Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafemuddy

Post to this Thread - Sort Descending - Printer Friendly - Home


New olddude song - need help

olddude 04 Mar 10 - 06:44 PM
olddude 04 Mar 10 - 07:24 PM
oldhippie 04 Mar 10 - 08:09 PM
maeve 04 Mar 10 - 08:18 PM
olddude 04 Mar 10 - 08:22 PM
frogprince 04 Mar 10 - 08:52 PM
maeve 04 Mar 10 - 08:55 PM
olddude 04 Mar 10 - 08:59 PM
Melissa 04 Mar 10 - 09:02 PM
olddude 04 Mar 10 - 09:34 PM
frogprince 04 Mar 10 - 11:35 PM
open mike 04 Mar 10 - 11:46 PM
katlaughing 04 Mar 10 - 11:57 PM
olddude 05 Mar 10 - 12:04 AM
katlaughing 05 Mar 10 - 12:20 AM
frogprince 05 Mar 10 - 12:27 AM
olddude 05 Mar 10 - 08:20 AM
Amergin 05 Mar 10 - 08:41 AM
olddude 05 Mar 10 - 10:43 AM
olddude 05 Mar 10 - 10:47 AM
kendall 05 Mar 10 - 11:21 AM
olddude 05 Mar 10 - 11:23 AM
olddude 05 Mar 10 - 11:31 AM
frogprince 05 Mar 10 - 11:49 AM
olddude 05 Mar 10 - 12:32 PM
olddude 05 Mar 10 - 12:33 PM
Share Thread
more
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:



Subject: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 06:44 PM

Ok, I was talking to an old buddie of mine and he was telling me stories about he use to work as a clown in a circus and traveled around. So I just wrote this song called a Hobo's song. I threw it away and then thought well maybe someone can help me smooth it out
I take no offense if it is bad

A Hobo's Song

Love Dan


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 07:24 PM

don't know maybe it should be tossed, Oh well back to the drawing board


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: oldhippie
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 08:09 PM

Dan, I think it has possibilities, don't toss it far.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: maeve
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 08:18 PM

Leave it be for a couple of days, Dan. There is worthwhile material there.

m


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 08:22 PM

ok will do got to work on it a bit, thank you


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: frogprince
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 08:52 PM

Uh huh; Maeve posted whilst I was listening to it, writting it down, and ruminating. Yes, some good stuff; no, not ready for prime time just yet. Some maybees...
"From the Rockies to the North Pacific shore" isn't "all around" You need something more like "New England's rocky shore, at least for location; Can you come up with "locaters" that are specific, and neither obscure nor too cliched?
I don't envision a hobo driving the roads;
"I rode the rails, I roamed the roads", or
"I rode the rods, I roamed the roads" ?
The rest of the content of the verses works quite well for me.
The chorus? If'n it was me... I would go with the wording of the last two times, except: "wasted" all my time has a little too much negative, down, feeling for me.
"Doin' fine, just puttin' in my time
Gettin' by, got nothin' on my mind
            ....nothin' on my mind.
Other wise, I like the wording and flow of the chorus really well except that, for me, having the "fine" and the "by" as quite that protracted, or quite that much of a howl, doesn't fit the overall mood that well.
I like the last verse, particularly, so well that I hope you don't just toss it.
                  Dean


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: maeve
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 08:55 PM

Your notes are thoughtful and perceptive, Dean. Nice work!

maeve


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 08:59 PM

Dean
AWESOME suggestion my dear friend, you put your finger on what was bugging me about it ... just wrote it 10 minutes before I posted so I have been puzzled on what I didn't like, can could not put my finger on the problem but I didn't like the flow of the verse ... you nailed it ... great job


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: Melissa
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 09:02 PM

I heard it as the guy being 'wasted'..not the Time and kind of liked that he could either be drunk or not being put to good use.



I think you're going to come up with a good one from this, Dan.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 09:34 PM

thanks melissa , your interpretation was right as i intended but should fix it to smooth it out


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: frogprince
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 11:35 PM

Okay, I thought I had copied all the lyric carefully, but I put down "wasted all my time", and it's really "all the time", clear as anything.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: open mike
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 11:46 PM

quite a ramble......but i kept looking for the circus clown!
the song really gives you the feeling of being on the move...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: katlaughing
Date: 04 Mar 10 - 11:57 PM

I was going to say pretty much what Dean said. I don't think of a hobo as "wasting" his time and I thought fine and by were held just a tad too long. I do think you will come out with another great song from this. Thanks for letting us in on the ground floor.*bg*


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 12:04 AM

Kat it was suppose to be wasted all the time, I am going to rewrite the line cause I to don't think it fits well, I got to smooth out the lyrics a bit for sure ...

do you folks think the simple melody is ok?

holding the by and the fine too long for sure, it annoys me also. It was my first recording test on this one. I didn't care for it much but wanted to run it by others before trashing. Now it sounds like it is worth fixing maybe


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 12:20 AM

Yes, I like the melody...it has *your* sound to it, which is the true mark of originality.:-)

I don't think I'd like "wasted all the time" either. It's just not how I think of a hobo. Yes, I DO think you will get a good song out of this!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: frogprince
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 12:27 AM

Worth fixing; not just "maybe." I like the melody just like it is; if you decide to tweak it at all, go real easy on it, so I don't hate you for messing it up.

"From the hills in San Francisco, to New England's rocky shore" ?

"Feelin' fine, just whilein' 'way the time" ?

Doggone it, I gotta cut it out and get to bed!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 08:20 AM

thanks dean and Kat   :-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: Amergin
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 08:41 AM

Well, I took the wasted all my time meant that he didn't have much to do...but let it go by.



but yeah the words fine and by are stretched out way too long....found it rather off putting.

But hell, I liked it for the most part.

My input maybe "From the coalmines of Kentucky to the wild Pacific shore"

but anyway, it's your song, enjoy it's birth.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 10:43 AM

NEW VERSION Replaced he old one, smoothed the lyrics a bit, tamed it down a tad, getting there. The link I originally posted works for the new version

Thanks so much
Dan


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 10:47 AM

Listening to a lot of old Harry Songs, 30 years now he passed away

I have to tell you this story, Last night I woke up, in my head I could hear Harry Chapin chuckling ... Ah Dan it is "Watching Life Go By"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: kendall
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 11:21 AM

It has potential.Just needs a bit of honing.

This reminds me of the man who built a boat in his yard. Wasn't real sure of what he was doing, so every time a neighbor stopped by with a suggestion he changed what he had done to fit the suggestion.."You shouldn't overlap that garboard strake like that"... or that hornbeam is gonna leak like hell...etc.
Finally, he launched his boat and it sank like a rock. He just left it where it was and started over.
First time a neighbor stopped by with a suggestion the man pointed to the sunken boat and said, "There's your boat, this one is mine" and did what he wanted to do in the first place.
The new one floated.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 11:23 AM

Needs work Capt for sure ... still don't like it ... but it will fit in the bottom drawer with the others for sure LOl ... Love the story .. that was awesome LOL ...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 11:31 AM

I keep thinking Rodger Miller "roses are red and violets are purple"
LOL, I got a whole bottom drawer of the bad ones ... one more will fit in there cause I buying a bigger drawer LOL ... gotta fix the pickin also ... same pattern, driving me nuts ..

Jerry told me once write what you know ... maybe I should stick to "beer bait and ammo" songs ... LOL


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: frogprince
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 11:49 AM

I sorta tried to resist more suggestions, as Kendall's parable really is to the point. But I do have one piddlin' little quibble now: I think you sang "I thought one day I'd settle down, but I am made that way". Was that intentional? I'm sure the sense, and feel, was right before, with "but I'm not made that way".

Otherwise, I should no more tell you not to touch up the details on your boat than to tell you to change them, but I think it sails along so pretty just as it is now, I keep wanting to watch it go by.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 12:32 PM

Dean   aint was supposed to be there but I sang it wrong and did't redo it LOL


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: New olddude song - need help
From: olddude
Date: 05 Mar 10 - 12:33 PM

got a little more smoothing to do LOL


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
  Share Thread:
More...

Reply to Thread
Subject:  Help
From:
Preview   Automatic Linebreaks   Make a link ("blue clicky")


Mudcat time: 23 February 2:21 AM EST

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.