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Patronising jokes about Americans

Melbert 19 Oct 99 - 02:42 PM
Bert 19 Oct 99 - 03:13 PM
Penny S. 19 Oct 99 - 04:06 PM
Penny S. 19 Oct 99 - 04:09 PM
Blackcat 19 Oct 99 - 04:14 PM
Penny S. 19 Oct 99 - 04:51 PM
Penny S. 19 Oct 99 - 05:00 PM
Melodeon 19 Oct 99 - 05:32 PM
Lonesome EJ 19 Oct 99 - 07:26 PM
Melbert 19 Oct 99 - 07:32 PM
kendall 19 Oct 99 - 07:54 PM
harpgirl 19 Oct 99 - 10:54 PM
katlaughing 20 Oct 99 - 12:56 AM
Big Mick 20 Oct 99 - 01:34 AM
Penny S. 20 Oct 99 - 02:38 AM
Roger the skiffler 20 Oct 99 - 04:16 AM
Melbert 20 Oct 99 - 04:55 AM
Blackcat 20 Oct 99 - 09:44 AM
catspaw49 20 Oct 99 - 10:53 AM
Bert 20 Oct 99 - 11:07 AM
Melbert 20 Oct 99 - 11:28 AM
fox4zero 20 Oct 99 - 01:10 PM
kendall 20 Oct 99 - 01:17 PM
Davey 20 Oct 99 - 02:24 PM
Melbert 20 Oct 99 - 02:36 PM
Fortunato 20 Oct 99 - 03:03 PM
Lonesome EJ 20 Oct 99 - 04:20 PM
kendall 20 Oct 99 - 04:38 PM
Gint 20 Oct 99 - 04:46 PM
sophocleese 20 Oct 99 - 05:25 PM
lamarca 20 Oct 99 - 05:27 PM
sophocleese 20 Oct 99 - 05:44 PM
Lonesome EJ 20 Oct 99 - 05:45 PM
Melbert 21 Oct 99 - 04:43 AM
Big Mick 21 Oct 99 - 08:29 AM
kendall 21 Oct 99 - 08:36 AM
Alice 21 Oct 99 - 11:03 AM
Ewan McVicar 21 Oct 99 - 11:25 AM
Alice 21 Oct 99 - 11:26 AM
Fortunato 21 Oct 99 - 11:28 AM
Bert 21 Oct 99 - 11:30 AM
Alice 21 Oct 99 - 11:36 AM
Melbert 21 Oct 99 - 12:26 PM
steve in ottawa 21 Oct 99 - 12:41 PM
catspaw49 21 Oct 99 - 01:17 PM
Gint 21 Oct 99 - 01:21 PM
Clifton53 21 Oct 99 - 02:09 PM
Blackcat 21 Oct 99 - 03:08 PM
Ferret 21 Oct 99 - 03:23 PM
catspaw49 21 Oct 99 - 03:25 PM
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Melbert
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 02:42 PM

There was the story about the French guy who visited New York. he went up to a cop and said "come quick - there's a couple making love in the park". So the cop follows the guy and eventually, behind a whole lot of bushes and stuff they find a young couple making love.

So the cop draws the fremch guy back and says "Well sir, they're very well hidden - I mean they're not exactly flaunting it are they? And you sound foreign - French? Well I'm surprised sir, I thought you french were supposed to be romantic!"

The french guy exclaims "But you don't understand officer, the woman is dead!!"

So the cop takes another look and then says "No sir, she's not dead, she's American!"


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Bert
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 03:13 PM

Re: friendly fire, unfortunately Americans are world famous for the policy of 'shoot first ask questions after'. I worked with a guy (a Limey) who fought in Italy during WWII. He said that no one took much notice if the Jerry planes came over, but everyone took cover if it was the Yanks.

Ferret, I don't think Britain would have survived the Battle of Britain if it wasn't for supplies from the US. I agree with you though when you say 'it took all the allies'.

Bert. (ex Limey)


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Penny S.
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 04:06 PM

Friends, we are shortly going to enter a new millenium. It would be pleasant if we could leave behind such clutter as who needed who to come in and sort out European squabbles, and who always comes late and then claims all the kudos. I wasn't around at the time, but was close enough to know that


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Penny S.
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 04:09 PM

there was a strong feeling of gratitude for the help which came. It goes a bit sour when the isolationist arguments come up again.

Penny (with a sort of flu, all cack-handed on the keyboard)


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Blackcat
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 04:14 PM

Ya know, it's ironic that U.S.ers are labeled anti-American Indian when it's the Europeans that spend all the time fighting over who was first to visit the Western Hemisphere, knowing full well it wasn't ANY of them!

By the way, our bomb targeting programs come with LABELED world maps. :-)

PAX, Blackcat


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Penny S.
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 04:51 PM

My sister once lived in Milton Keynes. The folks there becamea concerned that SAC bombers overflew the city. When approached, the USAF spokesman from the relevant airfield claimed that their maps did not show a city there. Apparently. Hey, I want to drop this.

Penny


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Penny S.
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 05:00 PM

BTW, saw a documentary on some S. American archaeologists who had found evidence that peoples related to Australian aborigines got there before the Indians, couldn't stand up to them when they arrived, and ended up as the Fuegians.

Just stirring

Penny


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Melodeon
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 05:32 PM

There is a television chatshow programme on in England at the moment which shows a map of North and South America with the USA painted blue and labelled " The South Canada Sea ". A certain sympathy with Canada here!

Meloden


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 07:26 PM

Ferret... The US supplied the lifeblood of supplies that kept England alive througout World War 2. And after leaving our dead all over the Pacific, we did indeed arrive late to Europe, though just in time to leave more young men dead on the beaches of Sicily, Italy, and Normandy. The country that did most to stop Hitler was the Soviet Union, but they could also have never done it alone.

Also, when the US arrived in WW1, the situation was very much a stalemate, and the US presence was a critical factor in forcing the Axis Powers to the peace table.

I apologize for the serious response. We Americans are quite open to funny remarks, but I guess I didn't see the humor in Ferret's statements.


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Melbert
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 07:32 PM

I just got back from a music session at our local pub. Old Fred was there. He has some real interesting memories from his service in WW2. Only trouble is, his reminisces last longer than the war did!


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: kendall
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 07:54 PM

I grew up in a very large poor family, (in fact, I never slept alone 'til I was married) and we fought all the time among ourselves. But woe to the outsider who tried tokick one of our asses.. thats how I feel about GB, so, take that ferret.!! Actually, as an historian, I might enjoy a little exchange as long as it doesn't get sticky.


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: harpgirl
Date: 19 Oct 99 - 10:54 PM

..what I'd like to know is if the Japanese are so technologically advanced, why do they still eat with sticks?


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 12:56 AM

Harpy, I am sure they consider it much more efficient and wonder at our need to use three utensils to their two.:-)

Mick, when we lived in CT, I went to a program put on by the Hibernian Society, in Groton. They showed a film of Brendan's Voyage a few yrs before it hit PBS and the like. Really was very fascinating. Also, there is a place in Groton, on the Thames River (USA, that is) called the Gungywamp. I have hiked in and toured it, privately with one of the Society members. There is much evidence there of Irish and other *pre-Columbian* visitors and settlers among the Native Americans.

Also back there, I remember watching a documentary on other sites along the eastern seaboard which had extensive evidence of much earlier explorers. It is so interesting how this country clings to the traditional myth of Columbus being the first etc.

kat


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Big Mick
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 01:34 AM

I don't mind the friendly jousting, but the changing of the facts simply is not friendly jousting. You do not have to like Yankee attitudes, but the facts are that in both World Wars the U.S. involvement is what made the difference. But in all fairness, it was the difference to success, not the reason. As was mentioned above, the Russians played a huge role in this effort. The Battle of Britain was legendary. And we could go on about the Aussies in the S.Pacific, the brave Filipino guerrilla's and the legendary Free French forces. Most of these depended on an American supply line. You may not like a Yankee attitude, but we are giving people. Look in every major natural disaster, every event that requires money to resolve. You will find the evidence of our generosity.


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Penny S.
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 02:38 AM

Big Mick, you are right. But we do see lots of evidence that some over there forget what went on over here and present the facts differently, too. There is currently a film in production about a crucial incident in WWII where the key to the Enigma code was captured. This was by a British naval vessel. The film has a US vessel. Representations to the film makers have met the same sort of lack of understanding as met the complaints of the family and town of Murdoch of the Titanic about the way he was shown in the recent film. There used to be jokes about Errol Flynn or John Wayne winning the war single handed in theatres where Americans were thin on the ground. Coupled with the sort of remarks which are still made (as you referred to above), the continuing rewriting of history in favour of one of the Allies does get the dander up.

Penny


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Roger the skiffler
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 04:16 AM

...The way I heard it was that the Welsh were the first to discover America but had the sense to keep quiet about it!
Although some Americans abroad seem to want to reinforce the worst stereotypes ( and, lets face it, all Brits wouldn't want to be judged by our football fans or Club 18-30 people) the individuals one meets of any country (and especially those on the Mudcat) restore one's faith in human nature.
Every nation seems to have jokes about somewhere else (Brits have everyone else, Germans have Poles, Greeks have Bulgarians and Turks, Aussies have New Zealanders,Americans have Canadians, Canadians have...-who do you have, Rick?).
As long as we don't confuse the national "joke" stereotype with the individuals. RtS (justifiably the butt of many jokes, but then I'm from Birmingham!)


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Melbert
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 04:55 AM

This is for Big Mick

I fully accept that the "Americans" are a giving people, but why, oh why, did you have to give us the Jerry Springer Show?


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Blackcat
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 09:44 AM

Clearly, the Jerry Springer Show being broadcast in the US and around the world is AMPLE evidence that U.S.ers are relatively immune to patronizing! On another note: One thing that seems to get some U.S.ers is the attitude towards our language and/or dialect(s). Yall got a problem with that? Dude?


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 10:53 AM

Well now nun uv us got no axcent so we kinda git ta wundrin whut it iz makes yall tock so damn funny. I know sum ol boyz roun here doan holt with furrnerz nohow, but me un Paw un Buford ar allus lookin ta git mor edjukated like, un weed be right happy ta know yall even if yuh tock kinda kwaire.

CLETUS


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Bert
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 11:07 AM

Cletus, the way you talk reminds me of a pretty young girl in Texas who said to me "Yew shaw dooo haaave a puuurrrty aaaaksent"


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Melbert
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 11:28 AM

CLETUS - you see, there ya go agin.

A REAL brit wud'a sed "so bluddy funny" not "so damn funny".


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: fox4zero
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 01:10 PM

I don't think anyone will survive to reach this message!

Re: COYBOYS. In Fenimore Cooper's novel THE SPY, the tory guerrillas north of New York City were called cowboys. Since this was occurring before the revolution, it is obvious that the term had negative connotation which had nothing to do with the American West, since it had not yet been invented. (Larry) Parish


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: kendall
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 01:17 PM

hey Mel.. we also gave you the TORREY CANYON, remember? As I recall, that was a swap for your "Twiggy"


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Davey
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 02:24 PM

Roger the Skiffler, we make jokes about Americans and we make jokes about ourselves.. For example, why did the Canadian cross the road? Because everyone else was doing it..

And for what it's worth..

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse....your call.

Davey .... :>)


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Melbert
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 02:36 PM

Davey - Like it!ROFL


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Fortunato
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 03:03 PM

To all you 'cats outside the US and around the world, don't judge Americans by the 'culture' that gets marketed or televised out there. Judge us by our music, our poetry, our literature and our art.

Or better yet stop by the pub and let me buy you a pint of Guiness or your pleasure and we'll sing a song or two, and then make up your mind about us.


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 04:20 PM

Excuse me,Fortunato. If you will come to the pub, I have a very rare cask of Amontillado upon which I would like to have your most esteemed opinion.

:} LEJ


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: kendall
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 04:38 PM

I hate to bust your bubble Mel, but that joke is much older. Still very funny though


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Gint
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 04:46 PM

some years ago in the historical village of Tintel legendary birthplace of King Arthur a medival re-enactment was taking place. An American asked one of the re-enacters, what exactly was a Cornish pastie?

The viking look alike went on to explain that the pasties nested in King Arthurs castle at night. Nothing was said until the next day, when a member of English Heritage came to the camp to complain about winding up (Making fun of ) tourists.

It was pointed out that Heritage had charged the Americans silly amounts of money so that they could spend the night in hopes of seeing the nesting pasties and they could say nothing.

The culprit was Ferret


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: sophocleese
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 05:25 PM

A Professor from England comes over to lecture in American and Canadian Universities. In an English university he enters the class and says "Good morning class." Everyone replies "Good morning sir." In an American university one student looks up and says "Hi there, Teach.". In the Canadian class he is greeted with absolute silence but when he looks around everybody is carefully writing "Good morning class" in their notes.


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: lamarca
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 05:27 PM

Lej - For the love of God, Montressor!...

It's really hard to sort out feelings about American foreign policy, when there are so many different "Official" foreign policies at any given time, depending on whether you're listening to Madeleine Albright, our "Official" Secretary of State, Bill Clinton, our "Official" Chief Executive, Senator Jesse Helms, our "Official" head of the Senate Foreign Affairs committee, etc. And "The American People" is really a non-existant entity - the views range from the paranoid xenophobic fantasies of folks who believe that the UN runs a secret fleet of "black helicopters" bent on the subversion and conquest of the USA to far-left fanatics who say anything we as a nation do is imperialistic and immoral.

Our country is huge and full of so many people with so many different cultural and ethnic backgrounds, that any comment that generalizes about "Americans" is bound to be off-target for 80-90% of the people who live here. I guess I agree with whoever said above that I would rather be judged as an individual, not on the behavior (or misbehavior) of our elected officials and their so-called "official" views and policies. I as an individual have absolutely no control over Jesse Helms; I cannot vote for or against him (I don't live in N. Carolina), I have no say about the powerful position he's in, and find him an embarassment. A lot of people in this country probably feel the same about Bill Clinton.

So, to our fellow 'Catters not from the USA, don't tar us all with the same brush when you're pissed off by policies our government makes - we as "little folks" have about as much say in our government's antics as you do in yours...All we can do is try to vote for people that we agree with (if we can find them) and try to make our voices heard that way. There are bigots and xenophobes everywhere, not just here, and it should be the goal of any reasonable individual to try to make sure his or her country is one they can be proud of without needing to dominate or put down other nations in order to do so.

That being said, did you hear about the Canadian who moved across the river to Detroit to get away from the horrid Ontario winters?


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: sophocleese
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 05:44 PM

Well actually as a Canadian I do make jokes about American Beer, what else can you do with it?

Why is making love in a canoe like drinking American beer?

Too close to water.

Then again I also voted once for the Rhinoceros Party, I liked their idea of evening out the country by using the Rockies to fill in the Great Lakes.


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Oct 99 - 05:45 PM

"You are of The Brotherhood of Masons?"exclaimed Fortunato."Indeed," said I, producing from the pocket of my robe a trowel.

Uhhh..Gint..isn't Arthur's legendary home Tintagel, not Tintel?


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Melbert
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 04:43 AM

Het Kendall,

We only sent you Twiggy so you could keep abreast of events!


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Big Mick
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 08:29 AM

Geez, you are right about Jerry Springer................I wonder how they even sell such crap to such a sophisticated bunch?..........certainly isn't the content, because I am certain that there is no one among such a cultured group that would watch this dreck............................


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: kendall
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 08:36 AM

Twiggy was a good "model" of what a woman should NOT look like. By the way Mel, I love puns..


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Alice
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 11:03 AM

Author Unknown...

HERE IS A LIST OF NEW STATE MOTTOS...

Alabama:
At Least We're not Mississippi

Alaska:
11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!

Arizona:
But It's a Dry Heat

Arkansas:
Litterasy Ain't Everthin'

California:
As Seen on TV

Colorado:
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut:
Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character

Delaware:
We Really Do Like the Chemicals in our Water

Florida:
Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia:
We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii:
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho:
Just like Utah, but with more potatoes.

Illinois:
Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana:
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa:
We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas:
First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky:
Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana:
We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our
Tourism Campaign

Maine:
We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland:
A Thinking Man's Delaware

Massachusetts:
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan:
First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota:
"10,000 Lakes and 10,000,000 Mosquitoes"

Mississippi:
Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri:
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Montana:
Land of the Big Sky, Refuge of the Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, and Californians

Nebraska:
Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada:
Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire:
Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey:
You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico:
We are not a whole other country.

New York:
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney...

North Carolina:
Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota:
We Really are One of the 50 States!

Ohio:
We Wish We Were In Michigan

Oklahoma:
Like the Musical, only No Singing

Oregon:
Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania:
Cook With Coal

Rhode Island:
We're not REALLY an island.

South Carolina:
Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota:
Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee:
The Educashun State

Texas:
Si. Hablo Ingles. (Yes, I speak English)

Utah:
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont:
Yep

Virginia:
Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington:
Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, D.C.:
Wanna Be Mayor?


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Ewan McVicar
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 11:25 AM

Perhaps the true but sour joke here is that so many serious and on occasions rather hurt or hurting ideas and words have been added to this thread. What does that say about senses of humour?


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Alice
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 11:26 AM

I just noticed the unknown author forgot Wyoming:

Wyoming
Forgettable


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Fortunato
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 11:28 AM

Lonesome EJ

I'll stick to Guiness; Amontillado can be hazardous to your health.


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Bert
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 11:30 AM

You're right Ewan McV.

We're sorry, we won't do it any more.


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Alice
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 11:36 AM

I noticed that the two threads that quickly built up many responses simultaneously are the one where we want to help the Mudcat in trouble, and this one, which triggers responses. Both touch our emotions. Sometimes its good to be able to laugh at our weaknesses, quirks, and idiosyncracies. Insults to be cruel, however, have never been humorous to me. Sarcasm has a root meaning, after all, of 'tearing the flesh'.


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Melbert
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 12:26 PM

I like puns too! Especially the ones with cream in the middle.

Damn this duslexia!

Did you hear about the insomniac, agnostic dyslexic who stayed awake all night wodering if there really was a dog?


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: steve in ottawa
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 12:41 PM

Hmmm.

I'm quite surprised to hear all the defensive tones. I expected jokes like Alice's list and Cara's explanation of Canada.

What's it like being next to America? Well, believe it or not, most Canadians I know would find the following very funny:

Until a few years ago, the UN rated Japan as the best country to live in, ranking Canada second. Recently the positions reversed. A Canadian was heard to utter: Damn, those Japanese, they've stolen our second place!

Being, perhaps better educated in 1783?, the framers of the US constitution knew Canada existed. They cursed us by saying we could join the US any time we wanted to. That does strange things to a country.

Steve


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 01:17 PM

Ya reckon sumbuddy kin sen me sum longhandle droors...Catspaw keeps askin an he sez yall are right willin to hep but I still got theez popped buttons an all.........

CLETUS


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Gint
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 01:21 PM

Lonesome EJ

yes, typing too fast for my brain, due to a lack of booze


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Clifton53
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 02:09 PM

Beans on toast??? Blimey!!! Beans goes with hot dogs!!


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Blackcat
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 03:08 PM

Sorry there Clifton, beans go in chili!


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Ferret
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 03:23 PM

Now who said that Americans were thick skinned and could not be easily wound up? Wrong. Got you!

Lamarca. Here, here.

As for Jerry springer, in an interview I herd with him he said that the saddest thing about his program was the people that watch it. As for US aid to the UK we were still paying the bill for it years later.[It was not Free help] And we left our dead in Burma and the rest of the Pacific as well.

Gint As I am the one out of us that is dyslexic you ought to no better than to get Tintagel wrong.

And the fall story of the Cornish pastes was.

A friend of mine, Dave xxxxx [to protect the guilty] was asked what all the holes in the walls of Tintagel castle were. [Where the scaffolding went] So Dave never missing an opportunity to wined some one up said.

D] Have you not heard of the famous Cornish pastes.

A] Yes said the American.

D] Well that is where they nest at night.

A] Where can I see them.

D] In the daytime they are at sea but wen they cum back to there nest's at dusk you get a hell of a fight with the sea gulls.

A] Can I get in to the castle to take some pix of this.

D] Well you will have to go to the English heritage warden of the castle and arks.

Well off he went, the next day the warden came up to Dave and said why did you send that American to me with that story of the pasty's

It seemed like it would be good for a lark, did you tell him.

No said the warden, I sold him a ticket for £25.00 to sit in the castle all night.

D] Well don't tell me off then for winding him up.

Now I don't want to sagest that all Americans are gullible, but some American are. And I do not think it was right to take the man's money no mater how gullible.

But that is the whole story.

I was on the cliffs at Dover [the white cliffs] working all one summer [so not for long. It was an English summer] and I had an American asked if I would tell him where he could see the blue birds and it was difficult to get him to understand that the nearest blue birds were 3000/5000 miles west of here.

I had a German ask why all of the gunimplements were there on the cliffs pointing out to sea. Well what can you say to that? They were to blow the s**t out of your county men, no I think not. So I gust said I don't know.

No Americans are easy to wind up but the Irish are the easiest but that hurt's.

The chat show with the US as a lake is the Jeramy Clarkson show it is good, and he has a go at every body. And if it were not for you Americans we would have had a lot less dead in the gulf. Not so much the man on the ground, but the 'blind' trust in Hi Tec.

All the best ferret


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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Oct 99 - 03:25 PM

Well personally, I always have gas with beans. 'Course that's just me, if you can blow out a slice of toast, more power to you.

Spaw


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Mudcat time: 28 October 4:37 AM EDT

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