soft under you
when you rest upon it,
and may it rest easy over you when,
at the last, you lay out under it,
And may it rest so lightly over you
that your soul may be out
from under it quickly,
and up, and off,
And be on its way to God.

Robyn

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 11 Mar 12 - 04:18 AM

condolences & hugs

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Maryrrf
Date: 11 Mar 12 - 09:35 AM

I'm so sorry to hear this. Some warriors fall in battle - sounds like she fought the good fight. May she rest in peace.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Mar 12 - 11:13 AM

Little Robyn, that is beautiful.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: olddude
Date: 12 Mar 12 - 11:02 AM

I love you, I am so so sorry my dear friend
anything I can do for you family you shout

I am so sorry

Dan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 Mar 12 - 11:35 PM

Tumor marker check tomorrow, 2 months early due to slowly rising numbers. Mammogram to follow port flush/blood return/labs.

Results in a few days. :/

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 12 Mar 12 - 11:39 PM

Watching for your report, Michelle. Go find someone who needs to be given one of your blazingly beautiful smiles.

Maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 Mar 12 - 01:39 AM

well said, maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 13 Mar 12 - 10:07 PM

Add me to the list of people watching for that report.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 13 Mar 12 - 10:16 PM

Tired Michelle has posted a brief update here:
Exercise & Declutter March into Spring 2012

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: olddude
Date: 13 Mar 12 - 10:22 PM

Getting out my rosary ... it never fails me ...
nothing but good reports ya hear ... nothing else is acceptable

xxo

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 09:01 AM

fantastic! & thoroughly deserved

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 10:08 AM

:) You guys sure do know how to make me smile!!! I don't have my test results yet, might not have them until tomorrow. In the meantime, I've been asked to be the Survivor speaker at the Danville Relay For Life. Some of you might remember that I spoke last spring at the local university Relay to about 400 students. Danville, however, is where I go for all my surgery and chemo. It is a large town and I imagine there will be way over 400 people (although I'm not sure really). While I was at the clinic yesterday and milling around the back where folks get their chemo while a dissolving solution was working on my ever-loving fussy port, one of the nurses came over and asked me if I would be the speaker on survivorship. I just kinda looked at her and she said that they were discussing who might be a good speaker and that my name came up. I am feeling very honored to be asked because they see hundreds of cancer patients on a weekly basis...must be I made an impression somewhere along the line (oh and it might not be a good impression..probably more of a GOOFY impression...I love to play with my nurses!). Anyway, what an absolute honor.

Keep those prayers coming please....I KNOW that they work!!

XOOXOXOXO

Love you all!!!!!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 11:01 AM

Test results are in...up a little bit but not a huge jump. I'm thinking this is good!!! :)

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 12:50 PM

Of course it's good! Here's a smile for you:
Sunflowers to celebrate victory!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 02:16 PM

Beautiful!!!! Thank you!!!! XOXOOXOXOXOXOXO How can you NOT smile at a sunflower????

XOXOOXOX

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 06:02 PM

I'm smiling--at YOU!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 15 Mar 12 - 02:23 AM

me too

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 15 Mar 12 - 06:14 AM

You know that this ol' hillbilly's prayers of thanks have been delivered...

Love ya' bunches, Michelle...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 17 May 12 - 06:51 PM

Fantastic day here, got tons done and am now packing up my gear for tomorrow's Relay For Life event where I have been asked to be the Honorary Chair. I will share my story in front of a few hundred people, be a judge on the dessert committee (oh the horror of it all), lead the Survivor's Lap carrying an Olympic torch (that's the theme of this particular relay) and lighting the larger torch that will burn for the remainder of the relay. I am STOKED!

Love to you all!!!

XOXOOXOX

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 17 May 12 - 06:57 PM

Hey!!!

Send me some of that dessert...

They couldn't have a finer person for Honorary Chair, Michelle...

You've come a long way, Baby...

B~ (Honorary Chair of the Michelle Fan Club)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 May 12 - 07:17 PM

I think you'll have to be honorary co-chair of that fan club, Mr. Beaubear - there are a lot of other folks here cheering with you!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 17 May 12 - 07:29 PM

We can just pass the chair around...

B;~)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 17 May 12 - 08:44 PM

Any chance you can put some photos of you at the event where we can all see them? Or links to photos/articles from newspapers?

Enjoy your day! I wish we could all be there in person to cheer you on!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 May 12 - 02:58 AM

photos, please!

have a great day

sandra (in the chair)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 May 12 - 08:28 AM

Today is the day!!! I've got my Sassypants on and I plan to ROCK IT!!!!

Both cameras are charged and ready!!! :)

Thanks for cheering me on!!!!

I love you guys!!!!

XOXOXOXO

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 May 12 - 10:12 AM

sassypants?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 May 12 - 11:50 AM

Sassypants - is what it sounds like! She's revved up and ready to go, she has some attitude and some energy and is ready to rock!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 18 May 12 - 10:03 PM

I hope the weather was great and you got a thrill out of every minute. Hooray for you!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 May 12 - 11:29 PM

I imagine you're exhausted. Report back after a good night's sleep!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 12 - 01:04 AM

Today was a day WELL lived! Details later this weekend!

:) Michelle :)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 12 - 01:13 AM

Today was a day well lived.
A day to inspire and to be inspired.
A day that leaves me longing for more.
Amazing, exhausting and amazing.
Huh. I sad that twice, didn't I?
Meant every word of it!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 19 May 12 - 11:20 PM

Take your time. Tell us more when you can.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 19 May 12 - 11:49 PM

Here is a link to a few recent photos including: A quilt I made today, yesterday's Relay For Life, the glucose implant sensor and Jeremiah.

Photos

Enjoy!

Michelle

PS. Details of Relay to come soon...too busy today!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 20 May 12 - 05:19 AM

love the pics! especially boy & bunny.

sandra (patiently awaiting the rest of the story)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 20 May 12 - 08:09 PM

Yes, great photos! I love all the smiling faces!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 20 May 12 - 09:48 PM

The pics filled with happy people...

Great job, Michelle...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 May 12 - 10:19 PM

Great photos!

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 23 May 12 - 09:55 AM

So…
Montour County Relay For Life. What a great event! Normally this relay is held on the track of a local school however last year's flooding caused a huge amount of damage so that wasn't possible. This year the Relay was held in Riverside at the Fire Department. All the trucks had been pulled out of the building and parked in front so that a Survivor's Dinner could be held inside. The actual Relay was outside in back of the fire department where it was grassy with lots of shade trees, a large pavilion where luminaries were being made and a white line marked the path for the walkers and runners. Around this path were all manners of tents and campsites which made for a very welcoming sense of community.
Valerie and I left Mansfield around 1:00, stopped at Wegmans for lunch, another stop at Best Buy so I could get a new photo card and then a stop at her favorite yarn shop and then finally the Relay. We got there around 4:30pm, the sun was hot and we weren't sure of where everything was so we poked around a bit. I signed myself in as a Survivor, got my goodie bag (which contained a t-shirt and a pin) and went in search of my contact person. I finally found her and she told me that I should be near the stage around 5:50pm. No problem. Time flew by and before I knew it there were announcements being made over the loud speaker for people to gather at the stage to begin the Survivor Ceremony. Not long after that, I was being introduced and invited to share my story. I started out just fine, barely needing my notebook (because I had the entire thing written down to read) but there was a part where I choked up and after that I did read from what I had written. I knew it well so I was able to look up and around frequently. (It feels WONDERFUL to be that prepared….I wasn't nervous at all….more excited than anything). People were attentive, some cried right along with me and when I got to the part about Jeremiah something unexpected happened. They cheered. They clapped. I cried. To feel that kind of love and support all around is an overwhelmingly wonderful feeling…..and my tears were of gratitude for both Jeremiah and the love of this crowd.
I finished up and introduced the hematologist who was to speak after me. He did an excellent job in sharing the personal side of what it means to be a doctor that deals with treating people with cancer. I loved that he was personal and not clinical…it's what I love best about Geisinger.
Afterwards, several people came over to give me hugs and one lady in particular hugged me for a long time and sobbed. She was on a team called Carol's Crusaders….all dressed in teal….she lost her friend Carol to ovarian cancer last year. She said that the things I had said touched her….how do you respond to that? I hugged her tight. Sometimes words just aren't necessary. I imagine she felt my heart ache as much I as felt hers.
Survivors were asked to line up for the Survivor's Lap. The hematologists were asked to carry the Survivors banner and I was to walk in front, leading them all while carrying a torch. There were a lot of people wearing purple shirts (indicates cancer survivor) at this event and I was honored to have been chosen to lead the way.
The parade ended at the fire hall where survivors and caregivers were invited to a sit down dinner of chicken, baby carrots, mashed potatoes and a dessert of our choosing. On every table were pots of petunias…enough for everybody to take one or two or an armful if they wanted!
After dinner, we had fun getting our faces painted, wandering around looking at the different team sites and the things they had for sale and then it was time for the luminaries to be lit. The luminaries that were in honor of someone (Valerie made one for me), were red bags and they were in the middle of the field in a design. The bags that were in memory of someone were white and there were so many that the entire path around the field was full of them all crowded together. The visual was intense and I think Valerie summed it up best: "Dear God."   Very sobering.
By that time it was about 9:30pm so we packed it up and started on our way home. The conversation couldn't have been better…..serious stuff but lots of silly stuff too. We stopped in Liberty to use the restroom and we went in with our glow stick necklaces perched on our heads like a crown and with our face painted and tattoos…..we were punchy and having fun! As we got back in the car, there was a man standing nearby and our silliness interested him. We completely ignored him! As Valerie was getting in the car, I noticed a butterfly that had his wing stuck under a garbage can. I gently picked him up, showed Valerie and then put him down. He immediately spread his wings and let me take his picture (which I'll put up later).
Our next stop was Smythe Park in Mansfield where they were also having their Relay For Life event. I am sorry to say that it was pitiful. There were maybe 4 tents/team sites there…everything was picked up for the night and only the luminaria was there to remind us that there was indeed an event taking place. Also, there were only 6 other people walking the track. I think it was pitiful and a sad commentary on our community with the lack of participation….and in comparison to the event we had just come from…it was obvious which community needs MUCH MORE awareness to take place.
It was a day well lived. I felt alive, silly, happy and thankful for my life. It was a reminder to me that not so very long ago it was unclear which luminary would hold my name….in honor or in memory.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 23 May 12 - 10:01 AM

We want pictures!!!

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 May 12 - 10:53 AM

a wonderful report, Michelle, thanks for posting it

& I second Bobert!!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 23 May 12 - 09:07 PM

What a positive experience. I am glad you were able to do this, and I'm glad I got to read about it.

And I, too, look forward to seeing your pics!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 23 May 12 - 09:59 PM

Of course they cheered when you got to the part about Jeremiah! We all did!

Maggie

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Jul 12 - 12:29 AM

Michelle, you have become such an eloquent writer amongst all of this. That was beautiful and wonderful to read. What a grand example you set.

I received the following by email and thought this might be a good place to make note for folks to be able to pass it along. Hope you don't mind:

Cleaning for a Reason

       If you know any woman currently undergoing chemotherapy, please pass the word to her that there is a cleaning service that provides FREE housecleaning - once per month for 4 months while she is in treatment. All she has to do is sign up and have her doctor fax a note confirming the treatment. Cleaning for a Reason will have a participating maid service in her zip code area arrange for the service. This organization serves the entire USA and currently has 547 partners to help these women. It's our job to pass the word and let them know that there are people out there who care. Be a blessing to someone and pass this information along:


http://www.cleaningforareason.org

luvyakat

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 18 Jul 12 - 12:46 AM

Oh there is so much to share about a recent Relay and my experience now being on the other side of the diagnosis.....but not tonight.

Kat,

   I think what you have shared is a GREAT thing and I don't mind one bit!! I remember many days when I hurt so much that I couldn't stand long enough to do the dishes....those things have a way of piling up while all you can do is sit and watch, feeling useless. I would have LOVED it someone would have come in once a month to vacuum, dust, give my husband a break from the double duty he had to pull!!!

   There are also organizations that will bring meals to a chemo patient as well. I'll have to look up that site and get it on here too!

LuvYaKat!!!! XOXOXOXO

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Jul 12 - 12:55 AM

Thanks for that note, Kat, I'll pass it on to a friend of mine at work who might use it.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 Jul 12 - 11:12 AM

lookimg forward to reading your next post, Michelle when the time is right

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 05:50 PM

I had my tumor marker test/check up on Friday late in the afternoon and got the results this morning. My CA-125 actually dropped down a little over a point with a reading of 14.7!!! YAHOOO!!!

Also, I have been invited by the American Cancer Society to facilitate a pilot group called Cancer: Surviving and Thriving.

Further, the American Cancer Society invited me to apply for a program called Voices of Hope. This is a very selective program accepting maybe 50 people from the state of Pennsylvania. I applied and recently received my acceptance letter!!! I will be going to an all expense paid training adventure for a few days later this fall. I am so honored and excited!!!! I'll be sharing my story with other Relays, Coping with Cancer Groups, various health organizations, with medical students, etc.   It feels really, REALLY good to be able to give something back!!!

And finally, I am the Chair of the Survivorship Committee for the area's Relay For Life next year!!! YAHOO!!!!

Much love to you all!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Little Robyn
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 05:57 PM

Wonderful!
Robyn

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 06:37 PM

Hooray!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 06:43 PM

What a bouquet of well deserved honors, Michelle!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 06:56 PM

Onward and upward, Michelle... Reading your good news is music to my eyes...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 07:18 PM

Michelle, I'm so proud of you! You've come so far and grown so much! What a dynamo!

Maggie

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Aug 12 - 07:32 AM

all of the above

love from sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 31 Oct 12 - 08:19 AM

SRS made a comment on my Facebook page last night about a photo of Jeremiah and it made me think about all of you here at Mudcat. I read over some of this thread, particularly the dates after Jeremiah arrived and I am sorry to post that I have neglected putting up photos for my friends here. Today, we remedy that!!! Last night I spent some time going through my photos from this year and picked out a few of my favorites so that you can see Jeremiah growing. He is now 2 1/2 and a very busy, chatty, sweet little boy.

On the cancer front, everything seems to be going well. I still am tired much sooner than I think I should be, my body doesn't move like it used to and I have regained a significant amount of weight to which my GYN/ONC shrugs and says it comes with the hysterectomy and will be very difficult to lose. HMPH. I keep telling myself that I have my life and my family...the belly is what it is. I have a tumor marker check up on Friday and as usual, I am praying for low numbers.

Enough of that, here is Jeremiah: http://jeremiahthomaslawrence.shutterfly.com/

Love to you all!!!!
XOXOXOOXOXO

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Oct 12 - 09:54 AM

Jeremiah's blicky

thanks for posting these pics - he is a little treasure!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Oct 12 - 09:55 AM

oops, forgot to add, hugs & kisses & good thoughts for your test results

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 31 Oct 12 - 11:47 AM

Hey, dude... Yer mama is awesome!!!

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 31 Oct 12 - 07:03 PM

How fast children grow! He's quite the handsome fellow. I wish blessings for you and your family!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Oct 12 - 10:07 PM

Great photos, Michelle! Thanks for the link to the albums.

Big hug offered to help you through the day on Friday.

SRS

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Jan 13 - 01:53 PM

Recently I was asked by the American Cancer Society's Voices of Hope Division to share my story for their newsletter. Of course many of you already know the story. Being that in 7 days, I will celebrate being cancer free, I thought you might like to see/read it (again, maybe?). It is brief and as concise as I could possibly make it due to their format. There are also 4 photos.

Next week, I will celebrate my 3rd anniversary by going for a checkup with hematology oncology...keeping a close eye on things continues.
:)

Voices of Hope Newsletter January 2013

Much love to you all!
XOXOXOXO

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 08 Jan 13 - 03:02 PM

Well done, Michelle!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 08 Jan 13 - 03:42 PM

Good job!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 08 Jan 13 - 05:22 PM

onwards & upwards!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 08 Jan 13 - 05:26 PM

The best part of the story is the last sentence...

Good job, Michelle...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 25 Feb 13 - 08:02 AM

I've been having check ups every 2 months since my chemo treatments ended. As it goes, the appointments alternated (one with the GYN/ONC and the other with Hematology/Oncology)...leaving me running but also feeling checked in on. I still go to see my Hematologist every 2 months at my request to have tumor marker levels checked. However, the visit with the Gynecologist Oncologist have been moved to once every 6 months.    Today is the day I will go for that check up. I am finding myself a bit more unnerved than usual and I don't think I like waiting to be checked only twice a year. The appointments aren't fun or comfortable physically but I feel like I've gotten unused to them...if that makes sense.

I just wrote a bunch more and my computer ate it.

Basically, I'm thankful that my doctors are confident enough to spread my appointments out...they know what's going on and I trust they will take excellent care of me as they have done all along.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

It will all be over with in less than 6 hours.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 25 Feb 13 - 08:27 AM

We'll be here when you return. I'm planning to celebrate with you.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 25 Feb 13 - 09:12 AM

looking forward to your post, Michelle

& sending lots of hugs

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Feb 13 - 10:04 AM

Yes... Breathe...

Seriously, this is all good news, Michelle... If the docs are thinking every 6 months, that is great...

My mom is a cancer survivor twice (colon some 35 years ago and breast some 15 years ago) and with each she had to be weened off the check-ups... You'll be fine...

B~

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 25 Feb 13 - 06:06 PM

I'm home. Tired and sore but everything looks good!!

HOORAY.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Love to all of you beautiful people!

XOXOXOXOOXO

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: gnu
Date: 25 Feb 13 - 06:09 PM

GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 25 Feb 13 - 06:19 PM

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzippity dodah!

Let the celebrations commence!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 25 Feb 13 - 08:09 PM

I'll second that!

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 25 Feb 13 - 11:20 PM

I just got onto the 'Cat and read today's posts. Michelle, i am glad you got home before I opened this thread. I hope you have been able to relax, but do you now have to wait for any test results? Did you talk to your doctor about your anxiety?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 26 Feb 13 - 12:00 PM

I do not have to wait for any test results for this particular check up as it was a manual exam. He takes a look, feels around for any lumps and bumps and does a breast exam too.

I did not talk to him about my anxiety because I know it was completely due to the actual appointment and that it would disappear the second he walked out the door. That is exactly what happened. I will say that I think the level anxiety I was having yesterday (and even the day before) was much higher than normal. If I hadn't had to drive myself there, I would have probably taken some Xanax. When it was time to leave yesterday, my husband walked me to the car, we strapped Jeremiah into his car seat and I just leaned on the car to try and catch my breath...I'm pretty sure I had myself a mini panic attack at that point. I couldn't breathe, cried....gave it a few minutes and when that passed, I got in the car and left. It sucks but what else can I do? I did several minutes of yogic 3 part breaths to settle myself, turned on some music and sang myself silly as I drove down the road.

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Little Robyn
Date: 26 Feb 13 - 03:32 PM

XO
Robyn

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 27 Feb 13 - 01:41 AM

love & hugs

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 10:07 AM

Today I CELEBRATE being 4 years CANCER FREE!!!!!

********HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY DANCE**********

Sending lots of love and gratitude for all of you!!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 10:18 AM

Continuing congratulations, Michelle!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 04:29 PM

Big old hug and a smooch on the cheek.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: maeve
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 04:57 PM

Soooo happy for you!

Maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Noreen
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 06:04 PM

What an amazing journey you have been on- and all recorded here!

Well done you :)

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 11:19 PM

Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! And next year I hope I remember to add another Hooray!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 16 Jan 14 - 11:35 AM

THAT is wonderful news! No wonder you are doing all manner of good things!

Did you know: Hans Selye was diagnosed with an inoperable "fatal" cancer. I heard him lecture in Montreal when he was in his 70s. "I walked out of the doctor's office and thought about all the things I needed to accomplish before I died - and went to the lab." (roughly remembered.) His book, The Stress of My Life, is a good read. Two of his findings have stayed in my mind: It is not the stress that hurts us, it is the way we handle the stress. And "Altruistic self-centredness": taking care of oneself so we are able to take care of others.

You seem to do pretty well on both these.

His cancer never went anywhere. Probably a mis-diagnosis?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Jan 16 - 12:04 PM

Happy 6th Cancerversary to me!!!!!!!!!

I am so blessed to be here and thankful beyond words.

Love to All!

XOXOOXOXOX

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Jan 16 - 02:00 PM

The blessings ripple outward. Grateful for your good news, Michelle!
Maeve

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 15 Jan 16 - 06:44 PM

I never got to give you 5 hooray last year, but here come some for this year!
Hooray, hooray, hooray, hooray, hooray, hooray!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 16 - 11:21 PM

Good work, Michelle! Congratulations, and many many more anniversaries to come.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Jan 16 - 02:24 PM

Thanks everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!


XOXOXO

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: olddude
Date: 16 Jan 16 - 02:48 PM

Love you michelle, always in my prayers xxo
Dan

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 17 Jan 16 - 05:55 AM

belated congratulations

keep doing what you're doing

love from sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 08:06 PM

Today I celebrated being cancer free for 7 years!!!!!

Life is amazing and I remain thankful for this life and all of you.

Love to all of you who have supported me and loved me along the way. Words will never be able to clearly explain just how much that has meant to me.

Blessings!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 09:06 PM

I guessed that was the reason this thread was revived! I'm delighted to read your update. It's wonderful news!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 02:07 AM

adding my cheers!

"baby" is now 7 years old? What is he up to?

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Noreen
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 02:57 PM

Great stuff, Michelle!
Yes, let's have an update please- how are things going with you and your lovely family?

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 03:53 PM

Michelle has barely slowed down during all of this time - cancer didn't stand a chance when she was doing the fighting!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 07:14 PM

An update?

Oh where to begin?

Jeremiah is now 6 years old and in the first grade. He absolutely loves school and is doing really well. He is reading like crazy, learning to play guitar and loves to play soccer. He is the light of my life to be sure!

I finally almost have my pre-cancer energy back. I don't think I will ever have it all back but it's at a reasonable level now, so much so that I recently accepted a full time position and am loving it. :) I haven't worked in 7 years, at least not outside the home, but it our Pre-cancer, pre-Jeremiah plan was always that one of us would stay home with our child if at all possible, until he was completely settled into school. That time is now and while it is an adjustment, it is one that is going to be incredible once I find my stride! I love the people I work with and the job I have.....finding the perfect way to balance my energy reserve is going to be the icing on the cake!

Life is good and I am ever so thankful.

Love to all,

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 11:55 PM

excellent - life goes on!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Jan 17 - 08:03 PM

I loaded this thread the old fashioned way, from the beginning, and it was wonderful to read some of the voices that are gone or we don't see here often. And from those early days till now, you've gone through a huge positive transformation. The old saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" certainly applies here.

This week I saw a video of Jeremiah reading - he's very good, and he's hooked. If there was one thing I could name that is so important a thing to teach a child, it is to read. From there, all things are possible.

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: LilyFestre
Date: 15 Jan 19 - 08:38 PM

Today I am celebrating my 9th Cancerversary!!! NINE YEARS!!!!

I am beyond thankful, grateful and blessed.

My love to everyone!

Michelle

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 15 Jan 19 - 08:46 PM

Love from me to you, too!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Jan 19 - 11:24 PM

How the photos have changed, from you sitting feeding a small baby to now with everything moving forward and that talented young man in your care. Congratulations on everything!

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Jan 19 - 02:17 AM

congratulations.

the traditional birthday greeting wishing you many more is very apt!

hugs to you & your family

sandra

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: Noreen
Date: 18 Jan 19 - 04:04 PM

Hello again Michelle! How lovely to be reminded about you and your lovely family :)

Much love to all xx

Subject: RE: LilyFestre-Mommy+Daddy+Baby...now on to Life!
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Jan 19 - 11:14 AM

This thread reminds me that
Mudcat can be a big extended family through good and scary.
Thanks for keeping the dream alive.