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Drummer jokes and others

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Freddie Fox 23 Oct 99 - 04:48 PM
MAG (inactive) 23 Oct 99 - 05:49 PM
Freddie Fox 23 Oct 99 - 05:51 PM
MAG (inactive) 23 Oct 99 - 06:30 PM
Freddie Fox 23 Oct 99 - 06:37 PM
Neil Lowe 23 Oct 99 - 09:12 PM
Margo 24 Oct 99 - 01:23 AM
Margo 24 Oct 99 - 01:27 AM
sophocleese 24 Oct 99 - 03:21 AM
Mike Billo 24 Oct 99 - 11:33 AM
Trevor Jones 24 Oct 99 - 12:31 PM
Eric the Viking 24 Oct 99 - 03:48 PM
Gint 24 Oct 99 - 05:56 PM
john 24 Oct 99 - 08:55 PM
Art Thieme 24 Oct 99 - 09:02 PM
Gint 25 Oct 99 - 04:14 AM
goop 25 Oct 99 - 04:37 AM
Gint 25 Oct 99 - 04:41 AM
KingBrilliant 25 Oct 99 - 05:12 AM
Freddie Fox 25 Oct 99 - 06:08 PM
Micca 25 Oct 99 - 06:17 PM
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Subject: Drummer jokes and others
From: Freddie Fox
Date: 23 Oct 99 - 04:48 PM

Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'


The ex-drummer from our band started collecting drummer jokes in sheer desperation, because everyone else kept firing them at him - such as

How do you get a one-armed drummer out of a tree? Wave at him

What's the difference between a Radox bath and the drummer from Bros? The Radox bath bucks up the feet...

Is this phenomenon peculiar to our patch [Leeds, England] or does everybody everywhere give drummers a hard time? Also, does anyone know any good jokes against other types of musician [specifically guitarists, bass playes and fiddle / mandolin playes, so that I can pass them on to the poor sod and allow him to get his own back!!!!


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 23 Oct 99 - 05:49 PM

Bryan Bowers told one about bagpipe players at a concert here last weekend, but I'm not going to repeat it.


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Freddie Fox
Date: 23 Oct 99 - 05:51 PM

It's not the one about the musical octopus, is it?


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 23 Oct 99 - 06:30 PM

no -


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Freddie Fox
Date: 23 Oct 99 - 06:37 PM

OK, then here goes.

A man goes into a bar with hi pet octopus under his arm. He offers the challenge that his octopus will play any instrument that anyone cares to produce [the usual forfeit of beers all round applying]. To cut a long story short, the octopus plays everything - saxophone, piano, fiddle, accordion, you name it. [ie. you can pan this tale out as long as you want!]. Then someone produces a set of bagpipes, and the octopus goes spare. All-in wrestling isn't in it! So the man has to buy a large round of drinks, disentangles his octopus from the bagpipes, and goes out in disgust. He complains to the octopus that he's really let him down - the octopus replies - what do you mean? I hadn't finished taking it's knickers off.

Can we go back to drummers now?


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 23 Oct 99 - 09:12 PM

There was one that someone posted a year or so ago in a related thread....I liked it, being an ex-drummer meself...it went more or less like so:
What do you call someone who wants to hang around musicians?

A drummer....

Loved it...

Regards, Neil


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Margo
Date: 24 Oct 99 - 01:23 AM

I am going to learn to play the bodhran. My prospective teacher told me that men are better bodhran players because they already have the wrist action down..... Oh, I'm blushing.

But there was a thread about banjo player jokes not too long ago. I'll come back and post a link for you...

Margo


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Margo
Date: 24 Oct 99 - 01:27 AM

Here it is:HAHA. And also HOHO. Have fun. Margo


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: sophocleese
Date: 24 Oct 99 - 03:21 AM

How do you get two pipers in tune?

Shoot one.

Drum roll please.


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Mike Billo
Date: 24 Oct 99 - 11:33 AM

There was a big fight in the rhythm section because the drummer turned one of the bass players tuning pegs and then wouldn't tell him which one.


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Trevor Jones
Date: 24 Oct 99 - 12:31 PM

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

Homeless


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 24 Oct 99 - 03:48 PM

What's the best way to play a Bodhrun? With a Stanley Knife.

How do you shut up a guitarist? Give him the music to read!

Cheers Eric. I know some more when I get time, though they are all as bad as this!


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Gint
Date: 24 Oct 99 - 05:56 PM

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They have a machine to do it for them.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? One, but he'll break 5 of them before he figures out you can't just push them in.

Heard backstage: "Will the musicians and the drummer please come to the stage!"

What's the difference between a drummer & drum machine?

With a drum machine you only have to punch the instructions in once!


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: john
Date: 24 Oct 99 - 08:55 PM

Q: What's the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager.

Did you hear about the band that locked their keys in the van? Took over an hour to get the drummer out!

What's the difference between an onion and a set of bagpipes? No one cries when you cut up a set of bag pipes.


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Art Thieme
Date: 24 Oct 99 - 09:02 PM

Bodhran was invented as an I.U.D. for Catherine The Great. (I've heard the same about jew's harps & nose flutes.)

A lady went out to buy a "Lazyboy Rocker"---and she came home with a drummer.

Art


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Gint
Date: 25 Oct 99 - 04:14 AM

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test

A: Drool


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: goop
Date: 25 Oct 99 - 04:37 AM

how can you tell if the drum riser is level?

drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth.


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Gint
Date: 25 Oct 99 - 04:41 AM

I've started so I'll finnish

Q: How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando? A: Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.

Why do bands have bass players? To translate for the drummer.

Q: What's the difference between a drummer & drum machine?

A: With a drum machine you only have to punch the instructions in once!

Dictionary of Musical Terms

JAZZ: Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.

BLUES: Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning. WORLD MUSIC : A dozen different types of percussion all going at once. OPERA : People singing when they should be talking. RAP : People talking when they should be singing. CLASSICAL : Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad. FOLK : Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century. BIG BAND : 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer. HEAVY METAL : Codpiece and chaps HOUSE MUSIC : OK as long as it's not the house next door.

A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".

Drummer & lead guitarist have a massive fight, when it's broken up , it turns out the drummer turned the one of the guitarists tuning knobs and wouldn't say which one.

What happens when you sing country and western music backwards?

You get your wife and your job back.


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 25 Oct 99 - 05:12 AM

How do you know when there's a female vocalist at the door?.......She can't find the key & doesn't know when to come in.

Kris


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Freddie Fox
Date: 25 Oct 99 - 06:08 PM

I'm going to finish with one of my own favourites.

The Musician's Union Rep is standing outside the Albert Hall in London, because there's a big all genre conference going on and he wants to do a survey. First of all, along comes a really posh bloke in a monkey suit [tuxedo to most of you!], and he asks him, 'Excuse me sir, can you tell me what you play' 'Yes, most certainly, I'm the first violinist with the London Philharmonic' 'And can you tell me your IQ?' 'Oh.. about 160, I believe' 'Thank you very much'.

He notes down the answers and waits for the next victim. Shortly, along comes a bloke in jeans and a sports jacket, and he says to him 'Excuse me sir, can you tell me what you play?' 'Yes, I play double bass in a jazz band' 'And can you tell me your IQ?' 'Last time I checked it was about 140' 'Thank you very much.

[ED. you can spin this out as much as you like, and depending on who else you want to dig at]

Finally, along comes a real greebo - greasy leather jacket, hair down to his bum, knuckles trailing along the ground. The rep steps up to him and says 'Excuse me sir, I have one question for you' 'UUgh?' 'Where do you buy your sticks?'

Isn't that beautifully stereotyped and npc?

Thanks very much for all the contributions - I shall pass them on.

Freddie


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Subject: RE: Drummer jokes and others
From: Micca
Date: 25 Oct 99 - 06:17 PM

You left out a good couple 1 how do youu know if there is a Bodhran player at the door? They keep tapping nbut don't know when to come in. 2 How do you know if you have a Catholic Bodharn player at the door? They don't know when to come in or pull out.


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