BS: Things you should never do

Subject: BS: Things you should never do
From: Bert
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 06:19 PM

Introduce your kids to the delights of Turkish Coffee.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 06:24 PM

Tear your distal bicep tendon loose from its mooring at the elbow.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 06:29 PM

Offer to sell a seat in the US Senate to the highest bidder.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Melissa
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 06:32 PM

start a chainsaw braless.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 06:41 PM

fry bacon while nude

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Paul Burke
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 07:10 PM

Pick your nose while driving over speed bumps?

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 07:22 PM

Don't roller skate in a buffalo herd.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: gnu
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 07:30 PM

Tell a woman it's up to her as to whatever and you'll go along with whatever she decides. Just go ahead and make the decision like she said you should so you can be wrong and she can get pissed off at you no matter what you decide. Just get it over with on accounta she's gonna get pissed off no matter what decision you make.

Now, that might piss off some of the females herin, but I'd bet dollars to donuts the lads herein have been there and suffered that.

And I'll bet none of them will back me up... ya buncha pussies (Smart pussies?).

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 07:38 PM

Post like gnu just did.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: kendall
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 07:40 PM

Slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 07:41 PM

LOL

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 07:43 PM

Scratch your wossname while breaking chilis to make a curry

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: gnu
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 07:45 PM

I agree, JtS.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 10:03 PM

Sneak up behind a large male chimp, sieze his balls in a grip of iron, and yell "Gotcha!"

Certain death. It works pretty much the same with grizzly bears, lions, etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: GUEST,Dani
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 10:13 PM

Read this thread with a mouthful of wine...

Dani

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 10:19 PM

Look down the barrel and say, "I wonder why it didn't go off?"

Try to cross the raging torrent on an old, wet, skinny log.

Say to yourself (and others), "Look, the ice is a quarter inch thick! It'll hold! I'll show you!"

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Bert
Date: 09 Dec 11 - 10:57 PM

How right you are gnu!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 12:00 AM

Walk under a ladder when a painter is falling.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 12:07 AM

Start a Mudcat thread and imagine that it won't turn inexplicably abusive at some unpredictable point!

~M~

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 05:01 AM

Scratch your wossname while breaking chilis to make a curry

Note to self, don't eat at Richard Bridge's after next Lower Stoke Winter Sing. Or the next. Or the next.

Gnu - that woman you described? I was married to a man like that. Always forced me to make decisions on "whatever" then argue me into tears about why I made said decision.

Ex husband: "Where do you want to go for your birthday dinner?"

Me: "Oh I don't mind."

Ex: "Come on! It is your birthday after all."

Me: "OK. How about that little Italian restaurant near Barrack Road Shopping Center."

Ex: "Why? What's wrong with Ponderosa?"

Me: "Well for one thing, the last time we were there, someone was standing on the counter right next to prepared food removing a dirty greasy vent from the over head air handling unit. And for another, it is my birthday and I would like to go to a nice family run intimate little restaurant."

Ex: "Oh it wasn't that bad. Ponderosa has a buffet and I have coupons."

Me: "I'd rather not go out, thanks. I'll go buy some steaks and well have a nice meal at home."

Ex: "Why are you being like this? Let's go to Ponderosa. They do steaks."

Me: approaching tears... "Fine, I guess I can find something on the salad bar." and under breath "happy fucking birthday to me."

Ex: shouting now... "What the fuck is your problem. Are you crying?"

Me: shouting back... "{{{YOU}}} asked me where {{{I}}} wanted to go. Leave me alone."

Ex: following me into bathroom... "This is emotional blackmail. What is wrong with Ponderosa?"

Me: sobbing now.. "Do you even bother listening to me? I answered that question already. You just aren't happy with it."   

This kind of scenario was acted out at least 3 times a week for 25 years of my life. He did it to our kids as well. He is this way with everyone. I am still surprised someone hasn't killed him. I am surprised I didn't kill him.

Things you should never do?

Never engage in any discussion with my ex husband. Not if you value your sanity.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 06:01 AM

Geeziz VT......May I congratulate you on getting at least the majority of your screws tightened back up?   Did you wind up killing the asshole?

Anyway.........things you should never do:

1-Tug on Superman's cape
2-Spit in the wind
3-Tear the mask off the old Lone Ranger
4-Mess around with Jim



Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 07:03 AM

It wasn't me! It was a friend from university after we both left and he was lecturing at Keele. He has already washed his hands - but in water which is not a solvent for the "hot" component of chili. I'm sure he washed his hands again after - but not for a while as he was too busy going "ow".

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Amergin
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 07:06 AM

sing Kevin Bloody Wilson songs at feminist conventions....

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 09:32 AM

Attach a rotary saw blade to a drill to cut wood.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: frogprince
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 09:51 AM

Puke into a gale if you're seasick.

Slice an inch or so off the width of a foot of board on the table saw without using a "push stick" carefully. (Oh well, it only took a couple of stitches.)

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 09:52 AM

Eat yellow snow.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 09:55 AM

Light up a match so you can see if there's still enough battery fluid left inside that balky car battery...

(I saw someone do that, and the results were quite dramatic.)

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: kendall
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 10:04 AM

Try to pick up a cat while you are using a blow dryer.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 10:11 AM

Drive across town with a nervous Siamese cat cradled gently in the passenger's arms to keep it from getting scared....

(DON'T do this on the freeway!)

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 10:20 AM

Just talking to Raptor on the phone here, and he suggested...

"Don't wear a KKK outfit to an NBA game..."

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: MarkS
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 10:20 AM

Throw s**t at an armed man.
Stand next to somebody who is throwing s**t at an armed man.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 10:31 AM

That's something every chimpanzee should know, and know well.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 11:44 AM

Pick your nose after you handled Naga Jolokia hot peppers, or rubbed A535 ointment on your joints.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 11:47 AM

Suggest that a redneck 'eschew obfuscation'.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 11:50 AM

Try to set off smartly on your Honda 500 without taking the disk lock off.

It only pulled some muscles in the end but it felt worse!

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 11:55 AM

let him sort the records after you broke up with him ...

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: MAG
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 11:58 AM

(that was me; cookie out)

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 12:01 PM

Run out of Dulce de Leche
Stop paying for private medical insurance

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: kendall
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 12:14 PM

Argue with an echo.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 01:01 PM

Step out of a limousine in front of several paparazzi when you are wearing a short skirt and no underwear.

(I heard that this happened somewhere. :)

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 01:46 PM

""Pick your nose after you handled Naga Jolokia hot peppers, or rubbed A535 ointment on your joints""-or, if your a guy go to pee before washing the hot stuff of'n your hands..

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:23 PM

VT's response actually cheered me up! My ex was at least as bad. Wonderful that they are ex's.

Do not "should" on yourself. As in "I should try to be nice to...."(the ignorant SOB.) or I should phone ... " when that is the last thing in the world I want to so or need to do or...

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Don Firth
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:26 PM

Class break and we're all sitting around shooting the breeze. This guy says that he had a hemorrhoid operation just recently, and the doctor gave him a tube of soothing ointment to use after "doing his business." So one night he wakes from a sound sleep and has to go to the bathroom. He tidies up, and in his groggy state, reaches around on the back to the toilet for the tube of ointment.

He gets the Ben Gay by mistake.

He said that suddenly he was wide awake!!

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: bobad
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:30 PM

Accept one person's account of another person before hearing the other's version.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: bobad
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:30 PM

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:35 PM

Bobad gets the ten gold stars!!

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: kendall
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 02:52 PM

Never say "Yes" if your wife asks if her skirt or jeans make her ass look big.

My ex once asked if her new blue skirt made her look like a Mack truck, and I said, "No, dear; Mack trucks are always red."

True story.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: gnu
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 04:40 PM

Kendall... my answer was, "Actually, yes. Try that sexy black skirt you wore to your sister's wedding."

You fill in the rest of the story. Same result. >;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 04:46 PM

Use a poison ivy leaf as toilet paper, when short taken on a nature hike.

Subject: RE: BS: Things you should never do
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 11 - 04:47 PM

Tell the truth when your wife asks "how does this look" when trying on her favourite dress.