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BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!

Little Hawk 01 Apr 11 - 01:05 PM
Georgiansilver 01 Apr 11 - 01:13 PM
Joe Offer 01 Apr 11 - 01:15 PM
Jeri 01 Apr 11 - 01:18 PM
Amos 01 Apr 11 - 01:22 PM
frogprince 01 Apr 11 - 01:23 PM
Ebbie 01 Apr 11 - 01:29 PM
Lizzie Cornish 1 01 Apr 11 - 01:54 PM
gnu 01 Apr 11 - 01:59 PM
GUEST,leeneia 01 Apr 11 - 02:06 PM
olddude 01 Apr 11 - 02:07 PM
MGM·Lion 01 Apr 11 - 02:28 PM
Becca72 01 Apr 11 - 02:57 PM
gnu 01 Apr 11 - 03:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Apr 11 - 03:17 PM
GUEST,999 01 Apr 11 - 03:18 PM
GUEST 01 Apr 11 - 03:41 PM
GUEST,999 01 Apr 11 - 03:48 PM
Charley Noble 01 Apr 11 - 03:50 PM
gnu 01 Apr 11 - 03:52 PM
Little Hawk 01 Apr 11 - 03:52 PM
GUEST,999 01 Apr 11 - 04:00 PM
Little Hawk 01 Apr 11 - 04:14 PM
GUEST,999 01 Apr 11 - 04:18 PM
Doug Chadwick 01 Apr 11 - 05:00 PM
Bobert 01 Apr 11 - 05:07 PM
Gurney 01 Apr 11 - 05:09 PM
gnu 01 Apr 11 - 05:12 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 11 - 05:39 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 01 Apr 11 - 05:51 PM
gnu 01 Apr 11 - 06:02 PM
Bobert 01 Apr 11 - 06:03 PM
Ebbie 01 Apr 11 - 06:21 PM
Ed T 01 Apr 11 - 06:22 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 01 Apr 11 - 07:02 PM
Little Hawk 01 Apr 11 - 07:08 PM
Smokey. 01 Apr 11 - 08:52 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 11 - 09:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Apr 11 - 09:23 PM
JohnInKansas 01 Apr 11 - 09:36 PM
Bobert 01 Apr 11 - 09:52 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 11 - 10:04 PM
Smokey. 01 Apr 11 - 10:08 PM
J-boy 01 Apr 11 - 11:50 PM
GUEST,leeneia 02 Apr 11 - 12:47 AM
VirginiaTam 02 Apr 11 - 03:57 AM
GUEST,Alan Whittle 02 Apr 11 - 04:22 AM
Sandy Mc Lean 02 Apr 11 - 11:01 AM
Donuel 02 Apr 11 - 12:58 PM
Little Hawk 02 Apr 11 - 01:08 PM
Donuel 02 Apr 11 - 01:20 PM
GUEST,Don McBride 02 Apr 11 - 01:27 PM
Donuel 02 Apr 11 - 01:33 PM
GUEST,Officer Jennifer Dana, OPP 02 Apr 11 - 03:28 PM
gnu 02 Apr 11 - 03:43 PM
GUEST,Officer Jennifer Dana, OPP 02 Apr 11 - 04:12 PM
Bobert 02 Apr 11 - 05:39 PM
gnu 02 Apr 11 - 07:09 PM
Amos 02 Apr 11 - 09:54 PM
Bill D 02 Apr 11 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 11 - 11:03 PM
Roger the Skiffler 03 Apr 11 - 03:42 AM
The Fooles Troupe 03 Apr 11 - 04:29 AM
Rapparee 03 Apr 11 - 11:08 PM
Sandy Mc Lean 03 Apr 11 - 11:50 PM
Little Hawk 03 Apr 11 - 11:57 PM

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Subject: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 01:05 PM

Okay, time to turn over a new leaf here and get serious.

No more Chongo Chimp stuff. No more Penelope Rutledge. No more Shane McBride.

No more imaginary stuff about romancing Winona Ryder or lionizing William Shatner. No more WSSBA.

No more lurid tales about incredible things my Dachshund has supposedly done.

No more breathless reports from Hector Ballsworthy about lizard people in high places in the British peerage, and no more primitive tirades from Olive Whatnoll.

Nope, it's time for Little Hawk to leave all that fantastic stuff behind him and become a serious folkie and a cultured liberal intellectual who only talks about serious and socially relevant matters of great import. I plan to model my behaviour on that of Ron Davies, buckle right down, and get totally serious about all the things that really matter. Gay marriage rights, for instance, will become a priority of mine from here on in.

I also intend to leave all speculative talk about spiritual matters, UFOs, the New World Order, and suchlike mysterious stuff behind me by modeling myself on Bill D and becoming the apotheosis of calm, sober rationality and scientific reason, backed up by FACTS, ladies and gentlemen! FACTS!!! I shall present reams of compelling statistical evidence to back up my every claim, and link to authoritative sources.

And it all starts today! Yessiree.

So.....

What are we gonna talk about now? ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 01:13 PM

One mans fact is another mans fiction!! and vice-versa...... have fun! LOL


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 01:15 PM

So, Hawk, since you're talking about the New World Order does that mean you're turning into an Old Person and living your life through talk radio programs? My mother-in-in-law, age 96, is sure the New World Order is already here, what with that president guy that was born in Kenya....


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Jeri
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 01:18 PM

Happy April 1st, LH!


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 01:22 PM

I seen some April Fools in my time but, I swan....

(Well, not really, I don't. But I know somneone who does...).


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: frogprince
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 01:23 PM

L.H., have you caught the thread that Bill D just started to let us know that he has been born again, and is now a member of the Regular Baptist Convention headquartered in Texas?


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 01:29 PM

"little Hawk ceases all fantasies"

What a fantasy.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 01:54 PM

I'm glad you're just jokin', George..Heck, where would we all be without Chongo!?   :0)


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 01:59 PM

Shot yerself in the foot there LH. April Fool's ruses cease at noon. You sir, are bound by your word.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 02:06 PM

Say it isn't so, Little Hawk!

I like you the way you are.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: olddude
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 02:07 PM

NO !! say it ain't so LH .... it would be the end of life as we know it


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 02:28 PM

Yes, indeed, Lizzie. Why, we must all remember that Chongo is mentioned in folksong ~~

"O Who will shoe your pretty little foot?
And who will glove your hand?
And who will tie your middle, Chimp,
With a green and velvet band...?"

~Michael~


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Becca72
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 02:57 PM

I was wondering what happened there, Gnu... You feelin' aight?


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 03:05 PM

I am as aight as I have ever been. As near as I know in my present aight.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 03:17 PM

Please don't merely abandon your fantasies, Little Hawk! Find good homes for them. I'll take Veronica Rutledge.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 03:18 PM

Dibs on his blow-up dolls.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 03:41 PM

Party favours, 999?


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 03:48 PM

Uh, well, uh, SURE!


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Charley Noble
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 03:50 PM

Say it isn't so!

What would this world be without a berserk chimp, or other rodent?

Many a banal thread about the evils of imperialism, laissez faire capitalism, or laid back Marxism would die on the vine.

Actually, that wouldn't be so bad...

But I'll take your pledge and raise you one nuclear plant complex in Japan that has blown its head gaskets and shit its bed.

Have a nice day!

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 03:52 PM

Who is the head gasket anyway?


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 03:52 PM

LOL! You would find Veronica Rutledge perhaps more trouble than you wish to take on, Bee-dubya-ell.

999 - I would be hard pressed to part with the Hillary Clinton blow-up doll. I had to pay in blood for that one. It's one of a kind, you know. The Maggie Thatcher one, on the other hand...you can have it, I guess. For some reason the thrill is gone. Same goes for the Golda Meir and the Rosie O'Donnel ones, cos they're well past their prime.

I have already received a complaint from the Dachshund. He relishes the fame he has gained from my lurid tales about him. He insists that I continue telling outrageous lies about him, lies that will add to his glory and renown. He threatens to pee on the carpets if I do not cooperate, and that is no idle threat.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 04:00 PM

I have to admit you had me for about 15 seconds. What ran through my head was a jumble of thoughts that went something like `he can`t just ditch the ape, the drunk guys in Blind River, the Shatner threads, the humour he`s added to this place, goddamed sonuvab--and then the date struck me. Next year I am gonna get ya back. Take me a year to think up something good, but you just wait, mister.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 04:14 PM

999 - Righto. I have a year to prepare for that.

Joe Offer - Well, I sort of agree with your Mother-in-Law that the New World Order is already here...although it's not fully established itself yet. It's just well on the way, that's all. Sort of like the 1000-year Reich in 1938 or '39... ;-) I don't think it will succeed any more than the 1000-year Reich did, but things could get pretty sticky while it's trying to.

I never listen to talk radio, though...and Chongo was not born in Kenya. He was born considerably to the west of Kenya, over toward the west central coast of Africa. Nice of you to speak of him as "that president guy", though, as it indicates you are taking his candidacy seriously.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST,999
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 04:18 PM

Run the ape in Canada. He`d be a step up from the guy we have now.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 05:00 PM

Oh, that it were true ..... sigh!


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 05:07 PM

Great!!!

That monkey was really gettin' on my nerves...

See ya, Chongz... Don't let the door hit yer monkey butt on the way out...

Oh, happy days...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Gurney
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 05:09 PM

The last line of the original post tells it all.   What ARE we going to talk about now.

Something boring, I suppose. Folk Music?


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 05:12 PM

So... a simple ruse after the appointed hour? You know this bodes at least a year of bad luck eh? Tsk tsk.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 05:39 PM

And I offer him nothing upon which to model himself!

Oh, the Slough of Despond! Oh, the Slough of Despair! I fear I shall have to Throw Myself Off The Bridge and risk sinking in mud up to my ankles!


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 05:51 PM

There been some April rumors goin' around about my demise. There ain't no truth to none of 'em. Some people say I don't exist. They couldn't be any wronger. Bobert is already celebratin' my departure. He is a witless fool and headin' for a big comeuppance. You people have not seen the last of Chongo Chimp, not by a long shot. I don't friggin' depend upon anyone else for MY existence! I take care of business and I get the job done. All by myself. Anyone who don't think so is just a hopeless fool.

This is April now, see? April is a good month. You got flowers comin' up, you got birdies singin', you got young chimps whose minds are turnin' to thoughts of love. Don't spoil it by spreadin' no false rumors around, okay?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 06:02 PM

Flowers comin up? The single crocus that dared to raise it's petals in Mum's front flower bed (next to the foundation) is at this very moment being pounded by wind and snow. The birdies can't sing because their beaks are chattering with cold. The young chimps are... ahh, we don't got no stinkin chimps. False hope is your forte on this foolish day.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 06:03 PM

..."thoughts of love", Chongz??? Yeah, there another April Fool's joke... Only think you love is playing with yer AK47 and crapping on the floor... Oh yeah, an bananas... Who cares about bananas, anyway??? They are disgusting...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 06:21 PM

Hmmmm. How come Chongo sounds like Shane?


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Ed T
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 06:22 PM

New, improved, LH fantasies:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/25108657/dachshund-in-a-yellow-polka-dot-bikini

http://www.fibers.com/shop/design/dachshund-mom.D693/women's-bikini-thong.P114

http://snoopa.deviantart.com/art/Sexy-Dachshund-77276036

http://www.imagekind.com/Dachshund--Swami-Sri-Sexy-Feet_art?IMID=2b8ebeb6-c660-439e-82b6-1b0b4eb5bc26


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 07:02 PM

I don't sound anything like that friggin' moron. Anyways, he can't spell and he says "flippin'" all the time and I don't. You didn't pick up on that? You must be pretty slow for a human.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 07:08 PM

Hmm. Well, the chimp is definitely out of the bag, and there's nothing I can do about it. I thought this might happen.

Ed, those are simply glorious Dachshund fantasies! How can I thank you?


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Smokey.
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 08:52 PM

DACHSHUNDS WITH ERECTIONS CAN'T CLIMB STAIRS
by
Les Barker



Each night she's on the balcony
He loves her from afar
His soft, sad eyes are hypnotised
She shines down like a star.
His heart will break forever
His kind can't have affairs
For Dachshunds with erections...
Can't climb stairs.

His home's a humble bungalow
And her's a penthouse flat
He cannot go where she can go
And that, they say. is that.
He never can be near her
Although she knows he cares
For Dachshunds with erections...
Can't climb stairs.

You want to win a woman?
Just be cool... be aloof
The dog who doesn't hit the stairs
Can make it to the roof.
The dog who doesn't care
Will be the dog who wins the day
You'll never get to heaven...
With your chopper in the way.

The spirit soars, the body falls
And heavy lies the heart
That cries out with the pain of love
Be still my broken part.
How painful is the passion
And painful the repairs
For Dachshunds with erections
Can't climb stairs.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 09:15 PM

Ah, but have all fantasies ceased LH? For all we know, LH is himself a fantasy of, oh, Amos or somebody.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 09:23 PM

You would find Veronica Rutledge perhaps more trouble than you wish to take on, Bee-dubya-ell.

That's what the whips, chains, and that extra-large dog cage over in the corner are for, Little Hawk.

(Hey, if I'm going to take one of your fantasies off your hands, it's only approriate that she become one of my fantasies. Right?)


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 09:36 PM

Somewhere up above I saw Dibs on his blow-up dolls.

Are we sure that LH considers them part of his (former?) phantasy life.

From what someone said (perhaps even Chongo) that's generally believed to be his closest approach to a real interpersonal relationship.

I believe a common understanding is that the reality of the deranged is just as real as anyone's reality, but just a different reality than the rest of us see. The only phantasies that should be taken from him are those that he understands are phantasies.

Arbitrarily attempting to force him to accept a reality that isn't "real" to him could turn him into a babbling idiot speaking only nonsense and fomenting discord and dissension with no hope of ever being acceptable in any normal society.

Radical pronouncements similar to his opening "promise" a sometimes indicative of an intent to adopt the lifestyle and mannerisms of a cult, or sometimes even a criminally inclined "gang."

Has anyone observed unusual numbers of motorcycles in his vicinity, and has he shaved his head as yet, and does he have any (new?) tatoos?

Obviously an "intervention" is needed; but we must wait for the further evolution of this personality change before we can safely choose the most effective form and make proper choice of the participants we charge with beating the crap out of him until he comes to his senses.

John


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Bobert
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 09:52 PM

Or he could just smoke a joint an chill???

Less violent...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 10:04 PM

If my theory is correct, Little Hawk is a fantasy of either Penelope Rutledge or Shame McBride, possibly both: they might well be two "pesonalities" of Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Smokey.
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 10:08 PM

Rumours on the stock market are predicting a slump in the price of bandwidth and the imminent closure of http://www.goats-and-grannies.com was announced earlier today. "We are somewhat crestfallen", said a spokesman.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: J-boy
Date: 01 Apr 11 - 11:50 PM

Come clean LH. You ARE WILLIAM SHATNER,aren't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 12:47 AM

We'll know LH was serious about this if he shows up on the (shudder) decluttering thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 03:57 AM

I knew from the title it was a leg pull in honour of April Fools. You can't just turn off your imagination like that.

You have been fortunate that your multiple personalities have been made (ahem) so welcome here. Indeed some catters have become dependent upon them for a laugh or the opportunity to put up the dukes.

So here's to Little Hawk's mudcat schizophrenia. Long may it reign.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST,Alan Whittle
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 04:22 AM

Too cruel....! You don't want me anymore in the crotchless panties, or the French knickers....!

That's the last time I PLAY THE TART FOR YOU!

Unappreciated....!


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 11:01 AM

This second day of April brings some sober second thought except for Shane. He's still celebrating April Fools and he ain't sober yet!


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Subject: burn books, something I never thought I'd say
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 12:58 PM

I propose we all get international attention for BOOK BURNING.

Instead of blindly following the cycle of hateful rage and revenge we should only sacrifice books, in the war of intolerence vs freedom and liberty.

Advance'liberte' et freedom, incidie livre, la feu et fou de livre

We will intervene for the world whenever any KOOK with strange facial hair who burns a Koran. We will avenge the burned book exponentially. IF the grand pobah deacon of the church of Christ's Revenge burns a Koran we WILL respond with a video of us burning 10 bibles for one Koran.

No more people need be killed, we will avenge any book burned tens times over!

If someone burns a New Age self help book, we will burn 10 Home Depot how to books.

If someone burns an old testament we will burn 10 Playboy magazines. etc


SAVE LIVES, BURN BOOKS

We can advance to flash drive burning as things het up...

If things escalate further we can simply put the entire contents of the Library of COngress and other iibraries on one hard disk and then wipe the disk.

As long as someone remembers to keep a back up.


Now this is not nearly as strange or wierd as any of the events we have seen this month alone. But it is worth a try.

Now IF we agree we can allow LH to be our spokesperson when interviewed by CBC, CNN, NBC, however I would like that honor if FOX news seeks an interview.



Wolf Blitzer:
Mr. Little Hawk this is Wolf Blitzer, what do you hope to achieve by burning books 10 fold over in response to other people burning books?

"well Wolf, can I call you Fox?, We think a person's life is more important than any ink and the paper its written on. It is clear to us that 9 in ten people Know not what they do, just llok at you fox, you eldom sound like you know what you are doing, why you are doing it and for whom, excpet for your paycheck that is.

Wolf Blitzer:
BB...b I, I...This is WOLF Blitzer in ONew York, Back to you Tina Twiddeldeedum, in Iowa.

Thaaank you Wooolf,
All the Republican stars are here tonignt like a thpusand pooints of liiight. Satars like Sarah Paalin, and Donald Truump....

oops but I digressed into fantasy... or did I?



The International book burners Instead of Death "IBBID"
however is as real as we wish to make it!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 01:08 PM

This news just in, and it's sad. Shane got arrested yesterday for bank robbery. It seems, though, that it was only a botched April Fools joke on his part. He went to the bank in Massey, presented the teller with a note that read "This is a flippin' robbary! Hand over alls the flippin' cash that you got here, eh? Cos I need to buy some 649 lottary tickets and a case of beer, eh?" He then pulled out a pistol and started waving it around and yelling, "Everybody get down and don't flippin' move! This is a holdup, eh?" Much confusion followed, as it turned out that the local candidate for the Christian Heritage Party was lined up at one of the other tills, and he decided to put the Fear of the Lord into Shane.

I should digress for a moment and explain that the Christian Heritage Party is one of many tiny and inconsequential political parties in Canada who share the stage with the big 4 main parties, but whose existence has no real effect on the outcome. The Christian Heritage Party gets a lot less than 1 per cent of the vote here, but that doesn't stop them from trying, eh? ;-) They manage to field a candidate in most ridings. Their objective is to return society to the glory days of 1000 B.C. or something like that, but I don't think they will ever succeed in attaining that objective.

At any rate, their candidate in the Blind River and Massey area is Joseph Blunder, a retired welder. Joseph is 92 years old, but that doesn't mean he's a weakling. His faith in the Lord has made him strong.

Shane has long made fun of Joseph Blunder and the Christian Heritage Party. He refers to Blunder as "Bible Thumper", and he has written crude and obscene jokes about Blunder on the rear walls of local businesses around the area, including a paint-sprayed cartoon showing Blunder having sex with a moose.

Blunder knows quite well that Shane has no respect for him, for the Lord or for the Christian Heritage Party, and he resents it.

With the light of righteous fury burning madly in his eyes, the incensed novagenarian advanced on Shane, holding forth a cross in his shaking hand and shouting, "Get thee behind me, Imp of Satan!"

Shane's jaw dropped and he turned to face Joseph Blunder. "What the flip are you....? Look, man, this part ain't in the flippin' script, okay? And I ain't gettin' behind you neither. I ain't no flippin' priest, okay, and you ain't no alter boy. This is MY flippin' April Fools joke, not yourn. Back OFF!"

Blunder would not be persuaded. With a silver cross in one hand and a Bible in the other, he moved closer, declaiming in stentorian tones, "AND THE LORD WILL STRIKE DOWN THE VILE SINNER WITH HIS RIGHTEOUS WRATH! AND THE SINNER WILL HIDE BEHIND THE ROCKS, BUT THE LORD WILL TEAR THE ROCKS ASUNDER! AND THE SINNER WILL HIDE BENEATH THE SILENT WATERS, BUT THE LORD WILL PART THE SILENT WATERS WITH A WAVE OF HIS HAND!"

"Flip ME!" exclaimed Shane. "I don't flippin' need this crap today, man. Don't make me shoot!!!" He aimed the pistol vaguely in the general direction of Blunder. A woman screamed. Three cops burst in the door and yelled, "FREEZE!!!! DROP THE WEAPON!" Shane pressed the trigger...quite unintentionally...it was a mere frightened reflex action on his part...Blunder's eyes opened wide in shock....and the gun made a little "Toooot!" sound like one of those party things they blow at New Years, and a little flag came out the end of the barrel with "BANG!" written on it.

Shane grinned apologetically, spread his hands deprecatingly, looked around at everyone and said..."April Fools, eh? It's just a joke gun. See? See the 'Bang' flag? See?"

And then the three cops landed on him like the Cleveland linebackers.

Poor Shane. He meant no harm. But no one thought it was funny. Officer Walsh says he's lucky he didn't get shot. He will go up before the judge on Monday.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 01:20 PM

He meant no harm
no one thought it was funny

When the 10 bibles erupted in the red flames of charcol lighter fluid. No one seemed to nothice the propane tank nearby, or Spaw about to sit down and watch the show...


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 01:27 PM

What are YOU on, man?

Yeah, the little brother really flipped up majerly this time. It is not good. He coulda been shot. I cannot believe he would flippin' do somethin' this stupid.

Or maybe I can.

Anyways, it is not good.

- Don


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 01:33 PM

He was desperately sad deep inside his sick soul
What was it to be, death by cop, death by Koran burning, bible burning
or death by...wha the propane ta...
He couldn't decide when suddenly
BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM Bible pages filled the air so thick you could barely see Spaw launched high into the air and headed straight down at Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST,Officer Jennifer Dana, OPP
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 03:28 PM

Mr. McBride is being held without bond. So far he has done little but scream how unfair it was and some obscenities about Mr. Blunder. Otherwise, his health is good. He seems to have been taken aback by what has happened, especially by comments made by his cellmate, one Edward "Bully-Boy" Phillips, regarding "fresh meat."


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: gnu
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 03:43 PM

I am sure that Shane's lawyer, from the law firm of Pluckem, Phuckem and Chuckem will get Shane off one way or another.

BTW, Officer Dana, when you get off?


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: GUEST,Officer Jennifer Dana, OPP
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 04:12 PM

Dream on, buster.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Bobert
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 05:39 PM

Man, what a bummer... Just when he was kinda turnin' his life around and...

(Ahhhh, boberdz... We're talkin' Shane here...)

I'm sorry... I thought this was about someone else...

Yo, LH... You tell 'um that he has a right to a computer, okay??? Heck, they are Canadian cops... They won't know...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: gnu
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 07:09 PM

Bobert... "Canadian cops"? Maybe if it's the OPP. But if it's the Yella Stripes, well, they might bring in The Special Eds eh.


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 09:54 PM

Arbitrarily attempting to force him to accept a reality that isn't "real" to him could turn him into a babbling idiot speaking only nonsense

I think it's a bit late to worry about this issue now, John...


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 10:48 PM

♫ I had a friend named Ramblin' Bob
Who used to steal gamble and rob
He thought he was the smartest guy in town
But I found out last Monday
That Bob got locked up Sunday
They've got him in the jailhouse way down town
He's in the jailhouse now he's in the jailhouse now
I told him once or twice quit playin' cards and shootin' dice
He's in the jailhouse now...♫


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 11 - 11:03 PM

I was born in the town of Blind River,
A town you all know well
Raised up by honest parents
The truth to you I'll tell
Raised up by honest parents
Raised up most tenderly
Until I became a drunken lout
At the age of two or three.

My character was taken
By Sudbury sluts and beer
The people tried but all in vain
Their please I would not hear
I stole beer from my brother
And guzzled it all down
Then Don beat me black and blue
And told me "Swim or drown."

I jumped upon the eastbound train
One cold December day
And every station I would pass
This is what they would say:
"There goes that drunken Shame McBride
His liver's going fast,
He's got no teeth and no testicles
He lost them to the clap."

There was my older brother
A standing at the bar
Likewise the rest of Blind Riverites
Breathing cleaner air
They were breather cleaner air now
Since I from town was gone
"Thank God he's gone, he never bathed,
And his stench killed all the swans."


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 03 Apr 11 - 03:42 AM

...but what about Bob Dylan, LH?

RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 03 Apr 11 - 04:29 AM

"Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!"

Now THAT's a Fantasy, if ever I heard one.... Oh April 1... right....


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 11 - 11:08 PM

You know, I first read the title of this thread as "...cReases all fantasies!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 03 Apr 11 - 11:50 PM

This weekend alone I participated in two benefit concerts to help folks in need. This is what I do for pastime in my retirement years. Perhaps some loyal catter would arrange a benefit to post bail for Shane and I would be more than happy to participate. A wise word of caution though; do not place your home as security as he has been known to skip bail in the past. (The poor guy only stopped in at the tavern on the way to court (but the first draught tasted like another) so what if he was a day late?


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Subject: RE: BS: Little Hawk ceases all fantasies!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Apr 11 - 11:57 PM

Your idealism in this matter is commendable, Sandy.


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