Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony

Subject: Lyr Add: AIN'T LOVE GRAND (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Apr 11 - 09:05 PM

AIN'T LOVE GRAND
Words and music by Leslie Sarony, ©1937.
As sung by The Two Leslies [Leslie Sarony and Leslie Holmes]

Look at all the buildings they are building ev'rywhere.
They're wonderful. They're marvelous.
Science has us getting in a thousand diff'rent ways,
But love still beats them all.

Couple of youngsters starting a courtship.
Ain't love grand?
Go to the pictures every Wednesday.
Ain't love grand?
Sit in the back row all in the darkness,
Hand in hand.
There they kiss and cuddle and they sigh, "Oh, my!"
Now, ain't love grand?

Then there's a wedding. Oh, what a party!
Ain't love grand?
All of the neighbours eating and drinking.
Ain't love grand?
Look at the bridegroom ...(*) to the eyebrows.
He can't stand.
His wife goes up to bed and finds he's fast asleep.
Now, ain't love grand?

Soon there's a baby. Ooh, what a lovely one!
Ain't love grand?
Is it like father? Possibly, maybe.
Ain't love grand?
Very romantic in his pyjamas
Pa will stand,
With a raging toothache and a squalling kid.
Now, ain't love grand?

After the baby, twins are the next thing.
Ain't love grand?
Following here, there's another expected.
Ain't love grand?
Hurrying home now, father is anxious.
Understand:
Doctor says, "It's twins again." He says, "Gor blimey!"
Ain't love grand?

[* Couldn't catch this word. A synonym for "drunk" I suppose.]

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Apr 11 - 09:08 PM

Oops! Forgot to mention that I transcribed those lyrics from a recording found at YouTube.

Subject: Lyr Add: DOWN UPON THE FARM (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Apr 11 - 10:26 PM

Here's my transcription from the recording at YouTube:


DOWN UPON THE FARM
Words and music by Leslie Sarony.
As sung by The Two Leslies, 1935.

1. The folks are never very wealthy,
Down upon the farm.
But it's a life that's good and healthy
Down upon the farm.
You'll always be contented and never come to harm,
And you'll get all the fun you're needing,
Down upon the farm.

CHORUS: So give me the country life, the country life, the country life.
Give me the country life, down upon the farm.

2. A lovely cat and dog they brought us
Down upon the farm.
And they both held up with the tortoise
Down upon the farm.
In fact they've been too friendly; it fills me with alarm.
Today the cat had pups with shells on,
Down upon the farm.

CHORUS: So give me the country life...etc.

3. They've got a nice new milkmaid now there,
Down upon the farm.
They said, "Go out and milk that cow there,"
Down upon the farm.
For hours she tried to do so, then murmured with alarm:
"It's either you or me not trying,"
Down upon the farm.

CHORUS: So give me the country life...etc.

[Segue into a new tune:]

Now there was an old farmer; he had an old sow,
[Snort], ow [ptppt], ow [whistle], idly dow.
Susannah's a funniful man,
[Snort], an [ptppt], an [whistle], idly dan.
Susannah's a funniful man.
Sing lassie-go-rings-o'er-all,
Susannah's a funniful man,
[Snort], an [ptppt], an [whistle], idly dan.
Susannah's a funniful man.

This old sow, she had some little pigs,
[Snort], igs [ptppt], igs [whistle], idly digs.
Susannah's ... etc.

These little pigs they had to be stuffed,
[Snort], uffed [ptppt], uffed [whistle], idly duffed.
Susannah's ... etc.

CHORUS: So give me the country life...etc.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: Joe Offer
Date: 19 Apr 11 - 10:39 PM

Can you give any biographical information on Leslie Sarony, Jim? I was going to say I didn't even know whether Leslie was male or female, but I looked at the YouTube video and found Leslie was a "he."

-Joe-

---

Here's the Wikipedia listing:

Leslie Sarony (born Leslie Legge Frye 22 January 1897 - 12 February 1985) was a British entertainer, singer and songwriter. Sarony was born in Surbiton, Surrey and died in London. He began his stage career aged 14 with the group Park Eton's Boys. In 1913 he appeared in the revue Hello Tango. In the Great War, Sarony served in the London Scottish regiment in France and Salonika. His stage credits after the war include revues, pantomimes and musicals, including the London productions of Show Boat and Rio Rita. Sarony became well known in the 1920s and 1930s as a variety artist and radio performer. In 1928 he made a short film made in the Phonofilm sound-on-film system, Hot Water and Vegetabuel. In this film, he sang, interspersed with his comic patter, the two eponymous songs – the first as a typical Cockney geezer outside a pub, the second (still outside the pub) as a less typical vegetable rights campaigner ("Don't be cruel to a vegetabuel"). He went on to make a number of recordings of novelty songs, such as He Played his Ukulele as the Ship Went Down, including several with Jack Hylton and his Orchestra. He teamed up with Leslie Holmes in 1935 under the name The Two Leslies. The partnership lasted until 1946. Their recorded output included such gems as "I'm a Little Prairie Flower". His song "Jollity Farm" was covered by Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band. Sarony continued to perform into his eighties, moving on to television and films. In the 1970s he appeared in hit programmes including the Harry Worth Show, Crossroads, Z-Cars, The Good Old Days, and The Liberace Show, as well as the famous sitcom Nearest and Dearest. He took over from Bert Palmer as the senile Uncle Stavely ("I heard that! Pardon?") in the fourth and final series of I Didn't Know You Cared in 1979. In 1983 Sarony appeared as one of a number of elderly insurance clerks in the The Crimson Permanent Assurance segment of Monty Python's The Meaning of Life. His son Peter Sarony is a successful gunsmith with a business in London.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE EMPIRE PARTY SONG (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Apr 11 - 11:25 PM

I transcribed this from the recording at YouTube:


THE EMPIRE PARTY SONG
As sung by Leslie Sarony (1930)

FIRST VOICE: I must say, uh, it gives me, uh, great pleasure, uh, to be asked, uh, to address you upon this most important, uh, occasion. Uh, of course one has to, uh, be very careful what one says, uh, because one is liable to find that one's won a thing, uh, that one should not have won, uh, should not one? Of course one does, exactly. Uh, I have much pleasure now, uh, in calling upon our old friend, uh, Mister Spongebottom, uh, our impunity singer, who will now, uh, give you the song, uh, you have all been waiting for.

OTHER VOICES: Sit down. Shut up.

FIRST VOICE: I thank you.

SINGER: Our country needs a strong man, with dissention now, it seems.
A garlic-eating man is strong, but only when he breathes.
Baldwin's plans all end in smoke, before they're even ripe,
And when they talk of Navy Cuts, he's thinking of his pipe.
This is no time for mirth.
Now is the time to show your worth.

So hats off and catch a cold for England.
Come and join the Empire Party.
Stamp your feet and give three cheers.
Get free meat and get free beers.
If you'll only join the Empire Party,
They'll make you feel at home,
And if they can't get you all inside the Empire,
They'll put you in the Hippodrome.

Coats off and strike a blow for England.
Come and join the Empire Party.
Housewives, scorn the foreign yoke.
Half their eggs are cracked or broke.
If you'll only join the Empire Party,
You'll have to pay and grin,
For if they can't find the money when they want it,
They're sure to put the brokers in.

FIRST VOICE: Uh, I have another little announcement to make, uh, that is, uh,that our old friend Mister Scripplethorpe was to have given us a solo on the, uh, the, uh, whiffercoot, a rather unique instrument, if I may say so—uh, two strings on a navvy's boot played with the teeth. Unfortunately, he was hit in the mouth by a cricket ball, which, uh, knocked all his stumps out. However, another old friend of ours, uh, Mister Blastit, i-i-is going to, uh, give us a cornet solo. Yes, uh, every time he plays his cornet, I scream! Ha-ha!

[CORNET SOLO BEGINS.]

FIRST VOICE: That celebrated saga of raspberries, I think was dedicated to this gentleman.

SINGER: Hats off and catch a cold for England...etc.


[Around the same time, Gracie Fields also recorded a song that mentioned the Empire Party and the Hippodrome, although it wasn't as pointedly satirical as this one. See THAT MUST HAVE BEEN OUR WALTER.]

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: Mr Happy
Date: 20 Apr 11 - 05:22 AM

More here:http://monologues.co.uk/search/search.pl?Match=1&Realm=All&Terms=leslie+sarony

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: Newport Boy
Date: 20 Apr 11 - 07:28 AM

Jim - your missing word in 'Ain't Love Grand' is 'soused' I think.

Leslie Sarony was one of my father's favourite performers. I'm fairly sure I saw him in music hall in Newport about 1947, although it may be that I'm remembering the records at home.

Phil

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: Newport Boy
Date: 20 Apr 11 - 08:21 AM

I should have added that Sarony used 'sozzled' in 'Ain't it Grand to be Bloomin' Well Dead'. Such words predate cruder terms like 'pissed' and seem to be related to a state of being preserved - Pickled, Sozzled, Soused, Stewed.

Phil

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 01:51 AM

Lyrics to the following songs recorded by Leslie Sarony (or The Two Leslies) have already been posted at Mudcat:

AIN'T IT GRAND TO BE BLOOMIN' WELL DEAD!

ALL BY YOURSELF IN THE MOONLIGHT

DON'T DO THAT TO THE POOR PUSS CAT

(DOWN ON) JOLLITY FARM

FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS

HE PLAYED HIS UKULELE AS THE SHIP WENT DOWN

HERE WE ARE, HERE WE ARE, HERE WE ARE AGAIN

NO! NO! A THOUSAND TIMES NO!

NOW'S THE TIME TO FALL IN LOVE

OH! OH! ANTONIO

OVER THE GARDEN WALL

SWEET FANNY ADAMS

WHAT CAN YOU GIVE A NUDIST ON HIS BIRTHDAY

WHY BUILD A WALL ROUND A GRAVEYARD?

Subject: Lyr Add: DON'T YOU KNOW THERE'S A WAR ON?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Apr 11 - 12:45 PM

This comes from a British Pathé reel, viewable at either the British Pathé web site or YouTube: (My transcription.)


DON'T YOU KNOW THERE'S A WAR ON
As sung by The Two Leslies, 1942.

Now there is no wonder we're fidgety and nervy.
The world's topsy-turvy today.
In a pub or when shopping, wherever you pop in,
It's something you'll hear someone say:

Don't you know there's a war on?
Don't you know there's a war?
You can't have the things that you used to adore.
They're hard to obtain without breaking the law.
Don't you know there's a war on,
A worse one than ever before?
For something to eat round the city you prowl,
And if you complain that the fish has gone foul,
All that you get in reply is a growl:
Don't you know there's a war on?
Don't you know there's a war?

Don't you know there's a war on?
Don't you know there's a war?
You can't have the things that you used to adore.
They're hard to obtain without breaking the law.
Don't you know there's a war on,
A worse one than ever before?
Some soldiers were thirsty and full of good cheer.
They went in a pub for a nice round of beer,
And found they said, "Beer? Never see any here!
Don't you know there's a war on?
Don't you know there's a war?"

I went to a show and a front stall I had.
I said, "My word! Aren't those girls scantily clad!"
An old man of eighty said, "Shut your mouth, lad!
Don't you know there's a war on?
Don't you know there's a war?"

Don't you know there's a war on?
Don't you know there's a war?
You can't have the things that you used to adore.
They're hard to obtain without breaking the law.
Don't you know there's a war on,
A worse one than ever before?
I went to the shop, no tomatoes and cheese.
I said, "Your hand's under the counter, I see."
She answered, "So what? Can't a girl scratch her knee?
Don't you know there's a war on?
Don't you know there's a war?"

Subject: Lyr Add: GRANDPA LIKED IT (from Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 03 May 11 - 06:43 PM

You can hear this at The Internet Archive or YouTube. Here's my transcription:


GRANDPA LIKED IT
As sung by Leslie Sarony

1. People's taste can differ on a lot of things,
But there's one thing we all like to know.
Grandpa, grandma also had the same idea
Years and years and years and years ago.

CHORUS: Grandpa liked it. (What?) Grandma liked it. (What?)
Same like you like, same like I like, same like we all like now.
Grandpa did it. (What?) Grandma did it. (What?)
Same like you do, same like I do, same like we all do now.
Old Eve and Adam, ev'ry youth and miss
Likes a little cuddle, likes a little kiss.
Grandpa liked it. (What?) Grandma liked it. (What?)
Same like you like, same like I like, same like we all like now.

2. Ev'rybody seems to fall for something new.
So many things surprise us each day.
Though love really is a most old-fashioned thing,
It has held first place and so I say:

REPEAT CHORUS.
REPEAT LAST HALF OF CHORUS.

[I failed to find any writer credit or discographical information.]

Subject: Lyr Add: PEGGOTTY LEG (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 03 May 11 - 07:06 PM

You can hear this song at The Internet Archive or see an actual video version, with Sarony doing a remarkable dance, at YouTube. Here's my transcription:

[I have omitted the patter that comes before the song.]

PEGGOTTY LEG
As sung by Leslie Sarony, 1933

1. In a little village down in Devon,
There's a quaint old mariner you'll see.
He's known to ev'ryone,
And when his day is done,
You will always find him on the quay.

CHORUS: And they call him Peg 'cause he's got a wooden leg
And he used to sail a barque.
His leg, they say, went off one day
Inside a great big shark.
He's a face that's red and ruddy and a tummy like a keg,
But they all like Peggotty, dear old Peggotty,
With his Peggotty leg.

REPEAT CHORUS.

2. Now this quaint old ... way down in Devon
He dreamt he died and went below one day.
As his slumbers off he shook,
Out of his leg he took
A fire insurance policy, they say

CHORUS: And they call him Peg 'cause he's got a wooden leg
And he used to sail a barque.
His leg, they say, went off one day
Inside a great big shark,
And you wouldn't think that he could dance with only one good peg,
But watch old Peggotty dance, old Peggotty,
With his Peggotty leg.

Subject: Lyr Add: TEAS, LIGHT REFRESHMENTS AND MINERALS
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 03 May 11 - 07:53 PM

You can hear this song at The Internet Archive or YouTube. (The YouTube version is clearer. It's the second of 2 songs in that "video.") Here's my transcription:

[I despaired of labelling the parts with the conventional terms verse, chorus, and bridge, so I used A, B, and C.]


TEAS, LIGHT REFRESHMENTS AND MINERALS
Words and music by Leslie Sarony
As sung by The Two Leslies [Leslie Sarony and Leslie Holmes], 1934.

[A] I've wandered through Somerset, Devon and Cornwall.
I love them, I do.
Through Norfolk and Suffolk, through Hampshire and Dorset
And Cumberland, too;
But every time I emerge from a byway,
I meet with this slogan on every highway:

[B] "Teas, light refreshments and minerals,
Minerals, minerals."
On each cottage wall as through Britain you roam,
You'll find these few words to remind you of home:
"Teas, light refreshments and minerals."
Now doesn't that act like a charm?

[C] The jolly old farmer you once used to know
Has no time to plough or to reap or to sow,
But he reaps a good harvest as John Giles and Co. [pronounced "coe"]
With teas, light refreshments and minerals.

[C] You travel by train when the weather's unkind.
The scenery's changed; you can't call it to mind,
So you look for the name of the station and find
It's "Teas, Light Refreshments and Minerals."

[A] You're hot and perspiring. Good ale you're requiring
With nice bread and cheese.
In tones most appalling, the landlord is calling,
"Time, gentlemen, please!"
But neat little tables are daintily laid in
The garden where he does a flourishing trade in—

[B] Teas, light refreshments and minerals,
Minerals, minerals.
On each cottage wall as through Britain you roam,
You'll find these few words to remind you of home:
"Teas, light refreshments and minerals."
Now doesn't that act like a charm?

[C] I once knew a flapper, a bit of a tease.
She'd tease all the fellows who wanted a squeeze,
And when there wasn't anything else she could tease,
She would tease "light refreshments and minerals."

[C] At the race meetings, gypsies pay very large rents
For spots near the races where they pitch their tents,
For they love to accommodate ladies and gents
With teas, light refreshments and minerals.

[Last part of B] "Teas, light refreshments and minerals."
Now doesn't that act like a charm?

[C] This slogan's become an obsession with me.
When my wife had triplets, I hollered, "What? Three!"
When she said, "What d'you think that their names ought to be?"
I said, "Teas, Light Refreshments and Minerals."

Subject: Lyr Add: AT THE OLD PIG AND WHISTLE (Leslie Sarony
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 May 11 - 01:00 PM

You can hear this at YouTube. I made this transcription:


AT THE OLD PIG AND WHISTLE
Words and music by Ralph Butler & Ronnie Munroe*
As sung by Leslie Sarony, Imperial 2887-B, 1933.

There's a little wayside inn with an old-world atmosphere
Where you eat good English food and drink their best of beer.
This little wayside inn you'll visit in your dreams,
With hams and strings of onions hanging from the old oak beams.

At the old Pig and Whistle with the roses round the door,
At the old Pig and Whistle with the sawdust on the floor,
You can hear old farmer Marley
Grumbling at the price of barley,
At the old Pig and Whistle with the roses round the door.

Down a little cobbled street by the little market square,
Since the days of Good Queen Bess that inn's been standing there.
You can see a rounder place (?), or trophies of the chase,
A big stuffed fish and a fox's head inside a big glass case.

At the old Pig and Whistle with the roses round the door,
At the old Pig and Whistle with the sawdust on the floor,
Sittin' round the tallow candle,
You can hear the latest scandal
At the old Pig and Whistle with the roses round the door.

[Here there is a bit of patter plus a verse of THE OLD SOW (Susannah's a Funniful Man) just as he did in DOWN UPON THE FARM.]

At the old Pig and Whistle with the roses round the door,
At the old Pig and Whistle with the sawdust on the floor,
You can have your photo taken
Sittin' on a side of bacon
At the old Pig and Whistle with the roses round the door.

[* It's spelled "Munroe" on the record label (viewable at YouTube) but "Munro" on the sheet music—according to the catalogue entry at the Cambridge University Library.]

[Can anyone explain "rounder place"—or did I mishear it?]

Subject: Lyr Add: GETTING UP NICE AND EARLY (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 May 11 - 08:36 PM

You can hear this at YouTube. It's the first of 2 songs in one "video." Here is my transcription:

GETTING UP NICE AND EARLY
As sung by Leslie Sarony and Tommy Handley, with Jack Payne & the BBC Orchestra, Columbia 5555, 1930.

When you wake in bed,
Shift your lazy head.
Open up the window; look below you.
Do not spend the day
Sleeping hours away.
Nature has a lot of things to show you.
If you want to see the sun a-shining as it stares,
Get up nice and early in the morning.
If you want to see the flowers waking from their lairs,
Get up nice and early in the morning.
There's no need for you
Ever to be blue.
My advice is simple; you know what to do.
If you want to see your sweetie
Looking at her [pause*] worst,
Get up nice and early in the morning.

That's the idea. Get up nice and early in the morning. You know the old saying: early to bed, early to rise, uh, red sky at night, er, um, uh, keeps the doctor away. Anyhow, it's a well known fact, the longer you lay [sic] in bed, the shorter the bed seems to be. I remember once I got up so late in the morning, that when I was going downstairs to breakfast, I met meself coming up to bed again, and that's a fatal thing to do. Remember, if you want to keep that schoolgirl complexion, get up nice and early in the morning. And if you suffer from insomnia, go to bed and sleep it off. Yours truly, Tommy Handley.

[* The pause before "worst" hints that we might be expecting something risqué, but I can't think what it might be. Any ideas?]

Subject: Lyr Add: MUCKING ABOUT THE GARDEN (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 May 11 - 08:37 PM

You can hear this at YouTube. It's the second of 2 songs in one "video." Here is my transcription:


MUCKING ABOUT THE GARDEN
As sung by Leslie Sarony and Tommy Handley, with Jack Payne & the BBC Orchestra, Columbia 5555, 1930.

We're a happy family; I'd like you all to know.
We live with Uncle Joe
In a little bungalow.
It has got a garden and it keeps him on the go.
When someone says, "Where's your uncle?" we just answer, "Oh,
He's mucking about the garden, always on the go."
Seeds begin to show.
Weeds begin to grow.
Mucking about the garden, dear old Uncle Joe
Works for hours
Among the flowers
And then begins to hoe(?).
Everything is lovely-uvely* everywhere, everywhere.
Morning noon and night he's on the go.
Oh!
Mucking about the garden, dear old Uncle Joe
Sings, "Ripe tomatoes, apples or plums,"
Watching his onion grow.

Now a few hints on gardening by yours very soiled, Tommy Handley: first of all, you must purchase suitable tools, such as a spade to cut the earthworms into assorted lengths, a wheelbarrow to carry out their remains, and a watering can in case the capital(?) has grown thirsty during the night. Of course, if you haven't got a garden, the only thing you require is a portmanteau, which you fill with your neighbour's potatoes while she's at the pictures. Then you buy the seed in penny packets, each packet bearing an illustration of the flower, designed by an optimist, and coloured by Ananias. And if your rhubarb is backward, send it forward.

[* Pronounced as 6 syllables: lov-e-ly-uv-e-ly.]

Subject: Lyr Add: ONCE ABOARD THE LUGGER (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 06 May 11 - 10:39 PM

You can hear this song at YouTube. It originally occupied 2 sides of a 78-rpm record. This is my transcription:


ONCE ABOARD THE LUGGER
Words and music by Leslie Sarony
As sung by Leslie Sarony, Eclipse 174, 1932.

[Side A:]

1. Sammy was a sailor and he'd just come home from sea.
He saw a girl named Sally who was standing on the quay.
He shouted, "Come aboard, miss. We'll be sailing with the tide."
She said, "Go to Halifax!" then poor old Sammy cried:

"Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine,
The girl is mine, the girl is mine.
The rain may come and the son won't shine,
But once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine.

2. "We'll splice the main jib boom," he cried. "You can't give me the slip.
I'll shiver all me timbers but I'll get you on the ship."
She said, "You go and hoist your slacks and hoist yourself as well."
He said, "I'm not an oyster," then he hoisted up a yell:

"Oh, once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine,
The girl is mine, the girl is mine.
On the dotted line she'll refuse to sign,
But once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine."

3. He chased her in the Sailor's Rest and bought her lots of gin.
He chased her by the waterfront and there they both fell in.
He knew she couldn't swim and so he grabbed her by the hair.
He said, "You'll pardon me, but sailors really do not care.

"Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine,
The girl is mine, the girl is mine.
I'm a real old salt and she don't like brine,
But once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine."

4. She shouted out, "Unhand me, sir!" and ran across a field.
He chased along behind her and said, "Maiden, you must yield."
She ran across the village green and both fell down a well.
He grabbed her by the alpha deck and then began to yell:

"Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine,
The girl is mine, the girl is mine.
She's a fiery catch; she can scratch and whine,
But once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine."

5. She got away from Sammy and she bolted up the road.
Sammy couldn't run so fast because he's pigeon-toed.
He swore that he would find her inn or else he'd find her out.
He caused an awful traffic jam when he began to shout:

"Oh, once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine,
The girl is mine, the girl is mine.
Though she won't cling like a clinging vine,
Oh, once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine.

[Side B:]

"Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine,
The girl is mine, the girl is mine.
The rain may come and the sun won't shine,
But once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine."

6. He ran up to a farmer, who had corn stuck in his hair,
And said, "Across the field is that my filly over there?"
The farmer said, "I dunno, sir, but that's a poor old cow,"
But Sammy said, "I'll call her lots of farmyard names, and how!

"Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine,
The girl is mine, the girl is mine.
Though I'm fond of cows, I must draw the line.
Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine."

7. He asked a postman if he'd seen a female hard as nails.
The postman said, "It takes me all my time to watch the mails."
Said Sammy, "If you find her, you can send her C.O.D.
I'll give her C.O.D. for she's been C.O.D.ing me!

"Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine,
The girl is mine, the girl is mine.
I can register her for one and nine.
Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine.

8. He stopped the local fire brigade and said, "I've lost my flame."
The captain said, "If she's put out, the firemen aren't to blame."
Said Sammy, "No, she's not put out. She's vanished just like smoke,
But when I put my hose on her, she'll find it's not a joke.

"Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine,
The girl is mine, the girl is mine.
For a fortnight she won't sit down to dine.
Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine."

9. He went into a baker's and he murmured very low,
"I've lost my bit of pastry and I haven't any dough."
The baker said, "Some tarts are in the oven burning hot,"
But Sammy said, "Mine's hot enough to scorch the blinking lot.

"Oh, once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine,
The girl is mine, the girl is mine.
A slice from a knife-cut cake is fine.
Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine."

10. He called in at Police Court just to see if she'd been pinched.
A copper said, "You run away, or else you may get lynched."
They shoved him in a cell where he began to rave and shout,
But Sammy sang this song when Sally came to bail him out:

"Once aboard the lugger and the girl is mine,
The girl is mine, the girl is mine.
We're good friends now and she's paid my fine.
Got her on the lugger and the girl is mine."

*
"Once aboard the lugger, the girl is mine" became a popular catch-phrase after appearing in a pantomime called Robinson Crusoe by Frank Emery in 1882. The actual original line was "Once on board the lugguer, the gyurl is mine!"

Sidney Rahill and Norton Atkins wrote a song called "Once Aboard the Lugger, Or, The Operatic Villain" in 1890.

A.S.M. Hutchinson wrote a novel (his first of many) called "Once Aboard the Lugger: The History of George and His Mary" in 1908.

E. Teschemacher and David Dick Slater wrote a song called "Once Aboard the Lugger" in 1911.

Alec Rowley and Rodney Bennett wrote "Once Aboard the Lugger: An Operetta for Boys" in 1931.

William Faulkner wrote a short story called "Once Aboard the Lugger" in 1932.

R. F. Delderfeld wrote "Once Aboard the Lugger: A Comedy in 3 Acts" in 1962.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 May 11 - 01:15 AM

One more note: the phrase "Once aboard the lugger, the girl is mine" also appears in the song ON THE GOOD SHIP YACKI-HICKI-DOO-LA by Billy Merson (1917), which is in the DT.

Subject: Lyr Add: MY WIFE IS ON A DIET (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 May 11 - 01:54 AM

You can hear this at YouTube. This is my transcription:


MY WIFE IS ON A DIET
Words and music by Charles Tobias and George J Bennett, 1929.
As recorded by Leslie Sarony with Harry Hudson's Melody Men, 1929.

What's the greatest problem now throughout the land?
What's the only problem needs a helping hand?
It isn't Philip Snowden or tax relief, I find.
It's something more important now on everybody's mind.
Just walk into any home today,
It's ten to one you'll hear each husband say:

My wife is on a diet,
And since she's on a diet,
Home isn't home any more.
No gravy and potatoes,
Just lettuce and tomatoes.
Where are the pies I adore?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, what a disgrace!
I'm ashamed to look a grapefruit straight in the face.
My wife is on a diet,
And since she's on a diet,
I'm losing a pound every day.

Monday, grapefruit, breakfast and for dinner,
And a pint of orange juice.
Tuesday, grapefruit. Boys, I'm growing thinner.
All my clothes are getting loose.
Wednesday, Thursday, I feel satisfied.
Then I change to coffee with grapefruit on the side.
Friday through Sunday, it's more than I can stand.
Before the eighteenth day I'll have a lily in my hand.

My wife is on a diet,
And since she's on a diet,
Home isn't home any more.
No gravy and potatoes,
Just lettuce and tomatoes.
Where are the pies I adore?
Crabs and shrimps I must leave alone.
I'm the only lobster she'll allow in my home.
My wife is on a diet,
And since she's on a diet,
She's gaining a pound every day.

Oh, oh, oh, she's driving me wild!
One look at her onions and I cry like a child.

[Also recorded by Al Katz & His Kittens, Billy Murray & Walter Scanlan, Eddie Cantor, The Hoosier Hotshots, Jack Kaufman, The Six Jumping Jacks, Tommy Handley, and Jay Whidden.]

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: Snuffy
Date: 07 May 11 - 11:15 AM

In Old Pig and Whistle I hear:

You can see around her place, all trophies of the chase,
A big stuffed fish and a fox's head inside a big glass case

Subject: Lyr Add: AT A WEDDING, A CHRISTENING OR A FUNERAL
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 May 11 - 10:10 PM

You can hear this song at YouTube. It's the first of 2 songs in that "video." This is my transcription:


AT A WEDDING, A CHRISTENING OR A FUNERAL
As sung by Leslie Sarony

INTRO: Here we are again, all the family,
And we haven't been together for years.
Someone's getting married, so we meet once more,
And out come the smiles and tears.

1. Oh, we've lots of relations down our street,
But there's something wrong with their poor feet,
For the only time they ever seem to meet
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

2. The men shake hands, and when that's done,
The ladies kiss there one by one,
And the only time we have a bit of fun
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

CHORUS: There is happy land, far, far away.
One man's meat is another man's poison; that's what we say.

3. We oil our hair and scrub out toes,
Put scented soap in our ... nose(?).
The only time we're smelling like a rose
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

4. Oh, the kids get dirty too, by heck,
And at night our Tommy looks a wreck,
And the only time she'll go and wash his neck
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

5. And father's got a tit-for-tat
He calls his little gor-blimey hat,
And all the fam'ly on his hat have sat
At a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral. CHORUS

6. Our Auntie Con is tall and strong.
She's a wooden leg has Auntie Con,
But the only time she ever screws it on
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

7. There are lots of them without a doubt
Whose clothes are always up the spout,
And the only time they ever get them out
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

8. They all discard their overalls.
They all step up and pay their calls,
And there's always an awful smell of camphor balls
At a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral. CHORUS

9. We've got a boxing son so bright
Who always wants to show his might,
But the only time he ever has a fight
Is at a wedding or a christ'ning or a fun'ral.

Subject: Lyr Add: YOUNG SQUIRE'S COME HOME TODAY (L Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 May 11 - 10:12 PM

You can hear this song at YouTube. It's the second of 2 songs in that "video." This is my transcription:


YOUNG SQUIRE'S COME HOME TODAY
As sung by Leslie Sarony

[I have omitted some patter at the beginning of the song.]

1. When young squire left our village, 'twere a sad an' sorry day,
But now we've got a bit of news that makes us bright an' gay.
Young squire's come home today.
Hip-hip-hip-hip-hooray!
The poor old folks are feeling glad.
The gay young folks are running mad,
An' the babies are shouting, "Dad! Dad! Dad!"
Young squire's come home today.

2. Shopkeepers in the village have been draining sorrow's cup,
But now thank goodness they won't have to put their shutters up.
Young squire's come home today.
Hip-hip-hip-hip-hooray!
There'll be more work down at the mill,
So all start sending in your bills,
And don't forget to lock your childers(?)
Young squire's come home today.

3. The village maids are gettin' all excited, there's no doubt,
And Mother's shoutin', "Mary Ellen, don't you dare go out!"
Young squire's come home today.
Hip-hip-hip-hip-hooray!
I've known him since he were a lad,
And if he's like his dear old dad,
When the nights are dark and the roads are bad,
Young squire's come home today.

4. I heard the village publican to Bill the potman shout:
"There's sure to be a lot of them there ten-pound notes about."
Young squire's come home today.
Hip-hip-hip-hip-hooray!
The bus'ness will be simply great.
We'll make him spend his money, mate.
Thank heaven we've paid the water rate.
Young squire's come home today.

5. [Tacit for 2 lines.]
Young squire's come home today.
Hip-hip-hip-hip-hooray!
The flags and bunting do look fine
With fam'ly washing on the line,
Showing someone hopes it will keep fine
'Cause squire's come home today.

Subject: Lyr Add: WE ALL GO OO-HA-HA TOGETHER (Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 May 11 - 06:30 PM

You can hear this at YouTube:


WE ALL GO OO, HA, HA, TOGETHER
Cecil Harrington, Raymond Wallace & Algy More. ©1930.
As sung by Leslie Sarony, 1931.

Here's a new idea.
Come and listen, Jim.
You're a jolly lot, I see.
Tell you what to do:
When I sing to you,
Don't be bashful; sing with me.

I go, "Oo-hoo-hoo!"
You go, "Ha-ha-ha!"
And we all go, "Oo-ha-ha!" together.
I go, "Ha-ha-ha!"
You go, "Oo-hoo-hoo!"
And we all go, "Oo-ha-ha!" together.

Grab your girlie tight,
Whisper, "It's all right."
...(?) care a hang about the weather?
She goes, "Boo-hoo-hoo!"
You go, "Ah-ha-ha!"
And we all go, "Woo-ha-ha!" together.

Strolling home one night,
Feeling rather bright,
Met a pal who lives my way.
When we reached my door,
I said, "Have one more."
Then we heard the old bar say:

[Here the appropriate sound effect is used:]

Screws go [squeak-squeak-squeak (sound of a corkscrew going into a cork)],
Corks go [pop-pop-pop],
And they all go [squeak-pop-pop] together.
Siphons [fizz-fizz-fizz (sound of soda water being sprayed into a glass)],
Glasses [clink-clink-clink],
And they all go [fizz-clink-clink] together.

When you have a drink,
You'll agree, I think,
It tickles up the palate like a feather.
I say, "Chin-chin-chin,"
You say, "Bung-bung-ho,"
And we all say, "Chin-bung-ho" together.

You all like a band.
You say, "Ain't it grand?"
Listen to this new idea:
Take them one by one,
Then you'll have some fun.
Here's the sort of thing you'll hear:

[Here the appropriate instrument plays a few notes:]

Fiddles: * * *,
Cornets: * * *,
Then they all go * * * together.
Saxes: * * *,
Banjos: * * *,
Then they all go * * * together.

Piano: * * *,
Clarinet: * * *,
Then the big bassoon blows out a * * *.
Cymbals: * * *,
Drums go * * *,
And they all go * * * * * * * * *
All together in the ...(?).

Subject: Lyr Add: I LOVE MARY ANN (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 May 11 - 08:23 PM

You can hear this at YouTube:

I LOVE MARY ANN
As sung by Leslie Sarony, 1929 or 1931 (depending on whom you believe).

You've heard of Cleopatra and noble Joan of Arc,
But when you see my Mary Ann, she puts them in the dark.
What a great sensation as we walk side by side!
But I don't care what people say; she's going to be my bride.

I love Mary Ann; Mary Ann loves me.
I'm her new young man; she's my fiancée [pronounced fye-an-see].
Though she's forty-four in June,
Figure like a tight balloon,
She's got a lacy ...(?),
So I love Mary Ann.

Our wedding day draws nearer; I'm longing for the fray.
I'm going to chain her to my side in case she runs away.
All the town's invited; there'll be a lovely spread.
Next morning she can go to work while I stay home in bed.

I love Mary Ann; Mary Ann loves me.
I'm her new young man; she's my fiancée.
Though her health is very poor,
Cannot bear to scrub the floor,
They've given us a house next door,
So I love Mary Ann.

I love Mary Ann; Mary Ann loves me.
I'm her new young man; she's my fiancée.
Though her past is very black,
And her morals rather slack,
Her bank account would fill a sack,
So I love Mary Ann.

I love Mary Ann; Mary Ann loves me.
I'm her new young man; she's my fiancée.
Though she's very fond of gin,
Cultivates a double chin,
I'm in her will as next of kin,
So I love Mary Ann.

Subject: Lyr Add: HUNTING TIGERS OUT IN INDIAH (L Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 May 11 - 03:52 PM

You can hear this at YouTube. I have omitted some patter from my transcription:


HUNTING TIGERS OUT IN INDIAH
Words and music by Hargreaves-Evans-Demerell
As sung by Leslie Sarony

With big hungry tigers, table manners have no place.
Dear, dear, dear, no! Dear, dear, dear, no!
Dear, dear, oh, dear, no!
After they have eaten you, they never say their grace.
Dear, dear, dear, no! Dear, dear, dear, no!
Dear, dear, oh, dear, no!

Hunting tigers isn't any fun.
Like three blind mice, see the hunters run.
Hunting tigers out in India,
Out in, out in, out in India, yah!

You all know how peevish tigers are
Out in, out in, out in India, yah!
They bite; they scratch; they make an awful fuss.
It's no use stroking them and saying, "Puss, puss, puss."
No! Hunting tigers out in India,
Out in, out in, out in India, yah!

How many tigers can you find with forks and serviettes?
Dear, dear, dear, no! Dear, dear, dear, no!
Dear, dear, oh, dear, no!
Don't care in what part of you they fix their fretwork sets.
Dear, dear, dear, no! Dear, dear, dear, no!
Dear, dear, oh, dear, no!

Tigers don't go out on rainy nights.
They've no need to "wet" their appetites.
Hunting tigers out in India,
Out in, out in, out in India.

You all know how peevish tigers are
Out in, out in, out in India, yah!
They bite; they scratch; they make an awful fuss.
It's no use stroking them and saying, "Puss, puss, puss."
No! Hunting tigers out in India,
Out in, out in, out in India, yah!

They bite; they scratch; they make an awful fuss.
It's no use stroking them and saying, "Puss, puss, puss."
No! Hunting tigers out in India,
Out in, out in, out in India, yah!


[YouTube also has recordings by:
Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band from one of their albums
Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band, on a live TV program
Jack Payne and his B.B.C. Dance Orchestra]

Subject: Lyr Add: I LIFT UP MY FINGER AND I SAY TWEET TWEET
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 May 11 - 08:20 PM

You can see a British Pathe film of Leslie Sarony singing this song at YouTube:


I LIFT UP MY FINGER AND I SAY TWEET TWEET
Words and music by Leslie Sarony
As sung by Leslie Sarony

VERSE 1: Now some people make a fuss
When a thing goes wrong.
Some start to swear and cuss.
Others sing a song.
I don't do either; that's all napoo.(?)
When a thing goes wrong with me, this is what I do:

CHORUS 1: I lift up my finger and say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"
I don't need to linger when I say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"
When the cats at night are starting to fight,
Do I stand by deaf and dumb?
No! I lift up my finger and say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"

VERSE 2: Now some people say, "Tut, tut!"
Others say, "Dash, dash!"
Some call for beef or mutt',
Others sauce and mash.
If in a hotel waiters are slow,
Do I thunder, "Who the—? What the—? How the—? Why the—?" No!

CHORUS 2: I lift up my finger and say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"
I don't need to linger when I say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"
When the wife tells me where I ought to be,
Do I stand by meek and mum?
No! I lift up my finger and say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"

CHORUS 3: I lift up my finger and say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"
I don't need to linger when say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"
When a girl says, "Dear, I'm lost around here,"
Do I stand and suck my thumb?
No! I lift up my finger and say, "Tweet, tweet!
Shush, shush! Now, now! Come, come!"

*

ALTERNATIVE LINES 5-6 FOR CHORUS, COLLECTED FROM OTHER VERSIONS:

When at golf I'm duff and get in the rough,
Do I look all sour and numb?

When the baby screams and scatters my dreams,
Do I start to sing or hum?

When the landlord knocks and we're on the rocks,
And he swears, do I stand dumb?

When my voice is heard and I get the bird,
Do I stand by meek and mum?

If a pugilist starts swinging his fist,
Do I run away like some?


YOUTUBE ALSO HAS THESE RECORDINGS:

Jack Hylton and his Orchestra with vocal refrain by Leslie Sarony
Gracie Fields
Stanley Lupino in the film "Sporting Love"
Phil Arnold with Harry Hudson's Melody Men
Dajos Béla's Orchestra, with vocalist Rex Allen (recorded in Germany)
Tommy Handley
Hugh Laurie (as Bertie Wooster)

Subject: Lyr Add: THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 May 11 - 10:23 PM

You can hear this song at YouTube:


THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG
As sung by Leslie Sarony, circa 1930

1. Reading, writing, 'rithmetic are what you learn at school.
The only way to learn 'em quick is study like a fool.
You later go to college so nothing you will miss,
But even college graduates could never answer this:

CHORUS: Which came first? The chicken or the egg?
The egg or the chicken or the chicken or the egg?
All my life I've been in doubt.
Which was the first one to come out?
Please, won't someone answer me? On my knees I beg.
Which came first? The chicken or the egg?
The egg or the chicken or the chicken or the egg?

2. They just had a conference of reparation talk.
All the foreign delegates got up and had a squawk.
Someone said, "Look here, old cock. I think we'll have to go."
Then Mister Snowden shook his fist and said, "I want to know—"

CHORUS TWICE

Subject: Lyr Add: GORGONZOLA (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 May 11 - 11:01 PM

You can hear this song at YouTube:


GORGONZOLA
As sung by Leslie Sarony, circa 1928

I'm very fond of veg'tables; I'm very fond of meat.
In fact, I'm fond of anything that's really good to eat.
I'm fond of fish and fruit and all the rest,
But here's the thing I really love the best:

Gorgonzola, gorgonzola!
Three cheers for the green, white and blue!
Gorgonzola, gorgonzola!
It's good for me and oh so good for you.
It's very labor-saving when a dinner party comes.
You leave it on the table and it eats up all the crumbs.
Gorgonzola, gorgonzola!
Three cheers for the green, white and blue!

Now in the ballroom people want a new dance ev'ry year,
And what is it that jumps about and gives them the idea?
Gorgonzola, gorgonzola!
Three cheers for the green, white and blue!

I'm very fond of gambling and I love to see a race.
A week ago today the grocer's handicap took place.
Each owner ran a cheese. Now I don't boast.
They shouted as my cheese went past the post

Gorgonzola, gorgonzola!
Three cheers for the green, white and blue!
Gorgonzola, gorgonzola!
It's good for me and oh so good for you.
With cheddar second, stilton third, the rest all sprang along.
Who was it came home miles in front and still was going strong?
Gorgonzola, gorgonzola!
Three cheers for the green, white and blue!

'Twas in Trafalgar Bay the famous battle's won at last.
The flag has gone but what is Nelson nailing to the mast?
Gorgonzola!

Gorgonzola, gorgonzola!
Three cheers for the green, white and blue!
Gorgonzola, gorgonzola!
It's good for me and oh so good for you.
Perpetual motion can't be done, the wise men tried to prove.
But get a ... of stilton; see what's always on the move.
Gorgonzola, gorgonzola!
Three cheers for the green, white and blue!

Subject: Lyr Add: I SCREAM...WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 12 May 11 - 07:46 AM

You can hear this song at YouTube. Note that I have a few questionable parts in my transcription, and I would appreciate any help in fixing them:


ICE CREAM
a.k.a. I SCREAM - YOU SCREAM - WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM
Howard E. Johnson, Billy Moll, & Robert A. King, ©1927
As sung by Leslie Sarony, 1928

In the land of ice and snows,
Up among the Eskimos,
There's a college known as Oogie-Wawa
You should hear those college boys.
Gee, they make an awful noise
When they sing an Eskimo tra-la-la.
They've got a leader, big cheerleader; oh, what a guy!
He's got a frozen face just like an Eskimo pie.
When he says, "Come on, let's go,"
Though it's forty-five below,
This is what those Eskimos all holler:

I scream, you scream,
We all scream for ice cream.
Rah, rah, rah!
Tuesdays, Mondays,
We all scream for sundaes.
Sis boom bah!
Boola-boola!
Sasparoolla!
If you've got chocolate, we'll take vanoolla.
I scream, you scream,
We all scream for ice cream.
Rah, rah, rah!

Colleges may come and go,
But the world will never know
Any other place like Oogie-Wawa.
Harvard, Princeton, Brown, and Yale,
Football teams would all turn pale
When they'd play a game with Oogie-Wawa.
Those Eskimos looked mighty tough when they took the field,
And people said, "Ah! Here's a team that never will yield."
Then they'd go and climb fur(?)
Just to show how tough they were,
All those Eskimos began to holler:

I scream, you scream,
We all scream for ice cream.
Rah, rah, rah!
Frosted, malted,
Peppered or salted,
Sis boom bah!
Oh, spumoni!
Oh, so tony!
And confidentially, they'd lead to ronies(?)*
I scream, you scream,
We all scream for ice cream.
Rah, rah, rah!

I get rash-o(?)
I get obsessio(?)
Because it always sticks in my mustachio.
I scream, you scream,
We all scream for ice cream.
Rah, rah, rah!


* Harry Reser's version substitutes "We'll take baloney."

YouTube also has these recordings:
Fred Waring's Pennsylvanians
Harry Reser's Syncopators

Subject: Lyr Add: HOLD OUT YOUR PUDDING FOR JAM (L Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 May 11 - 06:38 AM

From the recording at YouTube:


HOLD OUT YOUR PUDDING FOR JAM
As sung by Leslie Sarony

No happy days are here again; it's hard to raise a cheer.
The cupboard's bare; there's nothing there but half a pint of beer.
Bend your backs and pay your tax and smile; you're bound to do.
Think of that old saying mother used to bawl at you.

Let us have the happy days when mother used to say:
"Hold out your pudding for jam; you've been a good boy today."
Let us have the happy days when we were bright and gay,
And hold out your pudding for jam; you've been a good boy today.

We don't want jam tomorrow for we might be dead, you know,
Stone cold, under the mould, making the daisies grow.
Oh, life's to short to miss the sport so now's the time to say:
Hold out your pudding for jam; you've been a good boy today.

Happy days are again. Oh, what a jolly lark!
We've got no pennies for the guess(?); we're whistling in the dark.
We've put our worries through the mangle and been quite content.
We haven't got the mangle; it was sold to pay the rent.

Let us have the happy days when mother used to say:
"Hold out your pudding for jam; you've been a good boy today."
Let us have the happy days when we were bright and gay,
And hold out your pudding for jam; you've been a good boy today.

Some get all the sweets of life; I'm sure I don't know why.
Others get a smack in the blinking eye.
But duff's the stuff(?) when things are rough to drive the blues away,
So hold out your pudding for jam; you've been a good boy today.

Gooseberry or strawberry, we like it nice and thick.
Plum and apple, give us a spoon to lick.
Raspberry can be very nice when done a certain way,
So hold out your pudding for jam; you've been a good boy today.

Subject: Lyr Add: WHEEZY ANNA (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 May 11 - 07:44 AM

From the recording at YouTube:


WHEEZY ANNA
Words and music Leslie Sarony, ©1933.
As sung by Leslie Sarony

There's a girl, a great big girl, and all who've ever seen her
They know that every time she breathes, she's like a concertina.
When she was young she bought a small mouth-organ for a tanner.
She swallowed it and ever since they call her Wheezy Anna.

Wheezy Anna, Wheezy Anna, down where the watermelons grow.
(And they've got big pips in.)
Wheezy Anna, Wheezy Anna, she's the grandest girl I know.

Who's got eyes that are the best? Wheezy Anna.
One looks east and the other looks west. Wheezy Anna.
Who's got eyes as black as night? Wheezy Anna.
With the left one blacker than the right. Wheezy Anna.

Wheezy Anna, Wheezy Anna, down where the watermelons grow.
(Melons wet your ears so.)
Wheezy Anna, Wheezy Anna, she's the grandest girl I know.

Who's got teeth that are so bright? Wheezy Anna.
Like the stars, come out at night. Wheezy Anna.
Who's conceited, boy, and how? Wheezy Anna.
When it thunders, takes a bow. Wheezy Anna.

Wheezy Anna (Anna), Wheezy Anna (Anna), down where the watermelons grow.
(Which the blinds all skate on.)
Wheezy Anna, Wheezy Anna, she's the grandest girl I know.

Who's the fattest girl in town? Wheezy Anna.
Who's the female Teddy Brown? Wheezy Anna.
When she tries to phone, they say, Wheezy Anna.
Always presses Button 'A', Wheezy Anna.

Wheezy Anna, Wheezy Anna, down where the watermelons grow.
(Like a great big push-ball.)
Wheezy Anna, Wheezy Anna, she's the grandest girl I know.

AN EXTRA VERSE FOUND ONLINE (BUT NOT IN THIS RECORDING:)

Who's tattooed upon her back? Wheezy Anna.
Stars and Stripes and Union Jack. Wheezy Anna.
Snakes and things upon her vest. Wheezy Anna.
Close your eyes and guess the rest. Wheezy Anna.

Subject: Lyr Add: DO YOU KNOW? (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 May 11 - 12:12 PM

From the recording at YouTube. It's the second of 2 songs in that "video":


DO YOU KNOW?
Words and music Leslie Sarony, ©1933.
As sung by Leslie Sarony

I've come to this conclusion and I think you will agree:
There's not enough intrusion on our hospitality.
I don't think we make half the friends that people ought to do.
I'm going to make amends and introduce a few to you:

Do you know Roland? Roland who?
Roland Butter. How do you do-do-do?
Do you know Tommy? Tommy who?
Tommy Otta. How do you do-do-do?

Let's all have a little party,
Meet some faces that are new.
Do you know Arthur? Arthur who?
Arthur Mometer. How do you do-do-do?

Do you know Chester? Chester who?
Chester Song-at-Twilight. How do you do-do-do?
Do you know Harvey? Harvey who?
Harvey Gonna-Have-Another-One? How do you do-do-do?

Let's all have a little party,
Meet some faces that are new.
Do you know Monty? Monty who?
Monty Tuesday-Wednesday. How do you do-do-do?

Let's all have a little party,
Meet some faces that are new.
Do you know Annie? Annie who?
Annie Gonna-Rain-No-More-No-More. How do you do-do-do?

Do you know Ginger? Ginger who?
Ginger Yourself-When-You-Fell-Down? How do you do-do-do?
Do you know Amy? Amy who?
Amy 'At's-Fell-Off! How do you do-do-do?

Let's all have a little party,
Meet some faces that are new.
Do you know Jenny? Jenny who?
Jenny Old-Rags-or-Bottles-Today? How do you do-do-do?

Do you know Levi? Levi who?
Levi Down-in-the-Country. How do you do-do-do?
Do you know Evon? Evon who?
Evon The-Irish-Sweeper. How do you do-do-do?

Let's all have a little party,
Meet some faces that are new.
Do you know Annet? Annet who?
Annet Grand-to-Be-Bloomin'-Well-Dead?

Subject: Lyr Add: TOPSY TURVY TALK (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 May 11 - 12:49 PM

From the recording at YouTube.


TOPSY TURVY TALK
As sung by Leslie Sarony, with Jack Hylton & His Orchestra

You can see a change in these modern days
Ev'rywhere you go.
Through the pictures now we have changed our ways,
Especially in our talk,
For everywhere they reach
And change the nations' speech.

The Germans say, "Ja, ja," and the Frenchmen say, "Oui, oui."
Out in sunny Italy they say, "Si, si."
Ev'rywhere, you know, jazz is all the go.
Even out in Belgium they say, "vo-do-do-de-o-do."

We used to say, "Yes, yes," but now we're in a mess.
It's enough to turn one grey.
Things are topsy-turvy since the talkies came to stay,
For the Yankees say, "Gor blimey" and the Cockneys say, "OK."

We used to be polite and say, "That's great, old egg!"
But we're sadly altered now.
Things are topsy-turvy since the talkies made a row,
For the Yanks say, "What about it?" and the Cockneys say, "And how!"

Subject: Lyr Add: SHUT THE GATE (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 17 May 11 - 09:41 AM

You can hear this song at YouTube. It's the first of 2 songs in that "video."


SHUT THE GATE
Words and music by Leslie Sarony, ©1930
As sung by Leslie Sarony

I bought myself a horse and cart from my friend Mr Moore.
I thought I'd go in business as a trav'ling gen'ral store.
I dealt in almost ev'rything from artichokes to hay.
I'd knock upon the door and then I'd most politely say:

"Good morning, Mrs Cokestoke! You want any coals today?
I've got some lovely kitchen nuts, I'm very pleased to say."
She answered, "You can keep your nuts. My cellar's full already,
So shut the gate." "Bother the gate! Gee up, Neddy."

"Good morning, Mrs Pigstride! You want any pork today?
I've got some lovely pickled stuff, I'm very pleased to say."
She says, "My husband's in the house. I've got one pig already,
So shut the gate." "Bother the gate! Gee up, Neddy."

I haven't had a customer since I've been on the road.
I'm like a trav'ling Selfridge's with such a lovely load.
I keep on shutting blessed gates as I go on my way.
I'd like to shut them all in gale(?), but I politely say:

"Good morning, Mrs Toadstool! Do you want any frogs today?
I've got some here all full of hops. You ought to see them play."
She said, "I've seen enough of hops. My husband's drunk already,
So shut the gate." "Bother the gate! Gee up, Neddy."

"Good morning, Mrs Dingdong! Do you want any songs today?
I've got some really snappy ones, for you I'd like to play."
She said, "No, thanks, but when I sing, the raspberries come steady,
So shut the gate." "Bother the gate! Gee up, Neddy."

"Good morning, Mrs Fleashutch! Have you got any rooms today?
I've heard about your boarding house. I think I'd like to stay."
She answered, "All the big bugs are staying here already,
So shut the gate." "Bother the gate! Gee up, Neddy."

Subject: Lyr Add: DOWN AT THE HOLE IN THE WALL (L Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 17 May 11 - 11:27 AM

You can hear this song at YouTube:


DOWN AT THE HOLE IN THE WALL
Words and music by Leslie Sarony, Leslie Holmes, and E. Hylton, ©1939.
As sung by The Two Leslies (Leslie Sarony and Leslie Holmes)

1. Somewhere in France there's a buxom young girl,
And for her the fellows all fall.
You'll find her working down at the establishment(?)
Known as the Hole in the Wall.

CHORUS: Oh, down at the Hole in the Wall,
Down at the Hole in the Wall,
I'll have a drink; you'll have a drink; we'll have a drink; all have a drink
Down at the Hole in the Wall.

2. The fellows all smack her whenever she bends.
She's forty and she doesn't mind,
But the girl needs protection and that's why she's wearing
Her A.R.P. tin hat behind.

3. A soldier took her up the hillside one day.
She puffed and said life was a farce.
She got a bit hazy, then trod on a daisy
And slipped down and fell on the grass.

4. She said to a fellow, "Take this bucket out
And milk that old cow till it's full."
For hours he sat working, perspiring and jerking,
Then found out that cow was a bull.

5. With uniforms, tin hats and trousers today,
You can't tell the ma's from the pa's,
And when we put on our gas mask, I'll say
That it sounds like a bloomin' great razz.

Subject: Lyr Add: THREE CHEERS FOR THE UNDERTAKER (Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 17 May 11 - 06:13 PM

You can hear this song at YouTube. The song begins at 4:40.


THREE CHEERS FOR THE UNDERTAKER
Words and music by Harry Castling, © 1933.
As sung by Leslie Sarony

The greatest man that ever lived in our vicinity
Is Box the undertaker; he's a friend of the family.

What did he do for Uncle Joe, who went off with a cough?
Because he only had one leg, took four-and-nine-pence off.
What did he do the morning when he buried Auntie Jane?
When she woke up on the way, he brought her home again.
All the way back he brought her, with sympathy and care.
She got a return although he only charged her single fare.
So three cheers for our undertaker; he never makes a fuss.
Oh, he's a jolly good fellow, and so say all of us.

What did he do for Timothy Tight, who had a fateful skid?
Why, wrote him a lovely poem for the brass plate on the lid.
Beautiful words of praise and love he wrote about poor Tim.
The morning his widow read them, why, she couldn't believe 'twas him.
And look at the care he takes before he brings you through the door.
He sees you've got a clean shirt on if you never had one before.
So good luck to our undertaker; he never makes a fuss.
Oh, he's a jolly good fellow, and so say all of us.

Look at the lovely horses he brings round with ...(?) complete.
Why, strangers think you're the Lord Mayor as you're riding down the street.
Look at the way he guards you while you're going for the ride,
Keeping a watch to see that you don't tumble off the side.
So whether you're just a working man or the dandiest of swells,
Once you patronize the firm, you'll never go anywhere else.
So good luck to our undertaker; he never makes a fuss.
Oh, he's a jolly good fellow, and so say all of us.

What did he do for Jones' widow poor Jones left behind?
They walked arm in arm in the cemet'ry; he knew Jones wouldn't mind.
So good health to our undertaker; he never makes a fuss,
And he'll look after your wife for you, and so say all of us.

And so say all of us (us, us) and so say all of us (us, us),
He's a ... undertaker, and so say all of us.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 17 May 11 - 09:33 PM

Here endeth (for now) my attempt to transcribe songs sung by Leslie Sarony. There are several more songs sung by The Two Leslies available at YouTube, but I listened to them all, and I didn't find them funny or interesting enough to warrant the effort to transcribe them.

Here are a few songs that I put in other threads. All of them were recorded by Leslie Sarony (or The Two Leslies) but not necessarily written by him:

C-O-N-S-T-A-N-T-I-N-O-P-L-E
DON'T BE CRUEL TO A VEGETABUEL
I'M A LITTLE PRAIRIE FLOWER
IN THE WOODSHED SHE SAID SHE WOULD
RHYMES
MORE RHYMES
WE'RE GONNA HANG OUT THE WASHING ON THE SIEGFRIED LINE

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: GUEST,ELLIS BERG
Date: 10 Jun 12 - 06:30 AM

PLEASE, DO YOU HAVE THE WORDS OF BUNKY DOODLE IDOH. IT WAS MY FAVOURITE RECORD WHEN I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD AND LIVED OVER THE GRAMOPHONE SHOP IN LAVENDER HILL, LONDON EIGHTY THREE YEARS AGO.

Subject: Lyr Add: BUNKEY-DOODLE-I-DOH (from Albert Whelan)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 06:10 PM

The University of Virginia has the sheet music. The following information is from their catalog:

BUNKEY-DOODLE-I-DOH
Written by Leslie Sarony
London: Lawrence Wright Music Co., ©1929

I couldn't find an online recording by Leslie Sarony. I transcribed the following lyrics from a recording by Albert Whelan found at YouTube:

There was a little soldier who was going off to war.
He said, "I know what I'll do when I hear the cannons roar."
The sergeant had him on parade; the soldier's not to blame.
He went and stuck his bayonet in the sergeant's what's-'er-name.

Bunkey-doodle-i-doh!
Sergeant McGinty busted.
Bunkey-doodle-i-doh!
Gather up all the beets.

He went to see 'em change the guard and said to Captain Squirt:
"You don't know how to change the guard; you couldn't change your shirt."
He saw a pretty lady 'ome; he'd just come from a dance.
A bulldog flew at him and bit a lump out of his pants.

Bunkey-doodle-i-doh!
He said, "It's getting draughty."
Bunkey-doodle-i-doh!
Where do we go from 'ere?

I sang this little ditty to the natives of Madrid.
I then sang "Put Me in My Little Bed" and so they did.

Bunkey-doodle-i-doh!
Somebody threw tomatoes.
Bunkey-doodle-i-doh!
Didn't remove the tin.

He said, "If I can't fight, I'll run;" his ruin was complete.
The enemy surrounded him and cut off his retreat.

Bunkey-doodle-i-doh!
When he got home to Blighty,
Bunkey-doodle-i-doh!
What did he tell his wife?

That soldier boy has had his day.
He's getting old and very grey.
He's just begun to fade away.
Old soldiers never die.

[There is also a recording by Jack Hylton and his Orchestra which seems to have a few more verses, but the recording was less distinct, so I didn't attempt to transcribe the lyrics.]

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: Long Firm Freddie
Date: 03 Jul 12 - 04:15 AM

Can't believe I missed this thread - Leslie Sarony and The Two Leslies are firm favourites of mine - thanks for all the lyrics, Jim!

Couple of tiny updates to Ain't Love Grand:

1st verse

Science has us guessing in a thousand diff'rent ways,

(Guessing rather than getting)


Last verse

Following year, there's another expected

(Year rather than here)

The video at the end of Jim's link has been taken down, but it's popped up again here:

Ain't Love Grand

Cheers

LFF

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: GUEST,Gerald Fnord
Date: 13 Oct 12 - 06:16 AM

'napoo' or 'napu': Great War slang for 'means nothing' or 'for naught', from the French '«il n'ya plus».'

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: GUEST,Val
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 06:06 AM

We had this record (shut the gate) whenI was little (75 now). Never could make out all the words so it's lovely to see them here. My sister and I used to sing 'shut the gate, bugger the gate' when our parents were out of earshot. We thought it was very naughty! Thank you. Happy memories.

Subject: Lyr Add: COOM PRETTY ONE (Leslie Sarony)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 31 Aug 16 - 05:29 PM

Reputedly written by Leslie Sarony, and recorded by him, but I couldn't find a copy of his recording, so I transcribed this one instead:


COOM PRETTY ONE
As recorded by Tommy Handley, 1934.

1. A little north-country girl next door to me
Every morn at her window I see.
Pieces of bread for the birdies she brings,
And as she feeds them she merrily sings:
"Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!
Coom in my garden and whistle and hum.
Coom to my window and pick up this crumb.
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"

2. A great big fat spider each morning I see,
Spinning his web just as fast as can be.
'Long comes a fly not too terribly wise.
Fat spider spies him and artfully cries:
"Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!
Coom in my parlour and don't look so glum.
I think that you'll make some nice chewing gum.
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"

3. One day I went cruising and landed in Spain.
A Spanish senora there drove me insane.
Her eyes full of passion—you know what I mean—
She said: "Kiss me just like they do on the screen.
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"
Her lover came up and cried: "Fee fie foe fum!"
He stuck his stiletto in my rum-tum-tum.
"Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"

4. One night at our party it spoiled ev'rything
When nobody there at the party could sing.
So I got our old Gorgonzola instead.
I lifted the cheese dish and sweetly I said:
"Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!
Before you go into the dustbin, old chum,
We know you're no crooner, but blimey, you hum!
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"

5. When I married sweet little Pansy in June,
She would take her mother on our honeymoon.
With her mum she went up to bed for a start.
I knocked at the door and I said: "Have a heart!
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!
We're on our honeymoon, Pansy, my plum.
Open the door, love, and chuck out your mum.
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"

6. One day in my bathing suit I looked a fool
With nothing but girls in the old swimming pool.
I stood on the edge, then a brazen young maid,
She pulled me right in and said: "Don't be afraid.
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"
The water was cold and I felt oh so numb.
A big fat girl said as she dived off my tum:
"Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one! Coom, coom, coom, coom!"

Coom, coom, coom, coom!
Coom, pretty one! Coom, pretty one!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs sung by Leslie Sarony
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 01 Sep 16 - 02:57 AM

Great thread, Jim.