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BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Bert Date: 30 Aug 99 - 03:17 PM I know it sounds like him butit couldn't have been OUR 'Spaw - He'd have rolled up laughing if he'd received such banter from a waitress. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Roger in Baltimore Date: 30 Aug 99 - 03:12 PM Such a small world! Margarita once waited on Catspaw's table! Big RiB |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Margo Date: 30 Aug 99 - 02:14 PM Jeramiah, that is too funny! And once in a dory. Rick, If someone asked me how long the 90 minute tour was I'd be tempted to answer, "That depends on who is buried in Grant's tomb!" McMoo: LMAO! You could tell him that viagra would be easier!!!!
Oh you guys, I almost got fired for a retort of mine to an irritating customer at the cafe where I waitressed. He was being a general smart ass the whole time. When I walked by with a family's meals,plates up and down both arms, he yelled out, "Hey, you gotta match?" Without missing a beat I quipped, "Yeah, my dog and your face". I don't know why I wasn't fired that day. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Dave Swan Date: 30 Aug 99 - 01:59 PM When I built theatrical scenery for a living, the frequent question was "Is it going to look like that?" "Well no, that's why I'm still working on it." "What are you doing?" was always met with the standard scene shop response: "Building a rudder for a duck's ass." E.S. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Bert Date: 30 Aug 99 - 01:32 PM I was in Wal-Mart yesterday and I asked if they had any recordable mini-discs. The 'Stupid Answer' I got was "No, but we have the rewritable CDs" So I just said "Yeah, but THEY won't fit in my mini-disc recorder" Bert. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: annamill Date: 30 Aug 99 - 01:21 PM I have one pet peeve about this question. When I'm doing something totally obvious, like washing dishes, or watching TV, or making a bed, or sweeping the floor the question "What are you doing?" always results with the answer "Picking strawberries". People who know me well have come to expect the answer and just say "oh", others are usually nonplussed(I love this word). Love, annap |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: catspaw49 Date: 30 Aug 99 - 12:06 PM It'll give you plenty of time to make heron outfits. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Peter T. Date: 30 Aug 99 - 11:26 AM I am still getting out of traction from: "If there are no doors on the plane, how do we get in?" -- it is going to take me weeks to survive this thread. yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Lady McMoo Date: 30 Aug 99 - 11:25 AM A few years ago I was playing in a session and we were surprised to receive a request for "Varnish Me Foreskin" from a rather inebriated punter...it took a few minutes to work out that he wanted "Banish Misfortune" and a few minutes more before we could actually play it! mcmoo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Den Date: 30 Aug 99 - 09:17 AM Can you sing the Maple Leaf Forever? No after four hours I get tired.
I know Ireland is a small country but in a number of Irish clubs I've played in Canada I'm asked so your from Ireland do you know the Murphys from Dublin? I always say yes, I know everyone in Ireland and then make up really awful stories. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Andres Magre Date: 30 Aug 99 - 03:08 AM aahh.. did I separate those lines correctly using the line breaks ? Thanks |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Andres Magre Date: 30 Aug 99 - 02:20 AM In this world of globalization, employees are carefully trained to ask stupid questions to people. This is a kind of dramatization of what the employee asks, what the customer replies, and (in parenthesis) what the customer really thinks: E : Hi! C : Hi (Don't you know to say Good Evening?) C : One medium Combo #3, with Coke (I'm anticipating to questions, eh? ha! nothing left to doubt !) E : With Coke ? C : Yes (Are you deaf ? or just silly ?) E : Do you want to enlarge your meal for 50 cents more ? C : No, nothing else (If I wanted, I would have told you, stupid, because the size is clearly announced in all signs, and I told you MEDIUM ! AAARRGGHHHH!!) E: Do you want some desert, a chocolate sundae ? C: No, thanks (JUST GIMME THAT S**T OR I'LL KILL YOU NOW!) E: For here, or to carry ? C: For here (NOOOO, NOOO !!! IT'S ONLY TO SLAM IT ON YOUR HEAD!) E: It's $4.50 C: ... (and my time is $40.85) E: Your change is $5.50 Sir, wait a minute Here comes an interludio, during which the customer can listen to a similar dialog with the next two persons in the line, and try to calm down. E: Your Combo #3 medium with Coke, Sir. Do you want ketchup for your fries ? C: No, grmpff (YES, AND SOME CHOCOLATE FOR MY BEEF, AND A BIT OF AMMUNITION FOR MY MAGNUM - BAANG!! BAANG !! BAAANG!!!) More seriously, I think that modern managers hold long and expensive meetings to discuss and find the most stupid words to deal with customers, because they beleive that we, the public, are all morons and like to be treated like morons, we always ask for what we don't want, never know the price of things, never read signs, always pour down our meals, always suffer accidents at their stores, always forget important details, and always build up a discussion about our change. I propose them to be condemned to 20 years of forced repetition of their stupid dialogs. It would be justice. Best regards - escamillo@ciudad.com.ar
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: sophocleese Date: 29 Aug 99 - 09:49 PM My husband is a piper. After a particularly smoky night in a bar his kilt and sporran stank so next morning I hung them on the line to air out. One of my sons friends came home with him after school. He took one long, startled look at the sporran hanging there and asked, "Do you have a pet?" I smiled sweetly, answered "No dear" walked inside and howled with laughter. I wish I knew exactly what he was thinking. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Bill D Date: 29 Aug 99 - 09:03 PM An old friend of mine was a policeman for awhile...one day he was directing traffic...when he walked over to the curb during a light change, a small boy looked at him and asked.."What are you doing?"...my friend answered, with tongue in cheek.."I'm sitting on the curb, sewing buttons on a cake of soap. What are you doing?" without missing a beat, the kid replied.."I'm sitting there with you, helping." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Dave Swan Date: 29 Aug 99 - 08:08 PM When I volunteered at a wildlife re-hab facility, following the complete screaming, flapping snit of a red-tailed hawk who took a couple minutes of handling to calm down, a visitor asked "Is he real?" As I stood on the sidewalk outside of a burning building in helmet, gloves, coat, boots, covered in soot and replacing my air bottle with a new one, a bystander asked, "Are you a policeman?" "No sir, they are the ones who are still clean" My favorite, which I have heard at shootings, plane crashes, smoke scares, medical emergencies, auto accidents and suicides: "What happened?" As there are no train tracks in my district I now give the same answer every time. "Locomotive derailed." E.S.
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: WyoWoman Date: 29 Aug 99 - 01:07 PM Campfire -- funny, I wear the same outfit, only I'm a journalist. Not a discernible difference between your place and mine ... WW |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Jeri Date: 29 Aug 99 - 12:19 PM Bill D, if you didn't get invited to dinner, you probably gave the wrong answer! Re the doorknob testing - I have arrived at a meeting to find a bunch of other attendees standing outside. "We're waiting for someone to bring the key." I turned the knob and opened the door for them. (The room was normally kept locked.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Bill D Date: 29 Aug 99 - 10:59 AM just remembered!...though YOU may decide whether the question was stupid...or the questionee..*grin* years ago, I had just returned to Wichita Kans from my first foray to Wash DC, and I had acquired a bumper sticker reading.."Take an AUTOHARP player to dinner"...which I put on my 'harp case. One day, I was sitting in the park, waiting my turn to play in the local pick-up volleyball game and playing tunes, the case in front of me...up rides a pleasant young coed on a bicycle...stops in front of me...looks at me, the 'harp, the case...and as I finish the tune I was playing, asks..."What do you eat?" It took me a long few moments to connect the question to the bumper sticker, and to this day, I have NO idea what I answered! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Bill D Date: 29 Aug 99 - 10:46 AM when I was in high school, I played in the band...and because the marching band had early morning rehersal in the fall, band class was always first hour of the day so we could have up to 2 hours and not be late to other classes....well, the rest of the year, the band room, with all the expensive stuff, was always locked until someone with the key arrived...often just minutes before class..so, the first person to arrive would go to the door and try the knob............then #2 would arrive and ask, "is the room open?"...#1 would answer, "no, no one is here yet"...whereupon, # 2 would go to the door and try the knob...#3 would arrive and ask.."is the room open?"...#1 & #2 would reply, "no...still locked.." and # 3 would go to the door and try the knob.....well, you get the picture...sort of like a bench with a "wet paint" sign, only more so...you wonder what person 9 or 10 was thinking when they arrived to find people standing in the hall, arms full of boooks and musical instruments....and STILL asked "is the door open?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: bob schwarer Date: 29 Aug 99 - 07:02 AM At the old work place we had a daily 2 o'clock meeting which was apt to be changed for any number of "reasons". Standing gag line: "When is the 2 o'clock meeting"? Bob S. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: O'Boyle Date: 29 Aug 99 - 02:52 AM I worked at an amusement park at the tour booth. About 25 times a day someone would ask, "how long is the 90 minute tour?" My answer was always, "About an hour and a half." Most of the people did not get the joke and wnet on their way. I didn't last long there. Rick |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: campfire Date: 29 Aug 99 - 12:16 AM I'm sure I'm not the only one this happens to, but: I work at the Milwaukee Zoo. I wear a uniform that has printed, in letters 2 inches tall, on the left breast "Milwaukee County Zoo". I wear a windbreaker with "ZOO" in letters 9 inches tall on the back. I usually wear knee high rubber boots, and more often than not have that "animal aura" about me. And how often do you suppose I get asked: "Do you work here?" No, I'm making a fashion statement! campfire |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: snookadive Date: 28 Aug 99 - 10:19 PM Way ,way back in high school we were discussing curren t affairs in my history class and my teacher asked if anyone knew what the price of the pound was. I brilliantly answered that it was about $2.40 and the all-met football lineman sitting behind me inquired "Hey Dave, $2.40 a pound for what?" On a distantly related topic, "Best straight line you ever lucked into on a first date" , when my lady friend and I were seated in a restaurant last Saturday night the hostess told us that our servers' name was Summer and she'd be right with us . Five minutes passed and the hostess returned and asked if Summer had been with us yet . I responded,"No but if she doesn't get here soon her name will propbably change to autumn.". Watching all those You Bet Your Life reruns finally paid off. Did I get lucky due to that snappy rejoinder. A gentlemen never tells and neither do I. Regards , Snookadive |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Jen Date: 28 Aug 99 - 08:55 PM LOL, catspaw. That's a good ponderosa story. I'll have to share that one with my family. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: catspaw49 Date: 28 Aug 99 - 07:52 PM Yeah Wild Bill, I've also taught school, worked part time in a music store, sold tons of crappola for 2 auto equiment companies and a parts manufacturer, built dulcimers, repaired guitars and other string things, done some foster parent stuff and training things for prospective adoptive/foster parents...........but the BEST thing I did was marry Karen............and without her, there would have been no Tristan or Michael. Interesting thing on Whitehead.......It scares me when I think of some of OUR similarities, you and me. I need to go take some Zoloft.............**DOUBLE SIZE GRIN** I think my favorite guy, as I've said before, was the great "Stand Up Philosopher" ....Lenny Bruce. Kinda' summed it all up for me with: "There is only what is; what should be never existed." Looking to October with enthusiastic trepidation.(:+} Spaw
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: catspaw49 Date: 28 Aug 99 - 07:50 PM Yeah Wild Bill, I've also taught school, worked part time in a music store, sold tons of crappola for 2 auto equiment companies and a parts manufacturer, built dulcimers, repaired guitars and other string things, done some foster parent stuff and training things for prospective adoptive/foster parents...........but the BEST thing I did was marry Karen............and without her, there would have been no Tristan or Michael. Interesting thing on Whitehead.......It scares me when I think of some of OUR similarities, you and me. I need to go take some Zoloft.............**DOUBLE SIZE GRIN** I think my favorite guy, as I've said before, was the great "Stand Up Philosopher" ....Lenny Bruce. Kinda' summed it all up for me with: "There is only what is; what should be never existed." Looking to October with enthusiastic trepidation.(:+} Spaw
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Bill D Date: 28 Aug 99 - 07:08 PM "As for"Don't ask how a guy with a BA in Philosophy spends a career in the automotive repair business...... ". " What else would you do?? ;-) **BG**"
well, you would work in a salvage yard, or count beans, or work in a bookstore, or become a computer 'analyst', or build cabinets, or turn wood into art/craft objects..(that sort of covers the last 20-25 years..*VERY big grin*)....I got MY BA in Philosophy in 1969, and 30-40 graduate hours and ¼ of a masters thesis on Alfred North Whitehead before I realized they didn't |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: catspaw49 Date: 28 Aug 99 - 07:08 PM Thanks annap, but my guess is, they probably already know it. It's an old "inside" line. And I was happy in that industry, but never happier than when Denny and I had the shop. Most friends never do well in business together, but he was a special man and the relationship was special. When he died last November, a part of me went too. He had also gone on to other things in the business, but we talked often about the shop and longed for those days that we knew would not return. We were both lucky men to have had those wonderful times and my thoughts of him encompass only the best of what humanity and friendship can mean. And now, back to the thread............... A few weeks back, we stop at Ponderosa for supper. I asked the teenage girl behind the counter for some cream for my coffee. This turned out to be a stupid question. I had looked in the stainless bin thingy and all there was left was the ice to cool the little creamer containers. She stared down at the empty bin like it had just been deposited there by aliens. Since she wasn't moving, I thought I should elaborate........a real mistake. I said, "You know, that bin there with the ice...It holds the milk, the ice keeps it cool...........It's empty." She stares at me as though I am the alien and still doesn't move. Okay, I keep trying. "You know, cream? Milk? To put in my coffee. The milk goes in there and I get some to put into my coffee???" Suddenly it seems to dawn on her and she says she'll be right back. I turned to Karen, who's a bit incredulous herself, and make disparaging comments about the girl. Karen is chastising me for being a curmudgeon when Miss Ditz returns with an open pint of milk. I'm thinking, "Okay, so they're out of creamer," and reach to take it from her when...........have you got it figured out?................yeah, that's right,....she pours it into the bin with the half-melted ice! There is a 2 second pause before Karen and I look at each other and then are convulsed in laughter. It's so bad, that it takes a minute or so to get out, "Can I see the manager a minute?" Manager arrives and I, choking with laughter, try my best to tell the tale. He finally looks down and sees the bin, full of watery, icey milk and stares at Miss Ditz, then back at the bin, and after his own "pregnant pause," starts laughing himself. Nice fella'.......gave us a 25% discount saying the laugh was worth it. Spaw
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: bob schwarer Date: 28 Aug 99 - 01:47 PM First guy goes into a lumber yard and asks for a 2x4. Second guy says "how long do you want it"? First guy says, "probably forever". Bob S. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: annamill Date: 28 Aug 99 - 12:09 PM 'spaw, I am LMAO over your comment "I could jack up your radiator cap and slide a new car underneath it.". That's great. I know several mechs that will love it. As for"Don't ask how a guy with a BA in Philosophy spends a career in the automotive repair business...... ". What else would you do?? ;-) **BG** Love, annap |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: JedMarum Date: 28 Aug 99 - 11:43 AM I have to admit, the stupiest questions of all time sometimes come out of my mouth! When I was in my late teens, my girlfriend (now wife, thankfully) owned a '62 Plymouth Valiant ... a cool little V6 with a push button automatic transmission. I had managed to break the driver's side wing vent window, during the first year she owned it ... so we went off in search of a replacement. I stopped in junk yard after junk yard asking for a wing vent for her car - with no luck, until we finally found a place that specialized in used Plymouths (they bought and resold old phone company cars). When I walked up to the spare parts manager and asked, "Do you have any wings for a '62 Valiant?" I thought the guy was going to bust a gut laughing! "Hey Bob," he shouted into the back room, laughing all the time, "You gotta hear this!" Then turning to me, still laughing and wiping away the tears he said, "Go ahead, kid, ask Bob what you just asked me." Needless to say, by the time Bob came out of the back room I had figured out what was so funny, so Bob never got to hear the joke - from me that is. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Alice Date: 28 Aug 99 - 11:18 AM A friend of mine who is an opera singer and whose late husband was an Italian tenor used to perform duets quite a bit with her husband. At one performance, an audience member asked if they did requests and if they would sing the sextet from an opera. She looked at her husband, he looked at her, and then he leaned over to her and said, well you know the soprano part, I'll fake the other five. He also used to make up lyrics in Italian when he knew the audience had no clue what he was saying, and she would almost crack up laughing at the hilarious things he would come up with while they were singing. This same friend works for a few hours a week at a Rest Home. The elderly who live there are far more sophisticated than the staff. One clueless staff member was told that my friend has had a career in opera. The person said to my friend, I hear you sing opera. Maybe you could do 'your little act' for us sometime. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Sandy Paton Date: 28 Aug 99 - 10:55 AM Responding to a DAR type discussing her glorious ancestry, Kendall Morse observed, "Well, none of my ancestors came over on the Mayflower, but I had an aunt come across in a canoe once." (See "Newfoundland Traditions, above, from Jeremiah McCaw.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: WyoWoman Date: 28 Aug 99 - 10:51 AM I'm printing this out and giving it to all my reporters for advice on how NOT to interview, and how we of the "media" look when we haven't had the smarts or the commitment to do our homework. Great thread. WyoWoman |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Date: 28 Aug 99 - 09:37 AM ...touring a zoo with my son's young friends and some other folk (!) one young man about six,saw a huge king snake and asked the zookeeper "Can he tie himself in a knot?" harpy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Jeri Date: 28 Aug 99 - 09:22 AM As a newbie in the Air Force, I was always waiting for my supervisor to ask me to get some 'flight line.' I would have fetched them a kite, come back and said, "They don't sell the line separately. Do you wanna go fly it now?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: catspaw49 Date: 28 Aug 99 - 09:20 AM You know those folks at Mickey D's really piss me off RiB. I showed them that degree and they wouldn't even give me the Fries job!!! But on the other hand they said that my coffee would only be 89 cents. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: catspaw49 Date: 28 Aug 99 - 09:14 AM Hey General.........You might try this, worked with similar types we had out at our station. Put a tag on a key IDing it as "Vapor Lock"........Then hang it up somewhere and have him go get it. You get to screw with him either way. If he doesn't know...then it's just the old joke. But if he suspects he's being put on but gets the key, you can give him exasperated looks when he asks, "This is some kinda' joke isn't it?" If he refuses to get the key, you can get it yourself, show him, and then chastise his ass for being so "stupid." Like. "What the hell's your problem? I thought you knew something?" Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Roger in Baltimore Date: 28 Aug 99 - 09:07 AM 'Spaw, You wrote: "Don't ask how a guy with a BA in Philosophy spends a career in the automotive repair business...... ". I had no need to ask that. Mostly, I was surprised they were employed at all in a job that doesn't require them to ask "Do you want fries with that?" Big RiB (who sometimes cannot resist a jibe) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Banjer Date: 28 Aug 99 - 08:16 AM 'Spaw reminded me of a STUPID question I heard just the other day. Unfortunately it didn't come from a customer but from one of our employees just recently hired from another parts house claiming to be 'real good'. This guy is about 30 years of age. He asked a customer if he could help him. I recognized the customer as one who does a lot of restoration work on older cars. When the customer asked if he could get shock absorbers for a '52 Hudson, the stupid employee paused for a minute and then asked, "Is that a Chevrolet or a Ford?" Honest, this guy is dumber than a box of rocks! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Jeremiah McCaw Date: 28 Aug 99 - 05:54 AM Attended a series of workshops on "Newfoundland traditions" given by superb musicians Christina Smith & Jean Hewson (there, that takes care of the folk tie-in). They tell the story of Joey Smallwood: in the days before he became a politician and Premier of the province, he was a journalist sent out on one assignment to interview a lady on the occasion of her hundredth birthday. The interview contained this gem; not necessarily a stupid question, but certainly one too many: JS: "And you say you've never been sick a day in your life?" Lady: "That's right." JS: "You mean to tell me you've never been bedridden?" Lady (looking surprised for a moment): "Oh yes. Thousands of times. And once in a dory." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Sandy Paton Date: 28 Aug 99 - 02:04 AM Not so stupid, I suppose, but pretty naive: A young reporter from a paper in Pittsfield, Mass, was interviewing my wife and me for a story on Folk-Legacy. I had explained that we were able to start the company because Lee Haggerty, our partner in the enterprise, had a small inheritance that he was willing to invest (read: throw away on folk foolishness). I, on the other hand, had some experience collecting folklore in the field and running tape recorders. Fair enough, says I, we pooled his resources and began producing records. The young reporter then says, "Did you call the company Folk-Legacy because you had the folk and he had the legacy?" I'd have thought that was clever, except he wasn't making a joke; he was dead serious. A few years ago, Caroline and I spent a week at an "arts conference" on Star Island put on by the Unitarians. We sang traditional songs, ballads, new songs that reflect the styles of the old, etc., for about five hours a day for five days (proudly repeating none except when there was a request). After all this, and some background talk about our sources, the elderly lady who played "pop" piano before the dinner hour asked, "Don't you know any real songs?" I didn't offer to croon "Red Sails in the Sunset" for her, but I imagine she would have liked it. (Art's version: Red snails in my sunsuit...) Sandy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: catspaw49 Date: 28 Aug 99 - 01:14 AM Geez seed, I just had to come back here a minute. Growing up in a heavily Ital/Amer community, I always loved that kind of humor. It seemed like every guy my Dad knew was constantly on the lookout for ANYTHING that sounded the least bit stupid, even good questions were fair game!!! Then the "Nooo--I wuz......." part and it was never the same (or so it seemed to me), always included some genital/sexual reference, and the word "fockin'" two or three times as a kind of "punctuation." Consequently, the word "Fockin'" was a significant part of my vocabulary for most of my adult life.......and to a small (very small) extent, it still is. But at a late age, I became a Dad...................SOOOO......we're having supper one evening and one of our foster girls, about 6 at the time was acting like a complete goof. My son Michael, then age three, turned and stared at Britt for a few seconds, and then said, "FOCKin' ASShole" in a voice I knew I'd heard "somewhere" before. Karen gave me a look that would have killed a normal man, but I had already fallen off the chair laughing. Mom had a talk with Dad and Dad had a talk with son and things improved.......some. A month ago, when I met Mudcatter Cara from DC who was home in Ohio visiting parents, my same darling son voluteered, completely out of the blue, "My Dad made an Easter Egg that said 'BITE ME' on it." This will give you some idea what it's like to grow up in this house. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: catspaw49 Date: 28 Aug 99 - 12:47 AM Using best Italian-American voice inflection, Catspaw responds: "Noooo--I wuz fockin' tryin' ta evacuate my fockin' bladder, but I couldn't find your banjo, ya fockin' douchebag." Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 28 Aug 99 - 12:22 AM Catspaw, are you trying to be funny? --seed |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: catspaw49 Date: 27 Aug 99 - 11:56 PM I know that Banj can probably relate better to some of these, but anyone who repairs anything gets some well meant, but sorta' sillyass questions!!! Before returning to my younger days, most of my life was spent in the auto repair business; either doing it or selling the equipment used in garages. Don't ask how a guy with a BA in Philosophy spends a career in the automotive repair business...... Anyway, people can ask the best intentioned questions which come off as absolutely stupid to the guy (me) at the other end. When asked in an innocent manner, Denny and I always did our best to be courteous and explanatory..............HOWEVER--it seems to be un-American for a male NOT to know all about cars and these guys drive you nuts. These are some questions with answers that were used more than once in our shop. Pardon the language, but being "phonographically" accurate adds the true flavor of sarcasm (like Rick, I have a low stupidity boiling point.
What do you think's wrong?
What's it gonna' cost?
Can you fix it?
Can you fix it here?
It won't "turn over."
Here's a common one from MR.SHADETREE:
No, I mean whadaya think's wrong?
Whaddaya mean?
Well do you think it will take long?
Well whaddaya think you can do for me?
I gotta' stop.........There are a hundred of these, and oddly enough, these jackasses were rarely insulted. I quit trying years ago to bullshit "specialists." If I can't do the job, I call a reputable service person and say....."Just fix it." Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: JedMarum Date: 27 Aug 99 - 11:29 PM How about a stupid answer .... I was working a construction job many years ago, building a swimming pool for a woman who seemed to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. I had tried to be friendly in the few conversations we had, but she didn't seem to respond to normal humor ... so when she offered me a cup of coffee at one point during my visit there, and offered to prepare it for me, I thought I had my chance. "How do you take your coffee," she asked. "Orally," was my simple rely. "No," she deadpanned, humorlessly, "I mean what do you put in it?" My best and brilliant, if impromptu commentary had fallen on comic-deaf ears! I must admit, I enjoyed a quiet lonely laugh over my own retort ... but otherwise, have I been forced to save the story for y'all many years later ... in case there's a chuckle or two left in it! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: Mike Billo Date: 27 Aug 99 - 09:43 PM For stupid questions asked of celebrities, and snappy retorts, I've heard a story (that may, or may not, be true)that I love. It goes as follows, Before JFK was president, he was a Senator from Massachusetts(sp?), one night he and Jackie( who, of course, we remember as a beautiful and very fashion concious woman) were dining in a restaraunt, and Groucho Marx was eating at the next table. Jackie leaned over and asked, "Pardon me, aren't you Groucho Marx?' Groucho replied, "I was about to ask you the same question". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: annamill Date: 27 Aug 99 - 08:45 PM Good one, Catspaw! L.,A. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked! From: catspaw49 Date: 27 Aug 99 - 08:42 PM What is this thread about? catspaw |