Etiquette question #2

Subject: Etiquette question #2
From: Christie from Oahu
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 02:30 PM

This may seem like a dumb question. I played my first gig last night, in a small folk club. As I was part of the way through my first song, a guy in the back shouted out, "You suck". Although taken aback, I decided that he was just one ignoramus, and I should keep playing for the rest of the audience. Before long, however, someone else yelled the same thing, and it eventually became a chant "you SUCK you SUCK you SUCK".

As I tried to slink off the stage, the crowd advanced and cornered me. Before I knew what had happened, my guitar had been wrenched from my hand, I was covered in hot tar, someone threw feathers at me, and my guitar had been Crazy-glued to my forehead.

Needless to say, I am quite hurt and humiliated by the whole event. If this is how things are normally done, I don't know why everyone enjoys playing so much. Maybe in a couple of months I'll buy a new guitar, or get the old one removed from my forehead, then never play it outside my home again. Is this standard behavior for these gatherings?

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: T in Oklahoma (a.k.a. Okiemockbird)
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 02:38 PM

Christie, your hypothetical is very thought-provoking. In practice, I think the verbal derision on the part of the audience is not likely to spill over into prosecutable disorderly conduct unless other factors are present in addition to an unappreciative audience and an inexperienced musician.

As usual on the web, this post does not constitute legal advice or establish a lawyer-client relationship, etc.

Okiemockbird (a.k.a. T in Oklahoma)

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Bev and Jerry
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 02:40 PM

This is normal behavior. That's why we love performing so much. It's the challenge.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: MMario
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 02:42 PM

My goodness, Christie you seem to get around. Trouble with the neighbors?

to properly answer your questions, one needs to know the following information... a)What was your tunelist? b) What key were you playing in? c) was the tar mentholated? d) What kind of feathers were they? e) Did the guitar block your vision once affixed to your forehead? f) Did you notice any possums running through the audience?

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 02:44 PM

It's sniffing the glue that does it.

Jon

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Den
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 02:54 PM

Christie heres a good remedy for removing the guitar from your forehead in a fairly painless way. Heat some butter in a pan till it starts to bubble and smear as best you can around the area of contact (you may need a mirror). Then get a large sharp implement from your kitchen a cleaver ought to do the trick. Try wedging the cleaver down between the guitar and your head be careful you don't take the finish of the guitar. With a little pressure it should start to give and you can use the cleaver in a downward slicing maneuver. A similar thing happened to my Grandma in a bizarre kitchen ceile accident. Unfortunately the cleaver thing didn't work for her and she has a unique way of breathing through her nose. If all else fails you could try wearing a big hat. Hope this helps Den.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Wally Macnow
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 03:25 PM

Was the guitar attached to your forehead top up or top down? If the strings weren't glued to you, you have a great opportunity for some real performance picking. By the way, "You Suck, you suck" means they really liked you. Take heart, go back and give 'em another wonderful show.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Melodeon
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 04:27 PM

Christie, have you ever heard the story of the boy who cried "wolf" Melodeon

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Chet W.
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 04:30 PM

Christie, I'd try playing for someone knowledgeable in the type of music that you do, and find out from them if you really do suck. If so, you should never play or sing again. If not, you should never play or sing again.

Oh, and the glued-on guitar; Leave it right where it is.

Good luck, Chet

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: JR
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 04:45 PM

Maybe it's just that you do suck & need to pursue a different hobby. Tried knitting? They seldom draw the reaction you seem to. Or maybe you're just playing the wrong instrument. Bagpipists, accordianists and banjo players are almost universally loved.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: sophocleese
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 04:52 PM

Christie, I think you have misconstrued the audiences intentions here. The phrase "you suck" is actually intended to show appreciation for your efforts. It means that you, like their grandmothers, do not need to be taught how to suck eggs, as you already have demonstrated your ability to suck, as it were. I can guess from the way in which you were treated with tar that you might have had a little difficulty, probably nerves and nothing to worry about in future performances, with your breathing and so some kind member of the audience applied tar to help clear your lungs. I would also hazard the guess that your first song was a rousing one as they emptied their pillows over you signifying that they felt no need of them when you were there performing. Clearly they attached the guitar to you so they could pick you out in the audience, or wherever, in the future to get you to perform again. I would not suggest that, although some of these things have been done separately in various clubs around the planet, this was normal procedure at a folk club: your performance must have moved them deeply. Please don't quit singing in public but instead learn some form of self defense, such as the Hamster Dance, so you can fend off the more enthusiastic members of your audience.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Margo
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 04:52 PM

Christie, might you happened to be related to a certain Gargoyle?

Margarita :O)

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Bert
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 05:00 PM

Christie, you've gotta face it "You Suck"

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Cara
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 05:06 PM

I don't know if I'd recommend knitting as a replacement hobby. You know how some people just inspire bad reactions everywhere? I fear our Christie is such a one. Now imagine what kind of damage an enraged group could do if they got Christie's needles away from Christie!

(I'm attempting to use no pronoun instead of an improper pronoun.)

Maybe you should look into a solo sport that doesn't require any extraneous eqiupment, Christie.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 05:11 PM

Good one, Bert! This thread SUCKS!

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 05:55 PM

in Oahu, it was probably a slack-key guitar....try tightening it. (ummm, you don't have .mpeg movie of that gig ,do you? I'd like to see it.)

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 06:25 PM

Dear Christie,

As a trained professional I have studied the two posts in which you detail personal disasters that have resulted in physical and emotional injury to your good self. We here in Canada are saddened by the amount of humiliation you are willing to accept on behalf of your art. After serious consultation with my partner, Duckboots, (who knows very little about music but a great deal about dead roses and other graveyard effluvia) I have come to the conclusion that an immediate phone call to Dr. Jack Kevorkian is in order. There is of course no charge for this advice.

Of course, you could just learn a proper "F" chord and I'm sure there would be no repetition of those incidents.

Rick

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Big Mick
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 07:29 PM

Christie, have you ever considered changing to a different artistic endeavor? Potato dancing in a thong comes to mind. Never mind. It requires a real flare to hold the audience, and it is obvious that you suck. LOL.

Big Mick

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 08:52 PM

Catspaw sez I can use the puter til he gits back so I wanted ta rite ta yu Christie. See I wuz reedin' over catspaw's shoulder when he furst red this here thread. I jez bin waytin my chanz ever senz.

Christie darlin--I love yu. Them folks done got no rite a treetin ya that way like bein meen an all like choppin yur stringz. But honey deer, when I red bout you bein covered in tar and fethers withen a geetar stuck on yur noggin---thaz jis whut Iza lookin fer in a gal an dang if I dint git a boner whut woulden kwit. Evertime I think on it I gotta run out fast like an whip the bishop. An now izza gittin even wurz senz all theez Mudcat folks say yu SUCK too. Christie I jez luv a woman who sucks! I can jez imajin that yu cud suck the chrome offn a bumper hitch an the exhaust valves outta my big block Chevy. Darlin when I think yur the kine a gurl that'd suck a root as long as a rake handle I jez git all swoll up an--an---ooooo-- --unh-unh-unh-unh--
HEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAWWWWWW
ooo--oo--awgeezus----Uh,oh--I gotta kleenup this for catspaw gits back or heel like as not kill me.

But Christie Honey, Ima cummin fer ya an Ima comin fer ya too. Jez tell me how ta findja an I'll be thair with bells on an you kin jingle em all nite long. Ide do enny thing fer ya. Ide drink a gallon uv yer piss jez ta see where it come from cuz I love yu an yer jez so fine!!! Why yur so fine Ide even suck yer Daddys dick-but I reckon yall reddy dun that. Ime on my way baby!

CLETUS

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: WyoWoman
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 11:43 PM

Oh, my. I'm forwarding this to Martha Stewart. Now you're all in dutch...

Subject: Proper F Chord
From: Wally Macnow
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 09:16 AM

Rick,

F chords by definition are improper. If someone walked up to you and asked to see your F, you'd probably punch 'em out. Since E is the people's key, the only proper chords are E, A & B7 with an occasional muddle D or a relative minor c# if you capo the whole thing up to the 4th fret on a guitar.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Joe Offer
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 09:28 AM

You say B7 is an improvement, Wally? Heck, it it weren't for F and B7, I could be a guitarist!
-Joe, a cappella-

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 11:10 AM

Wally, I suppose the people's key depends on the people and the music being played. In my case (mostly celtic dance music), G and D (1 or 2 sharps if the music is written down) are by far the most popular and in many cases to play something out of those keys could be considered either to be showing off or being unsociable.

If you were playing with some brass players, I don't think that they would thank you for E. As far as I understand it some of these instruments natural keys are Bb and Eb so E with give them the equivalent of rather a lot of sharps...

Jon

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 01:21 PM

Wally and Joe. My seminar entitled "Learn how to "F" properly and make your life worth living" will be held Sunday evening in this thread. Start exercising your thumbs now. They will come in handy. Here are some testimonials from satisfied clients.

"Before Rick taught me a proper "F", I was unpopular, had B.O., and never got invited to song circles. Now I'm a millionare with my own private jet." - J. Taylor.

"In my day ya didn't have ta play "F" ta be a folksinger! Grumphhh.. S. Paton

"I can still sing you the story of my life, loves and hard times while using a 3 finger "F". - Cyndi Amber Dawn Sweetwater. - singer-songwriter (age 17) [my new traditional album of "brand new" folk songs entitled "The Long Hard Roads I've Travelled" is available at www.daughtersofani.com

"There's been too much B.S. about "proper Fs" around here lately. Let's have fewer "F"s and more "C"s and "G"s. - Joe Offer.

"Will you stop "F"ing around and put out the garbage"! - Duckboots.

Rick

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 06:59 PM

CLETUS...don't you think that's quite enough? That goes just a bit beyond humor....

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 07:08 PM

Rick..maybe you can help me. Everytime I try to "F", I get a cramp in my forefinger. Am I doing something wrong? This is embarrassing when this happens, as I have to stop, put down my instrument, and sometimes even walk around the room.

LEJ

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Banjer
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 07:13 PM

Rick I think I just learned what it is I've been doing wrong. You say to limber up our thumbs in preparation for Sunday night....Thumbs is it??? Whenever I have attempted to convey an 'F' it usually involved my middle finger and the digit on either side of it....

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: sophocleese
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 07:17 PM

Rick

Can you help? Since I started playing guitar last year I haven't had a single successful "F". Is it my action? Or am I just too tense, or high strung? Or am I putting the fingers in the wrong places?

Sophocleese

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 10:17 PM

My God, what have I done? This thread has become double-entendre saturated. Sheesh, do one little play on words and the libidos have been unleashed! I think some cold showers are in order, then go practice your Bb9/b5s.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Bert
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 10:12 AM

Well let's get this thread back on track. Our Christie obviously needs our help.
Christie Gal, do you realise that if you take each of your postings, put them together, force in a rhyme or two and you've got one hell of a song there!!!

Go for it.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 10:38 AM

Uh, OK........Go for it Bert! I can't quite imagine it, but you're the songwriter here.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Roger the skiffler
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 10:41 AM

Thanks for sharing that with us,Christie. When audiences shout it to me I asume they are suggesting I change my kazoo technique, sucking doesn't produce any noise and it also stops me singing till the doctors remove it from my throat.
(I've also been told "F off", when out of key.)
Perhaps that was their cunning plan.
As for the tar & feathers, the staff at the Neil Young Center have become quite adept at removing it when I've been telling "jokes" at the Mudcat Tavern.
They use Bronner's soap.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Christie from Nevada
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 01:23 PM

The Ballad of Wanderin' Christie

VERSE #1
I went out to buy a git-tar
I'd never played one of those things
The salesclerk, he said
"Are you screwed in the head
Of course they just have five strings"

I went back home and called up a friend
He said, "Five? They only have four
That guy jerked your chain
That fifth string's in vain
A guitarist don't need any more."

CHORUS:
So, needless to say I'm hoo-miliated
And hurt...by theee whole event
This may seem like a dumb question
But thank y'all for letting me vent

VERSE #2
I went to a neighbourhood folk jam
Although I wasn't so great
I tried to play along
But most every song
Had chords that I couldn't equate

Finally, something familiar
Was started, so I played some more
When a man with some pliers
Cut off my string-wires
And threw my guitar on the floor
(chorus)

VERSE #3
I went out to play my first gig
When somebody shouted, "You SUCK!"
I sang of the weather
And got tarred and feathered
By the plumage of some poor old duck

My four-string guitar was taken from me
And glued to the front of my brow
Now I can't get it off
And each time I cough
An E-minor rings out so loud
(chorus)

Yes thank y'all for letting me vent!

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Christie from Kansas
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 01:25 PM

By the way, put that in three-quarter time, and sing it to the tune of your favourite John Prine song.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Paul S
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 01:34 PM

Man'o'man!

I sure do wish I could write like that.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Michael K.
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 02:44 PM

It could have been worse Christie.

You could have been playing your first gig at a Monastery, and forced one of the Monks to break a 35 year vow of silence to say ''You Suck.'' THAT would have been impressive!

And further to one of Rick Fielding's comments in this thread, I would get a hold of Kevorkian and tell him you're depressed. See if he can just give you enough to make you drowzy.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 02:50 PM

Christie, I know some of my friends are ticked off at you for leading them down the garden path, but I can't help it, you intrigue me you devilish troublemaker you.

The ballad of Christie From Everywhere.

You appeared on our site just to tease us.
Tho' your humour it borders on cruel.
Won't you come clean just to please us?
You've made us all look like fools.
Chorus:
Some say you remind them of Catspaw,
But there's nary a curse in your prose
And others think you might be Gargoyle
But you're just not his style Heaven knows

Each time you've made music for others
Amazing disasters befall
One tragedy after another
Good Lord Christie you've got some gall.
Alt.Chorus:
Some say you remind them of Catspaw,
But I've analyzed every line.
I can only come to this conclusion
Welcome to Mudcat - JOHN PRINE.

Rick

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Paul S
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 02:55 PM

I wish!

As I said, "I sure do wish I could write like that."

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Bert
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 03:24 PM

Christie, I take it back, I was wrong, You DON'T suck. That is a bloody marvelous song. Sing it for us and send a tape to Max and we'll play it on Mudcat Radio.

Bert.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: MandolinPaul
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 07:14 AM

OK

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 07:44 AM

Well Stroked Christie.....Well Fockin' Stroked!!!! (mandatory curse)

Spaw

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: katlaughing
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 08:20 AM

Paul S: OK?

So......Paul S = Christie from Everywhere!

Mystery revealed.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Paul S
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 12:45 PM

I have very sad news to report. Christie from New York has met with a terrible accident. While she was walking along a country road, a cropduster flew over. His landing gear became entangled with the tuning keys of the guitar that was stuck to her forehead.

Christie was dragged along for about half an hour before being slammed against the side of a barn, by the unsuspecting cropduster, who makes a common practice of buzzing peoples outbuildings while laughing maniacally; he admitted that he does this because he feels the need to keep up with the stereotype of the wild and crazy flyboy.

Christie died instantly. The guitar, however, being of Taiwanese construction, came through unscathed, and quite successfully detached from Christie's head.

I think that few of us will forget the adventures of this brave young woman.

Subject: RE: Etiquette question #2
From: Jeri
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 05:10 PM

A sad day. Christie from New York was a wonderful songwriter. Too bad she didn't get enough much air time for her music to really take off.