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BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux
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BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux |
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Subject: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: katlaughing Date: 01 Sep 99 - 05:57 PM We are a loquacious lot! The other thread was up to 114 and really taking a long time to post, thus, part Two! Finally thought of one, actually heard is more like it. The phone rang at 530a this morning. I was up, like a fool who couldn't sleep. Unlike me, Rog was in bed, sound asleep, like every night, when he isn't working out of town. I clear my throat, pick up the receiver and say, "Hello?" and hear, "Is Roger there?" It is always the tv station people who call, all hours of the night and early morning. Nobody else calls then. They always ask that, never saying "May I speak to....".
I am always SO tempted to say, "No, uh...he didn't come last night. Do YOU know where he is????" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: catspaw49 Date: 02 Sep 99 - 12:24 AM Yes the phone...........late at night........One of my many road stories. In the years I travelled as a rep. then in National Accounts and as a divisional director with Sun, there are probably a thousand tales lurking behind what's left of my brain. I wasn't married then and I was often gone weeks at a time and one night I'm in Dallas and it's after 1 AM. Phone rings...........
Shitfaced rep answers (me): "Uh yeah...."
CLICK......drunken rep returns to bed....RRRIIIINNNNGGG
"Yeah?" Then it hit me........These were the "old" days and 411 was information...it was also my room number and this guy had forgotten to dial 9 first! After we sorted things out, I left the receiver off the hook and went back to bed. Spaw
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Alice Date: 02 Sep 99 - 12:34 AM A have a very good friend who works in Yellowstone Park. The tourists are notorious for asking stupid questions. I asked him tonight if he had any from this week's work... he had a few to relate. Here's one.... A woman came up to him and asked him what kind of animal was grazing in the meadow along the road. He replied, "That is a cow elk." She asked, "What is a cow?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: WyoWoman Date: 02 Sep 99 - 12:50 AM I once got a heavy breather, whom I mistook as my (now-ex) husband being frisky with me. So I began to breathe heavily, and flamboyantly, back at him. Suddenly, I realized that a.) he wasn't kidding around and 2.) I KNEW my husband's heavy breathing and this wasn't IT. That man called me every day for weeks until I discovered that whistling through my fingers loudly into the receiver seemed to dampen his ardor. (OK, so it wasn't a stupid question ... still, it was a pretty stupid response to an unspoken question!) ww |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: KingBrilliant Date: 02 Sep 99 - 02:27 AM I know this is a cliche but it really did happen this weekend. We were outside the concert tent at Towersey festival, and a 13yr old girl and a 7yr old boy were chatting with us. The boy asked the girl what her dog was called. 'Lady' she replied. 'Oh', he responded 'is it a girl or a boy?'. Kris |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Jeremiah McCaw Date: 02 Sep 99 - 06:55 AM Speaking of heavy breathing ... a friend of mine got an obscene phone call ... couple of heavy breaths, followed by "If you can guess what I'm holding in my hand, you can have a piece of the action." Without missing a beat she replied, "If you only need one hand to hold it, I'm not interested!" The perv hung up immediately. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Allan C. Date: 02 Sep 99 - 07:35 AM My friend, David, was awakened late at night by the ringing phone. He picked up. "Hello." "Hi, David. Did I wake you?" "No problem. I had to get up to answer the phone anyway." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Bat Goddess Date: 02 Sep 99 - 07:43 AM Many years ago (in a galaxy far far away -- oh, forget it!) I got an obscene phone call at really the wrong time. I had just been to a "singles" gathering at a Unitarian church 40 miles away and had left almost immediately (with the friend who talked me into it in the first place) because the situation was so hysterically stereotypical (funnier, actually, once I got home -- painfully boring being there) and I had just curled up with _The Women's Room_ when the phone rang. I just wasn't in the mood. Told the guy off -- AND he called back and apologised! I wish I had written it all down at the time because I've forgotten exactly what I said to him, etc. But it's kept me amused for the past 20 years. Linn the Bat Goddess (BTW, the bats have left for the season) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: catspaw49 Date: 02 Sep 99 - 08:14 AM Dear Bat Goddess, I was curious.....When is the RIGHT time to receive an obscene phone call? I am available most hours and will be happy to oblige. Please send me your number and any particular perversions which you prefer. S/M, bondage, discipline/domination, golden showers........If group sex is your preference, perhaps we can set up a conference call with your buddy Jeri and maybe Big Mick, Katlaughing, Rick, or others ...your choice. Father Joebro can be made available for confessional immediately afterwards.
Yours in Heavy Breathing, Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: WyoWoman Date: 02 Sep 99 - 10:31 AM You know, 'Spaw, I think the idea of providing instant confessional assistance could go a long way toward making sin and forgiveness a much more attractive package. None of this waiting around, getting all raked over by your conscience while you wait for absolution of one sort or another. Nope, just sin, enjoy yourself, then flag down Father Joebro and wash it all away. You could do marathon weekends of really lovely, gritty sin, pancaked with instant forgiveness and be ready to go back to work on Monday with an absolutely stainless soul. Sort of the spiritual version of catch and release ... Great concept. Bears developing... ww |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: MudGuard Date: 02 Sep 99 - 10:36 AM Why not get the absolution during sinning? Would save your conscience even more trouble! Or do it like with those prepaid phonecards. Get yourself some absolution units, and then you can sin like hell till all your units are used... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: maddy Date: 02 Sep 99 - 11:00 AM i was the guilty party on this one: [at about noon, very sleepy sounding voice] hello? [forgetting that she works nights] oh, i'm sorry, l..., did i wake you up? [surprisingly calm] not yet. then there was the obscene phone call i was glad to get at 3 a.m. because it wasn't the computer room calling about a production problem and i could just hang up. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: catspaw49 Date: 02 Sep 99 - 11:09 AM So that'd be 3 AM for maddy..............Now maddy if you'll just leave your number and desired perversion, as I told Bat Goddess, I'm happy to oblige. The "Pre-Paid Absolution Card" may have possibilities. Father Joebro needs to look into it and of course there would some profit which could be turned over to the "Mudcat Church of Our Lady of Unadulterated Crappola." "Support the Mudcat--Sin Today" Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Bert Date: 02 Sep 99 - 11:16 AM "Pay today -- Sin tomorrow" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Bert Date: 02 Sep 99 - 11:20 AM Wanna sin? Will that be debit or credit? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Jeri Date: 02 Sep 99 - 11:43 AM The Mudcat Pre-Paid Absolution Card would have to include some Mudcat specific sins: Not searching the DB before requesting lyrics. Telling a particularly stinko pun. Getting sucked in by insults from gothic architectural features. Winding up Catspaw (this usually is done by submitting a message). Sending embarrassing photos to people who will inevitably tell the whole world, and e-mail it to half of them. Got any more? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: catspaw49 Date: 02 Sep 99 - 12:21 PM Jeri, I just can't help myself. At least the Mudcat gives me time to think about whether or not I WANT to make that smart-ass remark as opposed to real life where Karen is so often chagrined that I DO. How did I ever have such luck...meeting a woman who would/could tolerate my juvenile, moronic, and generally dumb, ramblings. Actually I asked her to marry me almost the day we met; figured that the less she knew about me the better. On the other hand.................Right now, I'm doing my utmost to resist calling an ad I just saw on the "Prevue Channel." I had to let it go through it's cycle again so I could believe what I read the first time...and then again so I could get one more look. Any question I ask would be stupid, but what option is there when the ad reads:
WHY PAY THE HIGH COST OF NURSING HOMES? Hello...McCafferty's?....Yeah, I was wondering what size storage units you had? See, we're really busy during the next few months and I was wondering if you had something to fit my mother-in-law? Do you take Medicare/Medicaid? I love local ads........... Spaw---who NOT ONCE in this post referred to you as "CLAMFOOT" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Bat Goddess Date: 02 Sep 99 - 12:32 PM Regarding what I usually do when I get an obscene phone call and I'm in the mood (whatever kind of mood that is) and it's not just a heavy breather who is REALLY boring, I usually just say, "Excuse me while I get a cigarette" (I don't smoke -- that's just to let the perpetrator know I'm actually interested and/or taking notes). Fortunately/unfortunately they usually hang up at this point. Is it something I said? I just wanted material for my novel. (Good show, Jeri, on absolution card.) Linn the BG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: catspaw49 Date: 02 Sep 99 - 12:45 PM Dear Bat Goddess, So what is a good time when you're in the "mood?" And you didn't leave your phone number! Look if you want, we can do this on a thread, but there would have to be some assurance that all parties were nekkid. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Margo Date: 02 Sep 99 - 12:53 PM And my husband wonders why I sit at the computer and chuckle continuously. My dad has no patience. Especially not for telemarketers. One evening, we were having Sunday dinner, and the phone rang. My dad answered, and by his reply, we knew that it was a telemarketer who had gotton only so far as to state their name. Dad says, "Yes, and I don't know you from a hole in the ground. Goodbye." Now maybe it was the sweet tones in which he spoke, or merely what he said. But every time I think about it I get a chuckle...... Margarita |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Bert Date: 02 Sep 99 - 12:56 PM gothic architectural features... I love it Jeri Although, I'm an engineer so I would put function before form, and the term that comes most readily to my mind is "gutter spout" ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Bill D Date: 02 Sep 99 - 01:16 PM telemarketers invariably begin with "how are you today?"...which one lady defeats by telling them!...."oh, you wouldn't believe...my sciatica is acting up, and my indigestion is worse..and I think that my gall bladder is going to have to come out....."...she says it works everytime...they just say 'excuse me' and hang up as to the instant confession or pre-paid sin-card...there is a joke about a Rabbi being asked to sub for a priest at confession..("it's dark in here they'll never know it's not me, and I'll be back in 30 minutes")...the priest gives a demo..(girl comes in and confesses to having had sex with 2 guys...gets 10 OF's and 20 HM's..etc..)....so the Rabbi sits down...and wouldn't you know it, another girl comes in...confesses to having had sex last week...."how many times?" asks the Rabbi. "just once, Father". "well, go out and do it once more...we're having a 2 for 1 deal today"... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Jeremiah McCaw Date: 02 Sep 99 - 03:52 PM I remember when I was a youngster (way back when), there was this billboard on the way up to my cousin's place. Just said, "JESUS DIED FOR YOUR SINS". I guess I was an irreverent little sheiser even then, 'cause I wanted nothing more than to add to it, "Don't disappoint him; sin a little". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: radriano Date: 02 Sep 99 - 04:08 PM Thought I might as well chime in with one of my own. Some years ago I was listening to an interview on the radio. Can't remember who was being interviewed but he was an Irish singer who was travelling though the area. The interviewer starts off with this classic question: "So, how long have you been Irish?" Cheers to all, radriano |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Bert Date: 02 Sep 99 - 04:19 PM radriano, That's not quite as silly as it sounds. I have a friend who is American, He traced his roots back to Scotland, joined 'his' clan and learned to play the bagpipes and learned Gaelic. Then he converted to Judaism and learned Hebrew. Bert. (perhaps this post belongs under 'Regional humor') |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: katlaughing Date: 02 Sep 99 - 05:29 PM When we lived in Northampton, MA, a town well-known for its liberal openness, esp. for gays and lesbians, my youngest daughter, then about 8 yrs old, came up to me one day and said, like our dog which was half-Dobie and half-Shepherd, she thought she might be "part-lesbian". When we really talked about it, of course what she meant was she liked my friends who were lesbian and thus she must be, too! We had quite a chuckle over that one for years, and alas....as an adult, she is solely interested in men. katonthefence |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Bill D Date: 02 Sep 99 - 07:06 PM alas, a lack? ;o) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Guy Wolff Date: 02 Sep 99 - 07:25 PM I think the one that got me over and over again in my first year of selling my pottery was when someone came in and after a minute or two turned to me and said "Do these mugs break?"...Well it's a fine question but after half a year of it I got alittle crazed and then the day came...I knew he was going to say it I just knew it and when the words left his lips <>><>> as it splintered into a thousand little peices I turned to the guy and said "Yes if yoou abuse them they will break... To my amazment he bought six!!Go figure.. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked-Part Deux From: Margo Date: 02 Sep 99 - 08:20 PM A little etemology for you. The word "Gargoyle" does indeed come from the word for gurgle, since the function of those particular pieces of architechture are water spouts. All very apropos, n'est-ce pas? Marguerite |