Songs that are so bad they're brilliant

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: HattieLou
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 11:31 PM

Harold, I think the some of the words are "I've got tears in my beard 'cause I've been crying for you dear, I've got lonely on my mind. That's all I can remember. Does anyone remember the singer?

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Songster Bob
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 12:37 AM

Came across this in a songbook I found in a friend's guitar case the other day, and it put me in mind of the man who wrote it, Jon Eberhart. I'm doing this chorus from memory, and I can't say the song is so much "bad" as just a more-than-enough-extended metaphor, exactly in keeping with the genuine article (this one being self-conciously constructed).

She's read her final issue, there was nothing we could do,
We could see the end a-coming, as she turned its pages through.
Now a halo lights her reading, and her days are free from strife,
Death has cancelled her subscription to the magazine of life.


From "Magazine of Life," copyright 1980 by Jonathan Eberhart

I don't remember if this is on his Folk Legacy recording or not, but it's one in the spirit of that recording's title song, "Life's Trolley Ride."

Songster Bob

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Ely
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 01:54 AM

Besides the "Five Pounds of Possum" one (which, down here, is "Forty Pounds of Possum", since everything is bigger in Texas)? I always get a chuckle out of the Holy Modal Rounders' "Mister Space Man", a parody of a really bad early '60's pop tune called "Mr. Bass Man". I don't think my father ever could remember a full set of lyrics to something if it wasn't absurd. These are some of the gems on which I was raised: 1) "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" (Beatles) 2) Hostile Baby Rocking Song ("there's an island way out in the sea, where the babies they all grow on trees"). 3) the one about the Cadillac and the Nash Rambler ("Hey, buddy, how can I get this car out of second gear?") 4) "Merchant's Lunch" by the Red Clay Ramblers.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: SeanM
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 03:14 AM

Number 3 is called "Beep Beep"... *shudder*

M

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Stewie
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 05:10 AM

Seed, 'We Need a Lot More of Jesus' was written by Wayne Raney. It would be hard to know whether he was serious. I have always seen 'Drop Kick Me Jesus' credited to Paul Craft, not Bobby Bare as you suggest.

Cheers, Stewie.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 09:16 AM

Well, I'm sure Bobby Bare did the song, but my lasting memory is the version by Kinky Friedman and his Texas Jewboys. On his first album I believe. Kinky, who now writes mystery novels, seemed hell-bent on offending anyone he could (my kind of guy). It also had a version of that anti-feminist anthem "Get Your Biscuits in Oven and Your Buns in the Bed." After I married my first (and now ex-) wife, this album disappeared. She always swore she had nothing to do with its disappearance. Me, I just bought another copy.

Roger in Baltimore

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Tincap
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 07:04 PM

Can't remember the words but I had I think it was the title song from a Sneezy Waters (is he still around?) called "You've got Sawdust on the Floor of my Heart."

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 10:37 AM

I vaguely remember a song from the early to mid seventies called 'Uneasy Rider' about a long hair whose car or bike breaks down in a redneck town. In describing the inhabitants of the town he refers to 'some old fella with green teeth' anyone remember anything more about this one, artist, more lyrics etc?

My collection of 45's included such classics as Troglodyte, Guitarzan, The Streak and one that I think most qualifies for this thread, Jerry Reed's Amos Moses. I should dig those out. Believe it or not, I got a brand new 45 a few months ago, "If Jesus Was a Picker" by an artist who gets a lot of ink on the 'cat, anyone know who it is?

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Pelrad
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 10:54 AM

Anyone care to theorize about why so many of these "bad songs" are about Jesus?

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 11:00 AM

Just to set the record (no pun intended), I am not saying 'If Jesus Was A Picker' is a bad song, I was just rambling a bit. Any guesses as to who the artist is.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 01:53 PM

Steve..."Uneasy Rider" was a top 40 hit for The Charlie Daniels Band.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 02:29 PM

LEJ,

Thanks, I think I even had this on vinyl at one point. I'll search cowpie for the rest of the lyrics.

Steve

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: M
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 05:50 PM

MAG--

Fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish head, fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum!

And you must sing this song in front of the fish heads at the supermarket! A friend and I use to make a beeline in this one particular store (that only had one aisle--it was a maze, literally) to the fish section and sing softly to the fish heads while swaying at the waist. I don't remember who wrote it, though it was on MTv for awhile and there are actually more lyrics...a great song (sigh).

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 05:57 PM

Er - all y'all know "If Jesus was a Picker" is on rick's disc, right?

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 06:09 PM

I think Steve was having some fun with Mr Fielding, MAG. I would still like to hear Ray Stevens do it, though. Now if we can just get rid of that "grass" reference...

LEJ

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 06:30 PM

Har Har Har (my equivalent of "grin"). The worst part of "If Jesus was a Picker" is that it's always been my most requested song! I wrote part of it while watching the "Jim and Tammy" hour (this was before Jim went away for cheating the true believers) and seeing Tom Landry (then coach of the Dallas Cowboys) talkin' about Jesus being his "football coach in the sky". On the same program Glen Campbell said that "he was pickin' fer Jesus now". Shortly after, Glen met Tanya Tucker and from both their autobiographies it seems they started "fightin' and snortin' for Jesus as well". The song is not a shot at religion at all (hear that Jesse Ventura) only the hypocracy of those who use it to support their greed or bigotry.
Hang on to that 45 Steve, it may be worth a dollar some day.

Rick

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Barry Finn
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 11:26 PM

A few weeks ago at our local singing session someone sang a song about Somerville (Next to Boston) & all it's charms ("where the traffic light turn from green to red,,,,,, and back to green again"). Sorry, Somerville has no charm. Well a few of us started saying where'd he get that song from, it's awful, a few minutes later he had some of us chuckling by the end everyone was in stiches & gasping for air with all the laughter. It was really awful never heard anything as bad but never heard anything as funny either. Don't know the name of it (maybe just Somerville) but I was telling a friend on mine about it & he said he hadn't heard it in over 20 years, he came upp with the guy's name who wrote it but dam me if I can recall it. Barry

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Owlkat
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 01:31 AM

Re: the October 2 reference to the perfect country and western song... John Prine and Steve Goodman wrote it in reply to all the hurtin'country songs they came across. It was picked up by David Allen Coe who sang it so often that it was thought to have been written by him. I believe it's called "You never even called me by my name", and can be found on one of Steve Goodman's earlier albums. Far from being terrible; it stands as one of the most brilliant examples of parody that I know. Not that any of the country audiences I sang it for actually got the joke. Goofy, silly, funny? Yup. Terrible? I don't think so.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Jeff Spurlin
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 11:14 AM

Owlkat...You are correct about "The perfect country and Western Song". It was the last verse, which as far as I know was only sung by David Alan Coe, that was quoted. DAC did give Steve Goodman credit for it though.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 04:44 PM

Rick,

Love "Fightin and Snortin For Jesus" reminded me of this past summer when I was visting relatives in New York State. I asked my cousin's husband if he had gone to Woodstock as it was about twenty minutes away from where they live. His answer was 'No, I was killing commies for Christ" I pursued this and apparently his Chaplain in Viet Nam had 'Kill a commie for Christ' painted on his Jeep.

OwlKat, I completely agree about some of the most brilliant parody I've ever heard. A great song.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Owlkat
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 11:23 PM

This one just flashed me, so I thought I'd fire it off, before I forget. It's not really bad, just kind of goofy. I got this one when I used to tape (for archival reasons only) syndicated Dr.Demento shows when I lived in Toronto. For some reason, it's stuck with me. c f Send me to glory in a glad bag g c Don't waste a fancy coffin on my bones c f Just set me out with the trash next Tuesday g c And let the sanitation local take me home.

...and there's more where that came from.

hoots meow. Owl.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 08 Oct 99 - 09:45 AM

One of the Toronto morning shows had a beauty called "Fishin' Worms", I have no idea who it was by and can't recall many of the lyrics, can anyone help?

It was complete parody, but what about the bovine lounge lizard in the HP Sauce commercials crooning "You'll never know, how much I love you, moo moo moo moo" One of my favourite commercials ever.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 09:22 AM

Back when I was a teenager cruising for burgers at 3 AM we used to pick up WWVA from 600 miles away and chortle at the antics of a DJ calling himself "The Coffee Drinking Night Owl"; his gimmick was unscrewing a jar of Nescafe next to the mike and stirring up a cup of instant coffee. Back then there were some pretrty undescribably thick songs in the country circuit, and I have never forgotten the one called "Window Shopping", which went:
Yore jes' winder shoppin', jes' winder shoppin'
Fer anyone who's fool enough to fall.
You don't want real love
You never feel love
Yore jes' winder shoppin', is all !

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Clinton Hammond2
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 09:56 AM

Well... this one might qualify, because many people think of it as great, but I just can't take it at all... "There Were Roses"... what a heavy handed, clumbsy, overly sentimental, pile of crud...

Now, I know I've likely offended EVERY Celtic and psudo-celtic here, but I'm allowed to have my own opinions and proclaim them publicly...

For my tastes, there's one good song about the garbage going on in Ireland, and it applies to the Middle East and just about any other "hot spot" I can think of... It's called "House Of Orange" by Stan Rogers...

"Donald Where's Yer Trousers" always sorta got to me as the Sinefeld (sp?) episode of folk music... pointless but kinda funny...

That's Been My 0.02

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Jesse's girl
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 10:40 AM

I'll submit the 1970s song "Run Joey Run" as a so-bad-its-fun song. It's the one about a guy who wants to do right by his pregnant girlfriend, but her mean old dad is gunning for him. Dad accidentally shoots the girlfriend, who goes to heaven with a chorus of fake-portentous "aaawww-aaaahhhs."

I find truly over-the-top songs such as this more enjoyable than mediocre songs such as "My Heart Will Go On."

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 02:32 PM

Well, Joe Offer, I think kendall has you sussed: "That is a great song for anyone over 40. Perhaps when you grow up you will learn to appreciate it."

Actually I reckon "Those were the Days" is a great song, and one of the great things about it is you can sing iut totally tongue in cheek, or totally sincerely. I think to qualify of this kind of thread, that has to be true of a song.

You don't have tomtake sides on a song and decide it's ridiculous, or above ridicule. Lots (most?) really good songs hover on the border between the two, and can tip over to either according to how they're sung, and how the people listen are feeling. Some singers can even play with moving a song back and forth between the extremes - yiou suddenly realkise in the middle of some song you've thought of as a cheerful singalong song, andnrealise mthere's real pain in there.The Titanic. Engine 143.

Hank Wangford is a great man for having it both ways with songs.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Hagbardr
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 04:02 PM

There's one I heard a couple years ago, "Concrete Roads", parodying John Denver's "Country Roads". Don't remember any of the lyrics though. Pabst Blue Ribbon does that to you.....

Hagbard

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: tradsteve
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 04:54 PM

Gotta go with "Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart" by Johnny Cash

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: kendall
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 05:00 PM

Take back your heart, I ordered liver.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 05:01 PM

I can't think of any! Really!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: JamesBerriman
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 06:02 PM

Lonesome EJ wrote of Bohemian Rhapsody "MISS MILLER(she will not let him go)".

The word is actually Bismillah, which means "In the name of god".

I, too, heard "Miss Miller" for years until I saw the lyrics printed somewhere!

( :-]) James

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 06:53 PM

Yes, "Bismillah" is actually an Arabic word. All ties in if you know that Freddy Mercury was of Arabic heritage--his real name was Farouk Bulsara.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 25 Jan 00 - 08:01 PM

I thought he was from a Persian family rather than Arabic.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Melbert
Date: 26 Jan 00 - 04:26 PM

How about "Peeping through the knothole in Grandma's wooden leg"?
or
"If I had to do it all over again, I'd do it all over you".

Subject: Lyr Add: THE WRECK OF THE OLD SOUTHERN PACIFIC
From: GUEST,Auxiris
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 03:54 AM

Hello, everyone. Don, I can see that your contribution to this discussion is from last October, but if you see this and you've got a complete version that's different from the one below, could you please post it? Thanks!
Cheers,
Auxiris

THE WRECK OF THE OLD SOUTHERN PACIFIC
"Haywire" Mac McClintock

Out of the Sierra Mountains came an SP passenger train.
The hoboes tried to ride her, but alas! 'twas all in vain.
The conductor took the tickets and counted every soul.
The engineer looked straight ahead and the fireman shoveled coal.

Now the fireman was a cowboy, but do not think it strange.
He could make more money shoveling coal than riding on the range.
And though he was a fireman, and though he had to sweat,
He still remained a western boy and he kept his lariat.

Now the train was way behind time, and the passengers were wild,
When on the track a-sudden there strolled a little child.
Her golden hair in ringlets was hanging down her back.
She little knew her danger grave as she strolled along the track.

"My God!" the engineer shouted, as he slammed on all the brakes.
"I'll never stop this train in time. I ain't got what it takes.
Oh, who will save that wee tot?" he cried in accents wild.
"Can anyone stop this SP train and save that little child?"

Up stepped the cowboy-fireman, and a gallant lad was he:
"Oh, I will save that baby if I wreck this whole SP."
He stepped out on the running board. With tears his eyes were wet,
And in his hand, our hero brave bore his trusty lariat.

He quickly dropped a fast loop round a pole beside the track,
And then he tied the other end around the big smokestack.
He pulled the train clear off the track and caused an awful wreck.
Our hero lay there in the ditch with the engine on his neck.

Oh, we will long remember that 45th of May,
For there were many gallant hearts all filled with fear that day!
We buried that poor cowboy where the prairie winds blow wild.
He killed two hundred passengers but, thank God, he saved that child!

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Seamus Kennedy
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 05:05 AM

Rick Fielding, I can't believe you would question the motives of John Herald and the late great Ralph Rinzler in recording "We need a whole lot more of Jesus", or was it Frank Wakefield, I forget? How about "Let's Talk Dirty In Hawaiian" by Fred Koller and John Prine? Concrete Road about the NJ Turnpike is a good one too, I know, I recorded it.

Subject: Lyr Add: DEAD PUPPIES (from Ogden Edsl)
From: Terry Allan Hall
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 11:02 AM

OK, here's one...learned it from Doctor Demento's Show...don't recall the author...people actually request this, BTW!

DEAD PUPPIES
As recorded by Ogden Edsl [band consisting of Bill Frenzer, Bill Carey, and Otis XII]
on “Mower of the Ogden Edsl” (1995)

Dead puppies, dead puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

They don't come when you call.
They don't chase squirrels at all.
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

My puppy died late last fall.
He's still rotting in the hall.
Dead puppies aren't much fun, no, no, no.

Mom says puppy's days are through.
She's going to throw him in the stew.
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

Dead puppies, dead, dead, dead, dead puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

Come on everybody out there, sing along, okay?

Dead, dead, dead, dead, puppies, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

One more time for Roman Hruska!

Dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead puppies,
Dead puppies aren't much fun.

* * * Cute, in sick sorta way...

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,BillyBoy
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 01:29 PM

Not sure whether anyone south of the line ever heard of this, but in Canada we had Terry Jack produce one of the ALL TIME NO. 1 HITS IN CANADA with "Seasons in the Sun", which I swear is the most revolting piece of crap you've ever heard in your life:

"We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun, but the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time"(??????????)

...and so on. The thing is, though, it's got this insipid melody that you just cannot shake and you actually find yourself humming the bloody tune. I guess that is the mark of a truly "great" commercial tune. And if that's not enough, the B side is about some kid, his dog and a porkchop...honest. BB

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Molly Malone
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 05:43 PM

Bang on the Ear. I'm sorry, but' "I can see her to this day, stirring chicken soup"???? Talk about hard up for lyrics!

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Johnny the Medicine
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 06:08 PM

ANY NEIL DIAMOND SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP YOU DONT BRING ME FLOWERS ANYMORE AND FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!THEY ROCK- LISTEN TO THEM STONED

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 06:09 PM

Hey, Molly! Careful now... that's one of my favorite songs.

"It started up in Leeds... it ended up in tears
But I send her my love, and a bang on the ear."

Of course, my opinions are all tempered by the well-known facts that 1) I am a big fan of MacArthur Park, and 2)I think Jim Morrison wrote some of the most perceptive lyrics in popular music and 3) Brandy, You're a Fine Girl moves me to tears. Yes, I'm serious.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,Johnny the Medicine
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 06:10 PM

ANY NEIL DIAMOND SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP YOU DONT BRING ME FLOWERS ANYMORE AND FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!THEY ROCK- LISTEN TO THEM STONED

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,LEJ
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 06:11 PM

Above post mine

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Molly Malone
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 06:19 PM

oh, don't get me wrong. I love the song! But come on. Everytime I hear that song (at least once or twice a week) I have laugh at that line. Who wrote that anyway?

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Mbo
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 06:31 PM

EJ, I love "Brandy" it's such a sad song...I also think "MacArthur Park" has one of the best melodies of any song ever. And don't dis Neil Diamond--I love "Kentucky Woman" and "Sweet Caroline." It always makes me feel at home here in North Carolina.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 10:07 PM

Molly... the Waterboys are the perpetrators, on their album Fisherman's Blues. The title song is the one that kicked off the opening of Waking Ned Devine, and the rest of the album is a keeper as well.

"I don't care what he did with his women
I don't care what he did when he drank
If I could hear one note
From his lonesome old throat
Has anybody here seen Hank?"

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Midchuck
Date: 27 Jan 00 - 10:13 PM

Re the mention of Has Anybody Here Seen Hank, when my daughter was at Williams in the late '80s/early '90s, she told me that that record was popular, but her fellow students were confused by that song. They didn't have any idea whom it was about! Talk about the intellectual class being out of touch with their own country....

Peter.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: Molly Malone
Date: 28 Jan 00 - 10:25 AM

Ok, Fisherman's Blues I know, but I'm not familiar with "Hank". Guess I'll have to borrow that CD.:) Honestly, I've never heard a cd of any of irish songs...it's all been live. (I lead a sheltered life.) :)

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: John in Brisbane
Date: 09 Nov 00 - 11:45 PM

Don Meixner wrote adove "Mother The Queen of My Heart" by Jimmie Rodgers ... She said son son't start drinkin and gamblin, swear that you'll always go straight...

Lots of people know that I'm part of the small band of people trying to find missing tunes in the database. So when I found a dusty collection of Jimmie Rodgers songs, there it was, the original score for this song. With my sophisticated 21st century musical tastes I scoffed inwardly while I notated it, I read the corny words and had a quiet snigger to myself. Then I played it..and played it. I love it - it's simple but has a lot going for it in terms of possible interpretations. I wanted to play with the arrangement somewhat, but decided to leave it alone. I've sent the MIDI of the complete score to MMario for inclusion on the Mudcat MIDI Page.

Subject: RE: Song that's so bad it's brilliant
From: GUEST,D_hand
Date: 10 Nov 00 - 07:49 AM

what about 'Work your fingers to the bone, What da ya get? Boney Fingers Boney Fingers'!!!

or 'Are you in the top 40 of the Lordy, Lordy, Lordy? Will you be a hit in heaven Like you were on Earth?'

GREAT !!!