BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 05:44 PM

"There's no I in team"
.... but ME is always right back in there.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: gnu
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 01:20 PM

Well, if we're gonna quote... "that" is like tryin ta shove butter up a wildcat's ass with a hot poker.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: kendall
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 12:19 PM

Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades is an old one that I first heard as a boy.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Guy Wolff
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 09:23 AM

One day when I was In the middle of an article with the New York TImes about what it took to be in the arts ><><><>< Walking into my pottery shop from a Saab 9000 and $200 Italian shoes a guy sniffed in the air looked at me and my guest and said :

"God I wish I had your life-style " So I looked back and said "God I wish I had your medical Insurence !"

. The little hykoo went into the paper ..

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: olddude
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 08:51 AM

"The function of music is to free the mind from the tyranny of conscious thought."    (Kendall)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 08:34 AM

There's no I in team, however there is one in kiss my ass.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 09 Apr 10 - 08:05 AM

That previous post -

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Smokey.
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 05:42 PM

Idleness is the grandmother of invention.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: olddude
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 01:40 PM

"He has his head so far up his arse people think he is a midget"
(Bruce I think on one of the political thread)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 01:25 PM

He couldn't organize an orgy in a whorehouse with a handful of hundred dollar bills and a half dozen drunk sailors.

If I didn't make that up I musta forgot I heard it SOMEwhere.

I don't get no respect... the other day I went to a whorehouse at noon but a sign on the door said, "Gone to lunch, go fuck yourself."

I know who wrote that but I can't say.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: olddude
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 12:26 PM

"I can see Mudcat from were I live"
    Joe Offer (I think)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: GUEST,bankley
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 11:52 AM

she's so loose and easy, she turns the light on after sex by opening the car door.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: olddude
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 10:32 AM

"The older I get, the lower they fall"   One of the catter women

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: clueless don
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 09:35 AM

On 05 Apr 10 - 11:21 PM, GUEST,Guest from Sanity wrote:

Hell, he was shaking like a dog shittin' carpet tacks!

I have also heard this one with "razor blades" or "peach pits" substituted for the carpet tacks.

Don

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Leadfingers
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 09:22 AM

He's educated beyond his intelligence !

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 08 Apr 10 - 05:29 AM

If me auntie had bollocks she'd be me uncle

(to someone who is "what-iffing").

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: kendall
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 05:27 PM

That's a Newfoundland expression. Must be spoken not read.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: MMario
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 12:11 PM

Whale Oil Beef Hooked (WOBH) - kendall

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Art Thieme
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 12:04 PM

They were so poor they had to use the same car for Drivers Ed and sex education.

Art

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 07 Apr 10 - 06:28 AM

We're always in the shit - only the depth varies.

In faecam aeternam summus - solii profundi variat.

It they had brains they'd be dangerous.

How much do you charge to haunt a house ?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: kendall
Date: 06 Apr 10 - 06:54 AM

Circus fat man,
He was so big you would need to take a lunch to walk around him.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: katlaughing
Date: 06 Apr 10 - 02:09 AM


...and the hen laid the same egg three times. (That's some wind.)

or, maybe she'd had a lot of beans...:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 11:21 PM

Hell, he was shaking like a dog shittin' carpet tacks!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: kendall
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 07:53 PM

Bob L that was Rodney Dangerfield.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: GUEST,bankley
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 06:14 PM

Earl's so dumb, he bought a pair of water skis, now he's out looking for a lake with a slope...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: GUEST,Bob L
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 05:08 PM

Who was it said "My folks were so poor that if I hadn't been a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with"?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 04:58 PM

Oh yeah, Bankley? Well I heard people in Tennessee were so dumb they couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the directions on the heel. Most of the folks in Southern Kentucky had to move out of Northern Tennessee because the ground was so poor you had to sit on a bag of manure to raise an umbrella.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: GUEST,bankley
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 03:24 PM

driving north on the backroads from Tennessee the other day there was no sign to tell us that we crossed the state line into Kentucky

I said "You see, they're so poor up here they can't afford signs so you have to welcome yourself "

I guess you had to be there...

JT once said, "Man some of the folks were so poor that when they died, they had to bring their own dirt to pack themselves in"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: kendall
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 02:54 PM

I don't belong to an organized party; I'm a democrat. Will Rogers

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Art Thieme
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 11:53 AM

Utah used to say, "If elections could really change anything, they'd be illegal!" (I've used it ever since I heard it.)


Art

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Art Thieme
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 11:50 AM

...and the hen laid the same egg three times. (That's some wind.)

Art

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: kendall
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 07:10 AM

The wind blew so hard it blew two rooster feathers through a grindstone.(My Uncle Curt)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Allan C.
Date: 05 Apr 10 - 06:12 AM

I used this one for years before I found out that it originated with Kendall Morse:

It was so cold that the pan of boiling water I set out on the stoop froze so fast the ice was still warm!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Art Thieme
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 09:56 PM

Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows!

Art

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Art Thieme
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 09:54 PM

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, stuff it into a flea's navel, and still have room left over for three caraway seeds and an agent's heart.


Art

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 08:25 PM

Bat Goddess - my friend says "If life gives you lemons, stick them in your T-shirt to make your chest look bigger."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 02:47 PM

The lemonade one was in a "Funny Dog" photo submitted a few months ago on a BS thread. I decided to actually spell the words correctly instead of "rap speak".

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: kendall
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 02:20 PM

One of my favorites:

"I don't care what they do, as long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses." (Lady Campbell, England)


"It's well to remember that for one tiny exception, the universe is made up of others."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 01:55 PM

"Ya-Ya Sisterhood novels is "Life is short...but wide." BatGoddess

Hmmm. I never read any of those novels but even if I had, the sentiment is opposite to my contention. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 01:23 PM

This old thread has a lot of good ones: Gallery of Mudcat Quotations

Including, for example, this excellent piece of advice from the ever-missed Rick Fielding: "I've squeezed Crazy Glue into more than one Juke Box in bars where I was playing. It worked. In each place they had to remove the machine to fix it."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 01:18 PM

Sources would be appreciated.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 01:13 PM

"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade, but unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade is going to suck."

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 01:08 PM

Ebbie, a line from one of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood novels is "Life is short...but wide."

I use it on one of my sig boxes.

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: kendall
Date: 04 Apr 10 - 11:43 AM

He looks like he was poured into his clothes and forgot to say "When."

He looked like he was in the middle of a sex change and the power went off.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: olddude
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 11:25 PM

from kendall

"this is america, he has the right to be an asshole"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 11:17 PM

Art Thieme's deathless album title, The Older I Get, the Better I Was.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 09:52 PM

Only dead fish go with the flow- Sarah Palin

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Peter T.
Date: 03 Apr 10 - 04:31 PM

Someone's warped definition from a thread I can't remember:

"I never saw no horse at no open mike night."

Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: kendall
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 08:51 PM

After two major bouts with the surgeons I have to admit,
"I'm not the man I used to think I was."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: GUEST,Songbob
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 03:05 PM

The high cost of living has, somehow, not affected its popularity.

Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: The Sandman
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 03:00 PM

the last good bye: are you the same Dick Miles?
no, sorry he is the famous one, I am the infamous one.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: olddude
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 12:45 PM

I think Kendall said this one

"If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless ? "

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: olddude
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 12:42 PM

"when life gives you lemons ... throw them at the postman"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: olddude
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 12:38 PM

"look in the mirror and repeat over and over , I am a bumble Dick"

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: olddude
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 12:37 PM

talking about a lawn chair and I got this:
"I prefer Lawn Cheney over Dick Cheney" (Ron Bankley)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Ebbie
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 12:07 PM

yoicks

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: frogprince
Date: 02 Apr 10 - 11:57 AM

If a partial line is admissable, Ebbie's "...the sound of a distant toilet flushing" is way up among the all-time greats.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: GUEST,hg
Date: 01 Apr 10 - 11:57 PM

" No problem so small it can't be blamed on your mother..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Apr 10 - 11:56 PM

One original to me, sfaik, is 'It wouldn't be so bad that life is so short if only it were wider."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: olddude
Date: 01 Apr 10 - 10:10 PM

I also liked Dan line on the Captains thread
"talk about being to cheap to holler"

Subject: BS: Mudcat One Liners Hall of Fame
From: olddude
Date: 01 Apr 10 - 10:08 PM

I propose we start a mudcatters one liner hall of fame. There is just so many great lines though out the years we have document them. I start off with a

Thiemeism "If it weren't fer time, we would have to do everything all at once" or "If yer memory starts to go , well just ferget it"

Captain has a million of them ... Jerry has a million of them

lets get em rolling