BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern

Subject: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 09:29 PM

The snow blew an icy knife into his face. His horse and dog, he knew, were suffering even more.

Ahead was a dark structure. He reined in and guided his horse into the lee of the building, tying it to a post. The dog was at his side as he opened the door. The hinges creaked from disuse, but the except for the hole in the center the roof was solid and for some reason he couldn't fathom no snow fell into the place.

It was a big old barn of a place with doors at many places. He could see, in the dim glow of the fireplace...fireplace? With a banked fire?

He lit a match. Nice place, cobwebs and such, but he could take care of that. He drew his rapier with his left hand (it was mounted on his right side because of the recent injury) and slashed it through the air as he turned completely around. As he did, the dust and cobwebs vanished and the fire grew to life. He sheathed his blade

It's time, he said to himself. It's time to reopen The Christmas Tavern. His dog, a duckdog named Gluon, spoke invitingly:


Quark!

Quark!

Quark! 

Quark!

Quark!

Quark!

Quark!

and vanished into whatever multidimensional space he usually visited.

He opened the door again and brought his horse inside, into the warm. As he did so, a welcoming tentacle squirmed out of the jello pool.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 09:37 PM

I hate to have to say this but my credit card is maxed out.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 09:42 PM

Higgs the Bos'n sauntered in playing squeeze box and jigging
remembering the captains daughter swinging through the rigging

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 10:18 PM

That's okay; I got enough loot at the last job to float the boat for a very long time. They shouldn't have been moving the Ft. Knox gold over a highway KNOWN to be a hangout of rapparees and other ne'er-do-wells.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: mg
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 11:08 PM

And then he looked in the manger to find some straw for his horse, and what did he see but a tiny infant.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 11:23 PM

[One thinks mg has wandered into the wrong inn. This one is of ill-repute and no claim to history. Unless it was an infant duck or kitten. There are lots of those in the Mudcat Tavern.]

Sage wanders in from the Texas door and calls across the room to Raparee "It took you long enough to open this place! I was afraid I was going to have to do it myself, but the semester isn't quite over yet. I'll drop off this batch of freshly smoked salmon and be back again later in the week when finals are finished.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 02:04 AM

hammering & thumping noises comes from the long closed Australian door & it opens with a great creeeeaaaak of rusty hinges.

Squeak of wheels as sandra enters with a trolley load of garlic-marinated tiger prawns for when the crowds (& cooks!) arrive & looks around for the fridge

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: MAG
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 05:28 AM

ooh look -- chocolate pumpkin cheesecake -- i'll just take some, along w/ my brandy alexander, into the spa over here --

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 05:42 AM

Cranberry flavoured jello for the pit anyone?

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: artbrooks
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 09:24 AM

Having trouble getting into the holiday spirit - could I have a Moose Drool and some chocolate chip cookies, please?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 09:38 AM

Sage steps back into the room at the whiff of Sandra's prawns mojo en ajo. "Roll it back behind the bar, there's a large walk in fridge behind it."

Despite her intent to return to her gainful employment the evening before, she spent several hours throwing out old moldy jars of olives, dessicated drink mixes in bottles without tops, and throwing old plastic and cardboard from under the bar behind the tavern in the large blue recycle bins. She heard something move in the cardboard bin and noticed someone was sleeping.

The bar is sparkling and polished now with a fresh coat of bees wax, the floor behind it is no longer sticky, and it's ready for cooks to come along and start the big meat. Auroch? Squid? Bracheosaurus?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 10:39 AM

Well seasoned and grilled archeopteryx.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 01:50 PM

Free range Baloney

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 04:39 PM

In the absence of my Credit Card I'll give you all my shortbread recipe.

It's as easy as 123..

1 pound of sugar
2 pounds of butter
3 pounds of flour
1/2 teaspoon of salt

Cream the butter and sugar
work in the flour & salt

roll out and bake at 325 until it just starts to turn golden.

Take a bite then sip your Scotch with the shortbread in your mouth.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 07:51 PM

Oooooh that sounds wonderful, Bert! Barkeep, a scotch on the rocks, please, and a little plate of those cookies! Who is the barkeep these days, anyway? I guess I'll have to help myself.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 07:15 AM

It was a long way away from the Christmas Tavern, but Sandra and Freda were determined to get there. They wandered down the main street of Kings Cross in Sydney, and turned a corner.

There, by the side of the road, was an ancient sleigh, with wooden possums and koalas sculpted into the sides of the sleigh's dark wooden carriage. No reindeers here, but ten hardy kangaroos, rampant and rampaging. Freda looked at Sandra, who nodded. In they climbed, sitting up in their red and green robes, laughing as those magnificent roos leapt into the skyline.

Across the wide blue harbour, over the tops of the opera house sails, and into the indigo night they flew, over stately ghost gum trees, past mustard clouds up through the sparkly stars of the Southern Cross.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 08:53 AM

Meanwhile at the bottom of a lonely dark country lane in Gloucester Patsy spied an old country inn called the Christmas Tavern. The door was ajar and glowed a welcoming glow which seemed to be beckoning her to it. As she looked round the door the portly white wiskered barman smiled and asked 'what will it be?' 'Oh I will have a double scotch and some of that scrumptious buttery shortbread you have on display there sir. On finishing the last crumb Patsy got on her feet and made her way out of the door back to the gloomy outside to continue her journey home. Looking back she gasped, the place had completely vanished, was she going mad? She would have thought that was the case except for the tell-tale crumb of shortbread at the corner of her mouth.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 10:59 AM

"Four Pterodactyls
Three octupi
Two noisy ducks
And there's Liz in the Loo again!"


SINS, full of Christmas cheer and some libations, dances to the Ladies in search of The Squeak and grabs a JD on the rocks while passing the bar.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 01:47 PM

When I have crossed the ba-a-a-ar
When I have crossed the bar
Let there be no Lizzie in the loo
When I have crossed the bar


And she settles into a booth to recover her sense of decorum. Down behind the cushion sticks out the corner of a plastic card - Bert's!
It's a Get Out Of Jail Free card. Will be useful at some point.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 02:00 PM

Dazed from drugs and pain, he collapses into the bed that appeared, his horse well cared for with oats and barley at the bar.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 02:08 PM

And the barman says "Why the long face?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 03:20 PM

"mmmm Horse meat with oats and barley!" Exclaims Higgs the Bos'n

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 04:25 PM

Meanwhile way way deep out in the sticks, in the middle of the mulga, in Bullamancka the other side of the black stump, a little wombat (we know she's a girl because she is wearing a ribbon round her neck) poked her head out of her burrow to see a sleigh disappearing in the distance.

"Wait, wait for me!" she called out......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Wolfhound person
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 04:51 PM

A door rattles. A grey hairy paw comes through a small gap, carefully hooking its claws so as to open the the door just enough to admit one wolfhound, covered in snow.

A good shake, a quick slurp from the water bowl some kind person has left by the door, and she's off to the bar - reaching that shortbread shouldn't be difficult for a dog 2 metres tall on its back legs. Just a couple of pieces for a snack then off to a warm corner by the fire to curl up for a snooze.
Once she thaws out she'll uncurl and lie across the room, upside down with all four legs in the air, contented. Don't trip over her!

Meanwhile the person with her'll have a whisky with lemon and honey to dispel the cold symptoms, and will sit in a quiet corner and watch the fun, hoping she'll feel a bit better come the solstice.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 09:19 PM

fortunately the kangaroos hear the faint cry & whirl around to pick up the little wombat.

sandra & freda wondered why they were going back, then saw the reason & made room for the wombat & off they flew

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 10:44 PM

The space behind the bar is lit by the glow of a few beer signs and well-placed up-lights along the dark wall planks. An occasional puff of smoke from the grill out back drifts into the room through a door that stands ajar. The hum of the walk in refrigerator is barely audible. The jukebox has blues and folk selections with a few humorous popular songs thrown into the mix. Someone has selected one of Ed McCurdy's Dalliance albums to set the mood this evening. Behind the bar, in the glow of a laptop screen, Sage can be seen to be scrolling through Mudcat pages to find that Shortbread recipe that Bert posted.

After reading the post about the Oz sleigh, Sage wandered over to the Southern door to watch for the arrival of this Roo-drawn sleigh, hoping that the be-ribboned wombat was able to hitch a ride - and what a beautiful ride that must be!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 10:53 PM

The Door burst open and in came a bright red sedan chair carried by eight tiny lackeys. It was Rupert Murdoch! "All right ye blokes and Sheilas! I've had a visit from three ghosts and I've promised to change me ways! Free cell phones for all! And I promise not to hack them!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: JennieG
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 12:19 AM

The little wombat (wombatette?) climbed aboard the sleigh and snuggled between a couple of large parcels. Because some of her life was lived underground she had never been up in the sky before......and what a wondrous place it was! Even the man in the moon smiled as the gaily happily beribboned ve-hicle glided gently by. From a long long way away a sound could just could be heard...."ho....ho....h..o....".......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: JennieG
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 12:21 AM

.can't get a decent typist these for love nor money...these days.....obviously not paying enough love or money.......

--Mudelves, while generally invisible, enjoy a leisurely visit to the Tavern and are happy to flick a missing letter or two when needed

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 04:17 AM

A duck, dozing in the corner pew (has he really been snoozing there since the Tavern's door last closed?), raises an eyelid and mutters...
"I thought it was the Indecent typists you got for love and money..."
He drifts off back into semi-oblivion...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: JennieG
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 04:20 AM

Duck, I believe it used to be!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: ossonflags
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 08:13 AM

No.............. dont get any of this..........Is this an American thing?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 09:02 AM

I'll have whatever the wombette is smoking. Very 60s.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 12:16 PM

Global, ossonflags, there are doors into the Mudcat Tavern hewed by representatives of many nations.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Psychomorris
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 05:31 AM

As we stood outside the Tavern we wondered where the snow dribblers have gone this year. No writings in the snow. 'How will others find their way'? we asked. 'How will ossenflags cope with flying wombats and snow dribblers'? Nocturnal mutterings were seen in the cold air of the North as we headed back into the tavern for some warm wassailing. 'Seen any shelias on your travels'? was a faint sound heard on the stormy winds. 'Blowed if I have'! was the chorus of replies. 'Only seen a little fat man in a green suit, calling for olive to go faster'. And so we retired once again into the Christmas Tavern and called for pints of Hole Hearted to raise a Christmas toast to mudcatters of all nations.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 09:39 AM

Meanwhile, still under the influence of pain-killing drugs, the swordsman lay still. A bottle of pure Irish whisky hung like an IV drip, the tube ending in his mouth. Nearby his faithful steed was dancing a polka.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 12:23 PM

Since the steed had dots all over it, we figured it could dance. "Up yours with a red hot polka!", it whinnies, but is pooh-poohed by those who want to keep McCurdy on the box.

Severn ambles slowly to the bar and orders a Hanson's Diet Pomegranate Soda. His left arm can now raise to about 70%. He's been walking and excercising in swimming pools for therapy these days, but walking through cranberry Jell-o is not his thing. It's not diet, for one thing, even though the excercise would be low resistance. His old friend the Squid extends a tentacle and says to come join him, but he's not about to fall for that trick and get pulled in.

"Hmmmmm....", he thinks, "In past years, we had those Yule Gibbons, The Hairy Simian Chorale, and the Mhari Khrishmas from India in the
year we left everything to chants, and the Season's Cretans from Greece singing 'Santacles Is Coming To Town'. I wonder who the scheduled entertainment is this year? Australians, maybe?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 03:56 PM

70% is good thinks gnu as he hears Severn tell the patronage of his progress.

He wends his way the the bar, slowly but determined to drink away the pains and sits next to an old lad that seems familiar but that he cannot place. He orders, "KEEP, fire me up a Johhny Stay and pour me a Black 'orse wit anudder beside it." He looks at the old fellah beside him and asks, "Where do I know ye from?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 05:19 PM

The old man chuckles "Ho, ho ho!" through his white beard.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 06:46 PM

gnu asks, "Seriously, you look familiar. I just cannot place you. What's your name, jolly old fellah?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: frogprince
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 08:24 PM

"Bell", he replies; "Alexander Graham Bell; and yours?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 08:55 PM

"and I am his elf. Dennis Kucinich." said a voice from under a barstool.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 09:56 PM

This is not going well. Where is MMArio and his culinary skills? All I have are some Swanson TV dinners and they all have that crappie brownie that either burns or goes sticky.
Another JD please. This could be a long week.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: JennieG
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 10:09 PM

While the little wombette was snuggling under some large sacks of .....stuff......in the sleigh, a dream began forming in her little head. The fresh green grass that grew in abundance near her home burrow suddenly started growing flowers of all colours, yellow, red, orange, even some purple (the bruised ones trodden on by clumsy walkers) growing taller and taller, while little elves started popping their teeny little heads out of the flower centres. The purple flower elves had tiny black eyes.

From the tree above there came a deep growl......

"Could it be a fearsome drop bear?" she asked herself in her dream?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 12:24 AM

Sage nearly splattered shortbread crumbs on her monitor when she read Mary's remark about Swanson TV dinners. She finished baking a batch of Bert's shortbread and was trying it with a mouthful of Scotch. Forgetting that Bert said a mouthful of cookie with a sip of Scotch. She'll feel better in the morning.

Knowing that the crowd at the Mudcat Christmas Tavern could do with some real gourmet holiday food, Sage brought in the famous cook, Dolla Peen, who cooks primarily with butter. Some of you may know her from her chocolate-covered stick of butter. She is in the kitchen basting a roast half-beef on a spit with a mix of garlic, secret sauce, and melted butter.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Psychomorris
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 05:12 AM

At last a chance for the snow dribblers to appear, the mere thought of that secret sauce should be enough to bring them out. But drop bears? My! my! those purple flower elves have been busy this year. Still another single malt was ordered ''this should edit that idea of elves and work to reinstate the little fat bearded gent in green'' said one of our group as we drained our glasses. Atnas! Atnas! Atnas! Three cheers for the little gent was chanted as we walked backwards for Christmas. Well we tried walking sideways and walking to the front. The tavern said ''stop there we have heard this before.'' Somewhere a noise was heard, as it fell through the trees and landed on a patch of swiftly moving green and red cabbages. Onward! Onward they chorused.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 02:49 PM

A huge northern elk of the reindeer variety stirred from its sleep position under the cardboard that had been thrown into the large recycle bin behind the Tavern. The journey that brought it to this place seemed surreal - out for a test flight with Santa one minute, the next, hit by an out-of-control drone from Iranian scientists as they practiced with the booty from their GIS raid. Pow! and Dasher went from lead deer on the right to tumbling ass-over-applecart down into Mudcat land. Santa had watched the slow-motion tumbled descent and knew Dasher would come to no harm, so, due to a need to get everyone else home for further delivery operations, he left the scene. Perhaps not a good move.

It was a soft landing in the bin of shredded paper and cardboard, but the Giant Squid was nearby and decided that perhaps venison instead of calamari should be on the menu this year. Quickly moving over to the recycle area, his many arms retrieved cardboard from an adjacent bin to throw in on top of the limp animal, then slammed the top closed to keep the dazed Dasher confined until the discussion of roast meat should arise.

Hours, even days passed, before Dasher finally staggered from under the bulk of the corrugated and with bits of shredded paper still clinging to his coat, staggered in the back door of the Mudcat Christmas Tavern.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 03:47 PM

Meanwhile, behind the bar Wambetty and Severn are deep frying a chocolate covered butter stick because they know that calories can't live in the Tavern.

They throw one over to The Giant Squid who immediately forgets about the calamari.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 04:26 PM

All of a sudden Bobert's buried train bursts through the rocks on the *hillside with the Engineer singing "I never died said he".





*I guess that it must have been a JOE Hillside.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 07:35 PM

... "Bell", he replies; "Alexander Graham Bell; and yours?"

"gnu, a simple gnu, one of the millions of people your company charges millions of dollars in cover charges to come to this tavern. Ya know, with all the money you make, ya'd think you wouldn't have to have your telemarketers pester me for more money. If I wasn't a relatively peaceful man, I'd kick yer ass."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST, Eb
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 02:51 AM

It is a mere accident of fate that brings Ebbie to the door.   Thoroughly lost she has been following the aroma of good whisk(e)y for a good two miles.

Not until she pushes open the dragging door does she recognize the ol' tavern. Notwithstanding the long streamers of frothy spider webs hanging from the walls and ceiling and the puffy depths of dust on the bar, it is unmistakably the once-beloved haunt. Can it really have been that long? she wonders?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 08:53 AM

"Oh, It certainly is that long!" said the lumberjack as he swept her into his arms.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 09:38 AM

Oh good. A weekend away and things are shaping up says, Auntie SINS as she carefully wraps Dasher's injured paw and tosses another deep fried stick of butter to the Squid.
Little does he know he's being marinated.
The roast smells lovely. Maybe I'll join the cook and put together some scalloped potatoes for a side dish.
Dasher nestles into the bed of spruce branches near the coal fire provided by that handsome engineer. Funny - I don't remember that particular door from last year but the stones will make a lovely paved walk to the front door.
Ebbie - come join me in the kitchen and we'll see if we can rustle up a dinosaur or two for old times.
And SINS hums her way to the kitchen being sure to wash her hands carefully after handling the assorted wildlife.
No - not you, Ebbie. The reindeer and that slimy squid!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Megan L
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 09:44 AM

Drat this place has a front door I've been squeezin through the selkie flap naebudy tells me nufin. there is now Skullsplitter on tap and a case of Highland Park behind the bar

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST, Eb
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 11:02 AM

Ebbie considers and decides: The dinosaur is tempting but she still doesn't like to cook.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 11:30 AM

"Spotted owl stuffed into California condor...yum!" he mutters, still under the influence of drugs.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 01:36 PM

SINS decides on comfort food - a pot pie. Let's see. We have four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge along with six geese and twelve swans and, of course, one DUCK! She ducks as the pteradactyl rushes overhead and makes his escape thru the Ally Oop door. No dinos this year.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 02:23 PM

The engineer eyes the tiny reindeer... "Helloooo, breakfast. SINS, where's the pancake mix and the maple slurpup?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST, Eb
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 02:40 PM

Not to bring political thinking into this but this year could we possibly have an intriguing new stew that I've recently heard of? Consists of equal parts horse and rabbit. One horse, one rabbit.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: frogprince
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 04:30 PM

Has everyone but me heard about that stew? :) Or is it an obvious reference, and I'm being brain dead?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 04:45 PM

You stew. I am firin up Bambi. KEEP... a round of Pepsi and Screech fer the lot! If yer all good little boys and girls, I'll break out some bo'les a mooze and saute some spuds and onions fer a scoff. I'd treat ya ta some deer steaks and pancakes with maple slurpup but it's a TINY reindeer, eh?

No worries, Santa still has 8 a them with Rudy on strength... well, 9 if count Olive. Hmmm... he only has reins for 8. Olllive... ya want a nice carrot... here ya go... come and get the carrot dear little deer...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 07:00 PM

As for the stew, are we willing to get into the habit? We must appoint a Habbit Foreman to be in charge of the stew.
"The best I could find is a rabid horse", says gnu. "And I don't want to sacrifice my rabbit chasing hound, 'cause he's the dog of the hare that bit me. Luckily, I've had my rabbies shots. Can we substitute this pookah, instead.
What pookah? I don't see a pookah", asks the crowd

A little late, but still just in time, the aligator, as usual, comes in through the alley gate at a lumbering gait, muttering alley-gations to himself, and towing two Radio Flyer wagon-loads of Cajun food and spices, compliments of famed New Orleans chef Michael Rodeboadicheaux.

One of The Godess's bats flies down to Wombatty and says, "Hey, Cousin, why don't you hang up in the rafters with the rest of us. We don't want you to become Cousin Cuisine. I remember some French movie about that. They're rounding up the animals faster than Noah."

Hmmmm.....Frogprints! Frog passum this way not long ago, Chemo Sabe", Tonto says to Severn. Legs tastum like chicken." Tonto goes on the hunt.

The Doves, which it turns out are only Mock Turtle, withdraw into thier shells, and the voice of the turtle shall not be heard in the land tonight.


Gnu might be angry over being one for whom the Bell over-tolls, but Severn's in a friendly mood.
"Alexander Bell," says Severn, extending a hand (the right one, where the arm extends all the way). "The name rings a Gram. Pleased to finally meet you," he says as he backs up a few steps to take a picture of the visiting celebrity with his cell phone. Alexander, qiute confused, just looks at him and the phone quizically.

Hmmmm.....Frogprints! Frog passum this way not long ago, Chemo Sabe", Tonto says to Severn. Legs tastum like chicken." Tonto goes on the hunt.

Looks like one frog better be careful or he might make the annual Christmas Party Hop. "Quick, he cries, somebody kiss me!" Liz rushes out of the loo and obliges and the frogprince now looks like just another Catter.
"Whew, that was close!", says FP.
"Wanna get closer?" asks Liz, while the line for the lone loo at last gets longer with those who'd been circling on an endless holding pattern in lieu of an open loo.
The Squid, seeing his beloved Liz in the arms of another, seethes red with rage and green with envy. He looks very seasonal, actually...

What's the seafood dish this year, "Cala-a-la-Mmario"?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 07:13 PM

Yo, Sev... who's that senior knitizen over by the stove in the rocker with the shawl on the go?

As fer the seafood, I'd rather lobst er than be octipied.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 07:36 PM

What? The one whose son is on the other side of the stove whistling along with the teakettle? She doesn't look like Jaqui, that's for sure.

Hey, boy, cozy up to that kettle and please bring me a cup of Jasmine. No sugar....

The invisible pookah walks up to the bar and asks the aligator, who's making himself useful so as not to be stew meat, to make him a Wollbanger. The gator looks around to see where the voice came from in vain, but sees money fall on the bar and a glass seemingly banging the bartop all by itself, so he shruga and fulfills and fills full the request. The pookah tells him to keep the change....

"Where's the Ranger?", Eb asks Tonto.
"He out on loan tonight." replies the Faithfull Indian Companion.. "But with Ranger 1, Chantyranger and others, you seem to havum no shortage of them here."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 07:47 PM

No sugar?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 08:13 PM

They look like they're getting as old as we are! How'd THAT happen?

My second guess on the couple by the stove would've been "Ma & Son Kettle". Still waiting on that tea.....

The bats have rigged up a net they found somewhere out in the big storage barn outside while they unsuccessfully try to teach young Cousin Wombatty how to hang upside down from the tavern rafters. Wombatty keeps jumping back up there to try it again.
Severn examines the net and reads the inscription 'Property Of The Flying Wallendas' from back before they became known as the Falling Wallendas. "So THAT's what became of it! They'd been looking all over creation for that thing!", he thought. "One should never work without a net. Look what happened to The Mickey Mouse Club. One man's net loss is another's net gain, I guess."......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 09:09 PM

SHIT! I know they are around here somewhere....where's that bottle of little blue pills? Sev is off his meds again and apt to piss off the squid, Liz, eight tiny reindeer, most of Russia and Iraq as well as me.
We will tuck a few into the cream puffs and he'll never know the difference.
And if anyone tries to add Dasher to the stew, they will have me to deal with. Poor little guy has had enough drama for one day.
SINS kneels in the spruce branches, pats old Dasher's furry head and slips a carrot to him so that the squid can't see.
Now where's that DUCK?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 09:24 PM

'say it's net so,' he murmurs in a incoherently and lower-caseidly.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Dec 11 - 10:09 PM

"Hmmmm." Sage watches the YouTube video on a laptop behind the bar. "All of those rockers are sitting down for that performance. Rockers ready for rockers."

That reindeer seems to have shrunk coming indoors. He was much much larger outside. Must be part of Santa's magic.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Severn, very much ON his meds
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 05:45 AM

Severn, being diabetic, is forbidden to partake of the creme de puffe, but is free to feed the pastries that he saw SINSULL spike to all the hungry animals, as he gives one to a swooping bat.

'How could my friend SINSULL dessert me like this after all these years?", he laments to himself.

"Hey squid, stick your hands out! These are better than butter!"

I can't give one to Dasher without distracting SINS. Hmmm.....
"Hey, SINS, how would you like a peacock for your fowl stew?"

"Maybe I should give one to the......DUCK!"...And he does...

SINSULL, you have no idea the corucopea of meds that I DO take for the burn pain. No blue ones at the moment, though. Ironically, the doc took me off those blue iron pills when I stuck to the office refridgerator. What WERE they?

The (still) long line at the bathroom door are now chanting in unison, "Loo-eee, Loo-eee, whoa, baby, we gotta go, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah". They refrain from singing any verses, 'cause no two of them would sing them the same.....

It turns out that the "four coleen birds" are female Irish Green Linnets.....

A drugged bat flies headfirst into a rafter and falls, stunned, into the net.
"Are you feeling under the weather?", asks another bat.
No, just feeling a bit under the radar.", his semi-conscious buddy replies....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 09:11 AM

rapparee, being diabetic, has done the math and now has two hoses into his mouth -- one insulin and the other 25 year old single malt irish whisky. being injured,he just lays back and sucks it all in.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Dec 11 - 10:07 AM

Alexander Grahm Bell sits fascinated, playing with Severn's cell phone, learning all the tricks, taking photos (but not as many as wincing devil. NOBODY takes more photos than wincing devil),texting and playing games, all the while muttering to himself, "Now why didn't I think of that?".....

Dasher, having consumed a blue pill in his cream puff and feeling no pain, decides to go flying and is now swooping around with the bats.....

Where are the Australians? Tonto, go find them!....

What IS in the stew at the moment? I lost track.....

Where's the Old Lady's whistling son with my Jasmine Tea?....

Sev is a little under the weather, he forgot to sign his name. . . --mudelf sneaks back into hiding in the recovery ward closet

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: freda underhill
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 03:40 AM

Meanwhile, back at the South Pole, Sandra and Freda were wandering about, a little dazed. Were they imagining things, or was that a giant wombat on the back of the sleigh?

"Freda, you're imagining things," said Sandra.

The kangaroos were taking a break, and were lying back by a snow-filled billy-bong, having a smoko.

"A billy-bong?" said Bobert.

"It's a sort of an Antipodean pipe", said Freda, "It's a two-in-one and has a billy underneath it for the tea."

Meanwhile, the roos were getting ready to roll, and Sandra and Freda leapt into the sleigh - "Turn left and go straight ahead" cried Sandra, while Freda called out, "let the roo see the rabbit". It was on for one and all, but would they make the Mudcat Christmas tavern in time?

"I still think it's a giant wombat" said Freda.

Past melting glaciers, past water-bound poilar bears, past sunburnt penguins they flew (were these FLYING kangaroos then?) coasting across clouds, skidding through the sunset and ....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 04:43 AM

Well I had this crazy dream about flying kangaroos, wombats and Santa all at the Christmas Tavern, the one at the bottom of the lane in Gloucester. So I thought I would take another walk just to satisfy my curiousity that I hadn't imagined it and sure enough there it was all glowing and welcoming so in I went. Inside was the same portly bewhiskered barman flushed and clearly stressed out surrounded by hopping flying kangaroos and the most gorgeous wombette all fluffy wearing a pink sparkly collar. 'Yes you guessed it he said I am Santa and I thought I would deliver presents for children with an Antipodean theme this year and give poor old Rudolph a rest.' He served me a tot of whiskey when I finished my drink I rummaged around in my pocket to pay him and instead of money somehow it had changed to a pocket full of carrots. 'This is all I have' I said. 'That would be perfect for them all, especially Wombetta wombat who is only young and has been fretting. Pre-Christmas nerves, you know!' He sighed with relief. Each animal was satisfied and ready to get into some sort of flying order and Wombetta who had pride of place in the front of the sleigh alongside Santa. 'Just one thing, you must promise never to tell a soul what you have seen or the magic won't happen' Reluctantly I promised and went on my way. I turned again to see if the Tavern was still there but just as the last time it was gone.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Severn
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 06:45 AM

Too bad you couldn't stay, Patsy. It's a lot of fun here, but it's no Brigadoon. You don't get trapped here for life. You come and go as you want to, and you may get addicted for life. We'll still be here when you need us when we open on holidays and Getaway time. We'll be here til New Years this time. You may not be telling a soul of what you saw, but you ain't seen nothin' yet. Come back when you can.

If you're the Patsy who sings with Elmo, bring him too.

The boy finally brings me my tea, and I find out that he can't talk and can only comunicate by whistling. I could never whistle, so I ask for a lesson. Fine tea.....

Someone's put a Santa hat on Mr. Bell and after a few drinks, he's eenjoying playing the part. Be careful which whitebearded guy you talk to. It looks like Stilly's passing out Santa hats all around.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 09:05 AM

No Liz in the loo. I think she is caught in an alternate reality called Facebook. Doesn't require Bert's credit card apparently.
SINS sits alone at the bar sipping her JD and humming Christmas carols.

Dasher got run over by a wombat
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve
You may think there's really no Australia
But as for me and Dasher - we believe.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 09:40 AM

Those aren't Santa hats, Sage responds, they're holiday themed tea cozies. But you may wear them as hats if you wish.

Despite the unusual mix of livestock, Sage thinks fondly back to the days when there were christmas trees hanging from the rafters, swinging with riotous results and providing safe harbor for ducks. A tree . . . that's what we need. She heads out the back door and is followed by Dasher who grows large once he steps outside the tavern. She reaches into the garden shed behind the dumpsters and pulls out a Stihl chain saw and heads into the wooded area behind the tavern. "Let's the two of us deliver a tree to the tavern for the holidays."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:12 AM

knowing that, although grievously hurt there is still work to do, he gets to his feet and again unsheaths his blade. people back away, in fearaand loathing as if this were las vegas, but he executes a proper grand salute and re-sheathes. thousands of tiny diamond clear lights have appeared on [in?] the walls, rafters, ceiling -- on any surface -- backed in deepest blue and tracing accurately the sky of a moonless night as seen from the home of each of the lookers.

'that'll cause some navigational errors,' he thinks as he drifts back to his meds and his tubes.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:48 AM

Frogprince keeps a wary eye on Tonto (is that actually Jay Silverheels?), and hopes that kiss from Liz doesn't wear off while he's still prowling around with that tomahawk. If only Brace Beamer (the real Lone Ranger) would show up and get him out of here and back on the trail of justice in the old west or something.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Frogprince in Wisconsin
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 11:50 AM

Frogprince also then notices that he left his cookie at home in Michigan.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Megan L
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 12:27 PM

Olive eyes up the big man holding out a carrot to her. But being a lassie sundear shes no daft and smells the cookpot. she eases closer thinking the poor shmuck wont know what hit him he obviously doesn't know i am Olive the intrepid ninja reindeer.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 01:19 PM

Now, what's Olive doing waving that can of Bud at me? She's pointing at the carrot. Hmmm... deer or beer? I'll go for the beer.

HOLY %^$%$%(*)&!!! Where's the can? I gotta a carrot... WHERE'S THE CAN?!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 01:38 PM

Has anyone warned Sage about the door system here? She just wandered out among the Great Sequioas with a chain saw. I think it's illegal even in this universe.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 03:23 PM

Chain saw? Nevermind that! I got a carrot up my ass. Where's the can? And that little deer better be able to dodge like that kung foo guy when I get back.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Megan L
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 03:38 PM

Granny approaches Gnu with a very long pair of tongs "Don't worry lad just open your mouth and granny will remove thet carrot"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 03:47 PM

Sage, astride Dasher's back, hangs a right at the ocean and heads for her native Pacific Northwest. Since native trees growing in healthy plantations are stately with widely spaced branches, she and Dasher head for a tree farm near Shelton, Washington, and slinking along the fenceline, pick a large pruned pyramid shaped silver fir (Abies amabilis). Vroom! vroom! the blade leaps to life then slices through the tree base like a hot knife through butter. Before it has had time to fall Dasher steps close, butts his head into the lower branches, flinging the tree across his back.

The return trip is rather difficult as Sage has to climb aboard and into the tree to cling to boughs to stabilize the tree on the bid deer's back. Dasher briefly staggers as he struggles to see where he was going then off they go, heading back over the bottom end of Puget Sound, passing the Columbia River, past the Rockies, and back to the tavern.

"Easiest way to get that tree in there, Dasher, is to drop in down through the existing hole in the roof." The two landed on the highest point of the tavern's roof and after Sage slips off his back, Dasher leans forward to dislodge the tree into the hole. As the very tall pyramid shaped tree slides through the hole, voices are suddenly heard below, and then there is a "thud."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 04:38 PM

What was that thud? Oh dear, it was the duck. Duck muck stew, I guess.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 04:51 PM

Watching Severn casting a keen eye around for more animals to cook, Megan the Selkie (Not realizing that the Selkie door was installed just for her) hastily transform back into her human shape.

She heads to the bar and orders a pint of the vile black stuff, while keeping a close watch on the Inuit in the corner eating deep fried butter sticks. And thinking, 'I'd better not change back into a seal while he is still around.'

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 06:13 PM

I knew it!
One less Giant Sequoia to worry about...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Severn
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 07:00 PM

I kinda liked Megan in a Selkie nightgown. That look was just the Christmas seal of approval....

I wasn't looking for animals to cook, I was just trying to keep up with the plot and the whereabouts of all the beings involved.

Inuit? I knew it!

Do we now call Sage "Stihl-ly"

Sage hums "Stihlly Nacht" as she trims the tree. The Silver Fir is perfect!

Granny, with the help of her whistling son, gives a big yank and the carrot is safely removed. However, in the process, gnu gets turned inside out, which is NOT a pretty sight. What can we do for him, other than to call him "ung" for the time being? SINS, where did you stash the wand? Is there a Doctor in the house?
As if on cue, in walks Nurse Ratched with a full-to-bulging medical bag and the most fiendish grin you'll ever hope not to see......

"No, Dasher!" shouts SINS. "Don't eat that carrot!"

But Nurse Ratched, in the name of revised Republican Health Care, doesn't seem to carrot all.

All the King's Horses and Men stand in reserve. Poor, poor ung......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Severn
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 07:17 PM

Meanwhile, a pipe band strikes up the "Gory-Owen"....

Pray for his re-gnu-al. Bring back the old gnu!....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 07:34 PM

Ahem! More glue re-gnus! Now... where's that breaky? I gotta a carrot ta pick wit er. Ninja my ass.

Well, yeah, but not this time. I'm packin a jovial blade.

Instead of spa, we'll drink brown ale
And pay the reckoning on the nail;
No man for debt shall go to jail
From Gorryowen in glory.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 09:04 PM

...gives a big yank...

Now don't bring Big Mick into this or he'll drink us dry.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 11 - 09:54 PM

'drink us dry,' he hears.

well, okay. best get started then, and downs a keg of nut brown ale, paying on the nail so he doesn't go to jail. indeed, lest bacchus' daughters and sons be dismayed he says, 'join with me, each jovial blade, drink and sing and lend your aid to pay for this spree of glory.'

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: My guru always said
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 03:11 AM

Sniffing through the cat-flap, Rusty, the black&white cat, is drooling at the thought of roasted Aurochs meat. Ears twitching at the strange sounds coming from within, she thought, 'sounds like quite a party going on, think I'll just creep inside'.

Keeping out of the way of all the feet, and watching out for tentacles sliding around near the Jello pit, Rusty investigates the room. Though she'd like to go into the kitchen to check on the quality of the cooking and find out what was smelling so good, she opts for cosying up. Spotting a handy lap belonging to a nice-looking Gent, she jumps up and snuggles down.

The nice Gent absently strokes the tired, hungry Cat, teasing the seeds and twigs that she's picked up on the road out of her fur.

'MMmmm', she purrs contentedly. 'I can wait for something to eat, but I wonder if anyone has a drop of Baileys to spare?'

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 08:57 AM

Gnu. I learned this trick from Captain Kendall. Run towards me and DON'T STOP> Rtached is after you with a pair of tongs.

As gnu runs headlong into Auntie SINS she thrusts her hand down his throat, gullet and nether regions. With a quick snap she turns and changes directions while gnu, with a painful roar, turns himself right side out.


DASHER! Don't lick Auntie SINS arm.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Psychomorris
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 09:07 AM

Unfortunately the nice bearded old gent having had a few stiff ones, had forgotten his allergy to felines. He gave an enormous sneeze that rattled the windows shook the peace out of all there. Poor old rusty snapped out of the topor and drooling, shot up and through the open kitchen door. handy thought Severn ''I,m not looking for animals to cook'', 'but hey' !''meat on the run should liven up any pot.''Severn looked proud, as he swaggered into the bar with his new Davy Crocket black and white styled hat. and so...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:39 AM

'another barrel, and put it on everyone else's tab!' he roars and continues to drink the place dry.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 11:38 AM

Once the tree is in place and decorated with LED light strings and many antique glass ornaments, Sage's gaze travels around the room, then moves back to Psychomorris. That's a large, stunning hat - but it just blinked at her. "Erm . . . MGAS . . . you may need to retrieve your "hat" before Psychomorris tries to throw it up on the moose antlers in the rafters."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 02:17 PM

Eat what you want:

World's Unhealthiest Cookbook

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 02:23 PM

Severn, non-smelly skunkskin hat on head from out of his car, walks in petting the scared cat.
"Aren't you Rusty?", he coos to the snuggling cat.
"No, just a little out of practice, is all", the feline replied.
"I know how you feel, li'l buddy", says Severn soothingly.
"My kind of cat!", he thinks to himself.
The hat was a gift from when Crockett himself visited the tavern.

It's great news to see good old gnu as good as new, the way the gnu of old was known to us all.
"How do you feel?"

Nurse Ratched wanders too close to the Jell-o pit and after eating several tentacles-full of drug-spiked creampuffs and now continuously turning more colors than just green and red and feeling rejected by Liz, he grabs her and pulls her into an embrace in his cranberry red lair. Her nurse's torture bag falls far out of reach, somewhere poolside.....

- - - Sev, the forgetful

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 02:35 PM

Rusty, the cat reminds Severn that he didn't sign the last thread.

"Thank you! Another bottle of Hanson's for me and some catnip tea for my friend!'

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 03:26 PM

After sitting down at the rustic table, the bearded man asked for "a Christmas Donair, extra sauce on the side, and a triple Black Navy Rum on the rocks. I don't care what brand rum", he said to the freckled and red haired tavern tart.

"I don't know what a donair is", she quipped back, "let alone what a Christmas one is?" You'll have to stick to the menu, it's on the wall, written out on the blackboard. I'll return with your drink and give you more time sorting out what you want to eat"".

On returning, she passed him his drink, which he shot back quickly. "Do you have Newfie fries, or PEI fries with the works", he asked, in a gravelly voice, and a slight cough from the rum.

""No sir, she said, in frustration. We onty have what's on the blackboard.""

So, you don't have real tavern grub, just uppiddy crap like nachos, chicken wings and other bird parts, he quizzed? And, why don't you have Christmas donairs?""

""Like I said, we only what's written on the menu board"", she shortly replied back to the patron. ""Do you need more time to look over the menu?""

He reached into his bag, pulled out a full salmon, which seemed to be about five pounds, and slapped it onto the table. "Can you ask the cook to fry this up for me," he asked?

Startled, she said, ""no sir, please take it off the table and put it back into your sack. Do you have an order to make from the board?""

"Ok, he said, I get the message, I'll take my business down the street, where they know good tavern food and treat folks with respect. And, you call this a tavern, he said, as he walked out the door.""

Shortly after he left snorts and jingles were heard. They looked out, and the bearded gentleman was flying through the air sleigh, deer and all.

Imagine that, Santa eats donairs (and, not gyros) Cdn Maritimes donairs

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 06:39 PM

And meanwhile gnu is sitting in the corner sipping a Glenfiddich and repeatedly muttering 'and he to keep the cold side outside put the outside fur side inside, he to keep the warm side inside put the inside skin side outside'

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 07:09 PM

Am I inside or out? For years I have wished some young lady would grab my nether regions but not quite like that. Not that I am complaining, but could you give them a few more yanks, SINS? I haven't quite learned my lesson.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 07:40 PM

As the little wombette snuggled under the parcels on the big sleigh she heard a tinkle...and another.....then another.....then all was silent again. Rousing herself (not an easy thing to do you know, she was up very early this morning) she gently tore a hole in the paper wrapping.

"Ooooohhh, bubbles!" she said....."my favourite fruit" she said.

With her sharp little teeth (usually more at home nibbling grass than opening wine, but a wombat has to do what a wombat has to do, right?) she managed to get the top off, and tipped up the bottle so some of the gently fizzing liquid ran down her throat.

A very nice drop, she thought to herself. It made her feel quite mellow.

As the sleigh flew onwards through the dark night the little wombette was singing to herself every Christmas song she had ever heard, and then some - even the one about blokes and their wife's undies. However being well brought up and having led a sheltered life, she didn't know what it meant.

Just as the last drop drained into the little wombette's throat there was a screech of tails and feet, and the sleigh came to a stop.

"Where are we?" wondered the little wondering wombette as she peeked over the side.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 07:56 PM

& the hungry & thirsty roos, freda, the wombette & sandra pushed open the Australian door & entered the Tavern. Well, the wombatte wasn't particularly thirsty as she wombled thru the door, trying to avoid all the feet & hooves & walk in her usual straight line ...

"Has anyone cooked the garlic prawns?" said sandra

"No carrots for us" sez the roos, "we want traditional christmas snacks - cake & beer & Purina Reindeer Chow & mince pies & egg nog & mulled wine & ...

freda was too busy smiling at everyone & greeting friends ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Severn
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 07:58 PM

Sorry, the "he" who turns colors and grabs Nurse Ratched is, of course, the Squid. Please pardon my sentance structure.....

The holiday nurse's hat that fell off of Nurse Ratched is actually pretty cute and not the type of thing I associate with her. Surrounding the large Red Cross, it says, "I'm good for wassailing you".
But make no mistake she's a black belt with a sadistic streak, and after all these years, still doesn't really know the meaning of mercy. Ol' Squiddy's got his tentacles full, and ten may not be enough.

The alligator, still tending bar, tells the tart of a waitress that she should've taken that board for the man and planked the salmon. She doesn't realixe that Santa's closest neighbors are from Canuckistan and that he delivers them first and us second. We should hope that Santa doesn't forsake us.

Severn will probably be in the mood for a tart later, but curious about SINSULL's blue pills, he goes and sits in a corner where there is a plate with few uneaten cream puffs instead. He sticks in his thumb and pulls out one, wipes the pill off, slugs it down with a can of Hansons Diet Pomegranate, and says, "What a good boy am I!" (at least from a diabetic stand, or in this case, sit-point). He then hands the puff to a swooping bat.

Gnu the Canadian seems to only want a Yank for her yanks, without a word of thanks. Of course, there's no use offering SINS his heart. She's already seen it.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 09:10 PM

...as has everyone else. also his colon, his anterior cruciate ligament, his duodenum, his appendix, his index -- in fact, his entire table of contents.

meanwhile, a stifled quacking is heard from beneath the tree. apparently some ducks were on the spot where the tree landed.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:24 PM

Clearly the prankster who "served" Ed T really got his goat. He left before he learned that the Mudcat Tavern fare is both free and wide-ranging. Salmon is easy, and there is still some smoked salmon that Sage dropped off in the opening posts.

Sage had hoped that the air displaced by the falling tree would push aside any small animals on the floor in the tavern, but apparently this wasn't the case. Reaching deep into the dense branches, she is able to grasp a soft furry small creature and slowly pull it outward, into the light. But wait, this isn't at domestic house cat, this isn't a barnyard duck, this is a Washington State bobcat that was sleeping in the safety of the tree when it was cut!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 11 - 10:28 PM

...and the rest of the football team emerges....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 12:50 AM

A bobcat? Soft, furry, small? Able to pull it out from its perch? Wow.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 02:37 AM

The three men entered the tavern, blinking for a second against the light in the bar. Although warm and golden in nature, it stood a sharp contrast to the dark and cold outside. A small boy... whose child is this? someone might have asked. He was the bartender's seven year old son, who stopped teasing the cat, and watched the three men chafe their hands together, after gently placing three wrapped gifts on the bar top. The men sat in a row at the bar and asked for coffee. "Some Christmas cheer in your cups?" and the bartender inclined a bottle of whiskey in their directions. "No, " said the eldest of them, "We've miles to go tonight."

The boy, who stood barstool high, slowly approached, his eyes held hostage by the wrapped and ribboned gifts. The white-haired man said, as if in excuse, "these are for my Grandson" and he sipped the coffee. He smiled and told the bartender "perhaps a little bourbon might be in order," and he nodded at his friends who extended their cups for the pour."I give you," he said, "a very Merry Christmas and a Super Nova" at which the other two chuckled.

The bartender smiled quizzically and the man said "a new supernova has been discovered. We're headed to the Maxwell Planetarium to view it." The bartender poured himself a cup of coffee and said "indeed you do have far to go." He extended his hand and said "Max is my name". The man smiled, put down his cup, and said "I'm James King and these are my two sons. We're amateur astronomers. From back east you know. My daughter lives near the planetarium and we'll be staying with her for the holidays".

Max smiled and said "a new super nova. So it just happened?" The men all smiled, and James said "well, we are just now seeing it. It happened thousands of years ago." Max poured a Sprite for the boy, who had clambered up on a stool near the man. "So," said Max, "when we see it, when you see it, you are literally witnessing the distant past." The man smiled and said "great coffee. We'll have to stop again on the way back. Yes, looking deep into space is like looking back at the beginnings of all things. For me, astronomy is like a religion, I suppose." For a moment, the men were silent as the music and laughter in the background gained momentary sway. As it subsided, James drained the dregs of his cup and laid a five dollar bill on the bar. As he began to button his coat, the two others pushing their stools back, he smiled at the boy and said "what's Santa bringing you? You've been good, I hope."

The boy stared wide eyed, just shrugged, and the man patted his shoulder. That's when he grasped on to the man's coat sleeve and said "you are the three Kings. You know, like in the story. Aren't you?"

James paused, his fingers on the zipper of his leather coat, and laughed gently. "I suppose so," and he looked he looked at his sons who traded grins. The youngest said "and we're chasing a star, too, Pop. I think the kid's on to something."

James lifted the boy from the stool and, squatting in front of him, held up the red and green wrapped package and shook it. "What is it?" asked the boy. The man said "you'll have to wait until Christmas morning to find out,I suppose" and he handed the boy the gift. Max stammered "that..that's awfully nice but.." and James held up his hand and said "I thought it was for another little boy, but I just realized I was wrong, that's all. It's for this boy."

The three Kings went out the tavern door and the boy watched them drive away in a puff of smoke from their exhaust, a light snow just beginning to fall. He turned his head back to see his dad, who was busy with the other patrons. But there, on the worn wood of the bar top, the gift glowed in the back bar lights.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: My guru always said
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 03:44 AM

As soon as the small boy stopped teasing Rusty, she sat back and groomed her fur back into place. As she did so, she heard the conversations of the Kings at the bar and smiled inside. 'That's quite a story', she thought. 'Maybe someone ought to write a book about it, I wonder what will happen next?'

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 04:51 AM

"What could beat having three kings?" Severn wondered. In walks the Red Baron and two other pilots. "Hmmmmmmm. Three aces, I guess....."
"What brings you here?", asked Severn.
"Ve are vorking for Pancho, und he sent us." said The Baron mysteriously.
The pilots, as is their custom, go wash their hands....

Nurse Ratched has decided to resist the amourous charms of the Squid and a bit of a fracas arises in the pit. Cranberry Jell-o is flying everywhere from the fray. The alligator behind the bar (not the bartender with the son) is already handing out cards for a pool on who wins, and when....

I didn't know that Stilly was a Bobcat Whisperer, but the the usually fierce feline, responding to her gentle coaxing, amazingly comes out without a fight.
"Are you the only Bobcat in the tree?", she softly asks.
"Yes", he says, but you are missing a Lynx., She's in there somewhere.
Stilly puts the cat gently down, and goes to rescue the Lynx and the trapped ducks.....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 09:37 AM

the door from the south forty opens, bringing with it a blast of miasma so terrible that the needles fall off the tree and all the beer turns sour. the blast hits the ducks and they immediately denuded of feathers. behind it follows a man in filthy rags, one worse that the rest tied around his eyes, tapping his way forward with a stick.

'i be blind pee-YOU,' he says, 'and i be looking for that rascal jim 'awkins, 'im want stole me sunlight soap. have ye seen 'im about?'

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 09:39 AM

DUCK???????

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 11:17 AM

Severn wonders if Santa isn't indeed simply a paunchy pilot himself, and quaffs another Hansen's grapefruit. No, no ordinary elf could make all of those stops in one night. He must be an Elf 16.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 11:25 AM

then it happens. through the other door explodes the entire idaho legion, already drunk and armed with banjos and bagpipes!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ebbie
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 12:04 PM

It is chaos and cacophony - some of the pipers are wailing Scotland the Brave at full blast while the others are manfully and just as loudly presenting Amaxing Grace.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 01:38 PM

And through the northern door comes Maine's Jim Dandies - 25 kids on various height unicycles performing in formation to Yankee Doodle Dandy!
Kind of like Morris Dancers on crack.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 02:13 PM

After sipping far too many Glenfiddich for six hours or so, gnu was as planked as a salmon. Realizing that nature was soon to call, he struggled to get to his feet.

Weaving from side to side on the way to the "little boys room, he reached out for support, collapsing a table, knocking it and a dozen or so full beer to the floor. The proud owners of the drinks were not so happy with Mr. gnu, and rose up to give him a good thrashing as payment for his ill deed.

Plastered, but still quick thinking gnu rose to his feet. Sourrounded by the angry and fiesty lot, gnu raised his fists in drunken combat. "OK, he yelled out, who tripped me?"

The potential combatants looked at each other puzzled, and then gazed apologetically back at gnu. ""It wasn't me said one. Not me either, said the next. Nor me, said another".

Through a intoxicated gaze, gnu spitily replied, O.K. since it's Christmas, let's leave it at that.

He yelled out, Merry Christmas to everyone, as he staggered on his way to the Pissoir.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 02:54 PM

"We wish you a scary hipness" Gnu sang to the wall behind the trough. "We wish you a hairy Dismas, we wish you a cherry crispness.."here,he zipped up with a flourish..."and a Happy Blue Sphere!" The last line was declaimed with gusto at Rapparee as he entered the facility. They stared at one another briefly, then Rapparee enjoined "So bring us some figgy pudding.." and gnu immediately brought in a high harmony "yes, bring us some figgy pudding, o bring us some figgy pudding, and bring it right here!" gnu looked perplexed for a split second, then said "well, not necessarily right here." Rapparee nodded ascent and agreed "no, much better they bring it to one of the tables. Out in the pub, you know." gnu turned and gave his hands a quick scrub-off and said "right. Meet you outside then" and he exited the loo.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 03:38 PM

"as planked as a salmon"

Sounds fishy to me.

Sorry about the beers. Let me atone. KEEP. A round on the house!

What? It's yer fault fer servin me too much, Max.

What? Yeah. I was tripped. But, I'd a skipped over it if I was sober so the house should pay.

Hey! What are you doin? I don't see why... okay, I'll leave. Calm down. I know when to shut up. I am not one to go on and on. Why, once, my old man told me to shut up. Damn near starved to death. Wouldn't tell him I was hungry.

(Apologies to Foghorn Leghorn fer stealin that joke.)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 03:59 PM

""Sounds fishy to me""



No, I don't believe it was Angie's Show Place Bar and Restaurant, that I am told is famous for it's clam sandwiches:)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 06:57 PM

Well there I was, having a quiet contemplate when there was all this banging on the door!

Well, says I, I can't be having this when I'm trying to contemplate quietly....

Then this beribboned wombattette stuck her nose under the door which is just not on... I mean, I was going as fast as I could....

Then this bobcat wiggled under and started to play with the TP roll.... I ask you!!! Wot a bleedin' liberty, shredding a girl's TP when she needs it most.

I'm going to find a table to sit under - preferably one with a gerbil bottle of gin attached to it.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 06:58 PM

And the giant squid grabs a banjo and some bagpipes and plays them both at the same time.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 07:37 PM

How nice that gne remembered to wash his hands...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 07:38 PM

HMMMMMMM
Rap has only one.
Dare I ask?
I don't want him handling the figgy pudding if...oh dear

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 07:50 PM

"How nice that gnu remembered to wash his hands..."
This is a nice clean Tavern, after all, sinsull.. If we are going to be inebriated, we can still aspire to the highest levels of personal hygiene. As the First Person Omniscient Narrator, I can testify to this fact, while omitting other less attractive details.
Nudge-nudge. Wink-wink. Say no more.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 11 - 08:57 PM

well, when one hand CAN'T wash the other...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 11:13 AM

ewwww!! beak marks on the bagpipe blower!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 12:57 PM

""Hold a true friend with both hands"" African Proverb

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 01:31 PM

Colonel-General Field Marshal Gloriana Hapsburg-Battenburg-Tudor said in her command voice,'Fall in and come to attention!' the rafters shook and the roof threatened to rise at the command, but the idaho legionaires formed up into their usual formatio, described by professional military men as 'a cross between a clot and a morris dance.' in their hurry to fall in some fell on either the pile of pipes [which elicited a very unharnonious sound something akin to the last sounds of a slaughtered pig] or into the pile of banjos [which elicited great cheers].

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 02:07 PM

Rap is clearly feeling better, he's using capitalization again.

Sage drifted away for a while into the kitchen and now has to go a dozen or more posts up the thread and catch up. It'll be back and forth because she doesn't want to burn down the tavern kitchen.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 05:33 PM

Christmas tavern wishes:

Scotch christmas

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 05:38 PM

Cutty sark

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 05:54 PM

'alright, lissen up, you worthless bags of booze! this here is a decent sort of place, real high-class and toney! anyone who does anything to disgrace the Legion [all took off their hats, caps, toupees, or whatever at the sacred word] will be flogged, lick the latrines clean, and get a good scolding! now...FALL TO AND HELP THESE FOLKS CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!!!'

and with that the CGFM picked up her accordion and lit into a rousing scottische.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 06:11 PM

Spare us de tails... unless ya got pics. I loikes tails I does.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 07:14 PM

Let me have a little Scotch with that Scottische, and I'll play a little christmas harmonickee.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: KT
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 11:01 PM

Knock, knock....is there room for one more? And just in time for EJ's harmonickee?? Been wantin' to come to one of these gatherings for years!! And here's a little treat from the north country to go along with the other goodies~pickled MUKTUK!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 24 Dec 11 - 11:25 PM

What part of the moose is that?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ebbie
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 01:26 AM

Muktuk is not a mukluk.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 04:11 PM

annoyed, lanky hanky draws down on red fred. the trigger is pulled and a stream of good whiskey hits red in the mouth. fred's own stream of merlot splashes across lanky's chin.

the CGFM is no fool -- waterguns only at christmas [and the rest of the year as well].

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Amos
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 04:24 PM

If Lithe KT is gonna make the scene, the Handsome Stranger, in his long black duster and slouch hat, will not be far behind. The deep basso rumble of a '39 Indian is heard approaching from over the horizon, and the sound of flying gravel and a sliding stop is heard outside the batwing doors.

He stands in the entry, tall as winter pine and broad as history, his Martin dreadnought slung over his shoulder, and you can tell he's happy today, on account of the bugs on his teeth.

"Merry Christmas, ever'body!"

He moves gracefully to the bar and orders a Guinness.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,frogprince in Minnesota
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 06:13 PM

The kiss has worn off, but no one seems to be looking for frog legs anymore, so frogprince hops up to the sink for a big glug of water and relaxes. It's nice just to be ones self.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: freda underhill
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 09:27 PM

Sandra and freda settled down on a warm leather couch by the fire. Bemused, each with a mineral water in hand, they watched as tentacles, ragged clothes, and Nurse Ratched's hat flew past. Come over here, guys, we're better company than that old bag. And listen to the muuuuusic... JennieG glided in, her impish eyes smiling, cloaked in her long thick russet hair and a white lace gown, accompanied by Himself, ever the gentleman. Following them all came a large, dark, fat nosed hairy thing, waddling on a leash made of leather and gumnuts. It sideled up to the fireplace, and settled in for a peaceful nap. It had been hard work, hanging on to that sleigh.


"I told you I saw a wombat" said Freda.

"where have you been, anyway," said Sandra, "away or something?"

JennyG started singing a beautiful aussie Christmas song (is there a lilt of Tamworth in that beat?) and the missiles stopped, the room fell silent, and Sinsull, in her glorious red cape, came and joined the girls.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 09:39 PM

and the background could be heard 'stille nacht, heilige nacht...' from the gentleman of the highway.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: freda underhill
Date: 25 Dec 11 - 09:53 PM

That highwayman sang a haunting tune, from outside in the wild snow..

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 01:32 PM

Oh, dear! Severn overdid it a bit this year and has landed in the hospital. I didn't see him when he crept through the door to the Mudcat Recovery Ward - apparently Nurse Ratched decided to send him to a Baltimore hospital and even arranged a helicopter ride. The woman may have some spark of humanity, but I wouldn't put it past her make him go strapped to the underside like in the old Vietnam war days. There's a thread going about this new event.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 04:04 PM

Raise your glasses for Severn. One of the finest to ever grace this tavern. No long winded toast from me... simply... "To Severn."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 04:28 PM

To Severn!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Nurse Ratched
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 05:46 PM

* To Severn *








N.R.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: KT
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 08:20 PM

To Sev!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 08:59 PM

TO SEVERN!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the idaho legion responds: TO SEVERN!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 26 Dec 11 - 11:28 PM

Severn, you are missed - come back soon!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 01:34 AM

Sage sighs. A trip to the hospital sure knocks the stuffing out of the Mudcat Tavern. I guess we'll have to transport the tavern to the hospital.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 10:34 AM

jack 'er up and let's get on with it then!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 10:46 AM

Do you think his bed rolls? We could spring him from the joint, or at least move him to a larger room where more of us would fit and the ducks, cats, squid, and reindeer could participate. You know, reindeer games and all that. Someone better bring along a bathrobe. I hear those hospital gowns aren't very good at staying closed. We don't want to expose any shortcomings. . .

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 10:48 AM

Wait!
I think my inside out trick may work. I will grab the doorknob, run for the entrance to the hospital and CRASH, BAM, BOOM #@%$&**&*&!^??>

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 04:23 PM

Bed rolls? Aren't they made in bed pans?

Look! My cast is gone!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Nurse Ratched
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 11:08 PM

Well, who the hell does he think he is, making off with my syringe and partying like there's no tomorrow?

.. I know what a ham that man is. (a little salty but otherwise pretty well smoked and cured). What his heart needs is a good shot of adrenalin - I intend to come in and perform my own copyrighted form of heart massage - I put my Doc Martin's on and jump ten times on his chest. as they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

He's always been a strange one, obsessed about his tentacles and no fear of going blind with it. What he needs is some ELECTRIC CHARGED jello, the sort to give him a little shock if he engages in inappropriate behaviour with a squid.

And perhaps I could try my Latvian great grandmother's Christmas stuffed reindeer cure - beat patient with reindeer head until subject becomes limp, then insert antler into deepest orifice and grind, followed by a quick eggnog and celery douche. Follow by second shot of electric jello, underdone tile slightly sizzling.

cheerie-bye

N.R.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 11 - 10:29 AM

If anyone tries to electrify the jello pool I'm pretty sure the squid will eat them. At the very least he'll hug them like they've never been hugged before (except for LtS).

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Dec 11 - 12:15 PM

theinsideouttrickdidnotworkthistimecouldihavesomejdontherocksholdtherocksthankyou

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Ebbie
Date: 28 Dec 11 - 12:32 PM

Well now, Sins, that's neat.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 11 - 10:34 PM

Here's a barrel. Drunk up!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 29 Dec 11 - 12:09 AM

Severn, get your sorry arse back here, tout suite, chop chop, hummy hummy.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 11 - 12:34 AM

Freed of his bed of pain, he stands. He takes a great breath and says, quietly (as is his wont):

SEVERN!! GET YOUR DAMN ASS BACK HERE OR I'LL KICK IT UP BETWEEN YOUR SHOULDER BLADES TO FAR IT'LL LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE A PAIR OF STUBBY WINGS!! DO IT NOW!!!!

And hank you for your promptness in this matter.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 29 Dec 11 - 04:50 AM

Rap is always polite

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: freda underhill
Date: 29 Dec 11 - 05:59 AM

yeh, subtle, that Rap. 'n Sev - where is he? come on Sev, we wanna know how you are..

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 11 - 10:20 AM

Thank you, I try to be humble and modest and understated. There, I will buy Afterburners and Purple Jesuses for everyone in the Tavern. As many as you can stomach.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Dec 11 - 12:27 PM

HMMMM Wonder if Sev will look like all those women on Dallas with the enormous shoulder pads?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 11 - 12:30 PM

Probably more like a puny linebacker with enormous shoulder pads.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: MAG
Date: 30 Dec 11 - 11:48 AM

cant say goodbye yet

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 11 - 07:07 PM

Break out the other half of the infinite booze supply. Tomorrow's New Year's Eve!!!! We can all since NYE carols around the Christmas tree while sipping grog until we're groggy.

Maybe Sev will even stop in.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Dec 11 - 11:58 PM

A mudelf was bribed to alter the thread title in order to welcome in the New Year in the same venue. Sage noticed that things came to a screeching halt when one of our major sources of Punishment in each visit was whisked away to the facility just beyond the Mudcat Recovery Ward by our very own Nurse Ratched, and wonders if the woman has preternatural powers?

Time to shift things into high gear for the moving of Severn to a new room. Perhaps they'll manage to deliver a laptop to him and he can watch as the trebuchet is pulled out of the storeroom between the kitchen and the back door. The ONLY way to undecorate after xmas is to simply launch that tree back out of the the building by the way it came it. Through the hole, that is, and this time it doesn't need to ride a reindeer.

All cats, ducks, squid, and tiny reindeer are forewarned: Time to leave the boughs of the tree or you'll be taking a fast ride out into the cold night air, and are liable to land in a snowbank somewhere.

Perhaps Sev has heard of this pending tree-ejection and is acting in solidarity: it seems he knows that hospital IV tubing is an excellent stretchy material for lobbing objects. Nurse Ratched just got hit at 50 paces in the bum with a baked potato from his dinner tray.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 11 - 10:25 AM

That will certainly leave a hard-to-explain bruise!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 31 Dec 11 - 10:58 AM

Hot toddy, please. My furnace crapped out. It happens when you run out of oil.
So much for scheduled mdeliveries. Apparently the warm weather has thrown off their degree day system.
BRRRRRRR.
Can't wait to se how much sludge finds its way into the furnace.
SINS, cranky-er

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 11 - 11:31 AM

A bruise from the tree or the spud? You know what happens when we start launching trees, the get to wobbling or swinging, but tonight is the night and if we grease the skids with enough alcohol (straight or in mixed drinks) it should launch and people will feel no pain. It's bound to work, don't you think?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: MAG
Date: 31 Dec 11 - 12:07 PM

hm, i've got oil heat for the first time in my life -- when it ran out a couple of weeks ago, i had to figure out how to bleed air out of the line -- must i deal w/ sludge, too?

ah well, to hell w/ it; here is my recipe for cuban crema da vie -- knocks you on yer arse

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 11 - 12:27 PM

Oops. The recipe didn't come through!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 11 - 02:06 PM

Here's an idea:

We strap a couple of drums of fuel oil, even sludge, to the tree. Next to them we strap drums of liquid oxygen. We put tubes from each drum into a funnel-shaped dealy. At launch time Squiddy opens the valves and off goes the tree, launched into orbit just behind the ISS! Those folks up there can celebrate with a tree that'll be only slightly used!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 11 - 09:40 PM

The countdown has begun....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Dec 11 - 10:10 PM

Idaho time countdown?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 11 - 10:25 PM

No, just sort of a count down. You know: 10, ah...4, ...mabbe 8....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 31 Dec 11 - 11:40 PM

6

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Jan 12 - 12:08 PM

0!

Funny, I can remember 2011 just like it was yesterday . . .

SRS

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 12 - 12:23 PM

With a burst of flame and hearty "Hi-ho, silver!" the tree was rocketed into geosynchronous orbit at exactly midnight, some time zone or another. Word from the ISS is that it missed orbit and is continuing on the way towards the Moon. It's hoped that it will not interfere with the satellites NASA put in orbit there recently.

No ornaments or tinsel were lost in the launch, nor was Squiddy hurt.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jan 12 - 04:05 PM

SINS... run out of oil or did yer furnace actually die? This is worriesome either way.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Jan 12 - 05:57 PM

happy new year...quietly. We made rather merry last night.

Furnace is working/tank full. The serviceman bled the line and all is well.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jan 12 - 06:47 PM

Happy WARM New Year, Mary.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 12 - 09:32 PM

The tree takes off!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 12 - 01:24 PM

I visited the Legion Hovel this morning. Confetti and streamers all over the place, including on the still-prostrate Legionnaires.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 02 Jan 12 - 03:49 PM

Ok, I'm somewhat gehtting used to this KindleFire device my daughter gave me, so I''ll give a shortfall wintertime summary of how Christmas came about in the tavern, as nobody seemed to be counting down. Just as midnight rolls around, like some sort of mudmiracle, what looks like a giant billboard appears above, and off steps Mother Mary herself, requisite yellow circle and everything, holding a pregnancy test in right hand. Throwing it over her shoulder, she yells, "LET IT BE-E E!". Out of the newly installed Baltimore-style cuckoo clock, a Raven pops out twelve times, calling out, "EVERMORE!", as a heavenly,yet unseen choir sings something about "Joy To The World, The Lord's Come!" After a period of silent rejoicing, Secret Santa wrapping p aper starts flying around like ticker -tape from a victory parade. "Seems like we've achieved a state of Christmas.....", muses Severn...
.

AND THAT'S HOW IT WAS! I SWEAR!_

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jan 12 - 04:18 PM

What has been wreathed?

Sev... buddy... have one on me. A drink, I mean.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jan 12 - 06:55 PM

Sev, I hope you stayed away from the outflow when Rap launched the tree, it was pretty hot. I really meant only for it to land in the next county, not in geosynchronous orbit, but heck, it sure beat the heck out of fire crackers and sparklers as it took off!

I'm not sure what you used to launch it, Rap, but it went way past the moon and the darned thing scraped a bit of hide off of Mars on it's way past.

Speaking of hot, some of you look a little too apple-cheeked - it'll wear off after a couple of days, it's only first and second degree burns. The smell of singed feathers and cat hair tells me that a couple of critters waited until the last minute to abandon their perches.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 02 Jan 12 - 08:34 PM

not a Happy New year for them

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 12 - 10:00 PM

It'll heal and grow back if you don't pick at it.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Jan 12 - 01:17 AM

The skin or the planet?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 12 - 10:21 AM

Yes. Mom told me.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Jan 12 - 04:56 AM

A Hanson's diet black cherry on gnu's tab. To your Patriots,old friend!

Thank you Mr. Gator.

Alexander Grahm Bell has worn out the charge in Severn's phone andfumes as he waits for the cell phone to recharge and downs another shot......

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Jan 12 - 05:42 PM

A brief cheer goes up in the tavern as all eyes turn to the flickering old TV in the corner and hear Michelle Bachmann say she's out of the race. Then the group turns again to the more important task of picking through the rubble of tables and chairs to pick up the glasses needed by the bartender.

When the tree rocketed out of the tavern the high heat caramelized the edge of the jello pit. It is now hard and very sticky, an almost sucker-like consistency that can be broken off the edge of the pool with a hammer. It's sticky enough to pull out fillings if someone wanting a snack isn't careful. A few things were blown into the jello pit and are stuck to the surface where it was cooked by the heat.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 12 - 06:03 PM

Fortunately, the Giant Squid was underjello at the time and was unhurt.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 04 Jan 12 - 11:58 PM

You mean he was Jellied Squid and the food properties weren't harmed?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 12 - 08:42 AM

More than that, he'll serve you pieces of caramelized jello.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 Jan 12 - 12:59 PM

Oh hell! Let's close this place and get ready for Valentine's Day. We will have to steam clean the green Jell-O away before replacing it with red.


SIGH!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: gnu
Date: 05 Jan 12 - 01:56 PM

We shall never surrender.

Well... how long with the tavern be closed? Can I get a six pack of Turkey Turd Beer to tide me over? Say, that reminds me... where the heck is Spaw?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 Jan 12 - 04:03 AM

& Severn