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Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13

mousethief 07 Nov 10 - 07:37 PM
Georgiansilver 08 Nov 10 - 01:19 AM
GUEST,Grishka 08 Nov 10 - 10:28 AM
mousethief 08 Nov 10 - 12:21 PM
Amos 08 Nov 10 - 01:27 PM
Jack the Sailor 08 Nov 10 - 01:51 PM
mousethief 08 Nov 10 - 03:28 PM
Trapper 09 Nov 10 - 11:12 AM
mousethief 09 Nov 10 - 02:20 PM
Amos 09 Nov 10 - 02:24 PM
Trapper 09 Nov 10 - 05:58 PM
mousethief 10 Nov 10 - 10:12 PM
Matthew Edwards 14 Nov 10 - 08:49 AM
Amos 14 Nov 10 - 09:42 AM
mousethief 15 Nov 10 - 03:14 AM
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Subject: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Nov 10 - 07:37 PM

SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 13

Okayyyy, as Jim Morrison said all those years ago, People are strange:

Ore. couple give condoms to teen trick-or-treaters

SILVERTON, Ore. — Having a safe Halloween took on a different meaning in one Oregon neighborhood, where trick-or-treating teenagers received condoms in their goodie bags. Daniel and Kathleen Harris, of Silverton, tell The Statesman Journal the free condoms were part of their effort to promote health. They also handed out toothbrushes as well as candy bars.

The father of one 14-year-old girl who received the condoms, Daniel Cote, was offended and says it was inappropriate to give them to children without parents' consent. Kathleen Harris says giving the condoms to the 14-year-old was a mistake. She says their usual practice is to ask teens if they're 16 or older and to give them a speech on safe sex.


Where were they when I was 16? I had to buy my own at the Mexican restaurant across 10th from the post office! But y'all don't have to go there to write funny songs!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 01:19 AM

Tune.. ' are a few of my favourite things" from Sound of music.These

Kids Trick or treating in Silverton Oregon,
Searched round for candybars, found that I had some.
Gave them the candy bars, toothbrushes too.
And gave them some condoms.... well just one ore two.
We know what teenagers these days are doing,
Some just like groping but others like screwing.
Condoms seemed good as a gift at the time,
Really folks surely this isn't a crime.
When the kids play,
In their own way,
We know whaaaat they do.
With sex unprotected,
they may be subjected...
To pregeeeeenancy
It's true!!!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 10:28 AM

See the source for better coverage, including the correct name of M. Daniel Côté - in case you want to use it in your verses.

Well done, Georgian; imagine Julie Andrews singing this version :-)

A big thumbs-up to all Challengees, looking forward to more!

Grishka


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: mousethief
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 12:21 PM

Candyland
(with apologies to Mississippi John Hurt)

Now all you children gather 'round
And come to good Mrs. Harris' house
Candyland,
Candyland

If you got a stick of candy 9 inch long
Mrs. Harris' house is where you belong
Candyland,
Candyland

She'll put a wrapper for your candy stick
In your candy bag, it'll do the trick
Candyland
Candyland

You little kids, come to her door
She'll give you candy, not a metaphor
Candyland
Candyland

But if you take your candy stick to bed
She'll give you a little lecture instead
Candyland
Candyland

Now you and Mrs. Harris are gettin' mighty thick, uh-huh, oh yeah
She gave you a wrapper for your candy stick, mm-hmm, oh yeah


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 01:27 PM

Bravo, ALex!! It's got (as they say) RHYTHM!!

Now we know where the rubber meets the road.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 01:51 PM

This Gum Tastes Funny

This gum tastes funny
This gum tastes funny
I know the label says
"Flavored with honey"
But This gum tastes funny
This gum tastes funny.

This gum is chewy
This gum is chewy
Its coated with something
slippery and gooey
This gum is chewy
This gum is chewy

I wore platform heels to look taller
I wore a Twilight costume so I would look older
And now my goodie haul is a little smaller
and the looks from the adults, much colder

And This gum tastes funny
This gum tastes funny
I know the label says
"Flavored with honey"
But This gum tastes funny
This gum tastes funny.

All together now...

This gum tastes funny
This gum tastes funny
I know the label says
"Flavored with honey"
But This gum tastes funny
This gum tastes funny.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: mousethief
Date: 08 Nov 10 - 03:28 PM

Mrs. Harris Can
(with apologies to Willy Wonka and Sammy Davis, Jr.)

Who can take some condoms
Give 'em to the teens
Give M&M's to tots
'n' Oral B's to in-betweens
Mrs. Harris can
Mrs. Harris can
Mrs. Harris can then she lectures the teenagers
So that they will be good

Mrs. Harris thinks
A teenybopper minx
Ought to practice sex that's safer
Lubricated so it won't chafe her
Better than a Necco Wafer

Who can give out Trojans
Then hastily abjure
When chastened by a dad
Who thinks his little girl's so pure

Mrs. Harris can
Mrs. Harris can
Mrs. Harris can, cos she knows what they get up to
When their parents aren't home
Mrs. Harris can, cos she knows that they can't leave
Their naughty bits alone
Mrs. Harris can, cos she knows a condom's safer
Than a spermicide foam


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: Trapper
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 11:12 AM

Hilarious Mousethief!   You gotta give yourself some award for two songs in the same topic also!

Here's mine...

SILVERTON TOWNSHIP
Tune: Wolverton Mountain by Merle Kilgore
New Words: Trapper (Al Boyce) 11/9/2010

They say don't go to Silverton township,
Trick or treating on Halloween night.
'Cause Kathleen Harris has a bowl of condoms;
And sex health lectures for all in sight.

CHORUS
If you're sixteen, or look a bit older,
Then Silverton township just pass on by
So kids beware of Kathleen Harris
Her Halloween "candy" will make you cry


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 02:20 PM

How about some Silver BLOBs? Well-earned they are, too!

An alpine BLOB to Georgiansilver for the prophetic:
With sex unprotected,
they may be subjected...
To pregeeeeenancy
It's true!!!


A BLOB of questionable taste to Jack the Sailor for the delightfully disgusting:
This gum is chewy
Its coated with something
slippery and gooey


And a down-home BLOB to Trapper for the sad-but-true:
So kids beware of Kathleen Harris
Her Halloween "candy" will make you cry


Hope to hear from our other regulars too, and hopefully some new Challengees as well!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 02:24 PM

As I walked out on evening,
All in my youth and prime
It being early evening, boys,
Late in the Autumn time
The lads and lasses all were out
In costumes on the street
From house to house the young ones went
A-singing "Trick or Treat"!

I did not care for candy lads,
I was fonder of poteen
Of which I'd had a gill or so,
Or possibly thirteen!
And as I weaved along the street
I spied a lass so sweet
Accompanying her wee nephew
In his game of Trick or Treat

This lass she was so lissome sir,
So buxom and so fair
She drove me quite distracted
By the pheromones in the air.
I thought she was all beautiful
From her hair down to her feet
And I asked her if she'd like to play
A game of trick or treat.

She said "I'm bored with tending brats,
It's nanny's work in truth,
And for a little trick or treat
With you I'm nothing loath!
She wore a thin black witches dress
Through which her form looked sweet,
And I declare I did intend
With her to trick or treat!

But she said, "Not before the kids!
This boy I'll not corrupt, sir!
And for a moment I was stumped,
And ne'er would her tup, sir!
But I took his bowl of goodies
And set him to sort the sweets,
ANd told him he must alphabetize
Each kind of trick or treat!

I swept this lass behind a shrub
Into a shaded nook sir,
And accelerated foreplay then,
I boldly undertook sir!
Her witches gown was on the ground
Full blooded my erection,
WHen once again she stayed my hand
For I had brought no protection!

And then the little tyke peeked 'round
As though he meant to shame us
But he had found a kind of treat
And knew not what its name was!
And in that question I was glad
To deal with his entreaty,
For he held out a Ramses Clad,
My favorite trick or treaty!

I told him I would deal with that,
And seized it from his mitt
And told him he should alphabetize
The rest of all his kit.
And as he went back to his bag
To sort his sundry sweets,
I seized that lassie by the hips
And claimed my trick or treat!!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: Trapper
Date: 09 Nov 10 - 05:58 PM

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! Well Done Amos! I hope the boy-o had a few score pounds of goods to alphabetize!!

- Al


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: mousethief
Date: 10 Nov 10 - 10:12 PM

A licentious Silver BLOB to Amos for the oh-my-godly:
I seized that lassie by the hips
And claimed my trick or treat!!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 08:49 AM

In the historic county of Cheshire in England, where I live, "Trick or Treat" is now heavily promoted by the Walmart owned Asda stores, but it used to be the custom here for the younger children to visit neighbouring houses on All Souls Night and sing the three note Soulcake song with the lines:

"One for Peter, one for Paul"

I do now wonder what they were really asking for.

Later on All Souls Night the Souling Play came round the houses and farms; perhaps the lines for one of the characters should be rewritten;-

In comes I, Beelzebubba,
I'm a randy, dandy clubber,
On my todger I wears a rubber."


Anyway, over here in the UK we've learned from the Twilight series that many American school students are really vampires, so I quite like the thought of Mrs Harris handing out free toothbrushes thus ensuring that if you do get bitten in the Willamette Valley, Oregon you can at least be sure that it will be a hygienic experience.

Halloween is of course related to the Day of the Dead, so what better way to respond to the Challenge's themes of sex and death than to commemorate the long departed ladies of that once universal feature of small town America; the town whorehouse, where young American males first learned fundamental lessons in money, sex and hypocrisy.

The Little Whorehouse on the Prairie

As the shades of night come falling, upon All Hallows Eve,
And the boys and girls come calling, shuffling through dead leaves;
I think on other faces who once played 'Trick or Treat',
At the house around the corner at the far end of Main street.

Now where is Nancy Whisky? and where is Susie Kay?
And Bet who was so frisky, when we tumbled in the hay?
And where is everyone's favourite, freckle-faced Mary Jane,
Who broke the hearts of the Senior class when she ran away to Spain?

(spoken)
Now Mary Jane was quite emphatic
On the use of a prophylatic;
"I don't care what the Vatican says,
You can't come here without one."

Now our sour-faced Minister against sin he used to preach us,
But he wasn't quite so sinister when Bet took down his breeches.
The Mayor used to treat the girls to spice up his life,
And everyone in town knew, except his mother and his wife.

We boys saved our cents up, our nickels and our dimes,
In the corner house we spent it all having a good time;
But the good times soon were over when the call-up came,
And we were sent to far-off places with strange sounding names.

We saw the world with wonder, and grew up pretty fast,
And some of the boys lie underneath a foreign soil at last;
The girls all went to Vegas, and none of them came back,
And the house at the end of Main Street is a tumbledown old shack.

Matthew


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 10 - 09:42 AM

Why, Matthew, that is downright poignant. Well done!


A


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 13
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Nov 10 - 03:14 AM

Fit 13 winners!

But first a nostalgic Silver BLOB to Matthew Edwards for the pro evocative:
Now Mary Jane was quite emphatic
On the use of a prophylatic;
"I don't care what the Vatican says,
You can't come here without one."


And now the Cow Chips:

The Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (for making the Judges fall on the floor laughing OR make them short out their keyboard with tears) is hereby awarded to:
  • Georgiansilver for "Kids Trick or treating in Silverton Oregon"
  • Matthew Edwards for "The Little Whorehouse on the Prairie"
The Golden Cow Chip Award with with Mt. Rainier Medallion (for closely and hilariously following the pattern of its original) is hereby awarded to:
  • Trapper for "Silverton Township"
Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song) is hereby awarded to:
  • Amos for "As I walked out one evening"
Golden Cow Chip with Red Tide Coruscation (for the song that (intentionally) best produces the gag reflex in the judges' throat.) is hereby awarded to:
  • Jack the Sailor for "This Gum Tastes Funny"


Come join us for Fit 14 -- click here!


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