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Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 19 May 12 - 05:39 AM Day one for this thread was 12th January. By the end of the 12th there were 23 posts...a pretty impressive start. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that I would be sitting here on 19th May, writing post 501 (that is, unless someone squeezes in 501 while I'm writing this!). The collective power of this online community is something I have never experienced before...more profound, more inclusive, more safe, more worthwhile than anything 'masquerading' as religion. I went to church as a child...most people did in the village in which I lived, but it wasn't long before questions were forming in my mind that needed answers. The answers didn't come & round about the age of 12, my Father was summoned to the vicarage & asked to remove me from the congregation because I was a 'trouble-maker'. At school, R.E. was taught by an ordained minister. He didn't answer my questions either, so our teacher-pupil 'relationship' deteriorated rapidly, resulting in frequent punishments. His preferred method was to bind & gag me & sit me on top of an old safe in his office. He would then proceed to rail at me about hellfire & damnation & what an evil little so & so I was. I started this thread because Ann & I felt so desperate & helpless following Jane's diagnosis, but as the days have turned into months, I am becoming increasingly aware that I need all you good people too...people I can trust, people I can rely on, people who, despite their own trials & tribulations will still take a moment to find out how we're doing. I cannot adequately express what your kind, caring words have meant to Ann & myself & to me on a very personal level. You've put back a measure of trust in my Life that has been absent for too long. With Much Love, Nigel & Ann (And Nigel personally) xxxxxxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 19 May 12 - 05:44 AM Apologies to Pete...Ilnur is pronounced Il-ner, Nigel. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: GUEST,999 Date: 19 May 12 - 09:25 AM Beautiful post, Nigel. Y'all are still in my heart and thoughts. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: GUEST,olddude Date: 19 May 12 - 09:54 AM Nigel Jane and Pete's mom in my prayers daily ... I have no doubt that things will be fine .. Going at it full guns |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: GUEST,olddude Date: 19 May 12 - 10:39 AM Religion never works ... Faith, never fails |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: GUEST,pete from seven stars link Date: 19 May 12 - 04:55 PM sorry to hear of your early negative experience of religion nigel.i hope it has not completely stopped you enquiring.blessings pete. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: catspaw49 Date: 19 May 12 - 07:11 PM Nice post Nigel....it really is. I'm proud to say I was the first recipient of Mudcat power and what I believe is that there is a warmth and kindness that frees within us a kind of power that we all have hidden. Its the knowledge that we aren't alone but are in the thoughts/prayers of so many others. Now I don't know if there is any actual affect medically but the simple and yet hard to find belief in each other is the strangely tangible thing we hold close. Through that the virtual hugs become real and our spirits are lightened and transferred to all around us. Or maybe something fell somewhere............... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: ChanteyLass Date: 20 May 12 - 12:01 AM Nigel, you were a victim of abuse by your clergyman. I am sorry that happened to you. I haven't belonged to any organized religion for a long time. I've looked at a few faiths other than the one in which I was raised and found some good things about some of them, but I've decided that none of them worked well enough for me to want to join. That hasn't stopped me from continuing to seek, pray, and listen. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 21 May 12 - 08:01 AM Just tried to post & it's disappeared! Have written to Joe, but when It's 'gone', is it 'gone'? Nigel.
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: catspaw49 Date: 21 May 12 - 11:04 AM So Joe....You managed to complete your CIA mission in Egypt and are now about to try and infiltrate the IRA....Is that right? I mean like I'm just passing along the gossip to you. If this is wrong let me know. Then again if you're CIA you won't admit it will you? Yeah........Well good luck anyway I guess..........maybe...... Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 21 May 12 - 11:16 AM Spaw, if I read your post, will you have to kill me or will I simply self-destruct??!! Nigel. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 21 May 12 - 11:42 AM OK, here goes second attempt. I've never spoken publicly before about my early experiences with religion & I realise I'm in danger of highjacking my own thread, but your posts demand a response. Spaw, ChanteyLass, Bruce, Dan, Pete...thank you, as always, your words touch me deeply. Pete, I've been searching since my early teens & am now content with what I've found & where I am, spiritually speaking. Dan's wise words: "Religion never works ... Faith, never fails". At the risk of repeating myself from an earlier post, my Faith resides in people & nature. Despite too many examples of "Man's inhumanity to Man", I have an unshakable Faith in a Goodness that resides within most of us, so.....I have Faith in my Mudcat Friends...I have Faith in the Doctors who are treating Jane...I have Faith in my beloved wife, Ann...I have Faith in my ability to create new Music. God in his/her various guises plays no part in my Faith. I am a member of the Human Congregation & it is there my Faith had it's genesis & it's essence remains. Much Love to You All, Nigel & Ann (And Nigel personally) |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: GUEST,999 Date: 22 May 12 - 11:38 AM Nigel, have you posted a link to the music piece? |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 22 May 12 - 12:50 PM Bruce, the link for 'The Voyage of The Rainbow' will be posted on 29th May...have adopted all your mixing suggestions, you have a good 'ear'...thank you very much! Kindest Regards, Nigel. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: ChanteyLass Date: 22 May 12 - 04:43 PM Oh, good! We'll get to hear it in a week! I'm looking forward to that! |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: GUEST,pete from seven stars link Date: 22 May 12 - 05:31 PM thanks for outlining your spiritual position nigel.not one i would favour as a christian but which i respect never-the-less and appreciate you taking us all on board.blessings pete. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 23 May 12 - 03:44 AM Pete, one of the qualities I hope for in a good & trusted friend is the ability to "Agree to Disagree". I think we've both 'ticked the box' on that one (-: With Love, Nigel. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 23 May 12 - 04:18 AM Latest news about Jane; she has joined a medication trial. It's a drug that is already licensed in other countries, but not yet in the UK. She has been told that she is a 'perfect candidate'. Jane has committed herself to a long-term programme...two years, but it means she is monitored very regularly & very closely (more so than if she was just 'in treatment'). It is somewhat intrusive in terms of the number of clinics she has to attend each week, but after much consideration, Jane felt it was the right course of action, as does the whole Family. I know it probably seems a bit weird that 'The Voyage' will be published on a specific date, but the fact is, I need help with the upload & 29th May is the first available date I can see a Trainer at my local Apple Store! Getting audio from LogicPro to YouTube is, for me, 'a challenge too far'...having an expert sitting at my elbow gives me a much needed confidence boost. With Love to you all, Nigel & Ann xxxxxxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 23 May 12 - 11:04 AM great news about the medical trial. always good to have a tame expert around. Where would I be without my Personal Help Desk who is always there when I need him - well, almost always, sometimes I do have to consult another techy friend to get an answer when I want it! And I have another couple of friends who can also help. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: GUEST Date: 23 May 12 - 11:23 AM The news about Jane's coming treatment is great, Nigel. I have a good friend who attended and still attends a clinic for lupus, and although it is trying, it's been a big help to keep her keeping on. It's good to hear that the medicos are thinking in terms of years. "Getting audio from LogicPro to YouTube is, for me, 'a challenge too far'...having an expert sitting at my elbow gives me a much needed confidence boost." I laughed when I read that statement. There are days when I wonder at the abilities of people who can whiz around computers. I'm a bit past the stage where my cure for everything computers is the on/off switch, but not really that far removed from it. I'd offer one small bit of advice: write down everything the guy/gal does, then do it from your written page before you leave. You'll feel like Enrico Fermi must have when he used a slide rule to predict where things would go next when they created the first sustained atomic chain-reaction at the University of Chicago in December of 1942. It didn't get away from them, good thing for the squash courts. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: gnu Date: 23 May 12 - 07:09 PM I hope this course of action works out well, Nigel. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: ChanteyLass Date: 23 May 12 - 09:33 PM I, too, hope the medication trial works well for her. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 24 May 12 - 04:12 AM Thank you, Sandra, gnu & ChanteyLass. The medication trial is another act of Faith, writ large! Guest (23rd May, 11.23am) I was intrigued by your reference to Enrico Fermi & squash courts. Needless to say, Google came to my rescue. Amusing to ponder him conducting some of his experiments in squash courts & ironic in the extreme to consider that a Nobel Peace Prize winner became intimately involved with the Manhattan Project. I doubt I shall feel as elated as Mr.Fermi when he made his 'squash court discoveries' when I upload on 29th, rather, a quiet sense of satisfaction of what I hope will be perceived as a job reasonably well done. Nice & warm here in London, averaging out around 25℃...time to sort out the weeds & get the front door painted. Much Love to You All, Nigel & Ann xxxxxxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 25 May 12 - 05:10 AM Today is going to be a mixture of happiness & sadness. This afternoon (Friday) we will be attending the funeral of a teacher (Helen) with whom we used to work, but at her funeral will be loads of former students & teachers (If the posts on FaceBook are anything to go by), many of whom we have not seen for years. We have been asked by Helen's Family to dress colourfully to celebrate her Life...she was a larger than life, dynamic, inspirational Drama teacher. It's a gloriously sunny day which fits perfectly with Helen's personality. Hope the sun is shining on you too today, With Love, Nigel & Ann xxxxxxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: ChanteyLass Date: 25 May 12 - 03:18 PM In fact, it's a little foggy here in Rhode Island. I had my car's fag lights on as I crossed the Newport Bridge on the way to and from caring for my grandchildren. However, there's sunshine inside me, and it sounds like Helen and her family want to bring out the sunshine in all of you. Good luck with that! |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 26 May 12 - 12:53 PM Helen's funeral was beautiful. The service was in Humanistic style...tributes, readings & Music by Mozart, Helen's favourite composer. It was our first experience of this type of funeral & I have to say that it was a deeply moving, dignified 'final curtain' for a highly respected Drama Teacher. The sun shone & many of Helen's former students, some of whom have gone on to be professional actors, attended to pay their last respects. There was more laughter than tears, even though the sadness of the occasion was always in the forefront of one's mind. We wish you all the best of weekends, With Love, Nigel & Ann xxxxxxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 28 May 12 - 10:32 AM Apologies to all...the link to YouTube for 'The Voyage of The Rainbow' has had to be postponed until 4th June. My own health issues have suddenly & unexpectedly taken precedence... glucose & BP significantly higher than my Doc likes to see...bugger!!! With Love, Nigel xxx |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: GUEST,pete from seven stars link Date: 28 May 12 - 11:13 AM wishing you a speedy recovery pete |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 28 May 12 - 11:49 AM no need to apologise for what Doctor says, just do what your doctor says sandra |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: gnu Date: 28 May 12 - 01:19 PM Take care, Nigel. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: ChanteyLass Date: 28 May 12 - 07:08 PM Right! Do what you need to do to care for yourself. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: GUEST,999 Date: 28 May 12 - 09:43 PM Y'all still in my thoughts--like every day. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 30 May 12 - 05:46 AM Looks like it could be Diabetes...one more confirmatory blood test to go...bugger! |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: maeve Date: 30 May 12 - 06:24 AM Diabetes is manageable, Nigel. We'll be here in the meantime. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: gnu Date: 30 May 12 - 04:08 PM Diabetes ain't near the problem it used to be as maeve has pointed out. More of a pain in the butt (that you don't need, of course) these days. Keep us up to date. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Janie Date: 30 May 12 - 09:11 PM Dang it, Nigel, life is one darn thing after another! |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 31 May 12 - 04:08 AM Thank you, my Dear Friends. Janie's comment fits for me & Ann. Yesterday, Ann was expecting to be discharged by her Oncologist...she had a Malignant Melanoma removed five years ago & has been fine ever since. But she was told (for the first time), that because the cancer had spread (also safely taken care of at the initial op.), she can never be discharged & has to be monitored every six months for the rest of her Life. Naturally, Ann felt very disappointed that this particular medical episode couldn't be finally 'put to bed'. We were also told, again, for the first time, that a recurrence was always going to be a possibility, which, ironically puts her in a similar situation to Jane. Ann was not a very happy bunny when we were driving home! It certainly is 'one darn thing after another'. Nobody warned us that retirement could be like this! With Love, Nigel & Ann xxxxxxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: maeve Date: 31 May 12 - 05:55 AM Nigel- My husband and I have reason to understand the "one darned thing after another" perspective. I choose to adhere to the approach that "has to be monitored every six months for the rest of her Life" means a party twice a year. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: GUEST,999 Date: 31 May 12 - 09:17 AM Nigel, I will e-mail you later today. I have a joke that fits this situation, but I'd rather it not be on the thread. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 31 May 12 - 11:13 AM Looking forward to the email, Bruce. Maeve, if you could package & market your take on optimism, both You & your Husband would make a fortune! With Love, Nigel & Ann xxxxxxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: catspaw49 Date: 31 May 12 - 07:02 PM Ain't that the truth Nigel? Given two glasses partially filled with water Maeve would see 4 full glasses! I'd just drink the damn things................ Hang in Nige....It might get worse but then again this could be the first step back up. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: maeve Date: 31 May 12 - 09:08 PM Well, gentlemen, all I know is that two glasses partially filled are exactly that. A burned down house is forever gone, a partially filled glass won't transform into 4 full glasses, and no amount of cheery imagining will change either one. One might find a different perspective, though- depending upon the awareness with which each sip and gulp is tasted, savored, gulped and swallowed... and whether one drains the glass or sits watching it in fear of the day it's empty. It's no use fluttering our hands in dismay, wishing the nightmare under the bed would just go away- but shine some light under there and you will find living gold amongst the dust bunnies and fangs. Someone here will have the words you need, Nigel. Spaw has earned much wisdom through his years of living, so his words carry experience and stubborn strength. Mine are but wild, wee things from the dark woods. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: ChanteyLass Date: 31 May 12 - 09:44 PM It does seem like your plates are filled with things you would rather be without. Sending love and prayers. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: GUEST,Lilyfestre Date: 31 May 12 - 09:49 PM I know first hand how much it stinks to have the recurrence hanging over your head but by being monitored, she can rest easy knowing that if it should come back, they will have found it relatively quickly making it easier to take care of if necessary. ((((((Hugs & Stuff)))))))))) Michelle |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 01 Jun 12 - 05:15 AM To all of you who've posted since my last on 31st...such wise words...such eloquent words...such loving words...I've read them over & over, like I want to make absolutely certain I can't ever forget them. Indelibly etched in my mind so that I can take them with me everywhere I go. The recent news about Ann's health has hit us both hard...feels like a huge step backwards. We're both trying to be as positive as we can...Ann feels well, Jane feels well, we're all doing & enjoying most of the things we usually do. In that respect, Life is normal & familiar. What I can't expunge entirely from my waking thoughts is a shadowy spectre, somewhere over there, in the corner, barely visible, but prescient nonetheless (I'm speaking metaphorically, I'm not having some sort of psychotic episode!!). What Michelle says is absolutely true, but at the moment, we both feel threatened & insecure. Note to Bruce: The joke you emailed was not only well-timed (there you go again!), very funny (and poignant too) & the line about the cat, well, we need him/her over here NOW! I'm waiting for the Pest Control Team to arrive as I write...we have some additional, underfloor members in our household who have turned up, uninvited! Going to do our best to enjoy the extended bank holiday that stretches out before us, With Love & Gratitude, Nigel & Ann xxxxxxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Sandra in Sydney Date: 01 Jun 12 - 05:32 AM when I see my cancer surgeon every 6 months I regard it as an opportunity to chat with him & his friendly receptionist. I've recently passed the period when it needs 6 monthly visits cos it can come back in he early years, but I've resisted that idea of seeing him very 12 months!! Maybe next year ... sandra |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Janie Date: 01 Jun 12 - 09:25 PM Really. Life truly is one thing after another. Life is movement, always changing, never ideal, often rocky and rough. It helps me so much to realize and acknowledge that there is nothing terminally unique about facing adversity, even wave after wave of it. Pain is part and parcel of life. Resisting rather than accepting that, in my experience, creates and increases suffering and misery. Regrets or resentments about the past, and fear of the future rob of us of today. There is a crass but apt saying "If you keep one foot in yesterday, and the other in tomorrow, you piss all over today. George Bernard Shaw. "Life wasn't meant to be easy, my child, but take courage: it can be delightful!" I think, but am not certain the following take-off is Robert Penn Warren "Life wasn't meant to be easy. It was meant to be life." Nigel, you, Anne and Jane give all of us a gift by sharing here, and allowing us to share, thereby anchoring and reminding us to work toward perspective, delight in the moment, and helping all of us, not just yourself and your own family, to pull on the anchor chain to call us back to the present, and the opportunities for delight in the midst of all life brings. I am grateful to you. |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: catspaw49 Date: 01 Jun 12 - 09:36 PM I dunno' if I'm pissing on today but I am trying not to piss myself laughing! Fact of matter though is that you nailed it in one Janie. I too am grateful Nigel.......and watch where you piss!!! LMAO Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: Nigel Paterson Date: 03 Jun 12 - 07:48 AM You Good People never cease to amaze me. You make me laugh...You make me cry...You comfort & reassure me...You make me think & reflect...You remind me, over & over, that I have Friends on whom I can rely, Friends with Warmth & Love in their Hearts. Friends for whom Compassion is a given & not a burdensome duty. Spaw, you're absolutely right, Janie "nailed it in one", eloquently & profoundly. Many wise, beautiful & funny words have been written in this thread. It is fast becoming 'a thread for Life & Living'. The accumulating wisdom is priceless & has become a 'Life Library' which I visit every day, often more than once. Jane remains positive & talks openly & freely (certainly with Ann & myself) about her health. The time we spend with her has become ever more precious. We laugh...cry sometimes, often when we're least expecting to, but above all, we are living our lives. Janie's words express what I'm trying to say: "....to pull on the anchor chain to call us back to the present, and the opportunities for delight in the midst of all life brings". With Much Love to You All, Nigel & Ann xxxxxxxxx |
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Subject: RE: Healing thoughts & prayers please (Nigel Paterson) From: gnu Date: 03 Jun 12 - 05:39 PM Well, I am pissed. I was usre I requested in this thread tahat 9 send me that joke but it appears I didn't. 9 (or Nigel), please do? Thanks in advance. Keep the faith eh? |
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