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Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics

GUEST,Roobarb 23 Mar 12 - 03:47 PM
GUEST,Snuffy on Selchie's PC 23 Mar 12 - 05:09 PM
GUEST 23 Mar 12 - 05:11 PM
GUEST 23 Mar 12 - 05:14 PM
GUEST,Snuffy on someone else's laptop 23 Mar 12 - 05:15 PM
GUEST,Snuffy on Selchie's PC 23 Mar 12 - 05:22 PM
GUEST,Roobarb 14 Apr 12 - 09:46 AM
Dead Horse 14 Apr 12 - 12:58 PM
GUEST,Hootenanny 14 Apr 12 - 04:55 PM
NightWing 15 Apr 12 - 12:44 AM
GUEST 28 Dec 12 - 07:06 AM
GUEST 15 Jan 13 - 12:34 PM
Charmion 15 Jan 13 - 01:05 PM
GUEST,Charmion's brother Andrew 15 Jan 13 - 03:25 PM
Sanjay Sircar 15 Jan 13 - 11:19 PM
banjoman 16 Jan 13 - 05:06 AM
Snuffy 16 Jan 13 - 08:02 AM
Sanjay Sircar 16 Jan 13 - 06:27 PM
pavane 18 Jan 13 - 04:16 AM
pavane 18 Jan 13 - 04:19 AM
The Walrus 18 Jan 13 - 05:10 AM
pavane 19 Jan 13 - 10:57 AM
GUEST 19 Jan 13 - 02:06 PM
GUEST,proud son of a Marine Corp Colonel 31 Mar 18 - 11:36 AM
GUEST,Tim 18 Sep 18 - 10:31 AM
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Subject: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST,Roobarb
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 03:47 PM

There were lots of old Cockney/London songs, often known by ex-servicemen and usually sung when the pubs turned out.
I am really concerned that they are all being forgotten, as they were usually rude to obscene.
Does anyone remember any?

A couple I am interested in are

The Comical Cock, which starts
"One Sunday afternoon, I thought I'd go for a walk, I had a bowl down Petticoat Lane to hear the people talk
I had but two and six, I went into a shop.
The man behind the counter said 'have you seen my comical cock?'

Cock a doodle do, its nothing to do with you, I've lost me cock, me comical cock, whatever shall I do.
Cock a doodle I am surprised at you."

There were lots more verses, which included something about putting his cock under his coat and squeezing it tight. All double entendre of course as it is about a male chicken!

Another is one Sunday Over the Leas

"One Sunday over the leas, my boyfriend did it to me. He did it to me once, he did it to me twice and I had to admit that it was very nice"

I don't know the reast.

There were lots of other like the one mentio9ned in the Blaze Away thread. "Why can you walk with it in" to Souza's Star and Stripes Forever, and the Mademoiselle from Armentierres, Parlez Vous, Usually startin with
"Three German Soldiers Crossed the Line Parlez Vous Fxxxing the girls and drinking wine. Inky Pinky Parlez Vous"
They came across a country inn..l. and kicked the Fxxxing door right in"
The landlords daughter was young and fair.....Liliy white tits and golden hair"
They tied her to a rusty bed..... fxxd her til she was dead"
"The took her down a leafy lane,,,,fxxd her back to life again"

any more?

A;lso some more recent ones like
"me no like you Brritish soldier, Yankee pay five dollars more!
Yankee give me lovely presents you just call me f...ing whore"
"Yankee tap upon my window, you kick in my f,,,ing door!"
Good wholesome stuff, but very funny when you've had a few.

More verses, more songs???


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST,Snuffy on Selchie's PC
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 05:09 PM

CHINESE MAIDEN'S LAMENT - English sailor, not British soldier!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 05:11 PM

Lots of info on Three German Officers in this thread as well as Mademoiselle


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 05:14 PM

The Me No Like You song is to the tune of what a Friend We Have in jesus (or - When this lousy was is over)

Another really offensive one was to do with Jesus on the cross, but it had me in fits of laughter when I heard it in an NCOs Mess. Anyone know the words?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST,Snuffy on someone else's laptop
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 05:15 PM

Sorry I forgot to sign that last post.

Walter Pardon is just one of many traditional singers who have recorded versions of the Comical Cock, also known as Cock A Doodle Do


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST,Snuffy on Selchie's PC
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 05:22 PM

Correction: I was the first unknown guest poster. In reply to the second Guest, do you mean this?

There is a green hill far away
Without a city wall
Where our dear Lord was crucified
Who died to save us all
2 - 3 - 4
For he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow
For he's a jolly good fellow
And so say all of us


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST,Roobarb
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 09:46 AM

I heard a few REME NCOs pass the Jesus song around, each having to add a new verse and although it was pretty rude, it was hilarious, as was the "Me No Like You" song which seemed to have lots of verses.
Not much response to the old London songs, although I have found the words to the Comical Cock on here and they refreshed my memory of the London version.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: Dead Horse
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 12:58 PM

British Grenadier Variations

Some die of drinking water and some of drinking beer.
Some die of constipation and some of diahorrea,
But of all the world's diseases, there's none that can compare
With the drip, drip, drip, of a syphillitic prick and they call it gonorrhoea!

I like the girls who say they will and I like the girls who won't.
I hate the girls who say they will and then they say they won't,
But of all the girls I like the best, I may be wrong or right,
Are those who say they never will, but look as though they might!

Xmas Day

    Just a few verses of a traditional tear jerker....

    It was Christmas day in the Cookhouse,
    The happiest day of the year,
    Mens' hearts were full of gladness,
    And their bellies full of beer,
    Then up stands Private Shorthouse,
    His face as bold as brass
    Saying "We don't want your Christmas pudding
    you can stick it up your..
    Tidings of comfort and joy,
    Comfort and joy,
    Oh, tidings of comfort and joy


    It was Christmas day in the harem,
    the eunuchs were standing 'round
    And hundreds of beautiful women
    were stretched out on the ground
    Then in walked the bold, bad Sultan
    and gazed on his marbled halls
    Saying "What do you want for Christmas Boys?"
    And the eunuchs answered...
    Tidings of comfort and joy,
    Comfort and joy,
    Oh, tidings of comfort and joy

    Now it was Christmas Day in the jailhouse,
    The old man sat in his cell,
    "Put out your pudding, for treacle,"
    He heard the warden yell,
    "If you want treacle on your pudding,
    Put it out without delay."
    The old man put out his pudding,
    And the warden took it away.

DO YOUR EARS HANG LOW? (Substitute various parts of anatomy other than Ears)

Do your ears hang low, do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them is a bow?
Can you throw them o're your shoulder like a continental soldier?
Do your ears hang low?

Do your ears stick out, can you waggle them about?
Can you flap them up and down as you fly around the town?
Can you shut them up for sure when you hear an awful bore?
Do your ears stick out?

Do your ears stand high, do they reach up to the sky?
Do they droop when they're wet, do they stand up when they're dry?
Can you semaphore your neighbor with the minimum of labor?
Do your ears stand high?

Do your ears flip flop, can you use them for a mop?
Are they stringy at the bottom, are they curly at the top?
Can you use them for a swatter, can you use them for a blotter?
Do your ears flip flop?

Do your ears stretch wide, do they flap from side to side?
Do they wave in the breeze from the slightest little sneeze?
Can you soar above the nation with a feeling of elation?
Do your ears stretch wide?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST,Hootenanny
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 04:55 PM

Cockney songs?
Here is one my father sang at my sister's wedding;

I'm as happy as a fly upon the bullshit
I'm as happy as the flowers in May
Cat shit, dog shit all around the place
Mother in Law's pissy drawers
Dangling n your face
Ther's the dog, the duck having a round of luck
And just to crown it all
There is little Tommy Tucker
The dirty little feller
Pissing up the garden wall

Hoot


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: NightWing
Date: 15 Apr 12 - 12:44 AM

I love it, Hootenanny!

What's the tune? (ABC? MIDI? MP3?)

And here's the version *I* have of "Me No Likee British Sailor"

BRITISH SAILOR

CHORUS:
Me no likey British sailor (Blitish sailor)
Yankee pay five dollar more (five dolla mo)

Yankee calls me honey baby
British calls me fucking whore

Yankee knocks upon my window
British kicks in fuckin' door

Yankee cocks are sometimes limpy
British cocks, they leave me sore

Yankee lays me on a pillow
British fucks me on the floor

Yankee tender kissed my nipples
British licks my pussy raw

Yankee treats me like his mother
British fucks me on all fours

Interestingly, I've heard it sung by different people to the tunes "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" and to "Reuben, Reuben, I've Been Thinking"

BB,
NightWing


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Dec 12 - 07:06 AM

Cheers! thank you. I heard it to what a friend. Had me in fits!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Jan 13 - 12:34 PM

The version of "Me No Likee British Sailor" was much shorter and simpler:-

Me no likee British Sailor
Yankee Sailor come ashre
Yankee sailor plenty money
Me no jiggy-jiggy you no more.


A total piece of nonsense verse:

TIDDLYWINKS (TUNE: Sailors' Hornpipe)

Tiddlywinks old man, get a woman if you can,
If you can't get a woman, do without old man,
'Cos, 'till the Rock of Gibralter takes a flying leap at Malta
You'll nevet get your bollocks in a bully beef can.


Somewhere, I've the words to the chant of "The Foreskin Fusiliers", which should fit well in this thread.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: Charmion
Date: 15 Jan 13 - 01:05 PM

The second line of Tiddlywinks makes more sense if it goes "If you can't get a woman, find a clean old man".

At least that's how it went when I learned it, many years ago.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST,Charmion's brother Andrew
Date: 15 Jan 13 - 03:25 PM

Tune: Eton Boating Song

Sitting on top of the ammo, playing with my diddle-do,
Jerking off into my trousers, 'cause I have fuck-all else to do.
Life as a Herbie* is thrilling, whether at peace or at war,
And if God and the B.C.** are willing, I'll find out what my penis is for.

'Cause we're all fucking screwed up, screwed up as we can be!
Life in the fucking artillery is not what it's cracked up to be.
So, if you're in need of employment, the money and pension's for you,
But stay out of the fucking artillery: you'll wear out your poor diddle-do.

* Herbie: nickname for members of the Royal Canadian Horse Artillery, likely from the preferred source of caps in the regiment, Herbert Johnson of New Bond Street.
** Battery Commander.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: Sanjay Sircar
Date: 15 Jan 13 - 11:19 PM

Does anyone have the words of a song addressed to a Sergeant-Major about his daughter which includes the lines:

I couldn't get it in

I couldn't get it out

And then I got it out
And it was red and sore
God damn it, Sergeant-Major
Your daughter wanted more!

Sanjay Sircar


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: banjoman
Date: 16 Jan 13 - 05:06 AM

Good morning Sgt Major god bless your heart & soul
I tried to fXXX your daughter but I couldn't find her hole
At last I found her hole it was undertheath her frock
but god bless me sgt major I couldnt find me cock
At last I found me cock it was limpa and awful thin
but god bless me sgt major I couldn't get it in
At last I got it in and wiggled it about
but god bless me sgt major I couldn't get it out
When I finally got it out
it was awful red and sore
but bless me sgt major your daughter wanted more

Is that the one?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: Snuffy
Date: 16 Jan 13 - 08:02 AM

More versions of that one on this thread:

Lyr Add: Mrs Murphy. I learned it in the schoolyard aged 7 or 8.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: Sanjay Sircar
Date: 16 Jan 13 - 06:27 PM

@banjoma & Snuffy: Thank you very much indeed. For any passing folklorist: this travelled to India, and was current in one of the most prestigious Anglican schools (to which I did not go): St Paul's, Darjeeling, 1970s. Who brought it and how it got there is a matter for conjecture. One of the curious cultural byproducts of history.

Sanjay Sircar


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: pavane
Date: 18 Jan 13 - 04:16 AM

I don't know if Llewtrah's site is still online, but Sara had a huge collection of bawdy songs.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: pavane
Date: 18 Jan 13 - 04:19 AM

Bawdy song site

http://www.armadillo.net/llewtrah/songbook.html


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: The Walrus
Date: 18 Jan 13 - 05:10 AM

Mention has been made of "The Foreskin Fusiliers".
The version I know ran along the lines:

"Eyes Right, Foreskins tight, ballocks to the front
"We're the boys who make the noise and we're always after c--t,
"We're the terrors of the night
"And we'd rather f--k than fight
"We're the heroes of The Foreskin Fusiliers"

Presumably any unit name which scanned could be substituted

W


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: pavane
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 10:57 AM

By the way, that picture of Llewtrah dressed only in cling film has been on her site for many years!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 02:06 PM

You will find a small treasure of smut in the "monkey boy rugby song thread".

http://mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=4377

Bawdy Rugby Songs


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST,proud son of a Marine Corp Colonel
Date: 31 Mar 18 - 11:36 AM

brilliant stuff my mother used to recite many of this in front of the OLD Breed of World War Two and Korea.
when I was young a had the pleasure to be briefly introduced to Chesty Puller and Commandant David Monroe Shoup the hero of Betio November 20th 1943 or Tarawa. I tried to be a dot.org in 2010 but I was denied or targeted by the IRS. in my work for our Veterans. www.warisanuglything.com.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Cockney & Army Bawdy/Rude Songs & Lyrics
From: GUEST,Tim
Date: 18 Sep 18 - 10:31 AM

Tiddlywinks old man

Put your bollocks in a can

If you can't find a woman – get a clean young man!

Do you get a funny feeling

When you bang it on the ceiling?

Have you ever cut your fingers on a corned beef can?


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