Patronising jokes about Americans

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Big Mick
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 09:55 PM

hahahahaha.........loved that one, Gint. And I hate to tell the Viking fella, but they have found the ruins of structures built by Irish Monks on the Eastern coast of Canada that predate Eric the Red, Leif and all the rest.......these poor fella's got whipped by Boru at Clontarf and have been trying to figure out something that they can be proud of since.

Mick

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: kendall
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 08:22 PM

subtle Gint, real subtle

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Gint
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 05:56 PM

Big Mick

how do you spell lend lease

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: kendall
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 03:10 PM

Sure Barbara, but, we were talking about REAL speed measurement, not kilomteres (tongue firmly in cheek) of which we Yanks have plenty!!!

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Barbara
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 01:41 PM

Uhm, kendall, is it your blood alcohol that changes at 2 a.m.? The road signs I've seen in Canada say 100 (kmh).

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: kendall
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 11:42 AM

This is great, I've been looking for this sort of thing. Hey Rick, not all Americans are ignorant about Canada, and, your Mounties would pinch their own Grandma. Also, I've never seen a speed limit sign that said 65 (except at 2 am)

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: sophocleese
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 10:45 AM

Barbara I like it. I'm trying to remember all the anti-american jokes I grew up with but they seem to have disappeared. Ah well. I'll have to ask my brothers. I'm enjoying this thread even though I haven't said much in it. I don't need to, Americans will always talk about themselves without worrying about what others say or think.

Sophocleese

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 10:01 AM

When McCarthy died and went to heaven St peter was stood by the golden gates. "Ah Senator" he said. "You have lived a good and fulfilled life you have tried your hardest for your country". Does that mean "I'm in"? asks McCarthy. "Oh no" says St Pete, "You are for down there!" "Why?" asks the man. "Well it's like this" says Pete. "Them commies were right!!" PLEASE don't hate me- I've got American relatives somewhere, but I was told this years ago. Eric decendant of those who found America after the native American peoples.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Barbara
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 09:50 AM

God is showing the Archangel Michael his latest bit of creation -- Canada.
After the tour is over, Michael says to God," Don't you think you're given them an unfair advantage? You've created a beautiful country, wonderful landscape, tons of natural resources, nice mountains, lots of water, plenty of room and a friendly populace with a nice low key way of living. You're going to make all the others jealous."
God snickers. "Wait till you see who I've given them for neighbors," he replies.

Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Bugsy
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 05:08 AM

As an ex-pat Pom now Aussie living in Australia for 28 years, I rather like Americans - Couldn't eat a whole one though.

Cheers

Bugsy.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Auxiris
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 04:46 AM

. . . and the Bretons make jokes about the Normans. I guess we're all the butt of someone else's jokes, after all Hello, Jo; I'm living in Lorraine just 20 minutes south of Nancy these days, though I lived in the Parisian region for the better part of nine years. It was also during that time that I suffered most of the patonising jokes about Americans! If I want a good dose of this sort of thing now I have only to listen to Jean-Pierre Coffe on the radio. So, the "Jan Kees" story has some truth (?) to it after all, eh? I guess I can go on denying that I'm a "Yank" then, having no known Dutch ancestors. If you'd like to give me a shout now and then, the e-mail is [e-mail]

Best,

Auxiris

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: wildlone
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 04:41 AM

You mean to say that
Everyone in Callifornia is not gay.
New York police are not all Irish
Texans don't shoot strangers
This thread has completly spoiled my idea of America and the American people.
Years ago when I lived in Reading Berks there was a place selling REAL American burgers,half pounders cooked as you wanted them with all the trimmings they were fantastic.
I am tall, thin, long arms the only clothes that fit comfortably are made for the US market.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Sourdough
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 01:57 AM

When I was living in Bougival near Paris, I heard a joke about Amercans that my German born wife always has liked:

A policeman on patrol is walking through the park when he sees a man making passionate love on the grass to a woman who is suspiciously inert. He investigates and discovers that the woman is dead. He demands from the man an explanation of why he would do something so disgusting as to make love to a dead woman.

The abashed Frenchman apologizses profusely and offers the explanation, "I thought she was American."

Now THAT is patronizing American humor.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From:
Date: 17 Oct 99 - 12:50 AM

Shop shop shop shop till you drop drop drop drop shop drop drop shop shop till drop shop till shop drop shop till you you drop shop shop you drop you drop drop you you drop drop drop

Is that a unifying neo-supra-super ethnic theme ? Nonameformyownsafety

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From:
Date: 16 Oct 99 - 08:57 PM

A few years ago we were at a folk club in England listening to a guest singer perform. When he found out we were Americans, he did a song which said, "Why do they call it football if they never touch the ball with their foot?" or words to that effect. Anyone know that song?

Bev and Jerry

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: T in Oklahoma (Okiemockbird)
Date: 16 Oct 99 - 08:28 PM

Hutzul, I've heard from a Chicagoan that they have a saying there, "Vote early and often!"

Here is a piece by a Canadian who has witty things to say about the Disney company and the U.S. Constitution's "checks and balances."

T.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Jo Taylor
Date: 16 Oct 99 - 07:16 PM

Auxiris, I heard the 'Jan Kees' story this summer - from a Dutch man called Jan Kees (pronounced Yaan-Case near enough). More to the point, you're in France? Where? Think you're the only other Mudcatter here - I'm in Normandy, near Bayeux. The Normans make jokes about the Bretons...
Jo Taylor

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Rusika
Date: 16 Oct 99 - 04:25 PM

My father-in-law, a career US Navy man, went into a pub in Australia shortly after the end of WW II. He saw that they had mince pie on the menu and ordered a large serving with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. The man behind the counter of course argued with him, but to no avail. (GR was nothing if not stubborn). Placing the order before him, the pub owner was heard to mutter "damned yanks will eat anything". My father-in-law was forced by his own pride to eat a large serving of chopped beef pie with ice cream topping.

By the way, I believe cowboy is also used to describe someone who is reckless and unwilling to follow the rules.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Hutzul
Date: 16 Oct 99 - 01:51 AM

This one is rather geographically specific, but if you really want to irritate a Chicagoan, pantomime a machine gun and ask if he knows any mobsters.

Of course, if he is a TRUE Chicagoan, he WILL know some.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Lyle
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 10:43 PM

Guess I might as well get in my $0.02 worth! I've traveled over a major part of the world (except the one place I've wanted to go since I was about 5 years old, and that's Australia). It's my opinion that the same thing gets most people ticked off the world over - that somehow our country of origin defines us as individuals. That is to say that people outside France think all Frenchpersons are alike, people outside (insert country XX here) think all (XX'ers) are alike. Please get to know me, then decide if I'm a neat sort or an a**hole.

Lyle

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: annamill
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 10:07 PM

johntm, also Boston Red Sox!! Now here we could make jokes, patronizing or not, but being the caring wonderful people we are here at Mudcat, we won't will we!! Just keep watching. I've been watching since 1974...I'm still here for them and this just may be the year I'm justified.

;-) **BG**

Love, annap (go Boston) Clemens at Fenway..whoooo.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 06:55 PM

My spiritual and comedic hero, guru and philosophical mentor Quentin Crisp (who calls himself "the last of England's stately Homos"), has a wonderful line about America. "Any American who doesn't want to murder you, will be your friend for life".

If it's any value from someone who has done a fair amount of international travelling over the years, Americans are the most helpful in every way. There may be a lot of agressive Yankee nutbars seemingly on permanent vacations around the world, but when you're feeling lonely and lost somewhere...gimme a Yank anytime.

Canadians and Brits are of course politer, but ask them for directions to anything but the immediate ground they're standing on and you're outta luck.

Oh, and another thing: Americans tend to have opinions on everything...and I LOVE that! The only real problem I've ever had in the States (other than nobody knowing a thing about Canada....but most Canadians don't either) is the hiway cops. Hate the uniforms, hate the attitude...hate those damn speeding tickets ya can get in Copake NY. at 2 am.

Rick

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Ewan McVicar
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 06:40 PM

Bert,
I take your point about the worldwide mutual contempt between town and country. I remember that in Aden, now in South Yemen, Budoui (Bedouin) was an insult and a popular song was "Denish keshiya" (I am not a farmer). But the word cowboy as a term of criticism has I think much more specific usage. It used I think to refer to the building trade but now has wider currency.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Bert
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 03:01 PM

That reminds me Alice, 'sheepshagger' is another such term.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Alice
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 02:52 PM

hmmm.... if cowboys really did a 'shoddy job of poor workmanship' there would be no American beef to fill those McDonald's burger buns, no steaks, no tacos, no.... well, you get the picture. Now, if you want to start the jokes about sheepherders.........

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Bert
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 01:40 PM

Ewan, The term 'Cowboy' used derogatively is derived from the ongoing badinage between town and country folk. There are many songs on the subject, 'Hayseed', 'Zebra Dun' and 'Arkansas Traveller' to name a few.

Many other expressions have been used by folk to describe people who find themselves out of their element. Such as greenhorn, tenderfoot, Swede gnawer, carrot cruncher and so on.

I don't think it's specifically American, I've heard similar sayings in the Middle East such as 'only people is the villages say that' or 'Only the old men say that'

Bert.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 12:56 PM

I was staying at a youth hostel in Switzerland many years ago, having lunch two tables away from a group of Japanese people about my age (22 at the time). They were having a lively conversation in Japanese. One of the group suddenly stood up and walked over to me. " Are you American?" He asked. When I answered yes, he asked " and is there prejudice against Japanese in America?" I answered "yes" again, and he turned to his friends with a big smile, because I had apparently settled an argument in his favor. I did not think to ask if there was prejudice against Americans in Japan, but I wonder if his answer would have been as honest as mine.

I think the essence of the American nature is directness. We want to get to the point, stop messing around, don't waste time,solve that problem. It is our strength and our weakness. We tend to barge ahead full speed, and often we do so without having all the facts at hand. We are often naive and clumsy in our actions as a nation, sometimes achieving negative results with the best of intentions. We are in a hurry, so don't bother us with the petty details.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 12:51 PM

Hmmm...Ewan, you make me think here..........ya' know maybe we ought to go with "USISH"....I think Peter T. would find that a fair assessment of us!**GBFG**

Spaw

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Big Mick
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 12:40 PM

Well done, Ewan. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......it is why you are one of the great posters........hahahahahahahahahaha

Mick

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Ewan McVicar
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 12:36 PM

Lots of interesting points. I see some people prefer the ancient humour form of name-calling to that of the patronising joke. The patronising joke requires I think a mixture of liking and a sense of superiority, rather like patting an older person on the head in a friendly manner.
I do of course know there are many people of Scots extraction in the USA, and that they have to keep calling themselves Scottish because there is no other country name available to them. Every other American country has a name, but the United States only possesses initials, and its citizens must call themselves by the name of the continent rather than Usans.
How sad. As if people in Scotland could only call themselves Europeans, because there was no name for where they lived.
And over here a cowboy is someone who does a shoddy job with poor workmanship. How that got derived from the honourable trade of cowpunching I do not know.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Big Mick
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 12:15 PM

I just thought it would be funny to see if I could get under the skin of a person who would start a thread about how to get under the skin of Americans....LOL......I didn't think it would work.......I think my old buddy 'Spaw is spot on in his comments. And although my comment was tongue in cheek based on an article I read in The Grand Rapids Press, whose editorial stance is somewhere to the right of Genghis Khan, there is an element of truth in it.

Mick

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Bert
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 12:07 PM

Don't forget that the rest of the world learns what America is like from watching TV.

I know that, in the Middle East, they learned to drive by watching Dukes of Hazzard.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Loretta Grace
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 11:43 AM

Have to put in my two cents :)

In Spain, I met this girl once who simply would not listen to me when I told her Americans do not eat hamburgers every night. "I know someone who went," she'd tell me. "Maybe YOU don't eat hamburgers every night, but everyone else in America does." It was surreal.

In Greece this summer, I used to pretend I was from Canada... There was all this graffitti all over Athens that said U-swatstika-A, which was kind of disturbing. Greece was really against our involvement in Kosovo, which I was too, so there -- but it was easier to get things for cheap when I said, Emay apo teen Canada :)

I guess so far as jokes go, nothing bothers me. But outright ignorance and hatred does.

Loretta

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 10:39 AM

LMAO...gawd I love it Alice!!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Auxiris
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 10:37 AM

Okay, I guess we understand one another a little bit better now, Mick. No hard feelings! Love the definition of yankee, kendall; had never heard it before. . .LOL! I had heard it said somewhere that "yankee" is a mispronunciation of Jan Kees, a sort of generic (?) name for Dutch people, but don't know if it's true. I was taught in school that America was the best country on earth, too, Spaw---but everybody's got a piece of the truth, hey?

Best to all,

Auxiris

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Alice
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 10:27 AM

My boss is Australian. He has lived in the US for quite awhile. Among his complaints about Americans... we have no sense of humor.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 09:51 AM

I used to travel abroad, quite a few as a matter of fact......then I got married. The travelling is much better now.

Ya know, I think the reason Americans may be sometimes thin skinned is that we think the rest of the world is tremendously inferior and incredible dumbasses. We were taught this in school. "America is the greatest country on earth." Well its a damn fine place with much to its credit and even more to aspire to, and I may love what it could be although disliking what we've become...but that's another topic. In this case, I'm simply saying we were given a superior feeling from the gitgo...starting with calling ourselves "Americans" as if no one else in North, Central, or South America could use the word. I get a real charge out of the debates over Euro, Afro, and World centered history. Even now, though we pay a little credit to others, we pretty much teach "American (US) Centered History." Hey, if we ain't a big part of it, or the root of it...screw it! How important can it be?

I know the term "Enlightened American" is perhaps oxymoronic, but most of us at the 'Cat are a lttle more enlightened than most, shall we say? The truth of what many believe is more like Paw, Cletus, and Buford. EVERYBODY ELSE has an accent; English folks are OK but they use a lot of funny words; first we kicked their ass and now we are bailing it out all the time; the French can't be trusted and besides, they don't shave and they piss in the streets; as Carlin says, if you're brown people, we are likely to bomb the shit out of you on general principles; Germans build great cars, but we can kick their asses anytime, already done it twice; Aussies are OK, I love that Crocodile Dundee guy, but they really didn't win the America's Cup..Dennis lost it-but he came back and just killed them later;........and a hundred more thoughts along the same lines. And its not so much of a bigoted feeling you get from them, just a tremendous sense of superiority. And think about it...its what we were taught.

The stuff cracks me up. But being stupid and thick skinned helps a lot.......I ain't the one that's messed up, I'm an American!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Bert
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 09:41 AM

Cara, Now don't you go maligning British food or I'll slap you with a kipper;-)

Bert.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: kendall
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 09:13 AM

definition of Yankee.. If you are in Europe, a yankee is someone who lives in the western hemisphere. In the west. hem. a yankee is someone who lives in North America, If you are in North America, a yankee is someone who lives in New England .If you are in New England, a yankee is someone who lives in Vermont. In Vermont a yankee is someone who eats pie for breakfast

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Big Mick
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 08:51 AM

Auxiris,

Gotcha................LOL.

All the best, really!!!! (chuckle)Mick

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Auxiris
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 04:10 AM

Mick. . . first off, I do not happen to be a European; I am an American national who has been living in France for nearly fourteen years and I am as thin-skinned as they come. I have this stupid tendency to tremble with rage every time I hear some pratt (same as "asshole", or do I have to specify?) laugh at my accent, call me a Yank, or worse, as I said earlier, colonial or talk about how Americans are nothing but overgrown children, etc., etc. I do not make the messes, as you say, over here in so-called "Europe" and can do little about them as I do not have the right to vote--having had sufficient sentimentality to cling to my American citizenship all these years. Just a few thoughts!

best, Auxiris

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Big Mick
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 03:25 AM

Auxirus & Sophocleese,

I am sure we are not very cultured, it is why we fight so often...........in every damn mess you folks in Europe make then ask us to clean up. And then turn to us for the funds to rebuild the country. We are a bit dense to do all that. And we are a bit slow, so we appreciate your talking slow everytime there is a natural disaster anywhere in the world and we run in with rescue teams and economic aid. And we really should have been cultured enough not to act like the Europeans did in Valderama as they verbally insulted our players, and held their little celebrations. Don't remember it, well they were very similar to the ones that Parnevick and Garcia held when they would chip one in a few weeks ago..............Now there I go again, being an uncultured Yank, thin skinned lot that we are for wondering why we keep doing these things. Just a couple of observations.

All the best,

Mick

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Gint
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 02:26 AM

As it is now 7:20am in th U.K. I have to collect Ferret and go to Tintagel in Cornwall (the other end of the country) to sort out a show (o.k. we stand in a field and say mmm beer tent there, music there fire there.

so I will be gone about 5 days (it's a big field)that means a lot of reading when I get back.

Q. How can you trust a man who spends millions to get the job as president, knowing that it only pays thousands.

Q How can you expect to me a major force in the world if you inflict things like Pee Wee Herman on us

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Gint
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 02:07 AM

In England there is a game which until 20yrs ago was only played by women, girls and children upto 12yrs old we call it rounders you call it baseball (our lot don't chew tobbaco & cus as much)

the only redeeming feature about your sports is you didn't invent cricket (increadaby boring game)

I actually admire America, you have some of the best polititions money can buy.

At least you have the freedom of information act, but hten again you proberably need it more than we do

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Barry Finn
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 01:07 AM

I know what a whore is but what's a football. Barry

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: johntm
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 12:07 AM

Make fun of baseball played by anybody but the New York Yankees.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Oct 99 - 11:05 PM

I dunno,,,out where we hold our festival,at a park, they called it a 'comfort station' till just recently

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: katlaughing
Date: 14 Oct 99 - 09:34 PM

LOL! Good one, Alice!

While we're talking about euphemisms, who in the world ever decided to call it the "water closet" and the "loo"?? Talk about calling a spade a spade!

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: Alice
Date: 14 Oct 99 - 09:09 PM

Gint, it depends on if you are referring to the "organic" culture or the "genetically engineered" culture. One comes from a compost pile, the other comes from a sterile environment.

Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans
From: ddw
Date: 14 Oct 99 - 07:30 PM

Ah, Seed....

You took my point exactly. Whores are much more likely to do something good for society than politicians are.

david