BS: Friends with benefits

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: Ed T
Date: 27 Nov 10 - 08:12 PM

I suspect FWB is not for everyone. Many people get confused when caring + shared values + friendship + sex (lust or otherwise) does not produce love, that love is not always the sum of those parts.

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 28 Nov 10 - 07:55 AM

Good article, Ed - tks for posting.

Here's a couple more, from the male perspective   Friends with Benefits Rules

and the female   Suggestions for ladies considering a FWB relationship

Comparing the two is interesting -- HE says Treat her no different than any other friend, male or female, until the benefits are abound ... You are only helping each other to release some sexual tension ... The best advice is: if feelings develop, stop having casual sex! ... make sure you are not allowing her to take you away from the important things in life! Don't put her before your other mates, job or education ... you need a life to live while you're not getting your rocks off. Make sure you keep it in perspective

Geez, he makes it sound so alluring, eh? Probably has to beat all his friends off with a Big Shtick   

=]

Meanwhile, SHE says It's a very, very rare woman who can screw one guy exclusive and not grow at least semi-attached to him...
Don't be dependent: You are a wonderful woman even without some horn dog licking at your heels. If you are not emotionally stable on your own you should -never- give any man any sorts of benefits, friend or boyfriend...do not let him treat you like a prostitute .. You are a proud, intelligent, independent woman who does not need a man to fullfill your life. Love your body, love your mind, love your soul. There are plenty of men out there who will give you everything you want...

Well, at least they agree on a few things: the importance of communication, safe sex, and having a life of your own while indulging in mutual masturbation sessions. There's hope for the species yet, I suppose   :)

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 28 Nov 10 - 09:12 AM

FWB

Fucking Without Baggage?

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: Greg F.
Date: 28 Nov 10 - 09:45 AM

Fuck Wits Bragging?

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Nov 10 - 02:47 PM

It's hard, heh heh, but it can be fine when it works...

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Nov 10 - 03:33 PM

It works well, IF it is done right.

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 29 Nov 10 - 07:11 AM

Not very long ago my youngest son when in his teens used to say that the girsl he and his friend were girls they went with not going out with. Apparently all staying good friends until they found someone to fall in love with. Times have changed, I wouldn't have dreamt of admitting to sleeping with all my mates even back in the modern 70s. I still can't believe that the green-eyed monster wouldn't arise from time to time even now though.

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 29 Nov 10 - 07:30 AM

Compare the "friends with benefits" with older traditional practices.

When I was of an age to have an interest, the typical pattern was to date as many persons as possible of the applicable sex, and attempt to discern which were willing and which were not. This meant a continual succession of person about whom you knew relatively little except that their standards were sufficiently low that they'd go somewhere with you.

A significant hazard was that the ones willing quite likely were willing with others, and hence quite likely to expose you to STDs, or were willing because of "personality quirks" that made them "undesirable except for sex."

If one is able to find a "friend" whose "standards of conduct" are reasonable observed and are responsibly adult, and if both are willing to participate, it seems quite reasonable for them to do so. Having such a friend quite likely should significantly reduce the "need" for either to have random "one-nighters," with a significantly reduced exposure to "random harm."

The request that the friend report sexual activities with others needn't mean giving details of the acts and performances. It is instead a necessary part of the "friends with benefits" agreement, since having such a friend is for the purpose of having a sexual outlet with minimal exposure to the risks attendant to being promiscuous. The "reporting" is because you may want to defer further activities until any transmissible problems can be ruled out, or in the case of a sudden and significant change in behavior it may be in your best interest to "cease benefits" permanently.

Friends come and go, and (just like with marriages) there are no guarantees. There is the possibility that the "friendship" will outlast the "benefits" or it may be the other way around. The is also the possibility that another kind of relationship may eventually be grow from it.

The point emphasized by the few I've known who have "had a friend" of this sort is that as long as both friends act responsibly it's a hell of a lot safer than playing the field.

That seems like quite an adult and responsible sort of behavior to me, compared to what we elders of the tribe would consider the "traditional pursuit games."

Of course, a determined fool can muck up any good idea, and it's not unusual for people to "claim the name and cheat the game." No specific results can be guaranteed, but it seems like a fairly rational game for those inclined to seek sex but willing to play fairly in this kind of arrangement.

Of course I can't say what I might have done if this game had been invented while I still had the inclination to play, so persons with actual experince may have other opinions.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: Lox
Date: 29 Nov 10 - 07:56 AM

The truth is that each and every relationship on this planet, whatever label is applied to it, is unique.

Many young folk today go for "friends with benefits" because their experience of friendship is that it is loving and respectful, while their experience of "relationships" is inhibiting and painful.

Much better to trust a friend than to commit to an idiom.

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 29 Nov 10 - 08:43 AM

>Much better to trust a friend than to commit to an idiom.<

Amen to that.

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Nov 10 - 10:18 AM

When I was young I read somewhere that one "should not go to bed with anyone whom you would not be friends with OUT of bed". I took that to heart...and missed several 'interesting' offers as a result, but it was better that way.
Still seems like good advice.

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: kendall
Date: 29 Nov 10 - 12:26 PM

I've heard it said by many older people, we only regret the things we didn't do. Now, that doesn't mean I wish I had killed my former boss!

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: Lox
Date: 29 Nov 10 - 05:57 PM

er .. kendall .. when you say ... um ... "former" ... what exactly do you mean? ...

And if you didn't, ........ who did!

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: kendall
Date: 29 Nov 10 - 07:49 PM

He was Commissioner of the State fisheries dept. After he retired he was caught with illegal Lobsters. I wish I'd been there.

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 30 Nov 10 - 08:42 AM

I do wonder if 'Friends with benefits' would mean the same for a female as it would for a male. It could be for the young male just a case of having his cake and eating it. It may be alright for a girl to start with but I would like to know what a girl of today honestly thinks about it.

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Nov 10 - 09:12 AM

Man, talk about perverted... I mean, it's one thing to be caught with yer drenkin' buddy's wife but quite another to be caught with an "illegal lobster"... Hard to live that one down but I guess it's a Maine thing, I donno???

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: Lox
Date: 30 Nov 10 - 10:20 AM

Hi Patsy,

Well I suspect you may be right and that in general girls might tend to be less content with the whole FwB set up, but I have experienced, and know guys who have experienced situations where they have become emotionally attached to their FwB only to be disappointed as she has turned round and said "sorry - I never meant for it to be more than x"

I can say though, honestly, that in those situations there has been a lack of honesty on the part of myself or said other male friends, who have held out hope, not because we genuinely perceived that there was more to the relationship, but just because we hoped that maybe it could lead to more.

If everyone goes into it hoestly, and that means being honest with oneself as well as with ones partner, then misunderstandings are much much less likely.

Subject: RE: BS: Friends with benefits
From: Lox
Date: 30 Nov 10 - 10:21 AM

Sorry about garbled nature of last post - was written in 2 minutes before running out door - as was this qualification ...


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