Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Mar 12 - 08:19 AM

"Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" said Jesus crossly.

"I could eat plates full of these Chinese dumplings", said Tom wantonly.

'Nice out isn't it?'said Eric. 'Well put it away, some ones coming.' replied Ernie precariously.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 19 Mar 12 - 03:20 AM

"What makes the Paddies tick?" she asked, having a sly go at the Irish.

"My favourite kind of music is sisetal" said Tom, with heavy emphasis.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 18 Mar 12 - 07:54 PM

"Ed - my name is Emma - and we prefer the term 'naturist'", she said, embarrassed.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 18 Mar 12 - 02:52 AM

"Top o' the mornin' to ye," Fiona chirped in a gal way.

"Kiss me, I'm Irish!" Seamus o'pined.

"Celtic music always fills me with lust," Liam admitted, sounding like a greenhorn.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 17 Mar 12 - 02:19 PM

"This should perk those old folkies up" he said catatonically.

"I've removed exactly 455g of hard skin from my feet" he segued.

"The mouse we trapped last time was a lot smaller" he said bigamously.

"You bastard offspring of a she-goat and a rodent!" they said unanimously.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 17 Mar 12 - 11:21 AM

"There's Ing Lee, and there's the smoking gun, in his hand!" he said approvingly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 17 Mar 12 - 07:01 AM

I'm coming, I'm coming, though my back is bending low, he ejaculated

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 07:27 PM

"Hooo...oowzaaat??" cried the bowler appealingly. "Out!" said the umpire boldly. "I think we've got enough runs anyway" declared the captain.

"And finally I got to the regatta" she said in a maidenly manner. "It was quite spoilt by that idiot who put detergent in the water" said Tom suddenly.

"I plan to demolish the largest town in Kerry and completely rebuild it" said Tom neutrally.

"This is nowhere near as good as the Bonzo Dog Band" he said substantially.

"Well he's living the life of somebody" she said wryly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 12:25 PM

They're changing guards at Buckingham Palace, Christopher Robin went down with Alice, said Tom feverishly

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 11:41 AM

"Fifty per cent support Edward," said Tom half-wittedly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 06:57 AM

"Please become a bell ringer" Tom appealed.

"I used to be a ring and it was fun" I extolled.

"Well why not do it again?" Rounded Tom.

"Go on, you'll enjoy it", Alice chimed in ringingly.

"I'm going to when I'm old enough", trebled Bob.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 16 Mar 12 - 02:57 AM

I'm into bondage, flagellation, domination, S&M, transvestitism, rubber fetishism, dogging, group sex, voyeurism... you name it, I'm up for it!" said Tom imperviously.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 15 Mar 12 - 11:29 AM

I like to rise when the sun she rises, so I set my clock to wake me, he said alarmed

I go off walking in the country most Sundays with friends,
Tom rambled on

I've got a digital and an SLR, he said bicamerally

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 15 Mar 12 - 11:04 AM

"We shall never vote Conservative," Tom notoriously said.

"We decided to buy a classic British automobile," he said ostentatiously.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 15 Mar 12 - 06:13 AM

"Can somebody explain how to connect three different lamps, a CD player and a TV so that they can all be used separately?" Asked Tom circuitously.

"When you wake up you will not remember any of this", said Tom transcending.

"Leave me alone I've got a nasty cold", he said snottily.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 15 Mar 12 - 02:48 AM

"I knew you'd see sense, Emilia" he puffed pottily.

"We quickly agreed on a verdict" said Tom injuriously.

"This is as cool as it gets, OK?" said Kelvin absolutely.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 11:49 PM

"Hey mon, how you like my Jamaican hair-style?" he asked in a voice of dread.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 08:37 PM

"Rah, rah, rah; sis, boom, bah!" he said cheerfully.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 06:42 AM

"Well, somebody tell me just HOW do I use suppositories", she repeated pushily.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,Paul Burke
Date: 14 Mar 12 - 03:20 AM

"And how do I use these suppositories?" she asked, quite innocent of bias.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 13 Mar 12 - 03:25 PM

"This flavoured gin is excellent". said Tom slowly.

"I just pressed the switch an it sparked", said Tom shortly.

"I used to wear y-fronts", said Tom briefly.

"But now I wear shorts", he added, boxing clever.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 13 Mar 12 - 12:33 PM

I've been thinking about raising money for charity,
he mused fundamentally

I used to be a Morrisman, said Maurice morosely

The former Irish currency was the Punt, he expounded

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 13 Mar 12 - 11:06 AM

"I've made up my mind - we'll play some Irish fiddle tunes," he said decidedly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Mar 12 - 02:58 AM

"Would Madame like some gateau or ice cream... or perhaps the morello cherry and tofu tart, today's special?" asked the waiter sweetly. "Desserts, eh?" she stressed in echo.

"I was privileged to see Bo Diddley live" said Tom sordidly. "I managed to collect some of the air from the venue in tins. When you open one, you can smell the atmosphere... you can even hear faint strains of music" he continued candidly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 13 Mar 12 - 01:06 AM

"This quantity of prevention is worth a pound of cure," he announced.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 13 Mar 12 - 01:04 AM

"I'm giving up this prospecting racket: whoever wants this potential gold mine can have it," ol' Tom declaimed.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 12 Mar 12 - 02:24 PM

"Increase the amplifier gain by two notches" she said voluptuously.

"Auntie May has fallen in the septic tank" said Tom incessantly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: GUEST,ketchdana
Date: 12 Mar 12 - 10:17 AM

"My weak sphincter won't stop me!" said Tom, undeterred.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 12 Mar 12 - 07:50 AM

"I'm much better than La Patomaine", Tom added gastrically.

"Bubbly chocolate gives me energy" said Tom aerodynamically.

"Les performances de votre merde", he said frankly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 11 Mar 12 - 12:17 PM

Upspake Gabriel saying, I play a strung instrument too! he harped on

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 11 Mar 12 - 05:57 AM

"Cassius Clay has caught chicken pox", said Tom rationally.

"But for all that I found there I might as well be..." he sang mournfully.

"Whether quality or tabloid, newspapers are all rightwing" telegraphed Tom sunnily. "Some are a bit more liberal in outlook" replied Ian guardedly.

"I play Tudor keyboard music", said Mary virginally. "And I play lute" replied Tom fretfully.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 10 Mar 12 - 09:09 PM

"Sorry for the two-day delay, but this is the greatest show on earth," he said superlatively.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 10 Mar 12 - 02:12 AM

"Of all the puns I've ever heard in my life, that one is by far the most ridiculous," Severn quipped superciliously.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 11:27 PM

"If I brush the sole of my aunt's foot with this feather, she will surely laugh," Tom said pedantically.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 07:23 PM

He drove straight into the lamppost, he said unswervingly

I've got no feeling in my leg, he said unnerved

The riots were in sight because a rabble-rouser was there to incite them, Tom said with insight

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 07:09 PM

"Jams O'Donnell? I'd better look that up" he said, google-eyed.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 07:09 PM

"How dare you insinuate I'm a slut, Mr. Limbaugh?!" Sandra exclaimed, horrified.

"You said you were having so much sex and with so many different men that you couldn't afford your birth control pills," replied Limbaugh, lying on the couch.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 07:02 PM

yerself- yer nam's Jams O'Donnell

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 06:52 PM

"A pint of this is your only man," he said plainly.

"I prefer this beverage," she said ailingly.

"To each his own, then - cheers!" they said, at loggerheads.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 06:48 PM

"I've brought some fiddles," said Tom with violence.

"Your glasses are unlikely to arrive on time," he speculated.

"And there's not the ghost of a chance I'll be able to find my former glasses," he expectorated.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 02:46 PM

"You told me that story before" he averred.

"And Michael Stipe, Peter Buck, Mike Mills and Bill Berry lead out of the final bend in this veteran celebrities' race!" he remonstrated.

"Auntie May can't hear without her glasses on", he said defiantly.

"These people are my flock- I make my living by shearing them" prayed the preacher.

"The very first broadside we gave to them, we wounded a hundred and fifty men" sang Tom, folkily.

"Oh you trawlermen, forget your snappers and your prawns" wailed Nic.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 02:18 PM

"Great day in the morning!" he said mournfully.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Paul Burke
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 01:25 PM

"It's a tiny, but fully functional, distillery" said Tom in a small still voice.

"Damn your nose!" he said, concussed.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: meself
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 12:03 PM

"I put everything into the envelope this time; it's in the mail," he said resentfully.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 09:36 AM

[PB, apologies for modification]


"I'm a specialist in spiders' teeth" said Tom incidentally, wincing!

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 09:15 AM

Oh where tell me where is your hieland lassie gone?
She'll be in the shiel, he said shieldedly


This old man, he played one. Not a bodhran? said Tom, horrified

I've got chronic flatulence, he blurted

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Michael
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 05:35 AM

"This is a genuine mink coat", she inferred.

"I was a vicar in a previous existence", he said preordained.

"It's a, um , kipper? er, sole? well some sort of flatfish", he floundered.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Genie
Date: 08 Mar 12 - 09:06 PM

I'd been sparing this one for future postings (she explained rationally):


"I've been driving for 40 years and never had an accident," she boasted recklessly.

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Greg B
Date: 08 Mar 12 - 07:08 PM

I own a vintage copy of Tom Swift and his Electric Rifle, which my parents used to call, tongue-in-cheek, "Tom Swift and His Electric Ram-Rod."

Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 08 Mar 12 - 12:15 PM

How dare you say I'm puerile! He shrieked childishly

Bah! Tom bleated sheepishly

Are there any vacancies for a baritone in the singing group?
She enquired