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Patronising jokes about Americans
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Gint Date: 14 Oct 99 - 07:24 PM I've only two question about American culture, 1. What size petri dish does it come in? 2. Is it safe to keeep in the refridgerator? |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: JedMarum Date: 14 Oct 99 - 07:09 PM Interesting thread! I must say the funniest, 'get your American anger up" stories' I ever heard was a true one, told to me by a Texas born freind whose Dad shipped over to the Eurpoean War (WWII) via England. He was absolutely incensed when he saw the "Welcome Yanks!" signs welcoming the US troops. He was reportedly ready to turn around and go home at the insult. He'd never been mistaken for a Yankee before! |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Lonesome EJ Date: 14 Oct 99 - 06:25 PM OK Marki, the back-bacon jokes are gonna come out any time now! |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Marki Date: 14 Oct 99 - 06:13 PM Actually I'm not terribly into sports. I watch CFL & NHL games and play football & ice hockey when I get the chance. As I didn't have any American jokes handy, I slammed one of their sacred institutions -- the NFL. That certainly got a reaction. Just what I'd hoped for. Wasn't that the whole point of this thread -- "hacking off Americans" (as per Ewans first message)? (And really, I do love the US, it's only the NFL I despise!) |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Cara Date: 14 Oct 99 - 05:47 PM The thing about Canada is, they could have had British culture, French food, and American technology, but instead they have British food, French technology, and American culture. It's a shame really.
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Peter T. Date: 14 Oct 99 - 05:44 PM Canadian Football is to American Football as slush is to sludge. I mean, really. yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Bert Date: 14 Oct 99 - 03:46 PM Those who criticize McDonalds had never been to a Wimpy Bar in England in the Seventies. The meat in their burgers was 2 inches diameter about 1/8th. of an inch thick and tasted like cardboard. And why worry about sports, Marki? Just play or watch (or not) whatever you like. I like to watch an occasional game of soccer on TV, gives me an excuse to relax for 90 minutes and drink a few beers. The ultimate spectator sport is Australian rules football but we don't see very much of it over here. And I do hear that some people watch golf on TV, Yikes!!! How thrilling! Let's get back to the jokes. 'Cleese! slow and simple indeed! I'll get you for that ;-) I did hear of this Texan who went to Ireland. He was watching Paddy harvest his spuds. He says "You call them potatoes! why in Texas we have potatoes three times that size. Paddy replies "To be sure, we all grow them to fit our mouths" I told that one once, to a Texan with an Irish background. Poor guy didn't know whether to laugh or be annoyed. Bert. |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Lonesome EJ Date: 14 Oct 99 - 03:05 PM OK, Marki, that did it! If you think Canadian Football has the NFL beat for talent, you probably also think the other three major sports are Arena Soccer, Roller Derby, and Professional Wrestling. And those who think McDonald's exemplifies the apex of American Culture are certainly overlooking some other major fast food chains who specialize in nourishing, delicious menu items served piping hot in less than 5 minutes. There is certainly nothing in France that is anything like the White Castle Hamburger. |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: kendall Date: 14 Oct 99 - 02:46 PM American football is a joke? As far as I'm concerned, ALL sporting events are a joke. I cant think of anything less relevent in my life than which bunch of glandular cases wins or loses some silly ass ball kicking/throwing/hitting thing.!!! Witness tyhose idiots who go berserk just because their team wins... or loses. If this doesn't drop a clod in the churn, I dont know what will!! |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: sophocleese Date: 14 Oct 99 - 02:22 PM Actually Ewan, although they like to say things such as "we are so diverse that there isn't anything you can joke about," the simple fact of the matter is that if you want make a patronizing joke about Americans you have to make it slow and simple, otherwise they don't understand it. |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Marki Date: 14 Oct 99 - 02:15 PM Well, I'm a wanna-be American (for reasons I won't go into here), but there is one thing I absolutely despise about the US. And it's something that really irks most Americans when you mention it. What is it? Well, what Americans call football, SUCKS! What is it with the NFL anyways? Overpaid, oversexed, overdrugged, 400 pounders who have less talent as a team than most Canadian Football League players have in their little fingers!!! God Bless American and all that, but their football stinks. Who couldn't score with four downs? And whats with the tiny little field? And the scores -- 14 to 7? Now that's something exciting to watch! So while insulting American Football isn't exactly a joke, (well their football is but that's beside the point), it sure gets their dander up! |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Steve Parkes Date: 14 Oct 99 - 12:05 PM Quite right, Auxiris. Why we have three drive-past McDonalds within a ten-mile radius at home. Steve |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Auxiris Date: 14 Oct 99 - 11:13 AM Thank you ever so much for mentioning that America does have a culture, Bert. I do have a difficult time convincing people here in "Europe" that there is indeed such a thing (they generally laugh) and trying to tell them that if they don't like "fast food, disco and the gospel according to Mickey Mouse", then they have only to choose amongst the many other marvellous things that America has to offer. . . A |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Bert Date: 14 Oct 99 - 10:22 AM Although often the subject of jokes, one of the reasons I came here was for the culture. Now before you all ROTFL, just rememeber that 'American Culture' is just one of the things that us Mudcat is all about. Bert. |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Peter T. Date: 14 Oct 99 - 09:38 AM As a Canadian student for a number of years in American schools, the only thing I ever discovered that really made Americans mad was to describe the anti-Catholic, intolerant, racist elements of the American Revolution and its immediate aftermath. When we had class presentations, I used to pick as my topic either the failed American attempts to persuade Quebec to join their Southern neighbours (treated as a hilarious marketing disaster) or the forced expulsion of the Loyalists, or the British freeing of black slaves who fought against the Americans and resettling them as free people in Nova Scotia and elsewhere. These never failed to get a rise out of everyone, and made me subject to any number of schoolyard fights. As far as I can tell, this still seems to be untouchable. But mostly things are much better: they seem to have absorbed the horrible treatment of the Cherokee, etc., and have almost begun to think about the long sad history in Latin America. The great thing about America is that it has thousands of American people inside willing to point all these things out and scream about them. It is big and yappy, which is great. My country has about 15 pointing out what goes on here, which is why they are so tired all the time. Everybody else is out shopping. yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Larry B. Date: 14 Oct 99 - 09:10 AM Let's see: we rebelled against the British government, then fought another war against them 30 years later; then we fought a war against ourselves, and two wars later we were on the same side. As 'Spaw noted, we are too diverse a group to have national characteristics to ridicule, and cracks about our political leaders don't work because we have already taken most of the good ones (jokes, that is). Whenever anyone does get in a good dig on us, most of us are laughing with them in a minute or two, and in a year or two we have changed to the point that the joke doesn't make sense. LB |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Auxiris Date: 14 Oct 99 - 09:03 AM Spaw, perhaps you've not a) traveled in Britain b) lived in a foreign country or c) you've a very thick hide. By the way, Ewan, I did forget to mention that "cowboy" is an honourable occupation, not a social condition. A |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: kendall Date: 14 Oct 99 - 09:00 AM I'll go along with the accent thing.. nothing pisses us Mainers off like Fred Gwynn in Pet Semetary, and Tom Bosley in Murder she wrote. Ther is also the fact that we dont get no respect.. that movie, Andre, the real Andre was a seal that lived in the waters of Maine. The movie critter was a California Sea Lion. |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: catspaw49 Date: 14 Oct 99 - 08:07 AM Sorry there Aux, but neither of those gets to me in the least. I honestly think that Seed must be angling for a discount. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Auxiris Date: 14 Oct 99 - 07:42 AM I believe that the most truly patronising and/or insulting thing to say about Americans or to include in jokes about Americans is to refer to them as "colonials"; that's a sure winner (but I don't recommend it). Another good way to get under an American's skin is to make fun of his/her accent. cheers, Auxiris |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Jeremiah McCaw Date: 14 Oct 99 - 03:48 AM I do somewhat enjoy, when visiting my friends in Texas, sneaking the phrase "damn Yankees" into a conversation. With a VERY visible smile on my face, I assure you ("Smile when you say that, partner"). |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Steve Parkes Date: 14 Oct 99 - 03:37 AM LEJ, I like the Lafayette one, but it might be a bit too pro-French for this side of the pond! Steve |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 14 Oct 99 - 02:23 AM ddw, I have nothing but respect and sympathy for honest sex workers--but try to find a politician with a heart of gold... --seed |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Lonesome EJ Date: 14 Oct 99 - 02:12 AM LOL... those are great Andres! |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Escamillo Date: 14 Oct 99 - 02:07 AM I can't contribute with North American humor, but here in the South, we suffer Spanish and French jokes about Argentinians, which describe very well some aspects of our idiosyncrasy, for example: - What is an Argentinian ? A man who, with one hand indicates the Universe to you, and with the other hand touches your wife's butt.
- What is an Argentinian doing alone at the top of the Eiffel Tower ? - He is looking how Paris looks like, without him.
- What do Argentinians descend from ? - They descend from planes, from ships, from trains, from .. uff
- Once in a police contest, there were the American Police, the British, and the Argentinians. A rabbit was freed, and after an hour the policemen should bring the rabbit. The Americans caught the rabbit in 5 minutes, as soon as the satellite detected it, and a fleet of helicopters did the job. Then came the British with the rabbit in 15 minutes, because they movilized a huge apparatus of higly trained forces who caught the rabbit while running. An hour passed, then two. After SIX hours the Argentinians came in, carrying a pig, injured, bleeding, and shouting "I AM A RABBIT !!! I AM A RABBIIIIITT!!!" Yours, Andrés Magré
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: katlaughing Date: 14 Oct 99 - 12:44 AM Bseed...if the American people would get off their arses and vote, then we might see some real change in politics. I am sure you are one of those who do, but to those who rant and rave, but do NOT vote, I say, shut up or put up! katwhoisstillnotashamedtosayshevotedforClintonwhoisnoworsethantherest,justdumbenoughtogetcaught! |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: ddw Date: 14 Oct 99 - 12:22 AM Hey Seed, Whatcha got against whores, maligning them like that? :-) david |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: catspaw49 Date: 14 Oct 99 - 12:00 AM Well, we're about to run El Swanno for governor of California and there's really nothing odd about that. So where do you expect to find a joke in this country? There's plenty of regional and ethnic humor, but "collectively" I don't think we give a turkey. Too big, too many, too much.
And then I'm reminded of the old Will Rogers line, Not much left to be said is there? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Les B Date: 13 Oct 99 - 11:11 PM One of the things that got under my skin until I got used to, when I lived overseas, was being referred to as a "Yank" . By the way do you know the definition of a Yankee ? - that's a Quickie with yourself. |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 13 Oct 99 - 10:51 PM Look to the politico/economic system which insures that only whores can be elected president or senator or governor or dog catcher... --seed |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: kendall Date: 13 Oct 99 - 10:42 PM No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. Maybe you Scots are picked on because you have such a distinctive culture. It's easy to focus on, wheras, America is populated with a mix of mongrels, which makes it harder to zero in on. (By the by Ewan, some of us over here are also Scottish) |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: _gargoyle Date: 13 Oct 99 - 08:17 PM Look to the current USA president.....but then again, it might have been his Fullbright experiences as a "scholar," in the decadence of GB, that led him down the debacherous path he has followed...... |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Bedlam Date: 13 Oct 99 - 08:15 PM I know a lovely tune about Ted Kennedy, appropriately titled "The Ode to Ted Kennedy". (sung to the tune of "The Irish Washerwoman") Oh, your mother is dead and your father is dead and your brother is dead and your brother is dead and your brother is dead and your wife is a drunk and your kid has one leg and your car doesn't float. We're working on a second verse, beginning: Oh, your nephew can't ski and your nephew can't fly... any help on your part is appreciated. Is that patronising enough? |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Alice Date: 13 Oct 99 - 08:09 PM Remember the old Stan Freeberg record with the joke about "President Reagan".... then years later it became a reality? Then there is Green Christmas by Stan Freeberg, a top hit in Nov/Dec 1958, Mr Scrooge as Chairman of the Board getting rich from Christmas. We are easy targets for anything about materialism and greed... it's too true to make us angry, except at ourselves. Joke about us to your hearts delight, Ewan. I remember when I was in El Salvador, I asked my neighbors who they made jokes about. They explained that the Central American countries all make jokes about each other's presidents. The El Salvdor President said to the Guatemalan president, etc. In Montana the jokes are about North Dakotans. I think in Idaho, the jokes are about Montana (or is it Wyoming?). |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: SeanM Date: 13 Oct 99 - 07:16 PM I don't know... I think we make fun of ourselves too much for it to get under the collective skin... such things happen with as many subcultures... The Californians mock the Southerners who mock the Yankees who mock the Midwesterners who mock.... Sorry! I suppose you could just try and get more actors elected... that's a pretty harsh mockery... M |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Lonesome EJ Date: 13 Oct 99 - 07:14 PM Any kind of a joke indicating that we are Not the guardians of Liberty and Peace tends to get our dander up. Or when the French kid us, saying we would still be a British Colony if not for Lafayette. We also hate all forms of humor which imply that our automobile manufacturing is sub-standard. Also, snide jabs at the Kennedys are strictly taboo. And please stay away from the "fast food" humor. Actually, Americans are quite sure that we are at least as silly as any other country on the planet, and we would welcome any additional jibes that we haven't already come up with.*
* Except unwarranted sarcasm from the Canadians, who are just jealous. |
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Subject: RE: Patronising jokes about Americans From: katlaughing Date: 13 Oct 99 - 06:59 PM Assuming we are all the Ugly....patronising....lords of the universe |
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Subject: Patronising jokes about Americans From: Ewan McVicar Date: 13 Oct 99 - 06:39 PM Having been wearily sadded by the occasional resurfacing around here of 'songs' and 'amusing' discussions about haggis hunting and what is worn under the kilt, I have been racking my grey cells to think what the equivalently patronisingly insulting 'humorous' topics about Americans would be. I can think of ones re Australians, but I can't think of any that would make Americans quite as hacked off as the above subjects make Scots. What 'jokey' topics / cliches about Americans annoy American, pray tell? Does "Oversexed, overpaid, and over here" do it? Assumptions that you are all cowboys? What? |
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