BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp

Subject: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 02:24 PM

Okay, I figgered it's time I helped you humans rise up out of yer ignorance so's you can evolve to a higher level, learn how to act proper, and make somethin' decent outta yer lives.

I am gonna share the fruits of my wisdom and my long experience with you, startin' today. I will drop a few pearls of advice each day as to how you bozos can better yer lives...maybe even advance to the level of an ape or a monkey.

Ya ready? Okay. Here's the first pearl I am droppin'. Listen closely.

An interpersonal communication problem can always be solved by a carefully balanced combination of verbal persuasion and violence.

Write that down, okay? Then meditate on it.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 02:33 PM

kind like a banana and a stick?

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: gnu
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 02:39 PM

Stick a banana... ?

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 02:41 PM

You got it, Sandy. A banana and a stick. Exactly. You are progressin' very well.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 02:43 PM

""Peel me a nanner,
toss me a peanut,
I'll come swinging from a coconut tree
Peel me a nanner,
toss me a peanut,
you sure made a monkey out of me""

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 02:46 PM

Yup, that's a dropping all right.

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 02:46 PM

See...if ya stop to think about it, that is exactly how the USA conducts its important business with other nations. A banana and a stick. You need them kinda advanced strategies in place when yer runnin' somethin' as complicated as the USA.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,999
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 02:52 PM

Looks like the south side of Chicago ain't the toughest part of town no more.

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 03:04 PM

On the south side
Of Chicago
In the baddest part of town
If you go down there
You better just beware
Of a chimp called Chongo Clown.

CHORUS
Sad, sad Chongo Clown
Dumbest chimp in the whole damn town
Dumber than a washed-up log
Uglier than a road-killed dog.

He got a red two-wheeled scooter
He got a ringy-bell on it too
He got some bubblegum
In his pocket for fun
And he don't never wear no shoes.

CHORUS

Friday, bout a week ago
The Clown he's shootin' dice
And at the end of the bar
Sat an ape named Alice
An' mmmmm that ape looked nice.

CHORUS

Chongo, he put the moves on
Tried to get her up against a wall
He didn't get to no base
'Cause she laughed in his face
And kicked him in the balls.

CHORUS

Then her boyfriend stomped on Chongo
'Til he was a pile of slush
Blood and gore
All around the floor
'Cause his brains had long been mush.

CHORUS

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Bobert
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 03:20 PM

Not too much banana in that one, Rap...

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Ed T
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 03:26 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2j6JdYPsbs

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 03:30 PM

Okay, folks, here is another bit of sage advice fer the masses.

When yer in the business of teachin' wisdom, yer light will shine bright. And we all know what happens with a bright light, don't we? It attracts moths and other pests. The bright light of a wisdom teacher tends ta draw them moths outta the dark places they live in, and they come flyin' around to toss ridicule and to disparage them what are smarter than they are.

But a wisdom teacher has gotta stay cool in the presence of these vermin. It wouldn't do to lose one's temper, and just start flailin' around wildly. Oh, no. Cos a wisdom teacher don't get mad. He gets even. That's why I always carry a .45 cal. can of moth repellant around with me and keep it loaded.

Capiche?

So that's yer bit of wisdom right there: Don't get mad. Get even. And always carry a loaded gun.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 03:36 PM

Fuck off monkey dick.......

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,Chong Chimp
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 03:41 PM

Another thing the wise do is they find ways to rise above the static from negative types like the friggin' jerkoff jadrool who just posted at 3:36 PM. I blow off them types like I was flickin' a bit of street dust off my jacket lapels.

So yer bit of wisdom on that is:

Always practice the principle of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 04:37 PM

Okay, that oughta do it for today. Study them 3 pearls of wisdom that I put in the bold type. Work on gettin' 'em down. I will return when yer ready for more.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 07:16 PM

Another pearl of wisdom, courtesy of small dogs named Toto.

"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain."

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 07:59 PM

I never have.

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 08:09 PM

Wisdom from Chongo is a simpleton's example of an oxymoron. Or mebbe a chimpy-moron.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 08:11 PM

Envy is such an ignoble emotion... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 11 - 08:43 PM

THIS!!! is wisdom, not the droolings and ravings of some Tarzan lickspittle! (Turn on your speakers.)

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 12:13 AM

Wow! What fantastic visuals. The Japanese really have an aesthetic sense all their own.

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Donuel
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 12:38 AM

Is LH his handler or his teacher?

Here is an AMerican TEACHER http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/don/cuteacher.jpg

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 06:45 AM

"I blow off them types"

Yeah, no shit!........You be da' supreme blow-boy in the joint and I am happy to see you know that! So blow this fur nuts..........


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: gnu
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 07:54 AM

LH... took a lot a beers to dream up that commercial.

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 10:29 AM

Did you know that the word "Chongo" means "Drooling one-who-does-not-know-their-father-because-their-mother-was-so-promiscuous"? "Chon" is the long part and "-go" is the adjective for "drooling".

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 11:20 AM

Okay, here we go with another brand new day. Ook! Ook! I love lookin' out the window at the city in the mornin' and seein' all the people and cars goin' by. I love the smell of the city in the mornin'. It smells like....opportunity.

So here's a pearl of wisdom fer Thursday mornin'.

Suppose you owe someone money. For the rent maybe. NEVER pay on time! Cos if you do, they will number one think yer a soft touch and number two they will take you for granted. Pay at least a week late. 2 or 3 weeks late is better. Let 'em know that your time is more important than theirs. When you finally do pay, do it in grand style, like you had the money all along and you wasn't the least bit worried about it. Smile as you hand it over. That keeps 'em guessin' and they won't get the idea that you are just some bum they can push around, see?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 11:35 AM

Like anyone would want your money...............Perhaps if you wouldn't wipe your ass with it and then lick it clean but.............Best if you just get it for free whatever it is.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 07:45 PM

Funny, I keep hearin' these strange noises from the peanut gallery. Sounds like someone ate somethin' that didn't agree with him and is havin' a serious digestive problem. Waugh! That sounds real ugly. Doesn't smell too good either. Peee-YOOO!!! I think it's time to move upwind.

Okay. Women. Another worthy subject. There ain't a day goes by that I don't find my mind dwellin' on women. Back in the day, we used to call 'em "dames", but that term has gone outta style. Too bad.

Anyways, whether you call 'em women...or dames...you gotta treat 'em right. If you don't, everything goes to shit real fast. Trust me. You gotta remember their names, and their birthdays, anniversaries, all that kinda stuff, and you gotta send 'em flowers and candy now and then when somethin' like that comes along. Always be courteous and chivalrous. Open doors, get her coat, pour her a drink, tip yer hat, that sorta thing.

But there is one absolutely vital thing, no matter what the situation is if it involves a dame. You gotta make her think it's her idea! If you succeed in that, you can count on things to go pretty smooth. If she thinks it ain't her idea...faggedaboudit! They're real stubborn, see? And they got expectations. It's up to you to fill them expectations as best you can.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 07:59 PM

How droll. ;-) Wisdom from a talking ape! That's something one doesn't hear about every day. I am simply on tenterhooks here waiting for the next revelation to fall from your lips, Chongo. What will it be? Gardening tips? Advice on how to land an appointment to the Queen's Privy Council? How to best groom your hairy bandmates while planning the next Greystoke-inspired raid on the Native settlements? Oh dear. The suspense! I simply cannot wait!

* PR

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 08:12 PM

Ai, qu' il est bete!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 08:21 PM

Vous devez parler avec une plus grande clarté, monsieur! Veuillez ne pas nuire à la langue française!

* PR

p.s. But, yes, I believe I get your drift.

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 08:49 PM

Ah, now we have fatuous criticizing the fathead! Drollery continues unabated.

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 09:04 PM

Yes, he can be a bit fatuous at times, Rapparee. But don't be too hard on Amos. He is at least attempting to improve himself, rather than wallowing around in a pit of loud and grandiose male puffery, as some around here are wont to do, imagining themselves to be something resembling the modern incarnation of Blackbeard the Pirate crossed with John L. Sullivan and Jesse James...

* PR

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Bill D
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 10:53 PM

chimp wisdom

chimp hype

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 11 - 11:35 PM

Then there's Chongo, chimp chump.

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 12:10 AM

When he writes a book I'll take a look.

I am currently writing guidline books, they are quick and easy.
Guidlines to assault the Nuclear Industry for their assault on you and the Earth

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 24 Aug 13 - 09:54 AM

Ook! Ook!

What a great thread this was. I figgered why not refresh it?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Aug 13 - 10:06 AM

I'd like to introduce the last post as "Exhibit #237" that Chongz ain't got the wisdom of a box of animal crackers...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 13 - 10:13 AM

It should really have been titled "The Wit and Wisdom of Chongo Chimp".

Subject: RE: BS: The Wisdom of Chongo Chimp
From: Bobert
Date: 24 Aug 13 - 05:22 PM

Wouldn't much matter, LH... Chongz ain't got either...

B~