Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 9

Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: mousethief
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 01:13 AM

SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9

You genii are doing great! Let's keep the ball rolling.... Here's this week's goofy story:

Parrot squawks on cheating lover's affair

A devastated Englishman learned the horrible truth that his girlfriend was cheating on him - straight from his pet parrot's mouth.

Chris Taylor's parrot Ziggy began squawking "Hiya, Gary" every time his girlfriend Suzy Collins's mobile phone rang.

The African Grey also made kiss noises each time it heard the name Gary on television or radio.

At first amused owner Mr Taylor, a computer programmer, dismissed it as something the bird had picked up watching TV.

But then he snuggled up beside Suzy on the sofa in their flat in Leeds and Ziggy cried out in Suzy's voice "I love you, Gary." The cat was finally out of the bag.

Call-center worker Ms Collins, 25, broke down in tears and confessed to having a four-month fling with a former colleague. She had met her lover in the flat while Ziggy looked on.

Her confession ended their two-year relationship. It also led to 30-year-old Mr Taylor parting company with his pet - because it kept screeching out her lover's name.

(There's more of the story on the link)

Okay, Challengees! can you write a funny song (or two or...) about this story? I'm sure you can!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Oct 10 - 02:43 AM

To the tune of "If I Was A Blackbird"

Oh I am a parrot, for Chris I did sing.
I grassed up his Suzy for the trouble she'd bring.
Her boyfriend called Gary, He came to the house,
Without my Chris knowing, oh ain't he a louse!

Now Suzy and Gary I've watched with disdain,
That she was his mistress, I witnessed quite plain.
But when I had learnt all I needed to know,
I grassed up those cheaters now she's had to go!

Now there's still a problem the story's not dead,
I can't get that Garys name out of my head.
I shouted it often, for no reason it's true,
So now poor old Chris has got rid of me too!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 05:32 AM

Must be someone else ready to have a go at this surely

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: GUEST,Murphy
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 06:53 AM

Well shiver up me timbers, deal the dead man from the Tarot
Here I stands and I limbers beside a squawking parrot.
Me lover, she lies struttin' in a Kama Sutra pose
While I lose half me buttons as I tear off me clothes.

Then I'm at it while the green birds keeps on shouting "Go on Gary"
And I satisfy the keen bird, then she says "When shall we marry"?
Well, I'v left there like a rocket after tidying the scene
With my buttons in my pocket, play it safe - know what I mean?

But that parrot blew me cover and me name has turned to mud
Now her boyfriend seeks her lover and he's thirsty for me blood.
Well, the next time I go shafting, I'll be checking for the Cage
While I leave her there still laughing and avoid the boyfriend's rage.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 10:48 AM

If your talking bird's repeating
What he hears while you are cheating
On your boyfriend there will be a nasty fight

So when your lover's over
And you're rolling in the clover
Make sure the bird is safely out of sight

Now before you grin and bear it
Lock the parrot in the garret
If your lover's coming over tonight

While you enjoy your lover's fitness
Don't forgot the winged witness
Who soon will bust you just for spite

For your boyfriend gets suspicious
When his parrot, quite malicious
Is heard echoing the sounds of your delight

So before you grin and bear it
Lock the parrot in the garret
If your lover's coming over tonight

While you're sucking faces
And sharing fond embraces
Your wildest fancy's taking flight

Just know that dirty bird
Is going to spread the word
Nothing you can say can make it right

So before you grin and bear it
Lock the parrot in the garret
If your lover's coming over tonight

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 03:38 PM

The aspect of this that has been missed, I believe, is the parrot's motivation. THis Gary fellow wanted to settle down and marry the girl, but she was tied up with the other guy and wouldn't break his heart. So Gary went out and bought some Pure Corn and Grain Parrot Treats and kept them in his pockets (when he had any) while viting the lass. As a result of this delectable incentive, the parrot learned whatever Gary wanted him to.

His plan worked and he will end up marrying the girl and getting just what he deserves...

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 05 Oct 10 - 06:41 PM

Congratulations to Georgiansilver for another brilliant flying start! A complete composition within 90 minutes! Well done Mike!

Welcome to Murphy, and good to see Neil D coming back strongly too.

There are a few examples of talking birds in folksong so I hope there are lots more songs to come. I recently enjoyed hearing Mrs Folkiedave sing Old Maid in the Garret which features a parrot (or did she sing "If I canna get a man then I'll have to get a carrot"?)

I expect Suzy in the news story would want to create her own version of Edith Wheeler's song My Singing Bird.

"If I could lure my singing bird
From his own cosy cage;
If I could catch my singing bird
I would kill him in a rage,
For there's none of them can snitch on a cheat
My singing bird as you."

Matthew

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Oct 10 - 12:30 PM

Thank you Matthew, Thank you Matthew, Thank you Matthew, Who's a pretty boy then? LOL I enjoy your compositions too.... I guess I love creativity in any form. Best wishes, Mike.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 11:31 AM

What has happened to the illustrious Mousethief??

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 11:48 AM

He was turned in to the coppers
And they took Mousthief away
For the officer's deposition swears
That his parrot did to him say
"Oh, Mousethief is a burglar!
A no-good rotten louse!
For he has stolen all the meese
We had within this house!
He took them without warning
On his evil stealing spree!
And ever since, the fucking cat
Has had her eye on me!!"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 12:15 PM

I'm here! I was just having a word with Strider in the corner!

And here are some Silver BLOBs I had in my rucksack:

• An "If I were a carpenter" BLOB to Georgiansilver for the sad and sorry:
  I shouted it often, for no reason it's true,
  So now poor old Chris has got rid of me too!
• A piratical BLOB to Murphy for the sardonic,
  Then I'm at it while the green birds keeps on shouting "Go on Gary"
  And I satisfy the keen bird,
• A well-advised BLOB to Neil D for the exquisitely rhymed,
  So before you grin and bear it
  Lock the parrot in the garret
• A short BLOB to Matthew Edwards for the impassioned,
  For there's none of them can snitch on a cheat
  My singing bird as you.
• And finally a somewhat misdirected BLOB to Amos for the frightening,
  And ever since, the fucking cat
  Has had her eye on me!!

Keep up the good work! Some excellent rhyming and structure this week -- you are a talented lot! I'll see if I can come up with something myself to entertain the troops.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 12:42 PM

Escape (The Extra Birdseed Song)
with apologies to Rupert Holmes

Was getting tired of my boyfriend
I know that sounds kinda crass
But my live-in boyfriend
Had become a pain in the ass

But I hate confrontation
I could never just say
"I don't love you no more
So I'm going away"

So one day while he was working
I got a beautiful plan
I'd teach his bird to say new things
He'd think I had a new man

(chorus)
If you would like extra bird seed
And pretty toys from the shop
Just repeat what I tell you
And then don't ever stop
Just wake my boyfriend up at midnight
With the words on this tape
Just say "I love you Gary"
And I'll make my escape

Now I don't have a new boyfriend
That surprised you, it's plain
I just picked "Gary" at random
From a website of baby names

I started training the parrot
To say "Gary" a bunch
He learned several new phrases
Over many a lunch

(repeat chorus)

But my boyfriend's so clueless
It took him over a week
To realize what his parrot
Was trying to say with its beak

But finally the oaf got it
And just stood there agape
He pointed me to the front door
And I made my escape!

(repeat chorus)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 12:51 PM

LOL, ALex!! Definitely worth a LARGE BLOB!!!! for "Now I don't have a new boyfriend
That surprised you, it's plain
I just picked "Gary" at random
From a website of baby names
"




A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: mousethief
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 05:19 PM

bump

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Oct 10 - 06:32 PM

Interest in the contest appears to be dropping off. It's the recession.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: mousethief
Date: 10 Oct 10 - 09:23 PM

Fit 9 winners -- repeat after me!

The Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (for making the Judges fall on the floor laughing OR make them short out their keyboard with tears) is hereby awarded to:

• Georgiansilver for "Oh I Am a Parrot"
• Neil D for "Grin and Bear It"
• Amos for "He was turned in to the coppers"
• Matthew Edwards for "My Singing Bird"

The Golden Cow Chip Award with Memorial MMario Silverplated Spittoon (for evoking an instantaneous bubbling up of frothy mirth from out of the lips of the Judges and onto their monitor screen) is hereby awarded to:

• Murphy for "Shiver Me Timbers"

Back in a flash with a link to the new contest.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: mousethief
Date: 10 Oct 10 - 09:30 PM

Come see us over at Fit 10!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: Trapper
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 12:29 PM

b>POLLY WOLLY DIDDLE
New words by Al Boyce 6/25/2001

Oh, I went down south for to see my folks
My husband and my mynah bird stayed
In my bed he was giving his mistress strokes,
And Polly watched him diddle all the day.

Chorus:
Fare thee well, Fare thee well,
Fare thee well, my Li Wang Hei
For I'm goin' to my lawyer, with Polly on my shoulder
Cause Polly watched you diddle all the day.

He said "I love you" and "DIVORCE"
And Polly watched him diddle all the day.
The bird learned all these words of course
'Cause Polly watched him diddle all the day.

My lawyer's case would not be heard
And Polly watched him diddle all the day.
So I moved out and flipped Wang the bird...
'Cause Polly watched him diddle all the day.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: Trapper
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 12:33 PM

Sorry! I meant to PREVIEW that last entry, but accidentally POSTED it straight away instead! It was a parody I wrote for a similar story in the original Song Challenge! - for
Song Challenge #56.

Hope you enjoy the re-tread!

- Al

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 28 Nov 10 - 07:53 PM

A little late for this challenge, But ...

A year or two ago, at the BBC club in cardiff, Frank Hennessey (our host) told a joke about a man whose parrot ruins his family wife.
By the time I got called upon to sing (within 2 hours) I had put the whole tale to music. (Tune: Llwyn Onn [the Ash Grove])

A woman who was lonely and wanted some comp'ny
Bought a parrot from a pet shop and took it away.
It came from a brothel; its language was offal
She swore she'd return it the following day.
But when she revealed it, Its fate it was sealed, it ...
Said, "You're quite the looker, like no-one before."
So she thought she'd keep it, as she went to sleep, it
Thought "she's better looking than any old whore".

The very next day, when the bird met her daughters
It had to compare them to previous 'girls'.
It said " These are beauties, you must be so proud
Of these lovely young women, a true pair of pearls."
But then it upset her. Gave cause to regret her
great love of this parrot, and Oh! how it hurt.
For as the door opened; and in walked her husband.
The bird was unruffled, and said "Hello Bert"!

Cheers

Nigel

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: mousethief
Date: 29 Nov 10 - 12:20 AM

Very nice! Very funny. You may have a late Silver BLOB! Don't stop here, please give us more of your handiwork on our other threads!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 9
From: Genie
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 05:02 PM

Very funny entries so far!

I'm toying with a couple ideas but will have to ponder the details of this bird-brained story a bit later,

Neil, what is the tune for your lyrics? Most of the verses seem to fit "Humoresque" - at least the "Passengers will please refrain" portions of that piece - but some don't, so I'm wondering if it's based on a particular melody.   It's pretty funny even without knowing the tune, though.