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BS: How to Deal With People Complaining

Richie Black (misused acct, bad email) 16 Dec 10 - 04:49 AM
Richie Black (misused acct, bad email) 16 Dec 10 - 04:52 AM
John MacKenzie 16 Dec 10 - 05:30 AM
andrew e 16 Dec 10 - 05:38 AM
Gervase 16 Dec 10 - 05:43 AM
Richie Black (misused acct, bad email) 16 Dec 10 - 05:57 AM
GUEST,Steamin' Willie 16 Dec 10 - 06:29 AM
Gervase 16 Dec 10 - 06:44 AM
GUEST,Neil D 16 Dec 10 - 09:38 AM
Richie Black (misused acct, bad email) 16 Dec 10 - 10:43 AM
GUEST,999 16 Dec 10 - 10:59 AM
Gervase 16 Dec 10 - 11:15 AM
GUEST,999 16 Dec 10 - 11:34 AM
GUEST,Grishka 16 Dec 10 - 11:34 AM
Dorothy Parshall 16 Dec 10 - 11:39 AM
Dorothy Parshall 16 Dec 10 - 11:45 AM
GUEST,999 16 Dec 10 - 11:47 AM
Gervase 16 Dec 10 - 11:52 AM
GUEST,erbert 16 Dec 10 - 12:06 PM
GUEST,erbert 16 Dec 10 - 12:19 PM
akenaton 16 Dec 10 - 12:26 PM
VirginiaTam 16 Dec 10 - 12:30 PM
Bobert 16 Dec 10 - 12:34 PM
jacqui.c 16 Dec 10 - 12:39 PM
Silas 16 Dec 10 - 01:15 PM
Richie Black (misused acct, bad email) 16 Dec 10 - 02:14 PM
akenaton 16 Dec 10 - 02:23 PM
Gervase 16 Dec 10 - 02:42 PM
GUEST,Silas 16 Dec 10 - 02:44 PM
akenaton 16 Dec 10 - 03:02 PM
Lox 16 Dec 10 - 03:17 PM
gnu 16 Dec 10 - 03:19 PM
Wesley S 16 Dec 10 - 04:20 PM
Jim Dixon 16 Dec 10 - 04:40 PM
Joe Offer 16 Dec 10 - 07:08 PM

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Subject: BS: How to Deal With People Complaining
From: Richie Black (misused acct, bad email)
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 04:49 AM

There are a lot of annoying people out there who like to whine and complain about others for no reason. Many of these people are passive aggressive sorts. So what is the best way to deal with them ?

Accept that when you are being complained about for something you're sure you didn't do, then it's not your problem. Realize that you are not the problem, it's the one complaining who has a problem. That's right, they have a problem.
      

Ask the complainer to put their complaint in writing by pivate messaging you. Tell them that it is important that they only state the facts, not their feelings. Then encourage them to give their comments to the person (or persons) who can actually do something about their complaint. Nine times out of ten, they will stop complaining and they won't write anything down.
   
   

Think of the complainer as a three year old. Their life is more suited to a little kid than a teenager because all they do is whine and complain for no reason. There is a good chance they are a sad old fart and their keypad is their only friend in life.

Here are some reasons about why people whine and complain all of the time: They are immature: mature people don't waste time whining, running to anyone who will listen and complain. They may have a big ego, or think they're better than the rest, and that's (usually) not true. If they are complaining about you and demand an apology, and you have no idea what you have done wrong, don't give it to them! It's not your fault that they are never satisfied!

People who whine and complain all of the time are very poisonous. Avoid them if possible.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Richie Black (misused acct, bad email)
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 04:52 AM

Sorry, my full thread title didn't come up, should have read "How to deal with people Complaining"


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 05:30 AM

Ignore them; I do.
Life's too short for pettiness.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: andrew e
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 05:38 AM

If someone complains/says something negative about something I have or haven't done,then I accept that that is how they feel.
So there's not much point in arguing, but I may tell them my reasons.
If I really look at it, then there's nearly always a little bit of truth there!
I may or may not decide to act differently in future, but it's always an opportunity to learn.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Gervase
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 05:43 AM

I find PMs are great at revealing the true nature of posters here. For example, this is a taste of a steaming mess that arrived in my inbox from one recent arrival here who seems to be posting rather prolifically (although rarely about music):
Have you a problem whiskers are do you want one ?
Go fuck yourself you old cunt...
Laughing my cunt out here, what the fuck could an ole cunt at your age do ? come on tell me. I have have my head in and out of that pit marked face of yours before you knew what happened. BNP ? Sorry cunt, I don't like them. I see you are on bebo and facebook, like the young ones then I take it, you should select a better picture than the one of you wearing the hat holding the doggie looks a bit dodgy, it has kiddyfiddler written all over it.

Do yourself a favour and don't cross swords with me, then again, it just might be fun to play you like a fiddle, your call you ole cunt.

Interesting how the unmediated style is so different to the cut'n'pasted Daily Mail views one sees from the public posts of this person.
So, Richie, should I take such messages as a masterclass in how to deal with people complaining? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Richie Black (misused acct, bad email)
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 05:57 AM

I agree Garvase, I also received a couple of really nasty perverted private messages of a sexual and racial naure from a member,I don't want to post them they are so bad, I can if you wish. Sound Familiar to you?

Please keep to the thread.

Best wishes
Richie


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: GUEST,Steamin' Willie
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 06:29 AM

The beauty of not having a membership... Nobody can pm me.

Mind you, seems like I have been missing out on some good pms.. Frustrating for the whingers, they have to either ignore my posts, (fair enough, but can frustrate them if it is their ego at the keyboard,) or show their true colours even further, which is interesting to say the least.

A good many years ago, I had cause to sack an employee. the details aren't important and it was one of the those nice but rare occasions where the tribunal agreed with us.

The following Xmas, I received a card. It was all professionally printed, (where DID he buy it from? I want some...) and on the front it said;

Merry Xmas. Jesus loves you.

When you opened it, it said;

But everybody else reckons you are a cunt.

Made my day. Perhaps if I joined up,as I am sure Joe Offer would prefer we all do, I too can go back to laughing at the absurdity of others' takes on me. Assuming I am worthy of a pm from our armchair socialist brethren?

Mind you, some have a go within threads. I like that. one nice person even looked up a definition for Steamin' Willie. Shocking, but I don't read the sorts of websites he must go on. he has been calling me Mr Fluids ever since!


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Gervase
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 06:44 AM

Oh, do share Richie. I wonder, perchance, if they come from the same person. Somehow though, if you did actually receive them, I don't think that's possible.
For what it's worth, these were my replies to the messages in question:

Have you a problem whiskers are do you want one ?
Is English your mother tongue?
You really need to try harder, you ignorant fuckwit. Now bore off and piss up someone else's leg, there's a love.
xxx

Go fuck yourself you old cunt
Feel better now?
Do us all a favour and hobble off back to the BNP, you pig-ignorant troll. Or spend some
time at adult-literacy classes rather than dribbling on your keyboard and spewing out
bollocks from the Daily Express.
It's no wonder that the Yanks on this forum think the Brits are feeble-minded cretins when
pond-life like you splashes out from the shallow end of the gene pool to crayon all over
the place. Go back to wanking over schoolgirls or whatever it was you did before you
stumbled across this forum.
If you'd like to meet up to 'discuss' matters, you'll find where I am easily enough, though a
snivelling, balding blow-hard like you would probably piss himself at the prospect!
XXX


So yes, PMs do allow for a more robust discourse, don't they Richie love?


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 09:38 AM

But how do you deal with people who complain about people who complain?


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Richie Black (misused acct, bad email)
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 10:43 AM

I don't think it's much of an achievement to display comments that have clearly been "doctored". In regard to that pm you just sent me a few minutes ago, I don't understand what you're suggesting. I understand your temptation to use such tactics – however I can say from my experience such things don't work very well for you. Honestly is always the best policy. Always stay calm and firm when other people can't.

Now let's stick to the thread please.

I wish you a happy holiday period Gervase

Richie


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: GUEST,999
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 10:59 AM

Shoot `em.

OK, that`s excessive. People generally complain for a reason--possibly unknown to most folks. I recall a young fellow coming into class on a Monday morning when I was a beginning teacher. As per usual, I addressed him, gave him a smile and received a dirty look. Fortunately one of the other kids in class came over to me in a hurry and said, `May I speak with you outside.` Out we went. She said, `He didn`t mean to be rude. His grandmother died on Saturday.`

As for pms--well, look at the initials.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Gervase
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 11:15 AM

So, foul-mouthed and also a liar, eh Mr Black. I had no reason to doctor anything and, although I didn't name the sender of those abusive PMs, your squealing speaks volumes.

And I give you my full permission to reproduce any PMs I might have sent you. I'd be particularly interested to see the one I'm alleged to have sent a few minutes ago. Please post it here, because it doesn't appear in the list of messages I've sent, there's a dear.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: GUEST,999
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 11:34 AM

In my logged-in Mudcat persona I have received many PMs from Gervase. He`s never been other than polite, FYI. We have on occasion been at odds--read in serious disagreement over issues--and he`s been a gentleman at all times.

Peace (that`s a joke).


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 11:34 AM

Neil, complain about them in Mudcat. That will produce so many new causes of complaint that you forget your original problem, which thus is solved.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 11:39 AM

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do speak your mind, you are a mile further away from them, and you have their shoes."


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 11:45 AM

On the other hand:

Once the realization is accepted that between the closest human beings, considerable distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole and against a wide sky. -Rainer Maria Rilke.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: GUEST,999
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 11:47 AM

Likewise, ya can always say--when someone complains--`Sorry, that`s NOT my department.`


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Gervase
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 11:52 AM

Some people are better at dealing with complaints than others. My daughter worked briefly for a supermarket chain, and they tried to persuade her to join the customer services team - dealing with complaints - until she threatened to wear her tee-shirt which read 'Do I look like a f***ing people person?'
Oddly enough, the little old ladies on the checkouts loved her.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: GUEST,erbert
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 12:06 PM

I really think "cunt" is such an absurd insult. I'd regard it more as a term of endearment.
Though if anyone were to call me an 'arsehole', now that's a different matter altogether.

I don't join social network sites or register at mudcat, for mainly the reasons as above..

However, in real life, petty malicious unfounded complaints that can affect my social reputation,
employment prospects or finances;
that's a significant problem that I as yet can not always succeed in countering
or recover from.

Who know's to what extent I've suffered from anonymous complaints I've never even been aware of..???

...the smirking backstabbing arseholes.

Life is shit, mainly because of the random nastiness of pathetic two-faced sociopaths.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: GUEST,erbert
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 12:19 PM

..and its interesting to note, that every time I've become aware of people,
at work or in social activities, distorting the truth, or blatantly lying about me for their own ambitious gain.

Well funnily enough, they've always been middle-class professional folk.
Or ruthless aspirational wannabe middle-class arseholes.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: akenaton
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 12:26 PM

Well. I fall out with everyone ...all the time...on every subject and in seven years I've never received an abusive PM...and if I had, I would simply pass it on to Joe.
I would certainly never re-print it on the open forum....most folk who send those sort on messages are suffering themselves, perhaps with depression, or some other personal problem.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 12:30 PM

This might help.

Rules for Kittens in Mudcattery


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 12:34 PM

Well, there are many different kinds of complaints...

Some are justified... Like workin' a man for minimum wage... That is justified...

And some are borderline justified... Like a bad call in a sports event that really didn't change the outcome of the contest...

But most are garden variety, small town, nit-picking that really aren't worth anyone's time or energy... Did you hear that Betty G hangs her socks from the top on the clothesline... Who cares??? Turn the radio up because getting involved with that kinda stuff is bad fir yer karma...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: jacqui.c
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 12:39 PM

I'm staying with my daughter right now and, this morning, we had a policeman at the door just gone 8am. Someone had made a complaint that my car was parked on the pavement outside my daughter's house. True enough, it was, because they live at the end of a small close and, if I parked on the road, the woman opposite would have trouble getting her car off the drive. My car is parked there for, at the most six weeks during the year, when I come over from the USA. There was still plenty of room on the pavement for the very few people who walk past my daughter's house, something with which the policeman agreed. He also muttered about petty complaints and said he would get back to serious work.

My daughter guessed that it was her next door neighbour whose wife called another neighbour a paedophile some time ago and ended up in court for defamation. My daughter had to give evidence against her and there has been an atmosphere ever since. It seems that they are trying to get even. Funny thing is, THEY park a big work van on the pavement at times. These are people who leave two full grown Labradors in a small hutch in the garden for about eight hours while they work, who don't pick up when the dogs poop on their five minute walk down the local path and the guy is known to drive drunk.

My daughter is now ready to become a complainer.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Silas
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 01:15 PM

Personally, I think Gervase had every right and reason to publish those pathetic PMs from the troll. The troll started the thread as a deliberate attempt to start some sort of flame – well, now we know just what sort of idiot he is.
I used to find his meanderings rather amusing, now they just irritate.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Richie Black (misused acct, bad email)
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 02:14 PM

People can make some truly insensitive remarks which, for the most part, aren't meant to hurt you, but are made without the presence of forethought. Instead of letting a nasty comment ruin your day, deal with it. I tend to put the offender back in their rightful place. Matching your wit to theirs may is just the thing they need to remind them to keep their comments to themselves, this puts them on the spot and is a good way to render some sweet revenge.

Laughter is the best response for anyone who is obnoxious . Maintain your sense of humour at all times, even in the face of adversity, explain to them the gap between ignorance and knowledge.

Remember "If you don't have nothin' good to say then don't say nothin' at all?"


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: akenaton
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 02:23 PM

The problem with publishing these things Silas, is that we never know who is telling the truth....one member may just be attempting to blacken the character of another, we have no way of knowing.

Better to let Joe deal with the matter privately.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Gervase
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 02:42 PM

Very true. And, of course, I'm sure I have every reason to Blacken the character of whoever it might have been that sent me those PMs; someone who has contributed so much that is constructive and musical to the Mudcat.
I've little better to do than sit at my keyboard making up nonsense, as any fule no. Indeed, it's well-known that I have a track record for such stuff, and I very rarely contribute anything to threads pertaining to music.
Why, I'm so cross that I'll smack my own arse and put myself to bed without any supper for even attempting to sow the seeds of discord in what is a very harmonious forum.

Seriously, though, I would complain to the management about my actions, but complaints don't seem to do very much round here; the trolls are taking over the asylum and this place is becoming a creche for fascists and thugs.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: GUEST,Silas
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 02:44 PM

Well, having known Gervase for many years and having known this troll for a few months (and you only have to read some of his posts) ther is little doubt just where the problem lies.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: akenaton
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 03:02 PM

I didn't mean to imply that Gervase wasn't telling the truth, but you can see what I mean.

Gervase himself can be quite abrasive when his feathers are ruffled, but I'm sure anything he wanted to say would be said on open forum.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Lox
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 03:17 PM

Gervase,

"when pond-life like you splashes out from the shallow end of the gene pool to crayon all over
the place"

For this comment you owe me a new keyboard as I was sipping tea when I read it ...

... in addition, I may need you to reimburse me the cost of therapy to help me recover from the pain in My Ribs ...


Then again ... it was worth it!!!


Lox - (your new #1 fan)


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: gnu
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 03:19 PM

All trolls and all others shoud be aware of the fact that PMs are are on record. That is to say, someone stupid enough to be abusive in writing in a PM is liable... period. It has happened more than once here, and not just in PMs. Be civil... but don't back down from abuse. I dish it back twofold when I get it and I make no apologies.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Wesley S
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 04:20 PM

Is this another one of those lovers quarrels the English love to have among themselves because they can't agree on what year folk music was invented?


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 04:40 PM

Something just came to mind that I read a long time ago, in the book "Games People Play" by Eric Berne (1964). He describes a game he calls "Why don't you—yes but." It goes like this:

Player A complains about something.

Player B assumes that Player A has a problem and wants help solving it. Player B suggests a solution: "Why don't you—?"

Player A rejects the solution: "Yes, but—I can't do that, or that won't work, because—."

Player B suggests another solution.

Player A rejects that solution, too.

And so on.

Theoretically, "B" could win by forcing "A" to say, "Yes, you're right: your solution will work, so I'll do that. You've been very helpful. Thank you."

Or, theoretically, "A" could win by forcing "B" to say, "OK, I understand now: there's no solution, therefore this problem is definitely not your fault. You're a saint to endure the hardships that fate imposes on you."

But in practice, that never happens. The game is always played to a stalemate.

There's a lot more you could read on this subject.


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Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complaining
From: Joe Offer
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 07:08 PM

Please be aware that we cannot tolerate combat here, no matter how righteous the cause. That statement also applies to you, Gervase....
There are a few people who like to stir things up here. We call them trolls, and they are despicable - but what's worse is the general outrage from those who respond to them. The trolls are actually quite civilized, but the self-righteous response from indignant Mudcatters is not.
Over the last few weeks, I have received a number of messages of condemnation from Mudcatters who are outraged that we do not stand up to the trolls. Look, people - trolls want to do battle. That's what they live for. The best way to respond to them is NOT to do battle.
This thread is closed.

-Joe Offer, Forum Moderator-


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This Thread Is Closed.


Mudcat time: 26 October 2:47 AM EDT

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