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BS: Mudcat Christmas-WELCOME 2012 - Tavern

Rapparee 13 Dec 11 - 09:29 PM
Bert 13 Dec 11 - 09:37 PM
Jack the Sailor 13 Dec 11 - 09:42 PM
Rapparee 13 Dec 11 - 10:18 PM
mg 13 Dec 11 - 11:08 PM
Stilly River Sage 13 Dec 11 - 11:23 PM
Sandra in Sydney 14 Dec 11 - 02:04 AM
MAG 14 Dec 11 - 05:28 AM
Roger the Skiffler 14 Dec 11 - 05:42 AM
artbrooks 14 Dec 11 - 09:24 AM
Stilly River Sage 14 Dec 11 - 09:38 AM
Rapparee 14 Dec 11 - 10:39 AM
Jack the Sailor 14 Dec 11 - 01:50 PM
Bert 14 Dec 11 - 04:39 PM
Stilly River Sage 14 Dec 11 - 07:51 PM
freda underhill 15 Dec 11 - 07:15 AM
GUEST,Patsy 15 Dec 11 - 08:53 AM
SINSULL 15 Dec 11 - 10:59 AM
SINSULL 15 Dec 11 - 01:47 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 11 - 02:00 PM
Bert 15 Dec 11 - 02:08 PM
Jack the Sailor 15 Dec 11 - 03:20 PM
JennieG 15 Dec 11 - 04:25 PM
Wolfhound person 15 Dec 11 - 04:51 PM
Sandra in Sydney 15 Dec 11 - 09:19 PM
Stilly River Sage 15 Dec 11 - 10:44 PM
Jack the Sailor 15 Dec 11 - 10:53 PM
JennieG 16 Dec 11 - 12:19 AM
JennieG 16 Dec 11 - 12:21 AM
Geoff the Duck 16 Dec 11 - 04:17 AM
JennieG 16 Dec 11 - 04:20 AM
ossonflags 16 Dec 11 - 08:13 AM
SINSULL 16 Dec 11 - 09:02 AM
Stilly River Sage 16 Dec 11 - 12:16 PM
GUEST,Psychomorris 17 Dec 11 - 05:31 AM
Rapparee 17 Dec 11 - 09:39 AM
GUEST,Severn 17 Dec 11 - 12:23 PM
gnu 17 Dec 11 - 03:56 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 11 - 05:19 PM
gnu 17 Dec 11 - 06:46 PM
frogprince 17 Dec 11 - 08:24 PM
Jack the Sailor 17 Dec 11 - 08:55 PM
SINSULL 17 Dec 11 - 09:56 PM
JennieG 17 Dec 11 - 10:09 PM
Stilly River Sage 18 Dec 11 - 12:24 AM
GUEST,Psychomorris 18 Dec 11 - 05:12 AM
Stilly River Sage 18 Dec 11 - 02:49 PM
Bert 18 Dec 11 - 03:47 PM
Bert 18 Dec 11 - 04:26 PM
gnu 18 Dec 11 - 07:35 PM

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Subject: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 09:29 PM

The snow blew an icy knife into his face. His horse and dog, he knew, were suffering even more.

Ahead was a dark structure. He reined in and guided his horse into the lee of the building, tying it to a post. The dog was at his side as he opened the door. The hinges creaked from disuse, but the except for the hole in the center the roof was solid and for some reason he couldn't fathom no snow fell into the place.

It was a big old barn of a place with doors at many places. He could see, in the dim glow of the fireplace...fireplace? With a banked fire?

He lit a match. Nice place, cobwebs and such, but he could take care of that. He drew his rapier with his left hand (it was mounted on his right side because of the recent injury) and slashed it through the air as he turned completely around. As he did, the dust and cobwebs vanished and the fire grew to life. He sheathed his blade

It's time, he said to himself. It's time to reopen The Christmas Tavern. His dog, a duckdog named Gluon, spoke invitingly:


Quark!


Quark!


Quark! 



Quark!


Quark!


Quark!


Quark!

and vanished into whatever multidimensional space he usually visited.

He opened the door again and brought his horse inside, into the warm. As he did so, a welcoming tentacle squirmed out of the jello pool.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 09:37 PM

I hate to have to say this but my credit card is maxed out.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 09:42 PM

Higgs the Bos'n sauntered in playing squeeze box and jigging
remembering the captains daughter swinging through the rigging


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 10:18 PM

That's okay; I got enough loot at the last job to float the boat for a very long time. They shouldn't have been moving the Ft. Knox gold over a highway KNOWN to be a hangout of rapparees and other ne'er-do-wells.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: mg
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 11:08 PM

And then he looked in the manger to find some straw for his horse, and what did he see but a tiny infant.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Dec 11 - 11:23 PM

[One thinks mg has wandered into the wrong inn. This one is of ill-repute and no claim to history. Unless it was an infant duck or kitten. There are lots of those in the Mudcat Tavern.]

Sage wanders in from the Texas door and calls across the room to Raparee "It took you long enough to open this place! I was afraid I was going to have to do it myself, but the semester isn't quite over yet. I'll drop off this batch of freshly smoked salmon and be back again later in the week when finals are finished.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 02:04 AM

hammering & thumping noises comes from the long closed Australian door & it opens with a great creeeeaaaak of rusty hinges.

Squeak of wheels as sandra enters with a trolley load of garlic-marinated tiger prawns for when the crowds (& cooks!) arrive & looks around for the fridge


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: MAG
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 05:28 AM

ooh look -- chocolate pumpkin cheesecake -- i'll just take some, along w/ my brandy alexander, into the spa over here --


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 05:42 AM

Cranberry flavoured jello for the pit anyone?

RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: artbrooks
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 09:24 AM

Having trouble getting into the holiday spirit - could I have a Moose Drool and some chocolate chip cookies, please?


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 09:38 AM

Sage steps back into the room at the whiff of Sandra's prawns mojo en ajo. "Roll it back behind the bar, there's a large walk in fridge behind it."

Despite her intent to return to her gainful employment the evening before, she spent several hours throwing out old moldy jars of olives, dessicated drink mixes in bottles without tops, and throwing old plastic and cardboard from under the bar behind the tavern in the large blue recycle bins. She heard something move in the cardboard bin and noticed someone was sleeping.

The bar is sparkling and polished now with a fresh coat of bees wax, the floor behind it is no longer sticky, and it's ready for cooks to come along and start the big meat. Auroch? Squid? Bracheosaurus?


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 10:39 AM

Well seasoned and grilled archeopteryx.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 01:50 PM

Free range Baloney


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 04:39 PM

In the absence of my Credit Card I'll give you all my shortbread recipe.

It's as easy as 123..

1 pound of sugar
2 pounds of butter
3 pounds of flour
1/2 teaspoon of salt

Cream the butter and sugar
work in the flour & salt

roll out and bake at 325 until it just starts to turn golden.

Take a bite then sip your Scotch with the shortbread in your mouth.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 14 Dec 11 - 07:51 PM

Oooooh that sounds wonderful, Bert! Barkeep, a scotch on the rocks, please, and a little plate of those cookies! Who is the barkeep these days, anyway? I guess I'll have to help myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: freda underhill
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 07:15 AM

It was a long way away from the Christmas Tavern, but Sandra and Freda were determined to get there. They wandered down the main street of Kings Cross in Sydney, and turned a corner.

There, by the side of the road, was an ancient sleigh, with wooden possums and koalas sculpted into the sides of the sleigh's dark wooden carriage. No reindeers here, but ten hardy kangaroos, rampant and rampaging. Freda looked at Sandra, who nodded. In they climbed, sitting up in their red and green robes, laughing as those magnificent roos leapt into the skyline.

Across the wide blue harbour, over the tops of the opera house sails, and into the indigo night they flew, over stately ghost gum trees, past mustard clouds up through the sparkly stars of the Southern Cross.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 08:53 AM

Meanwhile at the bottom of a lonely dark country lane in Gloucester Patsy spied an old country inn called the Christmas Tavern. The door was ajar and glowed a welcoming glow which seemed to be beckoning her to it. As she looked round the door the portly white wiskered barman smiled and asked 'what will it be?' 'Oh I will have a double scotch and some of that scrumptious buttery shortbread you have on display there sir. On finishing the last crumb Patsy got on her feet and made her way out of the door back to the gloomy outside to continue her journey home. Looking back she gasped, the place had completely vanished, was she going mad? She would have thought that was the case except for the tell-tale crumb of shortbread at the corner of her mouth.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 10:59 AM

"Four Pterodactyls
Three octupi
Two noisy ducks
And there's Liz in the Loo again!"


SINS, full of Christmas cheer and some libations, dances to the Ladies in search of The Squeak and grabs a JD on the rocks while passing the bar.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 01:47 PM

When I have crossed the ba-a-a-ar
When I have crossed the bar
Let there be no Lizzie in the loo
When I have crossed the bar


And she settles into a booth to recover her sense of decorum. Down behind the cushion sticks out the corner of a plastic card - Bert's!
It's a Get Out Of Jail Free card. Will be useful at some point.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 02:00 PM

Dazed from drugs and pain, he collapses into the bed that appeared, his horse well cared for with oats and barley at the bar.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 02:08 PM

And the barman says "Why the long face?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 03:20 PM

"mmmm Horse meat with oats and barley!" Exclaims Higgs the Bos'n


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 04:25 PM

Meanwhile way way deep out in the sticks, in the middle of the mulga, in Bullamancka the other side of the black stump, a little wombat (we know she's a girl because she is wearing a ribbon round her neck) poked her head out of her burrow to see a sleigh disappearing in the distance.

"Wait, wait for me!" she called out......


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Wolfhound person
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 04:51 PM

A door rattles. A grey hairy paw comes through a small gap, carefully hooking its claws so as to open the the door just enough to admit one wolfhound, covered in snow.

A good shake, a quick slurp from the water bowl some kind person has left by the door, and she's off to the bar - reaching that shortbread shouldn't be difficult for a dog 2 metres tall on its back legs. Just a couple of pieces for a snack then off to a warm corner by the fire to curl up for a snooze.
Once she thaws out she'll uncurl and lie across the room, upside down with all four legs in the air, contented. Don't trip over her!

Meanwhile the person with her'll have a whisky with lemon and honey to dispel the cold symptoms, and will sit in a quiet corner and watch the fun, hoping she'll feel a bit better come the solstice.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 09:19 PM

fortunately the kangaroos hear the faint cry & whirl around to pick up the little wombat.

sandra & freda wondered why they were going back, then saw the reason & made room for the wombat & off they flew


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 10:44 PM

The space behind the bar is lit by the glow of a few beer signs and well-placed up-lights along the dark wall planks. An occasional puff of smoke from the grill out back drifts into the room through a door that stands ajar. The hum of the walk in refrigerator is barely audible. The jukebox has blues and folk selections with a few humorous popular songs thrown into the mix. Someone has selected one of Ed McCurdy's Dalliance albums to set the mood this evening. Behind the bar, in the glow of a laptop screen, Sage can be seen to be scrolling through Mudcat pages to find that Shortbread recipe that Bert posted.

After reading the post about the Oz sleigh, Sage wandered over to the Southern door to watch for the arrival of this Roo-drawn sleigh, hoping that the be-ribboned wombat was able to hitch a ride - and what a beautiful ride that must be!


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 15 Dec 11 - 10:53 PM

The Door burst open and in came a bright red sedan chair carried by eight tiny lackeys. It was Rupert Murdoch! "All right ye blokes and Sheilas! I've had a visit from three ghosts and I've promised to change me ways! Free cell phones for all! And I promise not to hack them!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: JennieG
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 12:19 AM

The little wombat (wombatette?) climbed aboard the sleigh and snuggled between a couple of large parcels. Because some of her life was lived underground she had never been up in the sky before......and what a wondrous place it was! Even the man in the moon smiled as the gaily happily beribboned ve-hicle glided gently by. From a long long way away a sound could just could be heard...."ho....ho....h..o....".......


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: JennieG
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 12:21 AM

.can't get a decent typist these for love nor money...these days.....obviously not paying enough love or money.......

--Mudelves, while generally invisible, enjoy a leisurely visit to the Tavern and are happy to flick a missing letter or two when needed


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 04:17 AM

A duck, dozing in the corner pew (has he really been snoozing there since the Tavern's door last closed?), raises an eyelid and mutters...
"I thought it was the Indecent typists you got for love and money..."
He drifts off back into semi-oblivion...


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: JennieG
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 04:20 AM

Duck, I believe it used to be!


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: ossonflags
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 08:13 AM

No.............. dont get any of this..........Is this an American thing?


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 09:02 AM

I'll have whatever the wombette is smoking. Very 60s.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Dec 11 - 12:16 PM

Global, ossonflags, there are doors into the Mudcat Tavern hewed by representatives of many nations.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Psychomorris
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 05:31 AM

As we stood outside the Tavern we wondered where the snow dribblers have gone this year. No writings in the snow. 'How will others find their way'? we asked. 'How will ossenflags cope with flying wombats and snow dribblers'? Nocturnal mutterings were seen in the cold air of the North as we headed back into the tavern for some warm wassailing. 'Seen any shelias on your travels'? was a faint sound heard on the stormy winds. 'Blowed if I have'! was the chorus of replies. 'Only seen a little fat man in a green suit, calling for olive to go faster'. And so we retired once again into the Christmas Tavern and called for pints of Hole Hearted to raise a Christmas toast to mudcatters of all nations.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 09:39 AM

Meanwhile, still under the influence of pain-killing drugs, the swordsman lay still. A bottle of pure Irish whisky hung like an IV drip, the tube ending in his mouth. Nearby his faithful steed was dancing a polka.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 12:23 PM

Since the steed had dots all over it, we figured it could dance. "Up yours with a red hot polka!", it whinnies, but is pooh-poohed by those who want to keep McCurdy on the box.

Severn ambles slowly to the bar and orders a Hanson's Diet Pomegranate Soda. His left arm can now raise to about 70%. He's been walking and excercising in swimming pools for therapy these days, but walking through cranberry Jell-o is not his thing. It's not diet, for one thing, even though the excercise would be low resistance. His old friend the Squid extends a tentacle and says to come join him, but he's not about to fall for that trick and get pulled in.

"Hmmmmm....", he thinks, "In past years, we had those Yule Gibbons, The Hairy Simian Chorale, and the Mhari Khrishmas from India in the
year we left everything to chants, and the Season's Cretans from Greece singing 'Santacles Is Coming To Town'. I wonder who the scheduled entertainment is this year? Australians, maybe?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 03:56 PM

70% is good thinks gnu as he hears Severn tell the patronage of his progress.

He wends his way the the bar, slowly but determined to drink away the pains and sits next to an old lad that seems familiar but that he cannot place. He orders, "KEEP, fire me up a Johhny Stay and pour me a Black 'orse wit anudder beside it." He looks at the old fellah beside him and asks, "Where do I know ye from?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 05:19 PM

The old man chuckles "Ho, ho ho!" through his white beard.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 06:46 PM

gnu asks, "Seriously, you look familiar. I just cannot place you. What's your name, jolly old fellah?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: frogprince
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 08:24 PM

"Bell", he replies; "Alexander Graham Bell; and yours?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 08:55 PM

"and I am his elf. Dennis Kucinich." said a voice from under a barstool.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 09:56 PM

This is not going well. Where is MMArio and his culinary skills? All I have are some Swanson TV dinners and they all have that crappie brownie that either burns or goes sticky.
Another JD please. This could be a long week.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: JennieG
Date: 17 Dec 11 - 10:09 PM

While the little wombette was snuggling under some large sacks of .....stuff......in the sleigh, a dream began forming in her little head. The fresh green grass that grew in abundance near her home burrow suddenly started growing flowers of all colours, yellow, red, orange, even some purple (the bruised ones trodden on by clumsy walkers) growing taller and taller, while little elves started popping their teeny little heads out of the flower centres. The purple flower elves had tiny black eyes.

From the tree above there came a deep growl......

"Could it be a fearsome drop bear?" she asked herself in her dream?


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 12:24 AM

Sage nearly splattered shortbread crumbs on her monitor when she read Mary's remark about Swanson TV dinners. She finished baking a batch of Bert's shortbread and was trying it with a mouthful of Scotch. Forgetting that Bert said a mouthful of cookie with a sip of Scotch. She'll feel better in the morning.

Knowing that the crowd at the Mudcat Christmas Tavern could do with some real gourmet holiday food, Sage brought in the famous cook, Dolla Peen, who cooks primarily with butter. Some of you may know her from her chocolate-covered stick of butter. She is in the kitchen basting a roast half-beef on a spit with a mix of garlic, secret sauce, and melted butter.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: GUEST,Psychomorris
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 05:12 AM

At last a chance for the snow dribblers to appear, the mere thought of that secret sauce should be enough to bring them out. But drop bears? My! my! those purple flower elves have been busy this year. Still another single malt was ordered ''this should edit that idea of elves and work to reinstate the little fat bearded gent in green'' said one of our group as we drained our glasses. Atnas! Atnas! Atnas! Three cheers for the little gent was chanted as we walked backwards for Christmas. Well we tried walking sideways and walking to the front. The tavern said ''stop there we have heard this before.'' Somewhere a noise was heard, as it fell through the trees and landed on a patch of swiftly moving green and red cabbages. Onward! Onward they chorused.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 02:49 PM

A huge northern elk of the reindeer variety stirred from its sleep position under the cardboard that had been thrown into the large recycle bin behind the Tavern. The journey that brought it to this place seemed surreal - out for a test flight with Santa one minute, the next, hit by an out-of-control drone from Iranian scientists as they practiced with the booty from their GIS raid. Pow! and Dasher went from lead deer on the right to tumbling ass-over-applecart down into Mudcat land. Santa had watched the slow-motion tumbled descent and knew Dasher would come to no harm, so, due to a need to get everyone else home for further delivery operations, he left the scene. Perhaps not a good move.

It was a soft landing in the bin of shredded paper and cardboard, but the Giant Squid was nearby and decided that perhaps venison instead of calamari should be on the menu this year. Quickly moving over to the recycle area, his many arms retrieved cardboard from an adjacent bin to throw in on top of the limp animal, then slammed the top closed to keep the dazed Dasher confined until the discussion of roast meat should arise.

Hours, even days passed, before Dasher finally staggered from under the bulk of the corrugated and with bits of shredded paper still clinging to his coat, staggered in the back door of the Mudcat Christmas Tavern.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 03:47 PM

Meanwhile, behind the bar Wambetty and Severn are deep frying a chocolate covered butter stick because they know that calories can't live in the Tavern.

They throw one over to The Giant Squid who immediately forgets about the calamari.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: Bert
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 04:26 PM

All of a sudden Bobert's buried train bursts through the rocks on the *hillside with the Engineer singing "I never died said he".





*I guess that it must have been a JOE Hillside.


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Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Christmas Tavern 2011
From: gnu
Date: 18 Dec 11 - 07:35 PM

... "Bell", he replies; "Alexander Graham Bell; and yours?"

"gnu, a simple gnu, one of the millions of people your company charges millions of dollars in cover charges to come to this tavern. Ya know, with all the money you make, ya'd think you wouldn't have to have your telemarketers pester me for more money. If I wasn't a relatively peaceful man, I'd kick yer ass."


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