BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!

Subject: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 03:17 PM

I went to the doctor's with a jelly and custard stuck in my ears. He asked, 'what seems to be the problem?' so I said, 'I'm a trifle deaf.'

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 03:43 PM

I slept like a log last night, I woke up in the fireplace this morning.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Dead Horse
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 04:46 PM

I dont know how he did it.

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Abdul The Bul Bul
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 04:49 PM

I had a ploughmans lunch last night, he wasn't very happy about it.
Al

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 07:28 PM

I went to the doctor. He said 'you've got a very serious illness'.
I said 'I want a second opinion'.
He said 'all right, you're ugly as well'.

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 05:32 AM

I said "Doctor I think I'm a pair of curtains" He said: "Pull yourself together".

RtS
(whose family regret buying him a TC joke book last Xmas)

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 05:36 AM

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.
      --------------------------------------------------------------------
      Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
      Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
      --------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 06:32 AM

I went to the doctor's. He said, "I'd like you to lie on the couch."
I said, "What for?" He said, "I want to sweep the floor."

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 07:15 AM

I went to the doctor's and asked for something for wind - so he gave me a kite!

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 07:32 AM

From: Dead Horse - PM
Date: 16 Sep 12 - 04:46 PM

I dont know how he did it.

It seems no-one's taking the bait!

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 07:50 AM

"Just like that"
of course

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Musket
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 08:25 AM

Doctor, it hurts when I do this.

Well stop doing it then.

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 08:28 AM

"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
      He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
      ----------------------------------------------------------------

      "So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Dead Horse
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 08:36 AM

At last. Now I can rest easy. Thank you Nigel & RtS :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: gnu
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 05:48 PM

I went to a brothel today. There was a sign on the door : "Gone to lunch. Go fuck yerself."

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Leadfingers
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 06:07 PM

A man walked into a bar - Said "OUCH!" - It was an Iron Bar

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: GUEST,Allen in OZ
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 06:38 PM

" My wife and I were cleaning the attic the other day.
Filthy, dirty, covered in cob webs...but she's good with the kids "

AD

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: gnu
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 06:59 PM

I told the wife that when she told me to fix something it would get done and not to nag me about it every six months.

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 Sep 12 - 07:15 PM

The doctor said to me "Say ahhh."

I said "why?"

He said "My dog's just died."

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: GUEST,Allen in OZ
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 03:58 AM

"I see that you have a Black belt in Judo"
Yes I have

" What did you have before that"?
A Yellow belt

" And before that"?
A Red belt

" And before that "?
......My pants fell down

AD   Dear Tommy

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 05:58 AM

Piss off gnu, Tommy Cooper NEVER used foul language.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 06:31 AM

..and one that should have been his, inspired by a home-made Missing poster on a local lampost.

Next door's kid has lost his tortoise. I think I saw it yesterday but it was gone in a flash.

Rts

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 10:45 AM

or, ' our postman is really cruel, he kicked a tortoise for following on his delivery '

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Long live Tommy Cooper!
From: GUEST,Patmike
Date: 18 Sep 12 - 04:54 PM

Two blondes walked into a building.

You'd think one of them would have seen it.