What is the worst song you ever heard?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 04:51 PM

GUEST Shlio: Your problem is that you imagine her with the bikini ON. Imagine her with the bikini off, and listening to Shatner's "Greatest Hits." Your worries about the song will fade away in sexual bliss. Bliss, I tell you.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 05:02 PM

Little Hawk, I have heard it sung in German. What's worse is that I understand that language. Believe me, it was no reason to develop a greater love for either the "song" or the German language. I think that the appalling song about sitting in the back seat was called "Seven Little Girls". Trust you to remind me of something I would rather have forgotten... If either you or Brucie really does put that Star Trek has been up to that prank, believe me, terrible things will happen. I know not yet just what they will be, but they shall be called the terrors of the earth! (Unquote, misquote).

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter Woodruff
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 06:53 PM

I still stand by my first denuciation in another thread. McArthur's Park has to be the worst song anyone has had to melt in a park to.

woody

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter Woodruff
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 06:56 PM

Tincap you got it right!

woody

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: JennyO
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 08:55 PM

I vaguely remember a thing called "5 minute love affair". It was sort of spoken by someone with a deep and mournful voice, and accompanied by a twangy guitar backing.

I don't remember most of the words, but towards the end there were these fragments that I remember -

After she had taken me for all that *****
She left me **** *** ********, and smouldering all alone
*****************************************

and the final punchline -

You think I have no feelings, cos I'm just a cigarette.

Anyone else remember more of this?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,tony
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 11:00 AM

MY Ding-a-ling -By Chuck Berry and " Don"t Worry, Be Happy.
Those 2 are a hundred times worse than " We built this City " by the Starship

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: KateG
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 12:16 PM

"They're coming to take me away, ha ha, he he..."

Aged 14 or thereabouts we used to listen to this incessantly till Star Trek came on. I surprised that none of my girlfriends or I were the subject of well-deserved infanticide.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 12:37 PM

FFEEEEEEELLLLINGGGGSSSSS whoa whoa whoa FFFEEEELLLLIIINNGGSSSSS
Has to be the worst
BUT
I did remember another piece of crap from around the same time.

"Here I Stand"
The bride is in love with the best man but doesn't want the groom to know. The best man knows but also doesn't want the groom to know. AND the groom knows.

"Here I stand
His ring is on my hand
But he's second best in my heart
He loves me so
Oh Lord don't let him know
That I'm only playing a part."

Great message for the under fourteen crowd. No wonder 50% of all marriages fail.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: belter
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 05:30 PM

I think maybe the worst song I ever heard was the theam song to a short lived action sit com staring Bruce Camble (I forget the name of the sitcom) as a revelutionary war hero sent on a diplomatic mision to some obscure corner of the world to get rid of him(wise of them). The song murdered the tune to "the Battle of New Orleans"

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 06:56 PM

I wouldn't be willing to pay enough attention to the mechnanized tantrums that come out of the loudspeakers these days to *rank* them; but of the songs that are actually sung & enjoyed by people I know & like, I think "Harriet Tubman" by Walter Robinson takes the prize. It contains no information about its subject; instead we get unimaginable imagery (a train with a lifeline & a first mate) and unparsable syntax. I am ordinarily latitudinarian at sings, but when that one started I conceived an errand in the kitchen.

Of the songs mentioned by others in this thread, I am happy to say that I have heard very few. Of those, I rather admire "Kilkelly, Ireland" (interesting people), "Onward, Christian Soldiers" (tho an atheist, I am a sucker for hymns), and "Puff, the Magic Dragon". As to the last, the consensus on rec.music.folk used to be that the druggy allusions were not intentional. In any case, it contains a sentiment far more subversive than cocaine, in the line

A dragon lives forever, but not so little boys,

which equates growing up with death -- quite correctly, of course, in the long run.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Deckman
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 08:32 PM

One that I wrote! Bob

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From:
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 01:19 AM

Worst song? Well, in terms of both singing ability, and lyric content, I would say the worst was The Bonanza Theme Song

I heard it on an out-takes show about 20 years ago, and can't get the image out of my mind!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Joe_F
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 05:37 PM

Bob/Deckman: To which posting (& about which song) is that a reply? (If I were dictator, I would move this whole Forum to a newsgroup so that the connections could be rendered in a civilized manner.)

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 06:40 AM

I think the song mentioned in the posting on 1st October 1999 by Charles Kratz (as you can see I am a little slow to react sometimes) was "Ode To Billie Joe", not "Ballad of Billy Joe". I was also of the opinion that Billie Joe (McAllister) was a girl who thew herself over the bridge with the unspellable/unpronounceable name. The song was performed by Bobbie Gentry (also female) - whatever happened to her? Actually I don't think it was a bad song, and if you listen to any song dozens of times (at least in a short space of time)you will probably get very tired of it and start finding fault.

Actually it is probably better to write a really bad song than just a mediocre one as at least people remember it. As Oscar Wilde said "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about". Perhaps someone should start up a workshop "How to write excruciatingly bad songs". It is also interesting that some of the people who have written or performed bad songs are highly respected, eg Eric Bogle, Don Maclean, etc.

I was trying to think of a song that I really hated but couldn't quite come up with the goods; indeed am somewhat embarrassed to say that I actually like some of the songs mentioned above, eg The Birdie Song (though as an Instrumental). I am sure the remedy for hearing bad songs is to listen to some good ones. Probably 90-95% of songs (books, poems, etc) are indeed rubbish, but as so much has been published over the years, you are never going to run out of good material. If you can't find anything good in the contemporary field (an invariable complaint of the over 40s) then look at some older stuff (perhaps especially the once popular but now neglected performers, eg Stephen Foster, etc).

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 07:05 AM

Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy

No worse song exists. Now I'm going to have to rinse my ears with bleach. Damn.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Chris Green
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 11:10 AM

There was one my dad used to have a copy of which began

This pullover
That you give to me
I will wear it
For eternity.

The most awful one I've heard recently was from an aspiring songwriter (who shall remain nameless) who wanted my band to perform it. I can't bring myself to quote it in its diabolical entirety but one phrase that made want to gnaw my own foot off went

Then we shall be together
Just you and me
Just like two fish
In the open sea.

Buttock-clenchingly piss-poor!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Barrie Roberts
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 02:06 PM

'The Ballad of Les Darcy' ought to be a contender, as did 'Long Black Veil'.
Twenty years ago we had a 'Worst Song' night at the Sonsmiths Club. We asked people to bring along a tape of, or be prepared to sing, their least favourite song. There was a very wide range of rubbish played that night, but 'Any Dream Will Do' from 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat' won by miles when the audience voted.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,UK Robbo
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 09:56 PM

Greetings from the land that gave the world Gracie Fields, George Formby and Britpop - f****** AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! - although George was a hell of a Uke player...

...and, thanks muchly to the thread originator - lost in the mists of a long way back - who kicked this one off. Can't add to any of it 'cos it's all been said, but I've had, over the last half-hour, a bleedin' good laugh reading it all. You are all absolutely correct, there's tons (or tonnes if if you're from greater Europe) of excerable dross out there and the list is pretty well endless - and continues.

I'm just so glad that my band regularly plays such uplifting stuff as 'I've been lonely in the saddle since my Horse died' and 'Hold the mirror steady Mother while I shave the Chicken's lip'. It helps redress the balance away from all those awfull songs you've all wrote about - possibly. Yes, our UK and European media is a wonderful and mindless thing, so to avoid it try and catch us playing live at a meeting of T.R.I.T.E. (To Rebel Is To Exist) at a Town Hall near you - if it's o.k with the Authorities and if they've vetted the song list for it's purile content first of course.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: goodbar
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 10:46 PM

at the end of my david hammond CD there's a few songs his daughters sing. they're like, 8, so it's really retarded. so i burned a copy without those songs and now all is well.

and speaking about bad stuff, huck finn is the worste book i've ever read part of. mark twain can suck my balls.

now i'm off to read it's cliff notes and do my homework.......

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 04:04 AM

the one that really gets on my tits at the moment is that Kate Rusby one about the collier lad who's taken the King's shilling.

A sort of laura Ashley view of history. You can't help feeling the blokes well out of it in the army.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jos
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 04:45 AM

Sunshine Mountain

When someone starts that it's time to head for the bar/loo/carpark - anywhere, until it's over.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: mooman
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 07:02 AM

OK...McArthur Park must be amongst the worst (as has been oft voted here!) with Sugar Sugar, Born to Be Alive (particularly for the unique enunciacian of "Born"!), Seasons in the Sun, Delilah and Lady in Red not far behind....(excuse me, have to run urgently....!)


(Ah! That's better!). Now where was I? How about another underrated one "Let's Work" by Mick Jagger (obviously written for Mme. Thatcher)!

Peace

moo

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Richard
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 09:56 AM

"Freebird" at least until the guitars get going; what a dirge it is!
and am I the only one who thinks "Fields of Athenry" is a disgusting, cynical piece of manipulatory crap?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 12:27 AM

The loathing for Fields of Athenry (doesn't it sound like a solicitor or a store to you? Like Horrids of Kensington....) is legend and is well documented in this forum.

But someone mentioned 'Seasons in the Sun' which by comparison, makes 'Athenry' look like a slit and clit slash song.....

LTS

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: frogprince
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 04:31 PM

Everybody has cited plenty of serious drek here; I've been trying to think as to how I could single out any one worst case. Then I remembered one, and wish I could find the lyric (tried Google and everything I could think of) to post a sample of it. It hasn't been a national "biggie", but it is an (alleged) gospel song that has stayed around enough for me to hear it at least twice, twenty years apart. It's my own personal "worst" because, while I have heard some insipid, embarassing "gospel" songs, this is the only one I know that takes what should be a joyous, celebrative, genre, and drags it down quite as far as it does. Two lines of the thing are "fools are marching for the right to justify their sin", and "The supreme court is tearing down the morals of our land"; has Doug R. or anyone here been performing it?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Muttley
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 06:33 AM

There are a LOT of deserving songs in there - some I haven't heard (or heard of) - so can't comment on those; but i'll take your sage opinions and avoid them like the plague.

There are some though that i confess to enjoying on occasion ("It's Hard to be Humble" is one - I love playing this for schoolkids and watching then try to work out whether I'm serious or not: a 'cleaned up' version for them)

HOWVER! I'd have to go one step further than the person who mentioned "Grandma's Feather Bed"
To be perfectly honest, just about ANYTHING (in fact, probably EVERYTHING) sung / recorded by John Denver makes my hair hurt - and that's no mean feat considering how little of that I have!!!!!

I think the best John Denver comment I've heard was in the film "Behind Enemy Lines" where Owen Wilson's character is bemoaning the loss of so many great performers to (quote) 'shitty pilots'- he names Lynyrd Skynyrd, Richie Valens, the Big BoppaBuddy Holly etc and his pilot suggests wryly "John Denver?" to which he replies "Well let's not get carried away!"

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Severn
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 10:54 AM

For all of you who brought up "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini", does anybody remember a 1961 Cold War comedy called "One Two Three", starring James Cagney, wherein an East German prisoner, played by Horst Buchholst, was put into an interregation room while that song was played over and over ad nauseum (and stir vigirously) until he talked?

And I always dreaded "Banks Of The Ohio" over all the Idiot Bastard Son murder ballads out there, and there are a bunch of 'em.

"White Room" by Cream?

"Live And Let Die"-...The ever changing world IN which we live IN...

"I Love"-Tom T.Hall w/ "That Song Is Driving Me Crazy" not far behind, from someone who wrote enough half decent ones to know better but was disowned after those two.

Pick anything from "The Donovan Songbook-Vol. 3- The Later Years" and much from the other two.

Anything written by G.Harrison, J. Baez or anyone else about Bangla Desh, which had to be the cause worst served by the songwriting community of any in memory. (If any better rhymes than "mess" or "death" couldn't be found, why bother?)

Hell, just about ANYTHING Baez wrote herself!

All For Now,
(and Now For All)

Severn

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: saulgoldie
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 12:00 PM

Haven't heard of "Fields of Athenry." Could someone please enlighten me as to the words, where I might have heard it, or why "we" loathe it so? TIA. BTW, this is a GREAT and entertaining thread!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Severn
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 01:57 PM

Worst X-mas Song-"I Want To Spend Christmas With Elvis" by Debby Dabney (w/ writer's credits going to Don Kirshner & Bobby Darin)
This horribly written and performed opus can be found on an anthology called "Mr. Santa's Secret (Santa's Boogie)" amidst a lot of old jazz & R&B on Savoy Jazz (ZDS 1157)and is wretched beyond belief.

Still on X-mas, "Christmas Must Be Tonight" must be the worst thing Robbie Robertson ever wrote for The Band (off "Islands")

And since everybody loves the tune and first verse of "Jingle Bells"
so much, have you ever seen the complete set of words? More than once have I seen it stop experienced carolers dead in their tracks in disbelief in mid-verse.

And going off on a slight Tannen-bombs-Away tangent, there's a damn good reason we only sang two or three verses of "Maryland, My Maryland" (the State Song) in school, as it has a seemingly endless number of verses consisting of some of the most ungodly 19th century poetry imaginable. Everybody sang the whole sorry thing in unison once at a re-enactors ball in Baltimore and it was sheer torture.

And for Worst-Attempt-To-Connect-With-An-Audience-You-Didn't- Actively-Solicit-But-Are-Suddenly-Buying-Your-Music----"The Hippies Are Trying" (insert own joke here) by Junior Wells on Blue Rock and later, Mercury (314 558 551-2). Memphis Slim attempted one of these, too, if memory serves.

Season's Cretins & Merry Excemas,
Severn

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From:
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 03:23 PM

Some really awfull stuff here, but some I must admit to liking, such as "Timothy" and "Billy Joe". But did I miss it or did no one mention "Winchester Cathedral"? Sorry if I put that back in someone's thoughts. Oh bo de oh do...Mike

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: mandoleer
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 03:25 PM

Now come on! Is everyone here really taking MacArthur Park SERIOUSLY? It was written to sound deep and meaningful, while actually being total nonsense, and it obviously succeeded! And worse than Seasons in the Sun, which is at least irritatingly catchy, is that thing by Mike and the Mechanics about his father. Not much made me turn the radio off, but that did. I totally agree about Honey, though. What happened to the perpetrator? Something nasty, I hope. Oh, and please don't confuse the Unicorn Song mentioned with the one sung and recorded (but not written) by Artisan - still brings tears to my eyes when I hear it.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: saulgoldie
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 03:31 PM

Artisan, WOW! Another fan! I LOVE them!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 03:56 PM

McArthur Park is a very neat song that succeeds totally in doing what it is trying to do...as indicated by Mandoleer. It sounds deeply serious but is intentionally very silly. And what is the problem with that? Is it an offence to be intentionally silly?

As for Joan Baez, she's written some absolutely great stuff, after getting off to a shaky start at the beginning.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Muttley
Date: 04 Apr 05 - 07:15 AM

Dear Severn: And what about "All I Want For Christmas is A Beatle"? or even "We Love You Beatles" (Oh Yes We Do)"

EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW !!!!!!!!!

Nuff Said !!!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Richard
Date: 04 Apr 05 - 07:53 AM

All National Anthems, military/patriotic songs (including a good few trad. ones), not only have off-putting words, the tunes are either dreary or downright unpleasant. Do you ever whistle "God save the Queen" for pleasure? (I nearly forgot the quotation marks there - it makes a difference!)
These are definitely "the airs that flesh is ill to"

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: mandoleer
Date: 04 Apr 05 - 08:44 AM

Yeh, I avoided seeing Artisan at first - an acapella trio? not my scene! Then I heard 'Unicorns' on the radio, and just sat there with tears in my eyes. So I went to see them and WOW!. Their rendition of 'Burning Times' beats Charlie Murphy's original, and even Kenny and Zipporah's version which is brilliant (pity they split up so violently). I introduced Artisan to 'The Potato Song' but didn't know who it was by - they discovered it was a Tom Paxton before recording it!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Bucky Edgett
Date: 18 Apr 05 - 01:26 PM

Although it's not from the TRAD tradition, I'm surprised to see no mention of Inna Gadda Da Vida. (spelling?)(As if it mattered.) Or was that on page 39 of this thread? I only read back to 1999.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Davetnova
Date: 18 Apr 05 - 03:21 PM

I'm Nobody's Child. Nothing can beat it. EVER.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: annamill
Date: 18 Apr 05 - 04:07 PM

The Last Farewell by Roger whittaker

There's a ship lies rigged and ready in the harbour
Tomorrow for old England she sails
Far away from your land of endless sunshine
To my land full of rainy skies and gales
And I shall be on board that ship tomorrow
Though my heart is full of tears at this farewell
For you are beautiful und I have loved you dearly
More dearly than the spoken word can tell
For you are beautiful und I have loved you dearly
More dearly than the spoken word can tell.

So take off all your clothes and lay down so I can have my way with you wench!

What a pig! My reaction would be "yea, right!" "Buzz off, Rog"

Love, Annamill

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: annamill
Date: 18 Apr 05 - 04:26 PM

Ok, I apologize for my comments. Not my feelings, just my comments. I just saw the other thread on this very song.

This song if taken at face value is a beautiful song. I guess I've known too many Navy men. If one of them had said those words to me, I'm afraid I would just have laughed. Ok, I'm jaded. Not bitter. I've never been personally a victim, but some of my best male friends were in the Navy.

With a smile on my face, I'd have to say "Yeah, right!".

Again, Love, Annamill

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From:
Date: 19 Apr 05 - 09:21 PM

It speaks volumes that you people think that McArthurs Park is actually about a cake being left in the rain.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Songster Bob
Date: 20 Apr 05 - 03:12 PM

There was once this ode to Chairman Mao, written and "sung" by Ewan MacColl, which was excruciatingly painful, with lines that sound like "Baghdad Bob" could have written them (other than being about a communist instead of a secular dictator). Poor or non-existent rhymes, lines with so many syllables over the number allowed that they sounded like a parody by Tom Lehrer, and a tune that seemed to have 18 notes per octave. Gaaahhh!

I can't remember enough to give you a typical line, but I'm certain someone will, God help us!


Bob

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Clean Supper
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 06:21 AM

A seesion in Sydney used to always feature a song that went
Oh Jean, oh Jean,
Will you let me get lucky with you (with you)?
Oh Jean, oh Jean,
Will you let me get lucky with you?

It's a really dreadful song but we all loved it. Everyone sang it in harmony and with gusto, every week. It was a great laugh.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: RobbieWilson
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 07:37 PM

ah the fabulous Proclaimers. My two kids love them.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: number 6
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 07:50 PM

The other nite at our weekly 'circle' someone chose to sing 'Me and Bobby MaGee' .....   man I hate that song!

sIx

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: sixtieschick
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 07:53 PM

Oh c'mon. Hands down: "100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall." Sung in full.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Cool Beans
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 08:46 PM

"You're Having My Baby" EEWWW!!!! Has anyone mentioned that? Who the hell has time to go back over five years' worth of posts.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,FVinson42
Date: 09 May 05 - 03:03 PM

Sky Pilot by the Animals... Vocals are WAY out of tune

The macarana by those south american old men....

and anything by John Seccada or the Cranberries....

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 09 May 05 - 06:28 PM

Ther's no such thing as a "worst song". There are only songs that I don't like, a personal and subjective decision which does not affect the validity of the song in any way.

All songs are good to someone, even if only the songwriter, and who am I to say he/she is wrong. I have spent many frustrating hours trying to teach my son that music which is not to his taste is not automatically crap (his usual description, applied to many genres, from opera to 40s crooners, Cliff Richard, and Rolf Harris).

At last I have succeeded. He no longer makes these comments (in my hearing, at least), and I can have a good laugh by reminding him that many of Rolf's most ardent fans are younger than he is.

Don T.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Pete J
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 09:54 AM

Would you like to swing on a star?
Carry moonbeams home in a jar
And be better off than you are
Or would you rather be a pig?

I cant belive I managed a whole verse without projectile vomiting!
Even though I agree with a lot of other nominations, that comes from the worst song ever. Nothing anybody can say will ever change my mind.

exits shaking head sadly........

Pete J