Feedback please ona song attempt

Subject: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Barry Finn
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 12:51 AM

I'm asking for feedback (again & thanks) on a rough draft of something I wrote last night. I'd like to post the words first (can't do tunes) so all can view the words & then post where to song came from. What I'd like to find out is without the backround does the song paint a clear enough picture for a good understanding of the situation or is it a bit vague. Any other commments are just as welcome.

No Title Yet

One of 10,000 was Mary Malloy
Ripped out of her orphanage soon after the war
They never were asked, they never were told
That they'd dig for the church Australia's gold (2x)

They came without family, without history or name
They belonged to country & no country showed shame
At 6 years of age Mary helped build the home
And the blood from little hands still stain the stones (2x)

The grand Church of England along with the Crown
Rid themselves of these children & still turned a pound
It's Botany Bay all over again
Sold as slaves after taken from kin (2x)

How could church or a country need so many small hands
Or the Christian Brothers slaves to till their land
To beat & to rape them & turn a blind eye
To deny that they lived to deny that they died (2x)

It's 50 long years since Mary stepped from the quay
And they all just found out that they had families
Still no country no passport no place of their own
Not a hope or a prayer for a way to get home (2x)

Where lies the fault who takes the blame
When there's no country no church no kids that felt pain
What in the world could help make this wrong right
That would bring out this nightmare into the light (2x)

I recently saw a story about how 10,000 children in orphanages in England were taken out & shipped to Western Australia. They were lied to about where they were going, how far it was, how long they'd be there & what to expect. These kids ranged in ages from 5-10 so what could they have understood. They were told they were orphans & so far that's been the case of 1 out of 1,000's. When they arrived they were subjected to physical & sexual abuses, starvation, forced hard (child) labor & tourture. The Church of England & the Brittish government had a hand in the supply & the Catholic Church & the Australian government handled the demand side. To date only the Catholic Church has admited to gross injustices & the Brittish government had set up a one time visit fund for victims which only a handfull have been able to cut though to use (as if paying for a one time airline ticket is any attempt at healing), the Brittish are now investigating this practice that lasted till the mid 60's. The Australian government holds that there's no reason so far to investigate (I know nothing). There still stands a statue the benevolent head Abbott Father Kiennen, the one who delighted in his creation of this slave labor force & pleasantly administered all the brutal whippings, his hand on the shoulder of a young subject as if he were Lord Protector. Many of these now elderly victims can't visit the families they never knew they had because they can't qualify for passports, they aren't Australians & they're not Brittish & not much is being done to make special considerations for them either. Well you've got some of the backround but I wonder if I've given enough in the song to give the story any justice. Thanks for all comments. Barry

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 01:02 AM

Barry, it is a fine and heartwrenching song and the background is horrifying. Reminds me of all the native American children who were forcibly removed from their families, forced into church run schools, denied their cultural ways, their languages, their families, etc. It is a sickening tale of self-righteous zealots.

Do you know where I can find more info on the this, with facts, numbers, etc. Sounds like a good op/ed column for the papers I write for.

If ya have a tune, you could send it to someone who knows abc format to post, using MediaRing. There are a couple of threads which tell how.

Good work!

kat

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: j0_77
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 01:11 AM

We WILL DO SOMETHING bout this one .. you bet ..

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 01:12 AM

Looks to me as if you've got a damned good grip on it, Barry. Will you sing it for us at the Getaway?

Sandy

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 01:20 AM

Once again Mr. Finn, you put me away. Wonderfully written and I too look forward to hearing it at FSGW.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Ana
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 02:54 AM

Good one Barry! - I certainly knew of this happening, as many of the British children were also sent to New Zealand - I had no idea however that it involved quite so many. The Antipodeas have a sad record throughout that War/post war period. Many Australian Aboriginal children were also wrenched from their families if it was considered that they also had a white parent. Kids have this habit of growing into adulthood and holding abusers (be it State or individuals) accountable. I'm pleased you're spreading this message. Kia kaha (be strong!) Ana

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 03:47 AM

I saw a tv programme on the subject a few years ago (in England). There was a strong reaction at the time, and I think things have been gathering momentum since. I occasionally spot things in the press. It certainly should have more exposure.

Steve

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Alan of Australia
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 03:55 AM

G'day,
We've been aware of this for a few years now but there was (still is I think) a cover up for many years. Same for the "stolen generation" of aboriginal children. Our prime minister recently acknowledged the crime to the aboriginal people but stopped short of an apology. I'm not sure whether one generation of people should apologize for the crimes of a few politicians etc. in the previous generation, but maybe our leaders should.

Cheers,
Alan

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Allan C.
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 07:44 AM

Barry, I think you captured the story quite well in your lines. My only criticism would be to change the number of syllables in the first line of the last verse. Perhaps, "Where lies the fault? Tell me, who takes the blame?". Just a thought. This is certainly a story that needs telling. I think it is great that you have chosen it.

Now that I look again, the Botany Bay line seems a little short too. Maybe "It's like Botany Bay all over again." -- All of this is pure conjecture on my part as I cannot hear how the words might fit the tune you may have in mind.

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Jeri
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 08:24 AM

Suggested titles: "Blood From Little Hands," "Small Hands," or "Mary Malloy."

Barry, the words alone are very powerful and the background was obvious to me before your explanation. I hadn't heard about the orphan slaves before your song. I can't wait to hear you sing this - either at the Getaway or maybe a little sooner.

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Bert
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 09:24 AM

A great song, I like it.

You say...I wonder if I've given enough in the song to give the story any justice....

I can see your point, perhaps you could make the last verse more powerful, maybe demanding answers instead of asking questions.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Big Mick
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 09:31 AM

Yeah, Bro Barry, I am with Bert. I saw this story on telly the other night and was outraged. The deed was bad enough, but the intransigence at righting the wrong and apologizing infuriates me. I think you have crafted a marvelous lyric, but I would probably do a closing verse that is a call to action. But that being said, this lyric is done very well. I am looking forward to hearing it at the Getaway.

All the best,

Mick

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: folk1234
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 10:02 AM

This couldn't be! There must be a mistake! Not from the last Great Generation of mem and leaders! The alleged perpetrators were all 'civilized' and of fine 'cultural and moral stock' and of 'impecable reputation'. A truly SHOCKING episode. Your song is a classic, Barry. A story that must be told in song for perpetuity.

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Pelrad
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 12:34 PM

Excellent, Barry. Stands on its own as a strong and moving poem, and I think with a tune it would be downright chilling.

I agree, howevr, with what a few others have said, it could use a stronger end verse. Can you write one more?

I think you have enough in the song that it stands alone, without excessive explanation.

Now I'll have to be sure to meet up with you soon; I want to hear this song.

Kim

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Joe Offer
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 12:48 PM

This happened just 50 years ago? Can anybody give us a link to the whole story? It must be available somewhere on the Web. I have to admit that I hadn't heard about it.
Can't say I'm in favor of the rash of apologies and demands for apologies we've heard in recent years. When they get too frequent, they begin to sound empty. Bill Clinton seems to be especially fond of apologizing. What good does it do to apologize for something done 50 years ago? Those who did the deed are dead beyond the point of being a threat to anybody. I'd rather see the current generation take action to resolve the problems remaining from the wrongdoing, and just leave the issue of blame and apology alone.
It's a great song, Barry. Can I expect to hear it on my voice mail, the way I heard the "tie a bowline" song you were talking about? (grin)
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Margo
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 09:40 PM

Barry, it was a bit confusing to me for you to say first that they were orphans, then they were ripped from their families. Of course, after you explained the whole story, I understood.

Perhaps something like "They feigned they were orphans soon after the war" That shows the deciet right away. Then the mention of being "sold as slaves after taken from kin" isn't confusing. Do I make sense? I hope so.

Bravo Barry. I know what it is like to agonize over lyrics, trying to find just the right words!

Margarita

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Alan of Australia
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 08:49 PM

G'day,
The question of apologising is a complex one. Understandably the current generation who are hopefully more enlightened than those of 50 years ago wonder why they should apologise for the deeds of a previous generation, but in Oz it really would mean a lot to the aboriginal people.

Cheers,
Alan

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Hummingbird
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 09:00 PM

Beautiful song, very touching. P.S. What is the Getaway???

Subject: RE: Feedback please ona song attempt
From: Barry Finn
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 10:21 PM

Hi All, thanks so much for all the input. Sometimes when I'm standing so close I can only see my nose so a reality check is very helpful.

I don't know much more of this issue, though it sounds that some here closer to it may have more info.

Children are victims that have no voice or power to escape the abuses heaped upon them. The lost generations of so many countries bear witness to their weaknesses & the willingness of others to use them for their own gain. My own older brother was orphaned by an unwed teen mother who signed away nothing & was put in a home for wayward girls so her chances of fighting to keep him were nil, it took 25 years for us to find each other. All who were involved have long since died which saves me that trouble. This was always to weird to write about but a racket envolving 10,000 is beyond weird.

A few years back I worked with a lot of MicMacs indians. They show me a video taken of a raid by the provincal police (Canadian State Troopers?). It was all over signing away their fishing rights, & support came in from tribes & nations all over North America. The Raid started after the school buses crossed the bridge, the raid began, the bridge blockaded, guns were drawn & the leverage was to keep the kids from their families (for how ever long it would take) & when one father went to the aid of his son who was trying to cross under the bridge, when the buses returned, both the father & child were shot at (to stop them from what? kids used again for the gain of a few). This was maybe only 7 or so years ago.

As for an apology, it's the first step towards acknowledging that a wrong has been done which helps in not repeating it & is the course to take in righting the wrongs. The only exception is when it's by an individual who's no longer around. The KKK, the Nazi, Murder INC, the governments of the world that inflicked crimes against humanity, religous organizations that stole the souls of those that they overran, business that would pollute the lands, seas & skys for the price of a profit, military groups that carry out scientific experiments unbeknownst to their human guinea pigs. No matter if the crime was commited decades ago by a board that's no longer making the calls or not that group still bears the responsibility & ownership of an apology & to see to it that their victims are seen to properly.

I have made some changes & I'm sure they'll be many more. I've enclosed the changes in ( ), please your continuing comments are most welcoming.br

One of 10,000 was Mary Malloy
Ripped out of her orphanage soon after the war
They never were asked, they never were told
That they'd dig for the church Australia's gold (2x)

They came without family, without history or name
They belonged to country & no country showed shame
At 6 years of age Mary helped build the home
And the blood from little hands still stain the stones (2x)

The grand Church of England along with the Crown
Rid themselves of these children & still turned a pound
It's Botany Bay all over again
Sold as slaves (and) taken from kin (2x)

How could church or a country need so many small hands
Or the Christian Brothers slaves to till their land
To beat & to rape them & turn a blind eye
To deny that they lived to deny that they died (2x)

It's 50 long years since Mary stepped from the quay
(Placed for the moment by hard time) families
Still no country no passport no place of their own
Not a hope or a prayer for a way to get home (2x)

Where lies the fault who takes the blame
(Needs need to met & a price needs to be paid
Not even a token or a sign of remorse
This screams for some to be nailed to a cross)(2x)
Thanks to you all. Barry