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Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14

mousethief 15 Nov 10 - 02:52 AM
Georgiansilver 15 Nov 10 - 03:16 AM
mousethief 15 Nov 10 - 01:19 PM
Trapper 15 Nov 10 - 03:11 PM
Trapper 15 Nov 10 - 03:19 PM
Georgiansilver 15 Nov 10 - 04:07 PM
mousethief 15 Nov 10 - 04:49 PM
Trapper 15 Nov 10 - 04:54 PM
mousethief 17 Nov 10 - 10:46 PM
Nigel Parsons 19 Nov 10 - 08:38 PM
Matthew Edwards 20 Nov 10 - 11:05 AM
mousethief 20 Nov 10 - 12:32 PM
mousethief 22 Nov 10 - 10:53 PM
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Subject: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Nov 10 - 02:52 AM

SONG CHALLENGE! 2.0 - Fit 14

Welcome back to another week of imaginative songwriting! This week we have a doozy:

Ukrainian man gets arm stuck fishing money out of public toilet

It took Ukrainian rescuers three hours to release a man whose arm got stuck in a toilet when he tried to retrieve money he had dropped, the ukranews.com portal said on Monday.

The 47-year-old tried to make a diving catch when his 200 hryvnias ($24) fell into a public toilet in the northern Ukrainian city of Chernigov. In his efforts to rescue his cash, he got his arm hopelessly stuck up to his elbow.

The emergency workers removed tiles, drilled the toilet out of concrete floor and cut the outlet pipe, but the man's arm remained trapped in the chute. Hydraulic shears and a plumber's torch were finally used to cut the man free.

The man was unharmed, although 200 hryvnias poorer, while the toilet was completely destroyed.


--------------------------------------

It's all yours!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Nov 10 - 03:16 AM

I was on the train at Chernigov,
When all my money fell.
It fell into the toilet where,
I'd already made 'a smell'.
It was as I pulled my trousers up,
My money fell in the loo.
And I stood for just a second or so,
Not knowing what to do.

I reached into the lavatory pan,
My money to retrieve.
In order not to soak my shirt,
I rolled up my right sleeve.
I reached down bravely in the pan,
But such was my bad luck.
I set off the mechanism and
The flush began to suck.

I was stuck down to my elbow now,
And suffering lots of pain.
So as it was an emergency,
I pulled hard on the chain.
The rescuers took off tiles,
Took the toilet from its sill,
And when they severed the outlet pipe,
My arm was stuck there still.

Someone arrived with a plumbers torch,
Another hydraulic shears.
By this time I was thinking I,
Might be stuck there for years.
But soon the cut and bent the pipe,
And it was plain to see.
I'd lost my £24 but
At least now I was free.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Nov 10 - 01:19 PM

Ack! Wrong link! Full story here.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: Trapper
Date: 15 Nov 10 - 03:11 PM

Way back in Aine's Song Challenge! 31 I vowed that the next time a "stuck in the toilet" challenge came up, I would use Eddie Brown as the basis for a parody - I finally get my chance!


LYAKSANDRO VOLK
Original: Eddie Brown - author unknown
New Words: Trapper (Al Boyce)

CHORUS:
Lyaksandro Fadeyushka Kosyantyn Volodymyr
Marko Yuriy Boyko Volk
Fell into the toilet, Fell into the toilet
Fell into the deep, dark loo!


Lyak' Volk, coming home from work
Cashed his check
Then dropped it in the toilet murk and...

to CHORUS

Plunged his arm in the flushing swirl
Reached right down
Made him nearly want to hurl but...

to CHORUS

Thru the pipes his hryvnia's made their way
So his arm
He plunged into the fetid spray and...

to CHORUS

Around his cash he clutched and made a fist
Tried to pull
But now the toilet did resist that...

to CHORUS

To the loo plumbers then were called
Cut the pipes
But Lyak' still remained en-stalled, cuz...

to CHORUS

Then Chernigov-ian firefighters came
Jaws of life
Mean something else in the Ukraine, where...

to CHORUS

To this day Lyaksandro sits
In the john
Upto his shoulder, mired in sh** CAUSE....

to CHORUS


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: Trapper
Date: 15 Nov 10 - 03:19 PM

...I reached down bravely in the pan,
But such was my bad luck.
I set off the mechanism and
The flush began to suck.


Good one, GeorgianSilver! Tune of... "The Sick Note?"

- Al


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Nov 10 - 04:07 PM

Also tune of "The Lincolnshire Poacher" Thank you and love your offering too!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Nov 10 - 04:49 PM

Stuck in Ukrainian Loo
(with apologies to Gerry Rafferty)

Well I know just why I came here tonight
We were drinking and I got pretty tight
Then I had to see a man 'bout a horse
And my cash fell in the toilet, of course
Cash in the lavat'ry, got to get it out
Here I am, stuck in Ukrainian loo

Yes I'm stuck in Ukrainian loo
And I'm wondering what it is I should do
Can I use my phone with only one hand?
Will my buds ask why I'm still in the can?
Cash in the lavat'ry, got to get it out
Here I am, stuck in Ukrainian loo

bridge
Well we went out to go drinking
And I found I had to take a piss
Now security is coming, slap me on the back
and say "How the hell'd you do this?
How the hell'd you do this?"

Well they're trying to make some sense of it all
But they can see it makes no sense at all
Just 200 hryvnias, I must have been mad
And they're wond'rin', "How much beer have you had?"
Cash in the lavat'ry, got to get it out
Here I am, stuck in Ukrainian loo

(repeat bridge)

(repeat first verse)


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: Trapper
Date: 15 Nov 10 - 04:54 PM


Just 200 hryvnias, I must have been mad
And they're wond'rin', "How much beer have you had?"


LOL! Way to go MouseThief! I like your version better than Gerry Rafferty's!

- Al


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: mousethief
Date: 17 Nov 10 - 10:46 PM

Some Silver BLOBs are long overdue!

An unsanitary BLOB to Georgiansilver for the aromatic:
It fell into the toilet where,
I'd already made 'a smell'.


And a rollicking BLOB to Trapper for the evocative:
Thru the pipes his hryvnia's made their way
So his arm
He plunged into the fetid spray and...


"Fetid spray"! I love it!

Hope to hear from you other Challengers! too!


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 08:38 PM

Very reminiscent of the story of the man who dropped his mobile (cell phone) down the toilet of a french high-speed train. Song challenge
Maybe this is getting to be an 'urban myth', recycled with slight changes.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 11:05 AM

Ivan Potschjinski Skidar

The rain in Ukraine it falls on the plain,
Over steppes that stretch boundless and far,
But the loneliest man who steps in that land
Is Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.
He once was a toff in old Chernigov,
Where his fathers had fought for the Czar;
But the shame was quite final in a public urinal,
Of Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.

He had just sought relief, when to his disbelief,
His money fell out of his grasp;
He dived down the chute to fish out his loot,
Did Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.
He was fresh out of luck for there he was stuck,
With his arm in grip held so fast
That he feared the U-bend would soon be the end
Of the line of the noble Skidars.

From a final retirement he was saved by the firemen
Of Chernigov, Kiev and afar;
Who drilled through the plumbing to avert an end unbecoming
To Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.
But though he was scorched by the flame of the torch,
The wound was not such a deep scar
As the shame and the blame that came on the name
Of Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.

For internet blogs from Kiev to Dnepropretovsk,
Spread the news of his deeds wide and far,
He could not endure how the scent of the sewer
Stuck to the name of Skidar.
In Lviv and in Kharkov his name bore the mark of
News that was strange and bizarre;
He would gladly have given yea more than two million hryvnia
To restore the good name of Skidar.

His family and wife fled away from the strife,
Siberia could not be too far;
Where their cheeks flush with fear if ever they hear,
The name Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.
While out on the plain in the steppes of Ukraine,
By the light of the pale evening star,
One man may be seen in a hovel so mean;
'Tis Ivan Potschjinski Skidar.

Matthew Edwards

The original Ivan Potschjinski Skidar first appeared in a song written by Percy French in 1877 while French was still a student at Trinity College Dublin. French sold the rights to the song for £5, and lived to see it much altered and attributed to many other authors. Although the song became hugely popular French never earned any royalties from its success. I have often wondered if the noble Russian hero celebrated by Percy French ever had any descendants; thanks to mousethief's Challenge happily I am now able to supply some of the missing history.


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 12:32 PM

Fabulous, fabulous! That's a well-needed update to the fate of that ill-fated family. Pity you said nothing about Ivan the loo-bowl veneer.

But a well deserved Silver BLOB to Matthew Edwards for the geographical:
For internet blogs from Kiev to Dnepropretovsk,
Spread the news of his deeds wide and far,


It reminds me of that wonderful song about Russian geography sung by Lynyrdov Skynyrski: "Give me Three Steppes"


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Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 14
From: mousethief
Date: 22 Nov 10 - 10:53 PM

Time for Golden Cow Chips!

The Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon (for making the Judges fall on the floor laughing OR make them short out their keyboard with tears) is hereby awarded to:
  • Georgiansilver for "I was on the train at Chernigov"
The Golden Cow Chip Award with with Mt. Rainier Medallion (for closely and hilariously following the pattern of its original) is hereby awarded to:
  • Trapper for "LYAKSANDRO VOLK")
  • Matthew Edwards for "Ivan Potschjinski Skidar"


Join us for Fit 15 where you will get a free submachine gun with every pickup truck purchased!


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