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Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 12

mousethief 01 Nov 10 - 07:49 PM
Georgiansilver 02 Nov 10 - 03:15 AM
Matthew Edwards 02 Nov 10 - 06:34 AM
Georgiansilver 02 Nov 10 - 07:31 AM
Trapper 02 Nov 10 - 01:37 PM
Georgiansilver 02 Nov 10 - 02:38 PM
mousethief 02 Nov 10 - 06:48 PM
Matthew Edwards 02 Nov 10 - 07:02 PM
mousethief 02 Nov 10 - 07:17 PM
Amos 02 Nov 10 - 10:15 PM
mousethief 02 Nov 10 - 10:30 PM
Amos 03 Nov 10 - 01:13 AM
mousethief 03 Nov 10 - 03:33 AM
Trapper 03 Nov 10 - 11:40 AM
mousethief 04 Nov 10 - 02:14 AM
mousethief 04 Nov 10 - 04:16 PM
Matthew Edwards 04 Nov 10 - 05:48 PM
mousethief 07 Nov 10 - 02:40 AM
mousethief 07 Nov 10 - 07:43 PM
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Subject: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: mousethief
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 07:49 PM

SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12

Ready? Here we go! Your challenge, should you accept it, is to write a funny song or two about this story:

Brazil McDonald's worker who adds weight wins suit

Sao Paulo - A Brazilian court ruled this week that McDonald's must pay a former franchise manager $17,500 because he gained 65 pounds while working there for a dozen years. The 32-year-old man said he felt forced to sample the food each day to ensure quality standards remained high, because McDonald's hired "mystery clients" to randomly visit restaurants and report on the food, service and cleanliness.

The man also said the company offered free lunches to employees, adding to his caloric intake while on the job.

--------------------------------------

What say ye, Challengees? Can we let this story pass without being immortalized in song?


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 03:15 AM

Obviously to the tune of "Old MacDonald had a farm"

Colonel Sanders had a restaurant,
E.I.E.I.O
And in that Restaurant he had a manager,
E.I.E.I.O
With a chicken nugget here
and a bag of chips there
Here a breakfast
there a milkshake
Everywhere a burger.
Colonel Sanders had a restaurant
E.I.E.I.O

His manager was 32
E.I.E.I.O
Put on more than a stone or two
E.I.E.I.O
So he got a court date
Told the judge of his weight
The judge took pity
at the poor mans state
Awarded him a large lump sum
E.I.E.I.O


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 06:34 AM

Big Mac

I know a man who ate a Big Mac,
He ate a Big Mac which made him grow fat,
And that's that.

I know a man who swallowed some Coke,
Its no joke! He swallowed some Coke.
He swallowed the Coke to open his throat,
He ate a Big Mac which made him grow fat,
And that's that.

I know a man who ate a cheesburger,
Silly bugger! He ate a cheeseburger.
It stuck in his throat, and wouldn't go further,
He swallowed some Coke to open his throat,
He ate a Big Mac which made him grow fat,
And that's that.

I know a man who ate some fries;
What a surprise! He ate some fries,
They were covered in oil, and excessively salty,
He said he was testing them for food quality,
He ate a cheeseburger which wouldn't go further,
He swallowed some Coke to open his throat,
He ate a Big Mac which made him grow fat,
And that's that.

I know a man who ate deep fried chicken;
How sickenin'! To eat deep fried chicken.
It was sticky and greasy and covered in batter,
Containing reconstituted animal matter.
He went Supersize and he ate some fries,
He ate a cheeseburger which wouldn't go further,
He swallowed some Coke to open his throat,
He ate a Big Mac which made him grow fat,
And thats's that.

I know a man who tested the food,
How crude! He tested the food.
He passed it all through his lower intestine,
He grilled it and served it for further ingestion.
He ate some fried chicken which caused him to sicken,
He went Supersize and he ate some fries,
He ate a cheeseburger which wouldn't go further,
He swallowed some Coke to open his throat,
He ate a Big Mac which made him grow fat,
And thats's that.

I know a man who put on some weight,
What a sad fate! He put on some weight.
He should never have eaten that Big Mac first,
He burst!

Matthew


(Memo to McDonalds corporate legal division:

This fictional story ain't strictly factual,
The events depicted aren't truly actual;
And I'm happy to own, if it comes to the crunch,
I had a Big Mac one day for my lunch,
And for the experience I'm none the worse,
But I'd rather eat food cooked slowly first.)


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 07:31 AM

Ermmmmm sorry but I don't know where the Colonel Sanders came from in mine... it should be.. Old Macdonalds... must have had my mind on KFC eh???


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: Trapper
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 01:37 PM

Georgian - KFC or McDonald's, what's a franchise name between friends!! Very clever!

Matthew - you should produce your song and air it as a music video on MTV as a public service announcement for the kids these days! I loved the rhyming disclaimer too!

Sorry, I couldn't think of a kiddie tune to parody - but here's my entry.

McDonald's must have hired the most lame law firm in the entire country of Brazil! Below is a court transcript of how the defense attorney SHOULD HAVE handled it - it's a simple case of mathematics! (I took slight liberties with the city where the McDonald's franchise was located.)

- Al


GRILL FROM IPANEMA
Tune: Girl From Ipanema - Antonio Carlos Jobim/Norman Gimbel
New Lyrics: Trapper (Al Boyce)

May I approach the bench, your honor
I have a few statistics to show you
And when I show you, I know you'll surely go... ahhhh!
When my client hired the plaintiff
He was so tall and young and slender
When he passed his counter the girls in front would go... ahhh!

CHORUS:
Oh, they watched him grow, so sadly
How could they tell him to walk more?
Yes, he'd eat McDonald's gladly
He tasted the way he was trained, and
One quarter ounce a day gained

In the twelve years he had worked there
If my mathematics you'll follow
The plaintiff claims he gained sixty-five pounds
Sixty-five divided by 12 years
Is annually just a bit more than five pounds
Or daily, just about one quarter ounce

CHORUS

Consulting any manual of weight loss
Shows ca-lor-ies of 3500
Burns off very close to one pound of fat
The plaintiff only had a quarter ounce
Of extra fat per day he had to lose
A thirteen minute walk would take care of that

CHORUS

So Judge Filho I would ask you to
Drop this suit against McDonalds and
Tell this overweight loser to go take a hike!
In the city of Ipanema
There's roads and trails and hills and beaches
Surely some exercise the plaintiff would like!

CHORUS


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 02:38 PM

Hey Trapper... love the twist... great stuff!!


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 06:48 PM

Silver BLOBs! Getcher Silver BLOBs right here!

A full menu BLOB to Georgiansilver for the tasty:
Here a breakfast
there a milkshake
Everywhere a burger.


A high-sodium BLOB for Matthew Edwards for the dime-rhymey:
They were covered in oil, and excessively salty,
He said he was testing them for food quality,


And finally a Latin BLOB to Trapper for the mathematically astute (if scansionally challenged):
The plaintiff claims he gained sixty-five pounds
Sixty-five divided by 12 years
Is annually just a bit more than five pounds
Or daily, just about one quarter ounce


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 07:02 PM

@Trapper Glad you liked my update of 'The Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly'! I enjoyed your clever calculations - if you eat a quarter-pounder a day and only gain a quarter of an ounce - where does the rest go? (Don't answer that!)
You've caught up quickly with all the Song Challenges - nice work!

@Georgiansilver Nobody can tell the difference between McDonalds and KFC anyway!!!

@mousethief Thank you for the BLOB. I shall wear it with pride.

Matthew


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 07:17 PM

I Ate the Fat (and the Fat Won)
with apologies to the Bobby Fuller Four

Eatin' crap on a white bun
I ate the fat and the fat won
I ate the fat and the fat won

Every day I had to test one
I ate the fat and the fat won
I ate the fat and the fat won


I ate those burgers and I feel so bad
I must have gained a ton
I sued McDonald's for makin' me fat
I ate the fat and the fat won
I ate the fat and the fat won


Those chicken things are full of grease, son
I ate the fat and the fat won
I ate the fat and the fat won


Those bad McPeople made me eat their crap
McSalads I had none
Now I'm a bloated, flabby chap
I ate the fat and the fat won
I ate the fat and the fat won


My self-control's never been that great
But that don't matter none
Those creeps force-fed me on a paper plate
I ate the fat and the fat won
I ate the fat and the fat won


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 10:15 PM

As I walked out in New York City,
Around the hour of twelve at night
I did behold a fast-food fat boy
Weighing himself by candlelight.

CHO:He'd gained 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 and more pounds
He'd gained 12, 14, 16 too!
He'd gained 3, 5, 7, 9 and more pounds
He'd gained ten stone before he was through!

Round and round the needle climbeth
Where it stops, no-body knows!
When you snack on jumbo carbos
You will outgrow all your clothes.

CHO

I asked why he kept on working
Every day and weekends too.
I asked him why he kept ingesting,
He said 'twas all he knew how to do

CHO

I knew that it was time for tough love
Interventions, no one likes!
But know he's back down to one forty,
Delivering telegrams on a bike.

He's lost 20, 18, 16, 14
Twelve, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2 none!
He's lost 19, 17, 15, 13
Eleven, 9, 7, 5, 3 and 1.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Nov 10 - 10:30 PM

Amos, what's the tune? It almost fits to "Snoopy and the Red Baron".


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: Amos
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 01:13 AM

Why, Alex!! Fer fie!

It's "Dublin City", I think...also called Wheel of Fortune.

A


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: mousethief
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 03:33 AM

I'm a folksong ignoramus. I'm here more to learn than to teach.


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Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: Trapper
Date: 03 Nov 10 - 11:40 AM

Thanks for the BLOB Mousethief! "Grill" DOES scan when I sing it in my head, can't you hear it?? ;-D

- Al


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: mousethief
Date: 04 Nov 10 - 02:14 AM

Thanks for all your work, Trapper. Trapper has created a permathread to contain an index of links to the Song Challenge! 2.0 threads. For this he gets the rare and much-coveted INBU award. (It's No Bull). Yaaaaay!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: mousethief
Date: 04 Nov 10 - 04:16 PM

bump


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 04 Nov 10 - 05:48 PM

Amos - what brilliant version of the 'Wheel of Fortune'! I've heard that chorus sung so fast that people who aren't very nimble at counting backwards get left stranded somewhere in the upper teens when everybody else has finished!!!

Matthew


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 02:40 AM

bump -- one day left!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 12
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 07:43 PM

Well this was kind of a quiet week, wasn't it? Nevertheless Golden Cow Chips were most definitely earned! So without further adieu*,

The Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (for making the Judges fall on the floor laughing OR make them short out their keyboard with tears) is hereby awarded to:
  • Georgiansilver for "Colonel Sanders had a restaurant"
  • Matthew Edwards for "Big Mac"
  • Trapper for "Grill from Ipanema"
The Golden Cow Chip Award with with Mt. Rainier Medallion (for closely and hilariously following the pattern of its original) is hereby awarded to:
  • Amos for "As I walked out in New York City"
*yes, I know it's "ado".

And it's on to Fit 13! Click here and away we go!


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