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Secret of Life is to ask Questions

Michael K. 09 Sep 99 - 10:37 AM
katlaughing 09 Sep 99 - 10:52 AM
catspaw49 09 Sep 99 - 10:52 AM
katlaughing 09 Sep 99 - 10:56 AM
Jeri 09 Sep 99 - 11:29 AM
Art Thieme 09 Sep 99 - 11:43 AM
AndyG 09 Sep 99 - 11:59 AM
Bert 09 Sep 99 - 12:15 PM
Peter T. 09 Sep 99 - 12:26 PM
katlaughing 09 Sep 99 - 12:43 PM
AndyG 09 Sep 99 - 12:52 PM
Jeri 09 Sep 99 - 12:53 PM
Peter T. 09 Sep 99 - 01:52 PM
catspaw49 09 Sep 99 - 02:14 PM
bbelle 09 Sep 99 - 02:23 PM
Peter T. 09 Sep 99 - 02:28 PM
Bill D 09 Sep 99 - 02:39 PM
Songbob 09 Sep 99 - 02:40 PM
Bert 09 Sep 99 - 02:42 PM
Bert 09 Sep 99 - 02:45 PM
Bert 09 Sep 99 - 02:49 PM
Allan C. 09 Sep 99 - 02:56 PM
Barbara 09 Sep 99 - 05:38 PM
jon a 09 Sep 99 - 05:58 PM
Joe Offer 09 Sep 99 - 07:44 PM
katlaughing 09 Sep 99 - 07:50 PM
catspaw49 09 Sep 99 - 09:29 PM
bbelle 09 Sep 99 - 09:41 PM
Lonesome EJ 09 Sep 99 - 09:50 PM
catspaw49 09 Sep 99 - 09:57 PM
Jeri 09 Sep 99 - 10:11 PM
catspaw49 09 Sep 99 - 10:21 PM
Dave Swan 09 Sep 99 - 10:40 PM
Jeri 09 Sep 99 - 10:43 PM
catspaw49 09 Sep 99 - 10:47 PM
Sandy Paton 10 Sep 99 - 12:20 AM
Big Mick 10 Sep 99 - 01:12 AM
Escamillo 10 Sep 99 - 02:02 AM
MudGuard 10 Sep 99 - 02:04 AM
Steve Parkes 10 Sep 99 - 04:37 AM
Roger in Baltimore 10 Sep 99 - 06:35 AM
Jeri 10 Sep 99 - 09:13 AM
Bert 10 Sep 99 - 09:53 AM
Bert 10 Sep 99 - 09:53 AM
Peter T. 10 Sep 99 - 10:49 AM
Bill D 10 Sep 99 - 11:30 AM
Easy Rider 10 Sep 99 - 12:37 PM
Allan C. 10 Sep 99 - 12:46 PM
Penny S. 13 Sep 99 - 03:59 PM
Peter T. 13 Sep 99 - 04:46 PM
Penny S. 13 Sep 99 - 04:54 PM
teller 13 Sep 99 - 07:09 PM
14 Sep 99 - 02:48 AM
GUEST,pitb@bellsouth.net 02 Nov 00 - 12:10 AM
SINSULL 02 Nov 00 - 09:27 AM
Steve Latimer 02 Nov 00 - 10:51 AM
GUEST,Matt_R 02 Nov 00 - 11:13 AM
mousethief 02 Nov 00 - 12:03 PM
Matt_R 02 Nov 00 - 12:12 PM
McGrath of Harlow 02 Nov 00 - 12:29 PM
Matt_R 02 Nov 00 - 12:44 PM
mousethief 02 Nov 00 - 12:47 PM
Matt_R 02 Nov 00 - 12:53 PM
mousethief 02 Nov 00 - 12:53 PM
Matt_R 02 Nov 00 - 01:11 PM
wysiwyg 02 Nov 00 - 02:07 PM
Uncle_DaveO 02 Nov 00 - 02:36 PM
GUEST 02 Nov 00 - 08:47 PM
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Subject: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Michael K.
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 10:37 AM

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD??

JERRY FALWELL

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side."

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX

It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN

What chicken?

KEN STARR

I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he co-operates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his feathers.)

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only explore your documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN

The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken," Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 10:52 AM

That is hilarious!


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 10:52 AM

Well stroked........I'm sure you're going to get some additions here.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 10:56 AM

And, how many, 'Spaw???


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Jeri
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 11:29 AM

Oh, I had a little chicken and it tried to cross the road
And it wound up in the middle with the possum and the toad
My chicken wouldn't come back, my chicken wouldn't stop,
Now when the cars go by it goes flop, flop, flop.

Singer/Songwriter (Apology to Shawn Colvin) I don't know why
My chicken crossed the road
And I don't know where
My little chicken goed
What was my chicken running from
Or what was she running to?
I don't know why I ask these things,
But I do

Anybody got a Bob Dylan version?

Pete Seeger? (We shall cross the road...)


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Art Thieme
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 11:43 AM

Why? To prove to the possum it could be done!!!

Art


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: AndyG
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 11:59 AM

Jeri,

I rather suspect Dylan's would start;
(ahem)
It ain't no use to sit and wonder why babe,
...

I leave the rest to your imagination.

AndyG


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Bert
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 12:15 PM

CATSPAW - To blow up a possum's bottom.

KATLAUGHING - To sit on my head.

DICK GREENHAUS - To post some lyrics for DT.

FERRARA - To get to the FSGW


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Peter T.
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 12:26 PM

She aches, just like a chicken
Yes she does, and she clucks, just like a chicken
Yes she does, and she F****, just like a chicken
But she squashes just like a little squirr'l.

yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 12:43 PM

LOLLOLLOL!!!!! Bert & Peter! Ooooo, BOY! You guys made my day...she F**** just like a chicken???!!!!

Andy...good guess on Dylan. Jeri....I love it!

katstilllaughing!


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: AndyG
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 12:52 PM

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why babe,
I guess you really should have knowed,
It ain't no use to sit and wonder why babe,
I'm on the far side of the road,
When the rooster crows at the break of dawn,
look in round the hen-coop, I'll be gone,
He's the reason that I'm movin' on,
Don't cluck twice it's alright.

AndyG


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Jeri
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 12:53 PM

Anybody wanna ask Peter how come he... YOO-HOOOO...paging Catspaw...


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Peter T.
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 01:52 PM

Ain't you never heard of being hen-pecked?
yours, Peter T.:
"She's got everything she needs, she's a chicken,
she don't look back
She's got everything she needs, she's a chicken, she don't look back,"
She can turn a road into a henhouse,
And spit herself on a BBQ rack.

You will start out henpecked
Proud to strut around her barnyard floor
You will start out henpecked,
Proud to strut around her barnyard floor,
But you will wind up like a slow fox Shot against the henhouse door.


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 02:14 PM

_________________THE MUDCAT VERSION________________

MAX: To get more power obviously. Get that 450 with a 10 gig...gotta' have multiple lines. Chicken can get with the program that way and I won't have to screw around with all those damn pissant systems you all have got.

JOE OFFER: I don't know, but if you'll give me 3 minutes, I can locate 2691 reference sites that might have additional information...and wasn't that a nice thing for the chicken to do?

BIG MICK: To get better working conditions of course. A fair day's laying for a fair amount of feed. Chickens need better health insurance and better contracts so that they share in the proceeds from the sale of residue chickenshit.......except for that little bastard of a rooster there that's going after "the Fair One"...Get me an Ax...........

KATLAUGHING: That sweet chicken....just probably wants a better view to help it investigate the mysteries of the cosmos, commune with the great "Spirit Chicken," and meditate upon the virtues of flight feathers.

RICK FIELDING: It had a chance to get a deal on vintage Martin, and someone had been stealing all his guitars on this side. On the other side he can play a proper F chord too, although I don't know what the hell that would be with those claws.......lessee now, you put the first talon on the....no that won't work. Use the second talon on the third so you can get the ninth...yeah, let's try that and......

BIG RiB: I really don't know, but I think it a fine idea if that's what the chicken wants. But I will add that no matter what the chicken wants, it has to take reality into account. And although I would hope to offer every possible assistance and kindness....the bird's going in the pot.

BILL D.: Because it has a brain the size of a pea. There is nothing wrong with this side of the road; it's been here and withstood the test of time and was good enough for 593 generations of chickens before.

JERI: It went over there to peck the crap out of Beebs for wiring up Catspaw with that stupid picture...and I like that in a chicken.

BBC(bbc): What a nice chicken to share with us on both sides of the road. That's so very kind of you. And tell me chicken, do you have any daughters. You see, my son David...........

ART THIEME: (You are all free to insert the absolute worst chicken jokes you know here. Please feel free to steal any of Art's too and insert them here if you don't have one of your own)

SANDY PATON: I really like the way the chicken crossed and it reminded me of a previous chicken crossing. Seems to me that Cherisse Chicken had a real nice version of road crossing too. Oh, and there's a beautiful duck version if I can find it around here........

ALISON(alison): Mick, leave the rooster alone. And tell the chicken when he gets to the other side, I'll be in the ICQ chatroom #6894863878375883996635477589364859361

BANJER: Beats me...but one good whack with this banjo and that chicken will be marryin' up with some homemade dumplings.

LEJ: The chicken swaggered up to the bar across the road and waited a moment at the door while he checked to see if his Roscoe was ready for action. Rock Island Red awaited him inside and he knew the price of not being prepared. It had happened before.

ALICE: I really don't care why, but when he gets here I've only got a few minutes to whip his chicken ass. Then I've got get in the shower so I can learn the lyrics to a new song, "I Don't Know Why My Harp Warps So Badly."

BERT: We used to play a game with chickens when I was young, but I can't seem to remember the rules....Or maybe we played chicken. I remember eating chicken, or was that a low fat chicken banger I had last night instead? I know there must be a chicken emoticon somewhere too. I think I remember writing a song about chicken emoticons, but I don't remember.

MMARIO: It's probably trying to escape from the school on the other side. I made the mistake of issuing that school the password "chickenlips" and now every time they go on line, they damn near rip the chicken's beak off checking.

ROGER the ZIMMER: Oh, GREAT! We're into chicken now? Wonderful! I just happen to have a tanker filled with machine separated, jellied, cherry flavored, chicken pudding that I can leave with you before going on to the "Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed" on holiday!

EL SWANNO: If I smash that sucker with one of these damn Scott Air Pacs, I can stuff it down my fishnet tights with the head sticking out and Pam will freak. Or maybe I can send it to the Captain as a gift when I'm picking up the new squad. Or maybe.....

PETER T.: Once again, the tragedy of the human stamp upon the environment has forced a lovely creature out of it's natural surroundings and forced it to take refuge in the coops and barnyards blighting the once glorious and green vistas so once well cared for by the tolerant and guiding hand of mother nature....................

Well there's more obviously, but I gotta' get something done around the house and in the shop before the day's out!

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: bbelle
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 02:23 PM

So, gather 'round people whenever you moan, And, think of the chicken who just crossed the road. She scurried along as she heard the cock crow, Oh, the cock, he is a chasin'.

He caught her and wooed her from nighttime 'til dawn, When daylight shown through she raced to the barn, To sit on her eggs and take a wee rest, Oh, the cock, he's still a chasin'.

moonchild


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Peter T.
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 02:28 PM

CATSPAW: "Now where were those wife and children and work and my life. There were here a minute ago. I put them down here just before I crossed the road and logged on for a few seconds. Strange?" (night falls, valleys rise, mountains sink).

yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 02:39 PM

...............I stand in awe...........


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Songbob
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 02:40 PM

My friend Jon Eberhart sang a wonderful song -- learned from Tennessee Ernie Ford, of all people -- called "Chicken Road," which was/is one of those quirky lots-of-odd-images-but-no-story-line songs. I can't remember it, but a line or two (probably incorrect, but what the hey) might give you an idea:

Once I had a boil on the side of my aching neck
[Grandma shot a squirrel last Thursday, by heck.]
Down at the creek, I saw a million toads --
Wonderful town, Chicken Road.

Sandy -- did he record that one for Folk Legacy? I'm not at home, so I can't look up the titles on his record, but you can. The line in [brackets] I made up whole cloth, 'cause my memory couldn't come up with anything like the real words. The line after that is suspect, too.

Now I think the Dylan version would be called "Sad-eyed Banty of the Farmyard," or "All Along the Fence Row," but I could be wrong.

Bob Clayton


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Bert
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 02:42 PM

'Spaw, LMAO, Abso-bloody-lutely wonderful.

Bert. BTW > How's this?


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Bert
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 02:45 PM

Oh well, it works on Explorer, looks silly on Netscape. I'll have to think about a more generic version.


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Bert
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 02:49 PM

SongBob, I'm glad I'm not the only old fart with a faulty memory. We won't tell 'Spaw though or he'll take the piss out of you ;-)


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Allan C.
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 02:56 PM

'Spaw, that is truly inspired! You seem to outdo yourself each day. I doubt that I'll know how to act if it gets much funnier around here!


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Barbara
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 05:38 PM

Great work, 'spaw!
ART THIEME: Why did the pervert cross the road? Because he had his ***** stuck in a chicken (but he used a condom).


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: jon a
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 05:58 PM

Total lunacy! just what we need to make it through the day

a). the chicken has the right to cross the road if it wishes b). the reason why the chicken crosses the road, if it chooses to do so, are it's own buisness.

Jon


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Joe Offer
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 07:44 PM

Gee, even Art Thieme may not be able to get the better of Catspaw in this thread.
-Joe Offer, also awestruck-


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 07:50 PM

I really, really have never laughed so hard, while in the Mudcat, as I did at this! SPAW YOU HAVE OUTDONE YOURSELF! This...This will go down in Mudcat history as one of the very best, very funniest of all postings.

BTW, did the chicken have a navel to contemplate? Maybe it crossed because it wanted to peck at the nice shiny quartz crystals that were strewn about? Or, maybe its cosmic master told it to, thereby saving it from being roadkill when that 2 ton tanker truck full of chickenshit came careening around the corner, on the wrong side of the road, so close to the road-crossing chicken it could feel the breeze up its arse! Then, again, perhaps in a past life it lived in the UK and so was used to walking on the opposite side than it did in this lifetime in the US (this chicken IS in the US, right? I am being hemicentric here, Sorry!) Either way, I am sure it did the best it knew how to, at the time and asked to be guided to do that which was for the highest good of all concerned, and...gave thanks that it was so!

katstilllaughinghysterically!


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 09:29 PM

Well, I thank you one and all and I have to say that although I generally just throw a bunch of crap out hoping someone else sees the humor, even when it's bad.........with all possible humility, I gotta' tell you I like this one myself!!! Hope I didn't offend anyone..... and I have a few more to add...but once in awhile I appreciate the approval of friends, so thanks for the "audience."

Really!!!

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: bbelle
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 09:41 PM

C'mon, 'spaw ... I appreciate your bad humor. Are you gearing up for the Getaway ... moonchild


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 09:50 PM

CATSPAW: " Truth is it was a ONE-LEGGED CHICKEN that had to HOP across the road in full flight from CLETUS,PAW and THE THREE REGS, who had built up a Hell of an appetite after a solid 4 hours of drinking Everclear and watching X-Rated henflicks- The Chicken was invited to LUNCH, where it was shocked to be confronted by Paw brandishing a Cleaver and the Reg's stomping out a shit-load of mashed potatoes in the sink - A HUGE FRACAS ensued, after which the Chicken fled (although Cletus claimed it went off half-cocked, what with the other half being breaded, deep-fried and served on a sesame seed bun)...The POSSUM proclaimed his marsupial neutrality, volunteering to testify (or TESTE-fry) to the Chicken having raised the eggspectations of both Reg's, and then refusing to shell out...but the case has been THROWN OUT due to a hung jury- which may have only been a rumor although the Forewoman had a Hell of a pair of KNOCKERS on her..."

WHAT in GOD's NAME am I DOING??!! It's F*CKING 2:45 AM and I still have to clean all the DRIED-UP CHILI some thoughtless bastard..ummm...OK IT WAS ME!...left in the damn MICROWAVE, and I sit here making up GODDAM CHICKEN STORIES!...KEEE-RIST!


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 09:57 PM

LMAOWROTF----Just had to get "the boys" involved here didn't you? Well, chicken is a big deal with them so......thanks Leej!

It's 2:45??? Where the hell did you get your watch? Radio Shack?

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Jeri
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 10:11 PM

'Spaw, that was still you talking.


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 10:21 PM

Yeah, I know Jeri.....but I had to get in the Radio Shack crappy joke, ya know? Did a helluva' job didn't he? Thought I "WAS" reading my own shit.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Dave Swan
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 10:40 PM

'spaw,

I stand in slack jawed admiration of your genius. I hope that whatever's broke up there don't get fixed. E.S.


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Jeri
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 10:43 PM

No, 'Spaw - that was YOU talking. You can't fool me for a minute with that fake "Lonesome EJ" in the "From" thingie!

I've been LMAO all day, every time I check this thread. (Yours is a classic.)


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Sep 99 - 10:47 PM

Just goes to show how well we get to know each other.....Honest Jeri, I couldn't have done "ME" that well!!! Leej is indeed the author and I just sent him a note saying again how good I thought it was.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 12:20 AM

I guess this must be an example of "thread creep," but, yes, Bob, "Chicken Road" IS on Jonathan Eberhart's album (now a custom cassette). Makes you sick, don't it, when "blatant commercialism" rears its ugly head in the midst of a serious folk discussion such as this one has been.

'SPaw: you're a fockin' genius!

Billy Gates


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Big Mick
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 01:12 AM

You are a sick sumbitch, 'Spaw. I like that in a man. I am laughing so hard that the Mrs. got up to see if I am OK..........You need to take up crafts or something...........Shit, but that was funny. But you need to watch your backside. The FAIR ONE is going to hunt you with a griddle.............That was an absolute classic..........HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Escamillo
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 02:02 AM

Small contribution: CARLOS MENEM (Argentine President) :
Deah chiken croses deah rod becos undah my presidence dere IS a rod to cros.

Andrés Magré (please tell me when a thread on Presidential jokes is opened)


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: MudGuard
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 02:04 AM

Bert,

the <strike>, <s> and <u> tags are, according to my HTML reference (German only, but click here to see it anyway), obsolete. They should not be used anymore as there is the "text decoration" in the style sheets now.

That might be the reason that Netscape does not support them.

MudGuard


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 04:37 AM

H P Lovecraft: To escape from the nameless eldritch horror that slithered behind the walls every night ...

Andy Williams: There is no other side - not now, not ever, never!

Jack the ripper: Dear Boss, I enclose a chickem leg. T'other one I fried and ate. It was delicious.

Tommy Cooper: Chicken - road; road - chicken. Just like that!

Alfred, Lord Tennyson: Pass, pass, pass across thy cold, grey road, O fowl ...

Ogden Nash 'Pass, pass, pass across thy cold, grey road, O fowl', wrote the poet, And the fowl obligingly passed, passed, passed; Which, seeing as the poet was Alfred, Lord Tennyson, was no surprise, Whereas if it had been me, I would probably have breathed my last.

Sir Isaac Newton: A chicken will continue at rest or to move in a straight line until acted upon by a force.

Stephen Hawking: When we know that, we will know the mind of God.


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 06:35 AM

'Spaw,

You have nailed me to the chicken coop wall. Brilliant.

Big RiB


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Jeri
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 09:13 AM

EDWARD LEAR:
There once was a chicken from Boston
Who decided to roam and got lost on
The far side of the track
And she never came back
That adventuresome chicken from Boston

(Did she ever return, no she never returned...)


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Bert
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 09:53 AM

Thanks MudGuard
> Is this any better?


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Bert
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 09:53 AM

Still looks silly in Netscape.


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Peter T.
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 10:49 AM

Andres -- shouldn't that be:
CARLOS MENEM: There is no other chicken, and no other road. Anyone who says he is the chicken is not to be supported. Anyone else who becomes chicken will not be chicken long.
yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 11:30 AM

We had some chickens, no roads would they cross
We had some chickens, no roads would they cross
My wife said,"honey, it shore is funny
It's warm and sunny, why won't they cross?"

One day a possum came into our yard
And caught those chickens right off their guard
THEY'RE CROSSIN' LANES NOW,! (and so's the rooster!)
Ever since that possum came into our yard.

(I tried to stop...honest...but my fingers demanded I type that!....for 5 whole minutes I had NO control! Evil spirits are about!)


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Easy Rider
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 12:37 PM

STEFAN GROSSMAN:

Don't ask WHY. Just study every nuance of the original recording, so you can cross the road EXACTLY in the style of the chicken.

DAVE VAN RONK::

I woke up this mornin', good chicken on my mind. (3x) She's a good little chicken. Hate to fry her behind.

MISSISSIPPI JOHN HURT:

Ms Collins wept. Ms Collins moaned. To see her best chicken leaving home. angels fried her in lard.

REV. GARY DAVIS:

O' Glory! How happy I am.
O' Glory! How happy I am.
The Chicken made it to the Promised Land
Glory Halelu


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Allan C.
Date: 10 Sep 99 - 12:46 PM

This thread is continued here


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Penny S.
Date: 13 Sep 99 - 03:59 PM

Friends, you have given me a great gift. I had debated asking if any of you knew any songs relevant to straightening out roads or pathways, because of some disagreements with a local mall over their pedestrian route which "is safest because it keeps pedestrians away from traffic" but actually crosses more roads, and goes a long way out of the way. I wanted something funny to do to draw attention to their unreasonable setup, and those chickens certainly could do that.

Why did the chicken cross the road; because that was what the traffic engineer made it do?

Penny


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Peter T.
Date: 13 Sep 99 - 04:46 PM

A friend of mine in Toronto gives a hilarious slide lecture called "Walking to the Ministry of Transportation and Communication". To get from the Ministry to anywhere you have to use your car. If you try and walk you have to cross 10 lanes of traffic (our highway 401), and if you don't want to do that, it is a complete unholy mess. She has these great slides of herself on foot, on a bicycle, etc., trying to get a cup of coffee, meeting friends, shopping in the area. Traffic islands, underpasses, whizzing trucks -- the whole catastrophe.
yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Penny S.
Date: 13 Sep 99 - 04:54 PM

I ahve a friend who says its like that in Phoenix. But that isn't planned for pedestrians, is it? This bunch parrot about the safest route, and that we have been given a footpath which is safe, as if we should be grateful, totally disregarding the very basic psychology of wanting to follow a direct route. What now worries me is that by building fences to prevent people following a route at least as safe as theirs, people are now taking dangerous risks, pushing pushchairs across several lanes, leaping fences adjacent to traffic, walking along the roads and so on, determined to follow their choice. Bert's Mobius path best approximates the official route! I have a plan to win by ridicule.

Penny


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: teller
Date: 13 Sep 99 - 07:09 PM

" so much depends upon a red wheelbarrow, glazed with rainwater, beside the white chickens." ( I believe that THIS is the answer to that age-old question....and William Carlos Williams obviously agrees!!!Teller


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From:
Date: 14 Sep 99 - 02:48 AM

Why did the chicken cross the road? 1: That X was all he could learn how to write. 2: Because it was there. 3: The cute chicks were all on the other side (Everything worthwhile is always where you aren't, even dumb chickens know that much).


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: GUEST,pitb@bellsouth.net
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 12:10 AM

What iam i doin here? (spoken in a real southern voice, coupled with that look....like who just peed on my leg)


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 09:27 AM

To get to the other side????


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 10:51 AM

I have no idea how I missed this thread the first time through.

This is a feckin' classic. 'Spaw at his aboslute best, the Dylan stuff. Wow.

So my six year old nephew you told me this one.

Why did the duck cross the road?

Because it was the chickens day off.


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 11:13 AM

Theirs was not to question why
Theirs was but to do and die


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 12:03 PM

DOUGR: Well that's one person's interpretation of the chicken's perapatetic activity. I fully believe the chicken never did cross the road, but everybody has to decide for himself and I'll be damned if I'll point you to any websites that speak to the issue; look it up yourself.

MATT_R: I don't have time to think about chickens crossing the road. Hell, I've got a final in photographic navel-gazing in three days and I have to take photos of manhole covers and lobotomy scars, not chickens crossing roads. But here's the words to an Oasis song about chickens crossing roads: [snip]

PRAISE: Glory to Jesus for road-crossing chickens! My husband, Hardi, can't find time to post here, but he recently preached a sermon about chickens. If anybody wants to talk to me about chickens, PM me or email me at motormice@hotmail.com.

GUEST: You f***ing idiots! You think you're so f***ing smart because you can speculate about stupid chickens. I used to have an account here but all this f****ing sh*t about stupid chickens made me delete it. F*** off, all of you!

HARPGIRL: I never want to see a thread about chickens here again. This is my opinion and my meta-statement.

MOUSETHIEF: Here's a song I just wrote about chickens to a non-folk tune you all probably know, aren't I clever?

---------------

Alex
O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Matt_R
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 12:12 PM

Whoa! I don't know what to say!


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 12:29 PM

"From: Matt_R Date: 02-Nov-00 - 12:12 PM

Whoa! I don't know what to say!"

Good grief!


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Matt_R
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 12:44 PM

Not sure what the dilly-yo is wit the lobotomy scars! Don't think I've ever mentioned lobotomy scars!


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 12:47 PM

That's called artistic license, son.

Alex
O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Matt_R
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 12:53 PM

KENDALL: I once lent my chicken to Stan Rogers, but he made some smartasse crack about it resembling my date that night. I wanted to punch him, but I had was doing a recording of Mrs.Ravoon the next day for Folk Legacy.


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 12:53 PM

RICK FIELDING: Okay, mudcatters, here's four trivia questions about chickens crossing roads. I'll post the answers this afternoon.

1. Which "hillbilly" artist first recorded the song about the chicken crossing the road?

2. Who sold the most copies of a recording of "Road Crossing Blues" before 1972?

3. On what album was Dylan's "Talking Chicken Blues"?

4. Which mudcatter wrote "The Chicken Crossed The Road"?

-----

Alex
O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Matt_R
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 01:11 PM

BOBJR: i think this is a stupid thread it doesnt make sense when I come here I like music threads not threads about chikens besides chickens are lame except canadian chickens canadian chickens are the best by the way chickens are rank.

BRENDY: What's with this f***ing wanker? Get your ass off the road, you little chicken-shite! F***in' A!

SPAW: Whoa, ok people..........See this? BRAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWPPPPPPPPHHHH? Or rather smell this? It smells better than chickens, believe me..........especially the ones CLETUS had. Gave a fockin' whole new meaning to 'peckers'.

SINSULL: CHICKENS ARE MORE TROUBLE THAN THEY ARE WORTH! ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE TRYING TO LEARN AUTO HARP AND THE CATS WON'T STOP CHASING THEM! Damn capslock!


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 02:07 PM

No fair! No fair!

I can't figure out how to do mousethief yet!

But I can see he can ALMOST do me!

Close!! Very close!! LOL!!!!

Left this out though dear, so wear it for me all day:

} : ~ *> )

I would NEVER say "Glory to Jesus" either, except in a stand-up impression, and I don't do them here usually-- hafta phone me fer that!! (Yeah, there is a level beyond motormice!) Hmmmm... what WOULD I say.... um, half what you said, ALex, and the other half about the chickensh*t piling up and how to remove it with God's help....!

Made my day. Thanks!

~S~


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 02:36 PM

I'm hurt!!! Nobody's parodied me! It must be my colorless personality. Bummer!

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 08:47 PM

why'd the cactus cross the road?

stuck to the chicken


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Matt_R
Date: 02 Nov 00 - 09:04 PM

DAVEO: Doodle dy, doodle dee...the pretty little hen-catcher's daughter...


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 08:41 PM

Thanx, Matt. Now I feel better.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: Secret of Life is to ask Questions
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Nov 00 - 08:58 PM

ME1: The chicken was hopeful that the sky wasn't falling over there.

ME2: That where the cock was, and she needed some egg fertilizer.


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