Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)

Subject: Lyr Req: Porridge every morning
From: mandotim
Date: 21 Jan 10 - 09:20 AM

I think this is part of a song Mike Harding used to do;
'It's porridge every morning, it's strong and it's thick
It clogs up the drains and puts lumps on yer ...elbows'
Does anyone have the rest of the lyrics? It's driving a friend of mine with a bad memory nuts!
Tim

Subject: Lyr Add: STRANGEWAYS HOTEL (Mike Harding)
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 04:34 AM

I can't find a link to the lyrics but you will find the song being performed by Mrs 'ardin's kid on Youtube and Yahoo if you Google 'Strangeways Hotel - Mike Harding'.

From memory...

Last Saturday night I got into a fight
I woke up on Wednesday in a hell of a fright
The judge said 'Young feller, you're going for a spell
Six months hard labour in the Stangeways Hotel'

Chorus
Too-ra-loo, I can tell
They've bloody strange ways in the Strangeways Hotel

It's porridge for breakfast it's strong and it's thick
It clogs up the drains and puts big lumps on your... elbows
How do they make more up when one lot's all spent
They mix two loads of sand up with one of cement

Chorus

It's fish every Friday it's fish two foot wide
It covers your plate and hangs over the side
You can tell that it's Friday just by the smell
Coz the fish have all done time in the Strangeways Hotel

Chorus

There is at least another verse, I think, about bedbugs and possibly one about not going back again but as I cannot get Social sites at work you will have to look it up yourself!

Cheers

DeG

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Porridge every morning
From: mandotim
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 05:14 AM

Thanks Dave, You're a star!
Tim

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Porridge every morning
From: GUEST,Uncle Rumpo
Date: 22 Jan 10 - 06:57 AM

I'm making porridge [with water] right now:
nourishing, healthy, and good for you;
and an even better way to start the morning if it's got a big dose of sweet tasty medicinal malt whisky in it.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 06:55 AM

You're welcome, Mandotim. Foung the rest, I think

Well, we don't sleep like tops and we don't sleep like logs
Coz the bedbugs have feet like colliers clogs
They bit and they pinch and they wrestle you as well
Then they kick you out of bed in the Strangeways Hotel

Chorus

Well, the Wardens they read bedtime stories at night
They tuck as all in and they turn out the light
They give us all a big kiss to make sure we sleep well
They've some bloody stange ways in the Strangeways Hotel

Chorus.

That's it (I think)

DeG

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Gurney
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 03:39 PM

I can imagine the non-Britons puzzling about the 'Hotel' bit.
Strangeways is H. M. Prison Strangeways, Manchester.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Bainbo
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 03:49 PM

I think Dave's just about nailed it - except that the chorus goes:
"There's no place on earth like the Strangeways Hotel."

And I think Mr Harding used to interject strange vocal interruptions. So it actually went somthing like:
"Too-ra-loo (ey-up), I can tell (ulla, ulla),
There's no place on earth like the Strangeways Hotel."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: GUEST,JohnB
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 05:29 PM

I always thought that the spoken lead up was the best part of the song.
Something about a guy and his brother walking down the road and accidentaly dropping an empty suitcase in the bank and cos they were wearing stockings over their heads as it was so cold, people started throwing money into it and they didn't want the money to get lost, so they closed the case and picked it up, then the police came and he hit one on the tuncheon with the back of his head and his brother hit the other cops foot with his groin.
Well it goes on a bit and that's how they end up in the Strangeways Hotel, just by Boddington's Brewery, if either of them are still there.
JohnB.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Edthefolkie
Date: 24 Jan 10 - 06:37 PM

I think Boddies is now brewed at a mega-keggery in Luton or summat, and it is NOT the same!

The Meridian in Bollington's gone too if anybody remembers that. RIP an ace pub, had a fantastic Christmas Eve there once complete with half cut brass band. (Sorry, always think Cheshire when I hear the once magic name of Boddies. And Robinsons. But I try to forget Wilsons....)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: GUEST,trebor
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 05:23 PM

On the single he tells some jokes about the inmates can't remember them word for word at the moment thou . But one is about a lad called billy and is something like this . "How long have you got billy?" ( Billy )" three days" three days yer jammie bugger how d ya manage that ? " ( "They hang me monday ") another one goes abit like this. Q What you in for ? A "Waggin me robin ! I wouldn't mind but as soon as I open me raincoat she said no thanks I smoke my own " and the third on is There was a man in there for chuckin his wife off Blackpool Tower . coz the judge siad it was bank holiday Monday and he might hit somebody underneath an hurt em . and I think it came between the fish verse and the bed bugs verse hope this helps I used to listen to mike for hours .

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 06:44 PM

Yes - that's definitely the chorus. Thanks, Bainbo. Just shows that the old, erm, thingies ain't what they, erm, whatsit...

:D(eG)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Richard Mellish
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 07:38 PM

Gurney said
> I can imagine the non-Britons puzzling about the 'Hotel' bit.
Strangeways is H. M. Prison Strangeways, Manchester. <

There are at least two analogous songs, Irish and Scots:
The Mountjoy Hotel
The Big Lodgin' Hoose Ca'd Barlinnie

Richard

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 08:02 PM

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Bernard
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 09:00 PM

Sadly, Boddingtons brewery was demolished a couple of years ago, but the landmark chimney still stands - although 'BODDINGTONS' has been removed from it.

I used to service the PA system in the brewery - the place was a bit of a mess, to be honest! Probably where the flavour came from!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Bernard
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 09:05 PM

Come to think of it, I've done some time in HMP Manchester (aka Strangeways Hotel)...! Well, I supplied a radio microphone and mini-mixer for the Govenor to use when making his speeches in the refectory...

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 04:32 AM

Apparantly one of the worse things about being in Stangeways was being able to smell the beer and not have any! They probably did in on purpose, although Bodd's had lost it's falvour long before the brewery was pulled down. Probably something to do with the loss of the underground water supply which was deemed unfit to use. Never did me any harm. Did it Alice?

DeG

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: doncatterall
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 02:08 PM

I seem to remember Boddies changing the recipe in the mid/late 70s and Boddies bitter was never the same after that.

Oh! and does anyone remember the Boddies flag being taken tpo Sidmouth and flown on the campsite (1977?)

Don

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Charley Noble
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 02:34 PM

Reminds me of that old Northern California song "The Banks of the Don" which had such nice lines as:

If you want to get into that palace so neat,
Drink tanglefoot whiskey, get drunk in the street;
In a fine family carriage they'll drive you from town
To that grand institution just over the Don.

Chorus:

So step up ev'ry man of you, all in a line;
From the cell to the stone yard
We all must keep time;
You work like a Turk till the clock it strikes one,
In hat grand institution just over the Don.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Bernard
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 02:36 PM

The story goes that, although pub landlords can be prosecuted for watering down beer, breweries cannot - and Boddie's wanted to reduce their specific gravity so they didn't have to pay as much duty...

How much truth is in that story I'll leave to you to decide, but it somehow rings eerily true!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: MikeL2
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 04:38 PM

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: David el Gnomo - PM
Date: 26 Mar 10 - 04:32 AM

< "Apparantly one of the worse things about being in Stangeways was being able to smell the beer and not have any! They probably did in on purpose " >

Hi Dave

They did something similar in Dublin. Across from the Guinness factory there used to be a hospital where they had a wing for people trying to give up alcohol. They say it was murder in the clinic when the wind blew from the direction of the brewery.

cheers

MikeL2

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: GUEST,freespiritceol
Date: 27 Mar 10 - 02:21 AM

Hi The Mountjoy hotel version is sung around these parts, (south Kerry) it's slighly different, in this song the singer dreams he is in a luxury hotel , untill the last verse when he wakes up to reallity. We have a local recording of it. It's very funny.

All the best

John

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 27 Mar 10 - 03:48 AM

Re watering the beer, it's probably true Bernard, a few years ago Tetleys did this, it was a triple whammy on the beer drinkers, they lowered the gravity of Tetleys bitter, making it cheaper to produce, pay less duty on it and they put the price up all at the same time.

Mike Harding did some wonderful stuff when he was still doing the folk clubs, when he got the BBC job he just became a management lackey/creep.

Dave H

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: GUEST,Wendy
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 06:37 PM

The lyrics - typed as I listened ... hope they help

Strangeways Hotel - Mike Harding

Takes some working, this bugger, I'll tell you that for nowt…

Last Saturday night I got into a fight
I woke up on Wednesday in an heck of a fright
'Cos the judge said 'Young feller, you're going for a spell
Six months hard labour in the Strangeways Hotel'

Chorus
Too-ra-loo, eh-up I can tell
Ooh la ooh la
There's no place on earth like the Strangeways Hotel

It's porridge each morning, it's strong and it's thick
It clogs up the drains and puts big lumps on your... elbows
How do they make more up when one lot's all spent
They mix two loads of sand up with one of cement

Chorus

It's fish every Friday it's fish two foot wide
Covers up your plate and hangs over the side
You can tell that it's Friday just by the smell
Coz the fish have all done time in the Strangeways Hotel

Chorus

So we were in the cell talkin' and there's two lads
And one says "What you in for Ron?"
He said "Robbing a wagon. What you in for Cedric?"
He said "Wagging me Robin" (laughs)
"Well I only tried it once and soon as me opened me raincoat,
She sez "No thanks, I'll smoke me own" (laughs)

Well there were a lad in there, a real hard case
In there for budgie rustling
They'd caught him outside Belle Views with a branding iron and a packet of seed
He'd got eleven years he had

And there was another bloke in there
He was in for chuckin' his wife off Blackpool Tower
'Cos the Judge said it was Bank Holiday Monday
He might have hit somebody underneath and hurt 'em


And there was a bloke, I could never understand him
He was a quiet lad, used to make his own dresses and everything
"Too strong for light work"
And he sat in the corner crying his eyes out.
I said to him "How long have you got, Billy?"
He said "Three days"
I said "Three days? You Jammy bugger!
How did you manage that?!"
He said "They hang me Monday"

Well, we don't sleep like tops and we don't sleep like logs
'Cos the bed bugs have feet like colliers' clogs
And they bite and they pinch and they wrestle you as well
Then they kick you out of bed in the Strangeways Hotel

Chorus

Last verse. Thank you very much…

Well the warders they read bedtime stories at night
They tuck us all in then they switch out the lights
Then they give us all a big kiss to make sure we sleep well
They've bloody strange ways in the Strangeways Hotel!

Chorus

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Jack Campin
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 07:05 PM

There is also an Edinburgh version about Saughton jail:

The Saughton Hotel

It would be an interesting project for somebody to trace the history of this one.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Gurney
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 02:49 AM

Wendy's contribution is accurate to my memory, and the "Takes some working..." is because he was playing a base concertina. The middle part that doesn't scan is spoken.

JohnB's contribution missed the bit about " I had a go at his boot with my groin. It wasn't working: I was getting a bit of a headache, and I think I was starting with Mumps..."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: GUEST,Strangeways hotel
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 07:33 AM

It's an adaptation of a song by Brendan Behan called The Mountjoy Hotel, which refers to Mountjoy jail in Dublin where he was a 'guest' for a few years. Check it out on www.unitedirelandtripod.ie

Desi C

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 07:58 AM

How come all folk songs are deemed to be adaptation of Irish ones?

You know, Dirty Old Town; From Clare to Here; Green Fields of France...

Who's kidding who here?

:D (eG)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Bernard
Date: 05 Aug 10 - 08:54 AM

Wendy's reference to 'Belle Views' should be 'Belle Vue', the world's first theme park which was on the Gorton side of Manchester.

The area is still called Belle Vue, but the zoo and all the other features have been gone for decades. Belle Vue Raceway is still thriving, however.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Evil Roy Slade
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 09:38 AM

Has anyone got the guitar tab or chords for this - and any other of the early Mike Harding songs such as The Tatler, Away with Rum etc etc? I have transcribed all the lyrics but am rubbish at working out the music

Subject: Lyr Add: STRANGEWAYS HOTEL (Mike Harding)
From: GUEST,Scouter O.B. 12th Richmond Scout Group Vanco
Date: 22 Dec 10 - 02:10 PM

Last Saturday night I got into a fight.
I woke up on Wednesday with a heck of a fright.
The Judge said, "Young fella, you're going for a spell,
Six months hard labour at the Strangeways Hotel."

CHORUS: Too Ra Loo Ay up I can tell,
Hugga, Hugga.
There's no place on earth like the Strangeways Hotel.

They got me a taxi and the judge paid my fare.
They got me a new suit and cut off my hair.
The screws took my money and my smokes as well.
That was my welcome to the Strangeways Hotel. CHORUS

The wardens, they read bedtime stories at night,
They tuck you all in and they turn out the light.
They give you a big kiss to make you sleep well.
They've got very strange wardens at the Strangeways Hotel. CHORUS

Well we don't sleep like tops and we don't sleep like logs,
Cos' the bedbugs they have feet like soldiers' clogs.
They nip you and bite you and punch you as well.
Then kick you out o' bed at the Strangeways Hotel. CHORUS

It's porridge each morning. It's strong and it's thick.
It clogs up the drains and puts muscles on your....elbows.
How do they make more when one lot is spent?
Mix two bags of sand with one of cement. CHORUS

It's fish every Friday. It's fish two feet wide.
It sits on the plate and hangs over the sides.
You can tell that it's Friday just by the smell,
Cos' the fish have done time at the Strangeways Hotel. CHORUS

Well I stayed down in Strangeways for nearly a year,
And when I was leaving they were almost in tears.
They all waved their hankies and rang a big bell,
And that was my farewell from the Strangeways Hotel. CHORUS

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: GUEST,Scouter O.B.
Date: 22 Dec 10 - 02:17 PM

This is how I remeber it from my youth.
The version above has all the rude words removed and I substituted "smokes" for "Fags" as I teach this to Cubs & Scouts here in Canada.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 09:50 PM

You can hear Mike Harding singing STRANGEWAYS HOTEL at YouTube. The song begins at about 4:20.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: GUEST,Tony
Date: 15 May 11 - 12:22 PM

The Definitive Lyrics as performed live, sans the gags he intersperses: i.e, "What you in for Charlie? Bin up Wiggin (Wigan) waggin' me robin. She said no thanks, I'll smoke me own" etc. -

I've heard them a time or two million, so here goes:

On Saturday night I got into a fight
And I woke up on Wednesday in a heck of a fright
Cos the Judge said "Young fella, you're going for a spell
Six months hard labour in the Strangeways Hotel"

CHORUS: Tirra loo, ay up I can tell
       Wee-a! Wee-a!
       There's no place on earth like the Strangeways Hotel

It's porridge each morning; it's strong and it's thick
Clogs up the drains and puts big lumps on your elbows
How do they make more, when one lots all spent?
Mix two loads of sand up with one lot cement

CHORUS

It's fish every Friday, it's fish two foot wide
Covers up your plate and hangs over the side
You can tell that it's Friday just by the smell
Cos the fish have all done time in the Strangeways Hotel.

CHORUS

Well we don't sleep like tops; and we don't sleep like logs
Cos the bedbugs have feet like colliers clogs
And they kick and they bite, and they wrestle you as well
And they kick you out of bed at the Strangeways Hotel

CHORUS

Well the Warders they read bedtime stories at night
Tuck us all in, then switch out the light
Then they give us all a big kiss yo make sure we sleep well
They've bloody strange ways at the Strangeways Hotel

CHORUS

Close

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 01:57 PM

last saturday night i got int a fight and woke up wenseday with a eck of fright cause the judge said young fellow your going for a spell 6 months of labour in the strangeways hotel

its porriage each morning its strong and its thick it cloggs the drains and big lumps on your elbows how do they make more when one lot is all spent they mix two loads of sand up and one of cement

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Strangeways Hotel (Mike Harding)
From: Bernard
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 06:19 PM

This is one time when 'better late than never' is clearly inappropriate...!!