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BS: I did not have sex with,,,

Little Hawk 13 Jan 12 - 11:06 AM
Richard Bridge 13 Jan 12 - 08:58 AM
MGM·Lion 13 Jan 12 - 03:07 AM
JohnInKansas 13 Jan 12 - 12:19 AM
Little Hawk 12 Jan 12 - 05:49 PM
Jack the Sailor 12 Jan 12 - 05:43 PM
Bob the Postman 12 Jan 12 - 04:46 PM
Jack the Sailor 12 Jan 12 - 04:03 PM
gnu 12 Jan 12 - 04:00 PM
Jack the Sailor 12 Jan 12 - 12:17 PM
GUEST,olddude 12 Jan 12 - 11:20 AM
GUEST,Patsy 12 Jan 12 - 07:38 AM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 12 - 11:56 PM
Joe_F 11 Jan 12 - 08:15 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 12 - 06:42 PM
Bill D 11 Jan 12 - 06:13 PM
The Sandman 11 Jan 12 - 06:00 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 12 - 05:39 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jan 12 - 05:13 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 12 - 03:21 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 12 - 03:17 PM
Jack the Sailor 11 Jan 12 - 03:14 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 12 - 03:13 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 12 - 02:43 PM
kendall 11 Jan 12 - 02:39 PM
catspaw49 11 Jan 12 - 02:15 PM
Don Firth 11 Jan 12 - 02:00 PM
MGM·Lion 11 Jan 12 - 01:55 PM
Don Firth 11 Jan 12 - 01:49 PM
GUEST,Wesley S 11 Jan 12 - 01:38 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 12 - 12:38 PM
GUEST,Steamin' Willie 11 Jan 12 - 12:08 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 12 - 12:04 PM
Richard Bridge 11 Jan 12 - 11:52 AM
Becca72 11 Jan 12 - 09:14 AM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 12 - 08:48 AM
kendall 11 Jan 12 - 07:22 AM
MGM·Lion 11 Jan 12 - 12:20 AM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 12 - 12:17 AM
Rapparee 11 Jan 12 - 12:05 AM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 12 - 12:00 AM
Rapparee 10 Jan 12 - 11:59 PM
Little Hawk 10 Jan 12 - 11:35 PM
Little Hawk 10 Jan 12 - 11:31 PM
Genie 10 Jan 12 - 09:33 PM
gnu 10 Jan 12 - 09:10 PM
Bobert 10 Jan 12 - 07:41 PM
Bill D 10 Jan 12 - 06:43 PM
Jack Campin 10 Jan 12 - 06:26 PM
Joe_F 10 Jan 12 - 06:17 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jan 12 - 11:06 AM

"Gentlemen don't talk!"

Women do, of course, but only amongst themselves...so that's okay.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 13 Jan 12 - 08:58 AM

I have been known to bandy some of the names that my late wife bandied with while she was not otherwise associated.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 13 Jan 12 - 03:07 AM

Getting off this bestial theme for a moment back to original thread-title ~~
How is one to say with whom one did? There might be one or two pairs of knickers one has dropped in one's time whose owners' names one might wish to drop likewise.

But, dash it, Bertie! Does a fella bandy a lady's name?


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 13 Jan 12 - 12:19 AM

Sorting through some old books recently, I came across a rather rude one that included a series of ethnic slurs under the heading of "What do they mean by safe sex in *******."

The entry for Scotland was:

"They brand the sheep that kick."

I don't think it's just the Scots, since a fellow once showed me his Teamsters contract that stated quite clearly that any trucker hauling sheep was required under the contract terms to have a co-driver on board. (The claim was that it was to protect the drivers against false accusations ... ... (or maybe it was rude jokes?). )

John


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jan 12 - 05:49 PM

If Bob Saget talked like that around Chongo Chimp, he'd end up getting punched out.

I figure he must be the guy whose picture you find in the unabridged encyclopedia beside the word "asshole" (slang term).


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Jan 12 - 05:43 PM

A guy I ran into after University was between jobs. When I asked him what he was doing at the time he said, "Oh, you know, fucking the dog. Selling the pups."


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Bob the Postman
Date: 12 Jan 12 - 04:46 PM

In my neck of the woods to "fuck the dog" is to be idle when one ought to be working.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Jan 12 - 04:03 PM

That is why I called him a pervert.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jan 12 - 04:00 PM

Saget is sick.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Jan 12 - 12:17 PM

Bob Saget "The Aristocrats."


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 12 Jan 12 - 11:20 AM

I did not have sex with Christie Brinkley ... sigh


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 12 Jan 12 - 07:38 AM

And I thought eating tinned tongue was bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 11:56 PM

...most of the women I was ever interested in...


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Joe_F
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 08:15 PM

Kendall: All you need is a bit of spit, your finger, and a rag.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 06:42 PM

Lydia Pinkham
Marie Curie
Elizabeth Blackwell
Carrie Nation
Squirrel-Tooth Alice
Lindsey Lohan
Theresa of Lisieux
Stan Musial
Reginald Kenneth Dwight
Ramses II
That platypus
My hostess
My host
Rupert Murdoch
Mama Cass
Casey Stengel
Alexander Fleming
Hildegarde of Bingen
Ross Perot
Your daughter
Your son
Your puppy
Your wife
You


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 06:13 PM

LH...your poetry is doggerel.

(and yeah.. Maryland law seems to be very concerned with oral sex. I assume it is similar to what I call 'jaywalking law syndrome'. They don't really expect to stop any jaywalking... they just want a 'rule' in place in case anyone causes a problem or an accident by jaywalking.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: The Sandman
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 06:00 PM

I think its a miss take to be dogmatic


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 05:39 PM

That's for damn sure. And it's a onetime experience.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 05:13 PM

You don't have sex with Chthulu, Chthulu has sex with you.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 03:21 PM

Oh...Rap? What about Golda Meir? And Barbra Streisand?


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 03:17 PM

Thankfully, I have not seen that movie. How does he compare to Adam Sandler?


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 03:14 PM

If you have seen the movie "The Aristocrats" you know what a pervert Saget is.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 03:13 PM

The Dallas Cowboys
The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders
Barbara Bush
Nancy Reagan
Nancy Pelosi
Sir John Franklin
Old Shep
Nellie Bly
Champion
Nelly Belle
Buttermilk
Dale Evans
Annie Oakley
Madame Nhu
Ho Chi Minh
Mao Zedong
Pope Alexander VI
Gypsy Rose Lee
Mae West
Ron Hubbard
Chthulu
Podkayne
Her Majesty, Star
Mrs. Butterworth
Uncle Ben
Gentle Ben
Old Yeller
Big Red
Mary Mapes Dodge
Dolly Madison
Tantor
Hans Brinker
Hans Christian Andersen
Eva Braun
Herman Goering
Babe the Blue Ox
Pepe Le Pew
The Virgin Mary
Suliaman the Magnificent
Genghis Khan
Tamberlaine
Madonna
Paris Hilton
Paris
Helen of Troy

...just to keep you up to date.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 02:43 PM

Bob Saget's song is about at the level of Cheech Wizard. Not entirely without merit, in other words....just nearly so! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: kendall
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 02:39 PM

No one could ever accuse me of being a prude, but, too much is enough. I'm gone.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 02:15 PM

Bob Saget pays tribute to a wonderful dog


Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Don Firth
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 02:00 PM

kinda depends on your interpretation of "good."

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 01:55 PM

Oh no ~~ not Old Blue. I mean, don't you remember ~~

"I'll bet you $10 he''s a good dog too"

??

~M~


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Don Firth
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 01:49 PM

I've always been a bit suspicious of the story behind "Old Blue."

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: GUEST,Wesley S
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 01:38 PM

I don't think anyone has asked if they used the missionary position or if they did it .... doggie style.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 12:38 PM

Help Me Make It Through The Night

Take the ribbon from your fur
Shake it loose and let it drop
Leave your dog food in the bowl
Just forget that awful slop

Come and lay down by my side
On the carpet by the chair
Never mind your foolish pride
As I remove my underwear

I don't care what's right or wrong!
I don't care about the law
I've turned off the blasted phone
And now I'm reaching for your paw

Mary's gone away downtown
Here we are, we're all alone
Help me make it through the night
And I'll give you this chewing bone...

I don't care what's right or wrong!
You don't have to be afraid
I've done things like this before
With my ex-wife's former maid

Yesterday is dead and gone
And the vet is out of sight
There's fresh pork roast in the oven
Help me make it through the night

- Krass Krostifferson, Folkporn Records


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: GUEST,Steamin' Willie
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 12:08 PM

Take the ribbon from your fur,

I recall hearing a singer in a folk club years ago say "I loved that dog. I wrote this next song about that dog. I really really loved that dog. ....... I did six months for loving that dog."



I notice M'Unlearned friend got his citation wrong again.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 12:04 PM

Bill D - Maryland law forbids oral sex?????? For Christ's sake, they could probably prosecute most of the adults living in the state if they wanted to!


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 11:52 AM

I've told you before. DPP -v- Bourne, (1952) 36 Cr App Rep 125 (CCA).
Conviction of husband for aiding and abetting wife to have buggery with dog. She was entitled to be acquitted on grounds of coercion, but even though that meant that there was no principal offence he was still convicted of aiding and abetting.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Becca72
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 09:14 AM

Around here to "screw the pooch" means to make a big mistake...coincidence?


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 08:48 AM

That's because he doesn't want the vacuum cleaner to be publicly embarrassed and humiliated.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: kendall
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 07:22 AM

AHA! Raparee, you didn't mention your vacuum cleaner.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 12:20 AM

Thanks, JoeF, And one is reminded of the old joke whose punchline is, "No, a mare, not a stallion. Nothing queer about old Carstairs!" [quoted, IIRC, in John Brain'es Room At The Top].

~M~


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 12:17 AM

What we really want to hear is Chongo's confessions in this particular area.

Alas, he refuses to talk about it.

Smart move on his part.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 12:05 AM

Just to make the record clear, I did not have sex with...

Cleopatra
Julia Agrippa
Messalina
Elizabeth Bathory
Trigger
Rin-Tin-Tin
Tin-Tin
Snowy
Petunia Pig
Elizabeth I or II
Eleanor of Aquitaine
Richard the Lion-Hearted
William Rufus
Caligula
Mary Todd Lincoln
Marilyn Monroe
Daisy Duck
Silver
Cheetah
Jane
Tarzan
Margaret Thatcher
Marie Antoinette
Edward II
Andrew Jackson
Frankie
Pearl Pureheart
Eskimo Nell
Dudley Do-Right
Yukon King
Yukon stove
A Mossberg 12 gauge pump shotgun

...and a whole hell of a lot of other people, places, and things.

Mostly my life has been really, really boring.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 12 - 12:00 AM

And how do you know I'm speaking of her? There were some pretty odd things going on in that palace.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jan 12 - 11:59 PM

No, LH, Catherine the Great didn't do that. She died of a heart attack, but not because of what you're thinking. She did have quite a few men, but that was it. The rest is propaganda.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 12 - 11:35 PM

'Scuse me! I slightly misunderstood your question, Genie. For a case of a woman raping a dog, you have to go all the way back to the reign of Catherine the Great of Russia. It's a very disturbing story, though, as it involves not only dogs...but some larger domesticated animals...so I am going to maintain a discreet silence about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Jan 12 - 11:31 PM

In Liechtenstein. 1976. A member of the male staff in the palace got involved with one of the Prince's prize Weimaraners. It was a dreadful affair! He was tried and convicted of canine rape and sentenced to execution by trebuchet. The trebuchet overperformed and hurled him clear across the pricipality's eastern border, and he landed, fortunately, in a farmer's pond in Austria. The Austrian government was engaged in a pastry feud with Liechtenstein at the time and decided to give him refugee status. He now works as a bartender in Vienna.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with ...
From: Genie
Date: 10 Jan 12 - 09:33 PM

Silas - [[I said to him "Sex with a dog? Just how low can you get?"

He replied, "About as low as a poodle"]]

I'd say sex with a wiener dog's even lower!


BTW, for a man to "have sex with" a dog might automatically count as "rape" (unless the bitch was in heat), but DK if that would be true the other way around. Judging by how eager most male dogs are to "hump" anything and anyone in sight, I think it would be hard to argue
"lack of consent."
But then, when was the last time a woman was prosecuted for raping a dog?


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jan 12 - 09:10 PM

A Big Mac? Now, THAT is REALLY sick. Considerin all that cresterall what plugs up yer heart.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Bobert
Date: 10 Jan 12 - 07:41 PM

Well, I'm glad that I have provided all you perverts a gathering place and from what I have read, ya'll is some sick people but...

...my Cousin Rufus got real drunk one night drenking Iron City behind the Sweet Springs Store and called me to come drive him home... So I went to get him and he sho nuff was drunk... I didn't know you could get drunk on Iron City before getting sick but he was drunk... So he ain't in the car 10 seconds before burstin' out laughin' and cryin' at the same time so I says...

..."Whatza matter, Rufe?" and he says...

..."I can't tell you 'cause you gonna laugh and then go tell everybody"...

So I says, "No, I won't, I promise... Ya' gotta talk with me, Cuz..."

Well, I could tell that even as drunk as he was he wasn't drunk enough to spin his story without a lot of prodin' so prodin' I did and eventually he looked over at me and said, "Bobert, I had... I kinda had..."...

So I says, "Just let it go, man..."

He looks down at the floorboard of the truck as if it had done whatever he was about to confess to doing...

"Come on, Rufe, whatever you done it can't be that bad, right?"

"Okay, Bobert, I had sex with a Big Mac!!!" and then ol' Rufe broke down cryin' a big ol hillbilly cryin' which is a mighty cryin'...

Like what was I 'sposed to do or say???

Well, peoples, there are times in life when it's best to just say, "Gee, that ain't all that bad" but that weren't one of those times so I just blurted out, "Hey, Rufe... Brings new meaning to secret sauce" which musta been the right thing to say 'cause the hillbilly crin' turned into hillbilly laughin', which is a mighty laughin' and to this very day all I gotta do is mention "secret sauce" and ol' Rufe down on the floor of his half-a-double-wide holding his sides laughin'....

So, hey, it's a strange world and fact is stranger than fiction, right???

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Jan 12 - 06:43 PM

...and the Maryland law sort of adds animal sex in with 'general perversion'

"§ 3-322. Unnatural or perverted sexual practice

Prohibited

(a) A person may not:

(1) take the sexual organ of another or of an animal in the person's mouth;

(2) place the person's sexual organ in the mouth of another or of an animal; or

(3) commit another unnatural or perverted sexual practice with another or with an animal."


I wonder how many know that other humans are proscribed in that way.... and that last clause seems to refer to whatever the court wants it to.


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Jack Campin
Date: 10 Jan 12 - 06:26 PM

The SC law looks pretty weird. it appears they stuck an anti-gay clause on the end of a cruelty-to-animals bill:

South Carolina Consolidated Cruelty Statutes


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Subject: RE: BS: I did not have sex with,,,
From: Joe_F
Date: 10 Jan 12 - 06:17 PM

MtheGM: ObSongs:

Great joy they reap from tupping sheep
In sundry bogs and ditches,
Nor care a damn if it's a ram --
Those hardy sons of bitches!            -- "The Pioneers"


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