BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......

Subject: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: GUEST,Claire M
Date: 23 Jun 12 - 02:37 PM

Hiya,

I've got a Respite Care stay coming up. I'm dreading it. There's also a big move on the cards; it'll be in what they call a "residential setting" to make it sound nicer than it actually is. I have lived in the same country setting for *years.*

A Supported Living placement was recommended but it's not adequate due to aforementioned disability being severe. My friend has a different disability to me and she looks like she'd be fine – I don't -- but it wasn't even good for her.

I really get on with the people who live in said facilities but hate the set-up and think the attitudes of some staff are disgusting. I have a CPAP and a lot of the nurses don't even know what that is!   

Dad is a folkie too and he said he'd take me to gigs for as long as he can – him & mum are elderly, they have cared for me tirelessly but are getting to the stage where they just can't do it, which is the main reason why I'm moving. I'm terrified.

Subject: RE: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: Deckman
Date: 23 Jun 12 - 11:41 PM

I'll respectfully offer some gentle advice. I know a little bit about the strains you can feel as I occasionally find myself in a similiar situation.

If you find yourself really "dreading" it, or getting really uptight about the event, it might be because you are thinking of YOURSELF", instead of the person(s). I often find myself chanting, silently to myself, "i'm just the vehicle ... i'm just the vehicle". I hope this helps you. bob(deckman)nelson

Subject: RE: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: Genie
Date: 24 Jun 12 - 01:35 AM

Claire, I really do empathize with your situation and understand it well (about the setting itself and the frequent attitude of the management and staff).    Please let us know if you're seeking suggestions for healing songs or other kinds of songs (including funny ones) that could make staying there more positive or more bearable.

Genie

Subject: RE: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: GUEST,Claire M
Date: 02 Jul 12 - 08:24 AM

Hiya,

I think my situation is at least part of the reason why I got back into trad/blues. It's never made me cross like other music has and I can't think why I ever left it behind. I'd kick myself if I could.

I was easier to look after then because I was smaller and it just didn't bother me that I was in a wheelchair and friends weren't. Respite Care was just a place to see friends I didn't see at school.

Thanks for all your good thoughts. Will report back in a week.

Subject: RE: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: Jack Campin
Date: 02 Jul 12 - 09:03 AM

Can you get friends to visit as soon as you move in?

The arsehole staff won't feel they can get away with as much if they know somebody outside is watching.

And keep a camera phone with you at all times. Setting up a Twitter account would be a good idea.

Subject: RE: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 02 Jul 12 - 04:14 PM

Remember that it isn't a hospital, it's your home. Take your CD's, your iPod, or whatever. Do you play an instrument? Take it.

I had a friend in a rehab place (recovering from surgery on an ankle, then a knee.) When it was time for our monthly session, we reserved a party room at the place and played music there. The residents and staff were tickled pink.

Subject: RE: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: GUEST,Claire M
Date: 09 Jul 12 - 04:29 PM

Hiya,

Well, it *is* for however long you're there.

I can usually find several people who like similar music – it makes life in any of them worth it (there's always this place if not). I even got 'Gaudete' sung to me!

Friendships I've made have been deeper – I've had more interesting conversations & met more interesting people there than I have in years of carers coming to my house – & I don't have to worry about us losing contact either.

& no one asks questions you can't answer, because they all know your situation (roughly, anyway) so it's not quite as bad as it appears.

Subject: RE: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 09 Jul 12 - 04:48 PM

I'm glad to hear that things are working out for you, Claire.

Subject: RE: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: GUEST,Claire M
Date: 10 Jul 12 - 08:49 AM

iya,

Thanks. It's very odd; I'm young so you'd think I'd be happier with younger people, and I've lost count of the people that say that. The carers that come to my house aren't people I outright hate but I can't say I'd miss most of them if they were to go because I think they're mostly boring. I'd rather spend time with people I've got something in common with.

Nobody would sing folk/blues to me were I not there; I doubt they'd even know it. The minute my friend who lives there said he'd been taken to see Steeleye the words "I'm staying" burst out of me.   
Not that seeing them is the most important thing, but as you know they've been part of my life since I was really small. I doubt I'd go to see them/any concert if I was in this independent living I've had pushed on me for years; I wouldn't be able to afford it, the carer may refuse to go (lots seem to avoid going anywhere/doing anything they don't know of, for fear they might not like it.) My friend sacked hers because she never wanted to go anywhere/do anything, and had trouble getting another one.

I've never done the type of things the carers that come here have, because I couldn't physically do them, so my life must be boring, because I can't get out as much as they can.

Subject: RE: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 10 Jul 12 - 09:25 AM

I'm sorry you can't get out.

When it comes to people, the important thing is not a person's age, it's whether you and the other are compatible - are you comfortable with each other, do you have the same interests, can you talk about things.

I have friends who are 5 and friends who are 90.

I hope if you make your interests known to the people who count, that you will be able to experience the music you like, one way or another.

Subject: RE: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: GUEST,Claire M
Date: 11 Jul 12 - 12:32 PM

Hiya,

I go to gigs, re-enactments, etc., so I do, but they don't. They don't seem to do anything. The real q. is, would I want to be them, would I want to live their lives ?? Part of the reason I latched on to what I listen to is because I couldn't do a lot else. I can't imagine my life without it.

That's what I keep saying but I never get believed. Compatible?? How long have you got ?? I found 3 Steeleye/Maddy Prior fans in the week I was in the care home. I couldn't believe it. Out of it I know none apart from my dad.

Not sure if it's to do with there being nowhere for such as I – younger with no learning problems but still highly dependent – but I think even if there was 1,000 places for younger people I'd still get on better with older people.

I'm sure this change in attitude is because I saw 2 magpies before I went ….....

Subject: RE: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: maeve
Date: 11 Jul 12 - 12:54 PM

"Two for joy"...I like your spirit and humor, Claire.

Subject: RE: BS:Healing Songs ?? Anything'll do......
From: GUEST,Claire M
Date: 12 Jul 12 - 06:51 AM

Hiya,

The music will be coming with me wherever I go – the decent stuff, anyway. It depends entirely where the vacancy is; the care was slightly better in the other unit, because the people were more dependent, but I was bored; the unit I was in this time looked like a flat. It was completely different to the others. There were about 3 carers who weren't very good but I imagine they'll leave eventually. I have to say out of all the care homes I've been in, this was the best.

We were chatting about where we'd been before and one of the residents said "you were a singer, weren't you?" People never believe I've had my condition all my life.