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Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 7

mousethief 21 Sep 10 - 08:23 PM
Georgiansilver 22 Sep 10 - 11:25 AM
GUEST,Grishka 23 Sep 10 - 09:51 AM
Nigel Parsons 23 Sep 10 - 11:29 AM
Matthew Edwards 23 Sep 10 - 11:47 AM
Amos 23 Sep 10 - 11:58 AM
Georgiansilver 23 Sep 10 - 12:23 PM
McGrath of Harlow 23 Sep 10 - 02:11 PM
Uncle_DaveO 23 Sep 10 - 02:21 PM
Amos 23 Sep 10 - 03:07 PM
mousethief 24 Sep 10 - 10:22 PM
mousethief 26 Sep 10 - 12:36 AM
Trapper 27 Oct 10 - 01:17 PM
mousethief 10 Nov 10 - 12:06 AM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: mousethief
Date: 21 Sep 10 - 08:23 PM

SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7

Time once again to write funny songs, which you all do so well! Here's this week's story:

Montana teen accidentally texts sheriff to buy pot

Helena, Mont. -- General rule of thumb: when looking to buy marijuana, don't text the sheriff. Authorities said a Helena teen hit a wrong number and inadvertently sent a message to Lewis and Clark County Sheriff Leo Dutton, saying "Hey Dawg, do you have a $20 I can buy right now?"

A detective pretending to be the dealer organized a meeting at a time when the boy knew he and another teen would be at a particular store.

The detective spotted two teenage boys and one of the boy's fathers ? who was unaware of what was going on ? at the store. He called the phone number three times to make sure he had the right person. Dutton said when the detective showed the teens his badge, one of the boys fainted.

No citations were issued after the parents of the boys, who were 15 and 16, got involved.


Of course the story doesn't say definitively that the sheriff doesn't grow pot. Maybe it wasn't a wrong number at all, but somebody was looking over the sheriff's shoulder when he got the message, so he had to make up something on the spot? Nah.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Sep 10 - 11:25 AM

I texted the sheriff,
But I didn't text no deputy, oh no Oh.
I texted the sheriff,
But I didn't text no deputy,ooh ooh, oo-ooh.
Yeah, all around Lewis town,
They're trying to track me down.
Wanted marijuna for $20 you know,
But I contacted the wrong guy,
He arranged to meet nearby.

Oh, now, now, OH
I texted the sheriff
But I swear it was an accident
Oh. no! (ooh ooh.oo-ooh) Yeah.
He met me in the convenience store,
There he grassed to my parent!
Yeah! (ooh ooh oo-ooh) Yeah.

Sheriff Leo Dutton must'a hated me
For what yes I know.
I just tried to buy some pot,
But he killed it before ya know.
Yes he killed it before ya know.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 09:51 AM

Georgiansilver, very good! I think I am entitled to grant you the Silver Gun Smoke Award, grass-flavoured!

Also, I award the Golden Grin to all Challengees collectively, in the name of the Lurkers' Society. To mention just one: Genie's pun on "the John" in CHALLENGE Fit 3 was great for its quick-wittedness; Golden Toilet Paper!

A CHALLENGE is more fun if the audience can sometimes be heard applauding, I think. Since English is a foreign language for me, I cannot claim to be a good juror or critic; may I encourage other readers to assist mousethief in these roles?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 11:29 AM

TTTO: Don't jump off the roof dad.

Don't buy from the Law mate.
They can't supply what you need.
They won't sell marijuana,
'Poppers', E, 'downers' or weed.
Guns, truncheons (night sticks) and mace, mate,
Are just about all that they've got
Just come outside the back door mate
Where we've got some quality pot.

Don't shop with your dad mate.
Parents think drugs should be drunk.
And don't transact with that copper,
Your pal there might faint in a funk.
If you must score a wrap mate,
Get rid of your dad, do a bunk
I'll be in the second floor gents, mate.
Where I've got some quality skunk.

Don't place your order by phone, mate.
Your texting skills are just crap.
Get the 'fuzz' on the old 'dog 'n' bone' mate.
You might find them setting a trap.
They could get you inside, mate.
For possessing just one small wrap
Or, if your dad gets you off, mate.
You might get away with a slap.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 11:47 AM

Nice one, Nigel!

@Georgiansilver; very cool! I think Bob Marley would like that one!

Thanks to Grishka for the comments on the Challenges; I have sometimes wondered whether anybody else actually reads them, but they're just kind of fun to do anyway! Your English reads pretty well to me - please feel free to join in and add to the fun.

The Boy in the Hood and the Sheriff of Montana

The boy in the hood to the market was bound,
With a link and a down and a day;
He said to his friend, 'I have money to spend,
Some good grass let us get for today.'

Now the boy in the hood was a foolish young boy,
And a foolish young boy was he;
For the message he sent, to Sheriff Dutton it went,
'Pray get you some good grass for me.'

'Soon granted, soon granted,' the sheriff replied,
'Some good grass I'll give unto thee,
If your dollars are real then you've got a deal,
If you'll meet in the market with me.'

And the Sheriff has called on his very best man,
And sent him out into the street;
'By the old market hall, this number do call,
So the boy in the hood you may meet.'

The sheriff's deputy put on a ragged old coat,
And off to the market he went;
And down there he stood till the boy in the hood,
Came along with his foolish intent.

Three times he called on the boy in the hood,
Three times the number called he;
And the boy in the hood he didn't feel good,
When he saw the badge of that deputy.

He turned to his friend, saying 'This is the end,'
And he fell to the ground in a swoon;
And when he came to, his dad was there too,
'Just wait, son, until we get home.'

'No grass! no grass!' said the deputy,
'No grass shall I give unto you.
I would throw you in jail without any bail,
But your father knows just what to do.'

'A warning! a warning! young boy in the hood,
A warning now take it from me;
Never more deal in grass or it may come to pass,
That next time you may not go free.'

Matthew

(Sorry but I couldn't spin it out for the traditional 400+ verses!)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 11:58 AM

Masterful, Matthew!!



A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 12:23 PM

Thanks Matthew and impressed with your contribution!!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 02:11 PM

This one is going well!

"Parents think drugs should be drunk." Neat.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 02:21 PM

Matthew, from the very second line I could see/hear your familiarity with ballad tradition/history, and well-played!

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 10 - 03:07 PM

When I'm texting you-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo
Will you follow through-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo?
When I'm calling you - oo-oo-oo ...
Will you answer too - oo-oo-oo ...
That means I offer my cash to you, that I have hid
If you will only come through, bring me a lid!
But if when you hear my text ringing your tone
And you show up at the mall, man, show up alone.
Then I will know our deal will go through
Your grass for me, my dough for you !

When I'm texting you-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo
Will you answer true-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo?
Be the one say that you are on your cell?
If you're someone else that could really be hell!
Answer my SMS, I know that only you can!
Be who you say, don't end up being the Man!
How would you feel if someone you truly had trusted
Said you could score, and ended up saying "You're busted!"?
Oh, let me know that our deal will go through-oo-ooo
Good grass for me and twenty more dollars for you!

(Apologies to Nelson Eddy, who thought grass was for raising cows)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: mousethief
Date: 24 Sep 10 - 10:22 PM

A fleet of Silver BLOBS!
  • A lamentory BLOB to Georgiasilver for the rueful
    He met me in the convenience store,
    There he grassed to my parent!
  • A wink-winky BLOB to Nigel Parsons for the wry observation:
    Parents think drugs should be drunk.
  • A pained BLOB to Matthew Edwards for the horrific:
    And when he came to, his dad was there too,
    'Just wait, son, until we get home.'
  • And lastly a great white northern BLOB to Amos for the foreboding foreshadowing:
    Be the one say that you are on your cell?
    If you're someone else that could really be hell!
Keep up the good work, lads and lasses!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: mousethief
Date: 26 Sep 10 - 12:36 AM

Fit 7 winners -- on time this time!

The Golden Cow Chip Award with with Mt. Rainier Medallion (for closely and hilariously following the pattern of its original) is hereby awarded to:
  • Georgiansilver for "I texted the sheriff"
  • Amos for "Indian Phone Call" (if I may coin a title)

The Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (for making the Judges fall on the floor laughing OR make them short out their keyboard with tears) is hereby awarded to:
  • Nigel Parsons for "Don't buy from the Law mate"
  • Matthew Edwards for "The Boy in the Hood and the Sheriff of Montana"


Yahoo! This is great fun. Moving on now to Fit 8 -- I'm sure y'all won't disappoint!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: Trapper
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 01:17 PM

Perfect tune, GeorgianSilver!

Nigel - great advice!

Matthew - did they have 'pot in Jolly Olde? VERY funny: "Three times the number called he..."

Amos - Jeannette and Nelson would be proud!


Here's my humble submission - late, as always...

Trapper


CHIZZILLIN'
Tune: WILLIN' - by Lowell George (Little Feat)
New Words: Trapper (Al Boyce) 10/27/2010


I've been punked by my dad, flunked by my teach
Dumped by my girlfriend - so she's out of reach
But I'm still ... chizzillin.
Rollin' with my brah late last night
Pressin' the digits of my homie so tight
Leto -- Bozeman Leto!


CHORUS:
I've texted Lester and Leopolda
Letitia and Lemuel
Twittered every doper kid in Helena's tenth grade
Surfed out to Facebook, but I never got 'made
So if you got weed, I'd be fine
I'll give you two dimes
Yes, I'd be chizzillin'


He told us to meet him at the drug store
Who knew mom's baby daddy would be there to score
some ointment... (you don't wanna know!)
My phone starts to blow up, but it wasn't Leto
It was the HEAT, Sheriff LEO - the FUZZ!
(SPOKEN: Damn sticky "T" key!)

(to CHORUS)


Slang help here...


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 7
From: mousethief
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 12:06 AM

A BLOB and a Golden Cow Chip with Guinness Crest to Trapper!

And a proof that those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it: Looking for drugs, NY man calls cops by mistake.


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