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BS: Things ya just don't do...

gnu 20 Aug 11 - 03:47 PM
Q (Frank Staplin) 20 Aug 11 - 03:58 PM
SINSULL 20 Aug 11 - 04:18 PM
gnu 20 Aug 11 - 04:22 PM
Smokey. 20 Aug 11 - 04:35 PM
bobad 20 Aug 11 - 04:46 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Aug 11 - 04:48 PM
bobad 20 Aug 11 - 04:51 PM
GUEST,Eliza 20 Aug 11 - 04:53 PM
DrugCrazed 20 Aug 11 - 04:56 PM
GUEST,Jon 20 Aug 11 - 04:56 PM
gnu 20 Aug 11 - 04:58 PM
Smokey. 20 Aug 11 - 04:58 PM
gnu 20 Aug 11 - 05:01 PM
DrugCrazed 20 Aug 11 - 05:02 PM
Smokey. 20 Aug 11 - 05:05 PM
GUEST,Eliza 20 Aug 11 - 05:06 PM
olddude 20 Aug 11 - 05:07 PM
DrugCrazed 20 Aug 11 - 05:13 PM
olddude 20 Aug 11 - 05:15 PM
Smokey. 20 Aug 11 - 05:25 PM
kendall 20 Aug 11 - 08:26 PM
gnu 20 Aug 11 - 08:51 PM
Ed T 20 Aug 11 - 09:34 PM
GUEST,999 20 Aug 11 - 09:53 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 11 - 09:53 PM
Smokey. 20 Aug 11 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 11 - 11:40 PM
Sandra in Sydney 21 Aug 11 - 09:15 AM
Ed T 21 Aug 11 - 09:24 AM
Micca 21 Aug 11 - 09:26 AM
MarkS 21 Aug 11 - 10:24 AM
GUEST,999 21 Aug 11 - 10:31 AM
Midchuck 21 Aug 11 - 10:58 AM
beeliner 21 Aug 11 - 12:41 PM
olddude 21 Aug 11 - 01:54 PM
olddude 21 Aug 11 - 02:00 PM
olddude 21 Aug 11 - 02:09 PM
olddude 21 Aug 11 - 02:13 PM
olddude 21 Aug 11 - 02:20 PM
olddude 21 Aug 11 - 02:25 PM
gnu 21 Aug 11 - 02:33 PM
GUEST,Eliza 21 Aug 11 - 04:10 PM
Bonnie Shaljean 21 Aug 11 - 06:22 PM
Ed T 21 Aug 11 - 06:58 PM
GUEST,leeneia 21 Aug 11 - 10:59 PM
Uncle Phil 21 Aug 11 - 11:35 PM
Smokey. 21 Aug 11 - 11:47 PM
Genie 22 Aug 11 - 01:53 AM
Genie 22 Aug 11 - 01:55 AM
Gurney 22 Aug 11 - 02:12 AM
Musket 22 Aug 11 - 03:43 AM
Ed T 22 Aug 11 - 06:13 AM
Nigel Parsons 22 Aug 11 - 07:41 AM
GUEST,Patsy 22 Aug 11 - 08:21 AM
olddude 22 Aug 11 - 08:57 AM
Bonnie Shaljean 22 Aug 11 - 09:30 AM
Big Al Whittle 22 Aug 11 - 09:38 AM
olddude 22 Aug 11 - 09:49 AM
Smokey. 22 Aug 11 - 11:18 AM
Desert Dancer 22 Aug 11 - 12:00 PM
olddude 22 Aug 11 - 08:55 PM
gnu 09 Sep 11 - 04:28 PM
ClaireBear 09 Sep 11 - 04:43 PM
Bill D 09 Sep 11 - 05:24 PM
Bill D 09 Sep 11 - 05:29 PM
Don Firth 09 Sep 11 - 08:24 PM
Bill D 09 Sep 11 - 08:33 PM
Bill D 09 Sep 11 - 08:37 PM
maeve 09 Sep 11 - 08:41 PM
Don Firth 09 Sep 11 - 09:09 PM
Sandra in Sydney 09 Sep 11 - 09:19 PM
Bill D 10 Sep 11 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 10 Sep 11 - 11:48 AM
Mrrzy 10 Sep 11 - 12:16 PM
gnu 10 Sep 11 - 04:18 PM
Gurney 10 Sep 11 - 06:03 PM
gnu 10 Sep 11 - 06:35 PM
Gurney 11 Sep 11 - 03:10 PM
frogprince 12 Sep 11 - 12:10 AM
Donuel 12 Sep 11 - 12:49 PM
gnu 12 Sep 11 - 02:13 PM
Fossil 13 Sep 11 - 06:46 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 14 Sep 11 - 03:43 AM
Mrrzy 14 Sep 11 - 12:30 PM
ollaimh 14 Sep 11 - 11:28 PM

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Subject: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 03:47 PM

... like putting yer watch on yer wrist while having a pee. Well, that may apply just to males, near as I know.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 03:58 PM

Washing hair with hearing aid on.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:18 PM

Roller skating in a buffalo herd?????


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:22 PM

Buffalos SINS? Love that song!


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:35 PM

I don't sing and I don't dance. The world should be grateful.

(that was a deliberate misunderstanding)

Never make love with a Boxer dog in the room - that's my advice.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: bobad
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:46 PM

I wouldn't make love with a boxer dog anywhere, but that's just me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:48 PM

Actually, it's ill advised for men to attempt to do anything while having a pee, unless one is nude and peeing in the woods. Then, there's no toilet bowl to aim at and no clothes to get pee on so it's kinda hard to screw it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: bobad
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:51 PM

Funny pee video since we're on the subject.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:53 PM

Nude in the woods, not a good idea if there are mosquitoes about...


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: DrugCrazed
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:56 PM

Voice of experience there Eliza?


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,Jon
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:56 PM

Put the coffee jar in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:58 PM

Oh... minds me... no matter how much ya shake and dance, the last few drops go down yer pants.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 04:58 PM

I wouldn't make love with a boxer dog anywhere, but that's just me.

So imagine a circumstance where you were given no choice. It was quite a while before I appreciated the funny side of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:01 PM

Nude in the woods... ya know... I spent a LOT of time in the fly infested bog country of Kent County, New Brunswick and I never ever got a fly bite on my dick. Professional courtesy from the little pricks?


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: DrugCrazed
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:02 PM

"Sorry sir, but if you don't make love with this boxer dog soon, the nuclear warheads will go off."
"Why don't you do it?"
"QUICK! There's no time!"

If that doesn't give you performance anxiety, nothing will.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:05 PM

You too, Drug Crazed?


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:06 PM

gnu, I believe biting insects are more attracted to some people than others. I absolutely hate having to wee in the countryside, I always get bitten on my bum when crouching down!


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:07 PM

Ok so I took a meatloaf out of the oven one day. Put the oven mitt on my hand and opened the oven door with it ... Then reached in with my bare hand to take out the hot pan ... LOL

Ya just don't do that one either ... ouch


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: DrugCrazed
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:13 PM

How'd you know Smokey?


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:15 PM

Tell the girl behind the counter "congrats when is the baby due"
and she answers "I am not pregnant"

no place to hide


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 05:25 PM

How'd you know Smokey?

Not sure what you're asking, DC..


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: kendall
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 08:26 PM

Step on Superman's cape or tell the truth when your wife asks you if

you think she's fat.

I dated a woman for a while and one night she said, "I don't know what you see in me; I'm old and fat."
All I said was "You're not old" Never saw he again.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 08:51 PM

Kendall.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Ed T
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:34 PM

When he brings home the bacon,
and frys it, naked, in a pan.
He's reminded that he's a big man.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,999
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:53 PM

"Things ya just don't do..."

Ya really don't do this. From 'the man'.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 09:53 PM

Sneak up behind a grizzly bear, goose him or grab his balls (with a grip of iron), and yell "Surprise!" or "Gotcha!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 10:47 PM

Juggle tripe.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 11 - 11:40 PM

1. Look down the barrel to see if it's loaded.
2. Pull the blade through your hand to see if it's sharp.
3. Assume she's over 18.
4. Assume that because she's over 18 her daddy won't use that shotgun.
5. Tune someone else's guitar, banjo, or whatever without being asked.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 09:15 AM

screw the lid on a big jar of bright red pickled Asian vegetables by holding onto the lid & letting go of the jar - very messy to clothing & floor


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 09:24 AM

6. Tune someone else's wife, girlfriend, partner, or whatever, without being asked.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Micca
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 09:26 AM

Pick up the phone the 10th time it has rung in about 40 minutes expecting it to be the same dumbass that called the previous 9 times to ask a stupid question and say "F*** off stupid,read the F***ing Manual" to find its your Mother-in-Law (Happened to a colleague)


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: MarkS
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:24 AM

Tug on Supermans cape
Spit into the wind
Pull the mask on the old Long Ranger, and,
Don't mess around with Jim!

(Got some music into it!)


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,999
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:31 AM

That's from the song I linked to in my last post. Great minds . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Midchuck
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:58 AM

I absolutely hate having to wee in the countryside, I always get bitten on my bum when crouching down!

Just by bugs?

P.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: beeliner
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 12:41 PM

Perform "Marching Through Georgia" in Georgia.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 01:54 PM

Send back the steak dinner at a resturant, and call the cook a dumb ass. You will get it back alright


Fart in church while sitting next to a Nun


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:00 PM

Rent the movie Blazing Saddles by Mel Brooks
then walk the lower east side repeating all the lines


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:09 PM

When your wife says she has to go change and you reply
"Change into Cindy Crawford while you are at it"


That's bad also


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:13 PM

When arguing with your wife never say
Looks like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this morning!


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:20 PM

Call Michael Jackson's doctor when your having trouble sleepin

Make children with Mel Gibson


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:25 PM

Tell a police officer when you are pulled over

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 02:33 PM

Crank up the dehumidifier.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 04:10 PM

Midchuck, LOL!


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 06:22 PM

[This really happened] Get into an argument with your photographer boyfriend in a pub in an unfamiliar part of town over whether The Cottingley Fairies were genuine or not, which becomes increasingly rancorous, with voices rising in volume, until you say at the top of yours, Well I don't think they're fairies.

Then you notice how quiet it is in there.

Then you see that you've wandered into a gay pub.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 06:58 PM

Waltz across Texas.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:59 PM

Here's a practical one. One day I was making bread in the breadmaker. This involves putting water, salt, sugar, butter and flour in a tall, thin, pan that you insert into the box.

One day it occurred to me that if that tall, thin thing tipped over, I would have a colossal mess in my kitchen.

So don't fill one of those without putting it in a large bowl or pan to keep it from tipping over.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Uncle Phil
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 11:35 PM

Walk down stairs wearing spurs.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 11:47 PM

I once saw, in a folk club, a fire eating morris dancer set fire to his beard. Arthur Brown, eat yer heart out. Just to clarify, he wasn't dancing at the time, but it's the thought that counts.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Genie
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 01:53 AM

Good ones, Rapparee !
[[1. Look down the barrel to see if it's loaded.
2. Pull the blade through your hand to see if it's sharp.
3. Assume she's over 18.
4. Assume that because she's over 18 her daddy won't use that shotgun.
5. Tune someone else's guitar, banjo, or whatever without being asked.]]


A. Say to a bluegrass banjo player, "This is in the key of E flat."

B. Hold your breath while the banjo players tune.

C. Request "Danny Boy" or "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling" in an Irish pub.

D. Throw in an augmented 9th in a bluegrass jam.

E. Leave a bottle of homemade beer or wine on the back porch on a sunny summer day.

F. Run your thumb down the surface of an iron to see if it's on. (I did that - ONCE - when I was seven.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Genie
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 01:55 AM

Old dude, another thing you NEVER say to an officer who's pulled you over on suspicion of DUI:

"Really, officer, those things you're asking me to do -- I can't even do them when I'm SOBER!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Gurney
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 02:12 AM

When you share a forklift truck with someone who handles caustics, a man learns to wash his hands BEFORE he pees.

Not just after.


Report raids on your dope plantation to the police. Someone here did. I don't think his parents were breeding for intelligence.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Musket
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 03:43 AM

Never buy a flat screen telly off a bloke in the street.

Who's out of breath.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Ed T
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 06:13 AM

Confuse your rectal thermometer with your oral one.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 07:41 AM

When you share a forklift truck with someone who handles caustics, a man learns to wash his hands BEFORE he pees.

Not just after.


I always wash my hands before. I don't want to get my pride & joy dirty!

As to washing then after there's the apocryphal toilet (washroom) conversation.
1st man (on seeing another zip up his fly & head for the door): "My mother taught me to wash my hands after using the toilet.
2nd man: "My father taught me not to pee on my fingers!"


Cheers
Nigel


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 08:21 AM

Never ever criticise my mother's cooking within earshot.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 08:57 AM

Once in the woods, nature called and I leaned up against a tree ..
it was covered in poison ivy .. boy if that doesn't make an arse outta ya .. LOL

itched and burned like fire for a week


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 09:30 AM

Gives new meaning to the words in Waly Waly

I leaned my back against an oak
Thinking it was a trusty tree . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 09:38 AM

a fire eating morris dancer with a beard....that is such a pleasing image.

Great name for a band

the fire eating bearded morris dancers!


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 09:49 AM

And I know better Bonnie I just didn't look first. Boy did my missus give me the old teasing job for that bone head move. Ouch


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Smokey.
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 11:18 AM

Al, I think it was the hardest act I've ever had to follow.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 12:00 PM

Bonnie Shaljean - thanks for the morning laugh! (from your 6:22PM post yesterday)

~ Becky in Tucson


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: olddude
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 08:55 PM

Have sex with a beautiful woman in the Jungle where there are land leeches .. far worse than the skeeters. Ahem or so I been told


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 04:28 PM

Have a few ales, paint the garage door, wait to piss until yer back teeth are floatin, rush to the can and... well you get the picture. Now, rubbin latex paint off yer hands is one thing but...


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: ClaireBear
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 04:43 PM

Mince several extremely hot chiles finely, for use in Thai food, and then make the aforementioned quick dash to the loo. A dignified, reserved male friend of mine did this once. Then, about 15 minutes later as we were all sitting down to dinner, he turned the most astonighing color and very calmly and politely proceeded to ask if he could take a quick shower. No further detail was forthcoming.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 05:24 PM

"Tune someone else's guitar, banjo, or whatever without being asked."

While the owner is playing, and without him knowing!...unless you are the coolest, cleverest, most delicate guy ever...with an uncanny ear.
I watched it being done once. Careful watching after 5 min. of wincing at an out-of-tune string, then a quick 'tweak'...and a knowing smile at me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 05:29 PM

Oh...that retuning trick? it was done to Roy Book Binder


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Don Firth
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 08:24 PM

Cowboy wisdom: Never squat with your spurs on.

Knew a guy once who said he'd had a hemmoroid operation and the doctor gave him some salve to use after he relieved himself. Got the call of nature late one night (woke him up) and after doing his business, in his bleary-eyed state, he reached behind him for the tube of salve that he'd left on the top of the toilet tank.

Got the Ben-Gay by mistake.

Woke up real fast!!

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 08:33 PM

Ooooh...that's worse than getting the Brylcreem when you wanted tooth paste! (I uhh...was only 12)


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 08:37 PM

"Things ya just don't do..."

Post anything you WANT read on Mudcat after about 6-7PM on a Friday.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: maeve
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 08:41 PM

Oops! I wasn't supposed to read that, Bill? Oh dear.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Don Firth
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 09:09 PM

Yeah, I blew it too!

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 09 Sep 11 - 09:19 PM

many, many decades back my dad reached for the eye drops in the dark & picked up the iodine instead


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Sep 11 - 11:28 AM

**IGNORE THIS NOTICE**


(If you have already inadvertently paid attention to the above notice, you may compensate by disregarding this addendum.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 11 - 11:48 AM

Say, "Reno, you attack down this bluff and across the river. I'll take my troop and work around to the side. Benteen has the extra ammo. And don't worry, the scouts have been wrong before. There are very few Indians down there."


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 10 Sep 11 - 12:16 PM

OK, here are some fun ones, all personally experienced from one side or the other:

Forgetting to wash your hands really really well after eating very hot wings and before having sex, ouch ouch and whoa is that an interesting burn....

Telling the cop pulling you over that you're sure you have your license somewhere because you do remember the last cop who pulled you over giving it back...

Yelling at the cop who pulled you over that you weren't even going as fast as you were going to be going!

Telling the cop pulling you over that your tags can't be expired, you just got pulled over yesterday and the other cop didn't say anything about it...


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 10 Sep 11 - 04:18 PM

Thread drift... one night I had to walk a straight line and I spun a little off in my "Civil War Boots", which which were in style back then, when the cop said "TURN AROUND!". After the touch yer nose with yer index fingers he asked me to place my hands by my sides, close my eyes and tilt my head back I did so and was perfectly still for what I thought was long enough and then brought my head forward, opened my eyes and asked, "How long do you want me to do this?"

He said, "You're right on the edge. How far are you going?" I replied that I was going to her (in the car) place and, hopefully, parking the car for the night. He asked the address and I gave it to him while "she" was laughing profusely. He said, "Okay. We'll be right behind you."

When we arrived I walked her to the door and she invited me up for a cup of coffee. As I was going in the door, I, and the cop, gave each other the thumbs up and a big smile. I married that girl.

The $800 DUI fine woulda been a lot cheaper and caused a lot less trouble.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Gurney
Date: 10 Sep 11 - 06:03 PM

Try to dry out damp chilli-powder in the microwave.

This is not comedy. Burning chilli fumes are unbreathable.

I promise you.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 10 Sep 11 - 06:35 PM

Gurney... I think you among the top five don'ts with that one. Ouch!


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Gurney
Date: 11 Sep 11 - 03:10 PM

Yeah, Gnu. If you were upstairs, you wouldn't make it. I did the 'manly' thing and waited until my family was out, and I almost didn't.

Quite a sight to see cats going through the cat-door at a full-on run, not to return for a full 24.

I believe that chilli has now been weaponised. Don't understand why they needed to bother!


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: frogprince
Date: 12 Sep 11 - 12:10 AM

Eat at Barbeque Express in Barstow, California. We were there about 10 days ago. I ordered the BBQ pork plate. The "pork" was cut in nice cubes; almost half of them were pure pork fat, and the rest were mostly half meat and half fat. It came with vegetables: mostly boiled cabbage and some brocolli that was spotted brown with stems fibrous as twigs. I've had two restaurant meals in my life that stand out as abominable, and that was one of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Sep 11 - 12:49 PM

Do not answer any provocative open ended question posed by a rookie policeman itching for an arguement such as "you know that is against the law? I could have you arrested!".

One would preferrably say "Forgive me, I knew not of what I've done, oh lambs of mercy sakes I feel terrible. Oh lord what will become of me?"




I foolishly answered "I have learned over my sixty years that anytime a policman detains you, whatever they say is the law, IS THE LAw, A judge however determines justice under the law."

The reason he said I was pulled over was due to my distracting license plate that created a lack of visibility.
In bold letters around the plate is the phrase "Tax the filthy rich"
I had also placed two three inch colored circles on each side of the plate that could create a subliminal message of an official vehicle, which I have found has significantly slowed down passing traffic. These red and blue plastic circles irked the young officer to distraction. "Are these lights? ect."
On the driver door is a foot wide diameter decal of the Star Trek Federation of Planets, which also has a subliminal effect of authority at a distance. Set in the front grill is a peace sign.

I was detained an hour while back up arrived and three additional charges were written up. I was told I could be arrested since I forgot to renew my license the previous month and since
my registration had glued itself inside a pocket in my wallet, I was unable to present it when ordered. OF course I found it the minute I got home. That is a failure to present authorization on demand and amounts to a criminal act subject to arrest and my car beomg impounded. An hour later I was released but followed to my destination of the notorius Giant Grocery Store on Rockville Pike.

My county has announced a zero tolerence program in the Gazette for any moving violation of both pedestrians and vehicles, probably because the State is broke and is using the police to collect any and all fines possible.


As a result of this crime spree I have now received nearly twenty letters from criminal lawyers looking for business since the ticket carries a criminal offense status on the internet, I have not yet recieved a court date but if I miss it, I am subject to arrest.
The words 'zero tolerence' rolls off the tongues of many people like they are saying 'family values' or 'real patriots'. I hear something quite different.
Tolerence, diversity, social justice or even decrying torture as a sin have all become controversial subversive subjects in the America I have seen over the last 10 years.

Even if all charges are dropped, the court fees are $80 last time I checked. The State has spent more than that on this matter already in man hours and gas alone so they are going to need at least 300 bucks to make a profit, which will be about the same fine as not buying health insurance on time.

Happy entrails,
the new Outlaw Donuel Jones

http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/don/100_9037.jpg



http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/100_9041.jpg



http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/don/100_9036.jpg


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: gnu
Date: 12 Sep 11 - 02:13 PM

Yer nuts! LOVE it! >:-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Fossil
Date: 13 Sep 11 - 06:46 AM

Things not to do on yachts:

1) If moving, take a leak off the high side (i.e. into wind).

2) If stationary, take a leak off anywhere without a hand-hold.

Remember, water police have a neat acronym for some of the items they find in the drink: "OFS" (= "Open Flies Syndrome" = drunk, taking a leak, no hand-hold, fell in).

Mind you, I come from a generation where taking a leak off a boat was what you did. These days, in many areas, even if you survive the experience, you are likely to be hit with a hefty fine for violating the purity of the local water!


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 14 Sep 11 - 03:43 AM

Shave your head with a cheese grater, while chewing tin foil!

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 Sep 11 - 12:30 PM

Yikes, chewing tin foil at all.

Forgetting to take all the little bits of tin foil off your melty piece of gum from your pocket... I remember that.

I need me one of them Federation stickers!


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Subject: RE: BS: Things ya just don't do...
From: ollaimh
Date: 14 Sep 11 - 11:28 PM

don't join a religion that off3ers a better reincarnation after you drink the coolaid

don't mess with grizzly bears at all--when i lived near them i was glad my house mate raised malamutes and we had fifteen or twenty dogs at a time--and don't go cross country skiing with fifteen or twenty malamutes!

don't take yer favourite guitar to a beach party

at my age drinking trquilla is a big don't.

don't take the ferry from spain to morocco with a few thousand spamish soldiers. they are land lubbers and hundreds puking over the rails at a time is not a pretty picture. and they don't know about wind direction!

don't wake up in the morning and stroke your guitar and say "my true love" when sharing the bed with a woman you love.

don't expect reason from human beings


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