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Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?
Related thread:
BS: Tom Swifties anyone? (28)
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Subject: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Will Fly Date: 15 Jan 12 - 06:08 AM One of the teenage bits of silliness we used to indulge in at my school, over 50 years ago, was a game called "Tom Swifty" or "Tom Swifties". Named after a fictional character called Tom Swift, the idea was to invent a short statement by Tom which always ended with an adverb. The adverb described both the manner in which Tom said the statement - and the content of the statement. Some examples make it clear: "I've just broken my leg", said Tom lamely. "Here comes the winner!" said Tom rapidly. "All my hair's fallen out", said Tom baldly. And so on... |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 15 Jan 12 - 07:28 AM I did try to get a thread going back in 2006, but it didn't really take off. "Och, ye've got a lang widdle!", she said languidly. "Stop the horse!", he cried woefully. "I like Irish dance", she said flatly. "It's hard being a nudist up North", he said, worn out. For the Catholics amongst you: "God willing", she said deviously. |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 15 Jan 12 - 08:23 AM "I failed the exam", he said testily "It was on codebreaking", he added remorsefully |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Rapparee Date: 15 Jan 12 - 09:13 AM "No, never!" he said swiftly. |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 15 Jan 12 - 10:55 AM "No, never!" he said swiftly, as Mr Happy looked on uncomprehendingly. After the coat of arms fell off the wall, he seemed most crestfallen |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 15 Jan 12 - 02:12 PM "I can only speak once every seven days", he said weakly. |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Midchuck Date: 15 Jan 12 - 09:31 PM "I'm afraid I'm becoming a necrophiliac," he said in dead ernest. |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: ChanteyLass Date: 15 Jan 12 - 09:35 PM " ," Tom said silently. |
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Subject: RE: Folklore: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: wysiwyg Date: 15 Jan 12 - 10:01 PM Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? Sure! ~S~ |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,CrazyEddie Date: 16 Jan 12 - 05:09 AM "What's 12 times 12?" asked the schoolteacher squarely. "The illuminations are now complete" said John lightly. "I bet they won't work", said Harry darkly. "'P' means 'piano', 'PP' means 'pianissimo', explained the music teacher quietly" |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 16 Jan 12 - 05:55 AM " 12 times 12? - in my opinion, grossly overestimated!" That tree looks lonesome, he opined This knife's not very sharp, he said bluntly On the other hand, this one's like a razor, he said pointedly I think I'm getting alopecia, he proclaimed baldly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 16 Jan 12 - 06:41 AM The insurance company wouldn't pay up, he exclaimed You seem in good spirits, he said blithely We're on an efficiency drive, said the trawler's captain That's good, remarked the French Fries salesman, what we always need are more efficient ships! |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: eddie1 Date: 16 Jan 12 - 08:46 AM The late, great Hamish Imlach was a huge Tom Swifty fan in more ways than one. "I love camping", he said intently. "I never drink scotch" he said with a lack of spirit. Eddie |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Amos Date: 16 Jan 12 - 10:38 AM "I dropped my toothpaste!", Tom cried, crestfallen. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,GUEST - Montreal Date: 16 Jan 12 - 11:55 AM "They've traded the Babe", said Tom, ruthlessly. "I have no clothes", said Tom, barely. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Don Firth Date: 16 Jan 12 - 12:50 PM "No, I can't sing," Tom said, tonelessly. "But I can play the guitar," he added, pluckily. Don Firth |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Amos Date: 16 Jan 12 - 01:28 PM "But I can't play bare-fingered," he added pickily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,JTT Date: 16 Jan 12 - 01:29 PM For some reason, this thread reminds me of this piece in the broadsheet.ie online publication, which posits that eels always look as if they've just told a joke. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 16 Jan 12 - 03:06 PM I just love sailing on this lake, he said placidly One of my pigs has had its nose amputated, he said disgruntedly I wasn't able to get any concert tickets, he said disconcertedly I wandered lonely as a cloud, he said airily I wouldn't want to visit the moon,there's so little atmosphere I'll re-check those test results, he remarked |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 16 Jan 12 - 03:23 PM I'm unemployed, he said dolefully I'm a virgin, she said chastely It's too early to get up, he said mournfully |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 16 Jan 12 - 04:25 PM "'Ere is where Ted, Finbarr and Eddie lived", he said furiously. "Cocklesh and mushels alive alive O!" cried Molly shelfishly. "It's a dead midget", he said a little stiffly. "There's a prisoner abseiling down the wall", he said condescendingly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 16 Jan 12 - 04:48 PM "Buy one large one, and I'll throw in a pair of small ones for nothing", he said, a little too freely. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Bill D Date: 16 Jan 12 - 04:55 PM We played the game with great vigor..yes, about 50 years ago. I was renting a room from a guy whose basic business was being a 'slumlord'. He bought cheap houses and rented them with minimum amenities. So one day the game had gone on for hours, and late in the day, he got off one more good one. After he went to bed, I wrote out one more and taped it to a broom handle and leaned the broom against his bedroom door so it would fall inward when he opened it next morning. It said: (remember he was a slumlord) "I can barely make a living in this town with so much unemployment and rents so low.", said Tom...vacantly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Amos Date: 16 Jan 12 - 05:54 PM "Something there is that does not like a wall," he demurred frostily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,wordfella Date: 17 Jan 12 - 04:40 PM I'll take the prisoner downstairs, he said condescendingly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Joe_F Date: 17 Jan 12 - 09:43 PM "Radial-arm saws aren't all that dangerous", said Tom off-handedly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 18 Jan 12 - 06:47 AM I've had a brainwave, he said thoughtfully You've let me down, he said deflatedly I'll show you my etchings, he said demonstrably Would you like to sit down? he asked chairily |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 18 Jan 12 - 07:18 AM How long is a piece of string? he asked quizzicly I'll tell you the answer later, he said knowingly I don't get it, he said uncomprehendingly I've had a sex change, she said manfully |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 18 Jan 12 - 09:00 AM How's the new telescope? Astronomical! I've just been looking at Jupiter through it, he answered jovially I do like your fairground machines, are they very old? Well they've been roundabout for years, he replied roundly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 18 Jan 12 - 10:30 AM My shelves have all fallen down, he exclaimed tierfully Do you have a sore throat? Yes, said the pony rider hoarsely, I've been feeling a little hoarse! I feel like lying down, he said mendaciously |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 18 Jan 12 - 02:32 PM "Ey ukhnyem! Ey ukhnyem! Yeshtsho razik, yeshtsho da ras!" sang the boatman, in a vulgar manner. "69?" he inquired, oddly. "£50!" she responded, evenly. "Dear Miss", he began, mysteriously. "I've been in this back street since January, and it's nearly Easter", he said terminally. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Bill D Date: 18 Jan 12 - 03:32 PM "...in a vulgar manner." I thought that was silly... until I tried to say "vulgalarly" |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 18 Jan 12 - 04:08 PM "Are you reading mechanical engineering?" he stressed. "No, I'm studying chemistry", she retorted acidly. "De Valera must resign!" he shouted, devoutly. "That's not a snail on the flysheet, it's a shellfish!" he said, well content. "My house used to be a pub", he said informally. "What an uninspiring bunch of people", she said in dulcet tones. "Do you sing with other people?" she inquired. "There are lots of people in my choir", he replied menacingly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 18 Jan 12 - 04:46 PM "It's not very warm", she said bitchily. "I'm paid by the stanza for my poetry", she said perversely. "Strangers don't hang around these parts for long", he said feudally. "It's by oor ain feelosopher David Hume", he said humanely. "If the bowler got three wickets with successive balls, the captain used to give 'im an 'at", he explained theatrically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 19 Jan 12 - 05:17 AM "I didn't want to be crucified"', he said crossly. "But I do like to watch people having sex", he said doggedly. "Do you remember the young Vosburgh girl?", he asked mistily. "I'll show you how to stop the bleeding" he said staunchly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 19 Jan 12 - 06:02 AM "Adam, that looks rather like a serpent", she said evocatively. "Yes I know", said Adam cockily. "It's definitely sand", said Tome surely. "A war machine? It looks more like a baked bean tin!" Said Tom cantankerously. "I'll meet you beneath the church", said Tom cryptically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 19 Jan 12 - 06:55 AM I'm going to a funeral, he said gravely He's just banged his elbow, he said humerusly I'll be waiting under the viaduct, he said archly I can't feel anything, he said intangibly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 19 Jan 12 - 07:22 AM "Shut up,I'm trying not to confuse the perfect with the pluperfect", said Tom tensely. "I'm afraid I'll have to give up my job", she said resignedly. "I get depressed in the winter",said Tom sadly. "Do you ever worry about what's behind you?" Asked Tom reflectively. "I suppose I'll have to read 'Lives of the Great Thinkers' he sighed philosophically. "You really shouldn't pick in the Scottish philosopher just because he has long hair".Said Tom humanely. "I drank too much rum" said Tom groggily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 19 Jan 12 - 10:25 AM Another attack of malaria, he said feverishly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 19 Jan 12 - 11:02 AM "Ah root vegetable soup again?", complained the vicar parsimoniously. "Well all the vegetables were donated", said his housekeeper gratuitously. "We have no choice but to pay the government what they demand", Said Tom taxingly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: frogprince Date: 19 Jan 12 - 11:37 AM "Would you like to come up to my place and listen to me play trumpet", he said hornily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 19 Jan 12 - 01:09 PM "When I found out who posted all those provocative messages, I hacked into his system, and reprogrammed his printer to spray ink all over him!", said Tom, completely in control. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 20 Jan 12 - 04:10 AM I hear that actress Ms Stubbs was mugged & beaten up, he said unabashed More tea, vicar? He asked reverently Or would you prefer a glass of Vimto? he inquired cordially |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Kit Griffiths Date: 20 Jan 12 - 04:52 AM "Where have all the flowers gone?" sang Tom, lackadaisically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 20 Jan 12 - 06:47 AM LOL!! |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 20 Jan 12 - 08:51 AM What's afoot, asked Tom in measured tones The dog's eaten all the sausages! It's got the mangetout as well, he scoffed Is it difficult to play a harmonica? No, I've had liposuction, he mouthed |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 20 Jan 12 - 11:08 AM They saw other couples spooning in the meadow. What a stirring sight he said I've got dermatitis, he said rashly I've been forced to give up work, he said resignedly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 20 Jan 12 - 07:38 PM "I've written a letter to David Hume. Which house should I address it to?" he asked, posthumously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 21 Jan 12 - 08:12 AM "This picture is of Henry VIII in his later years", he said, not thinking. "Oh, my grandmother has very sensitive feet!", he said onanistically. "What an odd way to make love!" he said incuriously. "Eins, zwei...", sbe began drily. "Drei...", he went on fearfully. "O!" she said roundly. "I was executed in Edinburgh Castle", moaned the ghost, heedlessly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 22 Jan 12 - 05:05 AM My aunt's had a concretion removed, he said gallantly We saw a policeman urinating in the woods. Was he in a coppice? he asked nobly The extractor's blocked with animal hair, he said fervently We've been to the zoo, he said cagily |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 22 Jan 12 - 05:18 AM "We spent the holidays walking in the Cairns", he said gormlessly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 22 Jan 12 - 05:21 AM Tee-hee!! |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 22 Jan 12 - 05:21 AM He said laughingly! |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 22 Jan 12 - 05:37 AM I'm not guilty of affray your honour, he said innocently, it was just a plain tiff! |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 22 Jan 12 - 05:49 AM "2-0 away from home is a good win!" he said none too happily. "Get another fire extinguisher quick!" screamed Tom, not at all put out. "I just can't get these figures to add up", he said in total confusion. "It's an old Diesel bus", he said crossly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 22 Jan 12 - 06:51 AM At Waterloo, what boots did the Iron Duke wear & was he in good health? I believe he was very well, 'e quipped! He was also good at cards, unlike Bonaparte, who in his chain of command often desired a flush & often said so whistfully |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 22 Jan 12 - 07:44 AM My bedside lamp's stopped working he said disconnectedly I'm the wild rover he said furiously I've been refused as an organ donor he said disheartedly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST Date: 22 Jan 12 - 09:45 AM "Swordish", he said, mincing his words. "We've got the Germans on the rack, Foch", said General Haig, unintentionally. "If the enemy go anywhere in that bay, they'll be blown to bits", said the captain, mindfully. "Now I've seen it, I know what Scotsmen wear under the kilt", she said precariously. "Concerning a Code for Transmitting Messages by Electric Telegraph", he wrote with remorse. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 22 Jan 12 - 09:55 AM I think I ate too many cakes, he said sconefully |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 23 Jan 12 - 07:24 AM I can't find the glue, Millie, he said gloomily Others always finish my sentence..,he tailed off inadequately Does anyone know the square root of 2? he asked irrationally Probably Einstein. During the growing season he'd always make sure he'd planted his allium by the end of Oct, as it would certainly be unimaginable that he didn't know his octonions, he answered eruditely |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 23 Jan 12 - 07:48 AM Ah, I mist a bit out: Probably Einstein, relatively speaking |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: MGM·Lion Date: 23 Jan 12 - 12:18 PM "Guilty," said the jury foreman with conviction. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 23 Jan 12 - 01:51 PM "I'm mending shoes", he said at last. "My mouth's burning!" she cried bitchily. "This skeleton was probably a soldier in King Harold's army", the archaeologist inferred. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 23 Jan 12 - 04:48 PM "I'm thinking of buying another pair of Adidas trainers". "Why not try a different brand?" said Tom conversely. "I would never consider going out with a manual worker",said Daphne callously. "We're going to run out of food and then we'll all die!" Said Tom irrationally. "Let's all sleep under canvas" said Tom camply. "But it's going to rain, we'll all get wet", replied Chris portentously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 24 Jan 12 - 05:21 AM "I am the God of Hell Fire and I bring you hell Fire!" Said Arthur inaccurately. "I am the spirit of your first wife", said Elvira blithely. "Russia is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery",said Winston enigmatically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 24 Jan 12 - 08:29 AM All in all, it's just another brick in the wall, he suggested constructively Those queues in Aldi can be grim, said Grimaldi, the staff are like a bunch of clowns! The letter twixt a & c has stopped working on my PC, 'ellowed the policeman three times |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 24 Jan 12 - 09:43 AM You shouldn't take everything literally, he said matter of factly It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey, he said brazenly A unicorn? Fabulous! |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 24 Jan 12 - 11:18 AM Did I see Nelly on the telly? No that was Millie on air on 'Who wants to be a millionaire' Holmes, I think I've got indigestion. Alimentary, my dear Watson, said Holmes smugly James isn't good at horseriding. I agree, there's lots Jim canna do |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 24 Jan 12 - 11:22 AM "It's a cold wind", said Tom northerly. "Fisher, German Bight, Humber, a thousand and ten", said Tom rising slowly. "It's so cold I shall wear fingerless gloves", said Daisy intermittently. "I've drunk too much French Chardonnay" said the tramp shabbily. "Oh! Goody, Champers!"Said Trixie bubbly. "Those igneous rocks don't belong here", said Jim erratically. "Actually they're not igneous, they're metamorphic" Tom said nicely. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 24 Jan 12 - 11:29 AM http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Swifty |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 24 Jan 12 - 02:22 PM "Thank you, Mr Happy, for posting an explanation ", said Tom wickedly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 25 Jan 12 - 02:01 AM "At least the boat's level now", said Tom listlessly. "It can't possibly turn turtle anyway", replied Mary self- righteously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 25 Jan 12 - 08:14 AM I can't get these figures to add up, he said nonplussed At the auction, I didn't raise my hand in time, said Tom morbidly Did you manage to get dressed & catch the end of the fight? No, I only got as far as my boxer shorts |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 25 Jan 12 - 11:11 AM The men plant crops once a year, he said, manually Feel this, it's felt, he said touchingly Another unsolved problem, he moaned inconclusively |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 25 Jan 12 - 12:57 PM "Right lad, time to set the Christmas pudding on fire", Tom said flamboyantly. "Time for my annual listen to 'Pretzel Logic'", said Dan steely. "I'm gooin' om" said the Yorkshireman meditatively. "Let's make love on the church tower", said Tom inspiringly. "My flatfish is dead", said Tom inconsolably. "I can't say that;it's rude but I'll write it down", said Tom cursively. Naomi sent the two Moabite women home. "I will go alone" said Orpah ruthlessly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 25 Jan 12 - 01:58 PM "The enemy didn't just shoot at us, they said naughty words too!", said Tom, focused. "Quick, Matilda, run away!" he shouted flightily. "Cut the cackle Archbishop, and just eat your dinner", he said gracelessly. "I was stupid to wear only shorts and a vest in this weather", he said moronically. "My new girlfiend is blonde, with lovely tight buttocks", he said, firm but fair. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 26 Jan 12 - 03:46 AM firm but fair. Pfwaaahhh!!!, I'm getting palpitations! |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 26 Jan 12 - 09:44 AM Someone's used all the jam, he said jarringly Oh my god, who turned out the lights? asked Paul of Tarsus shortsightedly Isn't it blindingly obvious? Sayeth the lord I insist the earth is not a globe! He vented flatulently My wife's a pillar of the community, the salt of the earth, said Lot bitterly, without a backward glance |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 26 Jan 12 - 11:59 AM Someone's used all the jam, he said jarringly O, beg pardon, there's another on the shelf, I take that back, he extolled You've no sense of humour, he chortled unwittingly I think that tree's dying, he said witheringly That Irish lantern's brilliant! Yes, so bright he replied, even with the wick low |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST Date: 26 Jan 12 - 02:21 PM 'I've just dropped my false teeth overboard' he exclaimed, incidentally. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 26 Jan 12 - 02:53 PM "Fack the lot of yer", he said, factually. "Who put my Morris bells in the chicken dopiaza?" he demanded, encouragingly. "At last, I've got that floater to go down!" he cried, flushed with success. "I've been recruited by the KGB", he said, inspiringly. "I'm definitely against David Cameron", she said notoriously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 27 Jan 12 - 07:08 AM My sibling's got anorexia, he ain't heavy, he's my brother, said Tom lightly Lottie's been assaulted! said Lot without a backward glance. Sodom all, that's the long & short of it, he said in measured tones You are Dr. Livingstone, announced Stanley presumptuously My blood group is A Rh+ , he said positively |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 27 Jan 12 - 12:09 PM This winter I'm wearing combinations, said Long John, I have a vested interest! Nelson put the telescope to his eye. I see no ships, he said fleetingly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 28 Jan 12 - 07:40 AM I think you're really common, he said ubiquitously |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 28 Jan 12 - 09:35 AM "Meet the writer na Gopaleen," he smiles. "But that's a pointer to a float, not an integer!" she cried in terror. "The Germans attack at the same time every day", said the sergeant, quite unreliable. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Jim Dixon Date: 28 Jan 12 - 03:15 PM "The wind has died down," said Tom disgustedly. "That's the last we'll see of Dr. Frankenstein's creature," said Tom demonstratively. "Th—th—th—that's all, folks!" said Tom animatedly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 29 Jan 12 - 05:36 AM Excellent Jim. "I've just sat on a biting insect!" she cried, assonant. "She's been a long time", he said in a wily manner. "Tie the rope to that cleat, Edward", she said belatedly. "Dial!" said Tom, laid back. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: MGM·Lion Date: 29 Jan 12 - 06:50 AM Let us ask ourselves: are we all using the Cat here to Max effect? |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 29 Jan 12 - 07:05 AM We're open to Offers. Otherwise we'd have to do it ourselves. "Tie up the chickens, but keep them apart!" he said enticingly. "You don't look well", she said luckily. "My father is a cross- dresser", he said transparently. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 29 Jan 12 - 08:25 AM "Ah hain't a-gwine to pick no mo' cotton today, massa", he said balefully. "It looks like a tsunami travelling up the River Trent!" he cried eagerly. "Edward, I want to talk about Peter. Edward, I want to talk about Peter. Edward, I want to talk about Peter. Edward, I want to talk about Peter. Edward, I want to talk about Peter. Edward, I want to talk about Peter. Edward, I want to talk about Peter. Edward, I want to talk about Peter. Edward, I want to talk about Peter. Edward, I want to talk about Peter," she said repeatedly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 29 Jan 12 - 10:14 AM dial/laid, palindromes too eh? I made edam, he said cheesily |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 29 Jan 12 - 01:16 PM "Take off your clothes and lie next to the till", he counterposed. "I've got a new hymn for the book, Sankey", he said moodily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 29 Jan 12 - 03:30 PM "That damn Yankee general should be skinned alive", growled the old rebel, flagrantly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 30 Jan 12 - 06:50 AM "Facteur de distorsion huit",he said picardy. "Alex Comfort says we should do it like this", he said incorrectly. "You can't get pregnant the first time", he said inconceivably. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 30 Jan 12 - 08:31 AM Was it you or your brother who was killed in the war? I'm unsure, he said uncertainly I wish I wasn't short sighted, he said longingly All things bright and beautiful, the divine designer made them all, he said creatively |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 30 Jan 12 - 10:49 PM "My singing is sometimes a little pitchy," she said flatly. "My chest has sunk a bit over the years," the old woman said flatly. "I just picked up a nail in my left rear tire," he said flatly. "All the foam has done out of my beer," the pub patron complained flatly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: MGM·Lion Date: 31 Jan 12 - 01:12 AM "Great Irish dancing," said Michael Flatley. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 31 Jan 12 - 01:51 AM "Hail Mary", she began gracefully. "I've treated myself to a penis extension", he said, a little decayed. "And the cat sits on the other one", he said dogmatically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 31 Jan 12 - 08:02 AM "You'll never find the bodies, I buried them under calcium oxide", said Tom subliminally. "It's no secret,I just soak citrus rind in a sugar solution", said Tom candidly. "Your trouble is you've haven't got the balls", said Tom roundly. "I'll teach you Katherine", said Tom educatingly. "E. F. Schumacher", said Tom economically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 31 Jan 12 - 08:23 AM After throwing 2 @ 25's & a 50 with his 3 darts,100! he cried bullishly Mush! Mush! shouted the Eskimo huskily |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: MGM·Lion Date: 31 Jan 12 - 08:46 AM 101 [in Big Brotherly tones]. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 31 Jan 12 - 11:11 AM "You know, the guy who produced the Bond films",he said broccoli. "Of course I want to be a professor" he said charily. "I refer to your ugly little dog", said Tom repugnantly. "Don't make assumptions just because I'm from Wales", he replied sheepishly. "Anyway, the upshot was, the dog said 'So does anyone fancy sex'" he ended shaggily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 31 Jan 12 - 03:56 PM "So I bought a raffle ticket, and won an old Manchester United player!" he said in surprise. "A mugger tried to rob me in Bangkok, but I fought back and he fled", said Tom, tyranically. "Someone cut off the entire left side of my rugby kit", he said in short. "O Cod!" he said, oafishly. "No, that lens goes at the bottom of the microscope tube", he said objectively. "Fifty-one? Six? Five hundred?", he shouted, LIVID. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 01 Feb 12 - 01:46 AM How about a variant: Jonathan Swifties? "I'm writing a travel book", said the Dean, gullibly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: MGM·Lion Date: 01 Feb 12 - 03:21 AM Ah, yes, Paul ~~ A Modest Proposal indeed! |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 01 Feb 12 - 08:31 AM Have you read any Enid Blyton books? Only 5, he nodded famously |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 01 Feb 12 - 08:46 AM Lily, put the kettle on! I will, she replied shortly Its cutting edge technology! He said incisively It'll be wedding bells soon! She announced engagingly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 01 Feb 12 - 10:52 AM "I'm rather stiff from living in a low ceilinged loft", said Tom rheumatically. "Brackets to the lot of you!" (he said) parenthetically. "Only I can commentate on a royal wedding", said Richard Dimbleby. "I don't give a feck!", said Jack fecklessly. "I've discovered a way to hold my glasses on", said Tom spectacularly. "I only read one page of that D'urbervilles book", said Tom infinitesimally. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: MGM·Lion Date: 01 Feb 12 - 04:59 PM I have read the whole of it, I reply Hardily |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 02 Feb 12 - 02:07 AM "It's involved and boring, I don't..." she said, like a trollop. "H-heller!", she exclaimed, with hell in her heart. "I can't hear anything with this ear", she said definitely. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 02 Feb 12 - 10:14 AM I really need to urinate! He said peevishly Is there a doctor in the house? He asked philosophically I feel I'm going to throw up he said nauseatingly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 02 Feb 12 - 11:01 AM I keep getting tinnitus, complained the campanologist belligerently The boat's sprung a leak! He said balefully There's a pressing need for this ironing to be done, he said ironically You really shouldn't make it a rush job, he said scurrilessly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 02 Feb 12 - 12:18 PM "I threw up and the dog ate it!", said Tom cyclically. "I love bread and treacle", said Tom surreptitiously. "I'm the almost accurate knife thrower", he said cosmologically. "I'm looking for an invisible plane", said Tom stealthily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 02 Feb 12 - 01:39 PM "Well, you missed that flying saucer", replied Mary euphemistically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 03 Feb 12 - 01:53 AM "Whatever they say about Judas, he invested our money wisely, so when I'd finished teaching, preaching and working miracles, I could settle down on a good pension and write science fiction", he expostulated. "Milliband, it's time to return to the party's roots", he belaboured. "I play pibroch, but only the variations", he droned on, groundlessly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 03 Feb 12 - 06:35 AM I hear you've a degree in engineering. Affirmative, he answered mechanically In for a penny, in for a pound, he remarked pensively You're poor at tiddlywinks? I play very well, he countered |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 03 Feb 12 - 04:16 PM "Do you like stories, little girl, or would you like your photograph taken?" carolled Lewis, dodgily. "I expected you 'alf an hour ago, did Emu 'old you up?", he ululated. "That flying fish had roundels on its fins!" he said raffishly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 04 Feb 12 - 09:59 AM My eyelids were surgically removed following an accident, he said unblinkingly Intermittently, I get cramp in bed, he said spasmodically We've amassed a good supply of logs for winter, he said lumberingly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 06 Feb 12 - 03:43 AM I can't cut the grass, the machine's broke, he bemoaned Why do people say 'haitch' instead of 'aitch' ? he aspirated It's so shiny, I can see my face in it, he reflected The moon's looking gibbous, he gibbered That lost golfer's been located, he said profoundly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 06 Feb 12 - 06:02 AM "Turn round three t-i-i-mes at the full m-oo-oo-oo-n", he intoned enchantingly. "That acting was rather wooden", said Annie Oakley. "Pump up the volume",said Tom gainfully. "Just don't call me 'Flash Gordon' said Buster crabbily. "How does that thing stop reverberation?" asked Tom bafflingly. "Dover to Calais? No problem",Mr Webb said swimmingly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Dave Hanson Date: 06 Feb 12 - 07:38 AM Well bugger me said Quentin Crisp hopefully. Dave H |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 07 Feb 12 - 02:01 AM "Someone's poured black liquid all over my jazz/ rock collection!", he said in confusion. "I'd like a pint of Chester's" she said mildly. "It's your turn to get them in!", he replied roundly. "No, I got you Boddington's last time", she responded bitterly. "That was before I bought you a Guinness", he countered stoutly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 07 Feb 12 - 05:49 AM "Try 'Old Rosie'", I appealed". "I'm not sure", he said undecidedly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 07 Feb 12 - 06:27 AM We are not amused, she mused No nay never, he sang negatively As I roved out, he rambled |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 07 Feb 12 - 07:44 AM "I can't stop this horse", said Tom woefully. "My object was to win Irish freedom", said Patrick piercingly. "It's like living next door to a brothel!" Said Tom hormonally. "I am Master of The Queen's Music", said Arthur blissfully. "Time for my postprandial walk",said Erskine constitutionally. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 08 Feb 12 - 10:12 AM I've lost a glove, have you seen it? He asked searchingly I had two, but one's gone, he said onerously The sentry's dead, he said guardedly It's very smoky in here, he fumed |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,John from Kemsing Date: 08 Feb 12 - 11:31 AM "I see Harry Redknapp got off" he said guiltily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 08 Feb 12 - 12:16 PM "Help me to find a new boyfriend", she said mandatingly. "Sorry but I dropped the Captain Morgan", said Tom rumbustiously. "All art is sex; all sex is art", said Tom conceptually. ""Do I look like I give a shit?", said Tom constipatedly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 08 Feb 12 - 01:36 PM ...as he sat completely motionless. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 08 Feb 12 - 05:38 PM ...on a stool. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 08 Feb 12 - 07:31 PM "I could never really understand Kant," she said categorically. "Last night I dreamed about a wigwam and a teepee," he explained all too tensely. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 08 Feb 12 - 07:34 PM One of his front teeth was knocked out when he fell against a hatchet, accidentally. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 08 Feb 12 - 07:35 PM He sailed his boat out to the deeper waters on porpoise, just to see the dolphins playing. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 09 Feb 12 - 06:52 AM "I'm trying to develop a manure spreader with a less random distribution pattern", said Tom scatalogically. "No;it's not a concertina, it's a melodeon", said Simon carefully. "Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Phil Beer!" Said Steve nightly. "I don't believe in all this Jesus stuff", said Tom irredeemably. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST Date: 09 Feb 12 - 08:14 PM "Sinatra sucks!", said Tom frankly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 10 Feb 12 - 02:42 AM "I haven't eaten in 3 days," Gertrude said, speaking very fast. "When I sing this song, I start out in C, then shift to D, and finally finish in E," explained Roberto, who was too keyed up. "I don't look good in khaki," complained Beetle Bailey, fatigued. "Irish setters are the most beautiful breed of all," Fiona doggedly insisted. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 10 Feb 12 - 04:05 AM "Oops! Damn tree root!" exclaimed Homer trippingly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 10 Feb 12 - 05:33 AM "I laid turf but it didn't grow", said Tom forlornly. "That's because I stole it", I replied graspingly. "Just because I like 'Saves the Day' and have black hair doesn't mean I'm suicidal", he said emotively. "Nigella and Delia are Kitchen Gods!" Said Tom pantheistically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 10 Feb 12 - 07:39 AM I've proved the theory of creationism! he exclaimed unconvincingly But I can't explain it, he said inexplicably Onward Christian soldiers, he said ambiguously |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 10 Feb 12 - 07:50 AM "And this piece represents the beginning of life", said Tom conceptually. "You mean some people actually buy smoothies?" Asked Tom innocently. And over you I'll build a bridge..", sang Tom archly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 10 Feb 12 - 09:39 AM I'm undecided, he said uncertainly I'm uncertain, he said indecisively I've loads of money, he boasted fortunately My donkey's really mulish, he said asininely |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 10 Feb 12 - 09:51 AM "This is the stick we beat the new boys with", he said arcanely. "I'm even better than La Petomane", Said Tom gastrically. "You'll never guess what I call my cross-eyed teddy bear", said Tom gladly. "To prove how sorry I am, I'll let you have twelve marquees for a shilling", Tom said penitentially. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 10 Feb 12 - 10:09 AM There is much evil in war, said Evelyn Waugh evilly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 10 Feb 12 - 02:57 PM "Oh, wow! I'm t-r-r-i-i-pping!!!" Timothy cried acidly (though leerily). |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 11 Feb 12 - 09:41 AM "It's a hawk.. or perhaps a buzzard..." said Tom orchestrally. "I was caught in flagrente with a young soldier in Wellington Barracks", said Tom, taken off his guard. "Then there was the time I shagged Gallagher", he continued uproariously, "And this is where I had sex with Pete the folksinger", he went on incoherently. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 11 Feb 12 - 02:08 PM "Some sonofabitch has trodden black fluid all over my new white carpet", sobbed Tom inconsolably. "That little Jack in the corner is off 'is 'ead", he said ornamentally. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 12 Feb 12 - 11:09 AM "Thank goodness, I've finally found my long-lost stupid brother," she exclaimed, dumbfounded. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 13 Feb 12 - 03:26 AM I'm in a hurry, he said hastily There's no rush, he said unhurriedly I don't care what happens, Tom said inconsequentially |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 13 Feb 12 - 08:52 AM "I detest 'The Threepenny Opera', he said curtly. "In fact it's total shit" he added vilely. "This view of Whitby is stunning", said Tom picturesquely. "I am referring to your the bottom of your legs", said Tom subliminally. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: redhorse Date: 13 Feb 12 - 05:44 PM "He's doing something obscene with that potato!" she shrieked dictatorially. "Calm down, dear" said Michael winningly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 14 Feb 12 - 01:56 AM "It only stands to reason that the way to Nirvana is eightfold", said Gautama pathologically. "My Father's house has many mansions", said Jesus spaciously. "During Ramadan, dinner will be Allah carte", said Mohammed as fast as he could. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 14 Feb 12 - 02:12 AM Sorry, no cookie. "And that's how all the different kinds of plants and animals came about", said Darwin, originally but speciously. "You can't get below minus 273 degrees" said Kelvin, rather coldly. "So electricity is only produced when I move the magnet in the coil", induced Faraday. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 14 Feb 12 - 05:57 AM "If you finish the ditch around my castle by Friday I'll pay you double", he said motivatingly. "Come on chickens,here's food", said Tom enticingly. "Sorry, I didn't catch that" Replied the chicken endearingly. "It's destroyed my neural pathways", said Tom unnervingly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 14 Feb 12 - 10:48 AM It's a fine night, he observed finitely Roses are rose, violets are violet, Tom said pedantically Sugar is sweet, but saccharine less fattening, he said fatuously |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 14 Feb 12 - 01:41 PM "I'm working in an MP's office for no pay", said Tom internally "You've got a neat bum", said Tom aesthetically. "Tell me about the little demons in Lincoln Cathedral", he asked imploringly. "Now Mr Law, would you like to tell us about you and Sienna Miller?", Tom asked judiciously. . |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 14 Feb 12 - 02:32 PM "That smelly, sticky mess I found in the toilet turned out to be French cheese!" said Tom lugubriously. "Then they dragged me out of the pub and into a rowing boat, and took me aboard the HMS Victory, where they forced me to be a sailor", he said, impressed. "It was only when I counted it up that I found the recruiting party had only put elevenpence-ha'penny in my tankard", complained Tom, not the whole shilling. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 14 Feb 12 - 03:05 PM "I awoke from the nightmare, and found I'd chewed the duvet to pieces", he said, down in the mouth. "I bet that dog wishes he hadn't done that", said Tom cursorily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 14 Feb 12 - 05:29 PM "Then he just slipped down the crevasse", said Tom abysmally. "Two down single duvets", he said acrostically. "You are not entitled to a writing desk",said Tom bureaucratically. "I'll show you where I hid Jeffrey Archer's whisky", said Tom conspiratorially. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 15 Feb 12 - 06:08 AM What's your favourite comic? I like 'The Hotspur', he said valiantly Is this vase from the Tang dynasty? No, I think it's Ming, Tom said mercilessly 'Get fell in, you 'orrible lot!' cried the sergeant rancorously |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 15 Feb 12 - 11:23 AM As a child, did you enjoy 'The Flowerpot Men'? I liked Ben, he said beneficently, but not Bill, he moaned biliously How about Little Weed? Never touch the stuff, Tom replied dopily |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 15 Feb 12 - 11:48 AM "The doc says I'm morbidly obese and I have a bad case of flatulemce!" Nigel exclaimed, flabbergasted. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 15 Feb 12 - 12:47 PM "Did you know that the average human testicle is about one inch across",said Tom diabolically. "And most men have two", he added parabolically. "Does using steroids makes them bigger", I asked anabolically. "I pretend mine are larger", I added shambolically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 16 Feb 12 - 12:34 PM I keep going round in circles, he said diametrically My name is legion! You're foreign, eh? He said knowingly I've built a snowman, he said frostily All the fun of the fair! He exclaimed in a roundabout way |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 17 Feb 12 - 02:04 AM "It's not the top, and it's not the bottom", he sighed. "We wear ribbons and bells because we are Morris dancers", they sighed. "What's the name of that port at the north end of the Suez Canal?" she sighed. "You ought to read Culture and Imperialism by Professor Edward Said", he prophesied. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Bugsy Date: 17 Feb 12 - 02:54 AM The first thought that came to mind when I saw the thread name "Ever play 'Tom Swifty'?", Was "No,but I sometimes play "Mickey Softley" Cheers Bugsy |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 17 Feb 12 - 07:43 AM Mickey Softley? Never heard of that one,Mr Happy remarked innocently How's it played? He asked inquiringly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 17 Feb 12 - 11:53 AM I'm feeling somewhat displaced & I could speak volumes on the subject, said Archimedes densely |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 17 Feb 12 - 12:59 PM " 'Heavy' refers only to the weight of the object: to determine its density you also need to know its volume", he said in evidence. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 17 Feb 12 - 05:12 PM "Archimedes had no principles: he just liked a good screw" I calculated. "I've just eaten a pack of feline vitamin tablets", said Tom catatonically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 18 Feb 12 - 10:26 PM "That angle is not even 45 degrees!" exclaimed Pythagoras in a cute way. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Bugsy Date: 19 Feb 12 - 12:49 AM I'm sure You know Mr Happy, but for those who don't mikey softley Cheers Bugsy |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 19 Feb 12 - 02:44 AM I'm sick of studying Aristotle, she said illogically. I can sing like a bird! he crowed. May I sing with this group? he inquired. I don't care if we're divorced - you're still mine! he exclaimed. I see I'm going to have to sue for damages again, she retorted. I must look very wise, he howled. The war is over - why the long face, General? he said hoarsely. Sheila didn't indicate you; she indicated Edward, she lamented. Who he? he hooted. We should weep for that fallen evergreen, he opined. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 19 Feb 12 - 06:32 AM "I couldn't get a bit more coal on the fire" he said gratefully. "All my money is borrowed", he said, all alone. "We're going to end it all, Sue" we sighed. "You're plotting to kill the King, Reg?" he sighed. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 19 Feb 12 - 06:39 AM "I do love prunes", he said with aplomb. "It produces enough heat to destroy a saucepan" he said with panache. "There was a female deer at the back", I remembered with hindsight. "..twice every day returning.", sang Tom tidily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 19 Feb 12 - 06:52 AM Bugsy, Thanks for explanation, but can't see connection with the theme of this thread, I said disconnectedly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 19 Feb 12 - 09:43 AM So you think you may have HIV, are you sure? I'm positive, Tom said negatively Turlough, would you write a yuletide song for me please? How about a carol, Anne? replied Carolan composedly God is dead, said Nietzsche ambiguously |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 19 Feb 12 - 03:28 PM "Now a song from John Stew", he said, not entirely happy. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 20 Feb 12 - 03:23 PM "The Famous Five books were written by Enid Ton", he said nobly. "Two huge lakes!" he said with eerie superiority. "That took my middle stump out!" he said boldly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 21 Feb 12 - 02:05 AM [["We're going to end it all, Sue" we sighed. "You're plotting to kill the King, Reg?" he sighed.]] Really groan-worthy, Paul! Kudos! |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 21 Feb 12 - 02:07 AM Paul, you stole my Great Lakes Tom Swifty! Aarrggh! |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 21 Feb 12 - 02:13 AM "Why do you say I look like a horse," Dusty asked, with a long face? "This Reuben sandwich is delicious," he uttered wryly. "I've switched my furnace away from coal," Elaine explained, looking rather ghastly. "I've just written a new tale, about Snow White and Rose Red!" Wilhelm announced grimly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 21 Feb 12 - 05:27 AM "You should have seen what we got up to in Italy", said Tom romantically. "I'll knock you off your horse!", shouted Tom deridingly "It is known as the 'The Queen of the Belgian sea-side resorts'", said Tom ostensibly. "All our exports are manufactured in the surrounding area", Tom hinted. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 21 Feb 12 - 07:00 AM "We'll have to amputate from the shoulder",he said disarmingly. "Technically he should be referred to as a 'Master Mariner', not 'Skipper'", said Tom semantically. "Technically it should be referred to as a 'seminal fluid'", said Tom semantically. "Well, I'm wearing this frock", she said distressed. "I hate Quaker Oats!", she said disparaging. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 21 Feb 12 - 09:51 AM Do you have your identity papers? I don't have the foggiest, replied Phileas. I have our passports, two, said Passepartout I feel unwell, my eyes are misting over, it's a puke blur, said Paul nauseatingly and I think my underwear's become soiled, he said undeterred |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 21 Feb 12 - 11:39 AM I've broken the drill from my brace, Tom said bitterly My broken arm's been set in plaster & I've got pins & needles, he said castigatingly How do you know he's an untouchable? Well you can see the caste in his eye, he answered winkingly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Ebbie Date: 21 Feb 12 - 03:32 PM Step on the gas! Tom said Swiftly I'm getting a little horse- I'm afraid l have a colt coming on. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 21 Feb 12 - 05:14 PM Apologies, Genie, the only excuse is the Cat has been so dozy lately that I haven't been bothering to look down the page. And I was ratted at the time. "He's the form-master of the Remove", he squelched. "I'm invisible when I wear this ring", he said preciously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 22 Feb 12 - 05:50 AM Paul, by "stole" I meant that you posted a Tom Swifty that I was GOING to post. You beat me to the punch (she said flatly). I'm pretty sure I hadn't already posted it. --- "This soup has a familiar herbal taste," Paul observed sagely. "Drop and give me twenty push-ups!" the drill instructor barked compellingly. "I crooned that ballad at the pub last night," George said sanguinely. "I think I finally lost the stalker who's been following me around," she said chastely. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 22 Feb 12 - 06:57 AM Where's Snitch & Snatch? asked his lordship snootily I'm starving, said Horace, me too, said Dan desperately I believe nothing to be true, Tom stated nihilistically |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 22 Feb 12 - 10:42 AM Too much perfume, he sniffed. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 22 Feb 12 - 12:06 PM I'm god, he said implausibly. Elohim, he greeted I've made a talking snake, he hissed sibilantly I never make mistakes, he said unerringly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 22 Feb 12 - 12:09 PM Help me lift this pig! he grunted. I am helping, she snorted. Ow! The pig bit me! he squealed. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 22 Feb 12 - 03:10 PM "Well, you made one this time, that's a kipper" he said unerringly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 22 Feb 12 - 04:03 PM "Marry me!" he pleaded, witheringly. "Lets see if the three musicians will extend us credit", he suggested, patriotically. "This is where they grind up animal bones to make adhesive", he said gloomily. "Day's breaking, Edward", she said, daunted. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 23 Feb 12 - 08:29 AM I'll take the pooch for a walk, he said doggedly Then I'll have a ride on my bike, he said cyclically My perforated eardrum has been surgically removed, Tom announced exotically |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 23 Feb 12 - 08:54 AM "I'd say she has a less than neat bum", he said subcutaneously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 23 Feb 12 - 11:37 AM I keep getting electric shocks from my nylon socks on this carpet, he said ecstatically I need to mend my broken computer, he said fixedly From a book about telescopes, you can see a long way with one, he cited |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 23 Feb 12 - 02:58 PM "I use this bowl for collecting chicken vomit" said Sheerluck Holmes, forensically. "That severed head in the colander might be significant" said Whereson, inclusively. "That's the fourth victim I've buried this week, Mr. Detective!" said the sexton, bleakly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 24 Feb 12 - 07:15 AM I'd offer you another drink but the milk's on the turn, he said sourly That's ok, the one's fine, she said teasingly I enjoyed the runner beans, he pulsated |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 24 Feb 12 - 01:11 PM Funny, I could have sorn I didn't write that last one. 8.52 Mudcat time is (let's see, counts on fingers) about 13.52 real time (give or take an hour), and I've been at work all day. Two messages from the same person are gone now. (moderator) |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 24 Feb 12 - 03:09 PM "Mirror? or rim?" he reflected. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 25 Feb 12 - 05:41 AM That little devil didn't tell the truth, Tom implied It's a lost cause, said Jude obscurely I've acquired the ability to determine the sex of newborn chicks, he engendered |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 25 Feb 12 - 06:28 AM Moses, take a letter! Dictated the deity I've just made a man, he said adamantly I'm going to make a woman too, he said, eventually Have an apple, it's one of your 5 a day, said the asp exasperatingly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 26 Feb 12 - 06:47 AM Where did you find the camping stuff? It was in the paper, he said inadvertently I, Robot, Sonny said mechanically I am your father, which aren't in heaven, said Darth Vader paternalistically |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 26 Feb 12 - 02:14 PM You seemed to like that apple, Eve insinuated. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 26 Feb 12 - 03:20 PM "Una had a relationship with Edmund", he said, unaffected. "My sister in law squeals and wriggles if I gently brush her toes with a feather", said Albert relativistically. "Either play some music or go to the Devil" he importuned. "Get going, old bike!" urged Tom, procedurally. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 26 Feb 12 - 03:43 PM "We left a tip", said Tom, gratuitously. "And I left Calvin a gratuity," Mary said, typically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 26 Feb 12 - 04:28 PM "It's more than just a cold," said the Spaniard influentially. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 26 Feb 12 - 04:29 PM "Abraham, how about a sacrifice?" said God, sunnily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 28 Feb 12 - 03:02 AM We've just got an automated cleaning lady, Tom said charismatically |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 28 Feb 12 - 05:30 AM "Give us a call about the brass concert", said Tom euphoniously. "The card in my mobile phone is rubbish", said Tom symbolically. "You sang it differently this time", said Cecil sharply. "Do you think four minutes and thirty three seconds might be a bit too long?" Asked John cagily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 28 Feb 12 - 12:45 PM The more things change, the more they stay the same. Well it's an old Karr, he continued These hot cross buns are cold, he said crossly I don't care a fig, said Adam figuratively |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 28 Feb 12 - 01:10 PM "Your mobile phone card is a bit sad", agreed Mary sympathetically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 28 Feb 12 - 01:33 PM "I'll buy you a new bra", said Tom sportively "This Elizabethan collar is making me sore", said Tom roughly. "I'm going to marry a footballer",said Victoria waggishly. "One who plays for Tottenham?" I asked spuriously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 28 Feb 12 - 04:21 PM "I thought Clapton's act was hopeless" she cried hysterically. "He's better with Jack Bruce and Ginger Baker," he screamed. "The paintwork on my car has lost all its gloss" said Tom charismatically. "And there I saw thousands of amphibians... it looked like one of them was making a speech!" he said neutrally. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 29 Feb 12 - 09:18 AM We've had a power cut, has anyone got a lantern? Tom asked tortuously I've got laryngitis, he croaked You know that was the last thing on my mind, Tom Paxton sang ultimately |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Jim Dixon Date: 29 Feb 12 - 02:07 PM "I wish I had a motorized bicycle," Tom moped. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 29 Feb 12 - 02:21 PM "I'd rather save for a Vincent", foreshadowed Mary blackly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 01 Mar 12 - 10:50 AM I've missed my flight, he said plaintively Which kind of aircraft? I was going by Boeing, he said with a spring in his step Ah, Spring! Time for some gardening, he said earthily |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 02 Mar 12 - 02:53 PM Too many to mention separately, but some of these are laugh-out-loud funny! (And some of you are clearly deranged.) ; ) ----------- "I have the ability to foresee events that are yet to come," the oracle professed sibilantly. "That was in the past. We need to look to the future," she advised, tensely. "Oh, where, oh where can my tuning fork be?" she sang pitchily. "I'm proud my name is Gingrich," the candidate averred, though sounding neutral. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 02 Mar 12 - 02:56 PM "You're adding a fourth Golden Girl instead of just us three?" Betty, Bea and Estelle asked ruefully. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 02 Mar 12 - 03:03 PM pitchily? I didn't know it was allowable to make up your own words, Mr Happy commented unknowingly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 02 Mar 12 - 03:56 PM "It's absolutely imperative!" incanted Immanuel categorically. "It is de definitive statement of my belief" he decreed. "I always make money when I sell my writings", she said, never at a loss for words. "This cave painting is highly symbolic, it's almost writing" said the archaeologist prescriptively. "But this Cretan script is neither frpm the Minoan period nor the Mycaenian", replied Tom non- linearly. "I'm having a coronary!" he gasped heartily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 03 Mar 12 - 12:20 AM Happy, "pitchy" is a word used ubiquitously on singing competition shows and by a lot of vocal coaches. They use it to mean the singer's vocals were not consistently pitch-perfect, i.e., their pitch tended to waver. So the adverbial form would be "pitchily." It may be slang, but it seems to be pretty common in usage these days. (Actually, the word "pitchy" has been in the dictionary for a long time as an adjective referring to the substance pitch - e.g. meaning resembling, full of, or smeared with pitch. Or it can mean dark, as in pitch black.) I'm betting there are other adverbs that have been contributed in this thread that would also count as slang or neologisms. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 03 Mar 12 - 01:04 AM "'Pitchy'?" he questioned genially. "It's a word", she/he replied, too happy altogether. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 03 Mar 12 - 01:17 AM "I better put this on; I'm spilling booze all down my front," he said imbibiously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 03 Mar 12 - 08:20 AM "Be a brave chicken", said Tom encouraging. "Oh come on chicken, I'll take you out for dinner", said Tom entreatingly. "It'll be fun" he enthused enjoyably. "Too late now, I'm taking the other 144" he said engrossed. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: DMcG Date: 03 Mar 12 - 09:11 AM My daughter has just done one completely unintentionally, when she said that someone denying being in a car accident was unabashed. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 03 Mar 12 - 12:58 PM "Pitchy: like or characteristic of pitch; smeared with pitch; abounding in pitch; black", he adjudged in Chambers. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 03 Mar 12 - 03:42 PM "You've got something in your eye" beamed Tom, remotely. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 03 Mar 12 - 07:25 PM Good one, DMcG. Paul, you're right that that's the older usage of the term "pitchy," but that definition doesn't work for the Tom Swifty I posted. ---- "I guess I'll have to play cards by myself," Niles sighed solitarily.'' "Great hips!" Theodore exclaimed rosily as he sipped his herbal tea. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 04 Mar 12 - 09:40 AM It wouldn't worry me either way Genie- the more inappropriate the verb or adverb, the better! "I'm a specialist in spiders' teeth" said Tom incidentally. "And I'm a vet specialising in spiders" replied Mary insecurely. "This engine has a chimney at each end" said Tom fairly. "But this one has a truck for fuel and water behind it" replied Mary tenderly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 04 Mar 12 - 10:54 AM I heard that soldiers in India used their sun hats as urinals, Tom informed us pithily I'm having problems unfastening your bra, he said, groping for words So you're an expert in dog training? I am! She barked |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 04 Mar 12 - 02:03 PM I couldn't give a hoot! the ornithologist said owlishly Every time I open my mouth, some fool speaks, said the teacher unthinkingly Here's a painting I did in Truro, it's a Cornish pastiche, said Tom artfully |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 05 Mar 12 - 05:38 AM "I need to buy a cedar chest," Marie said, in a truncated statement. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 05 Mar 12 - 05:41 AM "Great moustache, Salvador!" exclaimed Celia surrealistically! "Jane and I have been lovers for years," George intimated. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 05 Mar 12 - 10:40 AM "I would guess there are around 300 Tory MPs" he said conservatively. "And a handful of them others in the coalition", he added, liberally. "What about the socialists?" I asked to labour the point. "Any UKIP?" Tom asked sleepily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 05 Mar 12 - 10:56 AM "I'll take a quarter-bushel of those apples," he said peckishly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 05 Mar 12 - 10:57 AM "I want you to get rid of that old horse," she nagged. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 05 Mar 12 - 04:35 PM "I most certainly will not while I can still ride him bareback", he replied with unbridled passion. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 05 Mar 12 - 05:02 PM "Did you hear the chickens sing last night?" Tom enquired. "No, but I heard them at prayer", I replied enchanted. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 06 Mar 12 - 12:27 PM I've forgotten the magic word to loosen the ropes, groaned the escapologist, spellbound |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 06 Mar 12 - 08:02 PM "Bee bee bop'm da da shoo bee doot'n wah wah bah bay," warbled Ella scatalogically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 07 Mar 12 - 06:28 AM "Et tu?" Asked Caesar brutalized. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 07 Mar 12 - 10:11 AM "I see we are only posting one at a time now" he said rationally. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 07 Mar 12 - 10:56 AM "I just saw the twenty-fourth letter of the alphabet!" he said excitedly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 07 Mar 12 - 03:39 PM "And I know where to find the next one" he added wisely. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST Date: 08 Mar 12 - 02:04 AM "Captain, I wish you wouldn't sink your ship quite so frequently" said the Admiral recklessly. "I slept with that Edwina Currie" said tom dictatorially. "Catherine is from India" he said delicately. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 08 Mar 12 - 06:17 AM "Catherine likes cold meats, cheeses and of course pakoras and samosas." he added delicately too. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 08 Mar 12 - 12:15 PM How dare you say I'm puerile! He shrieked childishly Bah! Tom bleated sheepishly Are there any vacancies for a baritone in the singing group? She enquired |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Greg B Date: 08 Mar 12 - 07:08 PM I own a vintage copy of Tom Swift and his Electric Rifle, which my parents used to call, tongue-in-cheek, "Tom Swift and His Electric Ram-Rod." |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 08 Mar 12 - 09:06 PM I'd been sparing this one for future postings (she explained rationally): "I've been driving for 40 years and never had an accident," she boasted recklessly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 09 Mar 12 - 05:35 AM "This is a genuine mink coat", she inferred. "I was a vicar in a previous existence", he said preordained. "It's a, um , kipper? er, sole? well some sort of flatfish", he floundered. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 09 Mar 12 - 09:15 AM Oh where tell me where is your hieland lassie gone? She'll be in the shiel, he said shieldedly This old man, he played one. Not a bodhran? said Tom, horrified I've got chronic flatulence, he blurted |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 09 Mar 12 - 09:36 AM [PB, apologies for modification] "I'm a specialist in spiders' teeth" said Tom incidentally, wincing! |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 09 Mar 12 - 12:03 PM "I put everything into the envelope this time; it's in the mail," he said resentfully. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 09 Mar 12 - 01:25 PM "It's a tiny, but fully functional, distillery" said Tom in a small still voice. "Damn your nose!" he said, concussed. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 09 Mar 12 - 02:18 PM "Great day in the morning!" he said mournfully. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 09 Mar 12 - 02:46 PM "You told me that story before" he averred. "And Michael Stipe, Peter Buck, Mike Mills and Bill Berry lead out of the final bend in this veteran celebrities' race!" he remonstrated. "Auntie May can't hear without her glasses on", he said defiantly. "These people are my flock- I make my living by shearing them" prayed the preacher. "The very first broadside we gave to them, we wounded a hundred and fifty men" sang Tom, folkily. "Oh you trawlermen, forget your snappers and your prawns" wailed Nic. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 09 Mar 12 - 06:48 PM "I've brought some fiddles," said Tom with violence. "Your glasses are unlikely to arrive on time," he speculated. "And there's not the ghost of a chance I'll be able to find my former glasses," he expectorated. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 09 Mar 12 - 06:52 PM "A pint of this is your only man," he said plainly. "I prefer this beverage," she said ailingly. "To each his own, then - cheers!" they said, at loggerheads. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 09 Mar 12 - 07:02 PM yerself- yer nam's Jams O'Donnell |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 09 Mar 12 - 07:09 PM "How dare you insinuate I'm a slut, Mr. Limbaugh?!" Sandra exclaimed, horrified. "You said you were having so much sex and with so many different men that you couldn't afford your birth control pills," replied Limbaugh, lying on the couch. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 09 Mar 12 - 07:09 PM "Jams O'Donnell? I'd better look that up" he said, google-eyed. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 09 Mar 12 - 07:23 PM He drove straight into the lamppost, he said unswervingly I've got no feeling in my leg, he said unnerved The riots were in sight because a rabble-rouser was there to incite them, Tom said with insight |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 09 Mar 12 - 11:27 PM "If I brush the sole of my aunt's foot with this feather, she will surely laugh," Tom said pedantically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 10 Mar 12 - 02:12 AM "Of all the puns I've ever heard in my life, that one is by far the most ridiculous," Severn quipped superciliously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 10 Mar 12 - 09:09 PM "Sorry for the two-day delay, but this is the greatest show on earth," he said superlatively. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 11 Mar 12 - 05:57 AM "Cassius Clay has caught chicken pox", said Tom rationally. "But for all that I found there I might as well be..." he sang mournfully. "Whether quality or tabloid, newspapers are all rightwing" telegraphed Tom sunnily. "Some are a bit more liberal in outlook" replied Ian guardedly. "I play Tudor keyboard music", said Mary virginally. "And I play lute" replied Tom fretfully. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 11 Mar 12 - 12:17 PM Upspake Gabriel saying, I play a strung instrument too! he harped on |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 12 Mar 12 - 07:50 AM "I'm much better than La Patomaine", Tom added gastrically. "Bubbly chocolate gives me energy" said Tom aerodynamically. "Les performances de votre merde", he said frankly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,ketchdana Date: 12 Mar 12 - 10:17 AM "My weak sphincter won't stop me!" said Tom, undeterred. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 12 Mar 12 - 02:24 PM "Increase the amplifier gain by two notches" she said voluptuously. "Auntie May has fallen in the septic tank" said Tom incessantly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 13 Mar 12 - 01:04 AM "I'm giving up this prospecting racket: whoever wants this potential gold mine can have it," ol' Tom declaimed. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 13 Mar 12 - 01:06 AM "This quantity of prevention is worth a pound of cure," he announced. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST Date: 13 Mar 12 - 02:58 AM "Would Madame like some gateau or ice cream... or perhaps the morello cherry and tofu tart, today's special?" asked the waiter sweetly. "Desserts, eh?" she stressed in echo. "I was privileged to see Bo Diddley live" said Tom sordidly. "I managed to collect some of the air from the venue in tins. When you open one, you can smell the atmosphere... you can even hear faint strains of music" he continued candidly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 13 Mar 12 - 11:06 AM "I've made up my mind - we'll play some Irish fiddle tunes," he said decidedly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 13 Mar 12 - 12:33 PM I've been thinking about raising money for charity, he mused fundamentally I used to be a Morrisman, said Maurice morosely The former Irish currency was the Punt, he expounded |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 13 Mar 12 - 03:25 PM "This flavoured gin is excellent". said Tom slowly. "I just pressed the switch an it sparked", said Tom shortly. "I used to wear y-fronts", said Tom briefly. "But now I wear shorts", he added, boxing clever. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 14 Mar 12 - 03:20 AM "And how do I use these suppositories?" she asked, quite innocent of bias. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 14 Mar 12 - 06:42 AM "Well, somebody tell me just HOW do I use suppositories", she repeated pushily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 14 Mar 12 - 08:37 PM "Rah, rah, rah; sis, boom, bah!" he said cheerfully. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 14 Mar 12 - 11:49 PM "Hey mon, how you like my Jamaican hair-style?" he asked in a voice of dread. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 15 Mar 12 - 02:48 AM "I knew you'd see sense, Emilia" he puffed pottily. "We quickly agreed on a verdict" said Tom injuriously. "This is as cool as it gets, OK?" said Kelvin absolutely. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 15 Mar 12 - 06:13 AM "Can somebody explain how to connect three different lamps, a CD player and a TV so that they can all be used separately?" Asked Tom circuitously. "When you wake up you will not remember any of this", said Tom transcending. "Leave me alone I've got a nasty cold", he said snottily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 15 Mar 12 - 11:04 AM "We shall never vote Conservative," Tom notoriously said. "We decided to buy a classic British automobile," he said ostentatiously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 15 Mar 12 - 11:29 AM I like to rise when the sun she rises, so I set my clock to wake me, he said alarmed I go off walking in the country most Sundays with friends, Tom rambled on I've got a digital and an SLR, he said bicamerally |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 16 Mar 12 - 02:57 AM I'm into bondage, flagellation, domination, S&M, transvestitism, rubber fetishism, dogging, group sex, voyeurism... you name it, I'm up for it!" said Tom imperviously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 16 Mar 12 - 06:57 AM "Please become a bell ringer" Tom appealed. "I used to be a ring and it was fun" I extolled. "Well why not do it again?" Rounded Tom. "Go on, you'll enjoy it", Alice chimed in ringingly. "I'm going to when I'm old enough", trebled Bob. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 16 Mar 12 - 11:41 AM "Fifty per cent support Edward," said Tom half-wittedly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 16 Mar 12 - 12:25 PM They're changing guards at Buckingham Palace, Christopher Robin went down with Alice, said Tom feverishly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 16 Mar 12 - 07:27 PM "Hooo...oowzaaat??" cried the bowler appealingly. "Out!" said the umpire boldly. "I think we've got enough runs anyway" declared the captain. "And finally I got to the regatta" she said in a maidenly manner. "It was quite spoilt by that idiot who put detergent in the water" said Tom suddenly. "I plan to demolish the largest town in Kerry and completely rebuild it" said Tom neutrally. "This is nowhere near as good as the Bonzo Dog Band" he said substantially. "Well he's living the life of somebody" she said wryly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 17 Mar 12 - 07:01 AM I'm coming, I'm coming, though my back is bending low, he ejaculated |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 17 Mar 12 - 11:21 AM "There's Ing Lee, and there's the smoking gun, in his hand!" he said approvingly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 17 Mar 12 - 02:19 PM "This should perk those old folkies up" he said catatonically. "I've removed exactly 455g of hard skin from my feet" he segued. "The mouse we trapped last time was a lot smaller" he said bigamously. "You bastard offspring of a she-goat and a rodent!" they said unanimously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 18 Mar 12 - 02:52 AM "Top o' the mornin' to ye," Fiona chirped in a gal way. "Kiss me, I'm Irish!" Seamus o'pined. "Celtic music always fills me with lust," Liam admitted, sounding like a greenhorn. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 18 Mar 12 - 07:54 PM "Ed - my name is Emma - and we prefer the term 'naturist'", she said, embarrassed. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 19 Mar 12 - 03:20 AM "What makes the Paddies tick?" she asked, having a sly go at the Irish. "My favourite kind of music is sisetal" said Tom, with heavy emphasis. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST Date: 20 Mar 12 - 08:19 AM "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" said Jesus crossly. "I could eat plates full of these Chinese dumplings", said Tom wantonly. 'Nice out isn't it?'said Eric. 'Well put it away, some ones coming.' replied Ernie precariously. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 20 Mar 12 - 11:43 AM 300!He said, tricentennially |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 20 Mar 12 - 01:33 PM "GUEST was me, somebody ate my cookie", I added Nicely. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 20 Mar 12 - 01:42 PM "When you wake you will believe you are Auden" he said transversely. "When you wake up you will believe you are my father", lied Tom transparently. "And when you wake up you will believe you are a statue", Tom transposed. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 20 Mar 12 - 05:01 PM "You need to press these pants again to make the folds neat," he insisted, replete. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 20 Mar 12 - 06:47 PM The garage band's rendition of "Ripple" was a dead ringer for the original. "I refuse to cover any of Mr. Boone's vapid pop songs," the rocker insisted, standing pat. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 21 Mar 12 - 11:00 AM Step ye gaily, on we go, sang Tom homosexually You can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk, he scribbled I was really cut up when the canal boat sank, he said narrowly I was really upset when the narrow boat sank, he said cut to the quick |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 22 Mar 12 - 04:21 AM "Is that a Siamese? It looks more like an Egyptian Mau," the show judge commented cattily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 22 Mar 12 - 08:23 AM "Tha'mun have a key to th' hut, Milady" said the gamekeeper chattily. "I will destroy" The Doctor", said the Time Lord masterfully. "And over you I'll build a bridge", he sang archly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 22 Mar 12 - 08:40 AM Oh, Liverpool Lou, lovely Liverpool Lou, Tom sang lavishly Oh no, the spare wheel's missing from the boot, Tom said tirelessly Will you return the lorry you borrowed? he said truculently |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 22 Mar 12 - 11:51 AM "We'll still be in the strip club at closing time," he said titillatingly. "Hey, I've just made up a limerick!" Edward leered. "No, thank you; I can carry this piece of the clothesline apparatus by myself," he said politely. "There's no point in arriving on time," he said belatedly. "You could use your bayonet - like this!" he pointed out. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 22 Mar 12 - 12:29 PM I can't find my cloak of invisibility, he exclaimed transparently It's a long way to Tipperary, Tom said distantly Willie no come back again? Said the returning officer |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 23 Mar 12 - 07:26 AM "The Large Hadron Collider doesn't actually exist you know", said Tom concerned. "O'er the hills and o'er the main..., sang Tom slightly sharp. "I've decided not to be homosexual any more", said Tom with gay abandon. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 23 Mar 12 - 11:02 AM "So I said to myself, These number just don't add up," he recounted. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 24 Mar 12 - 10:12 AM "Let's waltz away from the crowd in the middle; I'd rather not get into the reasons," she said, dancing around the issue. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 25 Mar 12 - 11:46 AM I ain't got nobody, sang the decapitated head There's no rationale to this rationing, he said irrationally I think it's a great tit! The ornithologist Tweeted |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 25 Mar 12 - 02:43 PM "That miserable dog is covered in wet dirt," he said in a curmudgeonly tone. "Ever play Tom what?" he hurriedly replied. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Rapparee Date: 25 Mar 12 - 09:44 PM "It hasn't rained for months," Tom said drily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 26 Mar 12 - 08:00 AM "I get my pleasures from hearing confessions", said Tom vicariously. "I live a frugal life", said the priest parsimoniously. "The Bishop laid his hands in me", the child confirmed. "I can't help being loud!" Roared the Cannon. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 26 Mar 12 - 08:26 AM I can't get no satisfaction, sang Mick jaggedly Doctor, my face is all blotchy! Looks like acne, said the physician rashly I'm not feeling myself, Tom said uncharacteristically |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 26 Mar 12 - 03:08 PM "The bottom is just soft silt, there's nothing for the flukes to hold on" said Tom cantankerously. "And the sailors can't make up their minds what to do" he continued crucially. "The cook has come up with some awful hard biscuit" he complained tackily "And it's full of weevils" he continued grubbily. "The sailors don't seem to take any notice of these huge waves" we went on, just as well. "My jacket is made of real donkey skin" he said in an aside. "It's pickled in brine" he continued, assaulted. "Anyway, I'm going below decks- it's this way" he said companionably. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST Date: 27 Mar 12 - 09:13 AM hi Michael Brandt? Are you originally from edinburgh? Craigmount high school? If so its Sandy (Robert Sandison) here! |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 27 Mar 12 - 09:53 AM "Sandy?" he asked through gritted teeth. "That Chicago bluesman's real name was Morgan McKinleyfield," he said, further muddying the waters. "He was no Blind Lemon Jefferson," she replied sourly. "We could build wall," he said constructively. "Whoops! I just knocked out his teeth with this chopping implement," he said accidentally. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 27 Mar 12 - 10:26 AM Garcon, I've waited ages, could you bring my drink please? He requested whiningly Can you spare me one of those trout you caught? No, I'll get a good price in the market Tom said selfishly Jeeves! Brush the yard, there's a good fellow, said Bertie in a sweeping statement |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 27 Mar 12 - 10:38 AM Sandy! Surely not, cried Julian hornily |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 27 Mar 12 - 10:27 PM "That ale's so strong I'm seeing fairies dancing!" cried Seamus, pixillated. "I can't keep these short internet messages from running around by brain," Ashley exclaimed, twitterpated. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 27 Mar 12 - 10:30 PM "This bouquet of roses and lilacs is lovely, but I wish it had some shastas in it too," said Monica with a lackadaisical air. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 28 Mar 12 - 12:52 AM "I adore your doe-like eyes," he fawned. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 28 Mar 12 - 12:57 AM "Some day, we may have a female pope - Pope Catherine," he pontificated. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 28 Mar 12 - 04:27 AM We're having a secret foxhunt, he whispered covertly, and afterwards we'll be fishing, he said with bated breath, near Walton on the Naze. I do hope everything in my tacklebox is there, said Isaac as he compleated his statement |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 28 Mar 12 - 10:17 AM "I love fishing," said Tom, angling for an invitation. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 29 Mar 12 - 05:52 AM I went nude sunbathing, now I've got a brown willie & balls, he said tangenitally My little friend lives inside this old lamp & grants wishes, said Aladdin genially |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 29 Mar 12 - 06:59 AM "I'm not a virgin any more!" Said Tom with chagrin. "Then I hope you did it correctly", replied an upright citizen. "Of course I did", responded Tom rather prickly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 29 Mar 12 - 11:33 AM I've broken my oar, he said robustly It caught on a cable, he said crabbily The takeaway was closed, Tom said nonplussed |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Michael Date: 29 Mar 12 - 02:37 PM "Was it closed, or was the door just jammed?" Opinion was divided at times. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 29 Mar 12 - 06:44 PM "You need to pull yourself together," he advised Toulouse. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 30 Mar 12 - 03:27 PM "I'm into Arts and Crafts at home" said Mary luminously, "I weave with wool I find on thorns and barbed wire" she continued, woolgathering. "Have I mentioned Dai Jones, Dai Evans and Dai Williams?" asked Tom, three- dimensionally. "Are yew teautally med?" he asked deftly. "Are you sure he's not married to another woman?" demanded Iona stonily. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 30 Mar 12 - 03:57 PM "No, 'Et tu, Brutus' is wrong- Caesar was addressing Brutus, so it should be 'Et tu, Brute' with an E on the end" said Tom, evocatively. "Mistletoe and Wine... Bachelor Boy... Summer Holiday... Living Doll? He deserves to die!" said Tom, cliffhanging. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 31 Mar 12 - 10:30 AM "Those two prostitutes are women of unstained virtue," he said paradoxically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Dave Hanson Date: 31 Mar 12 - 11:48 AM Boring. Dave H |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 01 Apr 12 - 07:45 AM The bar's open 'til all hours, so we can drink, fornicate, slap & tickle through the night, Tom said scintillatingly The water's flowing all over the place, he said meanderingly I've picked a large bag of cotton bolls, he said balefully |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 01 Apr 12 - 09:21 AM "I am the new model for your art class," he said imposingly. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: GUEST,Paul Burke Date: 01 Apr 12 - 11:01 AM "I've never been a Soviet agent!" hissed Alger, uninspiringly. "I think you were, and I'll do my damndest to get you executed!" replied Nixon spikily. "The little devil's got lots of money" Tom imploded. "I earned it fairly on the stage" the devil replied, impacted. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: meself Date: 02 Apr 12 - 09:54 AM "I don't think so," said Tricky Dick, nixing that idea. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Genie Date: 03 Apr 12 - 12:49 AM "We both have advanced degrees. Linda's a DDS and I'm an MD," declared Terry paradoxically. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 03 Apr 12 - 04:58 AM This up & down drilling is really tedious, said Dave H Boringly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Paul Burke Date: 03 Apr 12 - 01:26 PM "I've made myself a jet plane from some old junk I bought from NASA" said Tom apologetically. "By 'eck, I bet it's fast!" responded Mary expediently. "By 'eck, it doesn't move at all" replied Tom ecstatically. "We're near where I left my ice pick last time we climbed this way" said Mary, coming to a climax, "It's on that shelf jutting out from the cliff" she alleged. |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 13 Apr 12 - 06:29 AM I never rely on first impressions, he said unassumingly |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 25 Apr 12 - 03:47 AM I'll just have a single malt, Tom said onerously Bring me some shellfish, he demanded clamourously I swear to tell the truth, he said cursively |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 26 Apr 12 - 06:30 AM I'm abroad at the moment, Tom said outlandishly My shoes are leaking, he said solelessly I haven't got Delerium Tremens, he said shaking his head |
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Subject: RE: Ever play 'Tom Swifty'? From: Mr Happy Date: 22 Jun 12 - 05:26 AM Do you take sugar? She asked sweetly The boat's leaking, he said balefully Can I have a glass of soda? he asked caustically |
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