Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 01:56 AM

"It only stands to reason that the way to Nirvana is eightfold", said Gautama pathologically.

"My Father's house has many mansions", said Jesus spaciously.

"During Ramadan, dinner will be Allah carte", said Mohammed as fast as he could.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 02:12 AM

Sorry, no cookie.

"And that's how all the different kinds of plants and animals came about", said Darwin, originally but speciously.

"You can't get below minus 273 degrees" said Kelvin, rather coldly.

"So electricity is only produced when I move the magnet in the coil", induced Faraday.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 05:57 AM

"If you finish the ditch around my castle by Friday I'll pay you double", he said motivatingly.

"Come on chickens,here's food", said Tom enticingly.

"Sorry, I didn't catch that" Replied the chicken endearingly.

"It's destroyed my neural pathways", said Tom unnervingly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 10:48 AM

It's a fine night, he observed finitely

Roses are rose, violets are violet, Tom said pedantically

Sugar is sweet, but saccharine less fattening, he said fatuously

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 01:41 PM

"I'm working in an MP's office for no pay", said Tom internally

"You've got a neat bum", said Tom aesthetically.

"Tell me about the little demons in Lincoln Cathedral", he asked imploringly.

"Now Mr Law, would you like to tell us about you and Sienna Miller?", Tom asked judiciously.



.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 02:32 PM

"That smelly, sticky mess I found in the toilet turned out to be French cheese!" said Tom lugubriously.

"Then they dragged me out of the pub and into a rowing boat, and took me aboard the HMS Victory, where they forced me to be a sailor", he said, impressed.

"It was only when I counted it up that I found the recruiting party had only put elevenpence-ha'penny in my tankard", complained Tom, not the whole shilling.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 03:05 PM

"I awoke from the nightmare, and found I'd chewed the duvet to pieces", he said, down in the mouth.

"I bet that dog wishes he hadn't done that", said Tom cursorily.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 05:29 PM

"Then he just slipped down the crevasse", said Tom abysmally.

"Two down single duvets", he said acrostically.

"You are not entitled to a writing desk",said Tom bureaucratically.

"I'll show you where I hid Jeffrey Archer's whisky", said Tom conspiratorially.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 15 Feb 12 - 06:08 AM

What's your favourite comic? I like 'The Hotspur', he said valiantly


Is this vase from the Tang dynasty?
No, I think it's Ming, Tom said mercilessly


'Get fell in, you 'orrible lot!' cried the sergeant rancorously

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 15 Feb 12 - 11:23 AM

As a child, did you enjoy 'The Flowerpot Men'?

I liked Ben, he said beneficently, but not Bill, he moaned biliously

How about Little Weed? Never touch the stuff, Tom replied dopily

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 15 Feb 12 - 11:48 AM

"The doc says I'm morbidly obese and I have a bad case of flatulemce!" Nigel exclaimed, flabbergasted.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 15 Feb 12 - 12:47 PM

"Did you know that the average human testicle is about one inch across",said Tom diabolically.

"And most men have two", he added parabolically.

"Does using steroids makes them bigger", I asked anabolically.

"I pretend mine are larger", I added shambolically.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 12:34 PM

I keep going round in circles, he said diametrically

My name is legion! You're foreign, eh? He said knowingly

I've built a snowman, he said frostily

All the fun of the fair! He exclaimed in a roundabout way

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 02:04 AM

"It's not the top, and it's not the bottom", he sighed.

"We wear ribbons and bells because we are Morris dancers", they sighed.

"What's the name of that port at the north end of the Suez Canal?" she sighed.

"You ought to read Culture and Imperialism by Professor Edward Said", he prophesied.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Bugsy
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 02:54 AM

The first thought that came to mind when I saw the thread name "Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?", Was "No,but I sometimes play "Mickey Softley"

Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 07:43 AM

Mickey Softley?

Never heard of that one,Mr Happy remarked innocently

How's it played? He asked inquiringly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 11:53 AM

I'm feeling somewhat displaced & I could speak volumes on the subject,
said Archimedes densely

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 12:59 PM

" 'Heavy' refers only to the weight of the object: to determine its density you also need to know its volume", he said in evidence.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 05:12 PM

"Archimedes had no principles: he just liked a good screw" I calculated.

"I've just eaten a pack of feline vitamin tablets", said Tom catatonically.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 10:26 PM

"That angle is not even 45 degrees!" exclaimed Pythagoras in a cute way.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Bugsy
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 12:49 AM

I'm sure You know Mr Happy, but for those who don't

mikey softley


Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 02:44 AM

I'm sick of studying Aristotle, she said illogically.


I can sing like a bird! he crowed. May I sing with this group? he inquired.


I don't care if we're divorced - you're still mine! he exclaimed.

I see I'm going to have to sue for damages again, she retorted.


I must look very wise, he howled.


The war is over - why the long face, General? he said hoarsely.


Sheila didn't indicate you; she indicated Edward, she lamented.

Who he? he hooted.


We should weep for that fallen evergreen, he opined.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 06:32 AM

"I couldn't get a bit more coal on the fire" he said gratefully.

"All my money is borrowed", he said, all alone.

"We're going to end it all, Sue" we sighed.

"You're plotting to kill the King, Reg?" he sighed.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 06:39 AM

"I do love prunes", he said with aplomb.

"It produces enough heat to destroy a saucepan" he said with panache.

"There was a female deer at the back", I remembered with hindsight.

"..twice every day returning.", sang Tom tidily.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 06:52 AM

Bugsy,

Thanks for explanation, but can't see connection with the theme of this thread, I said disconnectedly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 09:43 AM

So you think you may have HIV, are you sure?

I'm positive, Tom said negatively


Turlough, would you write a yuletide song for me please?

How about a carol, Anne? replied Carolan composedly

God is dead, said Nietzsche ambiguously

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 03:28 PM

"Now a song from John Stew", he said, not entirely happy.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 20 Feb 12 - 03:23 PM

"The Famous Five books were written by Enid Ton", he said nobly.

"Two huge lakes!" he said with eerie superiority.

"That took my middle stump out!" he said boldly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 21 Feb 12 - 02:05 AM

[["We're going to end it all, Sue" we sighed.

"You're plotting to kill the King, Reg?" he sighed.]]

Really groan-worthy, Paul! Kudos!

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 21 Feb 12 - 02:07 AM

Paul, you stole my Great Lakes Tom Swifty! Aarrggh!

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 21 Feb 12 - 02:13 AM

"Why do you say I look like a horse," Dusty asked, with a long face?


"This Reuben sandwich is delicious," he uttered wryly.


"I've switched my furnace away from coal," Elaine explained, looking rather ghastly.


"I've just written a new tale, about Snow White and Rose Red!" Wilhelm announced grimly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 21 Feb 12 - 05:27 AM

"You should have seen what we got up to in Italy", said Tom romantically.

"I'll knock you off your horse!", shouted Tom deridingly

"It is known as the 'The Queen of the Belgian sea-side resorts'", said Tom ostensibly.

"All our exports are manufactured in the surrounding area", Tom hinted.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 21 Feb 12 - 07:00 AM

"We'll have to amputate from the shoulder",he said disarmingly.

"Technically he should be referred to as a 'Master Mariner', not 'Skipper'", said Tom semantically.

"Technically it should be referred to as a 'seminal fluid'", said Tom semantically.

"Well, I'm wearing this frock", she said distressed.

"I hate Quaker Oats!", she said disparaging.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 21 Feb 12 - 09:51 AM

Do you have your identity papers?

I don't have the foggiest, replied Phileas.

I have our passports, two, said Passepartout

I feel unwell, my eyes are misting over, it's a puke blur, said Paul nauseatingly and I think my underwear's become soiled, he said undeterred

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 21 Feb 12 - 11:39 AM

I've broken the drill from my brace, Tom said bitterly

My broken arm's been set in plaster & I've got pins & needles, he said castigatingly

How do you know he's an untouchable?

Well you can see the caste in his eye, he answered winkingly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Feb 12 - 03:32 PM

Step on the gas! Tom said Swiftly

I'm getting a little horse- I'm afraid l have a colt coming on.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 21 Feb 12 - 05:14 PM

Apologies, Genie, the only excuse is the Cat has been so dozy lately that I haven't been bothering to look down the page. And I was ratted at the time.

"He's the form-master of the Remove", he squelched.

"I'm invisible when I wear this ring", he said preciously.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 22 Feb 12 - 05:50 AM

Paul, by "stole" I meant that you posted a Tom Swifty that I was GOING to post. You beat me to the punch (she said flatly).   I'm pretty sure I hadn't already posted it.

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"This soup has a familiar herbal taste," Paul observed sagely.

"Drop and give me twenty push-ups!" the drill instructor barked compellingly.

"I crooned that ballad at the pub last night," George said sanguinely.

"I think I finally lost the stalker who's been following me around," she said chastely.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 22 Feb 12 - 06:57 AM

Where's Snitch & Snatch? asked his lordship snootily

I'm starving, said Horace, me too, said Dan desperately

I believe nothing to be true, Tom stated nihilistically

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 22 Feb 12 - 10:42 AM

Too much perfume, he sniffed.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 22 Feb 12 - 12:06 PM

I'm god, he said implausibly. Elohim, he greeted

I've made a talking snake, he hissed sibilantly

I never make mistakes, he said unerringly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 22 Feb 12 - 12:09 PM

Help me lift this pig! he grunted.

I am helping, she snorted.

Ow! The pig bit me! he squealed.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 22 Feb 12 - 03:10 PM

"Well, you made one this time, that's a kipper" he said unerringly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 22 Feb 12 - 04:03 PM

"Marry me!" he pleaded, witheringly.

"Lets see if the three musicians will extend us credit", he suggested, patriotically.

"This is where they grind up animal bones to make adhesive", he said gloomily.

"Day's breaking, Edward", she said, daunted.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 08:29 AM

I'll take the pooch for a walk, he said doggedly

Then I'll have a ride on my bike, he said cyclically

My perforated eardrum has been surgically removed, Tom announced exotically

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 08:54 AM

"I'd say she has a less than neat bum", he said subcutaneously.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 11:37 AM

I keep getting electric shocks from my nylon socks on this carpet, he said ecstatically

I need to mend my broken computer, he said fixedly

From a book about telescopes, you can see a long way with one, he cited

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 23 Feb 12 - 02:58 PM

"I use this bowl for collecting chicken vomit" said Sheerluck Holmes, forensically.

"That severed head in the colander might be significant" said Whereson, inclusively.

"That's the fourth victim I've buried this week, Mr. Detective!" said the sexton, bleakly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 07:15 AM

I'd offer you another drink but the milk's on the turn,
he said sourly

That's ok, the one's fine, she said teasingly


I enjoyed the runner beans, he pulsated

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 24 Feb 12 - 01:11 PM

Funny, I could have sorn I didn't write that last one. 8.52 Mudcat time is (let's see, counts on fingers) about 13.52 real time (give or take an hour), and I've been at work all day.

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Two messages from the same person are gone now. (moderator)