BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)

Subject: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 01:07 PM

In an attempt to attract voters' attention today and make them forget entirely about Rick Santorum AND Mitt Romney, Chongo dropped 150 feet from a large tree in a Chicago park. He did it to show that "I can land on my feet and roll with the punches".

"If Romney had dropped outta this tree, he'd be in intensive care," said Chongo. "If Obama had dropped outta this tree, they've have hadda take him off on a stretcher and call fer a chiropractor. If Santorum had dropped outta this tree, he'd have broke into about a hundred thousand little pieces, and if that idiot Gingrich had dropped outta this tree, he'd have made a big hole about halfway to China! If Joan Baez had dropped outta this tree...she'd probably have been fairly much okay, maybe just a small bruise or a scrape...but she ain't runnin' for president, so it's a moot point."

He went on to say, "What America needs now is a president who can drop outta really tall trees, fall down whole sets of stairs, make incredible errors in judgement, and not even get a bruise or a scrape in the process. That president is me, Chongo Chimp. I can take a fall and come up 'swingin'."

He then handed out free bananas and kazoos to an ecstatic crowd of several hundred cheering supporters who followed him down the street to Duffy's Bar, playing the Star Spangled Banner on their kazoos and chanting: "Chongo is the One! Chongo is the One!"

Yes, it's once again election time in America, folks...just like good ol' Groundhog Day in Punxatawney all over again...and serious, substantive dialogue is what we can be sure to get plenty of in these enlighted times. ;-D

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 01:13 PM

Update: A Fox reporter managed to get a few words in with Chongo at the bar just moments ago, and asked him this question:

"You didn't say anything about what would have happened if Ron Paul had dropped out of that tree, Chongo. What do you think would have happened in Ron Paul's case? Would he have landed on his feet or would he have met disaster?"

"It wouldn't matter either way," replied Chongo sardonically, "because none of the major media would say a thing about it in Ron Paul's case, no matter how he landed. Don't you realize that he is the mainstream media's invisible candidate in 2012?"

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,number 6
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 01:32 PM

good grief ..... more grandstand propaganda from the schtoopid monkey.

biLL (wishing the monkey would get the hell off the grid and out of our lives forever)

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 01:36 PM

Have you considered bribery, biLL?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 06:49 PM

More words of wisdom from Chongo to the press:

"If Romney is runnin', it follows that he must be scared. Same goes for Obama and them other bums that are runnin'. They're ALL runnin'! Do we want someone who is scared to be our president? Someone who runs away? I don't think so! Vote for me. I don't run, I stand and fight like an ape!"

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 06:51 PM

How about threats?

I have two words for you Chongo....

Bush meat!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: number 6
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 06:52 PM

If I give the chump chimp a loonie will he bugger off for good?

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Bobert
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 07:31 PM

Word on the street is this fall was all blue screen trickery... Now if Chongz wants to come down here to NC and fall from a 150 foot tree I'll be more than willing to find the tree and alert the press...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: gnu
Date: 11 Apr 12 - 07:38 PM

I'll donate a Loonie to the Chop Chump Chimp Chongo Cause sIx.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 05:55 AM

Hey Bobs, get Chongo to do the fall at Christmas time, then he can get you some mistletoe on the way down! Mind you, he's gonna be in the White House by then...

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Bobert
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 07:34 AM

I'd pay the big bucks to see that, Pete... Hey, here's an idea... Chongz could sit in the Christmas tree and folks could shoot him with paint ball guns???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 09:08 AM

Paint ball guns?!! What's wrong with shotguns?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 10:06 AM

How about just a nice hempen rope, say, about 3/8th inch?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 10:38 AM

And 140 feet long?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 12:54 PM

Hmm. No respect here, eh? You'll all be mighty sorry after Chongo wins in November. Yessiree.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 01:47 PM

Ah...um...you DO know that Big Ape Louie is running for President of the US, don't you? He announced his candidacy in the American Primate Party late yesterday afternoon. Among other things, he said, "Any others who claim to be APP candidates are so dumb they fall out of trees."

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 01:52 PM

Really? Well, that should make for an interesting convention, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 12 Apr 12 - 02:04 PM

Yeah, especially with Chongo hanging ten feet up from a tree clutching a bunch of mistletoe being peppered by Bobert and assorted fellow stoners/shiners!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Apr 12 - 12:27 AM

Hmm. The plot thickens. A Baboon named Jonkie Jones has thrown his hat in the ring too, and is running against Chongo for the APP leadership in 2012. He lives in Fresno.

A Chimp named Cheeters Mahonigan is also in the race as of tonight. He hails from Tallahasee.

Then there's a Howler Monkey named Festus Fowler over in Pittsburgh. He's running too.

Pundits say that this will possibly revitalize the APP and be healthy for the party, while others say it could end up splitting the party into several warring factions as monkeys, Chimps, Gorillas, and Baboons split along species lines and fracture into irreconcilable factions who can never work together in a common cause.

One thing for sure: Chongo Chimp will have to fight hard to retain his position as leader under these circumstances.

Gosh! It could end up being as ugly and debilitating and downright embarrassing as what the Republicans have been going through. Let's hope not. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 13 Apr 12 - 10:30 AM

Me, I'm grateful to all of them for offering something to think about besides the Titanic.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Apr 12 - 01:41 PM

What a bunch of horseshit......or apeshit. Hawk, just come clean and admit the filthy ass ape was up in the treehouse trying to nail Baez but she non-violently stood up to him by reading the words to "Space Oddity" repeatedly for 29 hours until he went ape, as it wee, and flung himself instead of his poo to the ground where he was set upon by a gang of Dachshunds with the shits. Chongo retreated screaming at Baez that he wouldn't do it with someone who was as covered in birdshit as she was.


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 09:33 AM

Spaw, he's used to it. His mother used to throw him out of trees when he was just a littly-bittly baby. She know what he would become and tried her best at justifiable infanticide.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 09:51 AM

Rap, I believe you've confused Chongo with Creedence Clearwater Revival.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 01:49 PM

After I get elected, I am gonna pass a special presidential decree in regards to Catspaw49, cos the public should not have to put up with the kind of verbal abuse that idiot puts out. No siree. I am gonna send Homeland Security down to Ohio and they are gonna find this moron, tape his mouth shut, bust his damn computer, and hold him under house arrest until he recants and apologizes.

And if he don't....too bad. Then he is just gonna rot there.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,999
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 01:58 PM

"tape his mouth shut . . . and hold him under house arrest until he recants and apologizes."

Something wrong with that but can't quite put my finger on it . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 02:56 PM

Gee, Stalin, Hitler, Idi Amin, Sadam Hussein, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong Il, and similarly inclined folks used to do that too.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 07:27 PM

"Gee" is an exclamation, not some dictator from the past or present.

Chumpgo might get by with that house arrest crap in Canada, but not in the good ol' US of A! No sirree!

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 09:18 PM

Hey Chumpnuts......Imagine me with my right hand cupping my cock and balls, my left hand pointing at my right, and with a sneer and a voice filled with sarcasm saying, "Hey Shitflinger.....I gotcher fuckin' apology right here motherfucker!.......Blow me Needledick."


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 09:30 PM

First off, let me explain yer conundrum about the recantation and the apology, Rap. I want him to do those in writin', not talkin'. It will not be necessary to untape his fat mouth! The pen and paper will be placed in front of him in plain view at all times. He can slowly starve to death while the guards trash his place and put their boots on the dining table...or he can smarten up and apologize. There is lotsa precedent for doin' these kinda things and much worse to political prisoners of the USA. Yessiree! Just ask Bush and Obama about that, buster.

And as fer you, Catspaw49...yeah, I'm imaginin' that little scene you describe. Just like you said. Boy, talk about one UGLY picture! Jesus. Worse than lookin' down the ass end of one of them rainbow-ass Baboons. But I like it. Ya know why? It gives me a perfect place to aim right after I load up a full clip in the Model 1911, know what I'm sayin'? Or maybe I'll just use a firehose. Or my right foot...in a real heavy boot. Yeah.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 09:31 PM

Yes... Pete is a genius...

Think about it...

Chongz is like a pinata and every one gets a blindfold and a 12 gauge....

I mean, at $10 a shot, Chongz would have the $$$ to mount a competitive race, right???

Of course, Chongz could get shot...

Bummer...

Oh well... One less monkey in the tree...

B:~(

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 09:31 PM

Spaw, he's used toilet paper, tossed down the outhouse to rot with the rest of the shit. He's old news, yesterday's Internet, a moldy fart in a long-ago hurricane. Don't waste your time on him (assuming Chumpo IS male -- there seems to be some doubt based upon Certain Photos).

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 09:35 PM

Ya know, Rap, if you weren't so fond of guns and gratuitous violence, there'd be almost nothing good left that anyone could think of to say about you.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 09:54 PM

You recognize that fact Apebrain 'cause nobody has anything good to say about you......although I did hear you wiped your ass with Dachshunds.   Still.........I mean if you didn't lick 'em like lollipops afterwards.............maybe then.........


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 10:31 PM

I never did like dogs, but I like you even less, Roscoe. By the way, you fergot to mention cigars in yer first post. Cuban cigars. Only the best fer this ape. Don't forget, it ain't Little Hawk you are tryin' to get upset here...it's me. I could'nt care less what you think about Dachshunds. I don't like 'em in the first place. And I ain't got much interest in Joan Baez either. She is a bit too old to interest me.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 10:39 PM

And you're too old to get it up at all. The only time your dick has been hard in the past 15 years is when you were struck by lightning and THAT exploded both of your tiny balls !   And you've already done time for your young fetish......that was so disgusting that even I wanted to have you castrated. Lucky thing about the lightning!


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 12 - 11:14 PM

Cuban cigars? A so-called Presidential candidate smoking Cuban cigars??? Do you know that the US has long forbidden the importation of Cuban goods?

You're a self-admitted criminal, regardless of what you did your poor mother and sister.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 Apr 12 - 09:07 AM

Y'know what, Catspaw? I think you got me confused with somebody else. Maybe yer brother? I don't know. Anyway, I am startin' to feel sorry for you, buddy, cos yer right outta touch with reality. So get help. If you are still ravin' like this after I get elected, I am gonna have to send the boys in white suits insteada Homeland Security, and put you in a padded room somewhere fer yer own good.

Rap - Oh, and I suppose you think Bill Clinton and George Bush don't smoke Cuban cigars whenever they feel like it? Hmmm? All the big boys at the top smoke Cubans. You don't impress me with yer phony righteous act, mister. Ya know who the laws are really for? I'll tell ya. The laws are for the millions of poor saps in the middle and lower classes who go out and vote and think they have any real say in what happens. That's who the laws are for...they're for the powerless! But when ya get to the heady halls of power and start hobnobbin' with the Obamas, Bushes, Clintons, Kennedys, Rockefellers, and them wealthy types you find out exactly where the law stops. It stops where the penthouses and Connecticut mansions begin. Yessiree. That's how it works. What really burns yer buns, Rap, is this...yer never gonna move in them circles. But I am. I know how. I got what it takes. Too bad fer you, sucker.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 15 Apr 12 - 11:49 AM

I didn't think he was going to branch out, and go out on a limb! He needs to talk to his constituents to give him more support!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 12 - 12:05 PM

Dear Chongoo,

I don't give a rat's ass who does what -- it's a violation of the laws of the United States. I hope you like being "fresh meat" cuz you're going to be spending time in the Graybar Hotel. I'm turning you in, bucko; I won't have the laws of my country flaunted by some red-butted monkey.

Your servant,
Raparree

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 15 Apr 12 - 01:24 PM

Hey Chongz, I got some nice Romeo y Julietas and some really nice Rafael Gonzalez cubans but you ain't having any...

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 12 - 08:54 PM

You're Chongo's servant now, Rap??? Oh, man! He is gonna just looooove that. ;-) I wonder what awful stuff he'll dream up for you to do?

The Augian Stables aren't around anymore, are they?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 12 - 10:28 PM

Should I have closed with "Sincerely yours?" That sounds like the same thing as "Your servant." At least I didn't say, "Your most humble and devoted servant."

There are some horse barns out this way for Chumpoo to clean up if we really want to shovel the shit. I mean, where do you think that our Idaho politicians learned their trade?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 16 Apr 12 - 01:21 PM

Rapparee: "Should I have closed with "Sincerely yours?" That sounds like the same thing as "Your servant." At least I didn't say, "Your most humble and devoted servant."

Just shut up, and get him a banana!..............NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Apr 12 - 02:23 PM

I've just had an epiphany here! Or is it a revelation? Well, it goes like this...

1. Rapparee has frequently stated over on the Mother of all BS Threads that he is the Creator of All That Is, and he created all of us, and all of the Universe as we know it.

2. I have no way of proving him wrong.

3. So it may well be true.

4. Let's assume it is...

5. Since Rapparee created all of us, I'm his son! (I'm one of them, I mean...not the only one.)

6. And Amos is my brother! Even George Bush is my brother....(but let's not dwell on that...)

7. And since I created Chongo Chimp and Shane McBride...


(drum roll....)

THEY ARE BOTH Rapparee's GRANDSONS!!!!!

8. It is normal for a Grandfather to do all kinds of nice things for his grandchildren.

9. Therefore Rapparee should get Chongo a banana.

10. And he should get Shane a beer. At once!

11. And he should also pay to put me, Amos, and George Bush through university. It's a Father's duty to set his sons on the right path in life, after all.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 12 - 02:39 PM

It is written that thou shalt take can of thy parents in their old age, and respect them. Since I created you I am obviously older than you are.

Send the money. Lots of it. US dollars preferred.

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Apr 12 - 02:44 PM

LOL!!!!! Ya got him on the run now, Rap! I bet he don't log in again for days! Ook! Ook!

He is part Scottish, ya know. Tight as a drum. Still has his first dime on display inside a glass case. He's probably halfway across the moor already. You go to his thatched roof hovel, you'll find a sign on the door: "Gone Fishing"

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 17 Apr 12 - 01:18 PM

Rapparee: "It is written that thou shalt take can of thy parents in their old age, and respect them. Since I created you I am obviously older than you are."


It is also written(<<< see?), "Thou shalt not try to divert attention away from getting the fucking banana!..Now get down to it!"

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 12 - 01:56 PM

But it is further written, and in a much old and wiser book, "Exemplum de simia, quae, quando plus ascendit, plus apparent posteriora eius."

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 12 - 02:01 PM

The example of a monkey, when it is ascending, is a more apparent ass?

Subject: RE: BS: Chongo drops out of tree (but not race)
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 17 Apr 12 - 09:30 PM

.....and now, ascending to the presidential podium..........


GfS