Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes

Subject: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: poet
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 07:41 PM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'

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In My group I also Play The Bodhrain, and I hear 4 or 5 Jokes but there must be more. any ideas anyone?

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: John Wood
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 08:08 PM

This guy goes into a pub,dumps a large bag on the counter and orders a pint of Guiness.The barman,thinking this looked a bit suspicious,serves his drink and asks cautiously,``I hope you don't mind my asking sir,but what do have in the bag?´´.
``Oh,nothing much.Just 10pounds of dynamite and some fuses,´´
``Oh,thank God!I thought it was a bodhrán.....!!!!

Sorry couldn't resist it...
John.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 08:50 PM

PPoet, this maybe one of your 4 or 5 but I'll try:

Q Whats the difference between a chirpodist and a bodhran player?

A One bucks up the feet.

Jon (looking forward to some banjo jokes)

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: emeraldtiger
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 09:00 PM

What about ye for the most comprenhensive collection of Bodhran Note No i check out the following URL http://www.ceolas.org/instruments/bodhran/jokes.html I think youll find most if not all of them here

For example : What do you call a groupie who hangs around annoying session musicians? A bodhrán player.

Also Check out www.emeraldtiger.com

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: sophocleese
Date: 20 Sep 99 - 09:06 PM

What should you use to play the bodhran?

Razor blades.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Ted from Australia
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 02:56 AM

Guy walks into shop.
"I'd like a set of nylon guitar strings please"

Prop. "You're a bloody Bodhran player arn't you?"

Guy "How did you know?"

Prop. "This is a buthers shop"

How do you know there's a Bodrhan player knocking on your door?

He speed up.

Regards Ted

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Lady McMoo
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 03:10 AM

This is probably a very old and well-known one but here goes:

A banjo player buys a new and very expensive banjo and is driving home with it on the back seat of his car. He has to stop for literally two minutes at another shop but worries that someone will steal his new pride and joy. Thinking that he'll be very quick he decides to take a chance, locks the banjo inside the car and disappears.

Two minutes later he reappears and, you've guessed it, the window is broken and...

There are two banjos on the back seat!

mcmoo

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: bill\sables
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 08:44 AM

How do you know that there is a bodhrain player at your door? He keeps knocking but doesn't know when to come in.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Easy Rider
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 10:05 AM

A GENTLEMAN is a man who can play the banjo

BUT DOESN'T

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From:
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 05:47 PM

what's the difference between a terrorist and a banjo player? you can negotiate with a terrorist

what's the difference between a banjo jam session and a train wreck? there are ususally survivors in a train wreck.

what's the difference between a trampoline and a banjo? most people take their shoes off tp jump on a trampoline -----and------- there is nothing I like better than the skirl of the bagpipes unless,... it's the sound of a chicken caught in a vacume cleaner

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: unclenort
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 05:59 PM

whats the difference between a banjo and a chainsaw? the chainsaw has more dynamic range.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: PD
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 06:01 PM

What do you call a banjo player that doesn't have a girl friend? HOMELESS! What's the difference between a a banjo and an onion? Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo! How many banjo players does it take to turn an a light? Two- one to flip the switch and one to say "Earl wouldn't have done it like that!" One banjo player in a jam is too many!

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: PD
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 06:05 PM

and you can tune a chainsaw!

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 06:31 PM

here's a LINK to an older thread, Banjo Jokes, Let the Dueling Begin.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Angus McSweeney
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 06:58 PM

Sitting in a Song Circle once a fellow pulled out his capo and put it on the first fret. When I asked him if it was really important to capo one fret he looked me in the eye and said "That's my banjo stopper". Luckily, I was playing my old Martin. (Was meant for the fellow two chairs down.)

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: kendall morse (don't use)
Date: 21 Sep 99 - 08:13 PM

the height of optomism.. a banjo player with a beeper.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Len Wallace
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 12:54 AM

Heard this one from Rick Fielding years ago:

Why do banjo players leave their banjos on the dashboard of their cars?

So they can park in handicap parking spaces.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Len Wallace
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 12:56 AM

What is the definition of perfect pitch?

That's the sound an accordion makes as it hits a banjo on the way to the dumpster.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 01:16 AM

OK, I asked for it (and enjoyed it really) but I have decided that us poor banjo players are far too easy a target.

How about some bowed psaltrey player jokes?

Jon

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Jeremiah McCaw
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 03:03 AM

How can you tell that the drummer locked his keys in his car?


'Cause he had to smash the window to let the bass player out.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Davey
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 03:08 PM

A Bodhran player, tired of all the jokes being made about him all the time, decides to learn to play something else. He walks into a store and says to the clerk, "I'd like to buy those red bagpipes there, and that accordion behind you." The clerk looks around behind him, thinks for a moment, then replies, "I can sell you the fire extinguisher, but the radiator has to stay here."

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Lorne Brown
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 04:26 PM

What's the least used phrase in the English language?

There goes a banjo player in his Mercedes.

Lorne Brown

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 04:49 PM

Quite right Lorne - We drive Rolls Royces!

(I wish)

Jon

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: The Burren Ranger
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 05:01 PM

Q Whats the difference between a drummer and a drum-machine? A. You only have to punch in the information into a drum-machine once!

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: paddymac
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 07:26 PM

Have you ever noticed that most bohdran players are male? Some speculate it's because they're more experienced with that wrist motion. (Ok, OK. Jesus, don't get yer tippers in an uproar. It's not original, just funny)

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Bev Lawton
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 07:54 PM

A guy walks into a bar and announces " Hey, I got a great new banjo joke!" The bartender says "Let me stop you right there son. You see that karate black belt hangin' up behind the bar? That's mine. And I play the banjo. See that mean lookin' feller in the Harley t-shirt. That's my brother - and HE plays the banjo. And that big ugly old guy in the corner with the big scar across his face? That's my Pa - and he plays the banjo. NOW, are you sure you wanna tell that banjo joke in here?"

"Well, no. Not if I'm gonna hafta EXPLAIN it three times!"

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Scott
Date: 22 Sep 99 - 07:57 PM

What's the difference between a banjo and an Uzi? The Uzi stops after rounds.

What's the difference between a banjo and kindling? A match.

Slainte

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BODHRAN SONG (Brian O'Rourke)
From: MudGuard
Date: 24 Sep 99 - 01:41 AM

Not exactly a joke, but a funny Bodhrán song:

The Bodhrán Song

Oh I am a year old kid
I'm worth scarcely fifteen quid.
I'm the kind of beast you might well look down on
But my value will increase
At the time of my decease
For when I grow up I want to be a bodhrán.

If you kill me for my meat
You won't find me very sweet.
Your palate I'm afraid I'll soon turn sour on.
Ah but if you do me in
For the sake of my thick skin
You'll find I make a tasty little bodhrán.

Now my parents Bill and Nan,
They do not approve my plan
To become a yoke for every yob to pound on
Ah but I would sooner scamper
With a bang than with a whimper
And achieve reincarnation as a bodhrán.

I look forward to the day
When I leave off eating hay
And become a drum to entertain a crowd on
And I'll make my presence felt
With each well-delivered belt
As a fully qualified and licensed bodhrán.

And 'tis when I'm killed and cured
My career will be assured
I'll be a skin you'll see no scum nor scour on
But with studs around my rim
I'll be sound in wind and limb
And I'll make a dandy, handy little bodhrán.

Oh my heart with joy expands
When I dream of far-off lands
And consider all the streets that I will sound on
And I pity my poor ma
Who has never seen a Fleadh
Or indulged in foreign travel as a bodhrán.

For a hornpipe or a reel
A dead donkey has no feel
Or a horse or cow or sheep that has its shroud on
And you can't join in a jig
If you're a former grade A pig
But you can wallop out the lot if you're a bodhrán.

So if e'er you're feeling low
To a session you should go
And bring me there to exercise an hour on.
You can strike a mighty thump
On my belly, back or rump
But I thank you if you'd wait till I'm a bodhrán.

When I dedicate my hide,
I'll enhance the family pride
And tradition is a thing I won't fall down on
For I'll bear a few young bucks
Who'll inherit my good looks
And be proud to know their old one is a bodhrán.

And I don't think I'll much mind
When I've left himself behind
For the critter can no longer turn the power on
For with a celtic ink design
Tattooed on my behind
I can be a very sexy little bodhrán

Now I think you've had enough
Of this rubbishy old guff
So I'll put a sudden end to my wee amhrán
And quite soon my bloody bleat
Will become a steady beat
When I start my new existence as a bodhrán.

^^

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: sapper_re
Date: 24 Sep 99 - 04:02 AM

Well, regarding paddymac's comment about wrist action, one of the best riddle drum players I've ever seen was a rather good looking woman. The way she played the thing though should have been X-rated!!! She didn't so much play it as gently seduce it!!!! Bob

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: paddymac
Date: 24 Sep 99 - 04:06 AM

You're right, MudGuard, it's a great song. I did it a while back for a Comhaltas group visiting from Ireland. After the number, one of the ladies in the group who knew the song from hearing it's author do it at home came up and thanked me, and said she was suprised anybody on our side of the pond knew it. I guess it is a bit obscure, but I enjoy it anyway.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Pete Peterson
Date: 24 Sep 99 - 11:06 AM

I always thought "bodhran" was pronounced "boron", as in element #5, but to make that song make sense it has to be pronounced "bar--rawn". Help me Please? PETE

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: poet
Date: 25 Sep 99 - 06:48 PM

Hey Mudguard what a great little songthats going into my songbook.
pete peterson the word is pronounced differently according to the area in Ireland you come from but the song uses the softer southern irish Bow (ships front)-ron. being a yorkshireman (exiled)i usually pronounce it Bow(& arrow)-drain.

thanks for the jokes and the links.

Graham(Guernsey)

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: cdkrueger
Date: 25 Sep 99 - 11:52 PM

I laughed myself silly at the Bodhrain Song. Whatever is the tune? As for the instrument jokes...I think you could take most of the lawyer jokes and substitute the instrument or player of your choice. Example: What do you call 3 accordians at the bottome of the ocian? A good start... Thanks for making my evening so much brighter... Cassie

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: sophocleese
Date: 26 Sep 99 - 12:50 AM

Is a bodhran player a musician?

Are barnacles ships?

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: MudGuard
Date: 26 Sep 99 - 04:13 AM

I can't give you the tune, sorry.
I have the song on a CD, but I don't have the equipment (sound card) in my PC to get a .WAV or other sound file.
And my musical abilities are confined to listening and enjoying...

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: wildlone
Date: 26 Sep 99 - 07:37 AM

not a joke but Bowed psalterys make realy good veg and egg slicers, can any one tell me how to get the slices out of the little hole.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: sophocleese
Date: 26 Sep 99 - 11:05 AM

Tweezers?

Could you cut a small door in the back?

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Auxiris
Date: 27 Sep 99 - 07:06 AM

Q: What do you do with a dead banjo player? A: Skin him(her) and make a bodhran out of him(her)!

Q: What's the difference between a dead banjo player and a dead hedgehog lying in the road? A: There's skid marks in front of the hedgehog. . .

Many thanks to everyone for THEIR banjo and/or bodhran jokes.

Auxiris

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: GUEST,Oracle
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 08:31 AM

What does a banjo player have in common with a SCUD missile?
...Both are inaccurate and offensive


(The Oracle of the Banjo)

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: muppett
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 08:41 AM

Who knows the song about 15 morans playing Bodhrains

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Leadfingers
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 09:48 AM

PERFECT Pitch is 'The banjo in the skip at fifty paces ON TOP of the Bodhran

ABSOLUTE Pitch is the banjo plus PLAYER as above

RELATIVE Pitch is Banjo plus player plus his Brother as above .

ADDENDUM to Easy Rider's - A Gentleman is someone who takes a Banjo to a session and DOESNT Play it -- A Bastard is someone who takes a banjo to a session and lends it to someone else .

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: PennyBlack
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 01:48 PM

Why was the Bodhran invented? to give Banjo Player's something to laugh at.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: GUEST,Maurice
Date: 15 Sep 04 - 03:46 PM

Here in Ireland it's usually pronounced "Bow-rawn", bow as rhyming with "now". Sometimes they're made out of greyhound skin, in which case it's a bow-wow-rawn...

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 01:10 AM

I had heard the banjo joke this way:
How do you define perfect pitch? When you throw a banjo into a dumpster without hitting the sides. (Is there a different word for "dumpster" in England?)

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 02:03 PM

Why are Bodhrain jokes so simple?

So that they can be understood by people who sing unaccompanied.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 07:56 PM

A man knocks on the door of a big detached house in Surrey, and when the householder asks him what he wants, he says "I'm trying to raise £200 to pay the fare of a young musician who has won a scholarship to the New York Conservatory of Music. The householder says "What instrument does he play?" "The banjo," comes the reply. The householder says "O.K. wait there." Two minutes later he returns and hands over a cheque. Looking at it, the young man says "This is for £1000. The householder says "I know, send four more with him."

Don T(with tongue firmly in cheek, 'cos I like a WELL PLAYED banjo)

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 08:04 PM

Guest,

Yes, in England Dumpsters are, for reasons unknown, called Skips. This is synonymous with Skoda cars.

Don T.

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Franz S.
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 08:18 PM

Yeah, but the 5-string banjo is the only truly American instument. In line with our current foreign policy, we will eventually outlaw al foreign musical instruments and everyone will HAVE to play banjos. And then I'll be rich!

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Tannywheeler
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 05:11 PM

Albert Alfonso in Dallas should be able to give you more great bodhran jokes than you ever dreamed imaginable. I'm not sure how to reach him, but he's good.
How many bodhran players does it take to put on a condom?? Oh, wait -- I have to be really drunk to tell this one....    Tw

Subject: RE: Help: Bodhrain/Drummer/Banjo Jokes
From: Bernard
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 06:39 PM

Difference between yogurt and a bodhran player?

The yogurt has developed a culture...